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The Nine Behavioral Skills

in Intrapersonal
Srinivas Rao Bhairy

Sources: The Art of Communicating (revised ed)

by Bert Decker (1988 Crisp Publications)

session Objectives:
1. Why intrapersonal communication is more

an art rather than a science.

2. Understand the nine behavioral skills of an
effective intrapersonal communication.
3. Increase the effectiveness of communicating
with other people by changing one habit a
4. Encourage practical feedback to ensure what
is being learned is applied.

Some Personal

Be effective in communicating oneself in

different situations like:

a job interview

a business meeting

a marriage proposal

a cocktail party

a thesis
a debate

a project proposal

a speech for large

a sales meeting

a stockholders meeting

a class with adult


As a result.
betterjob performance;
improvedwork relationships;
better social skills &
exhibit stronger leadership qualities.

- Part One Some Points to Consider About

Intrapersonal Communications

Why Communicating with Others is

Considered an Art?
Before an artist becomes a master in his
craft, one has to learn the basic principles
first, after which he hones what he has
learned in creating masterpieces using his
own style & creativity. That is also the same
way with communicating with other people.
After we learn the basics of the English
language, we then apply them using our
personality, creativity and tact. An effective
communicator often has unique techniques
in dealing which different kind of people.

Why Apply the Art of Communication?

To save on the effort & time in

communicating something if we
communicate with confidence & tact.
We get the results or responses we want
faster. People will seldom misunderstand
what you really mean.
We gain a great deal of respect for ourselves
and from other people.
We earn more if we are confident in using
persuasive communication in business.

What Really Counts in Intrapersonal

The key ingredient is


Participants will believe us what we are teaching if

we master the way you present lessons in class.

People will buy your product if they feel you are
sincere of what you saying.
Investors will lend you money if they know you
are credible and honest about your business.
Your children will respect you if they know you
mean what you say.

Three Vs of
Visual : Posture , Body language,

Vocal :

Facial expression
Pace, Tone, Pausing, Pitch,

Verbal : Clarity, Consistency,Words


Verbal? Vocal? Visual?

The Consistent


The Inconsistent


* According to Prof . Albert Merhabian, UCLA in those

cases we are under pressure or nervous about what
want to tell, we tend to block our content and give a
very inconsistent message. Example speak in
trembling voice, cold, sweaty hands. People then see
what you acted like more than what you are trying to

- Part Two The Nine Behavioral Skills in

Intrapersonal Communication

1. Eye Communication:
Look sincerely and steadily with another person
Intimacy, Intimidation & Involvement
-it means looking at a person for 10 seconds to a minute or more.

Five Seconds for More Effectiveness

-when you are trying to emphasize a point.

Beware of an Eye Dart

(like a scared rabbit!)
-we tend to look away and avoid looking at
a person when we feel nervous or awkward.

Eye Communication (Cont)

Beware of Slow-Blink
-Our eyelids tend to close for more than 2 seconds, saying really dont want to be here!

Notice How TV Hosts Interview Guests

-having a role model is always the first step to take.

Try to Look on the Nose Bridge Right in the Middle of

the Eyes
-rather than looking strait in the eye which may feel awkward on
the part of the audience, try look on the forehead area. They will
stiff feel the eye contact minus the strain.

2. Posture & Movement

Learn to stand tall body move naturally with ease.

Stand Tall


upper body posture reflects poor self-esteem.

Watch our Lower Body

-watch how your hip, legs and feet move when you are talking to

Use the ready position

- ready position means putting

your weight forward.

Posture & Movement (cont)

-move a bit while talking like
making gestures & walk around.

Use your Own Style

- adapt what you have learned in

posture & movement in your own
personal style. Practice in front of a
mirror or a friend.

3. Gestures & Facial expressions

Learn to be relaxed & natural when you speak

Find-out your Habits

-videotape yourself while practicing a speech or lecture. Youll

notice more habit you sub-consciously practicing like jerking,

excessive hand movements & uttering sounds.

Find-out your Nervous Gestures

-list down the thing you do when you
get nervous. A close friend might help
you discover them. Dont emphasize on
the feeling of excitement. Do you tend
to arm lock at the person you talk to? Or
you tend to give a stop hand sign?

Gestures & Facial expressions (cont )

You Cant Over-Exaggerate !

-Try to exaggerate your gesture, they surprisingly look natural than limiting yourself.

-A smile give ease & acceptance to the person you are
talking with. It also relieves intimidation & sincerity.

Remember your Personality Factor

-People will buy your ideas if they like you.

4. Dress & Appearance

to dress, to groom and appear appropriate to the environment as well as
to yourself.

Be Appropriate
-You dont need to buy any expensive suit. Any

professional and decent clothing you own will do.

Dress at Conscious Level

-Be conscious on what you wear. Look hard in the
mirror if it works for you. Walk around to see if it is
comfortable to wear.

Clothes Mean a Lot to your Audience

-what you wear communicates extensively on how you feel
about yourself.

Dress & Appearance (Cont)

Pick Five People

-Choose five people you know well and analyze the way they dress & groom. Pick every detail (jewelry,
glasses, make-up etc). As you gain consciousness to other people, so you do to yourself. Do some research.

Nobody will Tell You

-Very few people will tell you what they think about
your appearance out of politeness. So plan your
clothing ahead of time.

Pick a New Outfit, try a New Look

-youll never know how you will look unless you try a new one.
Consult a image/beauty expert on before trying a new haircut.
Department store have free trials on Make-up so take advantage!

5. Voice & Vocal Variety

use your voice as an effective tool, not a barrier in communication .

Emphasize the Right Word

Now is the time to change

-emphasis is critically important depending on the word you

need to emphasize.

Call Companies
-Call five companies and analyze how each project a
welcoming tone for business. Try to model from them.

Record Yourself
-The best exercise to improve vocal skills is to record your
own voice. Learn breathing, pacing & enunciating while

6. Languge, Pauses & Non-words

use appropriate and clear language for your listeners, with planned
pauses and no non-words.
Use Direct Language

- State want you ask & mean. Replace the phrases Ill try with
I will or We cant with You can .
Example A
Indirect: Ill try to submit the sales report this afternoon,
I will submit the report on your desk before 4PM, is
that alright with you?
Example B
Indirect: Im sorry, but we cant give you a discount right
Discounts are currently unavailable but Ill let you
know the moment we have one.

Languge, Pauses & Non-words

Beware of Jargon
-Share jargon only with people who understand the same language.
Vocabulary Increases with Use

-our effectiveness in communication is graded by our choice of word. Increase vocabulary

through incorporation of new words.

The PauseA Important Tool

-Pause naturally for 3-4 seconds. It allows you to breathe and
think about your next moves. Replace you non-words with
pauses instead.

7. Listener involvement
maintain an active interest and involvement of each person with whom
you are communicating, whether a single person or a thousand.

Enhance Your Style

-Include a dramatic opening and visual aids. Maintain eye contact & move around more.

Engage in Interaction
-Ask questions and their opinion. Limit the I & me
in the conversation. Be interested in other people.

Plan Content Ahead

-Always think of the benefits your conversation your
audience get from your listeners. Add a little humor.

8. Humor
Create a bond with your listeners, enabling them to enjoy listening to
you more.

Dont Tell Jokes

-Unless your really an effective teller, do not tell
jokes in formal situations.

Do Tell Stories and Anecdotes

-use personal stories and funny situations to
connect with your audience.

Be aware of Feedback
-Feedback is a good guide on making yourself
improve on humor.

9. The Natural Self

be authentic. To be yourself in all circumstances, understanding your
streangths & converting weaknesses into assets.

Learn Like a Juggler

-Learn one skill at a time & add them once they
become a habit.

Communicating is a Lifelong Process

-Language is an ever-evolving tool just like fashion. So
does communication always get ahead with the changes.