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Indiana University

Communication Styles:
Passive, Assertive,
Aggressive
Amy Hume

Discussion Session #13

Communications Styles

Goals for Today


Understand

different communication styles


and how they affect others

Practice

recognizing and crafting messages


in different styles

Learn

about assertiveness skills

Communications Styles

Have you ever dealt


with a difficult person?

Communications Styles

Its all about respect

Passive
No Respect
for Self

Assertive

Aggressive

Respect for
Self & Others

No Respect
for Others

Communications Styles

How about?

Cant speak up

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive
Cant speak up

Assertive

Aggressive

Communications Styles

How about?

Loud

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive
Cant speak up

Assertive

Aggressive
Loud

Communications Styles

How about?

Firm

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive
Cant speak up

Assertive

Firm

Aggressive
Loud

Communications Styles

How about?

Dont know my rights

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive
Cant speak up
Dont know my rights

Assertive
Firm

Aggressive
Loud

Communications Styles

How about?

Direct

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Cant speak up

Firm

Dont know my rights

Direct

Aggressive
Loud

Communications Styles

How about?

Bossy

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Communications Styles

How about?

Honest

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Honest

Communications Styles

How about?

Pushy

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Honest

Pushy

Communications Styles

How about?

Respect rights of others

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Honest

Pushy

Respect rights of
others

Communications Styles

How about?

Get stepped on

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Respect rights of
others

Communications Styles

How about?

Meek

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Communications Styles

How about?

Dominating

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Communications Styles

How about?

Intimidating

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Intimidating

Communications Styles

How about?

Too accommodating

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Too
accommodating

Intimidating

Communications Styles

How about?

Violate others rights using


power, position &
language

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Too accommodating

Intimidating

Violate others
rights using
power, position &
language

Communications Styles

How about?

Talks softly

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Intimidating
Violate others rights
using power, position
& language

Communications Styles

How about?

Recognize the importance


of having my needs &
rights respected

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of
having my needs
& rights respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly

Intimidating

Communications Styles

How about?

Must get my way

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly

Intimidating

Must get my way

Communications Styles

How about?

Gives cold fish handshakes

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly

Gives cold fish


handshakes

Intimidating

Must get my way

Communications Styles

How about?

Dont stand up for my rights

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes

Dont stand up
for my rights

Intimidating

Must get my way

Communications Styles

How about?

React instantly

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes
Dont stand up for my
rights

Intimidating

Must get my way

React instantly

Communications Styles

How about?

Avoid conflicts

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes
Dont stand up for my
rights

Avoid conflicts

Intimidating

Must get my way


React instantly

Communications Styles

How about?

Confident

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes
Dont stand up for my
rights
Avoid conflicts

Confident

Intimidating

Must get my way


React instantly

Communications Styles

How about?

Dont care where or when I


blast someone

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes
Dont stand up for my
rights
Avoid conflicts

Confident

Intimidating

Must get my way


React instantly

Dont care where


or when I blast
someone

Communications Styles

How about?

Realize I have choices

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes
Dont stand up for my
rights
Avoid conflicts

Confident

Realize I have
choices

Intimidating

Must get my way


React instantly
Dont care where or
when I blast
someone

Communications Styles

How about?

Effective communicator

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes
Dont stand up for my
rights

Confident

Avoid conflicts

Effective
communicator

Realize I have choices

Intimidating

Must get my way


React instantly
Dont care where or
when I blast
someone

Communications Styles

How about?

People take advantage of me

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes
Dont stand up for my
rights

Confident

Avoid conflicts

Effective communicator

People take
advantage of me

Realize I have choices

Intimidating

Must get my way


React instantly
Dont care where or
when I blast
someone

Communications Styles

How about?

Can express my needs

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes
Dont stand up for my
rights

Confident

Avoid conflicts

Effective communicator

People take
advantage of me

Can express my
needs

Realize I have choices

Intimidating

Must get my way


React instantly
Dont care where or
when I blast
someone

Communications Styles

How about?

Can be abusive

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes
Dont stand up for my
rights

Confident

Avoid conflicts

Effective communicator

People take
advantage of me

Can express my needs

Realize I have choices

Intimidating

Must get my way


React instantly
Dont care where or
when I blast
someone

Can be abusive

Communications Styles

How about?

Vise-like handshake

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes
Dont stand up for my
rights

Confident

Avoid conflicts

Effective communicator

People take
advantage of me

Can express my needs

Realize I have choices

Intimidating

Must get my way


React instantly
Dont care where or
when I blast
someone
Can be abusive

Vise-like
handshake

Communications Styles

How about?

Make good eye contact

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes
Dont stand up for my
rights

Confident

Avoid conflicts

Effective communicator

People take
advantage of me

Can express my needs

Realize I have choices

Make good eye


contact

Intimidating

Must get my way


React instantly
Dont care where or
when I blast
someone
Can be abusive
Vise-like handshakes

Communications Styles

How about?

I like to get even

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes

Intimidating

Must get my way

Dont stand up for my


rights

Confident

Avoid conflicts

Effective communicator

People take
advantage of me

Can express my needs

Dont care where or


when I blast
someone

Make good eye contact

Can be abusive

Realize I have choices

React instantly

Vise-like handshake
I like to get even

Communications Styles

How about?

Speak with firm voice

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes

Intimidating

Must get my way

Dont stand up for my


rights

Confident

Avoid conflicts

Effective communicator

People take
advantage of me

Can express my needs

Dont care where or


when I blast
someone

Make good eye contact

Can be abusive

Speak with firm


voice

Vise-like handshake

Realize I have choices

React instantly

I like to get even

Communications Styles

How about?

Trouble saying no, then Im


angry and resentful

Communications Styles

Communication Styles
Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Cant speak up

Firm

Loud

Dont know my rights

Direct

Bossy

Get stepped on

Honest

Pushy

Meek

Respect rights of
others

Dominating

Recognize the
importance of having
my needs & rights
respected

Violate others rights


using power, position
& language

Too accommodating
Talks softly
Gives cold fish
handshakes

Intimidating

Must get my way

Dont stand up for my


rights

Confident

Avoid conflicts

Effective communicator

People take
advantage of me

Can express my needs

Dont care where or


when I blast
someone

Trouble saying no,


then Im angry and
resentful

Make good eye contact

Can be abusive

Speak with firm voice

Vise-like handshake

Realize I have choices

React instantly

I like to get even

Communications Styles

Passive Style: Summary


Too

intimidated to express thoughts and


feelings
Forfeits his/her rights or freedoms
Gives in to demands so he/she will be
accepted
Avoid confrontation at any cost
Often feels used and taken advantage of
Driven by anxiety

Communications Styles

Assertive Style: Summary


Recognizes

and stands up for own


rights while respecting the dignity of
others

Focuses

on specific issues and


problems, without belittling self or
others

Expresses

opinion without violating


others rights

Minimizes

opportunities to be
taken advantage of by others

Communications Styles

Assertive Style: Summary


Open,

tolerant, and considerate of


others feelings

Can

overcome fear to confront issues


that require resolutions

Can

communicate feelings of anger


diplomatically, without putting others
on the defensive

Communications Styles

Aggressive Style: Summary


Intimidates

others to gain control of


their thoughts and actions

Manipulates,
Little

accuses, fights

or no regard for others feelings

Driven

by anger

Communications Styles

Passive-aggressiveness
Hostility

expressed through inaction;


inertia used as a weapon
Silent

treatment
Dragging your feet
Always being late
Never saying what they want to do, then
sulking about it
Lame excuses
Plausible

deniability is key

Communications Styles

ROLE PLAY
Scenario

1: Need two volunteers

Scenario

2: Need three volunteers

Communications Styles

Assertiveness Skills

Know your rights

Say no and not feel guilty


Change your mind about anything
Take your time to form a response to a comment or
question
Ask for assistance with instructions or directions
Ask for what you want
Experience and express your feelings
Feel positive about yourself under any conditions
Make mistakes without feeling embarrassed or
guilty
Own your opinions and convictions
Protest unfair treatment or criticism
Be recognized for your significant achievements
and contributions

From Davis, Eshelmann, and McKay (1988)

Communications Styles

Assertiveness Skills
Know

your rights

Learn

to say no
Learn to use I statements
Use eye contact
Use assertive body language
Avoid manipulation
Be

aware of these strategies


Intimidation
Content substitution
Personal attacks (character assassination)
Avoidance

Communications Styles

Assertiveness Skills
Know

your rights
Learn to say no
Learn to use I statements
Use eye contact
Use assertive body language
Avoid manipulation
Respond

rather than react

Exercise

Communications Styles

Your difficult person


What
How
How

communication style do they use?

does it make you feel?

will you change your reaction to


them?

Communications Styles

Communication is two-way

What questions do you have??

Communications Styles

Evaluation Questions
Use:
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Strongly agree
Agree
Disagree
Strongly disagree
Dont know

#13
Tuesday, Sept.
28

I found the presentation of material easy to


understand.
This Advantage session increased my knowledge
on the subject presented.
I will be able to use some of the information from
this Advantage session in the future.
The presenter was well prepared for this
Advantage session.
This presentation should be repeated in future
semesters.