CONVERSATION SKILLS

Session 6
May 30, 2006

1

AGENDA
 Value of conversation skills
 Questioning
 Acknowledging (Active listening)
 Reframing
 Advocating
 Resolving Differences

2

CONVERATIONS NOT HAD
 Think of a difficult conversation that you
chose not to have

 What were the consequences?

 Think of a difficult conversation that
didn’t go well. What were the
consequences?
3

quality & innovation  quality of conversations  Goal = Skillful & productive conversations 4 . DIALOGUE SKILLS Why focus on conversation skills?  The costs are high for avoided conversations and those that don’t go well  Teams thrive on mutual influence  Productivity.

Mutual influence Compromise Seek closure. seek sources s respectfully. mean. 5 . CONVERSATION CONTINUUM Type Raw Polite Skillful Dialogue debate discussion discussion   Characteristic Compete. each other Not openly. Speak Say what Explore. you Talk at of thought.

instead of directive. blind acceptance. abdication 6 . MUTUAL INFLUENCE  Common point of view  Integrated action  Members influencing each other  Common point of view  Influence – really changing minds.

LADDER OF INFERENCE Form conclusions Form assumptions Select data Make observations 7 .

Asking about others’ conclusions & how they reached them  Advocacy .Describing your conclusions & how you reached them 8 . MODES OF DIALOGUE  Inquiry .

INQUIRY  Ask questions .enable other to make their thinking process visible  Show & feel curiosity about their conclusion and how they got there  Listen with open mind  Temporarily suspend your POV (conclusions) 9 .

GOALS OF QUESTIONS  Focus attention on specific topic  Surface ideas of other person 10 .

more proscribed proscribed response response. less shorter. 11 .TYPES OF QUESTIONS OPEN CLOSED Partner can give Partner can give longer.

(3 rounds) 12 . QUESTION TENNIS  Form two even teams  Team A member asks team B member a question  Team B member defines question as Open or Closed (don’t answer the question)  Next team B member asks next team A a question.

Focused on own 1. Demonstrate listening feel understood and understanding 3. Slow down listening to talk match speaking 13 . We can listen much faster then anyone can 3. Speaker doesn’t 2.hard to take in experience --take in others’ experience of another 2. PROBLEMS WITH LISTENING Approach to Problems with Listening Overcoming Problems 1. Free us from our ideas -.

BENEFITS TO ACKNOWLEDGING  Makes the partner feel understood by demonstrating understanding  Listener can make sure he/she is interpreting partner correctly  The discipline of paraphrasing the partner forces listener to listen more intently 14 .

ACKNOWLEDGING TECHNIQUES  Paraphrase – Clarify – Confirm  Empathize  Encourage 15 .

ideas and emotions 16 . ACKNOWLEDGING EXERCISE  Partners – Speaker describes how and why you entered your chosen career  Listener – listens and acknowledges key themes.

describe conclusion & Ladder of Inference Listeners ask questions & acknowledge 17 . INQUIRING INTO PARTNER’S LADDER Groups of 2: (Speaker & Listener) Speaker selects one topic  The value of cell phones  The impact of strip malls on community life  The best ways to balance career & family Speaker plan your description.

data. What leads you to conclude assumptions. etc Use un-aggressive language Can you help me understand your thinking? Acknowledge (active So what you’re saying is… listening) 18 . that? experiences.INQUIRY SKILLS Skills Examples Explain your reason for I’m asking about your inquiring assumptions because… Ask about their point of view What do you think about…? Ask about their beliefs.

LISTENING TO THE WHOLE DIALOGUE  Silently assess progress  Call attention to dialogue process  Ask for help in improving dialogue 19 .

choosing words that guide in that direction 20 . REFRAMING  Listen for meaning  Determine a desired direction for dialogue  Reframe.

ADVOCACY  Know your points of view and how you reached them  Explain your ladder to others  Position as your conclusions vs. “the truth” 21 .

This is how I got here… assumptions  I experienced this…  I believe this… Explain your reasoning I concluded this because… Explain impact and/or example It will impact…this way. beliefs. ADVOCACY SKILLS Skills Examples State point of view Here is my view… (Conclusions) Describe data. for example… Ask for reaction What do you think about what I just said? Can you add to it? 22 .

we reach impasse. 23 .  Example of differences?  Could be caused by different:  Roles and goals  Knowledge and experiences  Styles  Culture or language. RESOLVING DIFFERENCES  Points of view are so different.

learn reasons for point of view (data. beliefs. RESOLVING DIFFERENCES  Inquire .Explain your point of view (your ladder)  Use this to reach new conclusions. etc.)  Advocate . assumptions. negotiate resolution 24 .

assumptions. consequences 25 .best approach. experiences  Advocate . RESOLVING DIFFERENCES - STRATEGY  Question & listen for: point of view. data.Explain your point of view. data  Cite areas of agreement & differences  Resolve .use info for new approaches  Question . assumptions.

DIALOGUE CRITERIA  Psychologically satisfying  Logically satisfying  Change oriented 26 .

behavioral examples  Be a role model for self-reflection and continual learning 27 . accepting mistakes and focusing on positive change  Ensure application by giving specific feedback and using concrete. DIALOGUE GUIDELINES  Build relationships through respect. authenticity. mutuality  Ensure autonomy by listening  Enhance self-esteem by building on strengths.

Conversation 28 . TIMING THE COMPONENTS  Problem/Opportunity Identification - Dialogue Pre-work  Solution Identification .

HANDLING RESISTANCE FROM THE PARTNER  Use the conversation skills  “Time Out!”  Overcoming the deadlock 29 .

PHASES OF THE DIALOGUE PROCESS  Planning  Conducting the session  Follow up 30 .