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Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be

understood
&
Habit 6: Synergize

23 March 2017
Review

 In order to have a win-win mindset:

Be _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ in yourself and your abilities.

Avoid being overly _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

Avoid _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ yourself to others.
Habit 5: Seek first to understand
then to be understood.
Habit 5: Seek first to understand then to be
understood

 Is the habit of listening first and talking second.

 It helps you to see things from another’s point of view before
sharing your own.

 It allows you to really understand someone instead of trying to
solve their problem(s) or pass judgment.

 If someone feels truly understood, they are more likely to be
open to what you have to say and to feel as if you truly care
about their thoughts and feelings.
Video: Habit 5: Seek first to
understand then be understood.
Habit 5 broken down

 This habit is broken down into two parts.

 1. Seek first to understand.

 2. Seek to be understood.

 We will begin by talking about “seek to understand first.”
1. Seek to understand
 As the saying goes, you were given two ears and one mouth
because you should listen twice as much as you talk. That is the
basis for seeking to understand.

 Most people do not really listen, instead they are waiting for the
other person to finish talking so they can say what they are
thinking or feeling.

 They are normally too busy preparing their response, passing
judgement or listening through their personal perspective to
truly listen.
1. Seek to understand
 There are 5 poor listening skills that applies to everyone at one
time or another.
 1. Spacing out. This is when your mind wanders while someone
is talking to you.
 2. Pretend listening. They look like they are listening by nodding
their heads and saying things like “yeah” and “sounds great.”
 3. Selective listening. You are only paying attention to the
things that someone is saying that interest you.
 4. Word listening. You listen to someone’s words but not the
feelings they are trying to convey by those words.
 5. Self-centered listening. When you listen to someone but are
filtering what they are saying through your point of view.
1. Seek to understand
 Under the final poor listening skills, self-centered listening, when you
listen through your own point of view, you usually reply in one of
three ways;

 1. You judge. You make judgements about what they are saying. If
you are making judgments then you can’t really be listening.

 2. You advise. This is when you start giving advice based on your
own experience. You may think you understand what they are saying,
but your experience will never be the same as someone else’s.

 3. You Probe. This is when you try to bring up emotions in another
person before they may be ready to share them. It is better to just
listen and allow the person to talk about those feelings when they are
ready.
Communication is not all in the words
1. Seek to understand
 Genuine listening is a higher form of listening. To practice
genuine listening you must do 3 things differently:

 1. Listen with your eyes, heart and ears. You must pay attention
to all aspects of the conversation, not only what the person is
saying but what they are not saying (i.e. body language).

 2. Stand in their shoes. In this way, you try to see the world as
that person sees it and try to feel as they feel (empathy).

 3. Practice mirroring. In this habit, you repeat back in your own
words what the other person is saying and feeling.
For example: I can see that you are really upset by what
happened.
2. Seek to be understood

 This part requires courage. If you only practice the art of
understanding someone else’s perspective, then you are part of
a lose-win relationship (i.e. the doormat).

 In an equal relationship, both parties must understand and be
understood by the other. This takes patience and courage on
both sides. Once this achieved, then full cooperation and
understanding can take place.
Habit 6: Synergize
Habit 6: Synergize

 Synergy is the ability to create more together with others than
we can by ourselves; it is the habit of cooperation.

 It is about teamwork, openness and finding new solutions to old
problems.

 Synergy is producing better results together as a team versus
individually.

 It is the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Video about Synergy
What makes synergy possible?

 Valuing differences between each other makes synergy possible.
By valuing each member of the team for their strengths and
differences, you allow different perspectives and therefore, new
ideas are born.

 If everyone thought the same, then how could new solutions be
possible?

 Valuing everyone’s perspective makes the group stronger and
fosters the growth of ideas that benefit the whole vice the
individual.
Review
Habit 5
Poor listening skills Definition

1. Spacing out a. You are only paying attention to the
things that someone is saying that
interests you.
2. Pretend listening b. Your mind wanders while someone is
talking to you.
3. Selective listening c. Filtering what someone is saying
through your point of view.
4. Word listening d. You listen to someone’s words but not
the feelings they are trying to convey by
those words.
5. Self-centered listening e. You look like you are listening by
nodding your head and saying things like
“yeah” and “sounds great.”
Review
Habit 5

 To genuinely listen, you must do these 3 things:

 1. Listen with your _ _ _ _, heart and _ _ _ _. You must pay
attention to all aspects of the conversation, not only what the
person is saying but what they are not saying (i.e. body
language).

 2. _ _ _ _ _ in their shoes. In this way, you try to see the world as
that person sees it and try to feel as they feel (empathy).

 3. Practice _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. In this habit, you repeat back in your
own words what the other person is saying and feeling.
Review
Habit 6: Synergize

 The Synergize habit is about _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, openness and finding
new _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ to old problems.
Conclusion
 In Habit 5 we discussed how communication between people is
more effective when we first listen to what the other person has
to say before responding.

 The principles of Habit 5 ties directly into Habit 6 in which we
talked about synergy. In order to work effectively as a team, we
must be able to communication. Once effective communication
has taken place it allows for the energetic exchange of ideas to
take place.

 Remember that the whole is greater than the sum of its
parts!