Chemistry Jokes

Joke 1

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".

Joke 2

Classification of Chemistry

Physical Chemistry:
The pitiful attempt to apply y=mx+b to everything in the universe.

Organic Chemistry:
The practice of transmuting vile substances into publications.

Inorganic Chemistry:
That which is left over after the organic, analytical, and physical chemists get through picking over the periodic table.

Chemical Engineering:
The practice of doing for a profit what an organic chemist only does for fun.

Joke 3

Rules of the lab

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.

Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each time

First draw your curves, then plot your data.

Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.

Always keep a record of your data. It indicates that you have been working.

To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.

If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.

Team work is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.

All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.

No experiment is a complete failure. At least it can serve as a negative example.

Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.

Joke 4

A physical chemist is«.

a student who goes to university thinking he might want to be a physicist, but gets intidimated by maths.

Joke 5

How chemists do it...

Chemists do it reactively.

Chemists do it in test tubes.

Chemists do it in equilibrium

Chemists do it in the fume hood.

Chemists do it in an excited state.

Chemists do it periodically on table.

Chemists do it organically and inorganically.

Electrochemists do it with greater potential.

Polymer chemists do it in chains.

Pharmaceutical chemists do it with drugs.

Analytical chemists do it with precision and accuracy.

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