ASSERTIVENESS

TO ASSERT -Assertiveness is the direct and honest communication of your opinions, feelings, needs, and rights in a way that does not violate the personal rights of others.

Three types of individual behavior 1. Non-assertive behavior: The act of withdrawing from a situation. This is a passive approach to a situation (life), resulting in:
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Afraid to express one's feelings/opinions Allowing others to choose for you by not letting others know what he or she wants. Avoids looking at people Shows little or no expression Isolates self from groups Agrees with others, despite feelings Values self less than others Hurts self to avoid hurting others Guilt, anger

.Disadvantage:Disadvantage:This shows a lack of respect for your own needs and can lead to feelings of hurt. Person does not reach goals and may not know goals. anxiety and anger.

Aggressive behavior: The act of over reacting emotionally to a situation. defensiveness on the aggressor's part and hurt. but choosing for them Hostility. Aggression can also take the form of a lie or a misrepresentation of the facts.2. humiliation on the receiver's part Interrupts and 'talks over' others Speaks loudly Glares and stares at others Controls groups Only considers own feelings. This is a self-enhancing approach selfto a situation (life) resulting in: "Put down" feelings on the receiver's part Not allowing others to choose for themselves. and/or demands of others Values self more than others Hurts others to avoid being hurt           .

you are getting your own way. This. . no matter what other people think. can lead to people having less respect for you. in turn. In effect.Disadvantage: Aggressiveness creates the impression of disrespect for the other person.

When to use Assertiveness To express negative feelings about other people and their behaviors without using abusive language. To ask for assistance when you need it . To exercise and express your strengths To easily recognize and compliment other people s achievements To comfortably start and carry on a conversation with others. .

. To able to refuse unreasonable requests from friends. or co-workers.When to use ASSERTIVENESS  To have the confidence to ask for what is rightfully yours To accept criticism without being defensive. co-     A yes response to the statements indicates an assertive approach. To feel comfortable accepting compliments TO be able to stand up for your rights. family.

Assertive behavior: The act of declaring that this is what I am. what I think and feel. and what I want.3.  Mutual satisfaction at achieving a desired goal. direct self-expression of your thoughts and feelings. self Allowing others to choose for themselves. Open. Examples of assertive behavior:behavior: Speaks openly  Uses a conversational tone  Makes good eye contact  Participates in groups  Values self equal to others  Speaks to the point  Tries to hurt no one (including self) .

Keeping a Balance Need of others Our Need Passive Assertive Aggressive .

Need for Assertiveness    Voice 38% What is said 7% Body Language 55% .

Assertive ³Persuasion´ ‡ Relax (as far as possible) ‡ Have your information ready ‡ Be sure of your facts ‡ Calmly state your feelings ‡ Keep to the point ‡ Acknowledge the other persons point of view ‡ Encourage joint solutions where possible ‡ Go for ³Win ± Win´ ‡ Summarise the Situation. Acknowledge Feelings Make positive statements Listen & Question .

Focus on "I" not "You" language Listen and let people know you have heard what they said.Tips to behave assertively           Speak up when you have an idea or opinion. Respect others' opinions when in a conversation Be diplomatic. Focus on specific behavior and facts instead of opinions or personal remarks . Accept both compliments and feedback. Stand up for your opinions and stick to them. Explain why you are refusing but don·t be overly apologetic. Recognize the other person's situation or feelings . Ask questions for clarification. Refuse requests if they are unreasonable.

.Six techniques for assertive communication       Behavior Rehearsal Repeated Assertion (the 'broken record') Fogging Negative enquiry Workable compromise Maintain a daily diary & note down situations where you used assertiveness & situations where you were aggressive or passive.

I am not well. how it affects you and what you want to do) .Types Of Assertiveness Basic Assertion (I am upset. Even I am upset about the whole matter) Escalating Assertion (Mentioning some action that can be taken) I-language assertion (Description of other s behavior. Empathetic Assertion (I understand. you find this situation frustrating. not feeling good).

I directly address things that bother me. I consider my needs as important as others.Self assertion           I am honest and direct about my thoughts and feelings. I am confident about my opinions and decisions. I am able to turn down requests that seem unreasonable or unfair. I can accept positive criticism and suggestions. I speak up and share my views if I disagree with others' opinions. I am able to accept that someone else may have a better idea or solution to a problem than I do. I speak confidently about things that matter a lot to me. . I ask for help when I need it.

Assertive Behaviour .

She returns it with pages missing. but he never repays you.      You lend a friend one of your books. You are tired and have to get up early in the morning. Your doctor prescribes a medicine but doesn't tell you what it is for or if there are any side effects. Your friend always asks to borrow a few dollars when you go out. this really bothers you. You are eating lunch and the person next to you smokes throughout the meal. You begin to resent that he does this all the time. A work colleague is standing at your desk gossiping & is holding you up from finishing an important project . A relative calls you late at night just to talk.

.   Someone in the van you are riding in decides to sing and does so for 15 minutes. but she doesn't. He doesn't call and when you call him he tells you he has already done the work and your bill is Rs2000. You bring your car to a garage for service. The new shoes you bought three weeks ago are already starting to fall apart. It begins to get on your nerves and you politely ask her to stop. You take them back to the store where you bought them. You ask the mechanic to call and let you know how much it will cost before doing the work.

 You are being interviewed for a job in a new field and the director asks. "Why should I hire you when you have no experience?´  Cousin Jessie. is on the phone. She says that she is planning to spend the next three weeks with you. .  One of your children has come in late consistently for the last 3 or 4 days. with whom you prefer not to spend much time.

You are meeting a co-worker for the first time outside of work. They show up 20 minutes late.    Someone at work is making inappropriate jokes at your expense. . You have a friend who is consistently 15 to 20 minutes late when meeting you. always pointing out what she believes are your shortcomings. An overly critical relative that you see regularly tends to throw veiled insults at you.

"I'm just about to beat this level. You are working on a group assignment with three other students. they will either not get it done by the due date. You have put a lot of time into it. How could this situation be handled assertively? For instance. and have almost completed your designated section. the other members of the group do not appear to be pulling their weight. You are concerned that if they continue in this manner. if you have an assignment due tomorrow and your friends ask you to go out with them tonight   . In fact. or fails to respond at all. or do such a poor job of it that it puts you all at risk of failing. he says. You need to use the internet to do research for an essay which is due tomorrow. The problem is that your son is playing games on the computer. Each time you ask if you can use the computer." or he just grunts. they seem to spend more time telling jokes and making paper planes than doing actual work. However.

but his guests are trying to talk over the music. Although you are fond of his musical tastes. they want your help during the two weeks you'll be on vacation. It's time sensitive and. When you're in an argument. Your company gets a new project and they need you. of course. Your waiter brings your food after a very long wait. you tend to be most concerned with You still have a lot of study to do for tomorrow's exam. What would be an assertive way to handle this situation?     . Someone cuts in front of you in a line. it's cold. You go to dinner at your favorite restaurant. the volume is way too loud and is interfering with your concentration. Not only that. and have one planned for next week. Your housemate has finished all his exams and is having a party at your place. You haven't taken a vacation for a while. and when it finally arrives.

. WILL NOT SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS DOES NOT GUARANTEEE YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU WANT. DOESN·T JUST HAPPEN.ASSERTIVENESS 1. 3. 4. DOES NOT GUARANTEE YOU HAPPINESS OR FAIR TREATMENT. 2.