Introduction to Communication

Watzlawick’s Five Axioms of Communication

These basic axioms are necessary to have a functioning communication between two individuals.
If one of these axioms is somehow disturbed, communication might fail.

It's not possible not to communicate: Every behaviour is a kind of communication. Because
behaviour does not have a counterpart (there is no anti-behaviour), it is not possible not to
communicate.
Every communication does have both a setting of content and one of relations: This
means that all communication includes, apart from the plain meaning of words, more information
- information on how the talker wants to be understood and how he himself sees his relation to
the receiver of information.
The nature of a relationship is dependent on the punctuation of the partners
communication procedures: Both the talker and the receiver of information structure the
communication flow differently and therefore interpret their own behaviour during
communicating as merely a reaction on the other's behaviour (i.e. every partner thinks the other
one is the cause of a specific behaviour). Human communication cannot be de-solved into plain
causation and reaction strings, communication rather appears to be cyclic.
Human communication involves both digital and analogue modalities: Communication
does not involve the merely spoken words (digital communication), but non-verbal and analogue-
verbal communication as well.
Inter-human communication procedures are either symmetric or complementary,
depending on whether the relationship of the partners is based on differences or
parity.
 The TA-model of communication
(Transactional analysis)
 Transactional analysis is a model of human communication –
discovered from Eric Berne - in which the basic element is a critical
transaction: a signal from one person – it doesn’t matter if
it’s verbal or non-verbal – and a response from another
person. Parent
 From Watzlawick we know, that you cannot have no ego-state nurturing
communication: you are sending signals if you are aware of
it or not. That is why it is so important to be able to notice,
who is sending what kind of signals to you and what you are
sending to another person.
 Within the transactions we send well-liked signals as praise,
appreciation, comforting, but we also give negative signals
like criticism, suffering words, and reproach.
Adult
 In the TA model a person is considered in 3 parts:
ego-state

free
Child adapted
ego-state rebellious
 The ego-states and some typical
expressions
Critical
Parent (cP)
Words: you should, must, never;
you cannot do that; that’s childish;
everybody knows that; how could
you?; proverbs, idioms, moralising
comments
Voice: sharp, decisive, strained,
impatient, patronising, dressing-
down
Gesture, mimicry, attitude:
Point-finger arouse, eyebrow high,
head trembling, shoulders stiff;
nurturing
Parents (nP)
Words: good, nice, lovely, you
poor,
We’ll arrange/ manage this, what
kind of wishes do you have?, can I
help you? Don’t worry, don’t get
angry, ...
Voice: with love, smooth,
comforting, attentive, soothing
Gesture, mimicry, attitude:
Body towards the receiver, arms
are
moving towards the r., stroking the
other’s hair, with understanding, …
 The ego-states and some typical
expressions

Adult (A)

Words: what, why, how, where, who; correct; practical; what are the
facts?; What follows?; What is necessary, what fits?; I conclude …

Voice: objective, balanced, correct, monotone

Gesture, mimicry, attitude: thoughtful, observant, open, eye

contact, upright, open-minded, interested, perceptive, testing,
concentrated
 The ego-state and some typical expressions
Words: phh; i didn’t do Rebellious Free Words: Great!, nice!,
it; no!!; you must be child (rC) child *$!#ing great!; I need…; I
(fC)
joking!; Why me?; I won’t don’t like …; I’m angry,
take that; quit that!;
Voice: loud, free, energetic
you’re nuts!; that’s none
of your *$!#ing business! Gesture, mimicry,
attitude:
Voice: defiant,
Laughing, air-kissing, direct
demanding, moody, loud,
adapted anger, crying, bright-eyed,
grumbling
child (aC) open mouth, lively, excited,
Gesture, mimicry, relaxed, playful,
attitude: Words: thank you,spontaneous,
please, perhaps, I hope so, i
Closed up, chin and lips curious,
would like to…, I don’t know,expressing feelings
I’ll try, that’s
forward, sprawled, unfair, it’s always me…
stamping, pouting,
Voice: monotone, humble, tearful, soft,
sticking the tongue out,
pleading
refusing, protesting
Gesture, mimicry, attitude: restrained, sad,
pouting, closed, dejected, hanging shoulders,
downcast glance, crossed arms and legs,
shrugging, shy, fearful, gives in easily
 TA-model of communication
 All these parts are included in every personality – but in
different percentages. It depends on education/ socialisation,
on the context, which part will dominate in a concrete
situation. By reflecting you will find out, which part ist more
dominant in which situation in your life and how useful this
combination is for a successful communication.
 In general, the combination of the adult ego-state, the
nurgering parental style and the free child ego-state makes
working together easier, since it improves information flow
and feedback.
 With practice, the adult ego-state can take the role of an
arbitrator.

 Transactions

In the TA model there are three patterns of transactions:

1. A B 2. A B 3. A
B

Parallel = complementary Crossed transaction “under

transaction transaction the carpet”
 Your own experience

 Think about situations in your life, where you are using

elements of the different ego-states while communicating.
 What kind of experience have you made?
 What did you say? What did the other person say?
 What kind of non-verbal signals were sent?
 What is your hypothesis about the ego-states?
 What was your inner reaction? (feelings, impulse to act or speak)
 How have you and the other person behaved?
 How successful was the communication?
 which of your reactions have been appropiate/ which not?
 If you are thinking about a problem in your profession, try to
distinguish your sentences, which you are planning to say in
such, which will be appropriate to the parent-ego, to the child-
ego and to the adult ego; it will be a good preparation to avoid
misunderstanding or conflicts.
 You will see, if you reflect like this, that it is usually possible to
identify the ego-state: through your behaviour, both you and
your partner have an idea of what ego-state you are in and
what state you provoke in the other person (you can draw
conclusions from your automatic reaction to the other person’s
ego-state).
 Conclusions from the model
1. Berne found out that some ego-states are more productive for our
communication than others (A, nP, fC)
2. The ego-state-model is a good instrument for the analysis of
confusing discussion situations and for finding solutions or
decisions
3. The model widens the possibilities for making choices
4. It helps me guide my behaviour in a better way
5. Avoid putting people into boxes or categories
6. Become more aware of your own blind spots (that usually stem
from adult or child ego-states), e.g. use the Johari window
7. A mature personality is conscious of their current ego-state and is
able to change it – depending on the situation – in the interests of
positive communication
The four-ears model of Schulz von Thun

Facts Ear Relationship Ear

Self-disclosure Ear Appeal Ear

Appeal

Sender Facts Message Relationship Receiver

Self-disclosure
 Relationship Side

What’s my attitude towards you and our relationship?

 Messages contain a statement about how one person views the other as well as
about the state of their relationship. This shows itself in
 The chosen formulation
 Cadence or tone of voice,
 Non-verbal expressions (e.g. mimic, gestures,)
 It is impossible to discuss on the facts level without in some way coming into
contact on the relationship level.
 The relationship level dominates the facts or information level (iceberg model
 If problems in the relationship sharpen, the only thing that helps is to talk about
it: the information must wait until the relationship is restored.

Mother Daughter
“Put on your jacket as well! - Facts / Content
It is cold outside.”
Self-
Sender Message Appeal Receiver
disclosure

Relationship
You won’t make the right decision on your own!
 Facts Side

What am I informing about?

 Messages contain factual information, i.e. Concrete information about a particular
topic.
 Objectivity is a given when I can make myself understood by the receiver without
one of the other three sides gaining the upper-hand.

It is cold outside!
Mother Daughter
“Put on your jacket as well! - Facts / Content
It is cold outside.”
Self-
Sender Message Appeal Receiver
disclosure

Relationship
 Self-disclosure Side

What am I saying about myself?

 A message also says something about the sender, the person speaking.
 This self-disclosure can either be conscious or unconscious.

Mother Daughter
“Put on your jacket as well! - Facts / Content
It is cold outside.”
Self-
Sender Message Appeal Receiver
disclosure
I’m concerned
about you!
Relationship
 Appeal Side

What am I trying to induce you to do? What effect do I want to have?

 A message contains not only information, but also the intention to influence the other
person to do, not do, think or feel something. There are three variants:
 Hidden Appeal The sender tries “softly, softly” to generate some “good weather”
for his undertaking, without his competitor noticing
 Paradox Appeal The sender says the opposite of what he intends to achieve, since he
knows that the receiver doubts his word anyway
 Open Appeal A direct expression of wishes or demands

Mother Daughter
“Put on your jacket as well! - Facts / Content
It is cold outside.”
Self-
Sender Message Appeal Receiver
disclosure
Put on your
jacket!
Relationship
 Questions for the Sender

Factual aspect
 How can I communicate the factual content clearly and without
misunderstanding?
Relationship aspect
 How do I treat other people through my style of communication?
Self-disclosure aspect
 What do I want to disclose about myself
Appeal aspect
 Do I induce someone to behave in a particular way due to my style
of communication, without realising it?
 The Four Sides Of A Message – Example

Factual aspect

What I’m informing you

about:

“The traffic light is green”

The “message”
Self-disclosure Appeal aspect
aspect “Hey, the
light’s
Sender turned
What I’m saying Receiver
green!” What I am trying to
about myself: induce you to do?
(Husband) (Wife)
“Step on it!”
“I’m in a hurry”

The Situation:
Wife is driving, husband is
passenger
Relationship aspect

My attitude towards you

and our relationship

“You need my support”

 Communication Tips

Facts

1. Remain factual
2. Speak understandably
3. Listen analytically
Self-disclosure Appeal

7. Speak in the first person 10. Present convincing arguments

Discussion
8. State your own opinion 11. Ask questions
9. Clarify intentions and goals 12. Steer fairly

Relationship

4. Listen actively
5. Mention feelings
6. Give and receive feedback
 Tips for Conversations – Facts

1. Remain objective
 Place the topic as focus of the conversation, rather than yourself
or your own interests. The following behaviours could support
objectivity:
 Formulate the topic as a common problem-in-common
 Analyse the problem
 Collect various solution ideas
 Ask for information
 Designate opinions as personal evaluations
 Compare estimates with current values
 Discuss the consequences in several dimensions (financial, personnel,
technological, organisational)
1. Speak understandably
 Messages are easier to understand when the speaker organises
his thoughts and presents them in a logical order. The following
tips help:
 Use short, simple sentences with common words; explain foreign
words and jargon where necessary.
 Present the information in a logically-constructed form, with a
recognisable path.
 Keep the message short and concise, sticking to the important points.
 Use additional stimuli: pictures, comparisons, illustrations (possibly
 Tips for Conversations – Facts

3. Listen analytically
 Factual content can be discussed more clearly when the
discussion partner listens analytically and not associatively.
Listening analytically means:
 Don’t lose your train of thought through stimulating words.
 Stick to the statements of your discussion partner and don‘t go on
tangents.
 Check the validity of the arguments rationally, don‘t let emotions
deflect you.
 Check the arguments for unspoken assumptions and superficially
plausible rationale.
 Tips for Conversations – Relationship

4. Active listening
 Listening in people-centred discussions is called active, when it is
not limited to a passive reception of information, but rather involves
a range of highly active processes:
 To put oneself in the other person’s shoes, to think and feel from his
perspective
 To attempt to comprehend what the other person really means and
wants to say (i.e. not to get stuck on certain sayings or key words)
 Try to sense the emotional state and mood of the other person
 Keep back one’s own evaluations, suggestions and spontaneous
reactions or sometimes for a while knowingly suppress them
 Let the other person know that you’re following his statements by use of
body signals (eye contact, “hmm”, nodding)
 Actively listening is recognisable, when the listener
 Summarises the sender’s statements and attempts to repeat
 Notes the emotional state of the other person and addresses it;
 Sticks to the main message with open questions, or those that invite
further reflection;
 Can withstand pauses;
 Sends nonverbal signals (see above)
 Tips for Conversations – Relationship

5. Discuss feelings directly

 Emotions are usually recognised and decoded from non-verbal
signals. Physical responses typically fall into one of three basic
categories:
 Like (joy, trust, sympathy, satisfaction, hope)
 Dislike (Aggression, Antipathy, defensiveness, discontent)
 Anxiety (fear, doubt, disappointment, pain, evasion)
 At work people are generally shy about mentioning the
discussion partner‘s emotions. It requires sensitivity and practice
to formulate the observed emotional state accurately and
appropriately.
 Tips for Conversations – Relationship

6. Give feedback
 One should lets one’s discussion partner know how you’re
experiencing the situation and the other person, after certain
episodes or passages. Such statements are helpful when there
are misunderstandings or conflicts.
 With feedback, you let the other person know how you have
understood his statements, what wishes you have, and how you
have experienced him. It is just as important to receive such
statements, as to give them, without reacting crossly, out of
sorts or defensively.
 Such responses are better received, when you
 Describe content instead of passing judgement;
 Formulate emotions directly instead of indirectly;
 Speak in the first person (“I”) instead of third person (“One”, “it”);
 Allow reciprocity, i.e. staff can speak to their manager in the manager
that he speaks to them.
 State your own wishes (concretely what the other person should do
differently)
 Tips for Conversations – Self-disclosure

7. Speak in the first person

 A discussion partner seems more believable, when he
expresses his beliefs and emotions. It is particularly import in
conflict situations, to admit one’s feelings and discuss them
openly.
 Personal statements can be recognised since
 They are in the first person (“I’m annoyed every time that you’re
late.” “I don’t dare consult the director about this matter.”)
 Formulations in the second or third person are omitted. (“You can
never be on time!”)
 One leaves out “one” formulations. (“One cannot talk to the
director about such a matter!”) At work the focus is on concrete
decisions and individuals, not general pearls of wisdom
 Observations and wishes are expressed directly and in a timely
manner (not: “I could imagine you taking over this task...”, but: “I
want you to take over this task”).
 Tips for Conversations – Self-disclosure

8. State one’s own opinion

 Every supervisor has his own opinion; some, however, believe they should
not state it (e.g. at evaluations) or that they have to align themselves with
the authorities (their supervisors or experts). Supervisors are often
recommended that they should withhold their opinion. However, it helps
their credibility and the teamwork, when the supervisor
 Has the courage not to shy away from unpleasant messages and personal
statements;
 Develops a sense for when his opinion is needed or wanted, and when not;
 Doesn’t present his opinion as scientific truth, but lets people recognise the
subjectivity (“In my opinion …”, “My experience tells me …”)
8. Clarify intentions and goals
 Meetings can be shorter and more concentrated when the chair states his
intentions and goals clearly. For this he should
 State his personal ideas and goals
 Pay attention to the ambiguity of goals; they can have human, technical,
financial and organisational aspects
 Discuss conflicting goals (between people or different aspects) openly
 Tips for Conversations – Appeal
10.Argue convincingly
 The persuasiveness of an argument is increased when it connects with the
listener’s ideas, frame of reference and motives. The following approach brings
someone to the required consequences:
 Set goals
 Take expectations and experience of staff into account
 Analyse approaches
 Take positive and negative consequences into account
 Determine concrete measures
10.Ask questions
 Questions mark the “royal path” through a discussion. Who asks questions, forces
his listener to answer. So that someone cannot avoid answering, you should not
ask several questions at the same time. One can distinguish between closed,
open, direct and indirect questions:
 Closed questions can only be answered with “yes, “no” or with facts (“Have you
finished the experiment?”)
 Open questions allow the person questioned to give his view (“How far are you with
the experiment?”)
 Direct questions explore what the questioner wants to know (“What do you think
about Smith’s suggestion?”)
 Indirect questions follow a particular strategy (leading or ambiguous questions) (“Do
you not think Smith’s suggestion is too expensive?”)
 Tips for Conversations – Appeal

12.Steer fairly
 The other person must be able to recognise what you intend and
have a chance to propose an alternative. The following behaviours
differ from manipulative techniques in that they are open and
transparent:
 Define and formulate issues: Where are we? What’s it about?
 Propose the method for resolving the issue: a scheme for analysing the
problem, meeting minutes, facilitation, set a time limit etc.
 Make suggestions and ask others to also.
 Make statements concrete: request, clarify, refer to the topic
 Ask for and give information
 Summarise statements occasionally, and draw conclusions
 Bring about a decision and make it binding.