Joy Anne C.

Nicodemus, MD Department of Family and Community Medicine

People with high self esteem behave confidently

Low self esteem stops all efforts to be confident

€ Relationships € Work € Parenting € Life

skills (decision making, achieving, improving situations or circumstances you don·t like) € Expressing yourself

€ Taking

up new challenges € Being open to change € Self improvement

€ From within yourself € From others € From your achievements .

Defend yourself. . Your self esteem depends on it.

Starting out with low self-confidence Low self confidence can sabotage your efforts in trying something Less effort on taking new challenges or new things Reinforcement of low self confidence Likelihood to succeed becomes less Lack of accomplishment and failures .

Self-confidence More likely to attempt just about anything Attaining full potential! Incredible boost in selfconfidence Try and attempt more things Likelihood to succeed is much more! .

you develop a reflex to certain kinds of stimuli .€ Neurologically ƒ ƒ You are carving a path of least resistance through your brain! With enough reinforcement.

€ Example: smoker tries to quit smoking and fails ƒ ƒ ƒ € People who are eager to try anything ƒ ƒ ƒ Negative snowball takes effect Negativism to the idea of quitting If anyone suggests quitting n the future the brain automatically rejects possibility ´Trying to quitµ = ´Failureµ Negative Reflex ƒ Undeterred when they fail. if ever they do fail Positive reflex allows their thoughts to learn from their mistakes ´Failureµ = ´I·ll do even better next time!µ Positive Reflex .

€ Self ƒ imposed programming If we fail to do something perfectly the first time we try it we begin to believe that we cannot do it .

€ Negative ƒ ƒ programming from others ´You can·t do thisµ ´You·ll never be able to do thatµ .

What are the things that you have been led to believe you cannot attain but that you know intellectually are entirely possible? .

Positive Affirmations Guided Visualization Mental Imagery Goal-Oriented Meditation Breathing Techniques Subliminal Programming Whole-Brain Learning .

€ Positive Affirmations ƒ ƒ ƒ Carefully-worded statements that you repeat to yourself Designed to establish new thinking patterns in your mind When you think you can do it then you can do it! .

power and self-confidence as you do each affirmation . and KNOW it! Allow yourself to experience the feelings of joy. BELIEVE it. satisfaction. to keep in mind Repeat the statements to yourself (out loud or silently) When you repeat an affirmation. 3. FEEL it.€ Things 1. 2.

³I choose to be self-confident«´ ³I breath as a positive person«´ ³I am intelligent«´ ³My body language projects selfconfidence«´ ³I reject negativity at all levels of consciousness «´ .

€ Look ƒ ƒ for a model and learn from them What is it they do that makes them confident? How do they act? .

€ Focus ƒ on your achievements Even if you failed Try to work out what you did right Focus on how you could succeed next time .

€ Act as if you were confident .

€ Prepare thoroughly for any task so that you can be sure you are ready .

€ Work on any skills you need to do what you want ƒ You can never be over trained or over skilled for any challenge in life .

€ Learn relaxation skills .

€ Always smile .

€ Set reachable goals for yourself .

€ Reward yourself when you succeed .

€ Feel ƒ good when you want Find three things that make you feel good Memories of good times A piece of music A holiday souvenir A person·s face ƒ ƒ Use photos if it helps Practice thinking about them and bringing them to mind .

and wonder about who made it and how . look at the different textures and shades of color.€ Beat ƒ self consciousness Learn how to keep your attention off yourself Choose something ´everydayµ you can see and study it in detail y Example: examine a door.

€ Beat ƒ self consciousness Learn how to keep your attention off yourself Self consciousness in social situations maybe you don·t have enough to do! y Focus on what your purpose in the situation is y Are you there to« Find out it you like the other people in the situation Make others feel comfortable Find out some information Make business contacts .

€ Don·t take undue criticism ² Even from yourself! .

€ Confident-looking people have bad moments too .

doesn·t mean other people can tell .€ Just because you feel under-confident.

´You·re no good at anythingµ you are WRONG € Don·t let yourself make sweeping statements about yourself .€ If you are saying things to yourself like.

Building self-esteem is not just about thinking good of yourself. it·s about not thinking bad for no reason! .

€ Just because you have felt bad about yourself in the past does not mean you·re always going to feel that way .

´How can I become more able to resist the pressure and dominance of excessively dominant people?µ ´How can I stand up to bullies (or one bully in particular)?µ ´How can I exert a little more control in situations that are important to me?µ .

€ Dominance for the sake of being dominant € Not a natural behavior for most people € Assertive behavior of highly dominant people ƒ ƒ Driven by their personality (and often insecurity) Not something that has been ´trainedµ .

Leadership with dominance  Good leadership .

€ Inclusive. developmental and a force for what is right € Does not ´dominateµ non-assertive people it includes them and involves them .

€ Excessively dominant people € Very insecure people deep-down € Are too insecure to allow other people to have responsibility and influence .

and so it persists .€ Behavior is effectively reinforced by the response by ´secureµ and ´non-assertiveµ people to bullying ƒ Bullying dominant behavior is rewarded.

µ .€ Do not normally actually aspire to being excessively dominant people € ´I·d like to be more able to resist the pressure and dominance of excessively dominant people.

€ Know ƒ the facts and have them to hand If you know and can produce facts to support or defend your position it is unlikely that the aggressor will have anything prepared in response .

€ Anticipate ƒ ƒ ƒ other people·s behavior and prepare your responses Role play in your mind how things are likely to happen Prepare your responses according to the different scenarios that you think could unfold Prepare other people to support and defend you .

in any situation .€ Prepare ƒ ƒ and use good open-ended questions To expose flaws in other people·s argument Reliable way of gaining the initiative. and taking the wind out of someone·s sails.

´What is your evidence (for what you have said or claimed)?µ ´Who have you consulted about this?µ ´How did you go about looking for alternative solutions?µ ´How have you measured (whatever you say is a problem)?µ ´How will you measure the true effectiveness of your solution if you implement it?µ ´What can you say about different solutions that have worked in other situations?µ .

€ Stick to your guns € If the question is avoided or ignored ƒ ƒ Return to it Re-phrase it .

€ Re-condition and practice your own reactions to aggression ƒ ƒ ƒ Build your own ´triggered reactionsµ Give yourself ´thinking timeµ to prevent yourself being bulldozed ´Making a brick wallµ in the face of someone else·s attempt to dominate you without justification .

and I·ll get back to you«µ .µ ´I·m not sure about that. It·s too important to make a snap decision right now«µ ´I can·t agree to that at such short notice.Suggested Responses to Aggression ´Hold on a minute ² I need to consider what you have just said. Tell me when you really need to know.

and in between each time say calmly (and believe it·s true) ´You don·t frighten me.µ Practice it until you can control your response to being shouted at .€ Practice with your most scary friend shouting right in your face for you to ´do as you are toldµ ƒ ƒ Time after time.

€ Have ƒ faith that your own abilities and style will ultimately work if you let them Find out what your strengths and style are and use them to defend and support your position .

Process Checking Monitoring Communicating Interpreting & understanding Working with others Detail Dependability Reliability Finishing things .

€ Feel ƒ sympathy for bullies ² they actually need it Aggressors are often grown from children who were not loved. or from children who were forced to live out the aspirations of parents .

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