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Chapter 11 Asserting Yourself

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette

PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

Assertion  

Making your desires and feelings known in instances that matter to you is assertive. Failing to speak up in instances that are Unimportant to you is NOT necessarily Unassertive.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette

PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

Passivity, Aggression, Assertion    

Passive behavior is failing to make your desires known. Passive aggressive behavior is failing to be direct. Hostile aggressive behavior is being directly offensive. Assertion is making your feelings and desires known.
PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette  

The impetus for passive behavior, passive aggressive behaviour, and aggressive behavior is fear. Aggressive behaviour makes the other want to strike back.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette

PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

Fear Begets Anger 
  

Fear is at the root of all anger. Fear creates vulnerability. Fear triggers the fight or flight response. In negotiation, fight or flight is avoid or compete.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette

PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

Anger and Your Negotiation Effectiveness 
    

Anger creates physiological changes. Blood pressure may rise. Cognitive functioning diminishes. You are not in control of yourself when angry. Distress sets in. Incompetence sets in.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette

PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

Control Techniques 
    

Hold your breath. Count to ten. Check your perceptions. Recognize your anger. Do not panic. Think of something that makes you smile. Assess your options and act appropriately.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette

PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

Anger Management Tools 
    

Identify things that repeatedly make you angry. Identify your fears. Assess whether the fears are real or imagined. Get rid of imagined fears! Identify your options for real fears. Develop a strategy to conquer.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette

PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

Strategies for Anger Management 
     

If you are angry about something you cannot change, change yourself²your perception and understanding. yourself² Accept the past. Forgive. Let go. Challenge your thinking. Find other reasons for behaviours ² reasons that do not make you angry. Build your internal locus of control. Increase your self-esteem. selfIncrease your assertion skills.
PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette

Increasing Self-Esteem Self  

Load your mind with positive thoughts about yourself. Cancel negative aspirations from yourself and from others. Associate with people who make you feel good.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette

PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

Assertive Behavior Defined 
   

Specify the matter at issue. Specify your feelings about the matter. Specify how the matter affects you. Recognize the other·s view. Seek resolution.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette

PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

Building Assertion Skills 
 

  

Speak up. Make statements that contain the five elements: specific matter; specific feelings; specific effects; recognition of others; seeks resolution. Compliment others. Ask others to explain their reasoning. Make eye contact. Use ´Iµ often.
PRENTICE HALL ©2007 Pearson Education, Inc. Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT A Practical Guide to Developing Negotiation Strategies By Barbara A. Budjac Corvette