Northern

Lights

Hazel Christine
 Chapter One: Dear God
Cold winds blew scattering the autumn colors on the leaves falling from
the trees along the gold grass. I merely watched the dancing of the leaves from my
sitting place on one of the many green painted benches in Golden Gate Park. As
the wind blew through my long brown hair, I sat and waited for my father to call
and announce his arrival at the park to pick me up. My mother dropped me off
here to wait for him because, ever since their divorce, my father and she could not
be within twenty feet of each other without arguing. For that reason alone, I sat all
alone in the park.
People passed me with out even a glance my way. It didn’t really bother me
anyway because, in actuality, I was quite use to being overlooked here in San
Francisco. I finally got tired of watching people pass me by and sitting down, so
with that thought in mind, I stood from the bench to venture the park surroundings.
“Maybe I’ll get lost and not have to spend so much time with my father.” I thought
to myself. Unfortunately, my cell phone rang right at that moment declaring my
fathers appearance in the park.
“Hello.” I answered already moving to the usual place where he would park. “I’m
here.” He said in a monotone hurried voice.
“I know.” I replied with the same monotone but added a hint of irritation.
There was certain hostility between my father and me. When I was
younger, he loved having me around, but now that I was at the age of 16, he found
me a bore and nothing more than something that consumed his food and money.
My father’s black Chevy Tahoe sat in the exact same place as all the other
weekends when he would pick me up. My father was on his cell phone, as usual,
yelling at his secretary, also as usual.
“No, I said I wanted those files in today!” I situated myself in the car as my
father kept yelling into his black cell phone.
Without even a ‘hello’, he took the car out of parking and drove off out of
the park. It wasn’t until he finally hung up with his secretary that he realized I was
in his presence.
“Hello, Catalina.” He greeted formally.
“Good morning, father. How is work?” I replied with the same formal tone
as his.
“Difficult. I’d say extremely difficult.” I knew my father was talking about
his employee’s being difficult rather than his actual work since he was a pretty
damn good lawyer.

2
 He was an exceedingly well organized, punctual, and proper, “get things
done quickly” kind of guy while my mother, on the other hand, was mellow,
sensitive, and calm, nature type of women. I was positive that is the reason for
their divorce.
“How is school going for you? Are all your grades A’s and B’s?” he
inquired driving down the frenzied streets of San Francisco.
“I’m sorry to inform you that I’m actually getting mostly B’s and C’s.” I
stated to his disappointment.
“Oh, I see…” he said with pure distaste in his voice. “Well, how about your
friends…?” I raised my eyebrow with confusion.
“What about them?” I questioned turning my head to look at him and try to
study is expression.
“Oh! So you do have friends!” the shock in his voice made me nauseous. I
merely rolled my eyes away from him.
“Yes, I do have a few.” I did fail to mention that the only two real friends I
had were moving away this very weekend and instead of spending as much time as
I could with them before they were to leave, I was here with my dad, whom would
rather not have me in his presence. Stupid custody order. “Do you have a
boyfriend?” he questioned with much interest. “Nope.” I exhaled an answer tired
with the conversation. It was somewhat impossible for me to have a conversation
with my father without getting bored after the first two questions he asked. My
father picked up my irate mood and stopped trying to converse with me.
It was a half hour drive to my father’s small house. I hated San Francisco
with a passion that was hard to put into exact words. The houses were just too
small and smashed between one another; it was simply ridiculous! I didn’t see how
any one could live in this city with all the noise and crazy people driving. Oh, and
don’t forget the extreme up hill and down hill streets that were scarier than roller
coasters. My father’s house was right smack between a bright pink house and a
dull blue house. If the house was a lot bigger and located somewhere other than
this city, it’d be a fairly elegant house. But stuck in the midst of the city from hell,
it looked more like a doll house.
My father helped me with my one bag of clean clothes and my backpack,
which was his way of being a ‘father’. I lived mostly with my mother and only
spent weekends and summer vacation with my father. I preferred it this way since
my mother and I had more things in common than my father and me. I did have an
older brother, Jake, but he married only a few months ago to a woman named
Stephañia and they lived in New York, another hell city, and rarely talked to me. I
do believe he and my brother had a better bond than I did with my father.
“Catalina, I have a meeting to go to. Will you be alright on your own for a
while?” he questioned as he stood at the door of my room. I simply turned my
head and nodded. He said nothing else and, then, silently left.
After I finished putting away the few clothes I had, I sat down on the bed
and looked out the window. Unlike my mother’s house out in the country, when I

3
stared out the window here all I would see was another small house with a window
staring back at me. The window across the street had its curtains drawn hiding the
life someone was having behind them. I wondered what that person or persons
were doing at that very moment as I sat in the silent house. I wondered if there was
a lively and happy family behind that curtain or if it was someone who was all
alone like I was. A sigh escaped my lips. The house may have been quiet and still,
but outside the cars passed by in a hurried speed making as much noise as they
could in the process. In this city, it felt as though everyone was always in a hurry,
like there was just no time to sit down and relax. This feeling made me incredibly
uneasy. For me, I rarely had anything to do, so I spent my time reading or painting.
Today, however, I didn’t feel like doing either of those things. To put it plainly, I
was bored out of my mind. Boredom can be very dangerous in my case because of
the fact that the only thing I’d have left to do was think profoundly about my life.
In most cases, I hardly ever came up with good feelings once I’d start thinking. As
I sat there, I gazed blankly out the window wondering if I’d make new friends
after my old ones moved away. Don’t get me wrong, I talked to other people, but
they weren’t people I thought I could actually fit in with. I just couldn’t imagine
how my life was going to be in high school now. I took in a deep breath and then
exhaled it slowly.
Since there wasn’t much else to do, I decided to call my friends, they’re
brother and sister that’s why they were moving away at the same time (go figure!).
“Hello?” Lily answered.
“Hey, how are you guys? Still packing?” I probed lying down on my bed
with a smile creeping out from joy of hearing my friend’s voice.
“Yeah, we are still packing. You’re with your dad right? How is that going
for you?” she chuckled knowing how much I hated coming over here.
“I’m all alone right now. So it’s going pretty good I’d say.” I laughed
making my smile wider. “So are you guys leaving today?” I asked curious. There
was a moment of silence where, I believe, she was calculating if, in fact, they’d be
ready to leave by the end of the day.
“Yes, I believe so. If not we’d leave early tomorrow. It all depends if my
parents feel rested enough to leave today.” She declared.
“Oh”, came out from my lips quietly. Someone called Lily’s name and said
something to her that was hard for me to make out.
“Listen, Cat, I’ma have to let you go. I need to help out here, but I’ll call
you later alright?”
“Yeah, sure. Tell your brother I said hi.”
“Will do, bye.”
“Bye.” I hung up and set my phone down with a sigh. “What the hell am I
going to do now?” I thought. I was hoping the conversation with my friends would
have lasted longer than that, now I had so much free time until it was a reasonable
time to go to sleep. I grabbed my phone to check the time and to my surprise, it
was only three in the afternoon; it’d be a while before sundown. “Ugh.” I set my

4
phone down deeply disappointed. I finally gave up on lying down and went
downstairs to the living room where I could possibly find something to watch on
TV. The funny thing about TV is that you could have a thousand channels and still
find nothing worth watching. Frustrated, I turned off the TV and went back into
my room to try and find something to keep myself entertained.
The sun was already starting to set when I finally began to paint on the
blank canvas I had been staring at for the past hour or so. My hand brushed and
smeared paint over the canvas bringing to life the image in my head. Only red,
gold and orange appeared in my picture. Autumn was the season I loved to paint
the most. My mother loved love paintings and would hang most of them up while
my father not only hated my paintings, but hated the fact that I’d rather spend time
painting than socializing.
It was seven when my father finally came home and by then I had drawn
quite a few pictures. I heard his soft steps as he started walking to the second floor.
I liked to think of these houses as one and a half houses since it was too small to
actually be called a two story. There was a soft tap on my door before my father
opened the door.
“Catalina, how are you holding up?” He asked almost concerned.
“I’m good father. I’ve been painting the whole day. How was your
meeting?” I asked just to be polite.
“Very well, I’d say. Have you eaten yet?” he questioned as I added detail to
one of the benches in my painting.
“Yes.” I lied since I didn’t want to stop painting just to eat.
“Alright then.” With that said, he left me alone to keep on painting. A
couple of hours passed before I was finally tired and decided to go to sleep.
*
“Catalina!” Someone shook my shoulder and yelled close to my ear. I
groaned demanding to be left alone to be able to get some more sleep, but the
shaking didn’t cease. “For God’s sake, Catalina, get up!” it was my father’s voice
whom yelled at me and his hands shaking my shoulders.
“What?” I whined opening my eyes and sitting up to see what he wanted.
“It’s your mother, Catherine…” He had my full attention now since his
voice sounded full of worry.
“W-what about her?” I inquired anxiously rubbing the sleepiness from my
eyes.
“There’s been an accident.” His reply was just a little over a whisper and
his eyes didn’t’ look at me, but instead, stared at my deep red comforter. I couldn’t
really grasp what he was telling me.
“Is she alright?” I choked out knowing that most likely she got seriously
injured if his expression was as dim as it was.
“No, Catalina, we have to go over there now. Get ready quickly.” My eyes
swelled up with tears, but only a few slipped and streaked down my cheeks. My
father gave me a quick hug then stepped away from my bed. “Be ready. We don’t

5
know how much ti-” he swallowed thickly stopping himself from completing the
sentence. “She would want to see you right away.” I nodded closing my eyes
causing some more tears to fall.
I got ready in record time and was in my father’s car before he was. As I sat
waiting in the car, I thought about how injured my mother could be. By the way
my father’s tone was earlier, it seemed as though she was extremely hurt and
possibly she could be ….dying. I immediately pushed the thought out of my mind.
‘No, my mother is going to be alright.’ I thought just as my father got into the car
unsteadily. The whole two hours to the hospital where my mother was staying
went by in silence. My head was filled with thoughts I rather did not want to have.
My nails were chewed off to an imaginable small size from the anxiety by the time
the hospital was in sight. My mother had just gotten out of surgery when we asked
about her and visitation.
“Only one at a time, though, and don’t cause her any sort of stress.” The
nurse informed us. My father gave me a little push. That was his way of telling me
to go first, which was best since just seeing my father might cause my mother
stress. I nodded his way and started down the hallway towards my mother’s
temporary room.
She looked incredibly awful. There was no other way to describe it. Her
forehead was bound in strips of cloth, I supposed that was covering the worst part,
I wasn’t sure though. Her once beautiful face now had small cuts and drying blood
all over. The right side of her face was swollen in various places. Her right eye
was almost fully closed with only a small slit for her to see through, if it were
possible. There was a cast on her right arm and one her leg. The rest of her body
was covered preventing me from seeing anything else.
“M-m-mom?” I stuttered out whilst I made my way to the chair that sat
next to her bed.
“Catalina?” her voice was hoarse and hard to hear.
“Yes, mother, it’s me.” Her left hand searched blindly for mine. I grabbed
hers and squeezed it softly worried that I might hurt her if I put too much strength
into my grip. She didn’t say anything right away but merely focused on trying to
breathe in the oxygen the tube in her nose was providing.
“So,” she attempted to chuckle but it came out more like a rough cough.
“How bad is it?” a small painful smile tried to leak from her lips. The chuckle I
gave almost came out as a cry, but I knew tears would devastate my mother and
that was no good for her right now.
“Ah, not that bad. I think you need to redo your highlights, though, mom.”
Keeping a light hearted structure was getting harder by the minute.
“Well, that’s good. I feel like crap right now.” She tried to laugh again.
“Mom, don’t try to laugh. It hurts you. I can tell.” Her eyes stared into mine
stabbing my heart with her obvious pain that she couldn’t suppress anymore. Tears
formed in my eyes and, even thought I tried my hardest to keep them from
spilling, they rolled down my cheeks one after the other. My arms wrapped around

6
my mother’s fragile body. “Oh God, Mom!” I exclaimed with pain clear in my
voice. My mother was crying now, also, and I felt terrible for losing my calm and
causing her stress now.
“I-I’ll be alright, Catalina.” Her voice spilt with sudden short cries. As
much as I wanted to believe her words, there was still a fraction of my mind that
told me nothing was going to be the same.
“I really hope so mom…” I was screaming at myself mentally to shut the
hell up and compose myself. My mother didn’t need this worry I was pushing
down on her shoulders.
“Don’t be so pessimistic, Catalina.” She tried laughing and succeeded, but
then that laugh came more as a soft cough and that cough became a loss of breath
in short moments.
“Mom? Mom? Mom Breathe! Come on Mom!” my panicked voice shook
as much as my hands did.
With the rapid breaths she tried to take in, there were rapid beeps coming
from the monitors. It was only a matter of minutes before doctors and nurses
started flowing into the room and pushing me out the door. They rushed to my
mom’s side trying to quickly figure out what was wrong with her. I heard myself
screaming her name as one of the nurses forcefully pushed me out the door
shutting it behind me. Another nurse came to pull me away from the door to make
sure I didn’t try to force myself in. Tears that I had been trying to hold back now
flowed from my eyes at an accelerating speed. I saw my father stand from the
couch where he was sitting and come rushing to my side to put his arms around
my trembling body. He sat me down on the couch and stroked my hair telling me
to calm down because everything was going to be alright, but I could bring myself
to actually believe it. Why couldn’t I have hope? Was I really just being
pessimistic? No, something is definitely not right. I could feel deep within me. As
the realization seeped in more deeply that my mother would most likely not
survive this, the tears came faster. I didn’t know how I could possibly cry so much,
but there I was with tears soaking my shirt as the fell. I tried taking in deep breaths
to calm myself. Damnit this was my entire fault! I couldn’t keep myself composed
enough to keep my mother from worrying and now she’s suffering. I closed my
eyes so I could just try to stop crying. Crying would do anything to help my
mother right now. I needed to concentrate on believing and praying that she will
pull through this…because she will, right?
It only took me a few moments until I fell asleep in the hospital waiting
room. I wasn’t sure how long I had slept but when I woke up I was stretched out
on one of the long couches and my father was no where in sight. I sat up
lethargically rubbing my eyes and trying to focus my sight. It took only seconds
for me to remember what had been going on before I fell asleep and that’s when I
started to panic. How was my mother? What happened to her? Will she be alright?
Is she alright? Is she in pain? Did she have more surgery? Is she in surgery right
now? Did she pull through? Is she…dead? I swallowed hard and forced myself not

7
to think of that. My father came into sight with two cups of coffee in his hands. I
tried to smile at the thought of having warm coffee down my throat, but at that
moment I didn’t feel like I could be able to hold anything down. He handed me my
cup of coffee with a smile that didn’t wash the stress away from his eyes.
“Do you know how she is dad?” I asked once he sat down next to me. I
could tell that he was trying to buy himself time because he took a long sip from
his cup of coffee.
“She’s in surgery again.” He said with a sigh.
“Well, what have the doctors told you? I know they have told you
something about her chances in living. Dad, please just tell me. I don’t want to be
lied to right now.” I tried pleading with him still holding the untouched coffee he
handed me on my lap.
His eyes stared straight ahead for a few seconds. I presumed that he wasn’t
going to tell me anything because of the silence he engulfed us in, but then his lips
began to move as he spoke softly.
“She has a lot of internal injuries, Catalina. The doctors are saying that…
her chances, well, they’re-they’re,” his lips lightened into a thin line as he took in
a deep breath.
“Her chances are slim, aren’t they?” I asked to make things just a little bit
easier for him.
My father nodded as simply answer. I sighed once again feeling the water
works coming on, but fought them back. I need to be calm and coherent at this
moment.
“She’ll make it, Catalina. Your mother is a strong woman. She just needs to
fight and I’m sure she will.” My father tried comfort me with assurance, but once
again I couldn’t believe it.
He just admitted her chances were poor so how could be so sure that she’d
live. Once again, why couldn’t I hope? It was getting frustrating that I just doubted
everything. Perhaps, I was trying to get it through my head that my mother was
going to die so when the news finally did come I wasn’t going to go crazy and
possibly die inside. Yes, perhaps that was the reason for my lack of faith, but it
didn’t do justice for my mother. I knew she was a fighter. I knew she was stronger
enough to make it, to live and yet I doubted my mother’s will to live.
“Mr. and Ms. Danielson?” the doctor questioned as he stood before my
father and me. We both nodded to confirm the doctor’s question.
“How is she, Doctor?” My father asked before I could open my own mouth
to ask the same question.
The hesitation from the doctor told me that he didn’t have good news.
Either she made it through but she’s holding on by a string, or she’s not holding on
at all.
“We tried our best, but her internal injuries were too severe and…” I tuned
out the rest of what the doctor was saying. Just from the small fragment of a
sentence I knew what he was finally going to say. “I’m sorry, she didn’t make it

8
through. I’m very sorry for your loss.” My bottom lip quivered fervently. The tears
had a mind of their own now. They spilled, more like poured, from my eyes. My
hands found their way to my head so they could hold it up as I leaned down
toward my knees to let the cries come out.
“Dear God, no, no, no…” those were the only words that I managed to say
even though there were so man other sentences in my head that begged to be
spoken.
My father’s arms wrapped around my tense shoulders once more trying to
comfort me only, this time, he didn’t speak any words of reassurance. I’m not sure
when the doctor left, or when he handed some papers for my father to fill out, or
when he took my father to see my mother’s corpse. All I could think about was my
mother, how she was dead and forever gone from my life. Everything else became
a blur to me, the walk out of the hospital to the car, the drive to my mother’s house
so I could get clothes, checking in to a local inn, and then finally lying down on
one of the beds. I stared up at the white ceiling; the blank white ceiling that drifted
me off to nowhere. My father never came into the room to check on me. Only
once did he enter just to leave a sandwich and a cup of tea to “calm my nerves”.
My nerves were fine, though, I was calm and I wasn’t hungry so I just left the
plate and cup on the night stand and continued to gaze up at the ceiling. Unlike the
other times when I would look up at my walls, I didn’t try to make shapes that
weren’t there. I wasn’t bored, like other days, and I wasn’t trying to find
something to entertain myself. All I wanted was to feel numb, to be numbed from
the events that occurred today. I wanted to escape from this day and from the rest
of the days, weeks, months, and years to come. Without my mother, I just didn’t
want to live. I couldn’t picture myself as happy as I was with living with my
father. He’d avoid me, most likely, and consume himself in his work. He’d take
late meetings and work at his office instead of at home to prevent from having to
face my depression. I would have to start a new school in the city I hate. But I do
suppose it wouldn’t be any more different than going to the school I went to
already since I had to make new friends anyway.
My eyes began to sting from not blinking the whole time I contemplated
my life from now on. It took much force for me to close my lids and let the
moisture in my eyes soak them up and get rid of the stinging sensation. My eyes
must have been incredible dry because I need more than just a little bit of moisture
to get them to be fully soaked. That’s when the tears started pouring out once
more. I gripped the covers beneath me to try and hold in the cries that were so
desperately longing to come out from between my lips. The cries of sorrow and
loneliness pained my heart inside my chest. There wasn’t much I could do now. I
had no control of my life, if I did, my mother would still be alive at this very
moment. Perhaps, I did have control while I was in the hospital. Maybe, I could
have saved my mother if I didn’t cry the way I did, if I didn’t doubt and believed
with all my heart that everything would be okay, but my mind didn’t want to agree
with that idea. If I couldn’t believe life would be alright then, why would I believe

9
it now? ‘Don’t you know it’s gonna be alright?’ my thoughts tried to plead with
me. I shook my head unable to accept it as true. No, nothing was going to be
alright, I knew that for a fact so long as I was with my father.
Sunshine suddenly spilled in from the window and streaked my face
causing a shade of red to spill into my closed eyes.
“Rise and shine, Catalina. Breakfast is on the table, come and eat
something.” My father’s voice was unusually upbeat as he came to shake me
awake.
My eyes slowly opened to see the smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
“I’m not hungry.” I groaned turning my back to him. I could hear the deep
frustrated sigh he gave.
“You have to eat sometime, Catalina. Now, get up, take a shower to refresh
yourself, and come and eat. I’m giving you five minutes to get up, alright?” I was
going to say something back to him, but decided to keep it to myself; he’d surely
be displeased with the comment I was going to make.
I merely sighed and nodded my head. With that, he walked out the door
leaving me to get up in a few short minutes. Even thought I desperately wanted to
just stay in bed and not have to greet the new day in my life without my mom, I
decided it would be best to get up that way my father wouldn’t bother me with his
constant nagging.
The water the splashed on my face was surprisingly refreshing. In some
sense, I felt as though it was washing away the events that had only occurred
yesterday. That feeling only lasted until the shower was over. When I began to slip
into my clean clothes, the heart wrenching pain came back again into my system
and I couldn’t handle to keep the calm, sensitive smile on anymore. I knew that we
would have to arrange a funeral, obviously, soon and then call relatives about my
mother’s…death. Argh, I just couldn’t think that word! Even when I thought it, my
throat seemed to close up on me preventing me from breathing for a short while. I
wanted to cry once more, right there inside the bathroom. I managed to finish
getting dressed, fixed my hair, and brushed my teeth before I practically ran into
the bedroom I was sleeping in and cried into my pillow. I knew, even with the
small pillow over my mouth, my father could hear me from the dinning table just
on the other side of the wall. In spite of this knowledge, my cries still came out
louder and louder. There was no way I’d be able to inform the few relatives I knew
that my mother had passed away or arrange a funeral. I was longingly hoping that
my father would take care of it all since he seemed to be dealing with this much
better than I was.
Then, I wondered if he had told my brother already. He must have to him; I
mean it was his mother that died. This lingering question made my crying stop and
made me get up, walk to the dining room where my father was, and sit down with
the untouched breakfast plate in front of me.

10
 “Well, go ahead and dig in. I’m sure you’re hungry.” When he said those
words I realized how much my stomach wrenched from the lack of food and began
to ‘dig in’.
I ate so quickly that the plate was clean in just a few minutes. My father’s
eyes watched me as I picked up the last piece of pancake and shoved it into my
mouth. It was a greatly satisfying breakfast that almost made me forget the reason
I got up from bed. Almost. Pushing the plate away, I folded my hands in my lap
and turned to look at my father who was busy sipping his coffee and writing in his
notepad. His eyebrows furrowed as if he were struggling with a math problem.
“Dad?” I asked aloud. He raised his eye brows at me in a way to let me
know that he was listening. “Have you called Jake yet?” I asked truly curious.
His pen stop scribbling onto the notepad and he finally looked up at me.
“Yes, his plane should be arriving in an hour.” For some reason, it
infuriated me that he didn’t mention this to me.
Why hadn’t he told me that my brother was on his way here? I had a right
to know. Maybe, I could have spoken with Jake earlier and I wouldn’t be having
this breakdown. I wanted to yell at my father. I wanted to scream at the top of my
lungs for not telling me, for not letting me speak to my brother, but I knew that my
anger wasn’t towards him. My anger was for the world. I sighed my frustration out
and then left the table to go back into the room to possibly cry some more or go to
sleep again.
*
For the next two days, I spent most of my time in bed only getting up to
take a shower and grab a small portion of food to quiet my growling stomach. For
the next two days, neither my brother nor my father came in to the room to try and
talk to me. Family members that were just arriving to give their condolences to my
father, brother, and me were especially talkative about the way I looked. When I
would lock myself in the bedroom after the greetings were done, I could hear one
of my aunts asking my father if I was eating. When he told her that he wasn’t sure
because I spent most of my time in the room she replied,
“That isn’t healthy for a sixteen year old girl, you should be more assertive
and make her realize that sulking around won’t do anything to hide the pain.” I
blocked out the rest of the conversation for I had heard it all from the many other
relatives.
The day of the funeral was the worst for me. I don’t think I ever stopped
crying. My father and brother had to force me away from my mother’s grave into
the car. While in the back seat with my brother’s wife, I tried to calm my tears
because I knew they were growing exceedingly tired of my cries. My brother
turned the music on to hide the sniffling coming from me. Stephañia pushed
herself as far away from me as she could. Her head was resting on her hand as her
elbow rested on the edge of the window. Her short blonde hair swept over her eyes
covering her expression from me. I knew that she didn’t like me. I could feel the
vibration of extreme dislike coming off her. I almost felt the same vibration

11
coming off my brother and father. Well I was sorry that I was mourning my
mother’s death because it’s just so awful. I laughed inside from the sarcastic
comment I made that they didn’t hear.
Despicable, that’s what it was. How could they be so calm about this? Did
they not have a heart? I tried not to think about it, and not to cry until my father
dropped me off at the inn. Yes, he merely told me that they were going out to eat
and then gave me the card key so I could go up to the room, alone.
My father, brother, Stephañia, and I left to San Francisco the following day.
My father had only three rooms in his house but it was enough since Jake and
Stephañia slept in the same room.
Jake only stayed in San Francisco because he had a week leave from his
work and wanted to spend time with my father. My friends called me the day we
arrived in San Francisco, but I didn’t answer. I wanted to be completely alone, so I
turned off my phone, shut the window curtains, and locked the door.
I stayed in my room and painted as much as I could. Autumn was no longer
in my pictures. No, now black and white dominated the canvas. I knew I was
bringing depression greatly upon myself, but I didn’t care. I knew I was alone
now. My only two friends were five hundred miles away, my mother was dead,
and my only family left avoided me like a contagious, deadly disease. Maybe I
was contaminated. Maybe I was deteriorating from the inside out.
What did it matter though? I’m sure if they got through my mother’s death
in a calm state, they’d be able to go through mine just as easily. Who cared if I was
dead? Maybe only two people in this whole world would, but they’d get over
quickly.
My mind was filled with negativity that I couldn’t push away. Why was I
even living? I was only taking up space. I would much rather be dead and be
reunited with my mother than stay here and be invisible. But what was I trying to
prove? That I wasn’t invisible or a disease? No, what I was trying to prove is that
death was the only way for me to get rid of all this pain inside. Yes, that was my
point. That was all I wanted right now. “Yes, death.” My mind thought over and
over while a smaller voice inside my head tried to scream some sense into me, but
I didn’t want to hear it.
I knew that in this dreadful city I could easily make my suicide look like an
accident, if I really wanted to, that is. With one last look at the clock that read five
p.m., I grabbed my jacket and headed out the door avoiding the “family” sitting in
the living room.
I could feel the stares of all the people walking around gave me. I hadn’t
looked in a mirror in a few days, so I assumed I must have looked awful. But did I
care? No, I didn’t because I wouldn’t have to deal with those stares for much
longer.
In my mind, I contemplated many ways to end my life. I thought maybe I
could jump in front of a moving truck, but that might not kill me. Next, I thought
about jumping off a building. I could have the few short seconds of euphoria as I

12
fell. But I scratched that one out too because it’d be difficult to find a tall building
where I could get access to the roof easily. As I quickly walked through the streets,
the golden gate bridge came into sight. ‘Yes,’ I thought, ‘that would be perfect.’
All I had to do was walk over to the bridge. There was a pay toll, though.
“Damn.” I spat out shoving my hands into the pockets of my jacket. I felt a
few loose papers and brought them out to dispose of them, but when I got a look at
what it was-dollar bills-, I immediately shoved them back into my pockets and
began walking toward the pay toll of the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge.
It didn’t take me that long to reach the middle of the bridge where it was
clear water straight ahead because I ran the whole way there. People looked at me
funny, but, once more, I didn’t care; I just need to reach the middle of the bridge.
My lungs were filling up with icy air rapidly as my chest cave in and out
with each breath I took. My hands gripped the red railing that was between me and
the open space of air and water. In my head, I planned everything out quickly. I
knew that if I stood, or sat, too long on the railing someone would pull me away
before I even had the chance to fall. What I had to do was jump the railing
immediately that way there would be no way anyone would be able to save me.
I thought about the floating I would experience before I hit the water, and,
then, considered making it a dive. Afterwards, I could let myself suffocate
underneath the water. I have no idea why, but that seemed perfect to me. Fire
would be worse, and falling from a building may not do the trick and only bring
more pain.
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath and then…I jumped. As I fell, I
could hear the screaming and gasps from the spectators, but the wind rushing
through my hair gave me a worry free sensation and I didn’t think of anything
other than being with my mother again.
My arms stretched out in front of me as I was nearing the water. I slipped in
with grace and, then, I let myself float in the water. For the few short moments
when I had enough air in my lungs to stay conscious, I examined the water. I felt
like I was nowhere. There was blue all around that was all I could tell. My eyes
closed and my mother came into my mind. She was happy and beautiful again.
And I-I was going to be with her soon, forever with her again.
My mind let my body become numb to the feeling of having no air, to the
feeling of water seeping in to my lungs as my body desperately longed for some
oxygen. I never once felt pain because I just kept thinking about my mother and
the joyful memories I had with her. I believe I had a smile on my face when my
body finally couldn’t hold on to life anymore. It was a smile that was happy to be
reunited with my mother, a smile that was happy that I wasn’t invisible anymore, a
smile that was happy that there was no more depression, a smile that was happy
that life was over.

13
 Chapter Two: Never Ending
Voices surrounded me again. ‘Was this heaven?’ I thought to myself in a
bit of a daze. I could tell my eyes were still closed because of the blackness that I
was engulfed in. All I could think about was my mother and how much I wanted to
see her. Was that one of the voices I was hearing? Could one of them possibly be
my mother’s? I couldn’t really make out what the voices were saying, so I couldn’t
make out an actual characteristic in them to differentiate one from the other.
There was an abrupt push against my ribs. The weird thing about that was it
hurt. Could you still hurt in heaven? If you could, then that would be total crap.
Something, then, came pouring down my throat and into my lungs. Could it
be more water? Was I still dying? The push against my chest came again thirty
more times, followed by the sensation of something coming into my throat once
more. This was becoming frustrating extremely fast. What kind of trick was this?
Was I in heaven or purgatory? My eyes wanted to open so I could figure out what
my surroundings were, but that’s not what happened first.
First, my throat filled up with water. The water rushed up and out my
mouth spilling out all over my face. Only after that did I open my eyes to look
upon the most beautiful face I’d ever seen, and it wasn’t my mother’s. I must have
stared at him without blinking because he started calling me, not by name though.
“Miss, Can you hear me?” he asked, but I still gazed at his pale white face
surrounded by shining rich midnight black short hair.
His amazingly clear blue eyes mesmerized me into speechlessness. “Miss?”
he asked again.
My mind had so many answers and comments that I wanted to give him.
One of them consisted of something like, “Oh yeah, I can hear you, handsome.”
Another one was, “I must be in heaven because you’re an angel.” Of course they
were all cheesy, but anyone of those would have been better than, “I’m dead,
right?” there was scattered sighs and a few laughs.
The beautiful face before me merely smiled. “No, you’re not dead.”
I felt the ends of my lips pull down in a frown. What?! I wasn’t dead? What
the hell happened then?
“I gave you CPR, and brought you back.” He explained as if reading my
mind, or maybe my furrowed eyebrows gave the question in my head away. “An
ambulance has been called and it’s on its way here.” He kept explaining.
He turned his face to talk to someone else beside him. Only then, when I
was no longer held in his hypnotic gaze, I looked at my surroundings. It seemed
like was lying down in a parking lot. There was a circle of people around me.
From my point of view, all I could see was their confused faces and the thick
clouds behind them.
The beautiful boy looked back at me locking me in his gaze once more.

14
 “What’s your name?” he questioned. I wanted to open my mouth to tell
him, but I choked on my words.
“The ambulance is here.” Someone yelled and sure enough, I heard the
sirens and then the stretcher rolling over to the spot where I lied. They picked me
up and lied me down on the long white stretcher.
“Did you give her CPR?” one of the men asked the beautiful boy. He
nodded and the man padded his shoulders and then came with the rest of the men
as they took me to the ambulance.
Once in the hospital, the doctor asked my name and a number where I could
contact my parents. I really didn’t feel like giving it to the doctor, at first, but I
finally gave in and told him the number. The nurse told me that I had to keep the
oxygen mask on and breathe in profoundly. That was pretty simple, and it made
me a little lightheaded too.
As I sat there taking in my ‘profound’ breaths, I thought about the boy who
saved me. In a way, I wished he hadn’t because I longed for death so badly at that
point. But, now, I wasn’t exactly sure what was running through my head as I
decided to commit suicide. Jeez, I knew life with my dad was going to be horrible,
but driving me to suicide? That was almost comical. I wondered if my dad would
see it that way, or if he’d actually see it as a ‘wake up’ call to actually be a dad to
me. A smirk appeared across my lips and the golden green eyes came into my
mind. He was so dreamy with his high cheek bones, perfectly defined lips, the
smothering crystal blue eyes, and the luscious black hair that fell over his eyes.
Too bad I would most likely never see him again. What a shame.
My father stepped into the room at that moment. The expression on his face
was unreadable. I tried not to pay too much attention on him and concentrated on
taking those “profound” breaths from the oxygen mask. My father closed the door
and stayed there with a look of frustration on his face. It was either frustration
from my suicide attempt, or from the lack of coherent sentences that were rushing
through his mind at that very second.
“The doctor said you tried committing suicide. Is that correct?” I nodded.
“They said that, from the information they gathered from the witnesses, a boy
jumped into the water after you and pulled you to the land and then gave you CPR,
is that correct?” I shrugged and then nodded.
‘CPR, eh? That requires mouth to mouth right?’I thought to myself as my
dad began to talk away. ‘So that was the feeling I was getting in my throat. It was
the air he was breathing into me.’ The thought of having those soft looking lips
upon mine made my mouth water. ‘Why couldn’t I have been conscious while he
did that?’ I frowned at the thought.
“…maybe I have been a bad father to you in the last couple of days, but,
Catalina, you just pushed yourself away from all of us we couldn’t do much to
help you heal from your mother’s death.” I caught the last part of my father’s
confession? I’m not sure exactly what he was talking about but it ended with me
being the problem that caused my father’s negligence.

15
 “Do you understand what I’m trying to say to you?” I nodded again still not
knowing what he was trying to tell me, but I figured nodding would be the easiest
way to get the conversation over and done with. “Alright, the doctor said you can
leave. Let’s go.” I took one last “profound” breath and then set the mask down on
the bed and walked out the door trailing after my father.
My brother and his wife didn’t ignore my presence when I entered the
house this time. No, now they stared at me like I was a crazy girl. Maybe their
stare was justified because of the fact that I tried killing myself. That would pretty
much put me in the same category as serial killers and those who saw the dead. I
was going to go back up into my dark room, but my father stopped me in the
process.
“We need to talk.” He demanded.
I sighed and followed him into the tiny living room. I sat on one couch and
he sat on the other. “Okay, well, this isn’t exactly easy to start off, so I’m just
going to say it.” He took in a deep breath and then began again. “How could you
do something like that?” I opened my mouth to say something, but he just kept on
going. “I can’t believe it. I gave you your space because I believed that would be
better than pushing you to get out of the darkness and live your life, even if your
mother was gone. I know your mother would have been greatly disappointed if it
were she in my place.”
In my mind I thought ‘If you’d have died I wouldn’t have gotten this
depressed.’ It was an ugly thought, but it was the truth. Had it been my father
whom had died instead of my mother, I would have been sad, yes, but having my
mother there to comfort me and promise me that he was in a better place now, I’m
sure I wouldn’t have gotten so depressed and I wouldn’t have tried to commit
suicide.
“You have no clue how disappointed I am.” Like he wasn’t already thinking
that I was disappointment before? Oh, please save me. “I just don’t know what to
say right now.” His eyebrows pulled together now as he began to think of more
ideas and statements to tell me.
At that moment, I felt a little bad about the whole suicide attempt and was
about to say I was sorry when… “If this had gotten out in the press, my career
would be ruined. Who would want a lawyer that has a suicidal daughter? I was
lucky that the doctor agreed not to give out your name.” I could feel the anger rise
within me.
All he was thinking about was his career! He was only thinking about
himself while I still was in extreme depression! My God what was wrong with this
man? I didn’t want to sit through much more of his selfish crap, so I got up,
without even asking to be excused, and stomped to my room slamming the door
behind me.
Just like before, my father never bothered me. He didn’t even come up to
the room to tell me that my brother left; I only knew he did because I heard the
voices down stairs. And then, there were no more voices.

16
 As I had predicted, my father would leave early to his work and come back
as late as possible. This went on for a whole week. I could have gone out and done
drugs, gotten drunk, prostituted myself, or even tried to commit suicide again and
he could have cared less.
I felt so incredibly alone once more. I didn’t bother turning my phone back
on; I didn’t even know where I had put it, but I didn’t care. There were no more
pictures in my head that needed painting; I had lost interest with that too. There
was just so much pain in me that didn’t want to go away.
Why couldn’t I have just died? I wanted to die! Why don’t people respect
the suicidal person who’s so very ready to leave? Why? Why?! Ugh, I couldn’t
stand it anymore. I felt as though I was slowly building up all this anger inside of
me. For the past two and a half weeks, I’ve just been holding everything inside me
and, now, I was about to burst.
I screamed. I screamed so loud and hard my throat began to hurt, and I was
certain that, even with the cars making noise, the people walking right outside the
house could hear my demented yell. My hands grabbed the lamp next to my bed
and crashed it against the wall. I knocked everything off my dresser making sure
to break anything that was glass or fragile.
Next, I went to my closet and tore the clothes off the hangers and threw it
all behind me not caring where they landed. My nostrils were flaring and I could
tell my face was a bright red as I ripped the covers off the bed and kicked the
mattress to the floor. The back of my bed frame had a mirror, so I grabbed one of
the many porcelain dolls from the shelves and crashed it into the small mirror. The
doll broke immediately and only cracked the mirror. I grabbed another doll and did
the same.
And then grabbed another, and another, and another, and yet another. The
mirror hardly broke even though I smashed six porcelain dolls on it. I became so
frustrated and kicked the mirror with a move I learned when I had taken karate in
my younger years. The mirror fell to pieces in just three kicks. This brought a
sinister smile to my face. I was going mad, insane, crazy, and all the other words
that could describe the evil spilling out from my body. I kicked, pushed, smashed,
tore, and destroyed anything in my sight.
When I finally got to my bottles of paint, I ripped off the cap and forced the
paint out of the container to spill all over the walls, floor, and anything that was on
the floor. My three bottles of red paint ended up thrown on the dresser mirror to
drip down to make the mirror seem as though it was bleeding. Only when I
stopped to watch the red paint slide down the mirror did I look at the reflection of
myself. There wasn’t much I could see because the paint only allowed so much of
the mirror to show. I did see the way my eyes looked, though. They were wide and
black staring back at me like a predator. My lips were dry and chapped, and my
arms were covered in various colors of paint. My breaths came sharp and fast
forcing my shoulders to go up and down at a vicious speed. I hated the reflection
in the mirror; I hated the person I was looking at.

17
 “You should be dead.” I said to my reflection through clenched teeth. My
reflection mouthed the words back to me as I spoke. “You should disappear. No
one wants you. You’re invisible and nothing. Go away. Go AWAY!!!” I screamed
at the top of my lungs smashing my fist into the mirror to break the reflection and
free me from myself.
I could not tell if the crimson thick liquid flowing off my hand was red
paint or my own blood, and I could not tell who I was anymore. I was no longer
Catalina Danielson, a girl who was sweet, kind, shy, funny, smart, respectful, or
loving. Now, I was some twisted, demented, suicidal maniac.
My legs gave way and I fell to my knees in tears. What had happened to
me? How did I lose myself so quickly? I just wanted my mother so badly. I wanted
her comforting embrace, and heart warming words spoken in my ear. I wanted to
feel her warmth against me once more. I wanted her to be alive. I was going
through hell here without her.
‘No, you’ve been putting yourself through hell.’ A voice rang in my head
and it spoke the truth. It’s normal to mourn for the death of my mother, but would
I really want her to be acting as I was if the roles were reversed? I knew the
answer was ‘no’, and that there was no justified reason for me to have gone all out
of control as I had.
My room was complete mess, and I knew that my father would, most likely,
get home in a few more hours. If I really wanted to, I could have cleaned the room
up enough so that he didn’t flip out when he saw it. But I was too tired to even get
up from my place on the floor, and I knew he wouldn’t come into my room. If he
hadn’t come into my room for the past week, what would make him come into it
now, right? My mind was too exhausted to try to think about anything else; it
begged for sleep and that’s what I gave it: sleep. I let myself huddle on the floor
with the broken items all around me and slept.
My father’s yelling woke me the next morning when he walked into my
room. It was ironic that the one day it would have been best not to check on me
was the day he decided to see how his “little angel” was doing.
“Daddy?” slipped from my mouth in a childish tone. I’m not really sure
why I fell in to a child like state. All I knew was my eyes became big and round
and I began to protrude my bottom lip.
“Don’t call me that!” he yelled storming out of my room. I sat up
dumbfounded and looked around at the mess I had made.
It was horrible and worse than I had remembered from yesterday. Honestly,
it looked like someone came in to steal and then decided to pour paint all over the
walls and break everything. My mouth was hanging open when my father came
back with two suitcases in his hands.
“W-what’s that for dad?” I question from my place on the floor.
His steps were loud as he walked over the broken items on my floor. He
didn’t even answer my question, but began to pick up the clothes from my floor
and stuffed them into the suitcases. It didn’t take long for him to fill the two small

18
suitcases with my clothes, some of which had paint splattered all over them. He
forced them closed and then walked out the bed room door with them and down
the stairs.
I followed still wondering what he was doing.
“Dad!” I yelled out at the top of the stair case. He jerked around to look at
me with fierce eyes. “What are you doing?” I questioned choking on the last
fragment of my sentence as I began to feel the tears sting in my tired eyes.
“You’re leaving.” My mouth could have dropped open and my eyes bulge
out like the characters in the cartoons, but that didn’t happen. Instead, the tears
rolled down my cheeks from my stunned eyes.
“What do you mean? Where am I going?” I asked walking down the stairs
carefully hanging on to the railing for balance.
“I’m tired of this. You’re going with your aunt Claudia.” My eyebrows
came together in confusion.
“Who? But I can’t just go; she has to know also. I mean what if she can’t
have me there?” I questioned reaching the living room as my father scrambled
through his brief case for something.
“She’s your grandmother’s step brother’s niece and I already talked to her
yesterday.” He pulled out a check and handed it to me.
As I went to grab it I asked, “So you were already going to kick me out
even before you saw the room?”
“Yes.” He spat out forcing the check into my hand. “That’s what your
mother left you. It’s the life insurance that was only for you.” I stared at the check
in my hand and then looked up at him still shocked at the fact that he was making
me move with someone I didn’t even know.
He laid my luggage next to me and then dug into his pockets. “Here,” he
said handing me money. “Catch a cab to the airport. Buy a ticket to Portland.
Claudia will be there to pick you up and take you to Portland.” I looked at the
money in my hand. He had given me 400 dollars in fifties. He was so desperate to
get rid of me that he would just give me 400 dollars in cash!
“Wait, Portland?” I questioned.
“Maine.” My eyes wondered the room.
“How will I contact my so-called aunt and how will I know who she is?” I
probed trying to find some flaw in his plan. He handed me my cell phone, the one
I hadn’t seen in days, my wallet, another item I hadn’t seen, and a piece of folded
paper.
“The number is on the paper. Call her. You’ll be able to keep in contact with
her when she shows up at the airport that way.” My jaw tightened. So this was it?
What a father he was. “I’ll call a cab for you.” He left the living room in search of
the house phone and I still stood there with the insurance check, 400 dollars, my
cell phone, and the folded paper trying to sort through everything that had just
happened in the last few minutes and in the last few weeks!

19
 First, my best friends move away, my mother dies, I slip into depression
and commit suicide- well, tried to at least- I have a nervous break down, and now
my father is sending me to live with a aunt that I’ve never even heard of, let alone
met, before just to get me away from him.
It was only a few minutes later when the cab showed up and my father
hurried me out the door and shoved me and my luggage into the cab and, then,
hurrying back inside without another look back at me.
It was dark by the time the airplane took off from San Francisco. I was
lucky enough to have a seat alone so I wouldn’t be bothered by any one else or
have to make conversation. Most of the people around me were oblivious to my
presence, but I guess that is how it is in all planes.
“Would you like anything miss?” I pulled my eyes away from the window
to shake my head at the flight attendant. She nodded and left to ask the same
question to the next person.
The voices around me faded as I concentrated on the black abyss out side
the small window. Of course, I could hardly see the stars to make small shapes out
of; there was only black and the gray of the clouds. There was no other way to
describe the sky other than gloomy, which reflected perfectly the way I felt. I
could find no happiness since my mother died and I seriously doubted that moving
to Maine was going to be any better.
Could my unhappiness in this life really be never ending now?
I decided to just call my “aunt” right when I got off the plane. Once in the
building, I found a place where I could sit and unfolded the piece of paper. My
phone was flipped open waiting for me to start pressing the ten digit number, but I
could only stare at the number hand written on the paper. I gave out a sigh, closed
my phone, and shoved it into my pocket where I was before. There’s a phrase,
which, I believe, many people have recited in some way that fits perfectly to the
way I felt at that very moment: “Have you ever felt completely alone in a room
full of people?” No one knows who said it first or what language it was originally
said in, but we do know exactly how it feels like.
The building was filled with people wrapped up in their heavy jackets to
protect them from the cold right outside the warm building, but I felt alone with no
one to talk about my feelings with. When my mother was alive, I would always
talk with her when I felt troubled. It felt good to finally get the stress or pain off
my chest. Ever since her death, there was no one I felt comfortable enough with to
talk about my troubles. My elbows rested on my knees as I leaned forward and
cupped my chin in my hands pondering on what I should do next.
My options were: 1) Cash the insurance check and buy a ticket to a place
where I knew my relatives, 2) Stay here in Portland and try to get an apartment
and live on my own, or 3) Call my aunt to go live with her. I’ve got to say that the
second option interested me most, but knowing that I was the kind of person who
should never by themselves (I could be extremely airheaded at times) I knew that I
had to pick the third option.

20
 I retrieved my phone from my pocket and flipped it open once more and
began to press the numbers. It took me a few minutes to convince myself that I
had to push the send button, but when I finally did I had to then try with all my
might not to end the call.
“Hello?” an unfamiliar voice answered.
“Yes, am I speaking with Claudia Colin?” I asked in as smooth of a voice
that I could conjure up.
“Yes this is her?” I could here the anticipation her voice as she waited for
me to tell her that I was the niece she was waiting for.
“I’m Catalina Danielson; my father told me that he spoke to you about me
staying with you.”
“Oh yes! Are you in Portland?” she asked with great excitement in her
voice that made me guess her age to be around mid and late twenties.
“Yes, I suppose I should have called before my plane took off to inform you
around what time I would arrive here so you wouldn’t have to stop your schedule
to come and pick me up. Please forgive me, I wasn’t thinking at the moment.” It
seems like I picked up on good thing from my father and that was the formal
speech.
“Oh no, no, no, don’t worry. I am not busy at all. It’ll take a bit to get there
though. Is that alright?” she questioned worried that I’d reject her now because
she’d be her later.
“It’s quite fine. I shall find something to entertain myself with.” After all, I
did have a bank account – there had to be an ATM somewhere in here – and an
insurance check to deposit; I could go eat or find something else.
“Alright then, I’ll be there as soon as I can, hang tight Catalina. Bye.”
“Goodbye.” I shut the phone and then changed my focus to the many stores
around me. I settled on going to a book store there and reading until she got there.
“…So when he told me that he wanted you to come live with me I was like
‘What? That’s crazy.’ I’ve heard a lot about you, y’know? Ya, you and you’re
mother were usually the main subject that your grandmother, my aunt, would talk
about. Of course, it’s your father’s mother, but she was always so fond of your
mother. It’s so sad that she died. I still can’t believe it. I wish I could have met her.
I’ve seen pictures of her and let me tell you, you look so much like her! I’m so
glad you do, ‘cause looking like your father would be awful! He’s so pale and very
mean looking, but you have wonderful bronze skin and beautiful soft features. Ah
you are just so cute…”
Since I had gotten in the car, she had been talking like this as if she were a
teenager herself. Here I was thinking that there’d be an awkward silence all the
way to Portland, but, boy was I wrong. She just kept going on and on and on, it
was pointless talk really. She was changing subjects like if we didn’t cover
everything that was rushing through her mind we’d die. “Whoa, I think I should
turn down the heater, it’s getting pretty hot in here.” She brushed her long blonde
hair to her left shoulder and then set the heater to a much less intense temperature.

21
“So how have you been holding up since your mother died? Your father told me
that he’s been trying to help you with the pain,”
‘Yeah, right, helping me.’ I thought rolling my eyes, “but he knew that he’d
be way to busy too give you the attention you deserved, so that’s why he sent you
here with me.” I sighed and turned to face her.
“Well, I guess I’ve been okay, I only tried to kill myself once by jumping
off the Golden Gate Bridge, and I had a nervous break down just yesterday where
I broke everything in my room and smashed my fist into my mirror.” I smiled as if
I had said nothing wrong. Her face turned grim with uneasiness. I don’t blame her
really; I would feel uneasy if I was with someone who had attempted suicide.
“Well, dear lord, that is awful. Why didn’t you talk with your father my
dear? It's not good to keep your emotions held in like that. I once saw this episode
of the Dr. Phil show that was about this girl that was really depressed. I mean you
could totally tell she was just from the previews. Anyway, it turns out that because
of her depression she turned to drugs. Oh god it was awful. I mean why drugs?
Really they may make you feel good for just a moment, but then it’s gone. Young
kids these days don’t know what they’re doing. Back in my day, which wasn’t too
long ago, don’t think I’m old or anything ha ha. Well, yes, where was I? Oh
yes…” Her lips just kept moving with her words spilling out of them like a she
was some kind of a talk show host that made their living on, well, talking. I only
paid half attention to what she was saying; the other half was focused on the pitch
black of the sky.
Unlike the plane, there were brilliant stars scattered everywhere and a moon
could clearly be seen. Tonight I would be sleeping in a foreign state, city, house,
and bed. I’d be living with someone I knew nothing about. What if she was a
murder that just never got caught? Or what if she was someone who was very
abusive? Did my father really know this woman at all? From what Claudia told
me, this was the first time she had spoken to my father since she was 9! Could he
really careless about what happened to me now? If I could barely stand the few
hours I have to spend in the car with her, how am I going to stand the next year
and a half before I graduate and move out? All I knew is that this was going to be
the worst year imaginable.
The two story Victorian style house was out by itself next to a cliff where
you could easily hear and see the waves crash up against the rocks. It was hard to
believe that someone could live in a house like this all by themselves and not be
frightened.
“Come on, now, dear. Let’s get inside away from the chill.” Claudia
suggested grabbing my baggage as she began to walk towards the front door.
I stayed outside to look at the shining water just a little ways from where I
was standing. The moon’s light glistened in the rolling waves as they crashed
amongst the rocks. The ocean its self seemed to be uneasy. The way the waves
crashed one after another as if they were trying to run away from the trouble to
come.

22
 “Catalina, dear, hurry inside!” Claudia called after me. With one last look at
the ocean, I turned away and walked into my new life.
When I woke up the next morning, I realized that I would have to ask
Claudia for a ride to school since I didn’t have a car. The thought of having to sit
through another one of her pointless talks right before my first day in hell school
made my stomach churn.
“Are you ready for your first day of school?” Claudia asked excitedly as I
walked into the kitchen and stood before the dining table.
“Not really.” I replied sighing. “Aw, well don’t worry. Actually, today we
are just going to register you. You’ll only have to really go through two classes
today. I would have registered you earlier, but I didn’t know all of your
information. And your father called me so suddenly, so I couldn’t have possibly
had enough time to do all this before today. At least you benefit, somewhat, from
this, though, ‘cause you don’t have to go through a whole day of school. Yay,
right?” I raised my eyebrow at her wondering why the fact that I’m registering for
school at all is a good thing. If I had the choice, I’d drop out right now and go live
in Canada or something, anywhere but here where I wouldn’t have to listen to her
talk every second. “Here, now hurry and eat your breakfast so we can head off!”
She gave me a plate full of eggs, bacon, and toast. Even though my stomach
was completely empty, the food made me get nauseous resulting in me making up
a lie to get out off eating. “I’m Vegan, and I’m allergic to bread.” Claudia’s bright
smile turned into a disappointed frown that didn’t reach her bright eyes.
“Oh, my, I’m deeply sorry, Catalina. I didn’t know you – well never mind
that. We’ll see what we can get you on the way over there.” She smiled once more
picking up the plate and setting it on the counter. She left out the door and I
followed suit in mere seconds.
The school was relatively large with three stories and many students finding
their spots to wait before the school bell rang. I tried to walk in a way where I
wouldn’t get noticed, but it seemed like everyone at this school knew everyone so
they knew right away that I was new, fresh meat, so they stared until I was out of
their view.
Meanwhile, Claudia kept talking away about her time in high school and
how she was best friends with the principle of the school, and so on and so on.
Everything that came out of her mouth had no importance in my mind and went in
one ear and out the other.
“Stacy!” Claudia called out to a lady once we were in the main office.
“Claudia, hello, what can I do for you?” Stacy inquired walking closer to
Claudia and me.
“Well, I’m here to enroll my niece here.” Claudia wrapped her left arm
around my shoulders and gave me a little enthusiastic shake. I merely faked a
smile and then pushed myself away from her grasp as soon as I could.
“Oh, alright, step into my office so I can start getting all the paper work for
you.” Stacy said motioning to the little door to the right. Now, Claudia had this

23
special talent of talking while she filled out as much of the information as she
could.
“Here, you fill out the rest.” She handed me the papers and then left the
office to go chit chat with the rest of the office attendants. I tried to write as slowly
as possible to avoid having to go to classes early before I just stopped writing all
together. Claudia didn’t even come to check on me in the office, but just kept
talking away.
I reached into my pocket to retrieve my cell phone. Might as well call my
father to let him know that I was all right and not dead, I’m sure that would truly
disappoint him. He picked up on the second ring.
“Hi dad.” I said in a soft voice. I could hear how he regretted picking up the
phone by the way he sighed into the phone.
“What do you want, Catalina?” He questioned with a great disturbance in
his voice.
“Well, I just wanted to let you know that I’m alright. The plane landed
safely and I arrived with Aunt Claudia all in one piece. I’m registering for school
right now.” There was a silence that followed that made me a bit anxious so I kept
talking. “Yeah, I might not start school today but definitely tomorrow.” I chuckled
nervously; the silence was killing me.
“That’s great. I got to go. Bye.”
“Love you.” I said, but it was too late; he had already hung up.
I felt the tears sting in my eyes as I dropped my phone on my lap. I guess I
did mean that little to him now. Before my mother died, it was on rare occasion
when I would cry; but now that she died, it seems as though I cry whenever I get
the chance.
No one could see the tears running down my cheeks; all that was visible
was the back of my head. No sound came from my mouth as the tears slid in so I
could taste the saltiness.
Meanwhile, Claudia made sure to have a conversation with everyone who
was and came in to the office. I merely stared down at my lap letting my tear drops
splash against my bronze skin and bit my bottom lip in attempt to force the cries
that were trying to come out to stay silent. One slipped, though, even though I was
biting my lip hard enough that my nerves began to tell me that the action was
hurting me. I thought no one caught the cry that escaped my mouth; it would have
been embarrassing if I was caught sobbing in the high school office.
“Excuse me, Miss?” I sucked in air quickly when I heard this smooth voice
from behind me. “I’m sorry if I’m being meddlesome by asking, but are you
alright?” I tried to quickly, and inconspicuously, wipe the tears from my eyes
before I turned to the boy behind me.
“I’m… fine.” The last word slipped off my tongue in confusion as I saw
who it was standing there.

24
 There stood the boy with the same beautiful black hair that surrounded the
same beautiful pale white face with those impossibly clear blue eyes from San
Francisco. He stared back at me with confusion and astonishment.
There we were with me sitting down on the chair with my body turned and
my head craned up to face him and him standing by the wall with his hands in his
pockets staring back at me. Nothing was being said between us. I think we were
both trying to figure out how we could possibly be seeing each other once again
after one day in San Francisco on the other side of the country.
There was a distant voice calling my name, but I tried my best to ignore it
by staring into the sapphire eyes in front of me. I began to bite my lip once more
nervously as we sat, and stood, there in silence. It took about a minute for me to
realize that it was Claudia’s voice calling me from the outer office. I blinked away
from the boys stare and stretched my neck to try and find Claudia.
“Yes?” I answered back finally finding her.
“Have you finished that paper work?” she questioned.
‘Crap.’ I thought since I had procrastinated and had yet to finish the
remaining three pages or so.
“Uhm, I have like three pages to go actually.” I replied taking a quick
glance to the boy still standing by the wall still staring at me with a frustrated look.
I wasn’t sure if he was trying to figure out how I could possibly be here or
maybe he was thinking that I’d be awed by his act of saving my life and I would,
then, take it the wrong way and gain a romantic interest in him.
The last idea bothered me a bit. If that had, in fact, been why he has such a
concerned look on his face, then was he thinking that I so unworthy of him? Or
maybe he just didn’t want to get involved with a suicidal girl.
My eyes looked up once more to see him, but he had left with out my
noticing. Claudia came into the office taking the boy’s place.
“Well, hurry and finish, sweetie, so we can get to pick your classes.” I
nodded and then turned my body around to finish the paperwork.
I’ve got to say it was pretty hard to concentrate on the classes when my
mind was filled with a plethora of thoughts. Could I be going to same school as
the boy who saved my life? That look on his face, was it there because he didn’t
want me to get too involved with him? But if it wasn’t because of that, then could
I have a chance with the boy who saved me? Life suddenly got exceedingly more
interesting.

25
 Chapter Three: Dazed and
Dazzled
My aunt decided to pick most of my classes. Well, in a way she had to
because my mind was completely lost in thoughts of the boy. The funny thing was
that I didn’t even know his name. Of course he must have heard Claudia calling
me so at least he knew my name.
I didn’t try to sleep that night; thoughts of going to school the next day and
seeing the handsome boy was enough to keep me up. I must have slipped into
sleep at some point because, before I knew it, light began to spill in from the
window.
Waking up didn’t take long, and neither did getting ready. For the first time,
in many days, I decided to pin up my long wavy hair to the side, put make up on,
and slip into a pair of black jeans and the nicest top I had. When I came down the
stairs to meet Claudia in the dining room, she almost spit out the coffee she was
drinking. The smile I wore turned into a frown as I took her reaction negatively.
‘Do I look that awful?’ I thought and was about to run up the stairs when Claudia
spoke.
“My, my you look wonderful!” I gave her a shy smile and then walked
down the rest of the stairs as gracefully as I could. I had a bowl of cereal in front
of me as I sat down. When I took in the spoon full, the milk tasted funny. My face
wrinkled in reaction. “Oh, I was sure I put in soy milk instead of regular cow
milk.” Claudia sang out apologetically.
“Soy milk?” I questioned.
“Your vegan so of course you wouldn’t drink regular milk, right?” I
suddenly remembered the little lie I said yesterday. Well, I screwed myself over
with that lie.
“Right, thank you Claudia.” I ate the rest of the cereal anyway. All the
hunger I was trying to put off before suddenly caught up with me at that moment.
I finished quickly, still very hungry, went to fetch my backpack, wallet, cell
phone, and then brushed my teeth quickly. “Alright Claudia, I’m ready to go.” I
sang out putting my backpack on. Claudia was setting her coffee cup in the sink
when she turned around to see me.
“Wow, you sure are brilliant today? What ever could have changed you
mood?” she probed, but I merely smiled and shrugged. Claudia shook her head
playfully before speaking again. “Well, I’m not taking you to school today,
sweetie. You do have a driver’s license, right?” I wondered if she was letting me
drive her car. I’ve got to say that it was a fairly nice car. Whatever her job was, it
must have been paying her a good sum of money.
“Yes, I have one.” Good thing my mother had pushed me to do so. The
thought of my mother made my heart skip a beat with grief.

26
 “Good, I was sure you would have one for some reason.” Claudia began. “I
am letting you have my other car.” My eyes bulged out.
“What?” she waved off my question with a swift motion of her hand.
“I do expect you to at least pay the insurance. I hope you don’t mind getting
a job. I just didn’t want you to become a spoiled brat in my presence.” I began to
stammer an incoherent sentence until I could finally get the right words out of my
mouth.
“Oh of course I’ll pay. Wow, I can’t believe it. Thank you, thank you so
much, Claudia!” I was so excited that I gave Claudia the most sincere hug I had
given anyone since my mother’s death.
After releasing her, Claudia reached into the pocket of her jacket a pulled
out a set of keys.
“Here, the house key is on there too. I hope you do like the car, it is
outside.” She motioned toward the front door. It didn’t take me long to get out the
door and spot the red car parked right behind Claudia’s black Lexus.
“A Corvette?” I squealed in astonishment. Claudia was right by my side
now. “You’re letting me have your Corvette?” I asked with my mouth hanging
down in astonishment. She lifted her shoulders up and down casually.
“Sure, why not? Now, you should hurry to school.” She walked with me as
I went to the car still wondering if I had really just received the car of my dreams.
“There, I put the school address there already so it should tell you which way to
go.” She announced after pushing a few buttons on the GPS system inside the car.
“Thank you, I can’t say it enough to truly show you how grateful I am.”
Claudia smiled widely.
“Don’t mention it, sweetie. You need a car to get around. Now to school
young lady.” She closed the car door and then stood back. The engine started
smoothly. “Have a good day at school!” Claudia waved off as I began my way to
school.
Once again, all eyes were on me as I got out of the Corvette. I began to feel
my nerves kick in as I began walking to my first class of the day. The only
problem was that I had no clue where that class was. There I stood, at the start of
the school wondering where I should go, or if I should ask for help from one of the
many students staring at me as they passed by. My eyes moved from that piece of
paper containing my schedule that I held in my hands to the building up ahead.
The first bell had rung and I still had not even gone in search of where my
class could possibly be. I began to bite my lip nervously as I watched all the other
students head to their classes easily. If I was trying to blend in, this was definitely
not the way to do it.
“Lost?” A voice from behind me questioned. I turned almost expecting to
find the beautiful boy from San Francisco. To my disappointment, it wasn’t him;
instead, there stood a boy only a little taller than myself with spiked red hair,
white, but not pale, skin and dark blue eyes. I smiled shyly and nodded.

27
 “Yeah, could you tell?” I tried to laugh. The boy smiled, which made his
eyes squint a bit.
“Oh yeah, here, let me see which class you have.” I handed him my
schedule. “I’m Abe Beckham by the way. No relation to the soccer player, so don’t
ask.” He chuckled.
“I’m guessing you’ve been asked that many times before.” I stated smiling
easily now instead of nervously. He nodded still looking at my schedule. “I’m
Catalina Danielson.” He looked up at me then.
“Catalina, eh? That’s a very nice name.” he gave me a one sided smile and
then handed my schedule back to me. “You have your first class with me. We
should hurry before we’re late.” He announced holding out his arm towards the
direction of the building.
“Alright.” I began to walk with Abe right by my side. “You know, you’re
the first person to actually talk to me and not walk by and just stare.” I chuckled
putting my hair behind my hair.
“Really? Well, Welcome to Portland High.”
We reached our Chemistry class right when the second bell rang. “Mr.
Hampton, this is Catalina Danielson, she’s a new student here.” Abe introduced
me to the teacher who was, I’d say, in his mid-thirties and growing gray hair like
there was no tomorrow.
“Hello, Catalina. Let me have all your attention.” Mr. Hampton yelled from
his desk. It took just a little while before everyone was quiet and their eyes where
on me. I should get use to having everyone stare at me. “Now, why don’t you go
introduce your self.” My eyes bulged out at Mr. Hampton. He couldn’t be serious,
could he? Did he really want me to stand up in front of the class and introduce
myself? I couldn’t even introduce myself to him! “Go on, meanwhile I’ll find a
seat for you and sign your schedule.” I wanted to speak to refuse, but I found
myself being pushed to the front of the class by Abe. He walked to his own seat
and gave me a thumbs up. I felt stiff as I stood in front to the class.
“Uh…” I started to say with my eyes searching the student’s faces before
they stopped on one student. It was the incredibly handsome boy who saved my
life. ‘Oh God he does go to this school!’ I thought, finding myself pulling the ends
of my lips up in a smile.
Someone coughing averted my eyes away from the boy.
“Oh, well I’m Catalina Danielson.” I stopped and looked at Mr. Hampton
questioning him with my eyes if that was enough of an introduction.
“And where did you move from?” I guess it wasn’t.
“I moved from San Francisco.” I answered his question quickly trying to
end the introductions that way I could sit down.
“Who did you move with?” I almost sighed in irritation, but settled with
glaring at the teacher.
“I didn’t move with anyone. I moved here alone and I live with my aunt.
My father is a lawyer so he disowned me easily because I tried committing suicide

28
after my mother’s death. Good enough?” I had no clue how the last sentence came
out from my mouth, but it got the job done; Mr. Hampton stared at me bewildered
and told me to sit down next to a boy named Aiden.
“Aiden please raise your hand. Aiden? Aiden!?!” The handsome boy
seemed to raise his hand almost unwillingly. Wait, I was sitting next to him!?!
‘Wow, this day isn’t turning out that bad.’ I thought as I walked over to the seat
next to him. Most of the girls I passed seemed to give me an irritated look. I hadn’t
been in the class for more than five minutes and already I made a bad impression.
I suppose it’s normal, though, I wouldn’t have thought that mentioning my failed
suicide would have brought a good impression on anyone.
“Now, yesterday I began to talk to you about electrons…” Mr. Hampton
began his lesson just as I began to sit down.
My nerves were set off once I situated myself next to Aiden, and this
caused my hands to get sweaty.
“That’s an interesting way to introduce your self.” His voice startled me and
it took a few seconds for my mind to focus on what he had said instead of focusing
on his handsome face.
“Oh, right, that whole ordeal. Well, I’m not exactly sure how those words
left my lips to tell you the truth.” I kept my voice down as to not disturb the
incredible lecture about electrons and their positions around the nucleus all of
which I had learned already at my previous school. Aiden smiled and then held out
his hand.
“Aiden Lexington.” My eyes shifted from his face to his hand before me
waiting for mine; I gladly held out my own hand to his.
“Catalina Danielson, as you heard me say up there.” A small laugh left my
mouth. He gave me another wonderful smile and firmly shook my hand.
“Well, I’ll let you pay attention to this lecture then.” His gaze moved away
from me and back to the front of the classroom.
“Actually,” I began, desperately wanting to keep our conversation from
ending. “I learned all of this at my old school, so I don’t really need to listen to
this.” My lips formed a sly smile. His dark eyebrow raised in reaction to my smile.
“I see. Well, Mr. Hampton is very good at boring the students to death with
his lectures, but it’d be far too quiet for us to actually converse. How about we talk
during break? I’ll meet you in the parking lot, is that alright?” I’m sure my eyes lit
up automatically with the thought of spending more time with Aiden.
“Yeah, of course.” I spent the remainder of the class trying to focus on the
lecture, unsuccessfully, until the bell rang announcing the end of class, finally.
I turned to face Aiden right as everyone began to pack their things to leave
the class.
“That wasn’t so bad was it?” Aiden had a smile on his face.
“No, but I didn’t exactly pay attention either.” I laughed. His eyes were the
most smoldering golden green color I had ever seen. I couldn’t focus on anything
other than his eyes, that is, until he began talking.

29
 “I should get going to my next class. Maybe I’ll see you around?” I nodded
excitedly.
“Sure!” he left the classroom gracefully, while I merely stared at him.
“I see you’ve met Aiden.” Abe’s voice came from behind me and it didn’t
sound too pleased. I stood and turned to him.
“Yes, he is very nice.” Abe didn’t seemed too happy with my comment
either.
“He usually isn’t like this with anyone. I’m surprised he even introduced
himself.” Abe said all this with a sort of sneer.
“Come on, Abe, we’ll be late to our next class.” His lips formed a smile.
“Yeah, let’s see what class you have.” He took my schedule once more as
we began to walk out of the class. “Wow! You have choir? You must be a good
singer!”
“What?!” I yanked the schedule from his hands. When I got the darn
schedule I never really looked at it. Why didn’t I pay more attention to what
Claudia was signing me up for? “Oh, no Claudia, why?” I whined giving the paper
back to Abe.
“I’m guessing you didn’t choose that class?” I shook my head in response.
“Can you just tell me where that class is so I can get it over with?” He
laughed grabbing my arm to make me follow him.
“I’ll just show you.”
“Mrs. Rhodes, this is Catalina Danielson.” Abe introduced me once more.
The class room was fairly big and had many students talking eagerly about their
weekend.
“Nice to meet you, Catalina. Why don’t you go ahead and have a seat.”
Mrs. Rhodes suggested returning to the piece of music she had been organizing
into neat stacks. Trying to avoid having to socialize with the rest of the students, I
turned to Abe, who was most likely late to his next class.
“You’re late, aren’t you?” I stated more than questioned.
“Yeah, but I’ll be alright. I’ll see you later, then?” His eyes squinted with
the wide smile his lips formed.
“Of course.” Abe left the classroom and I stood by to the side of the
classroom too nervous to sit down by the students. They all seemed so familiar
with each other, so much where I could not just come and interject in their
conversations. My eyes darted back and forth from one side of the class room to
the other; their voices then all began to blend into one another until my ears
drowned out all the noise and all that could be heard was my fast breathing and the
accelerating pounding of my heart. Sweat beads dripped slowly from my forehead
and accumulated in my fists. The nausea began to build so much that I needed to
leave the classroom right at that moment, so with that thought I turned on my heel
to leave.
“Going somewhere?” a boy stood between the exit of the classroom and
me. He was just as picturesque as Aiden except this boy had short red hair and the

30
clearest blue eyes. I stood there a bit stunned by his beauty. “Are you alright?”
“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine.” My nausea was actually increasing as I breathed
in the amazing cinnamon scent coming off the boy.
“What are you doing still standing here? Why don’t you go sit down?” I
furrowed my eyebrows trying to conjure the perfect answer so I didn’t sound like a
complete fool. “Are you intimidated by all the girls and guys?” he questioned me
curiously.
“Uhm…” I began to say before Mrs. Rhodes decided to start the class at
that very moment.
“Okay class, we’re going to start off with our warm ups, so let’s stop all
conversations and get ready.” She was about to start the warm ups, I believe, but
then suddenly realized that I was still standing stupidly at the far side of the
classroom. “Oh, Catalina, are you an Alto or Soprano?” it was fairly accurate to
say that I had no idea what it was that she was asking me. When she said Soprano
I immediately thought of the HBO show series.
“Excuse me? I don’t understand?” I said softly knowing that I had most
likely just made a fool of myself.
“Have you ever taken choir at all before?” she inquired raising her thin
black eyebrow to me. Reluctantly, I shook my head to answer her question.
“Why are you in Advanced Choir then?” What?! Claudia signed me up for
not just choir, but Advanced choir!
The expression on my face must have been sour and looked incredibly
foolish because the boy that still stood next to me chuckled underneath his breath.
“Mrs. Rhodes, how about we start her off in alto.” My eyes shifted to the
boy after he spoke.
“That sounds like a great idea Kole. Catalina.” I looked up to meet the
teacher’s eyes; they didn’t look at me too friendly, she was more annoyed with me
I’d say. “Why don’t you go sit next to Kole?” I nodded and followed the boy,
whose name I know now to be Kole, to a small group with three empty chairs. I
sat down uncomfortably between Kole and a blonde with a fake orange tan. Mrs.
Rhodes then began to talk to the class about some piece of music that they were
singing, or were about to sing. To tell the truth, I had no real intention of actually
staying in this class. The first chance I got, I’d go to the main office and beg them
to change my class.
“So, do you sing well?” Kole’s voice brought me out of my future plans for
the class.
“Uh, I really don’t know. I don’t sing very often.” His dark sapphire like
eyes burned my sight with the brilliance coming off them. There was no possible
way for me to look away from them. It would be like turning away from a god and
damning yourself to hell.
“Then why are you in this class?” He whispered softly blowing the fresh
smell of mint across my face.

31
 “My aunt signed me up actually.” I admitted looking away from his
beautiful eyes.
“I bet that sucks.” He chuckled.
“Yes, it does.” I laughed.
“I’m Kole Callaghan by the way.”
“It’s nice to meet you Kole.”
“The pleasure is all mine, believe me.” I was about to say something else,
but then the singing began making me lose my opportunity to talk anymore with
Kole.
Ecstatic is one way to describe the way I felt when the choir class ended.
My mind was just so incredibly lost throughout the period that I was more than
happy when the bell rang and all the singing stopped. Kole was an amazing singer,
though, and that was probably the only thing that made the forty-eight minutes of
class bearable.
“Well, you weren’t kidding when you said you didn’t sing.” Kole chuckled
as he zipped up his backpack and straightened himself.
“No, I wasn’t. I can’t read music.” I shrugged pulling on my own backpack.
“We’ll have to work on that then. I’ll see you around, then?” I nodded and
smiled as he turned to leave the class room. I stared amazed by the way he could
walk so gracefully it looked like he was gliding across the floor instead of taking
steps. Abe then showed up at the door motioning me to him with a wave of his
hand. I gave a small grin and walked the few steps to the end of the class room.
“How was class?” he questioned me as we walked my English class. I gave
him a playful sneer. “That bad?” I merely nodded. “Cheer up; you only have one
more class and then its break. You’ll have a good ten minutes out of class.” My
lips formed a frown. Was that really how much time I would have with Aiden? I
thought. It was such a little time.
“So, I’ll see you at break?” Abe’s question took me by surprise, which
made me stop in mid step.
“Huh?” the expression on his face turned grim with my response, or lack of
one.
“Were you planning on being with someone else during break?” he changed
the question possibly to get a clearer answer. I automatically felt awful for what I
was about to tell him.
“Yes, well, Aiden had asked me to see him at break.” My eyes didn’t have
to look toward him to see the disappointment on his face; I could just feel it and it
made my stomach churn. “I’m sorry. How about I go with you to lunch?” I
immediately tried to cheer Abe up.
“Yeah sure.” His smile was contagious; there was no way you couldn’t
smile along with him.
“So, this is where you go in then.” He said stopping in front of a room
numbered twenty three.

32
 “What class do you have to go to now?” I asked leaning up against the
lockers behind me. The handle of the locker was actually pushing into my back
which caused a small pain, but I didn’t move for the sake of trying to be graceful,
something I lacked points in.
“I actually have pre-calculus right now.” He declared somewhat afraid to
show any actual interest in the math class. Was it that bad to announce that you
were good in a certain subject such as math? I supposed it was since high school
girls tend to look down on the boys with intelligence, or, so, I thought.
“Wow, are you that advanced in math?” he immediately smiled and nodded.
“Why? Do you suck that bad?” I chuckled at his statement and merely
nodded. “Perhaps I can tutor you some time then?” A hint of flirtation seemed to
wave off that suggestion.
“Sure.” I smirked back. I couldn’t lie, Abe was an attractive boy, but he
didn’t seem to compare with Aiden or Kole—what made them seem so god like?
“You should get going before you’re late.” I suggested to Abe as I finally
leaned forward and took the pressure of the locker handle off my back. Trying to
hide my inelegance and be gracefully sure was painful.
“Yes, I suppose I should. See you at lunch then. Bye!” unexpectedly, his
arms wrapped around me in, what I think was meant to be, a friendly hug.
Stupidly, I just stood there dumbfounded by the act; I hadn’t actually been hugged
casually like that since…since my mother…
“Bye.” The word left my lips softly and Abe walked off to my left where he
disappeared from my eye sight.
“Can I help you?” the teacher automatically asked as I stepped through the
squeaky door. This time I didn’t have anyone to speak for me, and my mouth
suddenly felt dry and empty of any words, so I handed her piece of paper showing
my schedule—I was sure she’d be able to figure out that I was a new student. She
grabbed the paper and took a glance at it before she signed off her name on there.
“Catalina, there is a few empty seats, choose one and sit down.” She, Ms.
Guevara, didn’t even look away from the computer as she imputed something in
there.
There were three seats available. The first was at the very front of the third
row to the right. Next to that seat was a Hispanic looking boy with greasy looking
hair and yet another blonde girl-she looked like a cheerleader to me. I decided
against that seat. The second seat was located at the far back right smack in the
middle of some skater boys- they seemed like trouble. The last and final seat was
located at the left corner of the class room with a brunette girl with an
unbelievable beautiful face right in front of the seat and a dark haired boy to the
right of the seat-he seemed like that kind of boy whom kept to himself. I chose
that seat.
I walked down the row timidly. To everyone else around, I seemed like
something new to talk about, the latest gossip, so to say. But to the girl that sat in
front of the new seat I chose, she seemed oblivious to my presence. Her heart

33
shaped face, surrounded by silky, long, rich brown hair, had a pale complexion but
it was more luminous, like a statue. Everything on that face seemed flawless:
smooth marble like skin, perfectly defined lips, high cheek bones, a perfect nose
that fit extremely well between the liquid blue eyes that were surrounded by the
curviest eyelashes and defined eyebrows. Her eyes, though, were beyond anything
I had ever seen. Although Kole had been the second on my top list of beautiful
eyes—Aiden being the first—her eyes were just unbelievable. It was like staring
into the innocence of time. No, that was no way of describing it. The color of her
eyes, the sparkling blue, God must have poured the gleaming color of the sky and
ocean into them. Of course, she didn’t realize that I was analyzing her like this,
perhaps even idolizing, because her eyes stared off out the window to the left of
her. As I finally took my seat, I wondered who she was and if in any way related to
Aiden or Kole. They all had the same beautiful features; surely they had to have
some relation, right?
“Alright students, we have a no girl at this school as I’m sure you have all
gossiped about by now.” Ms. Guevara spoke loudly trying her best to quiet the
incomprehensible chatter. “Catalina Danielson is her name, just in case you were
all wondering. Catalina, would you like to say a few words about yourself?” I
shook my head slowly and tried to hide myself from the stares coming from across
the room. Ms. Guevara didn’t seem too surprised with my answer, and looked a bit
grateful that I didn’t take any time from her lesson of the day. “Catalina, do you
know where the library is?” I shook my head once more. “Alright, um, Tanya, why
don’t you show Catalina where the library is so that she can check out the two
books she’ll need?”
It’s funny the way life works, really, because the first girl I judged during
choir class was in fact the first girl I was about to talk to. Her white teeth shined
brightly against her fake tan.
“Alright!” I reluctantly stood to go meet her at the door of the classroom.
Against my naturally tanned skin, Tanya’s tan seemed more of an orange
tint. I wondered if she noticed that too. I believe she did because her eyes kept
skimming me over, but then again she could have been judging me the way I
judged her by her appearance.
“What brought you here?” my eyebrows furrowed with her inquiry.
“Huh?”
“Why did you move here to Portland, I mean?” She was trying to make
some sort of conversation, perhaps so she could go gossip about it afterwards.
“Oh, my mother died a few weeks ago, and my father sent me here with my
aunt.” I decided not to repeat the whole ordeal like in my first period class; I didn’t
need any more disapproving stares.
“That sounds awful.” I nodded. After I assured her that I was quite alright,
she began to go on about which people I should avoid and who I should associate
with. Of course, she highly recommended that I joined her group of friends. “…
we’re such a cool group. All the students here would look up to. I’m like not even

34
kidding! There was this one time when I accidentally…” I tuned in and out of her
speech hoping that maybe she’d mention something about Aiden, Kole, or the girl
who sat in front of me.
When I figured she’d never get to the subject-she had some how drifted to
talking about New York City-I decided that if I ever wanted to get information I’d
have to ask her myself. “...Madison Square Garden is so wonderful and—”
“Hey, sorry to interrupt you, but I’ve just had this question lingering in my
head.” By now we were already on our way from the library and I was carrying
one small semi-light grammar book and a much heavier and bigger literature book.
“Oh, well, okay ask away.” I swallowed thickly trying to figure out the
right way to ask her about them.
“Do you anything about Aiden Lexington or Kole Callaghan?” Her eye
brows raised and she sighed deeply, it seemed in annoyance.
“So you’ve seen them then?” I nodded.
“I think it’d be kind of hard to over look them.” She scowled at my
statement. Did she have sort of bad experience with the two?
“Yes, it’s hard to over look them, but you get used to it because they over
look you all the time.” The distaste in her voice was crystal clear.
“Oh, are they not friendly?” Of course they were friendly enough to me,
and I’m sure she must have seen Kole talking to me during choir, so my question
was only to annoy her. I chuckled inside to myself for my mischievousness.
“Yeah, I’d say they aren’t. They think they are so much better than all of us
that they can’t even associate with us. Even when you try to be nice to them, they
ignore it. Ugh, it’s so aggravating. Aiden and Kole don’t date, did ya know? Well,
at least they don’t date the girls here. I guess we’re not good enough for them.” It
seemed as though she was extremely close to stomping her foot, crossing her arms
and pouting. I tried my best to hide the laugh that was dying to come out.
“That’s interesting.”
“Yeah, it sure-freaking-is!” I went on as if she had not even said anything.
“I had Aiden in first period and he was very nice to me. He even invited me
to talk with him during break. Kole was sweet to me too. It’s hard to believe what
you say about them.” I thought that my attempt at sounding innocent was crap, but
apparently Tanya fell for it; her mouth practically hit the floor.
“What? They talked to you?” I smiled and nodded.
“Oh, yeah, they’re both very kind.”
“Well, what did he tell you? Did he touch you? What—”
“Oh well, thanks for showing me to the library, Tanya, it seems pretty quiet
in there so I think we should stop talking.” I grabbed the door handle and opened
the door before she could say anything else. I took my seat with a smile wanting to
appear across my lips, but I subdued it until I was sure Tanya wasn’t staring at me
in astonishment.
After a few minutes, the chatter started up again. I was almost positive I
heard Tanya say my name, but then again I could have just been hearing things.

35
Having nothing more to do since all my work was finished—I was amazingly
proficient in English—I decided to stare out the window as the girl in front of me
was doing so at that very moment.
There were so many other things that I could have started to think about
like my mother’s death, my father negligence, my new life with my aunt. The last
few weeks for me have been hectic and incredibly life changing, and, yet, my
thoughts were all about Aiden. After this period I’d be able to see him! The
thought excited me more than it should have.
In the past years of my life, I had completely given up on boys since they’d
look me over all the time. Now, with the death of my mother and this move to
Portland, was the worst time to get dazzled by a boy I hardly knew. It was naïve
and pointless; my feelings would only get hurt. Even though they were nice and
sweet to me it didn’t mean that they’d somehow sink so low to date someone like
me. I was just being so stupid.
A deep sigh escaped me and with the sigh came the name Aiden. The girl in
front of me stirred a bit. My eyes shifted from the window to the girl. Her head
moved slightly more to the left as if she was going to turn and face me, but I didn’t
count on it. Then again, had she heard me whisper Aiden’s name, perhaps she was
going to lecture me on Aiden just like Tanya did. I rolled my eyes just imagining
yet another person telling me how I should stay away from him and such.
“You’re new, aren’t you?” the girl finally fully turned her head to look me
right in the eye. When she did, all my irritation and frustrated thoughts were lost as
I stared into those eyes.
“Yes.” I muttered.
“I’m sorry to say this so abruptly, but you shouldn’t fantasize about Aiden.”
Okay, irritation is back again.
“What? Why? I mean, I wasn’t fantasizing about him.” My defenses
immediately came up; I felt insulted in a way.
“All you girls idolize him like he’s just some kind of possession, like he’s a
god. I could tell you were new because you’re imaging him in your head. Most
girls, now, have learned to look past him as he does them. I wouldn’t get you
fantasies get out of hand if I were you.” I don’t know what shocked me the most:
the fact that she just completely insulted me, or the fact that such a smooth and
angel like voice could make an insult like that.
“I—I, well, I wasn’t…” my voice trailed off. I felt the words I was looking,
the insults I wanted to give her, were stuck in my throat—I was never the type of
person so insult anyway.
“Keep away from him if you don’t want to get hurt.” Her firm suggestion
was more like a warning. The girl seemed so tiny, though, and I couldn’t see her
getting into fights, but, still, it’d probably be best if I didn’t get on her bad side.
The bell rang after that and she took off swiftly, just as graceful as Aiden
and Aiden, leaving me no time to say anything back to her. I felt a little stunned at
that point. I didn’t know if I should stay seated in the classroom or run off to the

36
parking lot to find Aiden. The girl did warn me to stay away, but Aiden asked me
to see him, didn’t he? I shook my head and then decided to just meet Aiden.
The words the girl in my last class had told me were still fresh in my mind
and I was fighting against myself. I still wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing, but
I was still walking to the parking lot. If the worst case scenario happened, I would
just hide out in my car like the cowardly lion.
“Catalina!” I looked up to see who was calling my name; when I saw the
face it made my lips form a smile. Aiden was waving me down towards the end of
the parking lot. He stood next to a shiny, midnight black car; it looked expensive,
but I couldn’t say what kind of car it was from far away. As I walked, not too
swiftly so not to seem anxious, towards him, I could feel the stares from the girls,
and perhaps the boys too, clawing into my back. My hands were beginning to
sweat from the anxiety; I had to wipe them a couple of times on my pants to dry
them. It was hard for me to find the right words to say when I finally stood before
Aiden. All I could do was smile awkwardly at him and hope that I wouldn’t stutter
when I finally spoke.
“H-hey.” I stuttered. I mentally slapped myself for doing just that.
“Hey.” He replied back much smoother than how I had attempted.
I couldn’t seem to just look him in the eyes because I knew I’d probably
say something about how he was unbelievably handsome or the way his velvet
voice seemed to give me goose bumps—the good kind—or something that would
make me sound equally foolish. With that thought in mind, I decided to figure out
what kind of expensive looking car Aiden drove. My eyes almost fell out of their
sockets when I saw the brand.
“You drive a Mercedes?” I more like stated since it clearly read ‘Mercedes’
on the car. Most of the cars here in the parking lot were fairly old. There were the
few newer models of Nissan or Honda, but a Mercedes for a high school student
seemed out of place here.
Aiden chuckled at my statement. I didn’t know what to make of it; was he
laughing because of how foolish I sounded? My mouth opened to say something
that didn’t make me sound silly when something touched the back of my neck. I
swiftly turned around and found Kole’s dark sapphire eyes only centimeters from
my face. His eyes melted me in place and made me lose my breath. I wondered if
he could hear my heart increasing its speed as loudly as I could hear it in my own
ears.
“Hello, Catalina, we meet again. I did not know that you were to join us
during break.” The cinnamon scent blew against my face as he spoke making my
mind go a little incoherent for a while.
I wanted to speak and say something back to him, but it seemed as though
my words faded as the worked their way up my throat. Then, when Kole’s index
finger slid down my cheek, I thought my knees were going to give way.
“Had I known that I was going to be in the presence of such a charming
girl, I would have prepared myself for such a sight and try not to adore you too

37
much.” I gasped as his finger ran down my neck and then to my collar bone, and
then a little lower…
“Kole, please, maybe you should move away a bit. I think Catalina would
like to breathe before she faints.” Aiden stopped Kole from touching me any lower
than my collar bone. He chuckled a little at the end of his sentence, but his voice
had a touch of irritation and firmness that made me turn to look at his expression,
but all firmness and irritation had left by the time I looked. “I’m sorry about him,
Catalina; he’s a bit of a flirt, believe it or not.” I shrugged it off.
“It’s quite fine. Boys will be boys, right?” he gave me a faint smile, but I
still sensed something wrong with his aura. I couldn’t pin point what it was, but I
knew something was definitely bothering him.
“Aiden, where’s Elizabeth?” Kole questioned as he leaned up against the
back of the Mercedes.
“In the car.” Aiden answered almost dully as he stared off. Kole, then,
stepped away from the back and moved to the back seat windows perhaps to find
Elizabeth. I felt a bit out of place and awkward with Aiden just staring off. There
wasn’t much I could say but, then, I remembered something that I was yearning to
ask him since we first talked.
“Aiden,” he turned immediately to look at me.
“Oh, gosh, I’m sorry, Catalina, I invited you here to talk and I’m just
ignoring you.” I waved it off.
“Don’t worry about it. It seems like you have a lot on your mind.” He
nodded and stared toward his left.
“Yes, I do, I suppose.” At that moment the wind slightly picked up speed. It
ran through Aiden’s hair and tousled it causing a few strands to brush against the
front of his eyes as he starred off looking at nothing in particular. It made him look
like part of the natural beauty of the world. I admired him for quite a while before
a small voice in my head reminded me that I had something to ask him.
“I’m sorry, but I just need to ask you this and get it off my chest.” Aiden
turned to look at me once more.
“Yes, sorry, go ahead; I’m all ears.” I cleared my throat before I spoke.
“I know this may sound ludicrous, but, did you save me in San Francisco
after I jumped off the bridge?” His eyes widen and he seemed to stiffen.
“Catalina, I—” Aiden was cut off my Kole’s voice.
“Catalina, you haven’t met Elizabeth yet.” It appeared as though Kole was
forcing Elizabeth to step out of the car. The first thing I saw was her arm and then
she came into full view. I sucked in air and stood extremely still. The beautiful girl
from my last class stood before me. I could sense the irritation and frustration
coming from her. “Catalina, this is Elizabeth, Aiden’s younger sister.” That alone
shocked me the most. The way she had explicitly warmed me to stay away from
Aiden made it sound as though she were his girlfriend.
“It’s nice to meet you Elizabeth.” I held out my hand to shake hers and
when she touched me it made me feel cold and dizzy. ‘I warned you.’ It sounded

38
like Elizabeth’s voice in my head, but, maybe it was just my mind playing tricks
on me. I immediately retrieved my hand from hers and took a few steps away from
her.
“Likewise, Catalina. If you’ll excuse me, I have to start getting to my next
class.” She replied walking past me sending a wave of a ginger scent my way.
“The bell hasn’t rung yet, though.” I stated. She turned on her heel
gracefully and then raised her index finger and right then the bell rang announcing
the end of the break. My eyebrows furrowed in frustration as she raised her
eyebrow at me and had an expression that read: ‘See? I was right.’ I sighed and
reluctantly began to follow her. Kole came up behind me and put on of his hands
on my back as we walked.
“What class do you have next?” I checked my schedule quickly.
“Creative writing.” I replied. That was one of the few things that I was
good at doing. I wondered if I had picked that class, but I could not recall.
“Ah, well Aiden has that class with you. I’ll see you later, then, maybe?” I
nodded and smiled. He smiled back and then slid his hand away from my back and
took off to his class.
I turned around too see Aiden with his hands in the pockets of his jeans
walking slowly towards me staring down towards the ground. There was a part of
me that wanted to wait for him to walk to class together, but just looking at his
expression-so contemplated—I decided to start off to class without him and let
him think without my awkward presence.
Aiden wasn’t much different in class. The only words he spoke to me were
a suggestion for me to sit in the empty seat next to him, which he then fell silent
and spoke no more only to stare off just as he had done during break. When the
class had finally broken off into small groups and the chatter began, I knew that I
had to bring up the San Francisco subject once more. During break he was just
about to say something when Kole interrupted him, now, though, no one was
likely to interrupt.
“Aiden, I’m sorry I jus—”
“Catalina, I know what you want to ask. I did not get to answer you during
our break, but I will do so now.” Aiden stopped what he was doing and then turned
to face me. He then seemed unsatisfied with something. That unsatisfying thing
must have been that fact that there were a few inches of space between us, so he
pulled me forward towards him desk and all. “Yes, I was in San Francisco those
many days ago. I was actually there to discuss business matters with…family I
have there. It was quite stressing what had been discussed while with the family
and I thought that walking would help me think with more clarity. I walked
without knowing where it was that I was going; I had no clear destination in my
mind and so I let my feet take me to where ever.
Next thing I knew I was walking across the golden gate bridge. I was
walking quite peacefully, when out of nowhere some one pushes past me knocking
me out of my pondering state. I saw this girl running, pushing, shoving through

39
people in a desperate manner. I began to then wonder what she would be running
toward. Maybe she had lost her parents in the midst of all the people and now she
was desperately looking for them. It was just a thought that ran through my head,
though, but I figured she had her reasons for running. Still, I watched to see what
she would do. She stopped in, what seemed as, the middle of the bridge and stood
by the railing for just a little while. I then thought again that she was looking out
towards the water admiring its beauty, but then she jumped the railing and dived
quickly into the water. I remember my eyes widen and I gasped. I would have
never thought that the young girl was running to kill herself. I was sure it was
suicide because if it were a stunt she would have risen from the water only a few
seconds after entering it. But she didn’t emerge, and I could see the worried and
shocked faces of the people around; many of them were already calling 9-1-1. I
knew they wouldn’t arrive on time to rescue her out of the water, so I jumped in. I
found her as quickly as I could and then brought her to the nearest land I could
find. I gave her CPR hoping desperately that I had gotten to her on time. She
looked far too precious to lose life. Whatever that had caused her so much pain as
to make her think that she needed to die I cursed to the deepest part of Hell. I
knew there was a crowd already around the girl and me, but I was so focused on
saving her life that I paid no attention to them. When she finally spat out the water
that had filled her lungs, relief washed over me. Her eyes opened slowly until she
finally looked at me. She asked the silliest question, but I was just glad she was
alive even if she had intended to die. Her eyes were a wonderful golden green
color that stared back at me with confusion. I couldn’t explain anything, though,
because the paramedics took her away at that moment.
When I had to return here to Portland, she would appear in my thoughts and
I couldn’t help but wonder if she was well and what ever became of her. I have
hoped that she was alive this whole time for the only purpose of saying…” here
Aiden leaned in closer to me and then put his right hand on my neck, pulled
himself closer to where his mouth was right next to my ear. His citrus scent
amazed and dizzied me; I had nearly forgotten that we were in the middle of a
class room. “You’re an idiot for trying to take your life, Catalina.” His breath was
warm and sent a shiver down my spine. The way he spoke was so smooth and
seductive I didn’t mind that he was, in a way, insulting me. When he pulled away
from me, I was still dazed and dazzled just like I had been with Kole earlier during
break. Aiden gave me a shockingly beautiful smirk and then turned to start putting
his things away.
I tried my hardest not to gaze at him, but it was a difficult task. I found
myself smiling and then thinking about the recent way two gorgeous boys have
dazzled me. It seemed as though, so far, the first day of school had turned out
much more eventful than I thought it would be. I looked once more towards Aiden
and smiled again. I was extremely grateful and content that he had saved me life or
I would have missed this whole experience.

40
 Chapter Four: Maybe More
When I had gotten home that day, I felt as though I was still in a dream.
Everything around me just seemed so lively and colorful—I could have sworn that
the birds were chirping along with my humming. Claudia had not yet gotten home,
so I decided to make a dinner—with all the energy that was just increasing by the
second, I had to do something productive. Luckily, Claudia had her cabinets and
refrigerator stocked with food; all I needed to do was decide on what to make. I
decided that some lasagna would do nicely. I pulled out the pasta, pasta sauce,
meat, and cheese and then hooked up some speakers to my Mp3 player and turned
up the volume.
Claudia was still not home when I placed the lasagna in the oven and still
my energy had not died down. My cheeks were starting to hurt from all the
smiling, but I couldn’t seem to stop stretching my lips into a wide grin. My hands
would start shaking if I tried to hold them still as if they just couldn’t contain
themselves in one position for too long. I had to put some sort of music on that
would help me do something good with all the energy I had left in me. With my
mother being Hispanic most of the music she would listen to was salsa, so I
thought it’d be a good choice to dance off the way my mother had showed me.
Dancing brought back many good memories of my mother. I remembered she the
way would always dance while cooking and would drag me into her arms to make
me dance along. I think I slipped into a dream because it felt like I was really in
my mother’s living room dancing all over the place and laughing. My mother’s
eyes would squint when she smiled. Her smile would illuminate the place though,
without it everything seemed dull. She was so much more graceful than me that I
wondered who I got the clumsiness from. If I had to describe her in one word it’d
be life. My mother was so full of life I would have never believed that it would be
taken from her.
“Oh! What a great dancer you are!” Claudia’s exclamation stopped me in
my dance.
She applauded me excitedly as she entered the living room setting her purse
and keys down on the couch.
“Who taught you how to dance so well?” she questioned as I turned the
mp3 player off. I looked up at her with painful eyes.
“My mother.” I replied walking over to the kitchen to check on the lasagna.
Claudia must have really seen how it caused me agony to talk about my mother,
but she still spoke about her; I suppose to make me see the good memories.
“She was incredible, your mother. Or so I heard from your grandmother.
She was a very nature type of women, wasn’t she, very gentle and loving?” I
nodded and gave her a weary smile.

41
 She cleared her throat and decided not to dwell on the subject any longer.
“What did you make there?” I pulled the lasagna out of the oven and on to the
counter top.
“Lasagna.” There were tears starting to work their way to spill from my
eyes, but I didn’t let them. I had cried almost everyday since my mother’s death;
there had been no cries throughout the whole day and I didn’t want to start.
“Well, how was your first day of school? Did you make any friends?”
Claudia seemed eager to know.
“It was…pretty amazing actually. I made three new friends. All guys too,
huh?” It had just dawned on me that the friends I had made were only male; I had
never made too many guy friends.
“Oh, really now? Well, come on, what’s their names.” I felt the excitement
pour back into me and I couldn’t contain the information any longer-I just had to
tell someone.
“Well, the first boy I met is Abe Beckham—”
“Oh I know his mother! He’s grown into such a cute boy.” Claudia had as
much, if not more, excitement in her eyes as I did.
“Yes, he is and he’s very sweet too. He helped me get around the school
most of the day.” At the moment, I was standing by the counter still, but for the
next to boys I was going to try and describe I needed to sit down so my knees
wouldn’t give way. “The next two boys I’m going to tell you about, awh, there is
just no exact way I can describe them to you. They were just so mesmerizing,
amazing, beautiful, charming, friendly boys. Claudia, they are the reason my day
went so amazingly well.” I sighed deeply just recalling the few hours of school.
“Okay, well spill their names already!” She was just like a teenage girl
anxiously waiting to hear the latest gossip.
“Well, the first one I met was Aiden Lexington.”
“Aiden Lexington?” her smile turned into a frown, but I continued on as
though I had seen nothing.
“Yes, Aiden Lexington. Not only did he ask me to spend the break with and
was charming beyond all reason, he was the one who jumped in to save me when I
tried committing suicide in San Francisco. Small world, isn’t it?” Claudia gave me
a quizzical look.
“Aiden was in San Francisco?”
“Yes, he told me he had gone there to discuss business with family.” she
remained puzzled as I continued. “I met Kole Callaghan later that day.”
“Kole Callaghan?”
“Yes, I had not known that he was a friend of Aiden’s until he met up with
us during break. I’ve got to say, he said something enchanting comments that
made me lose my breath a few times.” I stopped talking because it seemed like
Claudia was not exactly listening anymore, but more like trying to figure out a
puzzle. “Claudia?” she blinked and came out of her trance like state.

42
 “Oh, sorry, dear. Did you meet Aiden’s sister, Elizabeth?” I was the one
with a quizzical look now.
“Yes, I did. Why do you ask?”
“Did she speak to you?” she didn’t answer my question.
“Yes, she did, I suppose. Again, why do you ask?” she didn’t answer again,
but questioned instead.
“What did she tell you?” I was starting to dread what it was that she was
trying to get to.
“Basically, to stay away from Aiden and I think she threatened me, too.” I
began to remember the short unpleasant conversation I had had with Elizabeth.
“Yet again, why do you ask?” this time she didn’t question again, but she didn’t
exactly answer my question either.
“You should take her advice. Stay away from Kole too.” Claudia stood
from the table. “I’m sorry, I-I just remembered that I wanted to check the post
office mail. I’ll be back shortly. Save some of the lasagna for me, if you don’t
mind.” She hurriedly grabbed her purse and keys and walked to the door.
“Yes, alright, bye.” I replied confused.
“Bye, don’t stay up too late, sweetie.” And with that she left the house.
I didn’t understand what it was that had gotten her so puzzled when I began
to mention Aiden or why she agreed with Elizabeth about me staying away from
him. What was so perilous about these boys that everyone kept telling me to stay
away? I didn’t see any evil in them, but then again I was too busy being dazzled to
try and find a fault in them. But then again, there must be something a little wrong
with them if they were both dazzling a girl like me. I knew there were far prettier
girls than me at the school, so why did they pick me to be the only girl—besides
Elizabeth—to talk to? I didn’t know any answers to my questions, but I knew one
thing for sure: I was hungry. My hunger always overrides my mind and with the
smell of warm, delicious lasagna in the air, I just had to have a piece. I cut myself
a slice and then sat down in front of the TV and forgot all about my inquiries.
I was extremely anxious to get the school next day that I woke up earlier
than usual. By the time that I had finished getting ready I still needed to wait
another hour until I could leave the house and then get to school at an early time.
My stomach made a growl and it gave me the idea of making Claudia and myself
some breakfast.
The night before I had not heard Claudia come back to the house, so, in
actuality, I did not know if she was, in fact, home. Thinking about the night before
made my head spin with confusing questions. What was it about Aiden and Kole
that made Claudia so nervous? No, I can’t say that she was nervous, but she
certainly didn’t like that fact that I was with them. What made me the most
frustrated was that I could not figure out why she didn’t like it.
“Good morning!” Claudia stepped into the kitchen in red boxer shorts, a
black tank top, and black fuzzy slipper-so she had returned that night prior.

43
 “Morning. Would you like some coffee?” I offered her as I poured myself a
glass. It wasn’t such a good idea to add caffeine to my system when I was already
maxed out on energy, but I couldn’t help it—I loved coffee.
“That sounds lovely, why don’t you pour me a glass, yeah?” she stretched
her arms out sighing deeply and then grabbed the cup of coffee I handed to her.
It was amazing how she was so less serious today; it was such a contrast
from last night. I found myself raising my eyebrow and looking at her tentatively. I
still couldn’t figure out the reason for her reaction last night, and I was too timid to
ask her about it.
I handed her a plate of eggs, bacon, and pancakes and then set my own
plate down in front of me. She gave me a puzzling look. “I thought you—” she
began.
“I quit. Time for some real food.” I smiled and chuckled, as did she. After a
few moments, we were both done with our food.
“Well, I’m off to get ready for work.” Claudia announced after a quiet
session of us drinking our coffee at the table. She then place the cup in the sink
and left up stairs. I wondered if she could feel my eyes as I was scrutinizing while
we drank in silence. Once again, my eyebrows creased as I began to think about
her.
Only a few seconds later, I could feel the caffeine hiking up my energy to a
new level. My eyes darted to the clock just above a calendar in the kitchen. I had
about forty-five minutes left until it would be an appropriate time to leave for
school. I decided that running around the huge yard surrounding the house would
take up time and bring my energy level down to a healthy level.
The air was incredibly fresh outside; far better than the air in San Francisco
and reminded me so much of my mother’s house out in the country. It was like
every breath of air gave me more and more clarity and made me forget,
temporarily, about the perplexing situation that had started last night. All I could
think about at the moment was the way nature seemed to make me melt into it and
I was a part of everything. I was the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees
to make them rustle. I was the scent coming off the beautiful, vibrant flowers. I
was the waves crashing along the shore soaking the rocks. I was the ground
beneath me with many years of history in many layers. For that half hour, I finally
realized how peaceful it was to be one with nature as my mother had tried to
describe to me once. There’s nothing truly like the experience to try and compare
it.
“Catalina, you should get to school, shouldn’t you?” Claudia snapped me
out of my nature state and back to the real time. She was wearing a black, tight,
knee length skirt, a hot pink button up shirt and a black jacket. She held a black
brief case in her left hand and my backpack in her right. Her blonde hair was tied
up in a bun neatly. She looked very professional and it made me wonder what it
was that she did for a living.
“Yeah, I suppose I should.” I replied walking over to her to get my things.

44
 “I put your wallet, keys, and phone in there.”
“Thank you.” I grinned grabbing the backpack and pulled out the car keys
from the front pocket.
She and I walked over to our cars in a synchronized manor even when we
got inside the car. She pulled out of the drive way first and then I pulled out
driving up next to her on her left. “Have a good day at work Claudia.” I smiled.
“And you at school, sweetie.” She smiled back and then took off. There was
a short period of time when I was behind her on the road until we spilt and went to
our different destinations.
There were still some stares when I got out of my car, and I thought it was
because the word had gotten around about my attempted suicide. I was
immediately regretting saying that just so I could sit down in first period
yesterday.
I decided to ignore the stares for a few seconds and reach over to the
passenger’s side of my car and retrieve my backpack. A vast muscular chest
greeted me as I straightened out—not to mention it made me jump and widen my
eyes.
“Catalina, how are you today?” Kole showed his pearly whites in a crooked
smile that was just dazzling.
“I’m great.” I choked out and smiled. I tried taking in a deep breath to cool
my nerves, but I only took a big whiff of his scent—he was just so close!—and my
mind went spinning.
“And you were amazed that I drove a Mercedes and, yet, here you are with
a Corvette, Catalina.” Aiden appeared around the rear end of my car examining the
red color, I presumed.
“Uhm, it’s my aunt’s. Well, she gave it to me sort of.” My words tumble
over one another and made me sound slow.
“It’s a very nice car.” Kole complimented. I was about to tell him thank
you, but he spoke before I could even open my mouth. “It’s just like you.” Kole
inched closer to me to the point where no breeze could pass between us. “You look
stunning in red, very sexy.” My breaths became hard and short making my chest
go up and down at a quick speed underneath the long, tight, decorated red shirt I
wore.
“Red’s my favorite color.” My words were barely whispers.
“It suits you deeply.” Kole mesmerized me with his eyes freezing me
against the side of my car.
“Kole, will you stop. Just watching you flirt like that makes me nauseous.”
Elizabeth’s voice came from my left side. She dressed amazingly in a lacey shirt
and a knee length ruffled skirt.
“Then don’t watch, Lizzie.” Kole remarked only turning his head to
Elizabeth for just a second and then turned back to me. I wondered why Kole
didn’t compliment Elizabeth, too. She looked far more stunning than me and, yet,
he treated her with humor.

45
 Aiden had not spoken since commenting about my car, and I had nearly
forgotten about him with Kole so near me and his scent dizzying my mind every
time I took a breath.
Kole and Elizabeth began to argue—she had said something about hating
that he called her Lizzie. With the argument escalating, Kole stepped away letting
me take breaths that didn’t make my head spin. It also gave a chance to speak with
Aiden.
“Hey, how are you?” it was the best conversation starter that I could think
of at the moment.
“Oh, hey, Catalina, I’m okay. You?” He leaned up against the side of my car
and crossed his arms. His eyes had looked at me briefly when I first spoke to him,
but now they were staring off just like the day before.
“I’m…fine.” I wanted to say something more. I wanted to ask what was
bothering him and why he seemed to be so distant ever since Aiden had begun to
speak to me yesterday, but I figured we weren’t exactly friends enough to ask him
such personal questions.
“Catalina,” this was Elizabeth calling me. It caught me by surprise since I
was so engulfed in Aiden’s pondering expression. “Don’t get caught up in Kole’s
charming words. He’s nothing but a deceitful boy only out to suck the life from
you.” She had a small smile but her eyes were serious as they stared at me.
“I’ll be sure to remember that.” I laughed. I had only known Kole for not
even a day and he had been charming from the first time I spoke to him, but I
obviously didn’t exactly know him.
“We should start going.” Aiden announced. We all nodded and started
walking.
Kole fell behind with me as Elizabeth and Aiden walked ahead. His bright
red hair was like fire as the wind blew threw it. I imagined that was how the sun
looked like when it started falling away at dusk: bright orange, red, and yellow all
mixed into one. His eyes and hair contrasted greatly against his skin; just like
Aiden’s and Elizabeth’s. I still wondered if Kole was related to Aiden and
Elizabeth—they must be.
I didn’t realize that I was staring at Kole until his eyes fell down and gazed
right into mine.
“Do I interest you that much?” he asked with a devilish smile. I blinked my
eyes away from his.
“I was just wondering something.” I answered looking at the ground
knowingly avoiding looking around me since I could feel the stares I was getting.
“Wondering what?” The curiosity in his voice undisguised.
“Are you related to them?” I cocked my head toward Aiden and Elizabeth.
Kole raised his eyebrow.
“Why do you ask? Don’t we look like just friends?” I wasn’t sure how to
take in his answer. Was he insulted?

46
 “Well, uhm…you three seem to have similar…uh…features.” There was no
way I was going to say that the three of them looked like gods: Beautiful and
flawless. There was no way in hell I was going to embarrass myself like that.
“Oh, I see. Well, no we’re not related…by blood. His parents took me in,
though, so we’re all kind of like siblings.” Aiden and Elizabeth stopped
underneath a tree; Kole and I stood in front of them.
The three of them sat down on the grass, but stayed standing too nervous to
take a seat. I felt as though I was the odd one out. They were so majestic and I was
just so plain. I looked around to see the many eyes upon me. There expressions
were mixed: angry, jealous, confused, and thoughtful. There was only one person I
wanted to look for in the midst of the rest. I caught a glimpse of Abe just as he
walked away toward the east building. I didn’t see his expression, but I was sure it
wasn’t a good one.
“Do you like standing?” Kole’s smooth voice came from below—he was
just a few inches away from where I stood.
I shook my head and then sat down reluctantly with a sigh. It was silent for
the remainder five or ten minutes—I wasn’t quite aware of time, nor was trying to
keep up with it. The first bell ringing was the only way I knew that school was
about to start. My first class was with Aiden, and it gave me mixed emotions. I
wasn’t sure whether I felt happy to be sitting by him once more or if it frightened
me that he could possibly stay silent like this for the period.
I stood before the three of them. Even though my mind kept telling me to
walk away as fast I as I could, I didn’t want to be impolite to them and just walk
away so rudely.
“Uhm, well, I should get going to my class. I’ll see you next period, Kole.”
He nodded still sitting down in no hurry to get to class. “Elizabeth.” I bowed my
head her way—for some reason I just felt like I needed to treat her like royalty.
She did the same and then I took one glance at Aiden. “I’ll see you in class,
Aiden.” I didn’t even wait for him to answer; I simply walked away with no
rudeness intended.
Once I got to my seat, I scooted it as far as I could from Aiden’s. There was
something troubling him, and I didn’t know if my presence had something to do
with it. Nonetheless, giving him enough space seemed like the only thing I could
do at the moment.
Aiden didn’t seem to notice the extra space between us. His eyes just stared
blankly at the white board in front of the class room as Mr. Hampton gave us his
daily lecture. Class seemed to drag on and I couldn’t concentrate on the chemicals
Mr. Hampton was going over—not that I really needed to, my old school had
covered this part of chemistry. Aiden’s stare did not waver—did he ever blink?
“Homework tonight is on page one eighty-four. Do questions one through
fifteen.” After announcing that, Mr. Hampton went to his desk and let the room fill
with chatter. It seemed to me like Aiden and I were the only ones who were silent.
His face still in the same position, his eyes also still the same. I tried not to look at

47
him, but I found that impossible with my eyes looking forward and his shape
almost clear in my peripheral vision. I decided to face away and support my head
with my chin in my right hand.
It seemed like an eternity before the bell rang and Aiden left quickly and
silently. I stared after him in amazed confusion. He still looked as graceful as he
did the day before but there was no simple conversation like the day before.
“I see he’s more like himself today.” Abe’s voice frightened me a bit. I had
nearly forgotten that I also shared this class with. I shook my head away from the
path Aiden had taken when left and turned it to see Abe.
“That doesn’t seem like himself to me, though.” I sighed and began to find
my way out of the small space between my desk and the desk to the left of me—
Abe followed suit.
“Well, you’ve only known him for about a day. Believe me, that’s him
alright.” I could hear the sneer Abe’s voice but didn’t wan to think of it. It made
me tense when he spoke like that.
“So, would you mind if I spent lunch with you today, again?” I deliberately
wanted to change the subject.
“Of course I wouldn’t mind!” Abe’s sneer was immediately replaced by a
huge grin. His eyes squinted as the smile grew wider.
“Alright sounds great. I’ll meet by the tree like yesterday?” I questioned as
walked through the hallway. He nodded just as he turned to take the flight of stairs
up to his next class.
I found myself still smiling as I entered the choir class. As I did, Kole
immediately waved me down to sit by him once more. He spoke to me briefly
about the music so that, maybe, I’d be able to understand it before class started.
Sadly, the few minutes of teaching did nothing to help me and I was still as lost as
ever.
“Well, teaching you sure is going to take a lot of time. The beginning of
class doesn’t seem to be enough though.” Kole had begun to talk away as soon as
Mrs. Rhodes and retreated to her desk. “Ah! Yes! I have it!” His eyes stared into
mine with triumphant. “I can tutor you after school!” I raised my eye brows in
surprise. Why didn’t he just help me switch out of the class, that sounded much
easier, but I could rob the excitement from him—it didn’t sound too bad to be with
Kole more than just at school after all.
“That sounds great.” I smiled back and tried to match his enthusiasm.
Class ended soon after that and Kole made me promise that I’d spend the
break with him—or them: Elizabeth, Aiden, and him. “I’ll see you then.” I
promised and he, then, walked away with a smile still on his face.
As I was reaching for my backpack to my left, I realized Tanya was eyeing
my carefully. I wasn’t sure what she was trying to see in me. Maybe she was
trying to figure out what was so special about me that Kole seemed so friendly and
flirty to me? I wanted to turn to her and say: ‘I honestly don’t get it either.’ I

48
decided to ignore her instead and walked to my English class dreading having to
see Elizabeth.
Elizabeth took no notice of me when I walked right past her and sat in the
seat right behind hers. Her expression and posture as just the same as the day
before; it made me think of her more and more like a beautiful marble statue. I
wondered if she stayed like that for the same reason as Aiden when we were in
Chemistry. Maybe it had something to do with them, their family, and not me as I
had thought it to be. How full of myself I must have been. When break came I was
surprised when Elizabeth stood and turned to face me.
“Are you joining us again?” she questioned.
“Huh?” I knew what she was talking about, but it seemed like my mind
couldn’t exactly process anything with Elizabeth standing there looking down at
me as I sat in my seat still.
“At break, will you be joining us?” she clarified resting her hand on her hip
as she did.
“Oh, yes. Kole made me promise I would.” The words were slurred
together and I didn’t dare look at her—she didn’t want me around right?
“Hmph, I wonder why Kole even bothers.” And with that she turned on her
heel and walked away like she was a runway model.
It’s hard to take insults from such a petite girl seriously, but I was still weak
—emotionally and physically—and the words hurt, but they made sense. Why did
Kole even bother with flirting with me? What would he get out of it? What made
me so special? Kole was amazingly beautiful, yes, but he was also way out of my
league. ‘Don’t get your hopes up.’ I told myself and then let out a long sigh before
leaving the class. As I was walking toward the parking lot again, I could see the
way everyone’s eyes were on me again. I felt violated, in a way, because I knew
they were all judging me as I passed them and it didn’t feel right. Yes, it was odd
for Kole, Aiden, and Elizabeth to socialize with them, but was it that surprising to
see them speaking to the new girl? ‘They have to get over it sometime.’
“Hey.” I smiled nervously as I reached the Mercedes Benz.
“Catalina, I’m glad you could join us again.” Aiden’s voice and smile made
my heart race.
“Yeah, I’m glad too. Kole made me promise that I’d spend break with you
guys.” Aiden’s shot a quick glance at Kole who was standing right beside him.
“Did he now? Well, you shouldn’t feel too obligated to keep the promises
you make to this guy, I’d ignore him if I were you.” He poked Kole with his elbow
playfully.
“Ow, that hurts for two reasons. One, you jabbed me with your elbow. Two,
why would you tell someone to ignore and not keep the promises they make me?
Now that’s just rude.” Kole chuckled and then turned his attention to me. “So,
Miss Danielson, tell me something about you. All I know is that you can’t sing-so
you say—and you must like writing since you’re in creative writing.” He pulled

49
me to his side and then slung his arm loosely around my shoulders. His cinnamon
scent hit me hard.
“Uh…what do you mean?” The scent, god the scent just made it so hard for
me to function.
“Well, what are your hobbies? Where were you born? Family, friends,
anything would be nice.” I made my eyes stare at the floor so I could focus on
what to say and not Kole’s scent or features.
“Oh! Well, hobbies, uhm…I like painting more than I like writing. I use to
paint a lot before my mother…” I lowered my voice and faded out the last two
words and then restarted the conversation on a different topic hoping that Kole
wouldn’t ask why I stopped painting. “I was born in California. San Francisco. I
moved more out in the country side of California after my parents divorced and
lived with my mother. I have one brother, Jake. He lives in New York City with his
wife, Stephañia. My dad still lives in San Francisco. All of my mother’s relatives
have either died or moved back to Spain.”
“Oh so you’re Spaniard?” Kole still had his arm around me, but it seemed it
had gotten from my shoulders to a little higher than my elbow while I spoke.
“Only half. My mother is from Spain and my father from, well, here. The
United States, I mean.” My fingers were fiddling with my shirt, tightening the
fabric of my shirt around and around my skin.
“So do you speak Spaniard?” his question made me want to hold back a
laugh.
“It’s Spanish you dimwit.” Elizabeth spoke for the first time making her
presence know. She was sitting in the backseat of the car—the door was open and
all I could see were her legs.
“Oh yes, sorry, Spanish. Do you speak Spanish?”
“Yes, though, I only spoke it with my mother.” I answered feeling my heart
ache as I spoke about her. I glanced over at Aiden—from the three he was the only
one who knew about my mother’s death—and saw him just as he looked up to see
me. His expression showed that he knew it pained me to talk about my mother. I
gave him a small smile to tell him not to worry. After giving an understanding
smile back to me, he turned his eyes away. Kole now had his hand on my waist
and was gripping it some what tightly. When my mind finally processed that, my
heart began to race again and I felt myself getting hotter by the second. Soon
enough sweat would be running down my face; my hands were already getting
damp. I was saved by the bell. The three of us left the car and began walking back
towards the school. This time, Kole was the one in front and I lagged behind with
Aiden.
“See ya later!” Kole waved goodbye and took off in a different direction
from Aiden and me.
Aiden seemed less tense in class than yesterday. We had little
conversations, but nothing like the first day of school. And then class was over and
I was heading off to P.E.

50
 “Alright, ladies, gather ‘round. Today we’re playing some soccer with the
boy’s gym class. Girls against boys. Let’s kick some boy butt!” Ms. Anderson, the
gym class teacher, announced. Some of the girls were happy to have a chance to
beat the boys, others were happy to be around them and were already talking about
which boys were the cutest, hottest, stronger, faster, and all that jazz. I was
actually pretty good at soccer, though I never tried out for the team back home,
and I was excited to get to play and take my mind off things.
Soon enough, all the girls got on the field where the boys were already set
to play. The whistle blew and the game started. A few girls ran for the ball, but
most of them then stopped to watch the boys in all their glory. Some boys had their
shirts off—it was a bit cold outside but running had made everyone’s body heat
rise-that was enough to keep some of the girls from focusing on the game. I stole
the ball from one of the “hot shot” boys who was trying to show off for the girls.
When I kicked the ball right out from in between his legs, he stood there stunned
for a bit. I passed all the boys easily and I only had about three girls actually
playing. I passed the ball to the girl on my left; she then passed it the girl on my
right, who then passed the ball back to me right when I was in position to make the
goal. I kicked the ball and it floated right passed the goalie. The two girls and I
cheered giving each other friendly excited hugs.
“Nice going Catalina! That was great!” One of the girls told me.
“Melanie that pass was just in time too! No wonder you’re the soccer super
star!” the girl who complimented me now complimented the girl, Melanie, who
had passed the ball back to me to make the goal.
“Thanks, but I’m no soccer star, Rachel. Don’t exaggerate.” Melanie
laughed and then the two were off to retrieve the ball from the boys. I stayed
behind just in case Rachel or Melanie needed to pass the ball back my way. Both
of them were great soccer players and Melanie—although denied it—was a soccer
super star. Or, at least that’s what I saw.
“So you actually play soccer and don’t just look at the guys?” I quickly
turned my head to see…
“Abe! Oh, wow, hey!” Abe also had his shirt off and he wasn’t a sight not
worth looking at. He was clearly muscular and fit. His skin wasn’t the illuminate
fair color like Aiden’s or Kole’s, but it was a nice medium between tan and white.
“Hey, so we’re still on for lunch right?” He asked just reassuring.
“Yeah, of course.” I grinned shyly. Abe was attractive and, with his shirt off
and his chest heaving up and down, I suddenly felt so nervous by his side.
“Catalina!” I heard Rachel yell my name and looked up just in time too see
her kick the ball my way. I eyed Abe to see he was ready to steal the ball away
from me, but I wasn’t about to let the happen. I caught the ball with my foot and
then began to run towards the goal with Abe right behind me. There were a few
times when my arm and hand brushed against his bare chest as I tried my best to
keep away from. He tried to steal the ball away from me, but, in the end, I made
the goal anyway. After doing so, I glanced back at him, my chest rising and falling

51
rapidly with each breath, and I gave him a triumphant smirk. He smiled back
shaking his head as he tried to catch his breath.
The game ended with the boys winning by just one goal, which Abe made.
The rest of the girls from my gym class were saying their goodbye’s to the boys in
a flirtatious way while Rachel, Melanie, and I were congratulating each other on
the game.
“Catalina, you should join the soccer team!” Rachel linked her arm with
mine was we walked off the field—her other arm was linked with Melanie’s.
“Oh, I don’t know, Rachel.” I wasn’t in the best shape since I let myself get
weak during my depression. “I’m not in good shape right now. I’d get tired easily.”
“But you can get back into shape! It’ll be easy, you’ll see. Don’t you think
she should join the soccer team, Melanie?” Rachel turned her head to face
Melanie, her short dirty blonde hair swayed with the movement.
“Totally! Were you on the soccer team at your old school?” Melanie probed
gazing at me with her green eyes.
“No, actually. I just played for recreation, ya know? I never thought I was
good enough for the team.” I admitted. The three of us had reached the girls locker
room by now.
“Well, you’re magnificent. Get yourself back into shape so you can try out.
Soccer season is coming up soon so get to it girl!” Melanie’s enthusiasm was hard
not to catch, the same with Rachel.
“Alright, I’ll try out.” I gave in with a smile and tried to match Rachel’s and
Melanie’s cheer.
“That’s great!” they both yelled.
“We’ll see ya around then, Catalina.” Rachel called as I made my way to
my own locker. I found that I couldn’t stop smiling even after I had left Rachel and
Melanie to wait under the tree for Abe. When Abe walked up to stand by me, I still
had the biggest smile.
“So, gym went well I take even though we kicked your girly butt?” Abe
now wore the triumphant smirk I had given him when I made the goal.
“Yes, it did. We’re not sore losers.” I laughed. “Hey, how about we take my
car to lunch. My legs hurt from all the running. I don’t feel like walking.” Abe
agreed with me and then we were walking off toward the car.
The last two periods went by quickly. I was relieved when the bell rang
announcing the end of U.S. history. My mind was packed enough even without all
the notes I had to now know for the test on Friday. Mr. Fisher had told me that I
had to learn the notes just like everyone else because he had only started giving
them out last Friday and I should be able to get it all down in three days. Right, get
the civil war down. Not likely. Now, as I walked to my car, both my mind and legs
were sore. A nice hot bath seemed very relaxing. I decided to hurry my pace so
that I could get home sooner and take that bath. I sighed just as I reached my car
and leaned my arm against it so that I could rest my head on the make shift pillow
my arm provided.

52
 I felt exhausted for some reason. Perhaps all the running in gym class had
finally caught up to me. “Gosh, Catalina, you need to start running more.” I said to
myself in a sigh.
“So is speaking to yourself in the third person a hobby too?” I inhaled and
quickly turned to face Kole. Once again he was only inches from me.
“Kole,” I exhaled deeply. “You scared me.” I put my hand over my racing
heart.
“I’m sorry; I just wanted to ask if you wanted me to help you with the
whole singing and reading music thing today.” His arm came forward and his hand
rest on the top of the car; he inched closer.
“Oh, right sure. That’d be great. The-the sooner the better right?” His scent
made it hard for me to focus.
“That’s what I was thinking. I’m glad you were thinking that too because
I’m gonna have to ride with you to your house. I already told Aiden to go home
without me.” he tried giving me an innocent look.
“Well, we’d better get going then.” He nodded and then pulled away from
me to walk to the passenger’s side. Once in the car, Kole’s scent stayed
quarantined in my car and traveled around the small space. Every time I took a
breath, his scent was strong in my nose and I wondered if I should’ve let Kole
drive instead since inhaling his scent mixed my mind up.
“So, who do you live with?” He seemed to be trying to make any talk—
silence must feel awkward to him.
“My aunt. Well, she’s actually my father’s step aunt. If that makes sense.”
He nodded staring out the window. It was only shortly after that when we arrived
at Claudia’s house.
“Is your aunt home?” He asked as I killed the engine. I shook my head.
“No, she’ll be at work for another two hours or so.”
“Hmm…” I began to get out of the car as did Kole. Once in the house, I
hung my keys up and then went to the kitchen to find something I could offer
Kole.
“Are you thirsty or hungry?” I called out thinking he was still at the front
door or in the living room.
“Not at all.” his spoke in a whisper next to my ear with his arms sliding
around my waist. “So, then,” I straighten into his chest. “We’re completely
alone?” My heart began to pound louder and louder in my ears. I tried to keep my
breathing at a steady rate but failed at that.
“Uh…y-yes.” I squeaked out.
“Hmm…” his arms wrapped around my body and then his lips went from
beside my ear down to my neck. I never expected that this teaching lesson would
be maybe more than just teaching.

Chapter Five: Secrets

53
 Part of my mind was going insane with his scent so near and his lips so
soft on my neck. The better part of me was screaming ‘no, way too fast.’ And,
although, Kole was so appealing, I had to agree with the screaming side of me. I
had only known Kole for a day or two. If he wanted anything to do with me, it’d
have to start off with a friendship first.
“N-no,” I pulled away from his arms and leaned against the closed
refrigerator door. “I’m sorry; this is just…way too fast. I don’t even know you that
well. I don’t know if we’re even friends yet.” My gaze was focused on the floor.
Kole didn’t say anything. He just stood there with his arms still stretched
out and his hands lightly touching my waist. I decided that taking one glance at
him to see his expression wouldn’t be so bad. I blinked my eyes up to him and saw
him with a smirk upon his lips and his eyes soft and tender gazing at me. I was
instantly trapped in the sapphires of his eyes. My hand gripped the handle of the
refrigerator door to keep myself from falling. I wondered what to do. I didn’t
know whether I should move away or wait for him to say something. I was just
trapped.
Finally, he sighed and let his hands fall from my waist.
“You have a point. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help myself. That was a stupid
thing to do. You deserve more respect than that.” My eyes got wide. Damn. I
didn’t want to make him feel like this.
“No, no it’s okay. Uhm…why…why don’t we just uh, start the tutoring?
I’m a slow learner, so the sooner we start the better.” I took small side steps away
from the refrigerator and Kole until I was free and there was no possible way for
me to be trapped again.
Kole stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans and began walking towards
me. “You suck that bad?” he joked. I exhaled, deeply grateful that it seemed like
everything was back to normal.
“I’d say so.” I chuckled and gave him a small smile. “Well,” I clasped my
hands together. “How about we go into the living room and we can go over all this
music stuff?” he smiled back and nodded.
Kole was a great teacher, but I was a poor student. I was also shy. He would
tell me to sing a note he had just taught me, but I was too timid and afraid I as bad.
He had an amazing voice and I didn’t want to make a fool of myself by singing out
of tune.
“Look, I won’t laugh or make any faces if you get it wrong, I’m not like
that. I’ll give you constructive criticism. Okay? Now, listen to the way I sing this
and then repeat it.” His voice was amazing; I didn’t want to sing after he just
showed off how great of a singer he was. “Come on, your turn.”
I was extremely nervous. My stomach began to twist, my hands started
getting damp; I felt my face get hot. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, exhaled,
and then sang. It was only a few seconds long, but it felt like an eternity to me.
When I finished, Kole didn’t say anything. God, I’m awful.

54
 “Uh, gosh, say something, Kole. I know I’m bad. Damn, I told you I was.” I
was rubbing my hands together anxiously. Silence was worse than getting
criticized. Kole remained motionless; I didn’t dare look at his face. With the
silence increasing, I decided it’d be good to end the teaching lesson. I began to
gather the sheets of music.
“That was…” I turned to Kole when I heard him speak and prepared myself
for the worst. “Uh, how could you say you were bad? That was fantastic! Can’t
you hear yourself when you sing?” I stared at him unbelieving.
“I thought you were gonna give me ‘constructive criticism’. Ugh.” I felt
angry with him for lying to me. I could take criticism, but when someone lies just
to be ‘nice’ it makes me so frustrated.
“Catalina, I wasn’t—”
“Just don’t say anything.” I gathered the music sheets untidily too frustrated
to put them in order. My hands, then, started shaking making it that much harder to
get the sheets of music.
“Catalina, will you just listen.” His hand came down on mine stopping me
from trying to grab the music. I turned to face him with frustration clear in my
expression. “I said I was going to give you constructive criticism, but only if you
were bad. Catalina, you weren’t bad at all. Seriously.” He didn’t sound like he was
lying, so I gave in.
“Fine.” I replied.
“Okay, well, I’d say your only problem is that you can’t read music, but
other than that, you should just sing. Listen to the people around you, I’d suggest
listening to me, and mimic the notes they sing. Okay?” I nodded.
“Uhm I’m sorry I thought you were lying.”
“It’s alright. Don’t be afraid to admit that you’re a great singer, don’t be
modest.” He gave my hand a squeeze; I slowly pulled it from underneath his.
“Okay, well, thanks for trying to teach me how to read music, that’s going
to be a long process.”
“You’re welcome. I’m a patient person and it also means I’ll be able to
spend more time with you.” He smiled and winked at me, which made my cheeks
feel hot and turn a light red. “Do you wanna keep the lesson going?” If that meant
more time with Kole then…
“Yeah! Uh, I mean, yes, that’d be nice.” We, then, went back to my lesson
on reading music.
We spent the next two hours in the living room as Kole tried to help me
understand how to read the notes on the sheets of music. In two hours we made
only a little progress, but it was better than nothing. I had learned how to read and
then sing the right pitch of only three notes. I felt bad for Kole because he was
going to have to put up with my slow learning for a while. Who knew until when
his patience would last?
“I think that’s enough for your brain to absorb in one day, don’t you?” Kole
and I had already begun to gather and organize the sheets of music.

55
 “Oh yes. It’s only a little but the civil war had already taken up most of the
space.” I chuckled lightly.
“The civil war? Well, through all that away so we can fill you head with
music.” He looked like the spokesperson for reading music. It made me laugh.
“Uhm, should you call Aiden to pick you up or would you like me to give
you a ride home?”
“Would you mind? It’s quite a ways from here, pretty much on the other
side of town.” I shook my head answering his question.
“Let me just write a note to my aunt and then I’ll take you over there.” He
nodded and I took off to find a piece of paper and a pen.
Just as I began to write the letter, Claudia stepped through the front door.
“Hello? Catalina, you home?” I walked into her view. “Oh, hi, sweetie how
was school?” she took off her coat and hung that and her keys.
“It was good. You came just in time. I’m going to take one of my friends
home. He came over to help me with some choir stuff. You don’t mind, do you?”
“Mind what, dear?” We began walking toward the kitchen.
“If I take him home, and well, now that I think about it, the fact that he
came over.” I rested my hands on the table.
“Oh no, on both subjects.” She smiled. “So, who is this boy?” her eye brow
rose with curiosity. At that moment, Kole stepped into the kitchen for Claudia to
see. Her smile immediately turned into a frown, no it was more like a sneer.
“Hello, Claudia, how are you this fine evening?” Kole was polite despite
Claudia’s look.
“Quite fine, Kole.” Claudia forced out. Wait, she knew Kole already?
“You met her already?” I asked Kole facing him with confusion.
“It’s a small town, everyone mostly knows everyone here and Claudia
knows my parents, so to say.” Kole answered my question, but the words seemed
to annoy Claudia.
“Yeah, what he said.” She then turned her back to us. “Best get him home,
Catalina, it’s getting late.”
“Uh, yeah, that’s true. Alright, I’ll be back in a bit then.” Her back was still
turned to me but she nodded.
Kole and I left the kitchen before the tension in there rose anymore.
Something about Kole bothered Claudia and I didn’t want to cause any arguments
between them. I quickly grabbed my keys, cell phone and coat.
“Did you get your music?” I asked Kole at the front door as I put my coat
on. It was amazing how cold it could get here. I was just so use to the warmth of
California.
“Yep.” He answered patting his pocket where the rolled up music sheets
were sticking out.
“Alright let’s go then.”
The drive was silent. There was so much going through my mind I couldn’t
think straight. Kole and Claudia obviously knew each other, but I didn’t feel like it

56
was on good terms. When I first spoke about Kole and Aiden yesterday, Claudia
had told me to stay away. I didn’t know that she actually knew them, although that
should have been clear by what she had told me just last night. It was going to be
hard to have Kole tutoring me after school if my aunt didn’t want him around.
Well, she didn’t exactly say that, but she sure gave off that vibe.
“I’m sorry for the way my aunt acted around you.” I finally said breaking
that silence that was initiated after Kole gave me his address to put in the GPS. He
had been staring out the window ever since we left the house, but now he
redirected his gaze to me.
“It’s alright. She was polite.” He replied warily and then turned back to the
window.
I wanted to ask him more questions, but figured I shouldn’t bug him with
my curiosity. I’d rather ask Claudia, herself, what it was about them that she didn’t
like, assuming that she didn’t like them.
“Well, this is me.” Kole announced when we arrived at the gates of an
incredible house. “Push that button there, it’ll open the gates.” I did as he said and
then pulled into the driveway—if that was even the proper word for it. I stopped
right at the front of the enormous house.
“Wow.” I coughed out when I had finally caught my breath. “What do your
parents do for a living?” I probed amazed at the elegance and size of the house.
“Uh, Jane, Aiden’s mom, is in fashion and Charles, dad, is a lawyer.” I
stared at Kole.
“A lawyer? Wow, he must be really, really, good. My father is a lawyer but
he doesn’t own a house like this.” I still tried to see the entire house from inside
the car.
“Uhm…family inheritance helps too.” He added quickly. “Lawyers, also.” I
nodded understanding. “I should get inside. Thanks for driving me. I’ll see you
tomorrow at school.” He got out of the car and crouched by the open door to look
in at me.
“No problem. See you. Bye.” He smiled, closed the door, and walked away.
I drove away slowly to admire the house as I did.
*
When I had gotten home that night, Claudia told me, in the nicest way,
that she didn’t want Kole, Aiden, or Elizabeth over at the house. I asked her why,
but she excused herself stating that she had some business to attend to.
I told Kole about it the next day and he suggested that I’d go over to his
house for tutoring. I agreed.
Rachel and Melanie invited me to lunch with them during gym class. Abe
was bummed but he seemed pleased that I was making girlfriends and that I
wasn’t going with Kole or Aiden.
The days went by quickly and before I knew it, the weekend had come
and I still had yet to come up with some lie to tell Claudia—me + Kole’s house =
angry Claudia.

57
 “How was work?” I asked Claudia as we sat down to eat the dinner I had
made.
“It was good. How was your day?”
“Good.”
“Hmm.” We ate in silence with only the clatter of the silverware against
the plates as sound. My lie still wasn’t perfected but I needed to get it over and
done with.
“Uhm, Claudia, I was wondering if it was okay if I stayed after school for
a few hours everyday. There’s this afterschool painting class and I wanted to join
it.” That wasn’t too much of a lie; there was an afterschool painting class.
Claudia chewed her food before she answered, but, by her expression, it
seemed as though my lie had worked. “You like painting?” she probed. I nodded
excitedly.
“Oh yes. I love it.”My lips formed a huge grin showing my enthusiasm.
“Well, I don’t mind. Just make sure to bring back some paintings. We
could hang them up here.” I swallowed a big chunk of my food and almost
choked on it.
“Uh, yeah, sure I’ll bring some back when I can.” Damn. I mentally
slapped myself. I’d have to some how paint at Kole’s house so that my lie held
up. “Claudia, do you mind if I go to the store and buy some paints and stuff? I
want to get that for afterschool tomorrow.” Claudia smiled finishing the food on
her plate.
“Oh, sure, you should get going before they close.” A few short minutes
later I had said goodbye to Claudia and was out the door.
Not all of what I told Claudia was a lie. Actually, it was the truth, but I left
one thing out: I was going to see Kole. I had to tell him about my new plan to
cover my lie. After going to the store quickly to grab a few items, I drove to
Kole’s.
“Kole, its Catalina, I’d like to talk to you.” I spoke into the intercom at the
front door.
“I’ll be right out.” His voice rang out from the intercom. It didn’t take him
long to get to the front door and let me in. The inside of his house could be
described in one word: astonishing! As we walked to his room, my head kept
turning, changing direction from up to down to side to side; there was just so
much to take in.
“So, where are your parents?” I asked out of curiosity.
“Oh, they’re out having a dinner party at a friend’s house.” He answered
grabbing my arm to pull me along since my footsteps were slowing as I looked at
the many items along the way.
“They won’t mind that I’m here?” I questioned remembering how
bothered Claudia was because I had brought Kole with out her knowing. He
waved my question off with a swift motion of his hand.

58
 “No, they’ll be okay with it. That’s even if they get home while you’re
still here. Those parties last for hours and hours. You don’t plan on staying the
night, do you?” His inquiry caught me by surprise.
I shook my head many more times than needed. “Oh, no! Of course not.”
My eyebrows scrunched together as I tried to find the words to neutralize what I
had just said. “I mean, no, I do need to get home soon. Claudia thinks I went to
the store to by some paint supplies.” Saying that made me remember the reason
for my visit.
“Paint supplies, you’re gonna start painting again?” He probed. We, now,
stood in front of a closed door. “Do you mind coming in my room?” My eyes
shifted from the door to his face. Once again, I shook my head quickly; my throat
seemed to dry and I couldn’t find my voice. He grabbed hold of my hand and led
me in. His room was twice the size of mine and much more decorated—three
days in Portland wasn’t enough time to get a room fully decorated. The room was
decorated in an Irish style and it made me wonder if he was Irish. He did have
the bright red hair, porcelain skin, and amazing blue eyes, but then again I could
have just been stereotyping him. I wanted to ask to make sure.
“Yeah, I’m going to start painting. Uhm, sorry for asking, but, are you
Irish?” my voice was low and unsure. Kole chuckled lightly.
“Is it all the Irish things in here that give that away?” He chuckled once
more moving towards a black leather couch he had opposite of his television and
sat down.
“Uhm…yes, I didn’t want to just assume, that’s why I asked.” Although
he was already comfortable sitting down on the couch and I was getting tired of
standing, I didn’t want to be rude and sit down with out being asked.
“You assumed right, though. I am Irish. So, are you going to stand there
forever or come sit down by me?” he patted the space next to him. It was hard for
my eyes to focus in one place as I walked attentively toward him. In the past
three days I learned one thing for certain: being that close to Kole made it hard to
breathe, think, or speak.
I sat down leaving enough room for at least one other person to squeeze in
and sit down. Kole didn’t seem to like the idea of having space between us; he
inched closer and wrapped his arm around my shoulders letting it hang loosely.
“You said you needed to talk to me about something, didn’t you? Or was
that just an excuse so you could come in and see me?” Breathing started
becoming a problem and I almost forgot how to speak.
“Oh, no, I mean, yes.” He moved toward me one more inch. “Wait, no I-I
came to,” One more inch closer, “well I did want to talk to you about
something,” Another inch closer, “so I’d have to see you, right? Uh…” there was
no space between us now; my whole left side was touching his right side. His
body felt freezing against my skin it made me inhale quickly.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help my body temperature right now.” His voice sent
tingles down my spine as he spoke next to my ear.

59
 “T-that’s okay.” I could only just breathe out the words. Stop being so
foolish, I told myself, you came here to tell him something. Now tell him! I
mentally nodded to myself and then took a deep breath ready to speak. “Uhm,
Aiden,” I made a huge mistaken then: I looked into his eyes. I was immediately
trapped. Hours, days, weeks, months, could have passed but all that would have
mattered to me would be those eyes—those dark, sapphire eyes. I was
mesmerized, unable to move or speak, and time passed—even if it was only mere
seconds that did.
“So, what did you have to tell me?” Kole questioned seemingly knowing
that I would not be able to answer; he was right. I felt like I was going to faint into
his arms if his scent kept making my mind disoriented. Get a grip, Catalina! I
forced myself to blink and look away from his hypnotizing eyes.
“Uhm, I lied to Claudia saying that I was going to join an afterschool
painting class.” My head was turned away from his and I wondered if my voice
was even loud enough for him to hear—I couldn’t even hear myself. “I told her
that so I could come here afterschool because I knew she wouldn’t approve. Uh,
what I’m trying to say, or ask would be better, if it’d be alright that I paint just a
few canvas’ here? Claudia said she wanted me to bring some home and if I don’t
she’ll know I’m lying.” I felt extremely relieved when Kole moved away from me
and let fresh air clear my head.
“Oh, it’s alright. I have no problem. Can you multitask?” my head nodded
lightly answering his question.
“Well, I should get home. The paint store must have closed by now and
Claudia might be wondering where I am.” We both stood from the couch and he
walked me out of his room and down the stairs to the front door.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He asked only to confirm.
“Yes, of course. See you tomorrow at school then.” We both smiled and
then I was out the door and in my car leaving the amazing house.
*
This was my first Monday at the school, the start of my first actual week
and I was going to be late.
Claudia had woken me up but I fell back to sleep in just minutes and she
didn’t come back to wake me up again. When I finally opened my eyes I tried to
focus my blurry sight to read the time on the clock. At first I saw 6:50 a.m. and
then once my eye sight cleared that numbers shifted to 8:58 a.m.
I practically jumped out of bed, took the quickest shower, threw some
clothes on, grabbed my keys and ran out of the house. As I drove to school, I
realized how messy I looked. In the rush of getting ready, I had merely ran the
brush through my wet hair and smeared on only a little makeup. Still, I had bags
underneath my eyes making it obvious that I was tired.
9:25 a.m. that’s when I arrived at school. I was practically half an hour late
to second period. I ran into the class room right in the middle of a song. The
singing stopped when I stepped in and I wished, at that moment, that I was

60
invisible. Mrs. Rhodes turned to me from the center of the class room with anger
clearly showing on her face.
“Well, thank you for deciding to show, Catalina.” Sarcasm was heavy in her
voice.
“I’m sorry, I oversl—”
“Just sit down.” As I passed her I could have sworn she cursed my name,
but I couldn’t be sure, I was just focus on getting to my seat next to Kole without
meeting with the many stares directed towards me.
Mrs. Rhodes started directed the class to sing before I even reached my
seat; she must have been in a very impatient mood. Only a few minutes after we
had begun singing, the phone rang. Mrs. Rhodes sighed angrily and then strode
over to her desk to answer the phone.
“Hello?” her voice had an irritated tone.
“So, you overslept?” Aiden’s voice redirected my focus over to him. I
nodded as an answer to his question. “I thought so. You’re singing more
confidently, but not nearly loud enough.”
“I’m a timid person. I fear criticism.” His eyes searched my face and then
his fingers ran down my cheek, which made me forget how to breathe. In and out,
okay I think I remember now.
“You look very tired.” His voice was like fire, it scorched me from the
inside out.
“I am, uhm, tired even though I overslept. I just feel exhausted.” He gave
me a small smile—the fire, it melted me.
“Alright, class, let’s get back to the song.” Mrs. Rhodes tapped her baton
thrice to the music to get the attention and focus from the students.
The class ended more quickly than last week, probably because I missed the
first half hour of the period. Kole dazzled me once more before he left the class
room and I stared after him in awe.
“I just don’t get it.” I turned sharply to see who had spoken. Tanya stood
there with her hand on her hip and an annoyed expression was worn on her face.
“What’s so great about you?” she gestured towards me moving her had up and
down. “You’re just this suicidal, non fashionable, boring girl. What does he find in
you? Especially today, your hair is so dull, with no make up on except the pathetic
smear of eyeliner, and you look tired with dark bags underneath your eyes. And,
yet, he talks to you with passion clear in his voice and touches you like…like, ugh,
why you? Huh? Why?” Her eyes scrutinized my face, her lips were pursed, her
arms were crossed, and there she stood waiting for me to answer as if I had an
answer.
“I…I can’t answer your questions since I don’t even know why. I’m sorry,
but I need to go.” I turned to leave, but right as I did, she grabbed me by the elbow
preventing me from leaving.
“What are you doing with him?” her question confused me.

61
 “What do you mean?” Her eyes narrowed and the grip around my arm
became tighter.
“Don’t play innocent with me.” When she saw that my confused expression
had not changed, she decided to further explain her question. “Okay…maybe
you’ll understand this way. What are you doing to him?” Her eyebrow rose and
she finally let go of my arm to cross her arms and stare back at me.
It took me a moment to figure out what she was talking about and then my
jaw fell open.
“You can’t be serious?” She merely stared back at me as if that would
answer my question. “I-I’m not doing anything to him! I’m not that kind of girl.
Ugh! I can’t believe you!” Her expression didn’t falter and it made me sick to
think that she didn’t believe me. “You’re sick.” I told her turning right afterwards
so I could leave once and for all.
“Or you’re just lying.” she made this come out in a cough. I was, now,
extremely annoyed with this girl.
“Not all of us are like you.” I spat back after I turned back around to face
her. She cursed and then her right hand smacked me across left cheek. The sound
was loud and made the few people left in the class room stare at us. How could she
insult me in that way? How could she think I’d sink so low just be with Kole?
Jealousy, a voice rang in my head. Angry as I was, I didn’t hit her back, I simply
thought about how badly I wanted prove her wrong to make her see how
ridiculous that implication was.
Her face was furious and I was calm—I didn’t like violence so I wasn’t
about to start a fight. “I don’t have time for this. I’m going to be late.” I finally
said and then left without another look back towards her.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what Tanya said as I sat in my English class.
Did she say that just to get to me because I didn’t clearly answer why Kole seems
to interact with me more than other girls? What more did she want me to say if I
didn’t even know why? Aiden seemed to be talking less and less to me and I
wondered why. Why was Kole so talkative, sweet, and friendly while Aiden
remained silent in class and hardly gave me a second look? And then another
question came into mind: What was so wrong about Aiden, his sister, and Kole
that made Claudia hate them—she hadn’t exactly said that, but I figured there was
some hostility.
I was so lost in my own questions that I could hardly hold up a
conversation with Kole during break. Aiden didn’t speak to me during fourth
period thus it gave me more time to ponder. I mostly stood out in the field during
gym when I should have been playing soccer helping Rachel and Melanie with
passes and goals. And then it was lunch time.
“Hey, I didn’t see you in chem., were you late?” Abe’s voice sounded faint
in my head as we stood waiting in line to order our food. “Cat? Catalina? You in
there?” his hand waved in front of my face. My eyes darted from left to right
trying to get oriented.

62
 “Huh? What?” I must have sounded incredibly slow.
“Were you late today?” He repeated the question. I nodded.
“Oh, yeah, I overslept.” I stated quickly and then went back to pondering.
He seemed to catch on that I wasn’t in the mood for chit chatter because he didn’t
try to bring up another conversation.
After lunch, sixth and seventh period went by in a blur. Before I knew it, I
was sitting down on Kole’s couch waiting for my singing lesson to begin. Kole
was moving about his room doing I don’t know what. Elizabeth came in at one
point to announce to Kole that their parents would be home shortly she looked
towards me and then I heard in my head: ‘What are you doing here?” It was her
voice; at least, it sounded like it, or my mind was playing tricks on me. I couldn’t
concentrate when Kole began the lesson. I was in and out of focus; Kole took
notice of this.
“Is there something on your mind?” He sat down next to me on the couch
setting the music aside. I didn’t turn to him, but I nodded knowing that this would
be a sufficient answer. “Well, may I ask what it is?” I nodded once more. “Then,
what’s on your mind?” He was silently waiting for my answer, but I didn’t know
what to tell him first. Perhaps in chronological order would be best, I thought.
“Well, after you left choir, Tanya confronted me. She asked what was so
great about me that you actually talk ‘passionately’ to me and touch me.” My
forehead was creased as I furrowed my eyebrows recalling her question.
“And what did you answer her?” I turned my head to lock myself in his
gaze. Unlike other times when I would look into his eyes and be hypnotized by
them, this time I felt free enough to admire his eyes but still remain in the same
emotional state to where I stared back at him puzzled.
“I said I couldn’t answer her question because even I didn’t know why.” He
pulled his eyebrows together and seemed as if he were about to say something, but
I wanted to continue before he did. “I began to think about Aiden during third
period.” I decided to skip right over that part where Tanya asked what I was doing
to him, that wasn’t something I wanted to bring up.
“What about him?”
“He…ignores me. I mean, from what I’ve heard, he’s like that to everyone,
well except you and Elizabeth, of course, but he use to talk to me and now…he
doesn’t. Did I do something to him? Say something that maybe offended or upset
him?” I was still facing Kole, studying his expression to see if it gave away any
answers, but it didn’t. “Thinking about you and Aiden made me wonder why
Claudia is so hostile towards you. Just mentioning your name brings tension in the
air. What is it about you that makes her angry? Is it even you? Could it be a grudge
with your parents? And why are you three some what anti social? You keep to
yourselves and, I’ve heard, reject every girl—or boy in Elizabeth’s case—that tries
to be with you. Why? I mean you’re just not allowed to date, but, still, why do you
talk to me? Why did you let me into your little group? Is it because I’m the new

63
girl? I just don’t get it.” Kole’s expression was unruffled and then he leaned in
closer to me; his eyes began to hypnotize me.
“You’re different than the other girls. It’s like you are pure and beautiful
like nature. You’re natural; you don’t try to be something you’re not. You’re
mother died, you wanted to die, and you father disowned you.”
“I didn’t tell—”
“Word gets around quickly in high school, but don’t change the subject.”
He let his hands rest on my cheeks and stroked my lips with his thumb. “You’re
like a breath of fresh air. You’re something new to taste, something deliciously
new.” The last words were only said in a low whisper and then…his lips came
down on mine. He took my breath away once those icy lips smashed against mine.
I didn’t know how to respond; I was frozen. Kole obviously knew what he was
doing; he held my head in place with one hand and let the other one slide down
my arm. His lips moved across my unknowing own. Ice cold lips, but there was
fire: hot, scorching, and melting.
Breathing, how did I do that again? Out and out? In? Out? In and out?
Yeah, that sounded about right. I breathed in making my chest heave out and press
against Kole’s massive chest. My own body reacted to the scent that came with the
air and the feel of his chest against my own. My arm reached out to find his neck
and then my hands locked and I pulled my body closer to his. Kole mimicked my
own actions. His lips moved from my lips to my cheek where he pressed a kiss.
My eyes were next and then my forehead and then back down to my eyes, cheeks,
and finally lips. His fingers were running down my neck, shoulders, and arms, icy
fingertips that sent a shiver through my whole body.
“Why…are you always…so cold?” I questioned in between kisses. His
other hand returned to my head and got tangled in my hair forcing my head to
move the way he wanted.
“It’s because you’re body hasn’t warmed me.” He gasped moving one hand
to the small of my back to push me closer still. “Warm me, Catalina. Let me feel
your warmth against my cold skin.” His other hand fell from my hair to my waist
and then both is hands began to find the end of my shirt. I didn’t realize what he
was doing until I felt his icy fingertips on my stomach as he started pulling my
shirt up.
I immediately broke away from the kiss and dropped my hands to pull my
shirt back down. His hands were underneath mine, but still inside my shirt. He
stared into my worried eyes for only a few seconds and then removed his hands
from underneath my shirt.
“I’m sorry, Catalina. I got carried away.” his apology sounded sincere, but I
didn’t know what to say. It’s okay? But it wasn’t okay that couldn’t be the right
thing to say. Don’t ever do that again? No, that was too rude.
“I…uhm…accept your apology. We both got a little carried away.” that
seemed like the best thing to say.

64
 Kole’s expression smoothed and his hand slowly reached for my own; I
accepted it. We sat there for only a few seconds, with my head leaned against his
shoulders and his chin resting on top of my head. A knock at his door separated us.
“Come in.” he announced after scooting away from me a few inches.
Elizabeth stepped slightly in.
“Mother and father are home.” Once more she glanced towards me—no
voices were in my head this time
“Alright, tell them I’ll be right down.” Elizabeth nodded and then left.
Worried that my presence here might upset their parents, I began to feel a bit hot
and my hands fidgeted with my shirt. Kole’s hand came down on both my hands to
stop them from shaking. His cold skin lowered my body temperature but sent my
heart pounding from his touch.
“It’s alright. They won’t mind that you’re here, but I think it’s about time
that you’re ‘painting class’ ends anyway, right?” He smiled brightly. I nodded.
When we walked down the stairs, his parents weren’t there—thank god.
The idea of meeting the two people who made Elizabeth and Aiden made me feel
nervous—surely they’d be just as beautiful and I’d sound stupid in front of them.
“Well, we didn’t get much done today.” I laughed once we had reached the
door and stepped out side.
“We didn’t get much singing done, but we did get something else done.”
His lips pulled up towards one side in a smirk. He grabbed my chin with hand and
pushed it upwards. “Our little secret?” his voice was only a whisper. I nodded as
much as I could and then he let go of my chin. I felt a little disappointed that he
didn’t kiss me that my lips formed a frown.
“I should…uh…get going.” I began walking toward my car with Kole right
behind me. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” I was, now, in my car with the key
in the ignition but not yet turned.
“As always.” He stuck his head in the car and pressed his lips on mine.
“Take care.” nothing more was said. He stepped away from the car, I turned the
key to start the car, and then I drove off.
As I drove back to the house, I began to think about everything. Only one
of my questioned had been answered today and the rest still remained unanswered.
Not only that, but now there were secrets. Lessons with Kole, was a secret,
kissing Kole is a new secret, now. Claudia’s reason for disliking Kole and the
Lexington’s that was a secret, too. Aiden’s reason for not talking to me could that
be a secret? And what about the reason behind Kole, Elizabeth, and Aiden’s
antisocial attitude towards the other students, was that a secret? I didn’t know if
they were secrets or just unanswered questions.
‘Our little secret.’ His voice echoed in my head.
“Kole…you’re my little secret.”

65
 Chapter Six: Burn Too Brightly
Good morning, Catalina.” Kole’s voice was smooth, as always, as was his
icy hand as it slid down my left arm.
I was crouched by the driver’s seat of my car reaching out to the
passenger’s side for my backpack when Kole came up behind me. It was already
the middle of the week, Wednesday, and Kole had made the habit of coming to
greet me every morning—only Kole.
“Morning, Kole.” I tried my best not to tremble underneath his touch.
“How’re Aiden and Elizabeth this morning?” Kole had taken his hand away from
my arm—any longer and I would’ve melted—and as now leaning against the rear
end of the car.
“They’re doing fine. Elizabeth is in her own little world of fashion and
Aiden is in his…well, he’s Aiden: quiet, pondering, and trying his best to be
invisible.” As Kole said this casually, my gaze had wondered off to the parked
Mercedes Benz where Aiden stood with his arms folded on top of the car. His head
was rested on his arm as he stared off to who knows where. I felt my eyebrows
pull together as I tried to figure him out to no avail. “Yeah, he seems to be
annoyed by me.” Kole chuckled lightly. “And a little annoyed with…you.”
I jerked my eyes away from Aiden. “Me? Why me? I haven’t even been
saying much too him. Only when necessary like in class.” I felt incredibly
offended that Aiden was a little annoyed by me? What the hell did I ever do to
him?
“Well, sounds like that was the bell. We should start heading for class.” He
completely ignored my question.
I sighed, becoming a bit irritated, and then followed Kole out of the parking
lot.
All through class I couldn’t concentrate. My eyes kept shifting the textbook
in front of me to Aiden sitting next to me. When I first came into the classroom, I
saw that I had beaten Aiden and so I moved my chair as far as I could from his.
When he came into the classroom he said nothing—just like all the other days—
and, then, moved his chair further away from mine when I had gotten up to
sharpen my pencil. A whole other chair could fit right between us with enough
room left over.
What the hell was going on? ‘Yeah, he seems to be annoyed by me, and a
little annoyed with…you.’ Those words just kept ringing in my head making it
hard to concentrate. I felt like confronting him about it. Maybe say something like:
‘So why the hell am I annoying you?’ or ‘How can I be annoying you when I don’t
even talk to you huh?’ I knew I wouldn’t be able to say either of them, though, so I
kept my thoughts just that…thoughts.
The period ended not much longer after that and Aiden took off as graceful
as any other day. What was his problem?

66
 Abe, as usual, came walking towards me as I was packing my things back
into my backpack.
“So, are we gonna go to lunch together as a group again today?” It had
become a habit for all of us to go to lunch together.
“Uhm…I think so. I’ll ask Rachel and Melanie during gym.” I answered
pulling my backpack up to my shoulders.
“Alright!” Rachel and Melanie would be more than ecstatic to go to lunch
with Abe and his friends. They all but drooled when we were around them and
Abe was well aware this fact and, therefore, knew that going to lunch as a group
was a done deal.
“So, how are those singing lessons going?” He questioned. At one point
during the last week I had mentioned my singing lessons.
“I would say good, I’m becoming more confident in my singing and I’m
learning how to read the music too.”
“That’s good.” He commented just as we reached the door to the classroom.
“Y’know you don’t have to walk me to the classroom. I mean, I appreciate
it, but I don’t want you to run the risk of being late.” I had asked him several times
if he was ever late and I had gotten the same answer all the time: ‘Nah.’ Even that
didn’t reassure me because I knew that if one day he was, in fact, late he wouldn’t
tell me.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you during gym, co-ed soccer again.” He
grinned and then left.
It seemed like Mrs. Rhodes didn’t feel like dealing much with the class
because she ended our singing only about fifteen minutes into the class and then
retreated into the back room.
“Hey, Catalina,” Kole’s hand pressed lightly on my shoulder to grab my
attention.
“Yeah?” He pushed me closer to him so that he could whisper in my ear.
“How about I take you out to lunch today?” I tried to remember how to
breathe slowly and calmly and how to ignore the feeling that had ran through my
body when his breath came upon my skin.
“Uh…”
“Do I leave you speechless?” Another breath upon my skin.
“Uh, uhm…well, I think Abe, Jack, David, Rachel, Melanie and I were
supposed to go to lunch together today.” How fast had I said that?
Kole pulled away from being so close to my neck and his lips formed a
smirk—such a lovely smirk.
“You’re mine tomorrow, Catalina.” It was said so smoothly that I didn’t
even mind that part that made it sound like he owned me.
“Uh-huh.” My eyes were set on his face admiring everything about him and
my body was still recovering from the breaths down my neck and the smirk.
I heard a scoff from behind Kole and I figured it was Tanya—she must have
been burning from so much jealously and anger.

67
 Kole decided to use the remainder of the period as a pre-singing lesson
while the rest of our classmates decided to get into their groups and gossip. Every
once in a while, I thought I’d see Tanya and her group of girlfriends look over at
Kole and me and make faces, but I could had just been imagining everything.
“I’ll see you at break, then.” The bell had just rung and Kole and I were
hurrying to put all the music away.
“Yes, ‘til then, goodbye, Catalina.” I received a brilliant smile from Kole
just before he left.
The rest of the day went on without any great events occurring. Elizabeth
hardly noticed my presence behind her in English as Aiden did during break and
Creative writing. Gym went well and did lunch with the group—there was an
enormous amount of flirting coming from Rachel, Melanie, and Abe. The only
occurrence happened in my history class.
“Catalina Danielson?” The teacher announced aloud just as I was finishing
up the questions, which were assigned at the beginning of class.
“Yes?” I answered. Mr. Fisher was sitting down at his desk with his arm
held out and a yellow piece of paper hanging slightly from his hand.
I stood from my desk and quietly walked over to his desk to retrieve the
paper that was now on his desk instead of his hand. ‘Report to Main Office,
Doctor’s Appointment, Will not be returning.’ I stared at the paper confused as I
walked back to my desk to pack my notebook and pen into my backpack.
‘What the hell? Since when did I have a doctor’s appointment?’
Still confused and still staring at the paper hoping to make some sense of it,
I walked to the main office. I walked through the door expecting to see my aunt
there—surely she had made this appointment and not told me about it—but she
was not anywhere in the office. Had she gone off to talk to the principal—they
were friends, weren’t they?
“Catalina.” Kole suddenly appeared at my side.
“Holy—”
“Sh, come on, let’s go.” His hand grasped my arm pulling me to the door
from where I came.
“Wait, no, I think I’m supposed to wait for my aunt. You see, I got this slip
saying I have a doctor’s appointment and—”
“That was me.” He interrupted now pulling me out the door and into the
hallway.
“W-what are you talking about?”
“I persuaded the office assistant to write it so that you and me could get out
of school.”
“W-what? I don’t, I just don’t get it. What?” my eyebrows were furrowed in
misunderstanding and my mind was spinning, and, now, we were standing in front
of my car.
“Give me your keys, I’m driving.” His hand was held out towards me palm
up.

68
 I recoiled from him shaking my head.
“I can’t ditch school.” I whispered in disagreement. He sighed somewhat
impatiently and inched forward.
“You aren’t ditching school. It’s excused.” He quickly grabbed the paper
from my hand and dangled it in front of me. “Come on, I’m taking you somewhere
real nice.” His eyes stared into mine with the small ring of fire inside the larger
ring of ice burning around his pupil. My mind couldn’t say no to him—I just
couldn’t. I let my eyes fall away from his and then agreed. “Alright, let’s go.” He
celebrated as I gave in and handed my keys to him.
Green passed in a blur as we raced to Kole’s destination. I had asked him
many times where he was taking us, but with no clear answer in return. I couldn’t
find much else to do but stare out the window and listen to Kole’s singing.
“So, what about our singing lesson? Are we going to be returning to your
house in a bit?”
“Sure. Maybe.” He had answered most of my other questions like this:
seemingly agreeing but not clear. I gave up and sighed deeply.
Two hours later, we ended up in Portland in front of what looked like a nice
restaurant. After Kole killed the engine and took off his seatbelt, I switched
between looking at him and the restaurant.
“What…are w-we doing here?” The answer to that question seemed
obvious—we were going to eat—but I didn’t get why he had to come all the way
to Portland for that.
“This is one of my favorite restaurants.” My eyebrows rose and I stared,
still, not fully understanding.
“And…you couldn’t take me somewhere in town?” He let out a small
chuckle through the side ways smile his lips formed.
“I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to see us and then word get back to
Claudia. She’d bite my head off if she could.”
I had to turn my head to the side and let my hair cover my face so that Kole
would not be able to see the bright red rising from underneath my cheeks.
“Shall we then?” he held out his hand waiting to receive mine. After just a few
seconds—and after I felt my cheeks cool away from the redness—I gave him my
hand and let him lead the way into the restaurant.
The word “underdressed” doesn’t begin to describe the way I felt when I
walked in with Kole’s arm wrapped around my shoulders. My mouth was literally
hanging open as I tried to figure out which words to use at the moment.
“K-kole?” I managed to mutter out tugging on his shirt like a little kid.
“What is it, Catalina?” He questioned sweetly running his hand up and
down my arm.
I manage to move my eyes away from the elegantly dressed women in the
restaurant and look up at Kole. “Look…look at the way they’re dressed!” I
complained through clenched teeth.

69
 Kole brushed his lips across my cheek and then whispered in my ear, “You
look far more beautiful than them.” Although that was a very sweet compliment,
it didn’t make me feel any better about the way I was dressed.
The women in there had dresses that flowed out behind them like they were
goddesses while I had on a pair of jeans and my favorite band t-shirt. Since Kole
knew we were coming here (he was the one who planned it, gr) he wore black
dress pants and a white button up shirt underneath a black vest.
“Come on, don’t worry about them.” Kole tried to console me, but I
couldn’t do anything else but worry about the way I was being stared at as we
walked to our table.
“Now, would you like to start off with a drink?” the waiter questioned
handing us the menus.
“Uhm…” I began not knowing what I should ask for. Would they have
soda?
“I’ll have sweetened iced tea, what about you?” Kole answered before I
could.
“I’ll have the same.” The waiter nodded and then left.
I began to look at the menu to find the cheapest thing to order. Much to my
surprise, the cheapest meal was fifty-five dollars and that was a bowl of bread
sticks! My eyes grew wide and my jaw dropped; I couldn’t allow Kole to pay for
this. How much money did I have on me? Did I even have my wallet? I frantically
searched my pockets hoping to God that I hadn’t left it at home.
‘Damn it.’ I cursed in my mind.
“Now, just choose whatever you want. Don’t worry about the prices.” I
looked up at Kole and gave him a glare as if he was saying something utterly
crazy, which I thought it was in a way.
“Are you kidding me? I-I can’t let you pay for this.” Determined to pay for
my share I stood from the table, walked to Kole’s side, and held out my palm in
front me beckoning him to hand over my keys.
He merely chuckled.
“You want to take me out to dance?” He probed raising his eyebrow in
delight.
“No, I want you to hand over my keys.”
“What for?” he inquired with his eyebrow still risen. I had to think of some
other reason to tell him instead of going to look for my wallet; he’d never give me
the keys that way.
“I need to get my purse. I-I, uh, forgot…my cell phone.” I knew he
wouldn’t believe it; I didn’t believe myself. His lips rose to one side as he slightly
shook his head.
“Catalina,” here he grabbed my hand that was still palm up waiting to
receive my keys, “sit down and order something. I have money to spare, don’t
worry about it please.”

70
 “No, Kole, I just don’t feel comfortable with you paying for a meal that
would be hundred dollars at the cheapest. No…”
“Catalina,” He spoke softly, “sit down.” I shook my head and he sighed
seemingly giving up. “Well, if it makes you feel better— ”
“Yes, let’s do that.” I interrupted.
“…I’ll pay this time and you pay the next time?” He continued on as if I
had not said anything. I still didn’t want him to pay, but I’d have to seriously make
it up to him on the next dinner…date? I mentally jumped with joy. That means
there will be another day! The only joy I let show on the outside was a small smile
letting him know that I agreed. He motioned me to sit down and I did so holding
back the wanting to skip to my chair.
When Kole had asked for the check, I didn’t even want to look at it. I knew
that if I did, I’d faint just knowing that he’d be paying it and knowing that it would
be expensive already made me want to fall off my chair.
I still could not get over the price of the food even once we were in the car.
How could I let him pay for that whole thing? I should have at least put in a little
bit—half of the check would have been all the money I had in my wallet, which
was still a lot.
I decided that it’d be better if I just went home after I dropped Kole off—I
had loads of homework that weren’t going to finish by themselves.
“Thanks for the dinner. Even though it was too much for you to spend.” We
now sat in my parked car in front of his house.
“Catalina, I told you not to worry about that. Do you see this house?” I
glanced out the window. “We certainly have money to spare even after buying this
mansion. Buying you dinner would be like you getting a meal at Denny’s.” Kole
was very convincing—the debate team would be a good choice for him.
I let a sigh out in my defeat. “Well, how about I buy dinner next time? Is
Denny’s good for you?” He laughed at my suggestion.
“If it’ll make you feel better?” I nodded. “Alright then, it’s a date.” He
leaned towards me and lightly kissed my lips. “See you tomorrow.” He gracefully
maneuvered his way out of the car and waved goodbye.
I waved back still recovering from the shock of the kiss.
*
Finally, after days of looking, I got a job. When I had commented to Rachel
my job crisis, she suggested that I’d apply at the bookstore she was currently
working at.
“If you’re a book fanatic like me, you’ll love working there.” Indeed, I was
a book fanatic, and working with Rachel was a big plus. The only bad thing about
getting a job was the fact that I had to cancel my singing lessons with Kole. Trying
to juggle homework, singing lessons, and a job was a tough task. Kole was
understanding and also said that I had progressed far enough for the moment.
“I always had this plan to somehow stay here after everything is closed,
grab a flashlight, and just read all night. It’s not like I’d ever get bored with the

71
wide assortment of books we have.” It was a normal day in the bookstore—not
busy but not lonely either—and Rachel was confessing the plans she had made
since she began to work here.
“I can only imagine the morning shift walking in and catching you asleep
with a flashlight in had and you face planted in a book.” We both laughed at the
idea.
“Hey, look, Chicas, have you noticed eye candy Aiden has been staring in
your direction since he arrived?” Maria’s comment took me by surprise.
“I didn’t even realize he was in here.” I whispered as I let my eyes
cautiously find him. His eyes met mine, and quickly I glanced away.
“I can’t tell if he’s scrutinizing you or checking you out. His face is so
serious.” Maria popped her gum and then went to attend a customer. Once again, I
let my eyes glance his way, and I found what Maria said was true; his expression
was very serious.
“Ooo, Catalina, he’s staring at you that’s for sure. God, you’re so lucky.
You have Kole already, Abe one step away from begging you to ask him out, and
now Aiden seems to be interested in you.” Rachel was sincerely sweet towards
me, even though I knew she liked Abe since Melanie confessed it to me, but I
didn’t consider myself lucky.
“Interested is vaguely speaking. By the way he looks, it seems like is
interested in something far opposite of what you are thinking, Rachel.” My
eyebrows furrowed as I watched him walk around and glance at me every now and
then.
“Hmm, you got a point there. Maybe he’s spying on you because you’re
dating his brother.”
“If he was spying he wouldn’t let me see him, where as here he’s clearly
making sure I see him. And I’m not dating Kole; we’re just friends.” Even as I
said the last part, I wasn’t sure if it was true. Kole and I were usually together at
school—I’d be with him during break away from Aiden and Elizabeth whom
looked sourly at us when we were together—and occasionally go out of town to
eat, but Kole had not officially asked me to be his girlfriend.
“Well, maybe he’s making it known that he’s watching you, like a warning,
ya know? Oh, and sure you’re not dating.” She chuckled and teasingly hit my arm.
I warmly smiled back at her.
“Like a warning?” My eyes had got tired of following Aiden; I decided to
leave the conversation there and go back to stocking the shelves.
“Dating!” Rachel called out after me as I left with the boxes in my arms.
“No we’re not!” I yelled back looking over my shoulder to see her lips form
a smile as she greeted the customer at the checkout.
I bumped into someone; I quickly turned my head back to apologize to the
person, but my mouth had no words coming out of it once I saw whom it was.
“Need help?” Aiden’s smooth deep voice matched the seriousness in his
eyes.

72
 “It’s alright. I’m quite capable of caring them. They’re not even that heavy.
Thanks anyway.” I walked a few steps past him, and then tripped over my own
feet. The boxes slanted forward inching closer to the ground before Aiden’s hands
quickly and effortlessly stopped them from crashing down.
His eyes were still serious, by somehow softened. “Here,” He grabbed the
other two boxes from my arms. “Just tell me where you want them.” I nervously
bit my lip and fidgeted with my hands.
“Over here, in philosophy.” I took lead towards the isle as Aiden followed
behind me. “You can just set them there.” He set them down and then stuffed his
hands in the pockets of his jeans. His brown hair fell over his eyes as his head
tilted downward. “Uhm, thanks for helping me with the boxes.”
“You’re welcome.” We stood there for only a few seconds with complete
awkward silence covering us. “I should get going. See you at school.”
“Yeah, okay. See you.” I had the urge to ask him why he kept glancing at
me as he walked around the store, but I figured it was better left unsaid.
*
I was ecstatic, to say the least, when Kole decided to take me out to the
movies after work.
“Yeah, I’m going to go catch a movie with my coworker, Maria, since it’s a
Friday.” I lied to Claudia.
“Alright. I might still be awake when you come back; I had to bring my
work home. You have fun okay?” she chuckled.
“Sure, I’ll be home in a while. Bye.”
“Bye.” I still wasn’t quite sure what Claudia’s job was, but I knew it had
something to do with herbs.
“Are we good to go?” Kole whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arms
around me.
“Yep, but I’m driving.” I dangled the keys in front of Kole, which was a
mistake; he snatched them in a blink of an eye.
“Not anymore.” He chuckled as he walked me over to the passenger’s side
and opened the door for me. I reluctantly got in as he made his way to the driver’s
side.
“What movie do you want to see?” Kole probed as we waited by the ticket
booths looking at what was showing.
“Hmm, Ooo, that one looks good!” I pointed to the romance movie. He
raised his eyebrow.
“Very cliché, but if it’s what you want…” I nodded quickly, “Okay, we’ll
see that one.” We got the tickets, got snacks and drinks, and then made our way
towards the room.
Kole didn’t eat or drink throughout the movie, which made me feel like a
pig with all the food I was stuffing in my mouth. Halfway through the movie I
noticed the guy in front of us was dead asleep. The girl with him was too into the

73
movie to realize this. Kole, on the other hand, was unlike the guy in front; he was
wide-awake and seemed to be observing the movie very closely.
“I’m sorry I made you watch this.” I whispered in his ear debating whether
or not to grab his hand.
He made that decision for me; his hand firmly grabbed my and gingerly
gripped it. “Don’t be. I like watching these. It’s like giving me tips on how to be
more romantic.”
His eyes stared down into mine the ring of fire burning crazily around the
blue ice. His hand cupped my chin, pulled it upward, and then his lips fell on to
mine. I forgot all about the movie; I had my own romance that was much more
real than what was happening on the screen.
Kole and I left theater hand in hand. I was still in a daze from all the kisses
he had given me and a little embarrassed as I wondered if anyone had seen us.
“Did you like the movie?” Kole questioned as we headed toward the
parking lot with the crowd of people also leaving the theater.
A huge smirk came across my lips. “Ooh yeah.”
“Okay, well what happened at the end?”
“Uh…” All I could remember was the beginning and the middle. Towards
the end Kole and I were kissing or I had my head on his shoulders with my eyes
closed.
“Naughty, naughty, Catalina. You were thinking about the kissing, not the
movie right?” I shyly smiled and rested against the car as we arrived there.
“Maybe.” I replied shyly also. Kole wrapped both his hands around my face
and pulled it up.
“I liked that part of the movie the most.” Nothing more was said after that.
His lips pressed on mine for what seemed like eternity. Kole slowly pulled away
and then stared into my eyes. “So…”
“Yeah.” I muttered softly.
“Can I drive?” I could not help but laugh.
“So, that’s what that kiss was for?” despite the fact that I couldn’t stop
laughing, I managed to teasingly hit Kole’s arm.
“Well, did it work?” he questioned reaching for my hand where I clutched
the keys.
I scrutinized him for a split second.
“Fine. Only because I feel like taking a nap.”
“Thank you.” He kissed my lips softly and then, once again, led me to the
passenger’s side.

“Catalina, are you in there?” Kole waved his hand in front of my face.
“Huh?” I came out of my daze quickly.
“Would you like to come in now?” I didn’t understand his question until I
realized that we were parked in front of his house.

74
 “Oh, uhm…yes, of course.” I fumbled with the seatbelt; my shaking hands
were unable to figure out how to push the button down to release the belt. “Crap.”
I sighed. What the hell was wrong with me?
“Here.” Kole’s hands came down on mine moving them away as he did the
simple gesture to release the seatbelt. “Are you alright?” his hands didn’t move
away from mine.
“I-I’m fine.” I think. Shakily, my head turned to face towards the window
hoping he wouldn’t see the red rising in my cheeks or feel how my temperature
was also rising.
“Cat, you’re getting hot.” His hand had grasped my chin to turn my head so
that I would be looking straight at him; that is, if I had let my eyes reach his
instead of staring at our intertwined hands. “You look so unbelievably adorable
when you’re embarrassed.” And, then, I felt cold lips on my warm ones.
I let my eyes close and let him guide my lips and hands. His lips moved
ever so gracefully upon mine and his cold hands moved mine to his neck where
they clamped together in a firm grip while his hands embraced strands of my hair.
Once again his ice-cold lips did the opposite of cooling, they burned my lips,
melted them to his. I felt his hand on my back running through my hair and felt his
lips running down my neck, then, I lost all senses.
*
My head felt as if I had been spinning for hours. I didn’t know what
happened, but I did know that the car seat got very comfortable. When did the
headrest become so comfy and soft? It didn’t even feel like leather anymore; it felt
more like a type of cloth, a soft one. I couldn’t figure out what was on top of me
either. It wasn’t heavy, but it covered my whole body in a warm embrace. It
brushed against my skin like the smoothest…cotton?
“How is she doing?” I heard a distant male voice ask.
“Still unconscious.” A different male voice replied.
“What did you do to her, Kole?” the first male voice questioned.
“Nothing…” Kole replied with deception deep in his voice. Kole, where am
I? I wanted so desperately to ask. “Okay, okay, I kissed her. I’m sorry but she has
beautiful lips.” If I could have remembered how to blush, I’m sure my whole face
would have been the brightest shade of red.
“Take her home when she wakes up, alright?” I still could not recognize the
first male voice.
“Yes.” There were footsteps slowly fading, a door opening and closing, and
then footsteps that faded away quickly. Kole’s hand ran down the side of my face
slightly running through my mangled hair. “So beautiful.”
I searched my mind frantically trying to find the right command to make
my eyes open. It seemed like an eternity before my heavy lids slowly starting
pulling upward. Next, I had to figure out how to move my lips and speak. I might
as well have given up on that task because once I saw Kole’s blue eyes surrounded
by their ring of fire my throat went suddenly dry.

75
 “Hey, how are you feeling?” his sweet voice smoothly questioned.
“Uh…fine.” I managed to say. “Thirsty.” It seemed as if my mind could
only manage baby like sentences.
“Oh, here.” Kole held my head up with one hand and raised a cup to my
lips with the other. “There ya go. How’s that?”
My throat felt better and my mind didn’t tell my mouth to speak in such a
dim-witted way. “I feel a whole lot better, thank you.” My eyes got a good look at
where I was. I wasn’t in the car and that would explain why the car seat felt much
more comfortable. In fact, the reason for the comfort was because I was lying on
Kole’s bed; I was in his room. He must’ve carried me all the way up here, but the
questioned still remained: what happened?
Kole must’ve seen the look of confusion on my face because he began to
answer the inquiry I had not yet spoken aloud. “You fainted, I think, I’m not
entirely sure what happened.” Oh god, the must’ve been incredibly embarrassing. I
could only widen my eyes in surprise and try to repress heat from spilling out from
my entire body.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I would do that. Gosh, how
embarrassing. Did you have to carry me up here?” he nodded, “Oh God, I’m so
sorry. Truly I am. I’ll-I’ll make it up to you. I don’t know how, but uhm…
whatever you want just ask me and I’ll do anything. Well, I won’t do anything, but
like I could make you dinner, or do your laundry, or homework. No, wait, I don’t
think you’re that type of student. Well, I’ll wash your car, yeah?” Kole chuckled
making me feel worse. “Oh, damn, now I’m talking too much, aren’t I? God, I
should just shut up! I’m sorry. I don’t know why I talk so much when I’m nervous.
A character flaw I suppose. Damnit, why am I still talking?! Argh!” I hid my face
by turning over to hide it on the pillow.
“It’s alright. Don’t you worry about it.” his eyes pierced through mine and
it only made me feel dizzy again. I would’ve turned away from his gaze, but his
kiss came so fast that I didn’t have time to look away; I only had time to close my
eyes.
The dizziness worsened as the kiss grew longer, and I felt as if I was going
to faint in his arms. But, perhaps luckily, someone walked into the room, and
cleared his throat to make himself know. Kole pulled away a few seconds
afterward.
“Kole, do you mind leaving my alone with Catalina for a bit? I need to
address a certain matter to her.” My eyes almost fell out of the sockets seeing
Aiden there. I felt embarrassed because he caught Kole and me kissing, but I was
also timid. He hadn’t spoken to me in days and now he wanted to talk about
something with me?
“Sure, I need to get something to drink anything. See you in a bit.” Kole
lightly brushed his hand across my cheek and then left.
I nervously sat up on Kole’s bed leaning against the bed frame for support
and tangled the sheets between my hands anxiously waiting for Aiden to speak.

76
 He seemed to be just the opposite of what I was: composed, calm, and
focused. I couldn’t look at him for some reason, but I fixated my sight on one of
Kole’s walls.
“What is going on between Kole and you, Catalina?” that was pretty
straightforward. I couldn’t answer, though, my mouth and throat felt too dry to say
a word. “I didn’t say anything when I first suspected something because I thought
it’d be over soon. Kole has his little games with girls and then he drops them like
that.” He snapped his fingers to emphasize the matter. “This, him and you, needs
to end…today.”
“W-w-why?” I managed to choke out with much confusion strong in my
voice.
“Kole is not someone you want to be with, and you’re not of our class.”
“Class? Wait, because I don’t have loads of money like you I’m not of your
class? From what century did you come from? Oh!” I quickly covered my mouth
with my hand to stop me from saying anything else, not that what I said frayed
Aiden’s composure.
“We’re old fashion, lets say.” I still couldn’t keep a stare on Aiden; it was as
if he was burning too brightly and my eyes could not stand it. “You need to leave
and I don’t want to see you with Kole again.”
“Or what?” Jeez, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.
“I’m sure Claudia wouldn’t like to know that you’re hanging around Kole,
and much less dating him.”
“But I’m not dat—”
“You’re kissing him, that must be a whole deal worse.” He had a point.
Claudia would freak out if she found out, and I’d probably be shipped off to some
other distant relative, or under house arrest until I died.
“Alright. It’s over. You won’t see me around him anymore.” I stood from
the bed almost falling because my legs were shaking badly. From the corner of my
eye, I thought I saw Aiden flinch as if to come help me, but when I looked at him,
his eyes were turned away from me.
I ran as fast as I could from that room taking the stairs two steps at time. I
wanted to be out of there before Kole could come back from getting his drink. A
huge relief came over me when I finally got into my car and began to drive away.
But with the huge relief came a huge grief that sent tears streaming down from my
eyes.

77
 Chapter Seven: Crimson Door
All I could do was look up at my ceiling with my hands over my stomach,
as I lied dead still on my bed trying to comprehend what had just happened. What
was Aiden’s deal? He was amazingly sweet the first day I met him at school, and
then he just turned cold towards me.
They way he told me that I wasn’t up to their “standards” to be involved
with Kole was harsh. To say the truth, I wasn’t hurt because I wouldn’t be able to
be with Kole, I was actually more hurt because I thought Aiden liked me as a
friend. For some reason, I believed I could be that one special girl that would get
his attention when he ignored all the other girls. Guess I was incredibly wrong.
“Catalina? Can I come in?” Claudia knocked softly on my door. I took a
deep breath and let it out slowly hoping this would relive some of the nerves.
“Yeah, sure. Go ahead.” I sat up and ran my hands through my hair as she
stepped in closing the door softly.
“How was the movie?” She questioned sitting down next to me on the bed.
I shrugged my shoulders.
“It was good.” I didn’t dare look at Claudia knowing that she was
scrutinizing me with her eyes already.
“Are you alright, dear?” her hand came down on my shoulder and rubbed
my arm slightly.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just feel exhausted. I think I’m gonna go to sleep now.” I
managed a small smile, one that hopefully was convincing enough.
Claudia nodded her head and ran her hand through my hair in a comforting
motion. “Alright, you have a good night okay? Get lots of sleep.”
I nodded giving her a much more sincere smile. The smile faded once she
left the room, though. The way she had ran her hand through my hair reminded me
of my mother and the pain in my heart I hadn’t felt for sometime returned with
much force. The tears raced their way down my face and on to my pillows forming
a circular wet spot.
I could not say when I fell asleep, but when I woke up it seemed as though
the sun was already passed its midpoint and was slowly setting. My body felt sore
from being scrunched in the fetal position all through my sleep, and my eyes stung
when I tried to open them.
It almost seemed like a normal day, until I remembered what had the night
before. My hand ran through the tangled mess of my hair. My stomach grumbled,
loudly. “Alright, alright.” I spoke to it and then hauled my lazy body out of bed.
After a quick shower and putting my hair into a simple ponytail, I walked
into the kitchen where an aroma of sweet maple hit me.
Pancakes, sausage, and eggs were all set in a plastic covered plate on the
table with a small note beside it. “‘Had some business to attend to, be home
around eight in the morning tomorrow, love Claudia.’ Hm, okay.”
“I have the whole house to myself and on a Saturday, whatever shall I do?”

78
 I called Rachel and Melanie to come over to have a little girl party, but once
they arrived, Abe, Shane, and Jack showed up. Then a few minutes later other girls
came and other guys and before I knew it I was hosting this huge party with loud
dance music playing and people I wasn’t sure even I knew were dancing all over
the place.
The doorbell rang and echoed in my head making it ache even more.
Reluctantly, I went to answer the door and there stood a group of guys with a keg
of beer. “Oh hell no! Go away with that crap!” I just the door in their face and
walked away. The bell rang again after I was in the living room desperately
searching for Abe, Rachel, or Melanie, but I didn’t go to open the door nor did I
find any trace of the people I was looking for.
“Hey, who has the beer?!” I heard someone yell out.
“Over here dude!” I couldn’t have beer in the house, so I followed the voice
and found the group of guys whom I had tried to get rid of at the door hand people
cups of beer.
I pushed through the people in front of me purposely knocking over their
cups with beer until I got to that stupid keg.
“Hey, what the hell?” One of the guys exclaimed as I quickly unscrewed
the lid and tipped the keg over. The beer came spilling out. “What is your
problem?!” He gripped my arms, threw me aside and stopped the keg from spilling
anymore of their venomous alcohol.
I tried to make my way back to the keg to spill the remaining beer, but I
slipped on the beer that had spilt. “Crap.” I had beer all over my hands, arms,
back, and legs.
The guys whom had brought the beer pointed and laughed at me instead of
helping me up. Those bastards, they were in my house and I had absolutely no
control or authority.
“Shit, Cat, are you okay?” Abe suddenly appeared in the kitchen and helped
me up.
“I wiped my wet hands on my pants as I held on to Abe’s hands to stabilize
myself. “Yeah, I’m alright. Goddamnit, get that outta here!” I yelled pointing the
beer. The guys once again laughed and then ignored me.
“Come on, lets go clean you up.” Abe led me out of the kitchen and I was
still fuming, debating whether I could go back in there and threaten those bastards
with a knife; maybe then they’d listen to me. “Which one is your room?” Abe
questioned as we stood at the beginning of the hallway.
“This one.” I replied opening the door to the right of us. I let go of Abe’s
hand and went straight to my dresser to find some dry clean clothes to throw on
and then figure out a way to get all these people out of the house.
I took a glance at Abe. His eyes wandered around my room, which was
mainly filled with my paintings and pictures of my mom and me. He walked up to
one painting and held it up.

79
 “Is this your mom?” Out of all the paintings lying around he had to pick the
one of my mother, the only one I ever painted of her.
“Yeah.” I answered softly. He examined the painting closer feeling every
brush stroke.
“It’s very good.” He complimented. I simply shrugged and sat down on my
bed with a sigh.
“I had to draw it with her eyes closed ‘cause I couldn’t capture the life in
her eyes. I had tons of her but when it came to the eyes I simply got frustrated and
threw them away.” As I spoke, her face came into my mind and my heart felt
pained.
“Where is she?” Abe’s question caught me off guard.
“Uh, well she—” I heard glass crashing right at that moment. “Oh my god,
what was that?” my eyes opened wide and I hurried out of my room and down
stairs. I had been hoping it was a vase that had no importance and was purely for
décor, but what I saw was far from what I thought. “GET OUT!” I screamed out at
the top of my lungs, but no one really heard me over the screaming music. So I
took matters in to my own hands and unplugged the music. Everyone looked over
at me, just what I needed. “GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET OUT!”
they all looked at me as if I was crazy and then went back to their conversations.
Some guy came and yanked the stereo plug in cable out of my hands and
reconnected it to the wall so the music could start blaring again. I couldn’t take it
anymore. I knew these people weren’t going to listen to me and they couldn’t stay
here all night; eventually they would all have to go home.
I pushed my way through people and found my way outside. I could hear
the waves crashing against the hill, but could not see where the end of the land
was. ‘I should just push people off the hill to their death.’ I sinisterly thought.
The fresh air calmed my nerves, but the loud music could still be heard
outside. I closed my eyes and tried my best to mute the sound. Slowly, the music
started getting softer and softer until all I could hear were the crashing waves and
rustling of leaves.
There were many times before where, if I could just concentrate hard
enough, I could block out the noise I didn’t want to hear. I mostly did this when
my parents were actually still together but would argue all the time.
My eyes were still closed; my breathing had slowed from the rampant
breaths I had been taking and my skin was chilled by the icy wind blowing against
it. I was in such in hurry to get out of the house that I simply forgot about the
coldness and the worthiness of a jacket.
I wrapped my arms around my small chest to try and give myself some
warmth and looked out toward the water. Though it was hard to tell where the
edge of the cliff was, the moon shining against the water was clearly visible. All I
could do was stare off and watch the waves slowly calm down at the same rate my
anger was calming.
“Catalina…” My eyes shot wide open.

80
 The voice in my head sounded just like… “Catalina…”
“Mom?” My eyebrows furrowed as I recognized my mother’s voice calling
out my name.
“Come to me, Catalina. Come to me.” Her voice came from all around me.
“Mom? Where are you?”
“Catalina, join me. Come to me. Catalina. Forward. Come forward.” I did
as her voice told me and took three steps in front of me.
“Mom, where am I going? Where are you leading me?”
“Follow my voice. Join me. Come forward, Catalina.” I stepped forward
again only staring into the moon thinking that I’d somehow find my mother’s face
in it. That’s when I finally saw her. Her face reflected in the water calling to me.
“Just a little more, Catalina.” I stared at her face not trying to blink afraid that if I
did so she’d disappear.
“Mom…”
“Catalina…Catalina…Catalina…”
“Catalina!” Cold hands grasped my arms and pulled me back, shocking me
out of my daze.
I blinked and took in a deep breath as I saw how close to the edge I was.
Not to mention what a nasty drop it would have been had I fallen, which brought
my mind to remember the cold hands on my arms still gripping tightly.
Slowly, I moved my head towards the side and followed pale arms up to a
pale neck and a place face…
“Aiden!” I tried to pull away from his grasp, but with no luck. Before I
could say anything else he dragged me away from the cliff.
“What were you doing?! You almost fell!” His yelling caught me off guard
leaving me unable to answer him. “Catalina, answer me!”
I didn’t say a word. I only looked back to the water where I had seen my
mother’s face. It wasn’t there anymore. Had I hallucinated?
“Catalina Levi Danielson, are you listening to what I’m saying?”
My eyebrows pulled together. “How’d you know my middle name? I’ve
never told anybody it.” I stared into his eyes waiting for an answer, perplexed.
“It was on your school schedule.” He tried to lie.
“The schedule only had my middle initial.” My eyes tried to read his eyes,
but they were as still as cold stone.
“What does it matter if I know you’re middle name. You still haven’t told
me what the hell you were doing so close to the edge, practically half a step away
from falling.” I rolled my eyes with the change of subject.
“I don’t know. I heard…” How could I explain hearing my mother’s voice
beckoning me to her without sounding delirious?
“You heard…?” He pushed for more information, but I didn’t need to give
him any explanations. Wasn’t he the one who only yesterday told me to stay away
from his family? And now here he was trying to be Sherlock Holmes solving the
mystery of ‘Why Catalina was so close to the cliff?’.

81
 “What are you doing here?” The question seemed to catch him off guard for
only a second.
“I needed to come talk to you.” I raised my eyebrow at his answer. “I
wanted to clear some things up about yesterday.” He further explained. I still
scrutinized him with my eyes.
His composed eyes only stared back at mine.
“Fine, we can talk, but I’d like you to take you hands off my arms if you
don’t mind. I can’t feel them anymore.”
“Oh, yeah, of course.” He suddenly let go of my arms. A tingling sensation
rose through my arms as the blood that was cut off from flowing by Aiden’s grip
suddenly flooded through my veins.
I rubbed my arms for warmth once more and struggled to figure out what to
do next. Aiden said he wanted to talk, but stood there motionless without saying a
word.
“If we’re going to talk can we do it inside, my limbs are so numb I don’t
even know if I have legs or arms anymore.” I joked clutching myself in an attempt
to get some body heat to rise.
“Here,” he took off his jacket and draped it around my shoulders, “I have a
feeling that you wouldn’t be able to hear me over all that music.” He motioned
toward the house with a nod of his head.
I let out a deep breath while placing my arms through the jacket.
“I didn’t think you were the partying type.” He confessed giving a small
smirk that was even more dazzling than Kole’s; for the first time in a few days, his
eyes softened up and the melting sapphire blue shined brightly.
I tried to hide a smile. “Actually, it was just supposed to be a few friends of
mine, but, I guess, someone said I was having a party and it just got a little out of
control. “ I shrugged as if it was no big deal.
“Hm, I’d say you’re lucky those hormonal guys haven’t started suggesting
wet t-shirt contests.” And then right after he said that a holler came from the
house.
“Hey! We should have a wet t-shirt contest!” a male voice yelled.
“Oh, hell no. Damn it!” I raced toward the house. I didn’t look back to see
if Aiden had followed me or stayed put.
As I reached the house, Abe came into view with a worried expression and
then relief as he spotted me.
“I was looking all over the house for you.” He said beginning to drape is
arm around my shoulder. I moved before he could.
“I TOLD ALL OF YOU EARLIER! GET THE HELL OUT!!!!” once again
nobody listened to me. My head felt as if it was about to explode with anger and
frustration. I had clenched my fist so tightly that I was sure if I put anymore
strength into my grip I’d rip right through my own skin.

82
 I walked into the living room ready to simply unplug, throw down, and
smash the hell out of the stereo system when the music suddenly stopped; I wasn’t
even any where near the stereo.
Everyone turned to see who had once more ceased their dancing music and
then everyone held still as they saw who it was.
Aiden stood there with the cord in hand and the coldest, darkest, most
unnerving glare I had ever seen from him.
“Incase you didn’t hear Catalina scream this at the top of her lungs, twice,
get the hell out. Now.” Unlike my screaming moments, all the uninvited people
immediately made their way for the door scrambling over furniture and other
people. In less than five seconds everyone had left the house. Amazing, he didn’t
even have to raise his voice the way I had.
The only people left in the room were Rachel, Melanie, Abe, Jack, and
Shane.
“I’ll see you guys later.” I heard Abe whisper to his friends.
It was so silent in the house, Jack and Shane’s footsteps were audible even a
few seconds after they were out the front door.
I glanced toward Rachel and Melanie, whom both had apologetic
expressions.
“I-I’m so sorry Cat. I guess some people must’ve over heard us when we
called Abe. We were at the basketball game and…a lot of people were around us.”
Rachel tried to explain and apologize.
I wasn’t angry with Rachel or Melanie. It wasn’t as if they had the intention
of having a big party at my house. They simply thought that it’d be a bit more fun
with a guy to accompany each of us.
Melanie looked as if she were about to cry so I went over and hugged them
both.
“What were both of you doing while the party was going on?” I questioned.
“Uhm,” They had both been enjoying themselves. No words were needed to
confirm my suspicion. I still wasn’t angry with the both of them; had I been not so
stressed about everything I would have tried to enjoy my first party.
“Do you need help picking up all this mess?” Abe offered now freely
wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
“Uh…” I examined the room. It would take me quite a few hours, perhaps
all night, to clean everything up by myself. “If you don’t mind…I mean you don’t
have to—”
“Alright, Rachel you take care of the kitchen,” Abe kindly ordered with a
smile my way, “Melanie, you’re in charge of the dining room. I’ll clean the living
room and uh…Aiden?”
I had almost forgotten about Aiden. I thought he had left since he had been
so quite and still.
“I’ll clean up the hall way and check the bedrooms and such upstairs.”
Aiden had been leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest,

83
but now he moved gracefully from there and walked right up to me. “You should
rest. We’ll take care of this mess. We still have to talk later anyway.” He whispered
ever so slightly in my ear.
Boy, and I had thought that Kole was charming. Aiden’s voice sent the most
unfamiliar chills down my whole body.
“He’s right you should rest.” Abe interjected. It was amazing how much the
testosterone level had risen in the room at that moment. “Afterwards, we can have
the small gathering you had wanted in the first place.”
“I think one gathering is enough for tonight. She needs to sleep, not stay up
late.” Aiden’s tone of voice was firm, almost like a father telling his daughter that
she had to go to sleep.
“I do agree she needs to rest, but you’re not her father; she can stay up late
if she likes.”
“She’s been through a lot of stress this night. What would be best for her is
to get some much needed rest to calm her nerves and ease her mind.”
“Well, listen to Mr. know it all here, says he knows what’s best for Ms.
Catalina. Obviously she should listen to you ‘cause she is only two and has no
personal input on her own life.” Abe replied sarcastically.
I walked between both boys, who seemed to be getting closer and closer to
each other with every attack they said.
“If you boys don’t mind, I need to get this place cleaned up by tonight. So,
you go ahead and bicker at each other while we women do what we do best. You
might want to turn down that testosterone too, makes me wanna take some
estrogen pills just to even out the scale.” They looked at me a bit stunned, took a
glance and sneered at each other and then began cleaning up.
I didn’t feel like resting while my friends and Aiden picked up the mess.
With that in mind, I quickly went into the bathroom, splashed my face with
cold water and then back down to find some way to clean without having my
friends push me away from doing so.
Jack and Shane were now in the living room with Abe. Abe was picking up
all the trash, Jack was putting every item that had been thrown around back into
where he thought was its proper place while Shane vacuumed.
Rachel was now spilling all the beer that was on the counter into the sink
and Melanie was throwing away plastic cups, wiping up spilled beer mixed with
soda, and crumbs of chips off the table.
I decided to grab the mop and clean up all the liquids on the floor.
“Catalina, I can do that. Don’t worry about it.” Rachel tried to stop me.
“Come on, I’m just mopping. It’s not a mortal sin.” I teased; she laughed
and let me keep on mopping.
About two hours later, we had finally finished cleaning everything up. All
of us were now in the living room admiring our accomplishments.
“Seems about that time when everyone should be off to their houses and
Catalina goes to sleep.” Aiden was the first to speak.

84
 Abe was the first to counter the statement-go figure. “You’re not the boss of
us, Aiden. We can stay if we like. Well, if Catalina would like us to.” He quickly
changed is firmness seemingly remembering that they were in my house.
The testosterone level rose once more and I couldn’t stand it.
“Not to be offensive or anything, but I do feel extremely tired. Perhaps we
could try this small get together some other weekend? Is that alright?” I was tired,
but I also wanted to be alone with Aiden. We were supposed to talk about
something right?
Abe’s resolve melted away in resignation. “Sure, Cat, you need your rest.”
Rachel and Melanie hugged and told me to give them a call tomorrow.
Abe’s hug was a bit elongated, but I said nothing and simply told him to take it
easy. Jack and Shane also gave me a hug, not as long as Abe though, and then left
after Abe.
Aiden stood there with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. I wasn’t sure if
he was going to leave, too, or stay for to talk to me about whatever he had on his
mind.
“Well…I’ll see you at school?” I questioned.
“You awake enough to talk?” I nodded slightly and then took a seat on the
couch; he stayed standing.
He seemed as if he was trying to plan out everything he was going to say
before he spoke it.
“I know I must’ve hurt your feelings with what I had said yesterday, but I
couldn’t find any other to make you stay away from our family.” I had opened my
mouth to say something but he put his hand up to stop me from saying anything.
“It isn’t that you’re not up to our family’s standard that was just some lie I told
you. Our family isn’t an arrogant rich family. They actually would have loved you,
but knowing what you are wouldn’t quite run well if our families mixed.”
“What do you mean ‘what I am’?”
His composure melted away for half a second and then he was back to
being poised. “If you don’t know, I’d ask Claudia what it is that she does besides
her daytime job and what it has to do with you.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “Oh, okay.” I replied even though I had no idea
what he said meant.
“I’ll leave you now. Since you don’t know about yourself, I can’t say much
else. Have a good night. I’ll see you at school.”
Aiden took leave. I wasn’t sure when he was out the door since I didn’t hear
a sound. I was still perplexed by what he had just told me.
‘What I am? What is that supposed to mean?’ I decided to go up to my
room and sleep off the confusion, but I knew I’d ask Claudia a few questions once
she returned.
*

85
 The smell of sausage links woke me that morning. I didn’t know what
time it was, but I figured it was past eight since Claudia did state in her letter to
me that she was going to be home at that time.
“Good morning, sleepy head.” Claudia greeted me with a smile.
“Morning. What time is it?”
“Ten o’clock. You don’t go to church right?” I merely laughed as an
answer to her question. “Hm, so what did you do last night?”
I almost choked on the orange juice I had just poured myself. Looking
around the kitchen, the events from last night were unseen. “Uhm, I invited
Rachel and Melanie over and we had a girl’s day. Is that alright?” She nodded
taking a sip from her coffee cup.
As we ate and I thought about the night before, I remembered my very
brief talk with Aiden. My chewing became slower and my eyes wandered
towards Claudia’s direction. How was a good way of asking her such a question?
‘Hey, Claudia, Aiden told me something that intrigued me…’? I don’t think so.
“Claudia, what do you do, like what’s your job? If you don’t mind me
asking.”
She stopped chewing. Her normal cheerful look faltered for only a second
before a great big grin reappeared.
“Oh, well it’s a quite interesting job. I work with herbs.” She answered
returning to chewing.
My eyebrows were raised in a bit of confusion. She worked with herbs?
How much did that pay her? It must be a lot since she could afford luxurious
things.
I got left with the question of what working with herbs had to do with me? I
decided against asking her such a question and focused my attention on my food.

Claudia went out later that afternoon with her friends. She apologized for
leaving me alone but insisted that I should call Rachel and Melanie to keep me
some company. I did just that.
Both Rachel and Melanie were busy doing volunteering but promised they
could be over in an hour and a half.
I decided to take a shower and get dolled up just to pass the time. My long
brown hair was curled, my green eyes had cocoa colored make-up around them,
and I wore a black pencil skirt, a tight red shirt, and red heels just for the hell of it.
I never really got dressed up and I hadn’t worn heels in the longest time, but I
figured it’d be fun to doll up for once.
The doorbell ringing drew my attention away from my reflection in the
mirror. Finally! They’re here! I thought as I ran down the stairs in a hurry to see
Rachel and Melanie.
“I’m coming!” I shouted out as I was almost to the front door. With a wide
grin on my face, I turned the handle. “I thought you guys were never gonna…
get…here.” I stood there wide-eyed.

86
 “Good Evening, Catalina.” Aiden stood beautifully before me. His clear
blue eyes looked at me with the most enchanting stare.
I couldn’t speak.
“I thought perhaps you could join me for a small dinner.” He suggested in
an almost chivalrous way.
I still stood there dumbfounded not knowing what to say. Part of me wanted
to immediately say yes, but the other part was unsure. Aiden had told me,
practically ordered me, to stay away from his family and now he’s here at my
house for the second day in a row. What did he want?
“Uhm, okay. Give me two minutes.” I stepped away from the door towards
the kitchen leaving it open. “Come in if you want.” I yelled out reaching for the
kitchen phone.
I dialed Rachel’s number and quickly tried to explain why I was calling off
our girl’s night. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t expect him to come at all. I just wanna
have him give me some answers. I hope you’re not angry with me?” I looked over
my shoulder to see Aiden standing only a few steps away. When did he come in? I
didn’t hear not even one step.
“It’s alright I understand and I’m sure Melanie will too. Just make sure to
call both of us afterwards to tell us what’s going on, kay?” I sighed in relief that I
wouldn’t have my friend’s anger on the back of my mind through out ‘dinner’ with
Aiden.
“I will. Talk to you later. Bye.”
Aiden took me a local diner. I mentally thanked him for not taking me to
some expensive restaurant the way Kole had done before. I ordered something
small not feeling much of an appetite. Aiden simply ordered an iced tea.
“Aren’t you supposed to eat at dinner?” I pointed out happy that I had only
gotten a chicken salad.
His eyes looked up at me. Rushing calming waves of blue searched my
eyes. “You have a point and I apologize. I asked you to join me for dinner and I’m
not eating. I should order something else.” He raised his arm to call for the waiter,
but I pulled it down before he could.
“It’s alright. You probably aren’t hungry.” His other hand came over my
own, which was still holding his arm. I twitched at the coldness. It was pretty
warm in the diner how could he still be so ice cold? “Why are you and Kole
always so cold?” He immediately retrieved his hand and arm.
There were a few minutes of silence until I finally got the courage to say
something. “So is there something you want to talk to me about?”
“Did you ask Claudia about what I told you yesterday?” I nodded to answer
his question. “So you know?” I nodded again. “Did she explain how we fit into
this and why my family and Claudia and you don’t mix?”
My eyebrows pulled together. What was he talking about? “No, no, no. I
just asked her what her job was. She works with herbs. I didn’t see how that had
anything to do with me, and thought it’d sound awkward asking her such a thing.”

87
 “So you don’t know?”
“Don’t know what?” I inquired with slight irritation rising. What was it that
he wanted me to know and why wouldn’t he just tell me himself?
I wanted to ask him just that, but our food arrived and I decided to focus on
my food instead of him. That was kind of hard to do when I could feel his eyes on
me. “Are you just going to watch me eat?” I questioned half way done with the
salad.
“Do you really know nothing about Claudia or your mom and dad?”
“What the hell do my mother and father have to do with Claudia? Look, I
never even knew of Claudia before this okay? I don’t know what you think I might
know, ‘cause I’m seriously thinking you know something about me and/or Claudia
that you don’t want to tell me. Why? If you want me to know so badly why not
just tell me yourself and save me of this confusion?” My voice had gotten louder
and harsher as I went on; I had to take in a big breath afterwards.
“I can’t. It’s not my place to do so. I don’t see why your mother didn’t at
least mention this to you. How stupid of her to leave you ignorant.” That did it. I
stood abruptly with anger clearly shown on my face.
“Don’t you ever call my mother stupid! She was damn intelligent and no
rich snotty boy like you will talk about her that way. Thanks for the dinner.
Goodbye!” I ran out of the diner infuriated and walked in long steps not knowing
exactly where I was going, but knowing that I just wanted to but as much distance
as I could from Aiden and me.
Who did he think he was? He didn’t know my mother, didn’t know what
she was like. He had no right calling her stupid. “Fucker.” I spat starting to shake
from the irritation and rage. I just didn’t get that stupid guy. What did he want with
me? First he’s all nice and sweet and charming, and then he starts ignoring and
avoiding me out of nowhere and then orders me to stay away from his family, but
ends up coming to talk nonsense to me. No, wait; first he saved my life (well more
like screwed up my suicide) in San Francisco. Why did he let me live? I could be
with my mother right now instead of walking in the freezing cold in a pencil skirt
and heels in the dark with no idea where I was…
Oh no. Where the hell did I end up? I didn’t recognize the street, the
buildings, nothing. Well, of course I wouldn’t; I hadn’t traveled through all of
Portland. I grabbed my phone hoping to call one of my friends to get me out of
here only to take it out of my pocket and find it dead. Great. Just my luck. I
thought stashing my useless phone back in my pocket.
The neighborhoods then started to get a lot less ‘elegant’ and my heart
automatically began to race faster, and my hand gripped my purse closer to my
body. I could’ve just been stereo typing the neighborhood. For all I knew, it
could’ve been filled with the nicest people in any neighborhood. But when I saw a
gang of us trailing after me, I knew my instinct wasn’t wrong.

88
 “Hey sexy legs,” one of the guys called out in a raspy voice, “what you got
in that Chanel bag of yours. Must have some cash on you to be carryin’ a bag like
that.”
I tried my best to keep calm and made up a plan in my head. I would walk
at my casual pace to one of the houses, knock on their door, walk in, and then
explain the those boys were following me and I just needed to use their phone to
get someone to pick me up. Sounded like a good enough plan. I knew that if I tried
running they would easily out run me, especially since I was wearing three-inch
heels.
My planned turned sour when I felt one of them touching my arm. I jumped
back at the feeling.
“Your purse looks heavy I could hold it for you, so you don’t hurt your
pretty little shoulders.” I yanked my purse away from him.
“No thanks, it’s quite light, thank you.” I proceeded to walk towards my
right in the direction of the nearest house, but another of the guys cut me off.
“Going somewhere?” Keep your cool, Catalina. Just keep your cool.
“Yes, my uh uncle lives in that house. He’s expecting me so if you’ll excuse
me-”
“Your uncle don’t live there. Now make this easy and just give us your
purse.” I clutched my purse tighter.
“Come on girly, we don’t want to hurt you, but if we have to…we will.”
The first guy who talked announced in a menacing tone as he pulled out a gun
from his pants.
Part of me was screaming in my head telling me to just give them the bag
and take off. But, another part of me was screaming not to. My mother gave the
Chanel bag to me; I wasn’t about to let some thugs steal it from me.
When they saw that I wasn’t loosing the grip on my bag, they began to
close in on me.
“Give. Us. The. Bag.” I took my chances and turned around to run as fast as
I could. As I predicted, they caught up to me with no problem tackling me down to
the floor as they did.
“No! Let go!” I screeched as three of the guys picked me off the ground and
stretched my limbs out so I no longer clutch my bag to my side. Another guy very
forcefully pulled each of my fingers off the purse and yanked it away. That guy
handed it to what seemed like the leader of the group and the one whom had
referred to me as ‘sexy legs’.
I hadn’t been crying even when the three guys had stretched me out, but I
cried now hating that my mother’s precious Chanel bag was now in the hands of a
dirty thief.
I was now pushed up against the wall with three sets of disgusting hands
upon me.
“What should we do with her Charlie?” The guy holding my right side to
the wall asked the leader.

89
 “She’s yours. Do whatever you want. Just make sure to kill her afterwards.”
My eyes shot wide open and I was about to scream, but Charlie covered my
mouth with his atrocious hand. “Thanks for the bag sexy legs. Bye bye.” Before he
left, the back of his hand came across my cheek hard; and with that he walked
away.
I didn’t know how I felt anymore. I was scared to death, but I was also
mourning the loss of my mother’s bag, which also infuriated me. Stupid sons of
bitches.

90