Professional Documents
Culture Documents
How to Deal with Suffering, Dying, and Death within Your Ministry
Jim Pile
Associate Pastor, Pastoral Care Ministries
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15).
INTRODUCTION
Spiritually
Materially
Grief is a proper expression of emotion over a life-shaking loss. It is the expression of a painful or
profound sorrow, sorrow over a loss that hurts!
It is not wrong to express real sorrow at the loss of fellowship with loved ones
who have died, and sorrow also for the suffering and hardship that they may
have gone through prior to death. Sometimes Christians think it shows lack of
faith if they mourn deeply for a brother or sister Christian who has died. But
Scripture does not support that view, because when Stephen was stoned, we read
that ‘Devout men buried Stephen, and made great lamentation over him’ (Acts
8:2)…Their sorrow showed the genuine grief that they felt at the loss of
fellowship with someone whom they loved, and it was not wrong to express this
sorrow—it was right. Even Jesus, at the tomb of Lazarus, ‘wept’ (John 11:35),
experiencing sorrow at the fact that Lazarus had died, that his sisters and others
were experiencing such grief, and also, no doubt, at the fact that there was death
2
in the world at all, for ultimately it is unnatural and ought not to be in a world
created by God.1
Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11:35). As Mary and Martha’s sympathetic high priest, He
understood the pain and sorrow that they were experiencing. As Isaiah the prophet foretold, “He was a
man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief…” (Isaiah 53:3).
First Thessalonians 4:13 indicates the propriety of grief for the Christian, “But we do not want you to be
uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve, as do the rest who have no
hope.”
JEREMIAH 9:17-18—“Thus says the Lord of hosts, ‘Consider and call for the mourning women,
that they may come; And send for the wailing women, that they may come! And let them make haste,
and take up a wailing for us, That our eyes may shed tears, And our eyelids flow with water.’”
The period of mourning for the dead varied in biblical times according to the custom of the particular
nation. For example, the Israelites typically mourned for seven days. Genesis 50:10 tells us Joseph
and his family mourned for Jacob seven days once they returned to Canaan from Egypt (Genesis
50:10). While Joseph and his family were still in Egypt the mourning period was seventy days
according to Egyptian custom (Genesis 50:3). For Aaron (Numbers 20:29) and Moses (Deut. 34:8) it
was thirty days, and for Saul, seven days (1 Sam. 31:13).
1
Wayne Grudem, Systematic Theology: An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House,
1994), p. 814.
3
V. PURPOSES OF FUNERALS
4. Funerals allow people the opportunity to remember the highlights of a person’s life.
VI. ON THE DAY OF THE SERVICE (WHEN THE SERVICE IS AT THE FUNERAL HOME)
Check in with the funeral director to receive clergy card and honorarium.
Give a copy of the order of service to the organist or piano player and review it with them.
If possible, spend some quiet time in an office alone to pray and review the service.
If there is a viewing following the service, stand in an appropriate place near the casket as people are
led forward by the funeral staff.
Visit with the family at the casket when everyone else has left.
After the family leaves, remain there until the funeral director closes and secures the casket. This can
help prevent theft by an unscrupulous funeral director.
Organ prelude
Greeting
Scripture reading
Traditional Passages:
Ps. 23; 90; 91; 116; 121 Rev. 21:1-5; 22:1-5
2 Cor. 5:1-9 1 Cor. 15:50-58
John 14:1-6 Rom. 8:28-39
Prayer
Solo or Hymn (Two songs throughout service is good. Maximum for a funeral is three.)
Eulogy
Non-Christian: Have a family member write down two or three paragraphs about the person.
For example, his/her education, job accomplishments, fond memories with, who he/she is
survived by, etc. When possible, tactfully go over their notes with them to prevent inappropriate
comments.
Christian: Background, testimony, ministries, fond memories, etc. If family members wish to
speak, have it preplanned (not open to the congregation) and keep it to a minimum, maybe 1-3.
More than 2-3 people gets unwieldy! Go over their notes with them and have them keep it under
3 minutes each.
Non-Christian: Explain the gospel from selected scripture (e.g. Rom. 6:23; Ps. 90) or
appropriate themes (e.g., heaven, hope, lessons one can learn from the death of a loved one).
5
Christian: Look through the person’s Bible for sermon material. (See example listed below*.)
Share the gospel based upon the person’s spiritual attributes.
Solo/Hymn
Benediction
Postlude
• Place a call or write to the family within two weeks following the funeral service.
• Invite the family to church. If the family is already connected with your church, get them back
into the flow of body life as soon as possible.
• Be available to counsel if someone needs help dealing biblically with their grief.
• When appropriate, offer to be present with the family when the headstone is placed at the grave
(appx. 1-2 months after the inscription is submitted).
• Visit the family in their home.
• Encourage church members to follow up with visits, counsel, meals, help in the home, and so
forth.
• Send a card to a widow/widower on the wedding anniversary.
• Send a card to the family on the date of the deceased’s birth and death. This is especially
important for the first and second year.
• Encourage another church family to “adopt” the grieving family.
• Continue your ministry to the grieving until they can comfort others with the comfort they have
received (2 Cor. 1:3-5). Get them involved in ministering to others.
• You can have a profound impact on people in and around your church by shepherding them
through difficult times!