FUTURE TWEETS FROM A BLIND DEAF MAN 140 poems or less written in 140 characters or less

#thingsthatnevermean2see the light

horrible horrible day i wonder if i can t this terror within one hundred and forty fucking characters: was walking down the street when al

were all horizontal, we just havent realized we dont walk on the ground or the ceiling yet

@death: take me, take me away from this place, youve stolen everything else so far

what the fuck are you talking about RT @steveirwincrikey! im dyin here!

Later: i watched a man die before my feet. i couldnt see the harm.

THE TV HAD ON ELLEN TODAY so shes a lesbian and shes funny? what a poor sitcom idea

i couldnt get outside so i looked at an inspirational calendar of sunsets and wished i got out more often.

YOU HAVE LEFT ME: i f e e l e m p t y.

YOU THREATEN TO LEAVE ME: i cry, i cry on your shoulder but you shove me off and tell me to get with the tv guide

Alternatively: YOU THREATEN TO LEAVE ME: i looked at the sun today. i felt like the characters from ice age.

DEATH FINALLY REPLIES: @tearseas: but the war is over, violence is meaningless

MY MIND SHIFTS A THIRD TIME: i cry. i am empty. ll me up, buttercup baby.

Alternatively: MY MIND SHIFTS A THIRD TIME: i am angry, why would this happen?

AN ISSUE WITH HUMAN EMPATHY: i feel closer to people on the internet than i do in real life.

im looking at all the steam sales but nothing catches my eye. i see what games i have, i see your avatar. i miss you.

ALTERNATIVELY: #imbrowsingsteam #indyour #avatar #itremindsmehowwearedistant

MUSING AT A JOB I ALMOST CRIED AT: this job is too edgy i almost always cut myself

ALONE ONLINE IS A BLACK ABYSS: no one favorites or retweets me. i never gain any followers.

Alternatively: DEATH FINALLY REPLIES: @tearseas k wil b thr soon, b wearing a revealing tanktop, i wil b the spectre in the red corvette

HELEN KELLER ON THE INTERNET: and yet another thing i am unable to fully understand. i shall know it better than the rest.

ROCKS ROCKS ROCKS ROCKS: im crying, why would you do this to me

FUZZY SLIPPERS: i wrote a poem about how you are like dirty, unwashed, horrid slippers. i love you.

HASHTAG HOW YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME SO I CAN SEE WHAT IM DOING WRONG: no man is an island. no man stands alone. dont touch me, you shit.

YOUR AWAY: someone said when something is absent, freedom rings. my heart has been wrung too hard by your absence.

FUNNY LITTLE DOGS: these people come into my store and ask me how im doing just to laugh at my emotions. i would too, im pathetic.

THE PERSPIRATION OF LOVE: long distance calls for cheap viagra upon your door like sodom roses at the end of the christ-bitten world

Alternatively: THE PERSPIRATION OF LOVE: the overbearing indecency of the sociological mores placed upon genders in certain situations is n

@williamcarloswilliams was the rst twitter poet.

i mention you to my friends in conversation so it feels like you with me.

HOW I SLEEP AT NIGHT: i curl up all freudian and think about holding you.

HOW OBAMA SLEEPS AT NIGHT: i curl up next to my wife and dont sleep until i forget who i am.

ASK ME ANYTHING: please ask me naughty things, even though ill pretend to be sickened.

TWEETS TO THE BLIND DEAF MAN: how r u typin this u must b like 5 lol I nd you to be a sad man who simply regrets his psychopathy.

HELP FROM THE DRUNKEN STEREO: welcome to WOFR, the only station with 24/7 auto-tuned dog barks, except for this singular moment!

i found a homeless man on the sidewalk, he lives on the streets of an internet caf

what would dante say, the italian, what would he write about in this industrial wonderland?

LAUGHS AT THE CORNER OF HALF AND HALF AND WHOLE: wow you paid less than $5 for coffee? are you poor or stupid?

you wont come on: YOU WONT COME ON: YOU WONT COME ON; YOU WONT COME ON[ ;YOU WONT COME ON{ !

LONE LIE NESS: staring off the tallest building realizing that countless people died for this one moment, here you are tweeting about it.

Alternatively: LONELINESS: i have everyone at my disposal, i can talk to anyone. i cant shake the feeling im talking to myself.

FAR AWAY FREEDOM STARTS AT THREE NINETY NINE: i wanna take a bus or plain or fucking elephant as far away from this place as humanly possible

LOST ENERGY THAT CANNOT BE ACCOUNTED: all of my ngers are falling off, my toes are crooked, my teeth are straight and white and rotting

DESPONDENCE: alternatively: breakdancing: wildly inging myself around and hoping to land on a slice of pizza

HOLLEN DAISY: i picked for you in the pastures of miracle whip, this fragrant sign of pagan worship, hohoho

WERE ALL A BIT LIKE PRISONERS SOMETIMES: hundreds of millions typed in their blank isolation chambers; they had never known the touch of the

YOU TOOK OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES, YOU LEFT THEM THERE AND TOUCHED ME, FOR THE FIRST TIME I FELT: love, warmth, slight repulsion, one small fear

on the internet, you wont come on, im afraid youve left me and dont love me anymore

golden oreos, they look like little suns, they look like little bastard children or knock off oreos

#idontwant 2 die #alone. #ijustwant to live 4ever alone.

you took a picture of my ass in the restroom. nice butt you said. thats love.

i want to spread icy hot over a piece of toast instead of butter and live my life as a bipolar elemental.

theres silence, except for the gurgling of saliva.

i want a program that shufes all my letters around and makes it look like i dont know how to properly spell things.

PHONE SAND WITCH: a classic pun relating to the eeting of how digital life is like a mouthful of sand or seawater.

its fun how on the internet you can pretend to know someone because its really easy to nd out their name and stuff.

its scary how on the internet you can pretend to know someone because its really easy to nd out their name and stuff.

i heard i have low statin levels, i heard i have low testosterone levels (low t), i heard i have low rider dont drive too fast.

i pluck from my eyebrows needles that didnt quite reject my body.

this post will be the american psycho music chapter of my twitter career.

follow up to the great love tail TITANIC comes TITANIC 3: TWO LARGE CRUISELINERS HIT AN ICY PATCH IN THEIR 40 YEAR UNSINKABLE MARRIAGE.

i have a picture of me and a picture of you, ill pretend were together.

no cat could ever replace the words that you massaged into my loins with scissors and bolo knives

i ordered a pineapple upside down latt, it all spilled on the oor

i cannot retain my sanity, much like how a sponge cannot retain water.

i caught the reection of you in my rear view mirror: tie me up and take me wherever you want, rob me of everything i got

CONCEPT OF CONCEPTION: im not sure if im ready to have novels published with you.

HE WALKED APRON THE SANDS: i cannot cook, captain kirk, i am no capn crunch, im just a caddy for the hells kitchen guy.

dont pick up my shattered heart up, no, you smashed it upon the ground, no, this isnt me being passively aggressive, im being sincere

HOW TO MANGLE A TREASURE HEARTIFACT: i just said to go away and forget i even exist.

Alternatively, HOW TO DEPRECIATE AND ERASE YOUR SHELF WORTHINESS: i just said to go away and forget i even exist.

i will always be on your doorstep with a copy of your favorite album and your favorite memory of us holding hands.

I CAN DO THIS, I SWEAR: im stable, im not a rocker, im a three legged stool. hahaha, i guess thats kind of dirty.

MORE TWEETS TO THE BLIND AND DEAF MAN: she dint lik u man srsly get off her back she sed she doesnt lik u nemore

i was walking down the sidewalk at night looking at the neon lights in the reection of my sunglasses and stepped on all the cracks.

i wonder if lizards get bad B.O. from laying out in the sun too long

im a sunburnt pizza in a dumbster and im trying to cheese my way out of this stupid school reunion.

GEODES: youre a rey soul with an icy heart, youre solid like a metal gear.

im a silent protagonist. you are just another character that, like me, just runs around on a set path.

at the retirement home with my grandma and her friends #bitchmob #taskforce

WASTED LIKE A DRUNKEN OPTIMIST: cherry sundaes, everything he eats he, and look at his, hes slurring everything he

I WAIT PATENTLY: lets buy matching scrub brushes so we always have at least this in common.

ARGUING WITH A FRIEND OVER WHO PAYS FOR DINNER: who are you, who who, who who? who do you think you are?

looking at myself in the mirror after a hangover is as appealing as looking at my room after a hangover.

i am afraid of things coming back to haunt me: your clothes hanging in my doorways and on my furniture, your feet at the foot of my bed.

i miss the weird colored underwear you had in your drawer, but never wore.

i wonder if @death was a woman, what she would look naked. would you die if you tried to have sex with her?

DEATH REPLIES AGAIN: @tearseas id b th hottestbitch n mak every1 my bitch

i think counter culture is dependent on the same stuff they use in cheese and sour cream.

i remember the time you sat on my lap, the oorboards creaked, my heart leapt, i almost threw up.

youre like a secret santa that eludes me and gives me ashes of their underwear because youre comfortable with your body.

i want to be a slightly irrational scientist. then maybe ill go for my mad doctorate.

BRAGGING RITES: she had syrupy thighs that made your tongue water and a butt like a pancake

what im saying is that #yourjustnotmytype

you use this weird detergent, it makes me break out in hives when i accidentally use it, but it smells amazing.

i laugh at my own tweets, i think im pretty fucking hilarious.

#iwishicould @seein #hashtags

we were like childhood friends that nally dated, i liked to pretend we were, i liked to make up stories that i cant tell anyone anymore.

maybe im paranoid, maybe i have obsessive thoughts, maybe it makes me insane, and maybe i can use it to become a genius

sex makes me feel weird, sex feels weird, its pretty good, but man its kind of weird.

TRUE RELAY STATIONS: you skew all your aws into jokes and i think its pretty cute if not incredibly distressing

i could go for a kiss off your peppermint striped lips, candy pants.

ill stay up til the internet company tells me to get off the computer and go to sleep already.

ill always have a telephone line that goes directly to my heart, and youll always have the number.

did you throw out all my things, did you do that on porpoise or should i start slaughtering you with awful puns until you tell me the truth?

i wont lie, i think about you and touch myself sometimes.

i irt with using tools the right way, and using no tools at all. i also irt with danger and being attractive.

sometimes i write kind of awkward sentences that sometimes make sense but are awful grating to the ear most of the times.

paraguay? URUGUAY. #punstars

EX-STACY TRAFFICKERS: baggies with little sentences you write, i mash em up and sniff a line, i feel your warm embrace for a second.

everyones saying all these things about skeletons, i dont give two shits about skeletons, but fuck, id never want to see my own eyeballs.

i miss your really poorly executed english accents, and the curl your cheeks make when you smile.

HUGS-A-BILLION: id never shortsell your hugs. id take a mortgage out for your hugs. youre a good hugger.

i dont want to wait to see you, i want a channel like CSPAN except your face, not old men.

Alternatively: EX-STACY TRAFFICKERS: i think im addicted to you, whoever brought you in this world mustve broke some law in doing so.

i get that you forget me, i forget me sometimes too.

i wanna give everything up and win you back (how would i do it? spend all my money on cars and whatever women like)

AREOLA: i remember one time, i saw your nipslip, and you gave me a silly smirk like you meant that even though it was a mistake

I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU: youre really great, like, i cant believe i ever found anyone like you, seriously

WE NEED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER: youre the kind of person that makes me not care about being smart and makes me just happy

SOME LAST TWEETS BEFORE WE PACK IT IN: @tearseas hey man, i see ur doin well, good 4 u thanks @death

Alternatively: I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU: its actually pretty scary, i can think about you for hours, i wouldnt really mind it either

STICK TO IT: i test you, ing you to the wall like spaghetti, see if you stick, you come back and plant a kiss on my cheek

BREAKING BAD: i wanna do a bunch of bad stuff to prove how much i really love you and all, but i know you dont want me to, heres this tweet

CATHARSIS: Alternatively: how i broke free from my fear, i dont know, but im happy i did, because i realized how lucky i am