Professional Documents
Culture Documents
LIFE/STYLE for people who dont give a flying feck june 2013
As stated in the call for submissions, Miz Bagg has liberally exercised her right to fiddle- faddle with the photos. Remember you asked for it.
VOGOFF is published by Miz Bagg and her haggard assistant Melanie at Bag and a Beret. The views expressed in VOGOFF do not exist, and if they do, you heard it here first. HEAD OFFICE: in my mind DISTRIBUTION MANAGER: Whaaa? FASHION EDITOR: No comment. Anyway, its not my fault. COVER GIRL: Shelley of Forest City Fashionista
IN THIS ISSUE
4 FASHION TRENDS FEAT. MADAME VIX MUST-HAVE ACCESSORIES COVER GIRL SHELLEY: MY GLAMOROUS LIFE MS LE DERRIERE - Ungodly Antics on HER ESTATE DR HETTIE HACKENBUSH Overexposed! FIGHTING THE SIGNS OF AGING AND OTHER COOL STUFF in no particular order
DRESSING FOR SHOPPING This move is not recommended for novice divas, Ms Fatale cautions. Ill never forget when my Harmez scarf got caught in the conveyor belt. Bedlam ensued in the store and later on in my penthouse with that sweet fireman.
DIVA AT CHECK-OUT 4. REPEAT: DIVA AT CHECK-OUT 4. PLEASE SEND FOR BACK-UP. POSSIBLE FEMME FATALE MAY BE DANGEROUS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
Its a battle to maintain my delicate complexion. I always do my best fighting in places that are filthy and smelly, wearing comfortable footwear, for example
Wearing: white underwear wedgie style, jeggings pulled down, comfortable shoes, 20s- style bathing suit, swimming goggles
OOOOO OOOOO OOOOO OOOOO AM I FIGHTING the SIGNS OF AGING? OOOOO OOOOO OOOOO OOOOO
S E R I O U S L Y !?
FAMOUS MISS DEE DEE CAUGHT RAINBOWHANDED OUTSIDE an EXCLUSIVE PLASTIC SURGEONS CLINIC
fighting with
What I love about skin is its so, well, its so stretchy. You know what I mean? - Miss Dee Dee
Miss Dee Dee of blog Hello the Mushroom
aging plastic
cover girl Shelley of Forest City Fashionista in a pink negligee, Fred wears real fur
style PORN
You are, no doubt, dear reader, familiar with the situation. One jets off on one's annual break, misses the latest publication of VOGOFF and fails to notice that one's bathing attire has gone off-trend. The shame of facing fellow holiday-makers whilst wearing outmoded designs means confining ones self to one's room for the remainder of the vacation, missing out on all the fun. Despair no longer. VOFFOFF is proud to exclusively reveal Madam Vix's latest collection
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B.A.S.T.A.R.D. beachwear by Madame Vix
It's the first clothing range in the world to be vegan, 100% organic, gluten- and paraben-free and, rest assured dear readers, the YoovBin-Ads don't get a penny from Madame Vix enabling them to continue in production without getting all hoitytoity.
Prices start at a reassuring $25,000 per square inch and will only be stocked in the most exclusive department stores. Don't forget to show your June 2013 publication of VOGOFF at the till to qualify for a 25% price increase.
TULLE
Anne M Bray of Spy Girl wears black nylon/spandex bubble knit tube dress (Trash & Vaudeville, NYC, 80s), pink tulle petticoat (Cowboy and Poodles, LA, 80s), red/black striped leggings (Betsy Johnson, 79?), booties (Norman Kamali, 85), African bracelets and necklaces (Jone Pasha, Providence RI, 80s), jumbo chain necklace (The Front Porch, Providence RI, 80s), vintage sunglasses (optician, Providence, RI, 80s), gingham yardage (Guess sample yardage sale, 86)
TULLE
me
aint
it
SO
Thrift Shop Commando Tammi Von Zalez wears tulle headpiece made from a dolls dress, pink readers with gemstone inlay, Le Femme dress with embroidery detail, Bill Blass hot-pink-lined curly lamb jacket. All thrifted except pearls.
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animal print platform booties for housework
Ed. note: This look won the Excellent Housewife Style Award for 2013. Big thanks to the Mega Fashion Rulers of the Universe Association.
je truly unique but i can obe fashion is advertising owhenever i want laughte r makes the world spin so have spewing BEST flowers thats to use
because
where
ofreedom lives either oguibble feel like it. if i act drunk im amateur want to and i dont cr have to be professional to try something new in fact, it helps if im blissfully unaware sublimey where days count just fabric on flesh crinolining in
so l ip s is tic , so ph omori c and self-indulgent? are iconic i endorphins herever i go and i passion to o do ridiculous stay alive almost feels like flying. if i act sucking in beauty. at every possible mome.nt to
style is charact.er
be o
trying new things keeps breath new in fact, it help.s if im big to GROW AND BE .BOLD - - - - - - -
simple. nothing : the store now available at these global geographic positions:
49.203243,-124.848633 40.713956,-96.635742 -33.72434,-70.576172 46.860191,9.667969 -43.004647,147.304688
I blow and they come running. Its rather awkward but naughty fun.
VOGOFF EXCLUSIVE
cultural icon MS LE DERRIERE: SHOCKING UNGODLY DECADENCE IN THE ENGLISH COUNTRYSIDE. WE WANT IT.
SINCE THE RELEASE OF MS CLEMENTINE LE DERRIEREs LATEST BESTSELLER, DUST, BAKE, FELLATE, SHE HAS BEEN RAISING EYEBROWS AND OTHER ANATOMICAL BITS ACROSS THE UNITED KINGDOM AND INDEED THE UNIVERSE. THE BEST THING ABOUT HELP IS THAT THEY HELP, MS LE DERRIERE TRILLED. WHO WOULDNT WANT MY LIFE?
SHE BEATS ME IF I DONT BRING THE PHONE QUICK ENOUGH, SAID MS LE DERRIERES ASSISTANT JACINTA DA MINTA. SOMETIMES I HAVE TO RUN 5 KM AND THE CORD GETS STUCK IN THE SHRUBBERY. SHE THINKS THAT JUST BECAUSE SHES TALKING TO THE QUEEN AGAIN SHE DOESNT HAVE TO BEHAVE LIKE A CIVILIZED HUMAN BEING, MS DA MINTA SNIFFED.
On the phone with the Royals even during our photo shoot. Ms Le Derriere is on everyones A List.
OUTRAGEOUS!!
FROM HER COUNTRY ESTATE CLEMENTINE SHARED HER NEXT SHOCKING PLANS WITH VOGOFF READERS (NEXT PG)
"I have big plans! I am organising an exclusive boutique festival to be held in the grounds of my house this summer. ClemFest will celebrate my favourite arts - music, fashion, and the oft-forgotten art of love. Free love. (Ticket prices start from 20,000.) I will be available for private relationship consultations and demonstrations - for an additional fee. I want ClemFest to be the new Glastonbury, but with more expensive drugs and better toilet facilities. This summer, let's really go wild in the country.
ioioioioioioioioioioio ioioioioioioioioioioi
melanie in shoe-o-clava
(hallucinatory )
Synchronized swimming celebrities Kiki and Bunny model their latest designs for the Canadian womens Oh!Limpiques team. Kiki left: sequin tube top, slacks, and jacket with cutting-edge fish-scale technology; Bunny right: gold bodysuit with faux fur trim for enhanced walrus-like manoeuvrability. Both wear SUPER LUBE eye makeup to reduce facial drag. (photos by Le Jeremy)
As those in the know already know, the shameless Dr Hettie Hackenbush, Physicist, Time Traveller, Poet and Homewrecker has been at it again. Our reporter spotted the stumbling hussy as she returned to her accommodation early this morning
At first Dr Hackenbush chatted happily with our roving reporter, still obviously flushed from her evening's activities and apparently unaware that she had somehow lost her dress and was loitering in the street in her foundation garments. However, once she sobered sufficiently to notice her disgraceful state, she attempted to remove the film from our reporter's camera. A rather unpleasant scene ensued, which unfortunately had to be resolved by a visit from the local constabulary and the attempted arrest of the good doctor, who disappeared during the melee and is believed to have returned to 2013. It is thought that she was in town having 'talks' with Mr Errol Flynn, with whom the diabolical dame has previously been linked in 1949 and 1945. Mr Flynn could not be reached for comment. As usual, the dastardly doctor may return at any time without notice, so lock up your husbands, ladies.
Dr Hackenbush's hugely popular latest collection of poetry 'I want to rape you in the face with my love' has recently been shortlisted for the Nobel Prize for Literature.
cover girl Shelley of Forest City Fashionista wears Gatsby-inspired haute couture, thrifted, $7
SOMETIMES ITS BETTER NOT TO KNOW WHERE YOURE GOING BUT WHITE LIPSTICK WILL GET YOU THERE
filed by
What sort of woman reads VOGOFF? The sort of woman who is sharp as a knife; she lives on the edge, with a cutting wit and razor-like instincts. A woman who knows what she wants, and knows where to get it. She's got a big blade and she's not afraid to use it. Fact: VOGOFF is read by 73% of all women who have their own sword and who frock up to kill - literally. If youre ready to hack off your slab of the good life, let VOGOFF show you how its done bloody rare.
Note from Miz Baggs assistant, Melanie of Bag and a Beret: Greetings. You may be wondering where Miz Bagg is. Well, as much as I hate speaking ill of others, Miz Bagg was the biggest feckin biatch when preparing this issue, so I couldnt help sending her on a bogus Fall/Winter 2014 shoot in sub-Saharan Africa. Knowing Her Royal Baggness, she will just end up inventing a miracle facial unguent from rare bat saliva or toxic bug droppings while shes gone, then breathlessly inform me upon her triumphal return that I am to be the first human test subject. We received so many amazeballs submissions for this issue but sadly couldnt fit everyone in. Youve all been stellar and we hope you will VOG with us again. Until next time. Keep thinking with your brain wang. THANKS TO VOGOFF CONTRIBUTORS in no particular order: Shelley of Forest City Fashionista Curtise (Ms Clementine Le Derriere) of The Secondhand Years Sarah (Dr Hettie Hackenbush) of Misfits Vintage Vix (Madame Vix) of Vintage Vixen Sandra of Lens is More Hollie of Modern Colours Ariane of Style Sud-Est Anne M Bray of Spy Girl Sara (Miss Dee Dee) of Hello the Mushroom Tammi Von Zalez of Thrift Shop Commando Desiree of Pull Your Socks Up Val Sparkle of Late Blooming Sparkle Helga, Helga von Trollop Kiki and Bunny: (contact via Melanie)