fhis is taken frcn Bo Sanchez book How to Find your OfL, Book 2

Are You Dannyand Doreenthe Distant?

The Problemoflsolationandthe Fearoflriimacy

Dannyalwayswanls to be in coftro. So when a girl is geltingtoo closehe

unconsciousy backaway.By opening lo hef he giveshera levelofinfluence
himself
overhis ife that he ilndsscary. feel smothered,he says.Dannyhas a fearof

Doreenhasbeenhurt n lhe pasthavethesamefear,of if theyareabandoned And

aLsoiI theydoni ikeihemseves
Doreen is sucha womar.whena guyis gettingcloser run, shesays.Herreason?
'
"Lknowhewont I kewhathell see I can'ttakeanymorecriiicism
Anoiherexpression ofihe problemof isoationis whenwe haveexcessiveLy highand
'Hes roi tal enough,'or'Hes no r ch
limilingslandards.Hes noisma.lenough or
enough. Relgiouspeoplecanaso be distancing themselves frompolenlial
spouse
by insisting on rigidstandards lhat havenolhingto do wih rea spnitua
of religiosiiy

CaseAnalysisof Oannyand Doreenthe Distant

lsolation
lhrough theseprctectivodevices:
1. Needforconlrcl
2. ExircmeLy highexpectationsandslandadsforpartners
standa'ds
3. Rigidlellgious
Fearot intimacy- fearoi losingco.lro ard iearofcrilicrsm
wil nevermarry
DannyandOoreen

wil gei marriedbut wll

spolse,alwaysinsualedby

Ityou donl openyourself youwon1openyouFelr

to beingrejected,
to beinsgenuinely
loved.

Danry and Doreenhavelo

1 Fea iherwoundedself-wonhTheycanrol g ve wharlheydo
.ol have,so ihey needGods loveio heallhem,lheyneedio
eceve the mperfectove ofolheB and lhey needto earr lo
lovethemseives more.
2. l,,lakesmal siepsiowads beingvulnerableperhapsdong rt
wilh triendsiirsl
3. Undersiand lhe lulerdeiiniiionotlove - noljlsl rcmanticove
bui agapelove- wh ch requres the deathof seiishnessand
thepreciousglftoi beingvuLnerableto olheF.