Professional Documents
Culture Documents
F r o m the r e v i e w s :
' A d e b u t o f c o n s i d e r a b l e quality.' R o b e r t M a c f a r l a n e ,
Sunday Times
PAUL B R O K S
Atlantic B o o k s
London
F i r s t published in h a r d b a c k in G r e a t Britain in 2003
b y Atlantic B o o k s , a n imprint o f G r o v e Atlantic L t d
C o p y r i g h t © Paul B r o k s 2003
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
I S B N 184354 0 3 4 7
Atlantic B o o k s
A n imprint o f G r o v e Atlantic L t d
Ormond House
2 6 - 2 7 Boswell Street
London
W C 1 N 3JZ
For Sonja, Daniel and Jonathan
The brain is wider than the sky,
For, put them side by side,
The one the other will include
With ease, and you beside.
Emily Dickinson
C O N T E N T S
Different Lives 3
Soul in a Bucket 42
In the Theatre 57
A-Z 65
The Mirror 67
Gulls 226
Acknowledgements 246
ONE
'Michael,' s h e s a y s , w i t h o u t l o o k i n g u p .
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PAUL B R O K S
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
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PAUL B R O K S
***
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I N T O T H E S I L E N T L A N D
H e ' s b e e n d o i n g o n e o f his p a r t y p i e c e s : c a l e n d a r c a l c u l a t i o n .
Martin can g i v e y o u the d a y o f the w e e k for a n y d a t e y o u c a r e t o
mention, a n d h e ' s s p o t o n e v e r y t i m e , s e l d o m t a k i n g m o r e than
a couple of seconds. H e ' s happy to oblige and seems d i s a p -
pointed w h e n I s o o n run o u t of d a t e s I can v o u c h for.
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PAUL B R O K S
c a s u a l attire, h e i s v o l u b l e . B e f o r e l o n g , inevitably, h e d r o p s
into the g r o o v e o f his special interests. T h e r e are s e v e r a l . O n e i s
the B e a t l e s . H e k n o w s the r e c o r d i n g a n d release d a t e s o f e v e r y
r e c o r d . A n o t h e r i s the r a i l w a y s . H e h a s m e m o r i z e d the regional
t i m e t a b l e , o f c o u r s e , b u t w h a t really fascinates him i s the m o v e -
m e n t o f c o a l freight w a g o n s . T h e n there i s a s t r o n o m y , which,
currently, is his m a i n p r e o c c u p a t i o n .
I t h o u g h t this w o u l d i m p r e s s h i m , but h e i g n o r e s m e . H e
b e c o m e s a g i t a t e d , starts r o c k i n g b a c k a n d forth o n the e d g e o f
his s e a t . W h e n h e s t o p s h e s a y s , ' I d o n ' t think s o . '
I a s k h i m if he thinks there is intelligent life o u t there a m o n g
all t h o s e g r a i n s o f s a n d . H e l o o k s p u z z l e d a n d I realize h e ' s
taken the q u e s t i o n literally, so I clarify. A g a i n , the grin.
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
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PAUL B R O K S
s o m e t i m e s , h e b e l i e v e s . F o r b r i e f p e r i o d s the w o r l d takes o n
a different a p p e a r a n c e . He is m o r e relaxed and it is less of an
effort t o c o n n e c t with p e o p l e . T h i s i s w h e r e masturbation
c o m e s in: o r g a s m d e t o n a t e s a d a m - b u s t i n g e x p l o s i o n in the
right h e m i s p h e r e .
* * *
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
It w o u l d be a w e e k b e f o r e s h e o p e n e d her e y e s . B u t s h e w a s
not d e a d . A n d t h r o u g h the tunnel of intensive c a r e — s h e in
c o m a , he c o n s c i o u s n e s s flayed — E l l i e ' s father f o u n d the
strength not t o pray. H i s p r a y e r l e s s v i g i l w a s r e w a r d e d . E l l i e
r e c o v e r e d a n d , m o n t h s later, returned t o s c h o o l . H e d r o p p e d
her o f f a t the g a t e a n d s a y s h e b l u b b e r e d s o m u c h o n the d r i v e t o
w o r k h e h a d t o stop the car. J o y c a n b e s o p r o f o u n d i t b o r d e r s
on grief.
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PAUL B R O K S
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
* * *
M r s O ' G r a d y i s s h o w i n g m e p h o t o g r a p h s . T h e r e a r e three
a l b u m s o p e n e d out o n the coffee table. T h e r e s h e i s a t K a t i e ' s
w e d d i n g ; small, n e r v o u s , and neat in a p a l e g r e e n suit. T w o
m o n t h s on, there s h e is at S t e p h a n i e ' s . B e i g e this time.
' I feel guilty,' s h e confides. ' I still h a v e n ' t told S t e p h . D o y o u
think I s h o u l d ? '
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PAUL B R O K S
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
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PAUL B R O K S
H o w c o n v e n i e n t i t w o u l d b e s o m e t i m e s t o turn off c o n -
s c i o u s n e s s a n d c a r r y o n with o r d i n a r y b e h a v i o u r . I m a g i n e
flicking a switch on difficult d a y s a n d flipping into oblivion,
k n o w i n g that y o u r b o d y will c o n t i n u e g o i n g a b o u t its n o r m a l
b u s i n e s s . N o o n e w o u l d notice. A p r e - p r o g r a m m e d w a k e - u p
call w o u l d return y o u to sentience in time for a film or the
football. C o n t r o l l e d a u t o m a t i s m m i g h t b e preferable t o p e r i o d s
o f p h y s i c a l o r e m o t i o n a l d i s c o m f o r t , o r sheer b o r e d o m . I f
e v e r y o n e h a d a c o n s c i o u s n e s s switch then the w o r l d , m o s t of
the t i m e , w o u l d b e t e e m i n g with z o m b i e s . P e r h a p s i t a l r e a d y is.
W h a t t r o u b l e s M r s O ' G r a d y i s that s h e r e m e m b e r s o n e
w e d d i n g and n o t the other: K a t i e ' s , but not S t e p h ' s . I t s e e m s
unfair. I n truth, s h e s a y s , i t ' s not s o m u c h that s h e can't r e m e m -
b e r as the feeling that s h e w a s n ' t actually there. L i k e she didn't
b o t h e r to turn up. I ' m not g o i n g to d e b a t e it with her a n d , for
her o w n p e a c e of m i n d , I think s h e s h o u l d talk it t h r o u g h with
her d a u g h t e r s . B u t if they c o u l d n ' t tell, what difference d o e s
it m a k e ?
L a t e r , l y i n g in b e d , I c o n f e s s to my wife that I am a z o m b i e .
We h a d a malfunction with the transcranial m a g n e t i c s t i m u l a -
tor. It z a p p e d my a w a r e n e s s m o d u l e . I t h o u g h t she s h o u l d know,
b u t b e s t not b r e a k it to the k i d s just yet. I s a y I h o p e it w o n ' t
c h a n g e the w a y s h e feels a b o u t m e . S h e i s a l r e a d y asleep.
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The Space behind the Face
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PAUL B R O K S
O n e o f the patients w a s a s e v e n t e e n - y e a r - o l d b o y w h o h a d
s t e p p e d into an e m p t y lift shaft t h r o u g h which he fell three
f l o o r s , a l m o s t t o his d e a t h . T h e s u r g e o n s h a d d o n e their b e s t t o
p i e c e him t o g e t h e r a g a i n , b u t n o w the d o m e o f his s h a v e n head
w a s a s y m m e t r i c a l : c o n v e x on the right, c o n c a v e on the left, with
a d e e p o v a l d e p r e s s i o n like the shell of a h a r d - b o i l e d e g g
c r a c k e d with a s p o o n .
T h e p r i a p i s m w a s a f i n a l , h u m i l i a t i n g twist. D u e t o a quirk o f
the d a m a g e t o his n e r v o u s s y s t e m h e w a s continually troubled
by a painful erection. T h e y o u n g w o m e n t e n d i n g h i m — n u r s e s ,
p h y s i o s , a n d o c c u p a t i o n a l therapists — p r e t e n d e d not to notice.
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N o w m y o w n s o n h a s t u r n e d s e v e n t e e n , the s a m e a g e a s the
eggshell boy. H e w a s i n the v o i d o f pre-birth w h e n o u r friend
m a d e his lonely d e s c e n t t h r o u g h the lift shaft. T o disturb s o m e -
o n e from a state of n o n - e x i s t e n c e is a terrible responsibility.
L o o k a t w h a t can h a p p e n .
I h a v e a m e m o r y o f b e i n g with m y s o n w h e n h e w a s four
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PAUL B R O K S
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
* * *
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The Seahorse and the Almond
W h i s k y o n t o p o f w i n e w a s a m i s t a k e . T h i s m o r n i n g i t h a s left
m e feeling fractionally t o o e m b o d i e d ; t o o a w a r e o f the w e i g h t
a n d m o v e m e n t o f m y h e a d , the b u l k o f m y t o n g u e .
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PAUL B R O K S
H e r b o y f r i e n d , w h o s e n a m e I h a v e forgotten, is less s a n -
g u i n e . U n l i k e N a o m i , h e can s e e the possibility o f failure. H e
u n d e r s t a n d s that the o p e r a t i o n m i g h t not w o r k . ' Y o u ' r e such a
p e s s i m i s t , ' N a o m i told h i m w h e n I s a w them b o t h in the clinic.
I ' d be the s a m e . Be troubled, Naomi. A little. The surgeon, if he
gets his hands on you, is going to open your head and take a piece
of you away. Too much faith and expectation can be counter-
productive. I think these things, but this is not the time to v o i c e
my c o n c e r n s . It is a time for unconditional r e a s s u r a n c e - not my
s t r o n g e s t suit, b u t a n e c e s s a r y part of the repertoire, and well
practised.
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
My c o l l e a g u e a r r i v e s c a r r y i n g a c l i p b o a r d , a s t o p w a t c h , a n d
two b l a c k r i n g - b i n d e r s . O n her w a y into the a n g i o suite s h e
e x c h a n g e s s m i l e s a n d w o r d s with N a o m i , w h o s e b e d h a s n o w
m o v e d c l o s e r t o the m a i n d o o r . T h e r e ' s a s m i l e for m e t o o . S h e
already k n o w s a b o u t the d e l a y with the A m y t a l . T i m e for a
coffee. We sit next to the m a c h i n e that spills o u t the X - r a y n e g -
atives and flip t h r o u g h N a o m i ' s c a s e n o t e s . H e r h i s t o r y i s
u n r e m a r k a b l e . It all started with a fever w h e n s h e w a s s m a l l .
S h e ' d b e e n o f f c o l o u r for a c o u p l e o f d a y s , then s e e m e d t o p i c k
up. H e r m o t h e r w a s n ' t s u r e , b u t in the end d r o p p e d her o f f at
n u r s e r y school o n the w a y t o w o r k .
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
D e s p i t e inventive c o c k t a i l s o f anti-epileptic m e d i c a t i o n , w i t h
d o s a g e s a l m o s t t o toxic levels, the f r e q u e n c y o f N a o m i ' s
seizures h a s steadily i n c r e a s e d . N o w she g e t s t h e m a l m o s t e v e r y
day. S h e is d e s p e r a t e for a c u r e a n d w i l l i n g to take risks.
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PAUL B R O K S
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
S u c h things h a p p e n e d in the e a r l y d a y s of e p i l e p s y s u r g e r y . A
handful o f p e o p l e , m o s t f a m o u s l y a y o u n g m e c h a n i c k n o w n a s
patient ' H M ' , e n d e d u p with d e n s e a n d i r r e v e r s i b l e a m n e s i a ,
unable to retain n e w i n f o r m a t i o n for m o r e than a few m i n u t e s at
a time, and s o u n a b l e t o establish m e m o r i e s . Y o u c o u l d visit H M
e v e r y d a y for a y e a r and each time he w o u l d g r e e t y o u as a
stranger. L e a v e the r o o m for ten m i n u t e s a n d o n y o u r return h e
w o u l d h a v e n o idea w h o y o u w e r e .
I f the h i p p o c a m p u s i s the g a t e w a y t o m e m o r y , o n e c a n p i c -
ture the a m y g d a l a as h o u s i n g the l e v e r s of e m o t i o n . It links the
i n f o r m a t i o n - p r o c e s s i n g activities o f the higher, cortical a r e a s o f
the brain — the m a c h i n e r i e s of l a n g u a g e , p e r c e p t i o n , a n d
rational t h o u g h t — to d e e p e r , o l d e r structures c o n c e r n e d with
the regulation of e m o t i o n and m o t i v a t i o n . In short, it tells us
h o w t o feel a b o u t what w e are thinking a n d p e r c e i v i n g , a n d h o w
to act on those feelings. Patients with d a m a g e to the a m y g d a l a
on both sides of the b r a i n inhabit a w o r l d d e v o i d of e m o t i o n a l
contour and colour. D i m i n i s h e d insight into their o w n feelings
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PAUL B R O K S
a n d b e h a v i o u r is m i r r o r e d by a distorted p e r c e p t i o n of the e m o -
tional lives o f o t h e r s .
S o the s t a k e s are h i g h for N a o m i : m e m o r y and e m o t i o n . W e
n e e d to g e t this right.
T h e A m y t a l a r r i v e s , d e l i v e r e d b y m o t o r c y c l e courier. H e
h a n d s o v e r a Jiffy b a g that a n u r s e o p e n s to find two phials
c o n t a i n i n g a plain liquid, the stuff that will shortly w o r k its spell
o n N a o m i ' s b r a i n . O u r patient i s n o w stretched o u t o n the s p e -
cial b e d , at the centre of things, w a i t i n g . H e r head rests on a
s m a l l s q u a r e c u s h i o n . S h e is c o v e r e d to the neck with a g r e e n
s u r g i c a l sheet e x c e p t for an e x p o s e d patch a r o u n d her g r o i n ,
w h e r e , h a v i n g a d m i n i s t e r e d a local anaesthetic and m a d e a small
incision, the r a d i o l o g i s t is w o r k i n g to g a i n a c c e s s to the femoral
artery. N a o m i ' s face at the top of the sheet a n d this framed
e x p a n s e o f p a l e f l e s h and p u b i c hair ( a n d n o w b l o o d from the
c u t ) s e e m quite unrelated. M a n y p e o p l e are s u r p r i s e d t o learn
that the m o s t feasible r o u t e to the brain for these p u r p o s e s is by
w a y o f the g r o i n .
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
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PAUL B R O K S
E p i l e p t i c s e i z u r e s a r e c a u s e d b y a b n o r m a l b u r s t s o f electrical
activity in the b r a i n . T h e r a t i o n a l e for split-brain s u r g e r y -
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
S h e ' s not d o i n g so well. Come on, Naomi, come on, I ' m think-
i n g . ' T h e picture, N a o m i , w h a t can y o u r e m e m b e r ? '
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
***
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38
The Sword of the Sun
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
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Soul in a Bucket
T h e s a m e a p p l i e s w h e n w e reflect o n o u r o w n identity. W e
create o u r s e l v e s by inference: a u t o m a t i c a l l y and irresistibly. In
d o i n g s o w e ride the rails o f the d e e p e s t h u m a n c o n v e n t i o n , but,
at r o o t , it is just that: a c o n v e n t i o n . T h e s e l f is not an intrinsic
feature of the b r a i n a n d it is p o s s i b l e to b e c o m e derailed —
t h r o u g h p s y c h o s i s , like the m a n with the fish in his h e a d , or as
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
a result o f b r a i n d a m a g e . T h e d e g r a d a t i o n o f p e r s o n a l i t y i s a
neurological commonplace.
M a r y h a d suffered a b r a i n h a e m o r r h a g e ; to be p r e c i s e , a
ruptured anterior c o m m u n i c a t i n g a r t e r y a n e u r y s m . T h e arterial
wall had a l w a y s b e e n defective ( t h o u g h s h e w a s n o t t o k n o w )
and now, in her fiftieth year, the s a c h a d b u r s t , p o u r i n g b l o o d
into the frontal l o b e s . T h e s u r g e o n s o p e n e d u p her h e a d a n d
fixed a clip to s t e m the flow. S h e h a d b e e n c l o s e to d e a t h . T h r e e
w e e k s later, sitting in my office, it w a s difficult to s t e m the flow
of words.
S h e p a u s e d . S h e h a d forgotten the p o e m .
' W h e r e w a s I ? ' she s a i d .
I d i d n ' t s a y a w o r d as I r e a c h e d for the b l a c k c a s e c o n t a i n i n g
my test e q u i p m e n t , a n d a v o i d e d e y e contact. If I d i d n ' t s p e a k
and I didn't l o o k , M a r y w o u l d s t a y silent. W i t h o u t the t r i g g e r of
a w o r d or a g l a n c e she sat, if not exactly still ( s h e w a s a l w a y s
fidgeting with the b u t t o n s on her b l o u s e ) then at least quiet. B u t
to let slip a c a r e l e s s w o r d or g l a n c e w a s to o p e n the s l u i c e . I
quickly released the c l a s p s o n the c a s e a n d t o o k s o m e c l e a n h i s -
tory sheets from a tray on my d e s k . M a r y d i d n ' t m o v e a m u s c l e .
S h e w a s not e v e n fiddling with her b u t t o n s . I w o n d e r e d h o w
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'July'
' W h a t m a k e s y o u think i t ' s J u l y ? '
' I t ' s w a r m in h e r e . ' S h e u n d o e s a b u t t o n , then another.
'I s h o u l d k e e p y o u r b l o u s e o n , M a r y , ' I tell her. We m o v e on.
' W h e r e are w e n o w ? '
'At the hotel.'
' A n d w h a t i s the n a m e o f the t o w n w e are i n ? '
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INTO T H E S I L E N T LAND
* * *
I ' v e b e e n p r o j e c t i n g i m a g e s o f the b r a i n o n t o a l a r g e s c r e e n . A t
f i r s t they w e r e hyper-real 3 - D i m a g e s , labelled a n d c o l o u r -
c o d e d t o illustrate the a n a t o m i c a l l a n d m a r k s . T h e cerebral
h e m i s p h e r e s l o o k e d like they w e r e m a d e o f shiny plastic. B u t
n o w I am w o r k i n g on a m o r e s c h e m a t i c picture. A l a r g e b l o c k of
c o l o u r — hot m u s t a r d y e l l o w — slides d o w n b e h i n d m e , c a s t i n g a
trompe l'oeil s h a d o w a g a i n s t the p a l e screen. It b e a r s the l e g e n d
CEREBRAL CORTEX and signifies the a p p a r a t u s o f the c o n s c i o u s
self.
T h i s is an i n t r o d u c t o r y lecture. I k e e p it s i m p l e , b u t m o v e
swiftly t h r o u g h the lower structures like a child a s c e n d i n g a
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
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PAUL B R O K S
T h e e n i g m a o f p e r s o n a l identity m a y h a v e a d a r k s i d e . I n his
e s s a y ' S o r r y , but Y o u r S o u l J u s t D i e d ' T o m Wolfe i m a g i n e s a n
a p o c a l y p t i c near future w h e r e a d v a n c e d m e t h o d s o f brain
i m a g i n g will strip a w a y the illusion of self. P e o p l e will realize
that all they a r e l o o k i n g at is a p i e c e of machinery, d e v o i d of
self, m i n d , o r s o u l . A t this point, h e s a y s , ' s o m e n e w N i e t z s c h e '
will step f o r w a r d to a n n o u n c e the d e a t h of the s o u l and 'the
lurid c a r n i v a l that will e n s u e m a y m a k e the p h r a s e "the total
e c l i p s e o f all v a l u e s " s e e m t a m e . '
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I t d a w n e d o n m e s o m e time a g o that I w a s n o l o n g e r e s p e -
cially interested in the brain. Or rather, that my interest w a s
e x p a n d i n g o u t w a r d s from the b r a i n itself. It w a s as if I h a d b e e n
in a c o n g e s t e d city, g a w p i n g at the c r o w d s and the architecture
and the traffic from g r o u n d level. A n d n o w I w a s r i s i n g a b o v e
the b u i l d i n g s and the streets to take in a different p e r s p e c t i v e . I
could see s u b u r b s and fields and rivers b e y o n d a n d , in the d i s -
tance, other t o w n s and cities. C i t i e s d o n ' t float in a v a c u u m , a n d
neither d o b r a i n s .
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
A n e m e r g i n g t h e m e i n n e u r o p s y c h o l o g y i s that, j u s t a s i t h a s
functional s y s t e m s d e v o t e d to p e r c e p t i o n of, a n d interaction
with, the physical e n v i r o n m e n t , s o the b r a i n h a s e v o l v e d s y s -
t e m s dedicated to social c o g n i t i o n a n d action. It c o n s t r u c t s a
m o d e l of the o r g a n i s m of w h i c h it is a p a r t a n d , b e y o n d this,
a representation of that o r g a n i s m ' s p l a c e in relation to other,
similar, o r g a n i s m s : p e o p l e . A s part o f this p r o c e s s i t a s s e m b l e s a
' s e l f ' , which can b e t h o u g h t o f a s the d e v i c e w e h u m a n s e m p l o y
as a m e a n s of n e g o t i a t i n g the social e n v i r o n m e n t .
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W h e n the A p o l l o a s t r o n a u t s w e n t t o the m o o n a n d b r o u g h t
b a c k p i c t u r e s o f o u r planet o f o c e a n s a n d c l o u d s h a n g i n g over a
g r e y m o o n s c a p e in the m i d d l e of a b l a c k n o w h e r e , it c h a n g e d
the w a y w e s a w o u r s e l v e s . W e k n e w a l r e a d y that w e inhabited
the s u r f a c e of a s m a l l , s p i n n i n g s p h e r e that rolled a r o u n d an
o r d i n a r y star, a t the e d g e o f a n u n r e m a r k a b l e g a l a x y , just o n e o f
i n d e t e r m i n a t e billions in a v a s t , indifferent c o s m o s . B u t now,
o c c u p y i n g a few d e g r e e s o f retinal s p a c e , c o m f o r t a b l y a b s o r b e d
in the f o l d s of the v i s u a l cortex, a m e r e p o r t i o n of the visual
f i e l d , w e s a w o u r h o m e i n its true c o l o u r s . I t w a s p r e c i o u s and
v u l n e r a b l e , a s m a l l fragile object, a thing we s h o u l d take care of.
I t w a s , i n d e e d , o u r h o m e . W e m i g h t h a v e e x t r a p o l a t e d these
s e n t i m e n t s from the k n o w l e d g e w e a l r e a d y p o s s e s s e d , but the
i m a g e s set o f f a n interplay o f intellect a n d i m a g i n a t i o n that
m a d e the n e w p e r s p e c t i v e irresistible.
S o m e t h i n g similar h a p p e n s w h e n y o u s e e a b r a i n . I m a g i n a -
tion infiltrates intellect. Y o u g e t a s e n s e of location and
vulnerability. O u r h o m e .
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w o o d . T h e r e i s n o t h i n g y o u can't t o u c h o r s q u e e z e , w e i g h and
m e a s u r e , a s w e m i g h t the p h y s i c a l p r o p e r t i e s o f other objects.
So y o u will s e a r c h in v a i n for a n y s e m b l a n c e of a s e l f within the
s t r u c t u r e s of the b r a i n : there is no g h o s t in the m a c h i n e . It is
time t o g r o w u p a n d a c c e p t this fact. B u t , s o m e h o w , w e are the
p r o d u c t o f the o p e r a t i o n o f this m a c h i n e r y a n d its p r o g r e s s
t h r o u g h the p h y s i c a l a n d social w o r l d .
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In the Theatre
In the d a y s b e f o r e b r a i n s c a n s it w a s i m p o s s i b l e to l o c a t e
t u m o u r s beneath the s u r f a c e o f the b r a i n with a n y p r e c i s i o n .
S u r g e o n s blindly p o k e d a r o u n d in the soft t i s s u e s , c a u s i n g
untold d a m a g e in the p r o c e s s .
T h e p o e t - p h y s i c i a n D a n n i e A b s e w r o t e a p o e m , ' I n the
Theatre', in which he recounts a harrowing experience
described by his father, Dr Wilfred A b s e . I first r e a d this p o e m
when I w a s a student and it raised the h a i r s on the b a c k of my
neck. It c o n c e r n s an e p i s o d e that o c c u r r e d in 1918 while A b s e
senior w a s a s s i s t i n g at a b r a i n o p e r a t i o n .
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T h e p o e m n o l o n g e r chills m e . W h y ? P e r h a p s I a m a m o r e
sophisticated reader o f p o e t r y n o w a n d s e e t o o c l e a r l y the
b o a r d s and b a c k d r o p of a m e l o d r a m a . B u t I d o n ' t think s o . It is
o b v i o u s l y m e a n t t o b e theatrical a n d , t o m y m i n d , c o n v e y s
authentic d r a m a . It is a fine p o e m . It still p a c k s a p u n c h . B u t it
d o e s n ' t unsettle me as it o n c e d i d .
Perfect, constant e m p a t h y i n s u c h c i r c u m s t a n c e s w o u l d b e
suicidal. B u t it is less a p r o c e s s of desensitization than o n e of
b e c o m i n g acclimatized. T h e r e i s a difference. T h e f o r m e r s u g -
g e s t s a n a t r o p h y o f feeling, the latter i s m e r e l y t o b e c o m e
a c c u s t o m e d to different c o n d i t i o n s . W h e n the p r o f e s s i o n a l
f a c a d e slips in the p r e s e n c e of p e r s o n a l suffering, as it d o e s f r o m
time to time, the p a i n still penetrates. A n d as for indifference to
the bizarre and extraordinary, the v e r y o p p o s i t e i s true. F r o m
where I stand, in early m i d d l e a g e , the u n i v e r s e l o o k s as
m y s t e r i o u s a n d a b s u r d a s ever - h u m a n b e i n g s especially. T h e
older I g e t the m o r e a s t o n i s h e d I am by the plain fact of my o w n
existence and c o n s c i o u s n e s s , let a l o n e s t r a n g e a n d d i s t u r b i n g
neurological cases.
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N o w , i f y o u h a d a s k e d m e t w e n t y - o d d y e a r s a g o whether I
t h o u g h t there w e r e such things as s o u l s I w o u l d h a v e said that of
c o u r s e there w e r e not. U n d e r g o i n g training in clinical and s c i -
entific disciplines, I w o u l d h a v e c o n s i d e r e d such talk to be
p r i m i t i v e a n d pre-scientific. ' S o u l ' implied a spiritual substance
of s o m e kind, a mental e s s e n c e or e g o acting behind the material
s c e n e s o f b r a i n structure a n d function, g u i d i n g and controlling
a n d , if y o u c h o s e to b e l i e v e it, s u r v i v i n g the death of the body.
It carried c o n n o t a t i o n s of the s u p e r n a t u r a l , representing ideas
that I f o u n d at b e s t m i s g u i d e d or intellectually inelegant, at
w o r s t sinister and r e t r o g r e s s i v e .
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
T h e s a m e insight — at o n c e m u n d a n e and m y s t e r i o u s — is a
potent element o f the f a m o u s Z a p r u d e r f o o t a g e o f the K e n n e d y
a s s a s s i n a t i o n . Recall the i m a g e s a n d y o u will k n o w w h a t I m e a n .
J a c k i e K e n n e d y in the D a l l a s s u n s h i n e , in her pretty p i n k , pill-
b o x hat, s c r a m b l i n g t o retrieve the d e b r i s o f her h u s b a n d ' s
shattered head from the b a c k of the l i m o u s i n e . S h e finds a p i e c e
o f s o m e t h i n g and tries t o replace it. O r s o i t a p p e a r s . W h a t g r i m
d e s p e r a t i o n ; what a p p a l l i n g intimacy.
T h o s e g l i m p s e s o f n a k e d b r a i n are a n epiphany. T h e M o s t
Powerful M a n in the W o r l d , s m i l i n g i m m o r t a l l y a n d w a v i n g to
the c r o w d s just now, h a s h a d the top of his h e a d b l o w n a w a y . It
is not just that h e , like all of u s , is v u l n e r a b l e , or that his p h y s i -
cality is so brittle. N o r is it e v e n the s u d d e n n e s s of his transition
from h u m a n b e i n g t o inert s u b s t a n c e . W h a t l o c k s these i m a g e s
into place i s the e x p o s u r e o f the g r e y - p i n k b r a i n . I f that i s w h a t
T h e M o s t Powerful M a n i n the W o r l d c a n b e r e d u c e d to, i f that
is what he is, then there is no h o p e for the rest of u s . We k n e w it
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64
A-Z
H i s p r o b l e m t h o u g h ( a n d ultimately w h a t b a r r e d his w a y to a
career i n n e u r o s u r g e r y ) w a s that his exceptional p o w e r s o f v i s -
ual i m a g e r y w e r e exceptional o n l y i n two d i m e n s i o n s . A m o n g
other attributes o f intellect a n d t e m p e r a m e n t , the p r a c t i c e o f
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66
The Mirror
J u d y g e t s h o m e from w o r k . S h e p o u r s h e r s e l f a m a r t i n i , p u t s a
record on the hi-fi a n d d r o p s into a soft leather chair. God s h e ' s
t i r e d . . . S h e s l e e p s . A n d y can read the b e d t i m e s t o r i e s . T h e little
girl k i s s e s her s l e e p i n g m o t h e r a n d , reluctantly, g o e s t o b e d .
W h e n J u d y w a k e s , the r o o m i s s e m i - d a r k . S h e sits b o l t
upright and flinches from the p a i n in her h e a d . T h e r e is no
m u s i c . S h e tries to fix her p o s i t i o n . I m a g e s of the d a i l y routine
tumble together: get u p , g o t o w o r k , c o m e h o m e . A cat stretches
o n the b a c k o f a chair b y the w i n d o w . T h e r e i s e n o u g h o f the
f a d i n g light to b r i n g its g i n g e r fur to life. B u t J u d y ' s cat is a
tabby.
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* * *
1999
' A n d then I s a i d , " F e t c h me a m i r r o r . " I s a i d I'd be an old w o m a n
i n 1 9 9 9 . . . ' S h e ' s telling m e the s t o r y a g a i n . I t m u s t b e the fourth
or fifth t i m e . I ' m not really listening. I d o n ' t need to. I t ' s the
s a m e story.
T h e n e u r o s c i e n t i s t Michael G a z z a n i g a q u o t e s J o h n U p d i k e
a n d R a l p h W a l d o E m e r s o n : 'A thread r u n s t h r o u g h all things:
all w o r l d s are s t r u n g on it, as b e a d s : and m e n , and events, and
life c o m e t o u s , o n l y b e c a u s e o f that thread.' I n other w o r d s
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* * *
2002
' A n d then I s a i d , " F e t c h m e a m i r r o r " . . . '
B e a t e n into s u b m i s s i o n b y the l o g i c o f a n u n k n o w n present,
p l u s the irrefutable e v i d e n c e in the mirror, J u d y ' s Interpreter
h a s reset the c l o c k a n d set a b o u t the b u s i n e s s of r e g u l a t i n g a
different life. V e r y little m e m o r y h a s returned, but things are
g o i n g fine with the g r e y - h a i r e d m a n , a n d J u d y is a g r a n d m o t h e r
now.
T h i s kind o f a m n e s i a i s e x t r e m e l y r a r e . I h a v e c o m e a c r o s s
o n l y o n e other c a s e that b e a r s c o m p a r i s o n t o J u d y ' s . T h a t
patient, t o o , m a d e a n a s t o n i s h i n g l y s m o o t h adjustment t o her
n e w c i r c u m s t a n c e s . H o w resilient p e o p l e are. I f o n e d a y y o u
w o k e up to find that y o u h a d b e e n t r a n s f o r m e d into a g i g a n t i c
insect, the c h a n c e s a r e y o u w o u l d j u s t g e t u p a n d c a r r y o n with
y o u r n e w life.
* **
2003
' A n d then I s a i d , " F e t c h m e a m i r r o r " . . . '
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The Visible Man
A s J a m e s M o o n a w o k e o n e m o r n i n g after d i s t u r b i n g d r e a m s , h e
found h i m s e l f t r a n s f o r m e d into a n a n a t o m i c a l illustration. H e
r o s e from his b e d thinking all w a s as it s h o u l d be a n d h e a d e d for
the b a t h r o o m , the first routine act of a n o t h e r r o u t i n e day. B u t ,
l o o k i n g in the mirror, he noticed that the d o m e of his h e a d h a d
b e c o m e transparent.
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
***
W h a t had c a u s e d those n i g h t m a r e s ? T h e p r e v i o u s e v e n i n g ,
J a m e s had eaten a light s u p p e r a n d d r u n k no m o r e than a finger
of whisky. B o r e d with T V , he had searched for s o m e t h i n g to read
and found an old illustrated e n c y c l o p a e d i a , which he t o o k to b e d .
Idly turning the p a g e s , he c a m e a c r o s s a picture of a r o c k
p o o l . H e r e m e m b e r e d i t well from his c h i l d h o o d . T h e w a t e r w a s
clear a s g l a s s . B l u e - g r e y r o c k s thrust u p t h r o u g h a b e d o f
s m o o t h p e b b l e s and s a n d t o w a r d s a s u m m e r sky. A b o v e the
water-line there w e r e b a r n a c l e s b a k i n g in the s u n s h i n e , a few
limpets and whelks — snail-like things with curly shells.
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***
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
It w a s d a r k w h e n the d o o r b e l l r a n g . A pastel g l o w f o l l o w e d
J a m e s d o w n the d i n g y hallway, r e m i n d i n g him o f the state o f
his skull. He t o o k the f i s h e r m a n ' s hat f r o m the c o a t - h o o k a n d
p l a c e d i t o n his head b e f o r e o p e n i n g the d o o r . T h e r e s t o o d
Millie, in a swirl of rain a n d a u t u m n l e a v e s .
H e m i g h t h a v e b e e n c o m p a r i n g fossil s p e c i m e n s o r s e m i -
p r e c i o u s s t o n e s . ' T h e c o l o u r s are different,' h e n o t e d , 'but the
s h a p e s are the s a m e . '
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
There you have it. The gross anatomy of the brain — or half
of it. The brain is a double organ with two mirror image sides.
Put both fists together to get the full picture.
Bruno Aldaris, Neuroscience for the Brainless
* * *
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H e w a s i m p r e s s e d b y the m y r i a d f o r m s o f d e m i s e . G o d w a s
an inventive d e s t r o y e r as well as an artful creator. It had never
o c c u r r e d t o J a m e s that the w o r k i n g s o f the b o d y c o u l d b r e a k
d o w n i n s o m a n y w a y s . B u t his condition w a s n a m e l e s s .
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
T h e scene w a s altogether t o o b e n i g n . A r o c k p o o l i s , i n
reality, a p r e c a r i o u s p l a c e . To s u r v i v e is to m e s h with c o m p l e x
networks o f b e h a v i o u r a n d intricate p a t t e r n s o f p h y s i c s and
chemistry, all s h a p e d minutely by the e b b a n d flow of the tides
and the rotation of the E a r t h . T h e life of the r o c k p o o l is a
fragile p r o d u c t of the m i c r o s c o p i c a l l y small and the a s t r o n o m i -
cally l a r g e .
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***
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H e w a s s t r u c k b y h o w d e n s e l y p a c k e d they w e r e , not f l o a t i n g
l o o s e like o d d - s h a p e d b a l l o o n s a s they s o m e t i m e s a p p e a r i n
t e x t b o o k s . B u t the c o l o u r s ! T h a t c o u l d n ' t b e right: ice-blue
s t o m a c h , c r i m s o n liver, o r a n g e intestines, and the b o n e s w e r e
white as a g h o s t - t r a i n s k e l e t o n ' s .
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86
TWO
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
M y a r e a o f s u p p o s e d e x p e r t i s e , n e u r o p s y c h o l o g y , i s the s u b -
ject a b o u t which I feel the m o s t p r o f o u n d i g n o r a n c e . I am
i g n o r a n t o f m a n y things. F o r i n s t a n c e , I k n o w n o t h i n g o f the
Russian language. Quantum physics is beyond me. Keynesian
e c o n o m i c s ? T h e w o r k i n g s o f the internal c o m b u s t i o n e n g i n e ?
Irish political h i s t o r y ? M y k n o w l e d g e c o n s i s t s o f v a g u e n o t i o n s
poorly understood, loosely grasped general principles, and col-
lections of disjointed facts. B u t I c o u l d take l e s s o n s in R u s s i a n
and m u g up on Irish h i s t o r y a n d the other things. I will n e v e r
m a s t e r the m a t h e m a t i c s required for a p r o p e r u n d e r s t a n d i n g of
q u a n t u m m e c h a n i c s , b u t I can a p p r e c i a t e s o m e t h i n g of the
f l a v o u r o f the subject from the p o p u l a r w r i t i n g s o f e x p e r t s i n the
field, and take c o m f o r t from the fact that, fundamentally, it
s e e m s t o b e b e y o n d t h e m , too. B u t w h e n i t c o m e s t o u n d e r -
s t a n d i n g the relationship b e t w e e n the b r a i n a n d the c o n s c i o u s
m i n d , m y i g n o r a n c e i s d e e p a n d there i s n o w h e r e t o turn.
A n o c e a n o f i n c o m p r e h e n s i o n h e a v e s b e n e a t h the t e x t b o o k -
confident surface of plain facts a n d technicalities that I p r e s e n t
to my c o l l e a g u e s and patients. I h a v e a clear p i c t u r e of the m a t e -
rial c o m p o n e n t s of the b r a i n a n d am p r e p a r e d to ad lib at l e n g t h
a b o u t features of its functional architecture — the i n t e r l o c k i n g
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s y s t e m s a n d s u b s y s t e m s o f p e r c e p t i o n , m e m o r y , a n d action. B u t
quite h o w o u r b r a i n s create that p r i v a t e s e n s e o f self-awareness
we all float a r o u n d in is a mystery. I h a v e no idea h o w the trick is
achieved.
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T h i s m o r n i n g s h e w a s cheerful. A n o r d e r l y h a d j u s t b r o u g h t
her a cup o f tea. H e r d a u g h t e r , L i s a , w a s f e e d i n g her b a b y o n the
other side o f the b e d . L i s a visited e v e r y day. W e sat a n d chatted
with sunshine s t r e a m i n g t h r o u g h the u n c u r t a i n e d w i n d o w .
Jeanie was happy, though increasingly preoccupied with
t h o u g h t s o f death.
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PAUL B R O K S
W i t h c o n s c i o u s deliberation I h a v e b e e n s t r i n g i n g w o r d s
t o g e t h e r o n the s c r e e n i n front o f m e t h r o u g h the p l a y o f f i n g e r s
o n k e y b o a r d , intermittently c a t c h i n g and t u r n i n g over u n s o -
licited, idle t h o u g h t s a n d i m a g e s . ( A t o n e point, I find m y s e l f
h u m m i n g a B o b M a r l e y tune. It drifts in from n o w h e r e . ) A n d
there, t h r o u g h the w i n d o w , I s e e a star, a h u n d r e d million miles
away, but s i m u l t a n e o u s l y a l s o in my h e a d . Its i m a g e enters my
e y e a n d f l o w - c h a r t s t h r o u g h the visual s y s t e m s o f m y brain,
finds a link with m e m o r y a n d l a n g u a g e a n d , from outer s p a c e ,
g a i n s a n a m e and a l o c a t i o n in s e m a n t i c s p a c e : ' V e n u s ' .
S o , d o e s c o n s c i o u s a w a r e n e s s h a v e a p h y s i c a l location: m i n e ,
here a n d now, i n H a r r y ' s r o o m , p r e c i s e l y s o m e w h e r e between
my e a r s ? Self-evidently, it s e e m s . B u t then, go into the skull;
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J e a n i e g r e w tired o f m y tests. S h e w a s l o s i n g c o n c e n t r a t i o n .
In the m i d d l e of s o m e mental arithmetic, she s l o w e d to a s t o p
and I let her sit and stare for a while. L i s a w a s sitting b a c k in her
chair, h e a d resting a g a i n s t the wall, e y e s c l o s e d . T h e b a b y w a s
fast asleep. H o s p i t a l s are never quiet, b u t y o u f i n d p o c k e t s o f
resignation a n d w e a r i n e s s w h e r e time itself s e e m s b e c a l m e d .
T h e s o u n d s o f the o u t s i d e w o r l d are distant a n d abstract. W e
each w i t h d r e w into our p r i v a t e w o r l d s . J e a n i e , I a l l o w e d m y s e l f
t o i m a g i n e , w a s r o a m i n g s o m e high p l a t e a u o f b e w i l d e r m e n t i n
pursuit o f t h r e e - l e g g e d a n i m a l s ; the b a b y w a s drifting content-
edly on a p o n d of m o t h e r ' s m i l k . B u t I d i d not p r e s u m e to
i m a g i n e w h a t L i s a w a s thinking.
C o n s c i o u s n e s s is a p u z z l e . F r o m o n e p e r s p e c t i v e it s e e m s that
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PAUL B R O K S
F o r W i t t g e n s t e i n , p h i l o s o p h y w a s not s o m u c h a b o u t finding
s o l u t i o n s t o p u z z l e s a s a b o u t c o r r e c t i n g fundamental m i s u n d e r -
s t a n d i n g s . T h e p h i l o s o p h e r ' s treatment of a question, he s a i d , is
like the treatment o f a n illness. O u r m i n d s are knotted with m i s -
c o n c e p t i o n s a b o u t the w o r l d and the j o b o f p h i l o s o p h y i s t o
u n r a v e l the k n o t , or, as he s a i d , to s h o w the fly the w a y out of
the fly-bottle.
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
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PAUL B R O K S
I o n c e s a w a n old w o m a n w h o w a s p r o f o u n d l y d e p r e s s e d .
' B u r y m e , ' s h e s a i d . ' Y o u m i g h t a s well, I ' v e been d e a d for
s o m e time.'
S h e b e l i e v e d her insides h a d rotted away. I tried to r e a s o n
with her, b u t it w a s u s e l e s s . ' L o o k , ' I s a i d , ' y o u ' r e here talking to
m e . H o w can you b e d e a d ? '
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
W h a t d r i v e s such s t r a n g e d e l u s i o n s ? D e p r e s s i o n is u s u a l l y a
factor, but is not a l w a y s present. J e a n i e , p e e r i n g quizzically into
the v o i d , is not d e p r e s s e d . H e r c a s e , at least, calls for a n e u r o -
b i o l o g i c a l e x p l a n a t i o n . O n e possibility is that the e x p e r i e n c e s
arise from a disturbance of b r a i n m e c h a n i s m s w h i c h o r d i n a r i l y
bind sensation and t h o u g h t to the neural s y s t e m s u n d e r l y i n g
emotion. T h i s ancient d u t y i s p e r f o r m e d b y the l i m b i c s y s t e m ,
d e e p inside the cerebral h e m i s p h e r e s . A p r i m e function of this
s y s t e m , an e v o l u t i o n a r y raison d'etre, is to create states of r e a d i -
ness for action. It d o e s this t h r o u g h the i m p l e m e n t a t i o n of
s o - c a l l e d 'affect p r o g r a m s ' .
If y o u r s e n s o r y s y s t e m s i n f o r m y o u that there is a c r a z e d -
l o o k i n g m a n fast a p p r o a c h i n g with a n a x e , y o u r b o d y will enlist
the affect p r o g r a m identified with fear. B e f o r e y o u h a v e t i m e
even to experience terror, b e f o r e the e y e - b u l g i n g , v o l t a g e s u r g e
o f a w a r e n e s s , v a r i o u s p h y s i o l o g i c a l s y s t e m s will h a v e r e c o n f i g -
u r e d t h e m s e l v e s in p r e p a r a t i o n for a r e s p o n s e . Y o u will turn a n d
run. T h e t h o u g h t ' I a m terrified' will follow hot o n y o u r h e e l s ,
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PAUL B R O K S
B e y o n d this u n e l a b o r a t e d , b i o l o g i c a l c o r e there a r e , o f
c o u r s e , d i m e n s i o n s of the s e l f with a p a s t a n d a future as well as
a r a w present: in n a r r a t i v e t e r m s , the a u t o b i o g r a p h i c a l self. In
C o t a r d ' s s y n d r o m e , h o w e v e r , the c o r e h a s d i s s o l v e d . C o g n i t i o n
is d e c o u p l e d f r o m feeling a n d , consequently, t h o u g h t s and
a c t i o n s h a v e no fixed m o o r i n g s . T h e r e is no 'I' left to claim o w n -
ership. It d i s i n t e g r a t e s ; the f r a g m e n t s drift apart. O n e patient
b e l i e v e d s h e h a d b e c o m e little m o r e than fresh air: ' J u s t a v o i c e ,
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
g r a n d d a u g h t e r a n d b e g a n t o w e e p . I t w a s time for m e t o g o .
' M u m ' s m o r e h e r s e l f after a g o o d cry,' s a i d L i s a .
' T h a t m a k e s s e n s e , ' I told her.
J u l e s C o t a r d died a t the a g e o f forty-nine. H e s u c c u m b e d t o
diphtheria after n u r s i n g o n e of his children to r e c o v e r y . I recall
this fossilized fact o f b i o g r a p h y a s I s t a c k m y c a s e n o t e s . T h e
g l o w o f the c o m p u t e r screen i s n o w b r i g h t e r than the s k y a n d ,
when the m a c h i n e shuts d o w n , H a r r y ' s r o o m i s a l m o s t d a r k .
Paradoxically, a s the g l o o m d e s c e n d s , the j a r s a l o n g the w a l l s
g a i n a kind o f l u m i n e s c e n c e , a s i f they h a v e a b s o r b e d s o m e o f
the r e c e d i n g light. M y report i s finished. T h e l a p t o p lid c l o s e s
with a satisfying click a n d I go a c r o s s to take a c l o s e r l o o k at o n e
of the brain s p e c i m e n s . I lean c l o s e to r e a d the printed label:
Subarachnoid haemorrhage.
Me?
I w a s lost in thought.
Nothing much.
Yes.
Fetch me a Gauloise!
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It w o u l d be g o o d to c a u s e a stink.
I t m u s t b e torture.
B u t I ' m n o t g o i n g to.
Why not?
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PAUL B R O K S
M y b o d y h a s certain b o u n d a r i e s ( r o u g h l y defined b y m y
s k i n ) , w h i c h g i v e it a characteristic s h a p e ; and as I steer it from
o n e p l a c e t o a n o t h e r m y t h o u g h t s and e x p e r i e n c e s g o with it. I f
y o u are h a v i n g a b a d time for s o m e r e a s o n and I s a y ' M y
t h o u g h t s are with y o u , ' d o n ' t b e l i e v e m e . M y t h o u g h t s are v e r y
m u c h with me. A l w a y s . B e l i e v i n g that t h o u g h t s are displaced
f r o m y o u r b o d y o r that other p e o p l e ' s t h o u g h t s can b e inserted
into y o u r h e a d , is a s i g n of mental illness.
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PAUL B R O K S
H e a s k e d u s t o c o n s i d e r h o w often w e s w a l l o w o u r o w n
s a l i v a . W e d o i t all the t i m e , o f c o u r s e , w i t h o u t thinking. T h e n
h e invited u s t o i m a g i n e that, instead o f s w a l l o w i n g , w e spat
into a tumbler. H o w w o u l d we n o w feel a b o u t s i p p i n g from a
t u m b l e r full of o u r o w n spit? I t ' s the s a m e stuff, b u t no thanks!
N o t e v e n with i c e , l e m o n , a n d a l a r g e d a s h o f v o d k a . W h a t ' s
the difference? A b o u n d a r y h a s b e e n c r o s s e d . A s the p h i l o s o -
p h e r D a n i e l D e n n e t t p u t s it, o n c e s o m e t h i n g i s o u t s i d e our
b o d i e s i t b e c o m e s alien a n d s u s p i c i o u s , not quite part o f u s ,
something to be rejected. The spit in the tumbler has
' r e n o u n c e d its c i t i z e n s h i p ' . B o u n d a r i e s a n d b o r d e r c o n t r o l s are
important.
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Paul E k m a n , a p i o n e e r in the s t u d y of e m o t i o n a l e x p r e s s i o n s ,
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PAUL B R O K S
T h e n , t h r o u g h c h a n g e s i n patterns o f m u s c u l a r activity
( ' e x p r e s s i o n s ' , ' g a z e ' ) , the face transmits s i g n a l s a b o u t other,
m o r e d y n a m i c , features s u c h a s o u r e m o t i o n a l state, our focus o f
interest, a n d o u r i m m e d i a t e intentions. T h e s e h a v e a d o u b l e
a s p e c t ; part p u b l i c , part p r i v a t e . Y o u can u s e facial information
t o m a k e inferences a b o u t m y mental state a n d b e h a v i o u r a l d i s -
p o s i t i o n s . To that extent the i n f o r m a t i o n is ' p u b l i c ' b e c a u s e it is
there for a n y o n e t o s e e . B u t y o u c a n ' t k n o w m y thoughts and
feelings directly. Y o u c a n ' t e x p e r i e n c e them.
T r a v e l l i n g i n t h o u g h t f r o m the p o s i t i o n o f participant-
o b s e r v e r in the p h y s i c a l a n d social w o r l d ' t h r o u g h ' the face and
into the m a c h i n e r y that lies b e h i n d we are transported, like
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
A l i c e t h r o u g h the l o o k i n g g l a s s , to a v e r y different w o r l d . We
g o from a b r i g h t p l a c e o f p e r s o n s , s e l v e s , a n d s u b j e c t i v e e x p e r i -
ence, to a d a r k , silent, e n c l o s e d , w o r l d of p h y s i c s , chemistry,
and b i o l o g y . It is a m y s t e r i o u s j o u r n e y .
113
Body Art
T h e t o n e o f the I n f o r m a t i o n S h e e t i s r e a s s u r i n g . I t c o u l d b e
f r o m a p r i v a t e hospital b r o c h u r e . I learn that The most popular
method of tongue splitting is surgical. I m a g e s of D I Y enthusiasts
with razor b l a d e s a n d s c i s s o r s r a p i d l y f a d e . N o t h i n g o f the sort.
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116
The Story of Einstein's Brain
Einstein: s h o c k - h a i r e d a n d s o c k l e s s g e n i u s , a v u n c u l a r s y m b o l
of p u r e intellect, h e a d in a whirlwind of e q u a t i o n s a n d s p i r a l l i n g
2
g a l a x i e s , cultural icon. L o g o : E = m c . Scientist, s a g e , h u m a n i -
tarian, a m b i g u o u s pacifist, l o u s y h u s b a n d , n e g l i g e n t father, a n d
now, w h a t ' s left of h i m , f r a g m e n t s of b r a i n in a jar.
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T h e p a t h o l o g i s t w a s a c c u s e d o f a s m a s h - a n d - g r a b exercise
a n d , t h o u g h H a r v e y a l w a y s maintained h e had acted o n the
authority of Einstein's executor, Otto Nathan, not many
b e l i e v e d h i m . N a t h a n called him a thief a n d a liar and H a r v e y
e v e n t u a l l y left P r i n c e t o n u n d e r a c l o u d , a l l e g e d l y fired for not
r e l i n q u i s h i n g the b r a i n . He v a n i s h e d from the scene — but he
h u n g o n t o his c o o k i e j a r s . I n 1978 H a r v e y w a s tracked d o w n b y
S t e v e n L e v y , a j o u r n a l i s t w o r k i n g for the New Jersey Monthly.
L e v y found h i m l i v i n g i n W i c h i t a , K a n s a s . T h e remnants o f
E i n s t e i n ' s b r a i n w e r e in a b o x m a r k e d Costa Cider.
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PAUL B R O K S
S a n d r a W i t e l s o n o f M c M a s t e r University, O n t a r i o , h a d r e -
c e i v e d , u n s o l i c i t e d , a p a c k a g e of b r a i n p i e c e s which she and her
c o l l e a g u e s set a b o u t w e i g h i n g , m e a s u r i n g , a n d c o m p a r i n g with
other b r a i n s . A g a i n , the inferior parietal l o b e s t o o d out as
u n u s u a l , b e i n g 15 p e r cent larger than n o r m a l ; and the S y l v i a n
fissure, which m a r k s the t e m p o r a l - p a r i e t a l b o u n d a r y , t o o k an
o d d u p w a r d turn.
S u c h o b s e r v a t i o n s h a v e b e e n d i s m i s s e d i n s o m e quarters a s
little m o r e than primitive, b u m p - f o n d l i n g p h r e n o l o g y . Einstein,
they say, w o u l d h a v e b e e n a p p a l l e d by the crudity of the science.
I am not so s u r e . T h e r e is a picture of the G r e a t M a n u n d e r g o i n g
E E G b r a i n w a v e r e c o r d i n g — his h e a d a n e x p l o s i o n o f wild hair
a n d e l e c t r o d e l e a d s — while he is b e i n g a s k e d to 'think of relativ-
i t y ' . H e w a s clearly g a m e for a l a u g h . A n d the b u m p a t least has
a p l a u s i b l e location g i v e n E i n s t e i n ' s mathematical p r o w e s s and
w h a t w e a l r e a d y k n o w a b o u t the o r g a n i z a t i o n o f brain func-
tions. It is s o m e t h i n g .
S o m e y e a r s a g o my y o u n g s o n a n d I w e r e in a s h o e s h o p in
C a m b r i d g e w h e n in c a m e S t e p h e n H a w k i n g in his m o t o r i z e d
wheelchair. No present-day scientist matches Einstein's
celebrity, b u t H a w k i n g c o m e s c l o s e s t . L i k e Einstein h e s y m b o l -
izes p u r e intelligence. T h e shining m i n d i n the shrivelled b o d y
h a s entered the p o p u l a r i m a g i n a t i o n . I ' v e yet to s e e his w a s t e d
s h a p e on a T - s h i r t or his m u g on a m u g , but he h a s a p p e a r e d in
e p i s o d e s of Star Trek ( r u b b i n g s h o u l d e r s with Einstein and
N e w t o n ) a n d The Simpsons. As R o l a n d B a r t h e s remarks, b e i n g
t u r n e d into a c a r t o o n is a s i g n that o n e h a s b e c o m e a legend.
T h e r e w a s a w o m a n h e l p i n g h i m and they w e r e l o o k i n g at a
r a c k o f c h e a p trainers. H a w k i n g d i d n ' t s e e m v e r y interested,
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Harry?
T h e p a r a d o x i c a l conflation o f m a n , m a g i c , a n d
machine?
Quite.
N e u r o s c i e n c e thrives o n p a r a d o x i c a l conflations.
Conflating m i n d and matter s e e m s p a r a d o x i c a l t o
most people.
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PAUL B R O K S
122
Articles of Faith
A r t i c l e s o f faith:
1. T h e b r a i n is the o r g a n of the m i n d .
2. T h e mind is modular.
3 . T h e m o d u l a r i t y o f m i n d i s reflected i n the w o r k i n g s o f
the brain.
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PAUL B R O K S
* * *
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PAUL B R O K S
In fact, w h y n o t a h a i k u ?
A true enigma:
The self looks inward and finds
Nothing hut neurons.
No m o r e haikus, I p r o m i s e .
* * *
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PAUL B R O K S
I am.
But?
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
F o r all I k n o w , p h y s i c i s t s will o n e d a y f o r m u l a t e
their T h e o r y o f E v e r y t h i n g . B u t I ' m inclined
to think that o u r g o a l of d e s c r i b i n g mental life
in t e r m s of b r a i n activity is not entirely feasible.
I w o n d e r if the enterprise is q u i x o t i c .
Why?
B e c a u s e . . . O h , I d o n ' t k n o w . W h a t w a s that
description o f D o n Q u i x o t e ? A m u d d l e - h e a d e d
fool with frequent lucid intervals? G e t b a c k to
m e when I ' m lucid.
No.
No.
Me neither.
M y c o n c e r n i s that the A r t i c l e s o f F a i t h d i s r e g a r d
s o m e i m p o r t a n t features o f mental life, w h i c h ,
if we are ever to a c h i e v e a coherent s c i e n c e of
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PAUL B R O K S
m i n d a n d b r a i n , will either h a v e t o b e b r o u g h t
into the frame of n e u r o s c i e n c e — or thrown out.
Such as?
Indeed.
O n e h a s t o b e b i l i n g u a l , s w i t c h i n g from the
l a n g u a g e o f n e u r o s c i e n c e t o the l a n g u a g e o f
e x p e r i e n c e ; from talk o f ' b r a i n s y s t e m s ' and
' p a t h o l o g y ' t o talk o f ' h o p e ' , ' d r e a d ' , ' p a i n ' ,
' j o y ' , ' l o v e ' , ' l o s s ' , a n d all the other a n i m a l s ,
fierce a n d t a m e , i n the z o o o f h u m a n
consciousness.
I h a v e c o m e to realize h o w d e e p l y o d d it is to
a s s u m e that b r a i n s a n d s e l v e s c o n v e r g e .
W h a t d o y o u take m e for?
131
Right This Way, Smiles a
Mermaid
M i d t o w n M a n h a t t a n . T h e p o w e r w a s out. I s t o o d a t the w i n d o w
a s v e i n s o f l i g h t n i n g c r a c k l e d o v e r the G e n e r a l Electric b u i l d i n g
a b l o c k a w a y . Its giant, g a l v a n i c t h r o e s w e r e startling. T h e thun-
d e r r o l l e d t h r o u g h my g u t as it rattled the w i n d o w s and humbled
the m o n u m e n t a l architecture. A n d then, a n o c e a n o f rain. N e w
Y o r k w a s A t l a n t i s . I c o u l d s e e f i s h e s a n d w h a l e s and m e r m a i d s .
W h e n the s t o r m d i e d the p o w e r w a s still out.
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PAUL B R O K S
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
T h e food w a s g o o d . T h e w i n e w a s g o o d . C o l l i c u l a , I n o w
noticed, w a s n a k e d . S o w a s I a n d , b e f o r e l o n g , w e w e r e m a k i n g
love; she writhed w a r m l y b e n e a t h m e o n the g l a s s y f l o o r . T h e r e
w a s a n a q u a r i u m b e l o w with s h a r k s g l i d i n g and s m a l l e r f i s h e s
darting. How do I know this isn't a dream? I w o n d e r e d .
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PAUL B R O K S
'Hmm.'
' S o m e v e r s i o n s o f i d e a l i s m d o n ' t d e n y the physical w o r l d ,
b u t s a y w e c a n ' t h a v e direct k n o w l e d g e o f it. O b j e c t s and events
a r e mental c o n s t r u c t i o n s b e c a u s e they c o m e to life o n l y in the
a r e n a o f the m i n d . '
' T h e u n o b s e r v e d tree falling i n the forest m a k e s n o s o u n d ? '
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
I k n e w what I w a n t e d to say. I w a n t e d to s a y s o m e t h i n g a b o u t
the p r o b l e m o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s b e i n g built into s c i e n c e itself, b u t
I hadn't thought i t t h r o u g h a n d , s u d d e n l y a w a r e o f m y n a k e d -
ness, w a s l o s i n g the thread o f m y a r g u m e n t .
137
PAUL B R O K S
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139
PAUL B R O K S
I instantly r e g r e t t e d m y o u t b u r s t . A w a r e a g a i n o f m y n a k e d -
n e s s , I felt r i d i c u l o u s . ( N e v e r g e t a n g r y with y o u r clothes off.)
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141
PAUL B R O K S
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143
THREE
No Water, No Moon
The Ghost Tree ( l )
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PAUL B R O K S
He g i v e s a h a n d l e s s w a v e to an old m a n in a wheelchair.
W h e n I p i c k up the m e d i c a l file from the n u r s i n g station the
c h a r g e n u r s e tells m e o f J a k e ' s disturbed b e h a v i o u r . Yesterday
he w a s incontinent a n d s m e a r e d his faeces into his w o u n d s . I am
n o t l o o k i n g f o r w a r d to this. I feel cowardly. I want to turn and
g o . B u t w h e n w e s p e a k h e i s perfectly pleasant. H e s e e m s c o m -
p o s e d , e v e n tranquil. H e puts m e a t m y e a s e . T h e pain i s
tolerable now, he tells m e . Y e s t e r d a y it d r o v e him m a d .
' W h e r e d o e s it h u r t ? ' I a s k .
' L e f t foot,' h e s a y s .
I run t h r o u g h s o m e routine q u e s t i o n s a b o u t levels of c o n -
s c i o u s n e s s a n d recall o f e v e n t s i n the h o u r s immediately
f o l l o w i n g the accident. J a k e can't r e m e m b e r .
' H e was c o n s c i o u s , ' s a y s the child b r i d e .
' H o w can y o u be so s u r e ? ' I ask.
S h e k n o w s b e c a u s e J a k e h a d activated the d i a l - h o m e function
on his m o b i l e p h o n e , p e r h a p s adventitiously as a result of the
i m p a c t o r i n a m o m e n t o f lucidity. T h e r e w a s n o o n e h o m e when
the p h o n e r a n g . T h e a n s w e r i n g m a c h i n e t o o k the m e s s a g e and
s t o r e d it until s h e returned next m o r n i n g from her night shift at
the filling station. J a k e w a s calling for her, w a i l i n g like a baby.
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149
PAUL B R O K S
A n d n o w I s e e k s a n c t u a r y in the s o l i t u d e of my g a r d e n and a
retreat into sleep, s c i e n c e , a n d abstraction — the dissertation: the
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
s o o t h i n g i c o n s of a b u g - e a t e n b r a i n . I t ' s an effective r e m e d y .
H o w c o m f o r t i n g t o l o s e sight o f M a g g i e a n d c o n t e m p l a t e
instead M J 1 7 .
It is g e t t i n g d a r k now. T h e c l o u d s h a v e thinned a n d a c r e s c e n t
m o o n i s visible. A t the b o t t o m o f the g a r d e n there i s a n a p p l e
tree. It l o o k s tired a n d forlorn. T h i s , instantly, is h o w I s e e it. It
is an old tree, b e a r i n g fruit for the last t i m e . I s e e n o t just the
f a d i n g s h a p e of the trunk, the t w i s t i n g b r a n c h e s , the l e a v e s
d a r k e n i n g in the g l o o m and the p a l e , h a l f - g r o w n a p p l e s ; I s e e
the a g e of the tree a n d its w e a r i n e s s . I h a v e in m i n d the s h a r p
taste o f the fruit. T h i s i s h o w i t a p p e a r s t o m e . A n d h o w d o I
k n o w it is b e a r i n g fruit for the last time? B e c a u s e I realize it is
not there at all. My b r a i n h a s c o n s p i r e d with the failing light to
conjure a fleeting illusion of the tree f r o m m e m o r i e s of similar
g r e y e v e n i n g s a y e a r a g o , b e f o r e it w a s felled by a F e b r u a r y g a l e .
It is a g h o s t tree, r o o t e d o n l y in t h o u g h t .
* * *
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PAUL B R O K S
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
O n the screen n o w i s a l a r g e , m o v i n g , t a l k i n g , g e s t u r i n g
i m a g e o f M a g g i e ( a k a M J 1 7 ) . S h e i s h a v i n g a g o o d l a u g h with a
research assistant. T w o g i r l s together. I t ' s M a g g i e b a c k i n her
twenties telling r i s q u e stories a b o u t her b o s s . He w a s a one.
S o m e w h e r e , o f f - c a m e r a , D o n ' s g e n t l e v o i c e c o a x e s her b a c k o n
t o safer g r o u n d . H e d o e s n ' t w a n t t o c a u s e e m b a r r a s s m e n t . I ' v e
set the v i d e o in the w r o n g p l a c e . I intended to s h o w M a g g i e a n d
D o n talking a b o u t their S p a n i s h holiday. B u t a t least the a u d i -
ence can see she is not a c a b b a g e . S h e is u p b e a t a n d a n i m a t e d ,
e a g e r for c o m p a n y . I'll h a v e to tell the s t o r y m y s e l f .
T h e y ' d b e e n o u t for a m e a l . T h e t w o b o y s l e a p t f r o m
nowhere. T h e r e was shouting and pushing. T h e y g r a b b e d
Maggie. D o n w a s thrown back against a wall. O n e hand gripped
his throat, the other t o o k his wallet. B u t D o n i s a b i g m a n . H e
fought b a c k . H e g a v e the b o y a p o u n d i n g . A n d all the t i m e , with
D o n ' s a m y g d a l a e trilling like fire b e l l s , j o l t i n g his b o d y f r o m
visceral fear to t h r a s h i n g , m e c h a n i c a l a n g e r , p u p i l s d i l a t e d , c a r -
d i o v a s c u l a r s y s t e m i n o v e r d r i v e , b l o o d d r a i n i n g from g u t t o
straining m u s c l e s , fists like h a m m e r s - all the t i m e M a g g i e
smiles benignly. T h e fluid-filled s p a c e s i n her h e a d w h e r e the
a m y g d a l a e u s e d t o nestle are p o o l s o f tranquillity.
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PAUL B R O K S
* * *
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PAUL B R O K S
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157
The Ghost Tree (2)
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
T h e n o n e m o r n i n g s h e started telling m e a b o u t A u n t J u d i t h ,
h o w she w a s a l w a y s w e l c o m e t o d r o p in, o f c o u r s e , b u t , d e a r o h
dear, h o w she picked her times. S h e h a d t u r n e d up in the m i d d l e
o f the night a g a i n . T h r e e i n the m o r n i n g . T h i r d time this w e e k .
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PAUL B R O K S
R e t u r n i n g t o b e d I w a s s o o n a s l e e p , but s o m e t h i n g else d i s -
turbed m e . P e r h a p s it w a s v o i c e s in the street. I can't remember.
B u t I do r e m e m b e r g e t t i n g up to shut the w i n d o w and noticing
that the tree h a d g o n e . It a p p e a r e d from n o w h e r e , then, silently,
it d i s a p p e a r e d . It w a s there. I t o u c h e d it. I c o u l d smell it.
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
I c l o s e d m y e y e s . T h e r o o m w a s still a b l o c k o f s u n l i g h t w h e n
I o p e n e d them a g a i n , but there w a s no tree.
* * *
N o t l o n g a g o I w a s renting a c o t t a g e o n the e d g e o f D a r t m o o r .
It w a s a S u n d a y afternoon a n d I'd b e e n w o r k i n g at a g l a s s -
t o p p e d table by the w i n d o w . I w a s tired. I h a d n ' t slept well the
p r e v i o u s night. N o w I s t o p p e d , transfixed b y m u s i c .
I often w o r k to m u s i c — u s u a l l y B a c h or M o z a r t . T h i s w a s
B a c h ; a partita for s o l o flute, e n d l e s s l y circling a n d c l i m b i n g ,
falling and rising, b r i g h t lines of s o u n d filling the air. G r e a t
m u s i c cancels the distinction b e t w e e n the external w o r l d a n d
o u r inner life. I w a s a b s o r b e d , but, a l s o , it w a s me w h o w a s
161
PAUL B R O K S
T h i s w a s not a n o u t - o f - b o d y e x p e r i e n c e . I t w a s not u n p l e a s -
ant o r d i s t u r b i n g i n a n y w a y . S u b d u e d b y f a t i g u e , introverted b y
s o l i t u d e , e l e v a t e d b y the e x t r e m e b e a u t y o f the m u s i c , m y per-
c e p t i o n s a n d s e n s e o f s e l f h a d b e e n m o m e n t a r i l y reconfigured.
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Thanks.
Hypnagogic imagery.
163
PAUL B R O K S
Oh.
Or do I mean hypnopompic?
I s u p p o s e they do
So what's special?
H y p n a g o g i c i m a g e s are m o r e v i v i d . T h e r e ' s
m o r e clarity and detail. T h e y s e e m m o r e
a u t o n o m o u s as well. T h e y h a v e a life of their
o w n . I u s e d to g e t beautiful, w e i r d s c e n e s g o i n g
t h r o u g h my s l e e p y h e a d as a child — later, too,
on into my teens and early twenties. It rarely
h a p p e n s now. I t ' s a pity. I m i s s them.
Just faces?
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
by. T h e y a l w a y s s e e m e d t o b e g o i n g s o m e w h e r e .
S o m e o f them w o u l d b e c a r r y i n g p a c k s o r
p u s h i n g carts. I w a s a spectator, on the sidelines,
w a t c h i n g from a d i s t a n c e . I k n e w they w o u l d n ' t
bother m e . I w a s n ' t really part of it. I c o u l d n ' t
enter the s c e n e . A l t h o u g h s o m e t i m e s it d i d s e e m
like t h e y ' d s e n s e d m y p r e s e n c e . O n e o r t w o
w o u l d step o u t s i d e the f l o w , c o m e c l o s e a n d
l o o k directly t o w a r d s m e . B u t their e y e s w e r e
u n s e e i n g , like I w a s b e h i n d a o n e - w a y s c r e e n .
I c o u l d see t h e m , b u t they c o u l d n ' t s e e m e . Yet
for a m o m e n t they s e n s e d I w a s there. I h a d no
influence o v e r the b e h a v i o u r a n d a p p e a r a n c e
o f these creatures, o r the w o r l d they inhabited.
M y brain, o f c o u r s e . S o m e h i d d e n c o r n e r o f
m y mind.
165
PAUL B R O K S
Which?
J e k y l l a n d H y d e , for o n e .
S o m e t i m e s h e s e e m s t o b e talking a b o u t o n e ,
a n d s o m e t i m e s the other. F r o m what h e s a y s
about Jekyll and H y d e it was probably based
on a true n i g h t m a r e . B u t at other times he s e e m s
t o b e d e s c r i b i n g h y p n a g o g i c stuff. H e had this
technique for g e t t i n g into h y p n a g o g i c states.
S o m e t i m e s he w o u l d lie in b e d resting his e l b o w s
on the sheets with his a r m s p o i n t i n g u p w a r d s ,
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p o i s e d t o d r o p i f h e n o d d e d off. T h a t w a y
he c o u l d drift into the h y p n a g o g i c w o r l d a n d
stay alert e n o u g h to w a t c h the s h o w without
d r o p p i n g o f f completely. He talks a lot a b o u t
little p e o p l e , t o o - the little p e o p l e w h o run
the d r e a m theatre.
N o , their c o s t u m e s w e r e G e o r g i a n .
F o r m e , lucid d r e a m s s e e m a b s o l u t e l y real.
Y o u ' r e right there in the thick of it, a n d even
t h o u g h y o u t w i g a t s o m e s t a g e a n d start t o
a p p r e c i a t e that i t ' s a d r e a m or hallucination,
and y o u b e g i n to think it t h r o u g h rationally -
even s o , it still s e e m s real. T h a t C h r i s t m a s tree
w a s there i n the c o r n e r o f the r o o m a s far a s
I c o u l d tell. I went up c l o s e and t o u c h e d it.
N o . Or anything.
167
PAUL B R O K S
I f y o u m e a n s o m e t h i n g s u p e r n a t u r a l like m y
soul s l i p p i n g o u t o f m y skin a n d flying a r o u n d ,
n o , I d o n ' t think i t ' s p o s s i b l e . B u t the thought is
still terrifying. I d o n ' t b e l i e v e in g h o s t s , but, on
b a l a n c e , I ' d rather pitch my tent on a c a m p s i t e
than in a g r a v e y a r d .
What is it?
I don't know.
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N o t quite. B o d y i m a g e i s h o w y o u a s a p e r s o n s e e
yourself. I t ' s like a mental picture y o u h a v e of
y o u r o w n b o d y a n d i t ' s tied u p t o y o u r f e e l i n g s
a b o u t it; y o u r attitude t o w a r d s it. B o d y s c h e m a is
m o r e like the b r a i n ' s w o r k i n g m o d e l o f the b o d y .
169
PAUL B R O K S
E x c i t i n g , but b a r m y .
By the w a y , I s a i d , w h o are y o u ?
170
The Dreams of
Robert Louis Stevenson
Dr Jekyll
171
PAUL B R O K S
a p p e a r a n c e s h e w a s l e a d i n g the s o r t o f life h e w o u l d p r e v i o u s l y
have despised: 'Respectability, dullness, a n d similar villas
e n c o m p a s s e d h i m for miles in e v e r y direction,' w r o t e his s t e p -
s o n . B u t the o u t w a r d i m a g e o f b l a n d respectability m a s k e d the
s u b v e r s i v e m a c h i n a t i o n s of his inner w o r l d ; and here we have a
template for Jekyll and Hyde.
A s a y o u n g m a n e a g e r t o slip the g r i p o f C a l v i n i s t i c c o n v e n -
tion in b o u r g e o i s E d i n b u r g h , S t e v e n s o n cultivated his own,
m o r e b e n i g n , duality o f character. H e and his friend, C h a r l e s
B a x t e r , ' a s s u m e d the liberating r o l e s o f J o h n s o n and T h o m s o n ,
heavy-drinking, convivial, blasphemous iconoclasts, whose
s e n s e of h u m o u r w o u l d h a v e b e e n a little t o o s t r o n g for the
S t e v e n s o n s ' H e r i o t R o w d r a w i n g - r o o m ' ; i n which g u i s e , 'they
c o u l d f u l l - b l o o d e d l y enjoy t h o s e p l e a s u r e s denied to S t e v e n s o n
a n d B a x t e r , a n d t o D r J e k y l l ' . ( I q u o t e from E m m a L e t l e y ' s
172
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173
PAUL B R O K S
O n e e x h a u s t i n g s e q u e n c e o f recurrent d r e a m s w a s ' e n o u g h
to s e n d h i m , t r e m b l i n g for his r e a s o n , to the d o o r s of a certain
d o c t o r ' . T h e d r e a m h a d him in a s u r g i c a l theatre, 'his heart in his
m o u t h , his teeth o n e d g e , s e e i n g m o n s t r o u s m a l f o r m a t i o n s and
the a b h o r r e d dexterity o f s u r g e o n s ' . T h e n h e w o u l d return t o
his l o d g i n g s at the top of a tall b u i l d i n g on the H i g h Street. At
least, he tried to return. I n s t e a d he found h i m s e l f endlessly
c l i m b i n g stairs to reach the top floor, his clothes wet, all manner
o f p e o p l e b r u s h i n g p a s t him o n their w a y d o w n : ' b e g g a r l y
w o m e n o f the street, g r e a t , w e a r y , m u d d y l a b o u r e r s , p o o r
scarecrows of men, pale parodies of women . . . ' When, finally,
h e s a w the light o f d a w n b r e a k i n g t h r o u g h the w i n d o w s h e
w o u l d g i v e u p the ascent, turn, a n d g o b a c k d o w n t o the street
'in his w e t c l o t h e s , in the w e t , h a g g a r d d a w n , t r u d g i n g to
another day of monstrosities and operations'.
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
Storytelling h a d b e c o m e a b u s i n e s s , n o t o n l y for S t e v e n s o n ,
but a l s o for the little p e o p l e w h o r a n the d r e a m theatre. B u t , he
s a y s , they u n d e r s t o o d the c h a n g e a s well a s he. ' W h e n h e l a y
d o w n t o p r e p a r e h i m s e l f for s l e e p , h e n o l o n g e r s o u g h t a m u s e -
ment, but printable and profitable tales; a n d after he h a d d o z e d
off in his b o x - s e a t , his little p e o p l e c o n t i n u e d their e v o l u t i o n s
with the s a m e mercantile d e s i g n s . '
O n e such d r e a m s t o r y is d e s c r i b e d at l e n g t h . It is w o r t h
r e c o u n t i n g i n detail b e f o r e h e a r i n g S t e v e n s o n ' s a p p r a i s a l . H e
175
PAUL B R O K S
176
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
— I cannot r e m e m b e r w h a t it w a s , b u t it w a s d e a d l y e v i d e n c e
a g a i n s t the d r e a m e r — and as she held it up to l o o k at it, p e r h a p s
from the s h o c k o f the d i s c o v e r y , her foot s l i p p e d , a n d s h e h u n g
a t s o m e peril o n the brink o f the tall s a n d - w r e a t h s . H e h a d n o
thought but t o s p r i n g u p a n d r e s c u e her; a n d there they s t o o d
face to face, she with that d e a d l y matter o p e n l y in her h a n d — his
v e r y p r e s e n c e o n the s p o t another link o f p r o o f . '
177
PAUL B R O K S
T h e d r e a m s t o r y r e a c h e s its c l i m a x the f o l l o w i n g m o r n i n g a t
b r e a k f a s t . T h r o u g h o u t the m e a l s h e h a d 'tortured him with sly
a l l u s i o n s ' b u t now, with the s e r v a n t s g o n e , he b u r s t s from his
r e s e r v e a n d confronts her. W h y w a s s h e treating him s o ? S h e
k n e w e v e r y t h i n g . W h y d i d s h e not s i m p l y d e n o u n c e h i m ? W h y
m u s t s h e torture h i m ? H e a s k s o v e r a n d over. S h e , too, has
s p r u n g to her feet, p a l e f a c e d .
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S t e v e n s o n w o n d e r s whether his r o l e m i g h t b e s t b e u n d e r -
s t o o d as an a d v i s e r a n d enabler; he edits the s t o r i e s ; he d r e s s e s
them in his finest p r o s e ; he p e r f o r m s the l a b o r i o u s task of sitting
at the table and writing the w o r d s d o w n ; a n d he p r e p a r e s a n d
179
PAUL B R O K S
C o n s c i e n c e m a k e s c o w a r d s o f u s all.
180
Voodoo Child (Slight Return)
T h a t d a y o n his w a y t o w o r k h e s t o p p e d a t the n e w s a g e n t s , a s
u s u a l , to b u y a n e w s p a p e r . He p a i d for it b u t , on the w a y out,
181
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182
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
R o b e r t g o e s b a c k to C o r n w a l l , w h e r e he finds a b a r j o b ,
g r o w s his hair, cultivates a tanned a n d w e a t h e r e d l o o k a n d
b e c o m e s , in effect, s o m e o n e e l s e .
T w o y e a r s later, l i v i n g a l o n e in a t h r e a d b a r e b e d - s i t in the
s u b u r b s of a northern city, R o b e r t can s c a r c e l y recollect the
C o r n i s h interlude. T h e r e are f r a g m e n t s , i m a g e s f r o m s o m e o n e
e l s e ' s m e m o r y , b u t they d o n ' t c o h e r e — a b l u e l a m p s h a d e , a
rainy night, the shiny, stainless-steel s u r f a c e s of a hotel kitchen,
183
PAUL B R O K S
T h e lecture s e e m s t o h a v e g o n e well e n o u g h . T h e s e n e u r o -
g o t h i c tales g e n e r a l l y d o . I tell them ' R o b e r t ' s s t o r y ' is a
s o m e w h a t e m b e l l i s h e d a c c o u n t of a real c a s e . I ' v e tinkered with
s o m e o f the b i o g r a p h i c a l i n f o r m a t i o n a n d , o f c o u r s e , the
p a t i e n t ' s n a m e w a s not really R o b e r t , but the clinical details a r e ,
in e s s e n c e , faithful. T h i s m a n really did l e a v e his family on an
impulse following several episodes o f uncharacteristically
184
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
H e w a s a J i m i H e n d r i x fan, t o o . A l a r g e , i c o n i c i m a g e o f the
g r e a t m a n stared from his b e d r o o m wall at the rehab unit. H e n -
drix, at least, r e m a i n e d c o n s t a n t in his life. W h e t h e r or n o t he
s t o o d in conference with the m i r r o r in the w a y I d e s c r i b e at the
b e g i n n i n g a n d the end, I ' v e no i d e a . I threw that in. P e r h a p s ,
s o m e w h e r e , I h a d in m i n d the i m a g e of J e k y l l s t a n d i n g b e f o r e
the m i r r o r a s h e w a t c h e s his t r a n s f o r m a t i o n into H y d e , a n d
then, a t the end, p e r h a p s i t w a s D r a c u l a , bereft o f s o u l , bereft o f
reflection. I d o n ' t k n o w . I t ' s o n l y just o c c u r r e d to m e . After the
operation h e really did expect t o return t o the b o s o m o f his
family, u n a w a r e that they h a d l o n g since m o v e d o n .
185
PAUL B R O K S
D e s p i t e my u n d i s g u i s e d haste to d r a w the p r o c e e d i n g s to a
c l o s e (I h a v e a train to catch) there a r e several q u e s t i o n s . S o m e
a r e technical, but they a r e m o s t l y a b o u t the story, as a story. Fair
enough.
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187
PAUL B R O K S
***
188
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
189
PAUL B R O K S
A c o r p s e ? W h e r e d i d that c o m e f r o m ? B u t then an i m a g e of
last n i g h t ' s s t r a n g e d r e a m f l o a t s b e f o r e m e . Matilda, o n e o f the
190
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
At s o m e level I k n e w it w a s a d r e a m b e c a u s e s a w i n g t h r o u g h
the skull of a c a d a v e r invariably r e l e a s e s the smell of b u r n i n g
b o n e - think of that acrid smell of the d e n t i s t ' s drill b o r i n g
into y o u r teeth. B u t t h e r e ' s n o o d o u r . N o s o u n d e v e n . S o o n
the top of the skull is r e m o v e d a n d we are l o o k i n g inside at the
remnants of the brain, except it l o o k s m o r e like a m a s s of m e l t e d
candle w a x than a brain. I c a n s e n s e M a t t i e ' s d i s g u s t . She's going
to be sick, I think. A n d s h e is - just a little, in the efficient, m e a s -
ured w a y that cats are sick — straight into the o p e n e d h e a d a n d
over the w a x y brain.
T h i s j o b i s g e t t i n g t o m e . P e r h a p s t h e r e ' s a part o f m e t r y i n g
t o tell m e s o m e t h i n g . A s i f r e p u l s e d b y m y p r i v a t e t h o u g h t s ( a r e
they h o v e r i n g like a p o l l u t e d mist a b o v e my h e a d ? ) , a w o m a n at
the b a c k of the hall stands up and m a k e s her w a y to the exit.
T h e d r e a m r e p l a y s itself like a s c e n e f r o m a film. I m e r e l y
o b s e r v e . T h e m a c a b r e narrative h a s n o t h i n g t o d o with m e .
I didn't plan or construct it. It a p p e a r e d fully f o r m e d in my
d r e a m . If s o m e o n e had told me this s t o r y y e s t e r d a y , as a d r e a m
vignette o f their o w n , I w o u l d not h a v e c l a i m e d rights o f o w n -
ership. It w o u l d h a v e s e e m e d novel a n d unfamiliar. If o v e r
breakfast this m o r n i n g I h a d b e e n a s k e d a b o u t my d r e a m last
night, I m i g h t well h a v e b e e n u n a b l e to r e m e m b e r . I u s u a l l y
can't.
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PAUL B R O K S
T h e a u d i e n c e settles d o w n w h e n I s h o w them d i a g r a m s o f
the b r a i n a n d tabulate s o m e o f the clinical s y n d r o m e s associated
with d a m a g e to the frontal l o b e s :
192
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
193
PAUL B R O K S
s u i c i d e of an u n d e r g r a d u a t e . A w o m a n , a final-year student. It
is n o t a n a m e I r e c o g n i z e . T h e train clatters a c r o s s s o m e points,
c l a c k e t y - c l a c k , a n d m y s t o m a c h turns.
' T h a t girl w h o killed herself. W h a t did she l o o k l i k e ? '
I ' m h o m e . A t last I ' v e found m y old a d d r e s s b o o k and I ' m
p h o n i n g a f o r m e r c o l l e a g u e at the university, the o n e w h o per-
s u a d e d me to do the lectures. He is s l u g g i s h . It is well past
midnight.
194
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195
Mr Barrington's Quandary
196
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
A p p a r e n t l y it fell o u t at the w e e k e n d , m o s t l y d u r i n g S a t u r d a y
night while he lay in b e d t r y i n g to sleep. It c a m e o u t in c l u m p s as
his h e a d t o s s e d a n d turned on the pillow, c o v e r i n g the sheets a n d
sticking to his p e r s p i r i n g skin. He tried to b r u s h it a w a y , b u t the
sheets w e r e d a m p a n d h e w a s afraid o f w a k i n g his w i f e . S e v e r a l
times h e went t o the b a t h r o o m t o d i s p o s e o f the hair h e h a d
g a t h e r e d , each time n o t i c i n g in the mirror, w i t h o u t p a r t i c u l a r
d i s m a y , the v i r g i n p a t c h e s o f skin a d v a n c i n g a c r o s s his h e a d .
197
PAUL B R O K S
198
I N T O T H E S I L E N T L A N D
I o n c e m a d e a h o m e visit to s e e a h e a d - i n j u r e d patient. S o m e -
o n e h a d s w u n g a b a s e b a l l b a t t h r o u g h the front of his skull. A
year o n a n d h e w a s d o i n g a s well a s c o u l d b e e x p e c t e d . H e c a m e
to g r e e t me at the front d o o r , b u t as he put his h a n d f o r w a r d he
noticed a milk bottle on the d o o r s t e p . B e f o r e his h a n d c o n n e c t e d
with mine h e w a s b e n d i n g t o p i c k u p the bottle. H e h a d a l m o s t
reached it when he b e g a n to straighten a g a i n a n d turn t o w a r d s
m e , only t o c h a n g e tack and b e n d t o the d o o r s t e p . H e s t r a i g h t -
ened a g a i n . H e bent. H e s t r a i g h t e n e d . H e bent. H e shifted his
weight and shuffled, s t r u g g l i n g t o e x e c u t e o n e o r other o f the
action p l a n s h o p e l e s s l y misfiring in the mutilated circuitry of his
frontal l o b e s : motor dysexecutive syndrome. Finally, I p i c k e d up
the bottle and g a v e it to him. We w o u l d h a v e b e e n there all d a y
otherwise. P e r h a p s M r B a r r i n g t o n ' s q u a n d a r y i s a c a s e o f m o r a l
dysexecutive syndrome.
199
Out of Darkness Cometh Light
200
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
T h e other d a y I s h o w e d my students a v i d e o . T h e s c e n e is a
clinic r o o m . A y o u n g m a n a n d an old m a n sit f a c i n g each other.
T h e y o u n g m a n is taking a history, p u t t i n g q u e s t i o n s , carefully
p r o b i n g the old m a n ' s o b s e r v a t i o n s and recollections. T h e old
m a n concentrates, g i v i n g each q u e s t i o n careful t h o u g h t , b u t it is
clear from his r e s p o n s e s that, d e s p i t e a p p e a r a n c e s ( h e s m i l e s
readily, s e e m s fully e n g a g e d a n d h a s put on a suit for the o c c a -
s i o n ) , there are g r e a t v o i d s b e t w e e n the s p a r s e c o n s t e l l a t i o n s o f
recollection.
201
PAUL B R O K S
202
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
A n o t h e r v i e w is that we s h o u l d a b a n d o n the i d e a of a p e r s i s t -
i n g e g o . A p e r s o n is m o r e like a club — a football club, s a y -
existing b y c o n s e n s u s , c a p a b l e o f d i s s o l u t i o n a n d r e c o n s t i t u -
tion. W o l v e r h a m p t o n W a n d e r e r s twice w e n t into liquidation in
the 1980s; the current p l a y e r s w e r e n ' t e v e n b o r n w h e n I started
c o m i n g t o matches; the s t a d i u m w a s d e m o l i s h e d a n d rebuilt.
N o t h i n g tangible s u r v i v e s , yet here we a r e still — me a n d the
Wolves.
203
To Be Two or Not to Be
T e l e p o r t a t i o n i s s p e e d - o f - l i g h t swift. T h e j o u r n e y t o M a r s ,
w h i c h o n c e t o o k s e v e r a l w e e k s b y c o n v e n t i o n a l spacecraft, can
204
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
205
PAUL B R O K S
206
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
207
PAUL B R O K S
' T h a t is correct.'
' W e l l , ' I s a i d . 'Well, fuck m e . W h a t went w r o n g ? '
A c t u a l l y , I w a s less taken a b a c k than y o u m i g h t i m a g i n e .
H u m a n e v o l u t i o n h a s e q u i p p e d the b r a i n with a n i m p r e s s i v e
r a n g e o f a d a p t i v e r e s p o n s e s for c o p i n g with all sorts o f situa-
tions. It g e a r s up the b o d y for fight or flight in the face of
p h y s i c a l threat, to recoil from c o n t a m i n a t i o n , to affiliate with its
f e l l o w s , t o m a t e a n d r e p r o d u c e , a n d t o c o m e t o t e r m s with loss.
B u t s e l f - d u p l i c a t i o n w a s not a feature o f H o m o s a p i e n s ' envi-
ronment of evolutionary adaptedness out there on the
s a v a n n a h . It takes a while to f o r m u l a t e a r e s p o n s e .
208
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
T h e y t o o k me to a s m a l l r o o m that l o o k e d o u t u p o n a q u a d -
r a n g l e . A solitary c o p p e r b e e c h o c c u p i e d the centre of the lawn,
its p u r p l i s h - b r o w n leaves s h i m m e r i n g in the e v e n i n g s u n s h i n e . I
lay on my b u n k and stared at the ceiling. It g r e w d a r k . I l o n g e d
to s p e a k to my wife and children, b u t c o m m u n i c a t i o n with the
outside w o r l d w a s forbidden. I w a n t e d to r e a s s u r e t h e m that I
w a s okay. I w o u l d h a v e called them by n o w in o r d i n a r y c i r c u m -
stances. T h e y ' d b e w o r r i e d sick. W h a t h a d they b e e n t o l d ? A n d
then, d r o p p i n g like a f o r g e h a m m e r from my h e a d to my g u t ,
this thought: The call has already been made.
209
PAUL B R O K S
I t w a s D e r e k . H e e x p l a i n e d , without preliminary. T h e S u b -
c o m m i t t e e ' s q u a n d a r y — my mortal p r o b l e m — w a s this: given
the u n f o r t u n a t e turn o f e v e n t s , they w e r e n o w d e b a t i n g whether
to a l l o w me a n d my replica to continue to exist in parallel, and
thereby c o n t r a v e n e the P r o l i f e r a t i o n o f P e r s o n s A c t , o r t o h a v e
o n e o f u s , e v e n a t this late s t a g e , v a p o r i z e d . T o b e two, o r not t o
b e . It w a s a hard o n e to call, he s a i d . In law, the creation of sur-
p l u s i n d i v i d u a l s w a s a s e r i o u s c r i m e ; the m i r r o r i m a g e o f
m u r d e r . T o D e r e k ' s k n o w l e d g e , m y replica h a d not i m m e d i -
ately b e e n i n f o r m e d o f the c i r c u m s t a n c e s , s o had carried o n a s i f
n o t h i n g u n t o w a r d h a d h a p p e n e d . H e c o u l d not s a y for sure that
it h a d b e e n i n f o r m e d e v e n now. T h i s c o u l d be an influential
factor i f the S u b c o m m i t t e e d e c i d e d that o n e o f u s h a d t o g o .
210
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
N e v e r t h e l e s s , D e r e k h a d a point. E a c h o f the p r e v i o u s t i m e s
I'd b e e n teleported to M a r s the e x p e r i e n c e w a s the s a m e . I
walked out o f the b o o t h with perfect recollection o f the d a y ' s
events up to the point of s t a n d i n g in the t r a n s c e i v e r on E a r t h
and experiencing that familiar little jolt a n d the b r i e f b l a c k n e s s ,
and then there I w a s t a k i n g in the Martian l a n d s c a p e . T h e r e w a s
perfect continuity. T h e twelfth time I r e m e m b e r e d the eleventh,
the eleventh time the tenth, a n d so o n . A n d each time I c o u l d
reflect b a c k not just o n that d a y ' s events, but o n e v e n t s o f the
p r e v i o u s day, too, the p r e v i o u s w e e k s a n d m o n t h s a n d all the
y e a r s o f m y sentient, s e l f - c o n s c i o u s life.
211
PAUL B R O K S
212
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
H e had o n c e w a t c h e d h i m s e l f d i e , h e told m e . I t w a s o n e o f
the first interplanetary teleportations. H i s first, a n d only, visit to
M a r s . H e entered the b o o t h and f o l l o w e d the u s u a l p r o c e d u r e s
and, s u r e e n o u g h , s t e p p e d o u t into the reception z o n e at the
Martian b a s e a s i f h e w e r e s t e p p i n g o u t o f his front d o o r . I t w a s
213
PAUL B R O K S
a b i g e v e n t i n t h o s e d a y s . T h e y w e r e r e a d y with c h a m p a g n e and
s m o k e d s a l m o n to c e l e b r a t e . At first no o n e in the reception
p a r t y w a s a w a r e o f the malfunction b a c k o n Earth. B u t then the
m e s s a g e c a m e t h r o u g h . S c a n n i n g a n d t r a n s m i s s i o n had w o r k e d
a treat — of c o u r s e they h a d , there he w a s , s o a k i n g his reconsti-
tuted flesh in c h a m p a g n e — b u t the v a p o r i z a t i o n p h a s e had failed
to kick in.
214
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
215
PAUL B R O K S
D e r e k l e a n e d f o r w a r d , e l b o w s o n k n e e s , t h u m b s t o cheek-
b o n e s , f i n g e r s t o f o r e h e a d . ' Y e s a n d no,' h e s a i d .
He e x p l a i n e d that there w e r e t w o w a y s of l o o k i n g at a p e r s o n
or, rather, t w o theories a b o u t w h a t p e r s o n s a r e , and what is
i n v o l v e d i n their c o n t i n u e d existence o v e r time. T h e f i r s t theory
h e called E g o T h e o r y . T h i s i s the intuitive, c o m m o n - s e n s e view,
b u t o n e that w a s held, a l s o , b y s o m e o f the g r e a t e s t p h i l o s o -
phers, m o s t famously R e n e Descartes. It m a d e sense to me, too:
I w a k e up in the m o r n i n g ; I go to w o r k ; I feel h a p p y w h e n things
go well a n d I feel frustrated w h e n they d o n ' t ; I hold certain
beliefs a b o u t the w o r l d a n d e x p r e s s v a r i o u s o p i n i o n s and prefer-
e n c e s : I u s e d to like B e e t h o v e n , but n o w I prefer Mozart; I like
c h o c o l a t e better than c h e e s e c a k e ; I enjoy w a l k s in the c o u n t r y -
s i d e ; I take the v i e w that p e o p l e s h o u l d be kind to o n e another,
a n d I feel b a d if I do the w r o n g thing. I act, I feel, I think, I
b e l i e v e , I g r o w older, a n d I c h a n g e in other w a y s . B u t 'I' am
a l w a y s there a t the centre o f t h i n g s a s time g o e s by.
216
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
217
PAUL B R O K S
218
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
T h e s e n s e that I w a s a u t h o r o f m y o w n t h o u g h t s a n d a c t i o n s
felt like m o r e than a 'fact of g r a m m a r ' to m e . D e r e k m e r e l y
replied that y e s , it w a s i n d e e d difficult to a c c e p t the truth of the
matter. He said there w a s a conflict b e t w e e n scientific u n d e r -
s t a n d i n g and p e o p l e ' s o r d i n a r y intuitions a b o u t w h a t they
believe t h e m s e l v e s to b e , b e c a u s e there is n o t h i n g in the b r a i n
sciences t o s u p p o r t E g o T h e o r y .
219
PAUL B R O K S
220
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
221
PAUL B R O K S
222
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
223
PAUL B R O K S
224
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
225
Gulls
226
INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
'No.'
' Y o u think i t ' s cancer.'
'Yes.'
T h e n u r s e specialist h a s j o i n e d u s : b a d n e w s personified. T h e
s u r g e o n leaves and it's the three o f u s i n the e x a m i n a t i o n r o o m ,
K a t e ' s tears hot o n m y shoulder. T h e n u r s e sits quietly. I h a v e
my b a c k to her, which feels like a d i s c o u r t e s y .
I t ' s a nasty, sticky w o r d , ' m a s t e c t o m y ' . I d o n ' t like the s o u n d
of it c o m i n g from the s u r g e o n ' s m o u t h . We are b a c k in the
consulting r o o m . H e ' s plotting the likely c o u r s e : s u r g e r y ,
chemotherapy, and radiotherapy, not n e c e s s a r i l y in that order.
W e d o n ' t g o straight h o m e . W e stop b y the r i v e r s i d e a n d w a l k i n
the w o o d s . I can't r e m e m b e r the last time I w e p t .
A w e e k o n . T h e y ' r e setting it up as a B a d N e w s C o n s u l t a t i o n .
T h e y h a v e g r a v e - j o l l y faces — p r o f e s s i o n a l wistfulness. B u t w e
k n o w already. T h e r e isn't m u c h b y w a y o f preliminary. T h e
s u r g e o n squints o v e r his s p e c t a c l e s .
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F i v e m o n t h s o n , p o s t - c h e m o , K a t e lies on a hospital b e d ,
d r a p e d in drips and d r a i n s , r e c o v e r i n g from her s e c o n d o p e r a -
tion i n a m o n t h . T h e f i r s t w a s t o r e m o v e the l u m p . T h i s o n e h a s
restored the b r e a s t to its o r i g i n a l s h a p e , t h o u g h we h a v e yet to
see the s c u l p t o r ' s h a n d i w o r k . S h e is s w a d d l e d in a ' b e a r h u g g e r '
blanket, filled with w a r m air to aid the p e r f u s i o n of b l o o d . W i t h
her hair just starting t o g r o w b a c k she l o o k s like the D a l a i L a m a ,
but m u c h prettier.
* * *
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A w a i t e r a p p e a r e d f r o m n o w h e r e offering s o m e t h i n g , but
the w o m a n w a v e d him away. K a t e had her b a c k to all this and
couldn't see what w a s g o i n g on.
S o m e h o w , the m a n a n d w o m a n o n the terrace b r o u g h t t o
m i n d a s c e n e f r o m a novel I h a d b e e n r e a d i n g : K u n d e r a ' s Immor-
tality. O n e of the c h a r a c t e r s , A g n e s , is l y i n g in b e d next to her
h u s b a n d , P a u l . B o t h h a v e difficulty s l e e p i n g and A g n e s drifts
into a familiar fantasy a b o u t a kindly visitor from another
planet. T h e s t r a n g e r tells her that in the next life she will not be
r e t u r n i n g to E a r t h .
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PAUL B R O K S
T h e F r e n c h c o u p l e w e r e a w a y i n the s h a d o w s . Y o u could
h a r d l y s e e t h e m now. B u t a s e c o n d a n d third time I noticed the
m a n ' s h a n d e s c a p e a n d , each t i m e , s a w the w o m a n retrieve it. H e
jerked a n d w r i t h e d as she tied the a r m s together, b e f o r e settling
b a c k into a b u n c h e d r e p o s e , set to unravel a g a i n at any m o m e n t .
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PAUL B R O K S
has some interesting things to say about phantom limbs and the neuro-
biological bases of the body schema, complementing the impression-
istic treatment I accord these topics in 'The Ghost Tree' chapters.
Todd E. Feinberg's Altered Egos: How the Brain Creates the Self
(Oxford University Press, 2001) is another excellent collection of case-
study vignettes and theoretical speculations. Among other fascinating
material, it contains a chapter on the important (but in research terms
relatively neglected) phenomenon of confabulation, which topic
forms one of the strands of 'Soul in a Bucket'. I was amused to discover
that we both appreciate the utility of the eye and pyramid symbol,
though use it to quite different ends.
As for basic textbooks, I list my recommendations below. There
may be other books of equal merit, but these are the ones with which I
am familiar and they are very good indeed:
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
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INTO T H E S I L E N T L A N D
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Luria should be read not least for his understanding that neuro-
psychology concerns individual human beings — patients — struggling
to make their way in a world rendered difficult and sometimes dis-
turbingly strange by their brain damage. As far as neuropsychology is
concerned, he was an advocate of 'romantic science' — recognizing the
importance of combining close observation of individual patients (and
understanding them as people) with a more systematic, 'classical'
understanding of the facts of neurological disorder derived through
conventional scientific method. This should be the aim of all clinicians
— not to lose sight of the unique in the context of the universal, and vice
versa.
Luria's scientific biography, The Making of Mind: A Personal
Account of Soviet Psychology (Harvard University Press, 1986), edited
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A C K N O W L E D G E M E N T S
Thanks to the patients whose stories lie at the heart of this book and
from whom I have had the privilege of learning about the human
dimension of neuropsychology, as opposed to what the textbooks
teach. I hope I have given something in return.
It is a plain fact that this book would not have been written without
the vision of my editor and publisher, Toby Mundy. The project was
Toby's idea in the first place and he has seen it through with great elan.
Apart from anything else, I thank him for his patience. It has also been
a pleasure working with the impressive Bonnie Chiang, and, previ-
ously, Alice Hunt at Atlantic Books. I am grateful to Ian Pindar who
read the penultimate draft in full and made numerous fine adjustments.
Warm thanks also to my friends at Prospect, in particular David Good-
hart and Alex Linklater, for the opportunity to write a monthly column
for a very fine magazine.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank my entire family for their
unfailing support down the years, but most of all my wife, Sonja, and
sons Daniel and Jonathan, to whom I dedicate this book. You are more
precious to me than ever.
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