SINIGANG by Marby Villaceran

SO, what happened? She had finally decided to ask the !estion" I had been wonderin# how lon# $y %ita &olen# co!ld contain her c!riosity" I contin!ed to pick o!t to$atoes for the sinigang we were to ha'e for dinner" I wasn(t !s!ally the one who assisted $y a!nt with the cookin#" She preferred $y yo!n#er sister, Me#, for I knew far less in this area)not ha'in# the aptit!de, or the interest, I #!ess)for re$e$berin# recipes" %hat didn(t $atter today, tho!#h" %his ti$e, %ita &olen# wanted $ore than *!st an e+tra pair of hands in the kitchen" Nothin# $!ch, I answered offhandedly" ,e did what people !s!ally do d!rin# f!nerals" I re$inded

$yself to tread caref!lly with her" %ho!#h I did not really feel like talkin#, I co!ld not tell her off for she took offense rather easily" I p!t the to$atoes in the s$all palanggana, caref!l not to br!ise their delicate skin, and carried the$ to the sink" -id yo! $eet.her? %ita &olen# asked" %here ca$e to $e a $e$ory of sittin# in one of the s$aller narra sofas in the li'in# roo$ in /!lacan" I faced a s$ooth white coffin whose corners bore #old0plated fi#!res of cher!bs fra$ed by elaborate swirls rese$blin# thick, c!rlin# 'ines" %wo #olden candelabras, each s!pportin# three rows of hi#h0 watta#e electric candles, flanked the coffin and seared the white kalachuchi in the f!neral wreaths, ca!sin# the flowers to release $ore of their heady scent before they wilted pre$at!rely" %hro!#h an open doorway, I co!ld see into the ne+t roo$ where a few !nfa$iliar faces held $!r$!red con'ersations abo'e their coffee c!ps" Are yo! &i1a? A wo$an beside $e s!ddenly asked" I was s!rprised, for I had not heard anyone approachin#" Most of the $o!rners preferred to stay o!t on the 'eranda for fear that the heat fro$ the li#hts $i#ht also ca!se the$ to wither" I looked !p slowly2 lon#, sli$ feet with $a!'e0 painted toenails that peeked thro!#h the openin# of a pair of scr!ffy0lookin# slippers3 s$ooth le#s !n$arred by swollen 'eins or scars)so !nlike the

spider0'eined le#s of $y $o$)encased in a black, pencil0c!t skirt3 a white blo!se with its slee'es too lon# for the wearer, ca!sin# the e+tra fabric to b!nch aro!nd the c!ffs3 a sli$ neck whose skin sa##ed *!st a little bit3 and a pale face that see$ed like it had not e+perienced sleep in days" %he wo$an looked to $e like she was in her forties) the sa$e a#e as $y $other" 4es, I had answered that wo$an)the sa$e answer I now #a'e to %ita &olen#" I #ently spilled o!t all the to$atoes into the sink and t!rned on the tap" %he water, like agua bendita, cleansed each to$ato of the #ri$e fro$ its ori#ins" ,hat did she tell yo!? %ita &olen# asked" Nothin# $!ch" She told $e who she was" ,hat did she look like? She(s pretty, I #!ess" She was" She looked like she had Indian blood with her sharp nose and deep0set eyes thickly bordered by lon# lashes" 5!st like Mo$, she still $aintained a sli$ fi#!re tho!#h she already had children" %he wo$an, !pon seein# $y c!rio!s stare, had e+plained, I a$ Syl'ia" All $y $!scles tensed !pon hearin# her na$e" It took all $y self0control to o!twardly re$ain cal$ and si$ply raise an eyebrow"

My reaction ca!sed a ran#e of e$otion to cross the wo$an(s face before it finally cr!$bled and #a'e way to tears" S!ddenly, she #rabbed $y hand fro$ where it had been restin# on the ar$ of the sofa" 6er own hands were da$p and sticky with sweat" She knelt in front of $e)a sinner confessin# before a priest so he co!ld wash away the dirt fro$ her past" /!t I was not a priest" I looked down at her and $y face re$ained i$passi'e" ,hen her weepin# had s!bsided, she raised her head and looked at $e" 7'eryone $akes $istakes, &i1a" 6er eyes be##ed for !nderstandin#" It was a line strai#ht o!t of a 8ilipino soap opera" I had a feelin# that the whole sit!ation was a scene fro$ a 'ery bad $elodra$a I was watchin#" I looked aro!nd to see if anyone had witnessed the spectacle !nfoldin# in this li'in# roo$, b!t it was as if an in'isible director had banned all b!t the actors fro$ the set" 7+cept for !s, not a so!l co!ld be seen" I wanted Syl'ia to free $y hand so I nodded and pretended to !nderstand" Apparently con'inced, she let #o and, to $y shock, s!ddenly h!##ed $e ti#ht" My nose wrinkled as the p!n#ent $i+ of hea'y perf!$e and sweat assailed $e" I wanted to screa$ at her to let #o b!t I did not $o'e away" 6$$, I think they(re washed eno!#h na" %ita &olen# said" %!rnin# off the tap, I placed the to$atoes inside the basin once $ore" %hen, as an aftertho!#ht, I told $y

%ita, I don(t think she is as pretty as Mo$, tho!#h" %ita &olen# nodded !nderstandin#ly" She #est!red for $e to place the basin on the table where she already had the kni'es and choppin# board ready" ,here was yo!r -ad when she was talkin# to yo!? Oh, he was sleepin# in one of the bedroo$s" Mo$ did not want to wake hi$ !p beca!se they told her he had not slept for two ni#hts strai#ht" %ita &olen# snorted" Haay, yo!r $other talaga, she said, shakin# her head" I had to s$ile at that before contin!in#" ,hen he saw $e, Syl'ia had already been called away to entertain so$e of the 'isitors" ,as he s!rprised to see yo!? %ita knew that I had not wanted to #o to the f!neral" Act!ally, she was one of the few people who respected, and !nderstood, $y decision" No" I sliced each of the to$atoes in !arters" %he blade of the knife clacked fiercely a#ainst the hard wood of the choppin# board" 6e re !ested Mo$ to $ake $e #o there" ,e both knew that I co!ld ne'er ha'e ref!sed $y $other once she insisted that I attend" I had e'en #one o!t and #otten dr!nk with so$e friends the ni#ht before we were to lea'e *!st so I co!ld ha'e an e+c!se not to #o, b!t $y $o$ was infle+ible" She had ordered $y two sisters to wake $e !p"

%ita &olen# #a'e $e a sy$pathetic look" No choice then, h!h? She was fore'er baffled at the way $y $other co!ld be s!ch a $artyr when it ca$e to $y father and s!ch a tyrant to her children" 9lack: 9lack: %he knife hacked 'iolently a#ainst the board" Nope" ,hen $y -ad had co$e o!t of the roo$, I re$e$bered sensin# it i$$ediately)the sa$e way an ani$al instincti'ely percei'es when it is in dan#er" I had been lookin# at the face of $y dead half0brother, searchin# for any rese$blance between !s" 9he$otherapy had s!nk his cheeks and had $ade his hair fall o!t, b!t e'en in this condition, I co!ld see how handso$e he $!st ha'e been before his treat$ent" 6is fra$ed photo#raph atop the #lass co'erin# of the coffin confir$ed this" &e$ took after $y father so $!ch that -ad co!ld ne'er e'en hope to deny that he was his son" I, on the other hand, had taken after $y $other" I knew $y father was starin# at $e b!t I ref!sed look at hi$" 6e approached and stood ne+t to $e" I re$ained silent" I a$ #lad yo! ca$e, he said" I #a'e hi$ a non0co$$ittal nod, not e'en #lancin# his way" %ita &olen# interr!pted $y tho!#hts with another one of her !estions" -id yo! cry?

I shook $y head 'ehe$ently as I answered, No" I took the sliced to$atoes, s!rprised to find not e'en a splinter of wood with the$, as well as the onions %ita &olen# had chopped and p!t the$ in a pot" ,hat ne+t? I asked her" %he salt" %hen she went and added a heapin# tablespoonf!l of salt to the pot" Is that all? ;h0h!h" 4o!r Mo$ and I prefer it a bit saltier, b!t yo!r -ad likes it this way" %hen she #est!red towards the pot, closin# and openin# her fist like a baby fle+in# its fin#ers" I started cr!shin# the onions, to$atoes, and salt to#ether with $y hand" 6e was an acolyte in ch!rch, $y father had said then, finally splinterin# the silence I had ada$antly $aintained" 8ather Mario said that we sho!ldn(t feel sad beca!se &e$ is ass!red of #oin# to a better place beca!se he was s!ch a #ood child" Good, I tho!#ht, unlike me whom he always called Sinverguenza, the shameless daughter. I finally t!rned to hi$" %here was only one !estion I needed to ask" ,hy? 6e $et $y #a1e" I waited b!t he wo!ld not)co!ld not) answer $e" 6e looked away" My $ask of indifference slipped" It felt like a #iant hand was r!bbin# salt into $e, s !ee1in# and

$ashin#, !nsatisfied !ntil all of $e had been cr!shed" Stop it na, &i1a: %ita &olen# e+clai$ed" Any$ore of that $ashin# and yo! will be p!ttin# bits of yo!r own flesh and bone in there, $y a!nt warned" She went to the refri#erator and took o!t plastic ba#s containin# 'e#etables" She placed the$ in the sink" All of these will be needed for the sini#an#, she said" <repare the$ while yo!(re softenin# the $eat" %hen she took off her apron, 4o! #o and finish off here" I will *!st #o to $y roo$ and stretch $y back o!t a bit" ,ith a tender pat on $y head, she walked o!t of the kitchen" I breathed a si#h of relief" %he stopped, for now" !estions had

I po!red the hugas bigas into the $ass of cr!shed onions and to$atoes and added the ch!nks of beef into the concoction before co'erin# the pot and placin# it on the sto'e" I t!rned on the fla$e" %he sini#an# needed to si$$er for close to an ho!r to tenderi1e the $eat" In the $eanti$e, I started preparin# all the other in#redients that will be added to the pot later on" %akin# all the plastic ba#s, I !nloaded their contents into the sink then washed and drained each 'e#etable thoro!#hly before p!ttin# the$ beside $y choppin# board" I reached for the b!nch of kangkong and be#an breakin# off choice sections to be incl!ded in the stew" ,hen I was a child, before %ita &olen# had chosen to stay with !s, $y $o$ !sed to do the

cookin# and she wo!ld ha'e Me# and I sit beside her while she readied the $eals" I re$e$bered that whene'er it ca$e to any dish in'ol'in# kan#kon#, I wo!ld always insist on preparin# it beca!se I lo'ed the crisp poppin# so!nd the 'e#etable $ade whene'er I broke off a ste$" It was on one s!ch occasion, I was in second year hi#h school by then b!t still insistent on kan#kon# preparation, when Mo$ had di'!l#ed the tr!th abo!t the boy who kept callin# -ad on the phone e'eryday at ho$e" Me# had also been there, breakin# off strin# beans into two0inch sections" Neither of !s had reacted $!ch then, b!t between !s, I knew I was $ore affected by what Mo$ had said beca!se ri#ht !ntil then, I had always been -addy(s #irl" ,hen the kan#kon# was done, I threw away the to!#h, !nwanted parts and reached for the labanos" I !sed a peeler to strip away the skin)re'ealin# the white, sli#htly #rainy flesh)and then sliced each root dia#onally" Ne+t ca$e the sigarilyas, and finally, the strin# beans" Once, I asked %ita &olen# how she knew what type of 'e#etable to p!t into sini#an# and she said, ,ell, one ne'er really knows which will taste #ood !ntil one has tried it" I $ean, so$e people cook sini#an# with #!a'as, so$e with kamias" It is a dish whose recipe wo!ld depend $ostly on the taste of those who will do the eatin#" I #ot a fork and went to the sto'e where the $eat was si$$erin#" I prodded the ch!nks to test whether they were tender eno!#h)and they were" After po!rin# in so$e $ore of the rice washin#, I cleared the table and waited for the stew to boil" A few $in!tes later, the so!nd of rapidly poppin#

b!bbles declared that it was now ti$e to add the powdered ta$arind $i+" I po!red in the whole packet and stirred" %hen I took the 'e#etables and added the$, a fistf!l at a ti$e, to the pot" As I did so, I re$e$bered the flower petals each of $y two sisters and I had thrown, fistf!l by fistf!l, into the freshly d!# #ra'e as &e$(s casket was bein# lowered into it" My dad was cryin# beside $e and I recalled thinkin#, would he be the same if was the one who had died! I #lanced !p at hi$ and was s!rprised to find that he was lookin# at $e" 6is hand, hea'y with sadness, fell on $y sho!lder" I($ sorry, he had told $e" I let the stew boil for a few $ore $in!tes before t!rnin# off the fire" %he sini#an# wo!ld be ser'ed later d!rin# dinner" I pict!red $yself seated in $y !s!al place beside $y father who is at the head of the table" 6e wo!ld tell Mo$ abo!t his day and then he wo!ld ask each of !s abo!t o!r own" I wo!ld answer, not in the ani$ated way I wo!ld ha'e done when I was still yo!n# and his pet, b!t politely and witho!t any rancor" %hen, he wo!ld co$pli$ent $e on the way I had cooked his fa'orite dish and I wo!ld #i'e hi$ a s$ile that wo!ld ne'er !ite show, not e'en in $y eyes" = >?@@A by Marby Villaceran
%his story is a /<SS ori#inal"