Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Eventually we even come to say that ' we are powerless over other people,
places, and things '. At this point, for many of us, alcohol is no longer the 'only'
issue. We find that our reactions to the non-alcoholic problems of our daily life
are still inappropriate and harmful to others, loved ones and ourselves.
Working the first step opens me to the possibility that many of the problems
confronting me in my life reside, not in alcohol or the alcoholic, but in the
habitual thinking and feeling processes going on inside me. Many of these
processes were developed in childhood as a response to the way I was raised;
and, they were reinforced within an alcoholic partnership. The process of
recovery often reveals to me, "sometimes slowly or haltingly, occasionally in
great bursts of brilliance," that what I was thinking and/or feeling about today's
given problem is not connected to this problem in any real way. This is not a
denial of my thoughts or feelings. It is an admission that what I think and/or feel
can be mistaken. That which I am thinking and/or feeling may have nothing to
do with what is really going on in the world today, and it may have everything to
do with long held expectations of myself or of the world.
I believe the "adult-child" has an important role in Al-anon, and its role needs to
be embraced. This is not to say that all Al-anon members have adult-child
issues as part of their recovery; not all Al-anon members share anything in
common with Al-ateen or AA as part of their recovery other than the 12 Steps.
Just as the existing groups of AA and Al-anon arose as a response to the
experience of people during a certain time in history, it may be that the "adult-
child" experience of more recent history, is now common enough in the present
generation that it can be ignored only to the detriment of many members of Al-
anon and other 12 Step communities.
I put forth the theory that, for those of us in Al-anon that experience
adult-child relationships, this adult-child experience is itself a result of
our misunderstanding of our real world relationships. As we grow in our
understanding of our real place in the world, as we become more real
ourselves, as we become actors instead of reactors, we are in a sense re-
parenting ourselves. The child does not know that there is a real danger
to blindly running out into the street. The parent does know the danger
and the parent communicates that knowledge. As our sight clears the
clouds of confusion and as we come to recognize truth and as our
feelings become trust worthy that inner-child will grow up with a growing
acceptance of human fallibility in all its activities.