Copyright © 2014 by Universal Television Networks. Licensed by Syfy Ventures.

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Three Rivers Press, an imprint of the Crown
Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House
Company, New York.
www.crownpublishing.com

Three Rivers Press and the Tugboat design are registered trademarks of Random
House LLC.

Sharknado is a trademark and copyright of The Global Asylum Inc. Syfy is a

trademark of Universal Studios. Licensed by Syfy Ventures 2014. All rights
reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-­in-­Publication Data is available upon request.

ISBN 978-­0-­553-­41813-­2
eBook ISBN 978-­0-­553-­41814-­9

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Illustrations by Michael Lee

Book design by Chad Tomlinson
Cover design by Richard Yoo
Back cover illustrations by Michael Lee

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First Edition

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 BOARICANE

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 BOARICANE
VITALS
ALSO KNOWN AS: Razorback Typhoon
FIRST OBSERVED: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil (2011) •
EST. MAX. SPEED: 40 mph (Cyboars), 200 mph (Swirling Winds) •
HIGH-­R ISK GROUPS: People Who Are Easily Boared, People Who
Just Groaned at That Pun • LOOK OUT FOR IT IN: Coastal Regions
• THREAT TO HUMANITY: • RISK OF ENCOUNTER:
• FIN’S WTF FACTOR:

H
URRICANES ARE CALLED “TRIPLE THREATS” BE-
cause of their strong winds, high waves, and tor-
rential rainfall. Throw in hundreds of robotically
enhanced wild boars, and a hurricane bumps up to
a full-­alarm boaricane. Double the size of regular
feral hogs, “cyboars” have hydraulic-­powered metal skeletons un-
derneath their flesh and blood. Male cyboars sport stainless-­steel
tusks sharp as machetes. To power their robotics, they need to eat
constantly, and often hunt in packs. The cyboars’ heavy, squat bodies

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 42 Pa rt O n e : U n n at u r a l Di sast e r s

allow them to maneuver with ease during hurricanes. When strong

winds knock you off balance, cyboars descend in a feeding frenzy.

STUDY n n n CYBOARS WERE ORIGINALLY designed by an Ameri-

can weapons contractor. However, they fell into unsafe hands when
a Brazilian drug cartel purchased an assortment of cyboars, which
they planned to use to intimidate enemies, on the black market.
Shortly thereafter, a rare southern Atlantic hurricane hit the
coast, destroying the cartel’s stockade. As the storm raged on, the in-
satiable cyboars turned on their captors and invaded Rio de Janeiro.
At first, world-­class churrascaria chef Nicolas Sandoval watched
helplessly as the boaricane devastated the city. “My wife said they
were finally turning the tables on us. She’s a vegetarian. She always
hated that I owned a restaurant that served nothing but meat.”
Her comment got him thinking. “Those damned dirty pigs were
eating the people of my city,” he says. “If I didn’t step up, who would?
No one in Rio de Janeiro had as much experience grilling hogs as me.
No one.”
Once the wind died down, Sandoval and his waiters strapped on
flamethrowers. Weapons in hand, the crew braved the weather to
hunt and kill the cyboars.
“I prefer my meat rare,” Sandoval says. “But that day, I set my
flamethrower to well-­done.”

AVOID n n n WHENEVER THERE’S A hurricane brewing, there’s al-

ways the potential for it to be upgraded to a boaricane. Stay vigilant.
Watch twenty-­four-­hour news channels twenty-­four hours a day.
Never miss a minute of coverage. You’ll be among the first to know
about potential boaricanes. Twenty-­four-­hour news channels feed
on disasters like a firenado feeds on dry timber.

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 F i g h t i n g M ot h e r Nat u r e 43

CUDDLY KILLING MACHINES

We won’t lie: as long as you can ignore the glowing red eyes and
metal tusks, cyboar piglets are cute. Don’t be fooled. These little pig-
gies are just as aggressive as their elders. Remember, they’re part
robot. As we all know, robots are cold-­blooded killers. It doesn’t
matter how much they remind you of Honey Boo-­Boo’s teacup pig—­
treat cyboar piglets with the same fear and respect you would show
full-­grown cyboars. And by that we mean kill the freaks.

SURVIVE n n n DURING A BOARICANE, hunker down in your

home unless authorities tell you to evacuate. Stay inside. Draw the
shades. Wait out the storm. And if a cyboar breaks through your
front door, put it down with an electromagnetic pulse weapon (see
ROBOCROC). Of course, that’s not always possible. What if you’re
hiking in the jungle and a boaricane hits?
• Take a tip from T-­Pain—­get low. If you can’t reach shelter,
you’ll need to protect yourself from flying debris. Get low to the
ground. Curl into a ball. If a flash flood washes you away, you’ll roll
to safety like a human tumbleweed.
• Climb a tree. Wait until the storm has died down to try this
gambit. You don’t want to scale a tree only to be knocked out by
a gale-­force wind. Cyboars can’t climb trees. You can (or at least
you could in middle school).
• Disrespect your elders. The leader of a cyboar pack is typi-

cally a matriarchal sow—­a grandmother. If you’re surrounded, try
to pick her out. She’ll be the one hanging toward the back of the
group, grunting orders. Stun or wound her with a weapon, and she
may order the pack to retreat. Then again, her grandkids may try
to teach you a lesson.

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