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EXTRA

You Are More!

Joyce Shafer
You Are More! Joyce Shafer
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CONTENTS

Your Greatness is Unique

Is Mainstream the Wrong Stream for You?
The Challenge of Proof of vs. Faith in Infinite Abundance
How do You Grade Your Worth and Self-Worth?
Be True to You at Your Crossroads Point
Do You Practice Self-Help Or Shelf-Help?
How Do You Listen to Yourself?
Enough About Money Lack Already!
Does Gender Influence Prosperity?
Boldness is Its Own Reward
5 Foundation Points of Self Mastery
When You Are Ready For Your True Wealth
Not Your Ordinary Sand Castle
Are You Thinking or Processing?
Do These Time Wasters Affect Your Life?
Set Them Free
How to Be the Experience You Wish to Have
Man’s Economy vs. Spirit’s Economy

Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach and Author in New York City.
Visit her website
Follow her at http://youaremoreempowermentcoach.blogspot.com/
and http://www.facebook.com/joyceshafer
Your Greatness is Unique and aim for your personal best. Your personal best will be different from
day to day. But you can ask yourself, "What would my best look like right
now?" and "Do I feel I did the best I could at the time?"
Your greatness is unique and reveals itself at the right time. You might as
Greatness appears early for some and later in life for others. There are
well be excellent until you're great. But first, understand what this means.
individuals who amass experiences or overcome challenges until the day
What your greatness is will be unique, so it's a waste of time and energy arrives when they are clear about what their greatness is: that which they
to compare yourself to others. What your greatness is may appear small; have head-and-heart alignment about and a passionate commitment for.
but to those it matters to (especially you), it's anything but small or
If you feel you're not living your greatness at this time, ask: Am I building
insignificant. Are the entertaining books of an author such as Janet
my skills so that I'll be ready when it's time? Do I know what I really want
Evanovich less great than the work of a heart surgeon? No; just different.
to do but hesitate because of what others might think? Am I waiting until
I can tell you that the many episodes of toes-up laughter I experienced
it's too painful not to do it?
when I read her novel, "Plum Lovin'," did my heart, mind, and mood
tremendous benefit. I'm grateful she discovered and lives her greatness Until you know what your greatness is, or choose it, explore what
in a way that lets me benefit from it. excellence means for you. You won't be bored.
Do you have a green thumb that produces fruits, vegetables, or flowers
that nurture others in a meaningful way for them? Do you have a gift for
encouraging young children's minds and self-esteem? Are you a
frustrated Thomas Edison type? A great quote of his is, "I had to succeed
because I finally ran out of things that wouldn't work." That's passionate
commitment! One thing is certain: Whatever greatness is, it always leads
by example. There are numerous levels of examples, including the
simple art of how to enjoy life (which so many struggle with) even if you
never perform a heart transplant or write a best-seller.
Maybe you haven't identified what you're great at yet. It's the thing you
love most to do or feel most alive or fulfilled when you do it, no matter
what form it takes in the world. And as with anything, you start at the
beginning and expand, enhance, develop, and grow into your greatness.
You don't start at the end result.
Greatness, though, is not only about what you do, it's about who you are
at your core of being. Do you seek to learn about and understand
yourself and others? Do you deliberately nurture self-love and, therefore,
love of others? Are you kind, compassionate, empathetic, friendly, of
service in ways appropriate for you? Are you self-assessing and self-
adjusting?
Until you get clear or in alignment with your inner and outer greatness,
be excellent; and please, avoid perfectionism (I have never met an easy-
going perfectionist). Release the definition of excellence used by others
Is Mainstream the Wrong Stream for You?
For many, mainstream is like a tailored suit; for some, it's like a
straightjacket. Are you swimming in the wrong stream or against the
current?
Mainstream, in this writing, means demonstrating via your life, work,
relationships, etc., an "acceptable" model or role model, as much as
possible-a model that is allowed some leeway as long as it's a composite
of descriptions provided by the various prevalent social, religious, and
educational systems and models, as well as family and cultural
descriptions or models.
Stated simply, what you do and how you do it appeases the tribe and
sub-tribes-which allows you to feel safe-considered worthy of inclusion
by the tribe. It means you're more likely to receive rewards of approval
and compensation.
Be clear, please: there's nothing "wrong" with mainstream. It has its
purpose. Mainstream provides a level of order so society's
"mechanisms" work more often than not. It's a perfect fit for many. And,
mainstream and non-mainstream each have their positive/negative
aspects.
Mainstream swimming is only problematic if you've always known it
wasn't the right stream for you. You might try to swim in it, but it's like an
obstacle course rather than a fulfilling journey or adventure. Swimming
with a "fin" in each stream may be a better fit for you.
Why is this important?
If you're a more non-mainstream type, you may still be trying to fit in, so
you do what the tribe and sub-tribes say you should in order to receive
the rewards of approval, compensation, and the feeling you are safe.
Feeling safe underlies your motivations. And, even if you have some
periods of serenity or happiness and rewards, they're temporary and/or
not as fulfilling as you desire.
If you are contemplating the leap into a stream that fits-or if you've made
the leap-unless you've dealt with your fears and contrasts about being
comfortably mainstream vs. fits better in a different stream, you'll
experience contrasts in your life, some of them huge. And, you may not
understand why they show up-repeatedly. You may even think it's
because you're not worthy, not really unique, actually mainstream and
just fooling yourself (or lazy, as some mainstreamers may have told you).
This has huge implications if you're a person who knows you have to be
an entrepreneur so you can follow your passion(s) as this relates to the
services or products (solutions) you feel compelled to share with others
(but apply this to any area of your life). How might this impact you?
You may withhold rewards from yourself-because you're running a
program that says being different deserves a penalty.
Consider this: if you're non-mainstream and have experienced less-than-
ideal rewards or fulfillment while "playing" in mainstream land . . .
1) It needed to be this way so you could discover you're better suited to
a different stream, one that allows you to be yourself-or you need to
create a way to merge the two.
2) You may have been penalized because you didn't fit the mainstream
model. This could include comments from anyone that states disapproval
of you because you aren't making a "real effort" to fit the model someone
wants you to fit. (Some of those people who disapproved are actually
non-mainstreamers too afraid to leave that stream-sort of a "misery loves
company" affect.)
What's interesting about the second one above is that if you received
disapproval for being non-mainstream (maybe even told you were a
source of humiliation), it more than likely started when you were a child.
AND, if your life isn't fulfilling now, it's more than likely you've continued
to punish yourself, deny yourself rewards, disapprove of or criticize
yourself-even into adulthood.
Ahh . . . the great quandary: you are a unique individual and you found
yourself in a playground where being too unique and not homogenous
enough was not appreciated by the majority of your play mates. By the
way, you can find or create your ideal playground.
All this is interesting, but what are you supposed to do-that's the
question, yes?
I offer three approaches to those of you who have decided you're ready
to be Uniquely You, as we're not all playing the same game.
Life: I'm okay, you're okay; and I can choose to let go of what others
think and be my authentic self, from a place of personal integrity. And,
I'm so focused on creating the life I choose, I don't direct my energy
towards criticizing others.
Law of Attraction: I match my vibrations to my ideal expression of self in
every area of my life, and attract ideal people, events, and resources into
my life.
Quantum: I'm an infinite being (creative consciousness) having a human
experience, which means I decided to see what it's like to feel the
opposite-limited-until I decide to wake from this lucid dream and play
differently. To do this, I created a playground with play mates who read
the lines I gave/give them. I create (d) everything in this lucid dream I
chose/choose to make sure I have this experience. I understand the true
power is not in the scenery, not in the actors, not in the words, not in any
material thing-not in the dream-but comes from me. I install the patterns
into the quantum field, and I can appreciate what a brilliant job I did/do of
making it feel real. As it feels appropriate, I reclaim energy from patterns
I created, as they get my attention, and play differently.
The crux of this is, it's more than likely your life experience isn't what you
desire if you're punishing yourself (withholding rewards: approval,
appreciation, monetary, success, etc.) for being You.
Next time you aim at a target or goal and start to create the strategies
and action steps to achieve or attain an outcome, check in with yourself
to see if you're ready to receive the desired outcome or if a belief that
you don't deserve it is rumbling around at a deep level. Use the
approach, out of the three offered above, that resonates most for you to
move this forward.
The Challenge of Proof of vs. Faith in Infinite Abundance
If you're not experiencing infinite abundance, there's a good reason it's
not your "reality" yet. The reason relates to a riddle.
The challenge is like the riddle: which came first, the chicken or the egg?
In this case it's which comes first, measurable proof that you're infinitely
abundant or faith that it's your natural state? The answer for both riddles
is the same: the thought or idea of it comes first.
We entangle ourselves with a "chicken and egg" cycle about infinite
abundance. This is because we are so practiced at believing what we
"see" that our ability to have True faith in our infinite abundance is
affected by an underlying feeling, thought, belief of, "I'm not entirely sure
my infinite abundance is real. As soon as I see proof of it, then I'll believe
it. Then, I'll be able to feel it."
One of the biggest obstacles involved is our strong emotional attachment
to believing we must have an "acceptable" level of accumulation,
verifiable numbers, and certain things or assets to prove to others that
our success, value, and worth is measurable or measures up. This
approach is reliant upon the opinions of others, not in faith that your
infinite abundance is real, which is always an inner experience first.
We feed the need for proof with our thoughts. Often these thoughts
involve repetition of mental scenes we replay in our minds of how our life
looks and feels in its limited form. Less imagery goes to seeing (and
feeling) it as worthy of true appreciation and filled with potential and
opportunities. Which of these do you "feed" most often? How you
experience (feel about) your "reality" (aside from what it looks like)
supports whatever you believe.
Money and things never cause you to feel what it is you really want to
feel-one with your infinite abundance and creative consciousness.
However, the more you connect to feeling one with these, the more life
takes on what you might call a magical feel to it; and money, people,
opportunities, and things show up as ways to enhance your enjoyment of
your human experience. As Shakespeare wrote, "The play's the thing."
Physicist James A. Wheeler said, "There's no out there ‘out there'." The
majority of us haven't integrated this fact into our experience as yet; but
what this means is it's an illusion that money and things come to us from
"reality"-what we call the physical plane, which is actually a virtual reality
that responds to what we imagine into it. Ernest Holmes wrote, "Nothing
moves but mind."
Whether you've followed a gut feeling, intuition, Law of Attraction
technique, or any other tool or technique, the "smallest" example of
having a desired outcome appear in your life demonstrates your infinite
abundance and infinite creative consciousness (which are one in the
same). Because of our attachment described four paragraphs above,
unless an outcome is "significant" in the opinion of others then in our
own, we continue to doubt it's True-despite the evidence. In the Infinite
realm, size is irrelevant. Only in our limited perspective in the human
game, does size have meaning. Every creation is a profoundly brilliant
one because, "There's no out there ‘out there'."
Every technique you use is a way to help you aim at the target: faith in
and of the Truth. But it's never the technique that has the power; it's you-
as an infinite being having a human experience. "Nothing moves but
mind."
No technique will actually shift you from the limiting beliefs that require
proof in your physical experience so that you can have faith; though a
technique can lead you to right questions that will assist this. An inner
shift has to happen within you. What will help you get there is to let this
information incubate inside you, and allow right questions to come to you
as you contemplate what this really means to you-until you feel the shift
begin to happen.
You might intellectualize your way into and through this process, if you
choose to take it on, but eventually it will be the feeling of the Truth of it
that begins to make a difference in how you experience every moment.
You might apply this to money first, as it has such a strong emotional
charge, but also relate this information to everything in your human
experience.
These are deeper questions than you might at first imagine, but
What would have to happen in you for you to feel and know your infinite
abundance is real prior to "external" proof?
How would your thoughts and feelings change or need to?
What is infinite abundance? Is it money and stuff, or is it a way of being?
How do You Grade Your Worth and Self-Worth? where their worth and self-worth is a given, no matter what.
You're taught that the number in your bank account or on your assets
sheet is real and measures a particular "something" about your worth
Have you ever thought about how the way we're taught to measure
and self-worth. But, it doesn't. It only measures how well you play that
worth and self-worth is similar to how we got tests graded in school?
particular game; how well you conform. You're taught you have to work
There is an interesting parallel.
certain ways, usually for an hourly or salaried wage; work an
The school grades you received for tests measured, in a limited fashion: "acceptable" number of hours; and so on. Yet, we know people who do
how well you took tests (often designed to be tricky), memorized, this differently and have fun and prosper. How do they get away with
understood (or liked, from your side of things) what you were tested on, this?
and-though more from your perspective than the system's-whether or not
They play a different game-because they don't allow others to measure
you believed you'd have a use for the information now or in the future
their true value.
(felt it was applicable to your life experience or goal).
Let's presume you're a spiritual- or metaphysical-minded person. Maybe
Whatever was being evaluated, your ability to conform was included,
you're a Law of Attraction advocate (not necessary). If the number in
even though this measurement was subtle. There was little allowance or
your bank account is lower than you'd like, does that number reflect the
reward for thinking or performing "outside the box." Play by the rules to
Truth of You or does it reflect your belief in how your worth and self-worth
be rewarded; failure to follow or conform received a penalty. ("Outside
is measured or should be-because others who adhere to "the game" told
the box" is where inventions, innovations, and masterpieces live.)
you it was so?
What school grades didn't measure was the truth of your unique
If you believe the latter half of the last sentence above, how does this
intelligence and how you express it, emotional intelligence, common
influence or impact your ability to believe in yourself? What does belief in
sense, creativity, humor, self-learning or self-adjusting abilities-and they
self have to do with success (the way you define it for you) or your ability
never, ever measured your worth (as a contributing member to life) or
to have a fulfilling life?
self-worth (priceless, as you're one of a kind).
Look at biographies of some who've made a name for themselves in
When you consider what wasn't measured, you can see the system was
history. You'll see there are those whose school test scores measured
set up in a way that required you to adhere to limited and restricted
them as average or below average. It's a good thing they didn't allow this
criteria (rules of the game) in order to meet specific (limited and
to stop them.
restricted) outcomes. It was never about who you really are, what you
can do or flourish at or contribute, or your potential to expand at the inner There's a chance that, if you're not doing as well as you'd like, you
and outer levels, as a unique individual. probably adhere to "outside" measurement standards that don't serve
you. Whatever your life (or bank account) looks like now is a reflection of
Also, remember how obvious the restriction of high school seemed once
your trying to play by rules that don't fit you, especially if you know
you graduated, especially if you went to college and could schedule the
there's more to "reality" than what you see. Two opposing thoughts/
classes you really wanted and at the times you preferred? You could
beliefs existing at the same moment, in the same space, cancel each
chew gum, get rewarded for creativity (usually), and do lots of other
other out.
things you couldn't or didn't do in that more circumscribed environment.
Maybe it's time you create your own game with its own rules-a game you
There's a similar system in place when it comes to worth and self-worth,
win. One of the biggest wins you can have is to know your worth and
especially in regard to money. Adhering to the system is what mucks with
self-worth, no matter the opinions of or rules set by others.
most people and holds them back from playing a better game, the one
Be True to You at Your Crossroads Point You cannot live your life trying to mold yourself to opinions or
expectations of others. They may be happy if you do, but you'll be
miserable. A dialogue line in a movie called "The Movie Hero" is, "...you
You may turn to family or friends for their thoughts and ideas. This is one can either die trying or die wishing you had." Of course, you can succeed
tactic if you're looking to brainstorm for ideas, methods, and techniques while you live. It's also a success to go for your dream, whatever the
to consider. Some who are well-meaning may say, "Let me tell you what outcome. Better to say, "I gave it all I had (and enjoyed every second),"
you ought to do," or they use the dreaded word "should." When this than, "I never gave myself the chance."
happens, nod politely, but stay true to yourself.
It's best to ignore anyone who believes you can't get there from here.
Crossroads are opportunities to aim at the target(s) that help you create There's always a way whether it's a metaphorical jet, boat, car, or your
your desired reality, even if it's just to do something different and you feet. If you have a dream, don't just wish it, intend it. Commit, be flexible,
aren't quite sure what yet. That happens. Such times may cause anxiety; and stay true to yourself.
but that's usually because somewhere at the back of your mind or deep
in your heart, you wonder, "Can I or should I really go for it?"
If you have a dream and you share it with others, you risk hearing
opinions that fall anywhere on the gradient between highly useful and not
at all useful, depending on who you speak with. Nor can you let anything
anyone says from their own perspective (and fears) cause you to
question your worth or the worth of your dream or goal. Not everyone will
feel excited about or share your enthusiasm, because it's your dream,
after all, not theirs. Sometimes you have to amp up the power of your
dream by staying silent about it until the right moment. And, you want to
put your energy into taking action, not talking about taking action.
One fear you may have is of (pardon the repetitions) coloring outside the
lines or thinking and acting outside the box. But what if your unique way
of doing something, or the way you'd like to but hesitate about, is exactly
what some are waiting for?
Here are some questions to ask when you're at a crossroads (answer
them in order, and don't limit your answers with logic-be honest with
yourself):
• Who would you really like to interact with? This could be clients,
customers, readers, team players, group members, etc; but who would
your favorite "playmates" be?
• Why them?
• What about them or their lives will be different as a result of engaging
with you?
• What are the ways you might do this with or for them? Which of these
ways really jazz you? Which one could you begin to develop and move
forward on now?
Do You Practice Self-Help Or Shelf-Help? part of the process. Many old beliefs and assumptions beg to be
challenged. They "ripen" over time so you'll pluck them from the tree of
your life and turn them into something sweeter.
We all have things in our lives we move forward on with no problem,
The biggest challenge seems to be patience. We want a quick fix.
others we drag our feet about, and those we hesitate to or never take the
Sometimes that's feasible, sometimes it isn't. Anything worth having is
first step towards. It's beneficial not to judge our process, but assess it
worth what it takes to achieve or attain it, particularly when it comes to
and our outcomes often; it is imperative we participate in it willingly.
creating the life experiences you wish. Defining your authentic self, if it's
I spoke with a man who doesn't like his job (six-figure income) or his life. been hidden under layers for a lifetime, takes time, diligence, and a
For him, surface stuff has changed over the last several years, but not "chisel" called passionate commitment.
much else. In fact, he said he felt his best option was to keep doing what
You can flow with a book or program then find parts of it don't do it for
he does every day and wait for death. He's two years younger than I am.
you or don't fit. You're able to discern what's right for you. You know
Imagine shelving all other options, at any age, especially those that bring
when a book or service resonates with you. If you completely agree with
joy and fulfillment, and choosing the one he says he has.
the material, but it challenges you to your core, it's likely a process you
He mentioned he frequents a large bookstore near his apartment. I didn't should go the distance with, no matter how long or what it takes.
ask him what types of books he buys, but I know what kind he doesn't:
What can help you decide on a book, service, or path is your why: why
books about career guidance, guides to discover what he really enjoys
you want what you say you do. If you find information you know will
and is good at, or any involving self-empowerment or metaphysics.
assist you but you feel challenged, allow your why to fuel your motivation
Every day, he expects the "same old, same old" (which he "receives"), to keep going.
and to feel better based on outer events only. It isn't that he buys books
Take your potential off the shelf and open it into your life.
that can help him, but puts them on the shelf; he's put himself and his
possibilities on the shelf.
It isn't always comfortable to accept that if you don't like something about
your outer life, you must look at your inner life-the stories you repeat to
yourself and so on. Neville Goddard said, "Assumptions harden into
facts." Often, you have to take a chisel to such "facts;" and getting to
what's underneath can take time. The time matter gets in the way for
many.
Then, there's the really tricky part: intellectualizing something means you
know it; actualizing something involves being it. That's not always an
easy path to travel, because at some point you not only have a "foot in
both worlds," but also your consciousness. You have to engage with the
tribe, though you don't share the tribal mentality. And, you have to find a
way to reconcile this into your experience.
When you really want to improve something, you have to keep going.
You have to go at it until you reach the point where you're ready to
expand even more. If you feel challenged, it's important to accept this as
How Do You Listen to Yourself?
I had dinner with a friend I hadn't seen in a long while. As he told me
about things that were different, it was easy to hear that he and his
beliefs were pretty much the same, which means his experiences haven't
changed much. He still looks for solutions to his discontent about his life
to come from outside himself.
My mantra is, "To find the right answer, seek the right question." As we
spoke, I mentioned this to him.
"I ask questions," he responded.
"Yes, but you don't stop talking to yourself long enough to 'hear' an
answer," I replied.
He does what many of us do to different degrees: he mulls over what he
doesn't like about his life repeatedly. Little attention goes to possible
solutions. And, little attention goes towards shifting beliefs at the inner
level to attract or affect a shift at the outer level.
Patience is a factor. How often have you felt unhappy, discontent, or
something even stronger about a situation or aspect of your life? When
did you want it to shift? Yesterday, right? If you do ask for an answer, or
even for the right question, you want it now. However, the quicker you
get out of the way, the quicker you get an answer.
What you need comes to you more easily if you ask, expect, and let go
of those tricksters Who, What, How, When, and Where. It isn't that you
have to still your mind, you can think about other things; but you can't
dwell on what you want to shift. Why?
Opposing thoughts cannot occupy the same space.
Here's a real secret: As long as you judge something or believe it needs
to be fixed or changed, you, in effect, glue it down as your experience.
This isn't just an aspect of Law of Attraction it's physical. Every time you
replay thoughts and patterns in your mind, you create pathways or ruts, if
you will, in your brain. This pathway becomes the path of least resistance
whenever you're triggered. You can become so entrenched in behavior
patterns, you don't even consider that there's another way to think, feel,
or act. Nor, that you can choose to do these differently. Create a pathway
that allows for shift to happen.
My friend went on to tell me about certain things he'd like to change, but
that guilt feelings stop him from moving forward. Then, he began to
justify why he shouldn't feel guilty about making these changes. I
suggested that he look for the right question(s) to ask about the guilt. If
he explores and discovers the root cause of this feeling, I'm certain
solutions based in head-and-heart alignment will come to him. As long as
guilt or fear of feeling guilt about taking care of his best interests is what
drives him, desired outcomes and how he can attain them will continue
to elude him.
If you've been seeking a solution or answer, take a day or three off from
chatting about it in your head or with others. Give it an appointment on
your calendar three days from now. If repetitious negative thoughts try to
intrude, tell them they aren't scheduled for further consideration until-
and, state the date.
Also, don't let the other trickster in: telling yourself you're confused. You
may not have a plan or strategy as yet, but most confused feelings are
really about resistance to doing what you know needs to be done. The
first step is to agree to allow a shift at the inner level. A good way to
discover what this will look like for you is to let go of resisting what is so
you can see possibilities. You don't have to like what is, but as the saying
goes, "Whatever you resist, persists."
When you seek an answer, ask for it; then, listen to the sound of silence
within. Your inner voice is polite (and patient). If you're doing all the
talking, it won't interrupt.
Enough About Money Lack Already!
It was with the best intentions one of my newsletter subscribers
forwarded an offer from one of the big names, in the event I wanted to
include it in the next issue. I looked at the offer and felt it again, that
niggling feeling I get when such emails pop into my inbox: something is
off about this.
It isn't that there's anything wrong with the teacher/mentor/guru who's
offering it; he's remarkable, just as others of his ilk are. But for months
now, an inner-level twitch happens for me when I see these
advertisements. There seems to be a flaw, like a coin where one side is
the approach being used and the other side being the motivation of the
potential users of the products and services offered.
The flaw is embedded in the statement so often repeated: You get more
of what you focus on. This is usually attached to Law of Attraction
information, but it also applies if you keep repeating/replaying the same
thoughts, feelings, and actions. Albert Einstein said, "Insanity is doing the
same thing over and over again and expecting different results." It's not
that we're insane, but you get the point.
If we in the self-help field are committed to assist others to self-empower,
why is it so many of our emails continue to address lack? Well, if you've
ever studied marketing or copywriting, you're told you "hook" people if
you go right to what pains them most. Kudos to Mike Litman who sent
out an email recently that asked individuals if they still had the 1988
mindset about how to do business. He suggested a book that's
supposed to encourage people to think and act as the author believes
will be necessary in 2010. I'm eager to read the book; and though Mike
didn't elaborate, I wonder if the new mindset discourages the old way
and encourages copywriters to address people's strengths or, at least,
the ones they wish to enhance, but not from the "pain" perspective. The
twitch I felt was from the fact the language used in the email ads reminds
individuals regularly that they feel they lack. Isn't this exactly what we're
telling people NOT to do, in order to move forward?
People in the self-help industry (this includes me) get excited about their
products and services, and there's good reason to offer them: we believe
they can make a difference. But be honest with yourself: How many
books, programs, etc., have you gone through about, say, money (inner-
and outer-level issues) in the last five or even ten years? Are you still
looking for that One, the one that will Finally make a difference? Have
you asked yourself why the shift you crave hasn't happened yet? As long
as you focus on fixing what you perceive or believe you lack, you are still
investing your time and energy (and, yes, money) into the lack of it. You
may appear to be or believe you're being pro-active; but you're turning in
circles because your shoe is still nailed to the floor. Maybe it's time to
take your foot out of the shoe.
It's not all on the people advertising, though. Individuals turning to this
information, as well as to information that promises a system that returns
major income practically overnight, are taking action out of fear rather
than out of purpose. What causes this?
They lack direction and strategy.
There seems to be two basic mindsets in seekers: Some seekers desire
one or more ways that bring in the big bucks through automated systems
that require little of them; others believe if they can just discover their life
purpose, everything will change. What both have in common is an
understandable desire to ease and eliminate pain, pain they believe
stems from a negative financial situation. The negative financial situation
is an inconvenient effect; the real pain is caused by something else.
If you're a seeker in the first category, ask yourself if what worked for the
vendor, what they offer, is something you feel passionate commitment
about; is it something that is meaningful to you. What you really want is a
similar outcome and feeling, but as a result of doing something
appropriate for you. You want to do something that addresses your Why:
why do I feel strongly about doing this? If your only answer is, "So I can
get rid of my pain about my money situation," that's not enough. You may
have discovered this particular motivation almost never works; or if it
does, it doesn't have longevity. If you are drawn to wealth-building
emails, do you have wealth to build or even to invest in this strategy and
to maintain it? Are you drawn to these types of offers because they're fun
for you? Does it make sense that this is the place for you to start?
However, there is a difference in using these types of systems if they,
and playing at increasing income from different revenue streams, is
genuinely fun for you. This latter one has no pain energy attached to it.
The motivation is pain-free.
If you're a seeker in the second category, do you believe there's One Life videos, and downloads that appeal to you. Give them only enough time
Purpose for you; and if you could just discover what it is, everything and energy to determine if they address a step in your strategy; and yes,
would change? This more often than not refers to the question, "What your strategy can certainly address your inner self, as well as your outer
should I be doing?" People not stuck in this place ask, "What would I life simultaneously. If what's offered is ahead of what you are currently
love to do next?" It reminds me of how if you desire your dream house or focused on improving, save it in a folder for when the time is right. You'll
car (or anything), it's not about having what you say you want, it's really realize which emails provide what you truly need to reach your
about having the feeling you want. Wouldn't it be ironic if your life destination and which don't. Opt-out of the ones that don't serve you so
purpose is to do what allows you to feel the way you desire, no matter you don't clutter your inbox or your focus.
how many times you change or adjust what you do? To discover the Are you beginning to perceive how having a direction provides a
feelings you wish to feel, and explore what makes this happen? strategy; and how having a strategy keeps you focused and aimed at
Here's a brief coaching exercise for you, if you fit into either group: Take your target? If your energy is going into something you love and is
several moments to envision what you would like your ideal future to be meaningful and even fun for you, something you share with others, you
like. You may imagine where you live, what your home looks like, and can leave behind confusion and illusion. You no longer seek to find The
such other details. That will make this exercise more interesting; but Way that gets you into the game, you're in the game.
even more important, what are you doing in your life? How do you feel
about yourself in this ideal life? Now here's the question: If you remove
any thoughts about what you believe limits you now, especially money,
what's different "then" from "now?" What stops you from living an aspect
of your imagined future starting now, even if you start at the inner level?
This exercise is an entry into asking yourself right questions that help
you pick a direction you feel a passionate commitment to follow at this
time. If you know where you want to go, you can start to figure out how
to get there. You can also better recognize a "detour" when you see one.
Ask yourself who you know yourself to be; what you love and enjoy
doing that you're good at; what you feel has meaning for you; what it
might look like (no limits; allow your imagination to play); who you'd like
to do this with; how, where, and how often you wish to be engaged in this
way. If you knew where you wanted to go, had a strategy, and applied
your energy to your strategy, where might you be in a month, six months,
or a year?
With a direction and a basic strategy in mind, you can begin to pick and
choose from emails in your inbox, which one(s) address a step in your
strategy. It's helpful if you recognize that there likely isn't One Perfect
Gizmo that creates a total shift and eliminates all challenges from your
life. A better goal is to learn how "reality" works so you can manage it
more than it manages you; and to realize this is a lifetime process.
Follow your curiosity and sign up to receive emails, newsletters, audios,
Does Gender Influence Prosperity?
Ellie Drake of BraveHeartWomen and Dr. Sugar Singleton hosted a
teleconference that was as riveting as informative in its explanation of
what they call the prosperity hormones of men and women. More
information will be offered here, but one of the most obvious means to
see and feel this difference is to compare marketing pieces you receive
from men and from women. It's likely the "standard" masculine approach
will either state or imply that what's offered will crush the competition and
explode income. Lacking a better example, but perhaps using softer
language, many women basically copy such an approach.
Because of our neurochemistry, men and women will literally experience
this type of marketing message in their bodies, but not in the same way.
Many women read or hear this masculine approach, believe it's the
"only" way to succeed (it works for men, after all), but don't like how it
makes them feel; and for good reason.
The program hosts said what adversely affects women's prosperity
attraction quotient is that prosperity scripts have been written by men,
which means they're not in harmony with the feminine. Therefore, such
scripts are distorted for women. This creates inconsistency in attraction
of prosperity, fatigue, hopelessness, lack of self-confidence, interrupted
belief in the self and capabilities, and more.
They listed four types of feminine prosperity seekers.
1. Women who follow the masculine model. Some women manage this
better than others. However, the stress of doing this affects the body of
any woman who follows this path, whether to a lesser or greater degree.
2. Some women are more "softly" feminine; they lack boldness. Drake
said it's what Carolyn Myss calls the "shadow," meaning these women
exist mostly in spirit rather than with a balance between spirit and matter.
An interesting aspect is they believe prosperity is one-sided, which
means they tend to balk when asked to pay (exchange) in order to
receive. (Perhaps this is because they feel so powerless in the absence
of a feminine prosperity model, which means they don't have the
prosperity they desire; it's like a leak in their container they don't know
how to fix, so they focus solely on refilling the container.)
3. Some are confused because they know the masculine model is not for
them, but they lack a feminine model. They start and stop. They can't
figure out how to tap into the right neurochemistry and neurophysiology,
and this creates stress in all areas of their lives.
4. These women have figured out how to operate their lives (and
businesses) in ways appropriate for them and in harmony with their
feminine energy. (Ellie Drake does this. So does Sharon Wilson, founder
of Coaching From Spirit, who teaches spiritualpreneurs of both genders
how to create their own ideal marketing and business models.)
So, what are these hormones?
Adrenaline is the masculine hormone. It's the fight-or-flight chemical; and
the hosts said men tend to choose "fight." This chemical helps men
conquer whatever they're after or working against or for. It's the survival-
of-the-fittest chemical. It drives and supports their efforts to compete.
Men bond through competition, women don't. The repetitive rush of
adrenaline in the body works for men, but not for women. In a woman's
body, the repeated release of this hormone causes stress, exhaustion,
illness, abdominal fat storage and hampers the body's overall ability to
lose the weight it gains, as well as loss of focus, confidence, and sex
drive. It wears her out, burns her out, on all levels. (Note: a serious
adrenaline imbalance can create the same symptoms in a man's body.)
This adrenaline model is the basis of the masculine prosperity script.
Women who follow this script, sooner or later, find their neurochemistry
pushed; and the result is the emergence of the "Bitch." The Bitch
surfaces because she's attempting to go against her nature (our bodies
physically, outwardly reflect what's going on at the inner level). Body
chemistry gets out of balance; and the stressed-out, exhausted,
frustrated woman becomes critical, judgmental, and often loudly vocal. A
man who behaves this way is considered by some to be one of the boys,
admired for knowing how to get what he wants; not so for a woman.
The feminine prosperity hormone is oxytocin. This chemical inspires a
woman's bonding mechanism with her partner (released during sex, and
especially orgasm), with her children (released during labor; causes
uterine contractions), and during times when other forms of bonding
occur. It allows women to relax. It's known as the cuddle hormone.
Women love how they feel when this chemical flows through their
bodies, men love the adrenaline rush. Oxytocin is released in a man's
body, but testosterone negates it to a great degree in men. Adrenaline is
an estrogen antagonist for women and blocks the release of oxytocin.
When adrenaline is released in a woman's body, she doesn't feel good;
when released in a man's body, he feels enlivened.
The hosts explained that a woman who attempts to express herself using
the masculine adrenaline-based model finds her maternal and bonding
abilities hampered. A woman wants to give birth to her purpose, to "nest"
it, and to bond through like-mindedness so that a cooperative community
is created. Oxytocin supports a woman's innate maternal courage to stay
consistent about what's needed to help her baby, or her vision, grow. A
woman whose oxytocin release is blocked struggles to create what she
desires. Her consistency slips away; she feels unable to see things
through.
There is no pill or injection that can address this. Just as learning creates
pathways in the brain, it isn't just the chemical release of oxytocin that
supports a woman wholly, but the physiological connections and
pathways created by the holistic process. This chemical relationship is so
sensitive that even the use of masculine affirmations, rather than
feminine, can hamper a woman.
Women who want to know more can do so if they become
BraveHeartWomen core members.
Whether you're a man or woman reading this, give this information
consideration. Look at the areas of your life and ask yourself how this
applies to you and your personal and professional relationships.
Whatever your gender, what one thing can you do differently, starting
today?
Boldness is Its Own Reward business, you might look for a guru who has a formula. It works for them,
doesn't it? What if you're not like them? How well will their formula fit
you? Is it flexible enough so you can make it fit? If you're uncomfortable
The dictionary offers several meanings for the word bold, not all of them enough to want to change or shift or create something new, don't you
nice. One of its definitions is fearless. There's a difference between want it to fit you well? Do you want it to be more work or more fun?
boldness and courage: courage means taking action even if you're
When you know what you really want and how to create it as a good fit,
fearful.
your version of boldness will be organic and natural for you. You won't be
I think it's a mistake to believe you have to be either bold or courageous doing anything that is an unnatural risk; every action you take will be a
one hundred percent of the time, in the sense most people think of them. piece of your tailor-made jigsaw puzzle.
Do you know anyone who's like that? Are you absolutely certain it's all
the time?
Frankly, I think I'm courageous more often than bold. I know people who
are typically bold and I'm not like them. These people tend to say
whatever they think more often than not; and they don't usually pause to
wonder if they should. They say yes more often than not; they take risks.
Some of these risks are ones I'd consider or would do and others aren't.
They're not overly concerned about what other people think about them,
or, at least, that's how it appears; but I know for a fact they care to some
degree. They just don't let what someone else might or does think stop
them if there's something they really want to do. They are often ready-
fire-aim types.
I possess some of their traits, but that kind of forceful personality is not
who I am. It's not my nature. Over time, I've taught myself to shift from
waiting until everything is "perfect" before moving forward, but I'm still a
ready-aim-fire type. Perfection is a belief and an illusion, and it's just not
fun. Neither is standing still or stagnating.
"I would rather be loathed for who I am, than loved for who I am not." -
Wayne Dyer
Who you are is who you are. You may decide to tweak, color outside the
lines, step outside the box, or whatever catchy line will help you do
something different; but if you seek to do something in a way that's not in
alignment with your nature, or you don't have head-and-heart alignment
about it, you won't have the experience you hope to. Life really isn't just
about the outcomes; it really is about how we experience the path we
travel to get where we want or think we want to go.
When you feel compelled to change something about your life or
5 Foundation Points of Self Mastery attention most at that moment then give it so you don't enter the negative
loop of flipping between real action and thought activity. You might also
want to ask how passionate you feel about what you're working on. Can
1. Mental Discipline: Thought management. Do you manage your you find a way to feel this or more of it? Can you create a fun challenge
thoughts or do they manage you? You don't need to make this hard work for yourself about it? Quick Shift Tip: Ask, "Does this thought, word,
you just need to pay attention to how your thoughts happen and what action, person, event, or moment move me toward or away from my
you do about them. When negative thoughts start to play or replay in target? Extra Tip: Keep a sheet of paper handy to jot down briefly,
your mind, what technique do you engage to manage and use them for inspired ideas that pop up, knowing you will give them attention at a
your benefit? It may help you to distinguish thought categories such as more appropriate time.
those that really do need your attention and reruns that need to be
5. Passionate Commitment: What's your why? Why this, why now, who
replaced with new tapes. Quick Shift Tip: Focus on what you want (outer
are you doing it for? Not including the times when you're doing things
target) and want to feel (inner target). Ask yourself what you might do to
that will benefit others because you have head-and-heart alignment
move these forward. Do it or them.
about doing so, ask if there's anything you're doing because someone
2. Emotions Management: Do you use or abuse these, or use them for expects it of you and you're really not on board. Also, if there's
self-abuse? Emotions are one of the greatest gifts we have. Most of us something you've always dreamed of doing, ask yourself the Why
feel untrained at how to use them wisely, though. You can decide what questions. This helps you clarify whether it's a This Would be Nice or I'm
this wise use would be for you; but, emotions are like neon signs flashing So Intentional about This, I'm going to do It No Matter What or How Long
the message, "Important stuff here! Ask right questions!" What emotions It Takes. See the difference? Quick Shift Tip: Make a list of things you do
are not meant to be used for is to manipulate others nor to beat up or and check in on how strong your Why is for doing them. This can be a
even torture yourself mentally with. Quick Shift Tip: Rather than berate great stress and time management tool.
yourself when you feel emotional, ask, "What's in this for me? What
Whatever you're trying to do or master, these five points need to be
wants to be adjusted?"
included underneath anything else. They're the cake and the rest is the
3. Vision Clarity: A clear target. A target can be unclear because you're icing.
not sure where you're supposed to aim (you haven't picked a target). It
can be unclear because of how you "see" (perceive) circumstances, as
though you're nearsighted and not using glasses or contacts when you
aim at the bulls-eye. There are numerous methods available to help you
with this one. Find one and use it. Quick Shift Tip: Write or type a) What
you don't want; b) What you don't want to feel; c) What you do want; d)
What you do want to feel. Know that when you land on a target that
makes you feel enlivened, even if you don't know all the steps to hit it,
you've got clarity. This is valid for what you want to experience and how
you want to feel.
4. Focused Attention: The shortest distance between two points is . . .
yup, always a straight line. Once you know what your target is you can
skip taking detours, unless you really want to take them. If you're working
on something and your focus keeps shifting, ask what needs your
When You Are Ready For Your True Wealth time and ways. You learn to be gentle with yourself and others. You learn
how you play and how to play.
To fully inherit your true wealth, you have to stop believing in the illusion;
You may have moved through your life thinking you knew exactly who
you have to develop your personalized techniques to step-by-step train
you were based on your points of origin: geographic location, economic
yourself to manage your powerful creative energy; and you have to
status of your family or guardians, cultural and/or religious beliefs, and
completely own your creative power.
so on. You may have believed you knew how the real world works based
on what you were told by everyone who had any influence in your life. True wealth comes with the responsibility of self-management,
understanding how things work so you expand and enhance rather than
And, you may have believed them and acted in ways to prove them right.
stagnate or decline. You have to pay attention to energy and dynamics.
But if you were ready for your inheritance, something inside you kept You have to act with deliberation and deliberately. You have to
nagging, kept asking, "Is this all there is?"... because you felt at your appreciate this gift, this Truth, from a new level of awareness.
core there was more.
Any shifts in your external experiences must start in your inner
The film The Secret arrived on the scene preceded and followed by experience by facing the truth and all its implications: "There is no
numerous writings, films, and teaching programs based on Universal spoon."
Laws. After all the excitement that lasted a while, came the headlines
Are you ready for that?
proclaiming the flaws in The Secret and the hidden Laws; and you were,
and are, spoiled with opportunities to discover the missing bits, keys, or ["There is no spoon," is one of the best lines in the Matrix movies. If you
pieces that can help you. haven't seen the first film in the trilogy, you may wish to rent it.]
If you were new to this information (and even not so new), you may have
quickly felt frustrated because you believed if you did this and that,
everything would change. Let's be clear: you believed your external life
would change, and you wanted it to so you could feel the way you want
to feel.
What happens in your external life is not your true inheritance or wealth.
Who you truly are as a creative power is.
The biggest reason anyone bumps into frustration and challenges with
this information is because to really get it and get it going, they are
required to recognize the truth, which means most, if not all, of what they
believe about reality has to be recognized for what it is. The truth of their
involvement has to be accepted and managed with conscious
awareness.
There is a learning curve involved, to gain wisdom. This wisdom leads to
humility (and true joy) when you understand the bigger picture, the role
you and others play in helping you create experiences, and the overall
effect of positive and negative judgment on experiences. You learn to be
generous at allowing others to discover their True Wealth in their own
Not Your Ordinary Sand Castle different life might be if we assumed our connection first. Investment in
each other and our world would be automatic.
As I gave this moment on the beach even more consideration, I thought
Morning stretched itself awake as I made my way down to the shore and
that if we don’t feel or perceive our connection to something or someone,
joined the handful of early risers. Lacy edges of waves lapped gently
it’s easy to either not care about it or them, or to destroy without thought
over my feet and I scrunched my toes in warm sand. Good time to build
or awareness. I accept what quantum physics reveals to us: all in
a sand castle. It was modest—done mostly for relaxation and meditation.
existence is comprised of the same energy that is everywhere in the
Not a thing anyone would pause to admire. After I finished the basic
universe. The only separation is, ultimately, in our minds. Quantum
shape, I began to decorate the form with shells. A boy about eight years
physics reveals that after we peel away all layers of manifestation,
of age walked up and began to kick at the castle. What was in his mind
absolutely nothing is there. Nothing but the consciousness in all things—
for him to do such a thing?
our shared consciousness, I would add—and the potential for
What happened next happened quickly. I held out my hand filled with manifestation. Whether we call that consciousness the Creator or we call
shells and said, “Here. Help me put these on.” He stopped kicking, it Pudding doesn’t matter. It’s real. It’s who we are. We just haven’t fully
looked at me for several seconds, then took the shells and began to understood that yet.
place them on the castle. We decorated in comfortable silence.
I wonder if that moment is one the boy, who would be a young adult now,
“I’m out of shells,” he said after several minutes. remembers—if it had any influence in his life. That moment is still a
“Get more,” I replied. He did, giving some to me. golden thread in my life’s tapestry. It was a lovely, peaceful solution. It
was a moment of loving kindness towards a stranger who would become
After a while, another little boy came along and started to kick the castle. a momentary friend.
My little boy started to fight him. I said, “Give him some shells.” The new
boy worked with us for a couple of minutes then left. I realize that when someone gives me a challenge, if appropriate, I can
offer them some “shells.” If I, and others, practice peaceful solutions with
When the entire exterior was covered in shells and shell fragments, we smaller challenges, we may one day seek to find peaceful ways to deal
stepped back to look at our work. “We did a good job,” I said, “Thank with the really big ones. And, isn’t that what love would do?
you.” He looked at me, looked at the castle, said it was time for him to go
—and he left. I watched for a while as he walked away and wondered
how long our sand castle would remain in tact; then, I left for the day.
Early the next morning, I went down to the site. The shell-adorned castle,
remarkably, had been allowed to just be. It was evident that only nature
had touched it with its tide.
Thoughts about this moment in time with the little boy wove in and out of
my consciousness that day. He must have been surprised when I didn’t
yell at him to stop his kicking, or take even more aggressive action
towards him. It certainly surprised me when I felt inspired to suggest he
join me. Yes, I extended my hand to him, but he chose to invest his time
and energy into his ornamental efforts and then felt a need to protect the
creation when someone sought to destroy it. I realized that perhaps for
human consciousness, Investment equals Connection. I realized how
Are You Thinking or Processing?
Surely, the mental energy you’re giving current (or old) issues is
accomplishing something, right? It depends on if you’re thinking or
processing.
You, too, may appreciate this exchange between Bob Proctor and Leslie
Householder when they met, before she wrote her first book that became
a best-seller. He told her she was fairly balanced between right and left
brain but was more of a creative type. She disagreed and informed him
she was a math major, analytical, that she constantly thought about her
life and everything (always in thinking mode). She admitted she was a
processor. (Processing is when you hash out data and details, real and
imaginary, whether to others or to yourself—more than once . . . often
WAY more than once.)
Bob responded:
“You’re not thinking. You’re mind is busy; but you’re not thinking.”
Leslie said she, first, wondered if she’d just been insulted and went on to
process his comment for a year. She then explained the difference:
“When you THINK, you create a NEW idea.”
A new idea. Not a rehashed old one. New means you’ve never thought
of this particular “something” or thought of it in quite this way, or had this
idea or seen it in this new light. Leslie added that Bob knew her tendency
to process instead of think was what prevented her desired positive
changes from happening.
Shifting this can be a real challenge because your mind may be well
practiced to replay and replay and replay—either what happened, how it
might have gone (but didn’t), a worse-case scenario, moments from the
past, conversations you’ve had or wish you’d had or plan to have . . . and
in all that thought movement, you never once focus on a new way to
approach the issue or allow in an original idea.
You might also replay core beliefs and contrasts at the same time you
strive to affirm new ones. Your conscious mind may affirm: I attract/
match my vibration with abundance. Your subconscious hears you, says
okay, and starts this in progress. Then your conscious mind reminds your
subconscious core about deep-level programs running—evidenced by
what you’ve experienced (your experiences prove “something,” don’t
they?)—and says things like, “But, I don’t see it. I want it yesterday. How
long do I have to wait?! I never have original ideas. EVERYTHING IS A
STRUGGLE!” You begin to process, based on your five senses—and
past, which leads you to charge these thoughts with LOTS of emotion.
And your subconscious mind responds: “Okay; got it. You don’t see it,
even if it’s in the room with you; and if IT is right outside your door, you’ll
keep the door closed. If it wasn’t here yesterday, it’s never coming. You
want to know how long you have to wait. Let’s find out how long because
Waiting and Have It/Are It are two different programs/emotionally-
charged feelings; and the one you believe more gets fulfilled first. You’re
not open to receive original ideas, so we’ll replay old ones because that’s
what’s available; and if we need to, we’ll borrow from others—because
you Never have original ideas. Everything is a struggle for you. I’ll get to
work on making sure you’re proved right—because I’m programmed to
believe you are and act on it.”
A new thought or idea comes to a calm mind, a mind open because it’s
uncluttered, free of the wasteful energy of processing—and (gulp)
panicking. This includes transforming an old idea that pops into mind,
into a new idea, then charging it up with feeling it as your reality (it really
could be). If your old thoughts haven’t changed your reality experience
yet, why not try new ones.
Processing is wearing; it’s exhausting, among other things. It tells you
lies such as the ones listed above. I could say, “Hey, if you’re going to lie
to yourself, do it in your favor;” but you’d have to release processing and
embrace thinking. And, you’d have to do this deliberately every time you
head towards busy mind rather than mindfulness.
One reason we struggle with this is demonstrated by a quote from Oliver
Wendell Holmes: “The mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger
ideas, never returns to its original size.” Your inner self knows what’s
described here is true. It also knows what it takes to make it true for you
consistently. It’s natural to be inclined to revert to the “usual” ways. But,
once you’ve so much as entertained the idea of a new, better way, old
ways no longer feel like a good fit—they cease to feel like a “comfort”
zone. And, the idea that if you deliberately calm down and shift your
energy, you create change or a more positive experience just seems
ridiculous when you’re stressed, even if you know what kind of results to
expect if you follow the “usual” approach. Higher awareness applied to
anything creates different, improved results.
For the rest of today, pay attention to the conversations you have with
yourself (and others). If you find that you slip into processing, pause and
say to yourself, “Your mind is busy, but you’re not thinking.”
If you’ve ever looked for a successful way to quiet your mind, this will
help you do it.
Do These Time Wasters Affect Your Life?
Activities we usually name as time wasters are too much TV viewing,
daydreaming, or anything that isn’t a productive use of minutes and
hours. Here are a few more to consider.
Gossip. What’s the point, really? Conveying needed information to the
appropriate person or people is useful, but negative gossip is a misuse
of time and energy; and as Gandhi said, a form of violence. Each of us
does the best we believe we can to make our way through our lives and
challenges even if others don’t see it that way. Unless you must tell
someone something they really need to know, speak about others’
accomplishments, strengths, courage, kindnesses, and generosity—or
stay silent. This lifts your energy and the energy of those you speak with.
Manage your damage (and damnage).
Criticism. Constructive critiquing can be useful; criticism is usually just a
way to vent about something we haven’t addressed in our lives or
ourselves. It often reveals more about us than what or who we criticize. If
you feel the need to criticize, ask where or how you feel restricted then
change it so you feel better. One way to manage this habit is to consider
the possibility that people are mirrors. If triggered by another person’s
behavior or action, ask in what way this reflects something within you. It
may appear somewhat differently or in a lesser degree in your life, but
you can see it and address it. I find that when I observe behaviors in
others and feel compassion, it means I’ve dealt with similar issues and
appreciate what their experience might be like for them. [This works for
seeing the good in others, as well.]
This also reminds me of something Wayne Dyer shared with an
audience during one of his PBS specials. He recounted working with a
client who went on and on about his conflicted relationship with his
mother rather than address what he could do in his own regard. Wayne
finally told the client to go get his mother. The client asked why. Wayne
said, “Go get her and bring her here. I’ll talk to her, and you’ll get better.”
Repetitive dwelling on what others do or did. Unless your motivation
is to understand or appreciate something, you can use up a lot of time
(and energy) re-running an imaginary film or recording about what
someone did or said. If what happened doesn’t directly impact you in a
way that requires your current attention, wish them well and get on with
creating the life you wish to experience. If it does directly impact you in
the now, handle it then let it go. If a re-run attempts to play once you’ve
taken care of it, remind yourself, “I’m grateful my memory cells work, but
I’ve already managed that.”
Worry. You’ve probably heard that most of what we worry about never
happens; and the things that happen, we usually aren’t given time to
worry about. If you can shift something to make a situation better, do so.
If you’re not sure what to do, pause until you are. If you’re unable to shift
something at the outer level, shift it at the inner level by looking at it
differently and focusing on what you wish to expand. Another way to shift
this is to ask, “Am I dealing with this right now, where I am?” If you’re
watching a movie (or supposed to be) and worrying about something
else, watch the movie or get up and do something to shift what your
concern is.
Do something that makes you feel better. For some people, this includes
prayer or meditation. For others, it’s exercise, a relaxing bath, or even a
nap. Maybe soothing music or a funny movie will do the trick. A walk in
the park or around the neighborhood may be just the thing; or a visit with
a friend (but don’t have a pity party). The better you feel, the better the
events and people you attract into your life are.
We all have moments when we are out of alignment, and we feel bad.
You are not obligated to hang onto feeling this way, even when it seems
logical. Yes, you may need to vent or cry or express your feelings, which
are all healthy things to do; but you don’t have to stay in that place any
longer than necessary. Nor do you need to use up your moments in the
less productive and ultimately harmful expressions listed above.
What you focus your strongest feelings on, you experience more of. This
isn’t just a Law of Attraction premise: revisiting negative thoughts and
emotions with no intention to move forward isn’t much different than
repeatedly hitting your head with a hammer.
One last suggestion is to allow that if you currently do any or all of the
bolded items, it’s likely they’re learned (and well practiced) behaviors.
The ones that create negative feelings have “remedies” listed that are
ideals to strive for. Realistically, you’ll do them again; but perhaps when
you find yourself practicing any one of them that doesn’t lead you to feel
the way you desire to feel, you’ll remember that there is another way,
and shift your approach. It’s about choice to self-empower as you go, not
about never doing any of them again. Perfection is a painful illusion.
Choice is a powerful tool.
Set Them Free Our view of others can be so subtle in our consciousness we don’t
realize how we affect our relationship with them. In setting her free, I set
myself free, as well. After all, not all of my memories about this person
The Law of Attraction states that whatever we hold our focus, specifically, are what we’d called negative ones. There are many, many positive
our emotionally-charged feelings on is what we get more of even if it’s ones. Since I’ve shifted my perception of her, more positive memories
not what we desire. It’s easy to relate this to a better job, more money, float into my consciousness and I embrace them. This is what’s called
and all the improvements we typically seek to expand into our lives, but Changing the Past. We don’t actually change the past, but rather how we
this also applies to relationships. perceive or view it. The outcome is that doing this has changed the way I
When we’re first introduced to information such as this, and even after experience the present—and this person.
working with it for years, we discover we have many issues and areas of Set them free and you set yourself free.
our lives we wish to affect. Akin to separating like-colored marbles, we
find we have to deal with each “color” one at a time in order to
accomplish this.
I’ve been on a diligent path to address my “marbles,” so matters are
dealt with as they come to my attention. One in particular is a long-time
relationship with someone who’s been considered difficult. In the last
several years, circumstances changed and her behaviors escalated to a
point that people who needed to interact with her found they couldn’t
cope with her and couldn’t get her to understand how she was affecting
those around her, so began to avoid her. I was one of them. It was truly
challenging for me to engage with her at any level; yet, I wasn’t willing to
give up.
One of my affirmations is, “I EXPECT harmonious relationships.” This got
my attention during a morning meditation and I asked myself, “How can
you expect your relationship with her to be anything other than what it’s
been as long as you have her fixed in your mind as capable of only
certain behaviors?”
I didn’t give this a lot of thought. I simply chose in that moment to set her
free from my imposed belief and expectation that she couldn’t behave
any other way. Nor did I envision her behaving as I’d like her to. I Let Her
Be. We spoke the following week and what happened might be called a
miracle by some. After years of conversations I regarded as tortuous, we
had the most pleasant conversation in decades. Within a few days, I
received an email from someone whose experiences with this woman
matched mine. His comments were that he’d just had a most remarkable
conversation with her, unlike any he’d had with her in years; and he was
stunned.
How to Be the Experience You Wish to Have
Ever have one of those moments, events, or days when it appears if it
can go wrong it seems to? Were you pleased with how you managed
yourself, and the outcome?
The event was one I not only looked forward to, but carefully planned for.
My handouts, business cards, and artificial bonsai tree were packed and
ready to go in my wheeled suitcase the day before the event. It was
scheduled to start at noon and last until two o’clock; which meant I
needed to be at the site for 11:30 so I could set up my table. And, I’d
been told to expect about two hundred people to attend. I was ready!
The morning of the event, I went through my usual meditative routine,
and included my mantra, used especially when I have to commute or
travel:
I’m always in the right place at the right time with the right action
and the right people.
Using the subway on a Saturday means you have to allow extra time for
a slower commute; for me, about an 80-minute ride to my destination. If I
left by 10 a.m., I’d have enough time for the ride and to walk to the site. I
didn’t leave my apartment until almost 10:15. Pulling my weighted
suitcase on the bumpy sidewalk, I made it to the subway station—a 15-
minute walk without a suitcase. It was roped off . . . “being painted” is
what the person I asked told me. I’m always in the right place at the right
time . . .
I repeated my mantra as I quickly pulled my suitcase the eight blocks
north to the next subway stop, also roped off. My brain went into gear:
There wasn’t enough time for me to keep walking north until I found an
open station. I didn’t have enough cash with me to take a car service as
far as my destination (and who knew what traffic was like), nor did I want
to pay around $70 for a ride that cost $2.50 on the subway. And, that
was just one way.
A note on a post caught my attention: shuttle bus. I crossed the street to
where others stood at a regular bus stop. A woman explained what I had
to do. I checked my watch; it was 10:40. The bus pulled up, I got on, and
asked the driver if he was taking us to the next transfer station where I
could catch the train. “It’s not running there. You have to go to the
transfer station after that one.” Only 18 blocks, but to my ego, it seemed
like 18 miles. I’m always in the right place—.
I hurried down the steps to the subway platform. An express train was
there and I flew through its doors and got a seat. At the main transfer
station, I changed to the express train that would take me to my stop on
Manhattan’s Upper West Side. It was 11:20 and I was at a station in
Lower Manhattan when I realized there is no express service in the city
on Saturday. We’d make every local stop.
Understand I wasn’t upset or losing it, though I was bemused; then I was
amused as I realized this was an opportunity to really practice what I
preach. There was no way I could arrive frazzled and tout coaching to
get peaceful, poised, on purpose, and empowered. I quietly laughed to
myself and believed it would all be fine. I chose to have an inner and
outer adventure that affirmed I’m always in the right place . . .
I arrived at 11:45, ready to get set up and meet and greet the people.
The room wasn’t ready, and everyone hosting a table stood around
looking not too happy. We didn’t get our room until 12:15. It took no time
for me to set up, so I started helping everyone who said they needed
extra hands. I was the only one there who seemed to be in a good mood;
everyone else seemed stressed. I activated my clown chakra and got
some of them to smile and several to laugh.
The two hundred people turned out to be about twenty; and I spoke with
every one of them. No one bought any of my books, but I coached
another host (I love when the “aha” moment happens for a person),
coached one of the attendees, distributed my handouts, met some
amazing people, and got an insight. Actually, I got more than one insight.
At first blush, it might have appeared that lots of things went wrong.
However, every time something seemed to go awry, something terrific
followed it—primarily because I allowed that it could. I refused to get
tense. Tension in your energy turns you into something akin to a prickly
cactus, and nothing can get near you.
I was always in the right place at the right time with the right action and
the right people.
I chose to be the experience I wished to have.
Man’s Economy vs. Spirit’s Economy
Ernest Holmes wrote that doubt is a belief in two powers instead of one.
Let’s tie this in with beliefs about the economy and abundance.
I don’t, as I type this, recall who said our individual economy is separate
from the world’s economy. There are plenty of people demonstrating this
as accurate, people doing quite well no matter what’s going on.
Have you ever had a seemingly fleeting thought (or a focused one) when
you wished you had a particular something and either you found it
available to take for free or maybe someone gave it to you or asked if
you’d like it because they were getting rid of it? However you got it,
which economy did this result come from, man’s or Spirit’s?
Man’s economic system says we can only attain or obtain things in,
primarily, one way: money exchange. It also limits how and how much an
individual can have, if the individual accepts these limitations, that is.
Spirit’s economic system says abundance resources are limitless, as is
how what we ask for can come to us. All we have to do is be a willing
participant.
One of the biggest opportunities that exists for us today, is to give real
consideration to which economic system we give more validity to—man’s
or Spirit’s. The reality is there is only One Economy, just as there is only
One Infinite Power; but we impose our perceptions and assumptions on
it. We limit our use of it through our beliefs.
This is a topic made complex because it’s influenced by each individual’s
belief system. Do you believe you can ask for what you want or
something even better? Do you believe it can come to you from anyone,
from anywhere, at anytime? Are you willing to allow what you desire to
come to you, however it does? This last one is a big one for many. You
wouldn’t think it would be, but it is. Why is this?
All sorts of belief programs get installed in us during our lifetime. Here’s
an example that may nudge you to consider what messages are playing
subliminally in your subconscious.
Someone I know told me about a time her parents and she, when she
was an adolescent, visited her sister in her new home. It was a nice
house, not lavish, but contemporary. When the visit was over and their
car pulled out of the driveway, her mother was furious and said, “I never
thought I’d see the day when one of my children would have a house
nicer than mine.” An imprint was left on the young girl that if she ever had
more, or even the same, as her mother . . . well, it wouldn’t be good.
There was no conscious thought about this in the girl’s mind as she grew
up; but subconsciously, even though she desired to experience success
and abundance, she’d move towards these then block them from
happening. In her subconscious mind, the imagined (or real) penalty was
too great.
Hers is an example of subconscious suppression. There are conscious
ones such as a particular comment heard in parts of the South: You’re
living above your raising. In effect, it’s a parallel suppression, via a
culture, to the one in the girl’s story. Other cultures use similar
statements. Society uses the class system.
Such comments or beliefs come from those who believe in man’s
economics rather than Spirit’s. This also contributes to making people
believe that money is the desired target that affirms their value or
identity, or an evil to avoid.
Here’s an inspiring quote from Dan Miller:
“The fruits of a fulfilling life—happiness, confidence, enthusiasm,
purpose, and money—are mainly by-products of doing something we
enjoy, with excellence, rather than things we can seek directly.”
People struggle and suffer because they’re confused about what they
should focus on. Money is the means we use to have certain, but
certainly not all, experiences we desire. If we believe money is the
ONLY way we can have experiences, we’re buying into man’s economic
system and ignoring Spirit’s.
It does help if you identify a belief that’s holding you back from having
the life experience you desire. You move forward more quickly if you
allow such beliefs to surface (rather than dwell on surfacing them) while
you also deliberately put your attention on what you want, which are
experiences that allow you to feel how you wish to feel.
How would you feel and what actions would you take (or not take) if you
believed only man’s economic system? How would you feel and what
actions would you take (or not take) if you believed only Spirit’s? Which
one is the Truth?
If you’re inclined, you might entertain these scenarios in a meditation or
in a journal. Envision yourself in both and ask your inner intelligence how
each feels for you, what your life looks like in each. Do any fears come
up about making a choice? Will you have to displease one or more
people, or society or a culture, if you say yes to the life you desire and
are ready to live?
How unfulfilled do you need to be to make others happy?
What might it take for you to make your choice?
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