Ceremonial

Written by
Joseph Frost
written for the 2014 31 Plays in 31 Days Project
Play #6
Draft
8/7/14
Attic Scripts 2014
Joseph Frost
4550 Normandy Dr
Jackson, MS 39206
atticsripts@gmail.com
A sandy beach.
A man stands in the sand, barefoot, in a tuxedo. His bow
tie is untied. He is drinking a beer, and holding the rest of
the six-pack.
A woman enters, in a bridesmaids dress, an unnatural
shade of blue. She is barefoot and carries a pair of heels.
She has her hair up, held by a flower.
PHYLLIS
Billy?
BILLY
Just looking at the sunset, Phyllis.
PHYLLIS
Its 1:30.
BILLY
Im patient.
PHYLLIS
And youre facing east.
BILLY
Very patient.
PHYLLIS
Well, I... You need to go back.
BILLY
I cant do that.
PHYLLIS
Youre going to have to.
BILLY
Andrea is freaking out.
PHYLLIS
Well, yes.
BILLY
She wants to know why I left.
PHYLLIS
Probably, but she sent me to bring you back. What happens then, I dont really know.
BILLY
She screams. She probably cries. And nothing really changes. Not seeing the motivation,
Phyllis.
PHYLLIS
Dont be stupid, you have to go back.
BILLY
Why is that?
PHYLLIS
Because you arent that guy.
BILLY
It would appear that I am. I just ran away from my wedding.
PHYLLIS
You got cold feet. Thats normal.
BILLY
You would know.
PHYLLIS
I would, in fact.
BILLY
You ran earlier than I did.
PHYLLIS
So I understand what you might be going through. And Im here to tell you not to do it.
BILLY
Regrets?
PHYLLIS
I didnt say that.
BILLY
OK.
2.
PHYLLIS
Theres still a chance for you to go back to the house, talk to Andrea, and the ceremony can
still happen before the dinner gets cold.
BILLY
Could be.
PHYLLIS
But?
BILLY
Theres a problem.
PHYLLIS
Which is?
BILLY
I dont love her.
PHYLLIS
Im not hearing this.
BILLY
I dont.
PHYLLIS
Billy.
BILLY
Well, that is a problem, dont you think?
PHYLLIS
It would be if it were true.
BILLY
You know whats true?
PHYLLIS
Dont.
BILLY
I have to say it.
PHYLLIS
You dont.
3.
BILLY
I have to.
PHYLLIS
You dont.
BILLY
Im gonna.
PHYLLIS
No.
BILLY
I still love you.
PHYLLIS
I told you no.
BILLY
But its true. I do.
PHYLLIS
That is ridiculous.
BILLY
You dont know whats inside me.
PHYLLIS
I dont accept that. You dont even know me anymore.
BILLY
Youve tried to change, I know. But the truth is, I still love you.
PHYLLIS
Billy...
BILLY
Ill ask you a question.
PHYLLIS
Id rather you didnt.
BILLY
I want to point out that youre the one that came after me.
4.
PHYLLIS
When?
BILLY
Right now.
PHYLLIS
Thats nothing. Andrea sent me.
BILLY
You could have said no.
PHYLLIS
You dont say no to a crying woman in a wedding dress.
(beat)
Well, I dont.
BILLY
How about a groom in his tux?
PHYLLIS
Im going to leave.
BILLY
Wait.
PHYLLIS
I have to tell Andrea you wont come back.
BILLY
She knows.
PHYLLIS
How?
Billy sets down the six pack, pulls his smartphone out of
his pocket.
PHYLLIS (CONTD)
Text message?
BILLY
Yeah.
PHYLLIS
Super classy.
5.
BILLY
She texted me. Otherwise I wouldntve. She said she wouldnt talk to me if I came back
now.
A moment.
PHYLLIS
Arent your clothes at her house?
BILLY
And my car.
PHYLLIS
Thatll be--
BILLY
Yeah.
Another moment.
PHYLLIS
What all did you text her?
BILLY
She asked if I was coming back, and I said I wasnt.
PHYLLIS
Yikes.
BILLY
She said then we are through. I agreed.
(beat)
She asked if there was someone else.
PHYLLIS
Oh my...
BILLY
I said--
PHYLLIS
No.
BILLY
Yes.
6.
PHYLLIS
You didnt.
BILLY
(holds up phone)
I actually did.
PHYLLIS
Did she ask who it was?
BILLY
She absolutely did.
PHYLLIS
You didnt tell her.
BILLY
I have not yet responded.
PHYLLIS
Tell her is wasnt me.
BILLY
It is not Phyllis...
PHYLLIS
No, dont tell her it was me.
BILLY
I hadnt planned on it.
PHYLLIS
Bad enough she asked me to be in the wedding.
BILLY
Certainly wasnt my idea.
PHYLLIS
We were roommates before you started dating her.
BILLY
And we were --
PHYLLIS
I know. Oh, God.
7.
Phyllis plops down in the sand.
BILLY
What?
PHYLLIS
This whole thing. I didnt even want to be here.
BILLY
Obvious to everyone but Andrea.
PHYLLIS
I should have stayed at home.
BILLY
You moved to get away from us.
PHYLLIS
It wasnt just you.
BILLY
But it was to get away.
PHYLLIS
I got a new job.
BILLY
But you came back anyway.
PHYLLIS
She asked me to be a bridesmaid.
BILLY
And you said yes.
PHYLLIS
I didnt want to. Been miserable this whole week.
BILLY
Yeah.
PHYLLIS
Her sister is quite a...
BILLY
Pill.
8.
PHYLLIS
Nice way of saying it.
Billy notices her on the ground.
BILLY
Youre ruining your dress.
PHYLLIS
What?
BILLY
The sand.
PHYLLIS
You think Im ever wearing this dress again?
(rubs her face)
Oh, this is so completely messed up.
BILLY
I know.
PHYLLIS
You arent going to just leave.
BILLY
I left my keys in the house.
PHYLLIS
Never leave your keys in the house.
BILLY
I was getting married.
PHYLLIS
You brought your phone.
BILLY
The music for the processional was on it.
PHYLLIS
You always plan ahead.
BILLY
I try.
9.
PHYLLIS
And fail.
BILLY
I figure I wait a few hours, I might be able to sneak through and get my stuff.
PHYLLIS
Shes gonna have your car impounded.
BILLY
Yeah, probably.
PHYLLIS
No. She is.
BILLY
Ah. So theres that. Then who needs the keys, I guess.
PHYLLIS
So just go, then. Call a cab. You have a phone.
BILLY
You want me to go.
PHYLLIS
You should. Yes.
A moment.
BILLY
Come with me.
PHYLLIS
You are out of your mind.
BILLY
Probably.
PHYLLIS
Im not going anywhere with you.
BILLY
Im not making a pass or anything.
PHYLLIS
You just said you loved me.
10.
BILLY
Yes.
PHYLLIS
Right after you walked out on your wedding ceremony.
BILLY
Yes.
PHYLLIS
Nowhere is the only place I will go with you.
BILLY
(smiles)
Thats funny.
PHYLLIS
I am here primarily for your amusement.
BILLY
So I would like for you to come with me.
(beat)
We arent going to a hotel room. We arent running off to the justice of the peace.
PHYLLIS
So were Dustin Hoffman and whats her name in the Graduate?
BILLY
Elaine!
(beat)
Katherine Ross is her name.
PHYLLIS
Hello, Darkness. My old friend.
BILLY
I guess that would be us.
PHYLLIS
I dont want to be them.
BILLY
It was your idea. I just want you to come with me. We could finish these beers.
PHYLLIS
I dont drink.
11.
BILLY
I can finish these beers.
(beat)
You can come with me, or you can head back to the house.
PHYLLIS
You dont have any shoes.
Billy picks up her shoes and throws them.
BILLY
Neither do you.
Phyllis rises.
PHYLLIS
Where are we going?
BILLY
I have no idea.
Phyllis takes the beers and sets them on the ground.
PHYLLIS
Lets go.
They go.
End.
12.