Advance Praise For

FROM PEBBLES TO PATHWAYS

Though a memoir of an individual journey, From Pebbles to Pathways reveals universal truths about the human condition. In relentlessly questioning the meaning of relationships, emotional responses and life experiences, the books raw honesty and innocence give it an unusual, page-turning power. Not only does the past not make us, it says, but trust in the strange but wondrous ways of the universe will reveal a perfect pattern to our lives. In the authors case, this only became fully apparent in the process of writing. Yet in the tradition of great spiritual autobiographies, deeply personal insights in one can trigger insights and realizations in the many. An exemplary 21st century spiritual work. ~ Tom Butler-Bowdon, author of 50 Self-Help Classics, 50 Spiritual Classics

An intimate and powerful memoir that catapults the reader through an insightful journey. The depth and honesty of this book surprises as it exemplifies one womans real process of coming to terms with herself and healing the heart. From Pebbles to Pathways is a compelling glimpse into the journey of a formidable woman whose early life was spent struggling to find security and safety, losing herself along the way. Through her relentless commitment to well-being, and her riveting inner and spiritual journeys, we watch her courageously create a life of fulfillment. The stories in each chapter, and the profound insights that follow, inspire the reader to find the good in oneself, the courage to love, and recognize the endless opportunities life has to offer, regardless of circumstance. ~ Margaret Paul, Ph.D., author and co-creator of Inner Bonding and SelfQuest

All teachers must first be pupils. As they grow, the blank slate with which they began life becomes colored in hues often darkthe ragged scars of growing, learning, and loving. The trick, Donna Thomas tells us in her sometimes harrowing memoir, From Pebbles to Pathways, is to divine the lessons from the damage, the light from the sorrow, and to absorb and, ultimately, impartthe wisdom that ensues. Somewhat to her own surprise, Thomas evolved into one of life's teachers, a healer of uncommon grace and intuition. As readers will discover, her path to that point was never assured, given her troubled, emotionally removed parents and the litany of abuses and calamities to which Thomas was subjected. What is striking about the book is not just the clarity the author brings to her own healing, but her talent in discerning the lessons all of us should be learning. ~ Nick Madigan, former correspondent for The New York Times and The Washington Post From Pebbles to Pathways reads like a fascinating and spellbinding novel, but with the added benefit of life lessons. It may be one womans journey of healing the heart, but the candid, personal stories are so profound that anyone can experience similar breakthroughs and paradigm shifts from them. ~ Heather Vale Goss, a.k.a. The Unwrapper, Author and Interviewer At a time when fewer and fewer people have time to read, From Pebbles to Pathways is a must-read. Fascinating and compelling, its an exhilarating ride to growth and awarenessan educational and evocative journey to greater enlightenment. ~ John Donley, Writer/Producer

Donna Thomas tells her story with honesty and sincerity, drawing the reader into her transformational experiences. From Pebbles to Pathways will inspire and encourage those who are on a journey of personal enlightenment to find the good in all of the steps on their path. ~ Ron Scolastico, Ph.D., Author of Doorway to the Soul and The Mystery of the Christ Force

Author Donna Thomas has created a biography of her life in a new work intended to offer guidance to those on a quest for spiritual awakening. It is an engrossing and intimate read of her journey through 38 years of life in a search for Grace. Reading From Pebbles to Pathways is like reading a womans diary. It is jaw-droppingly honest and straightforwardeye-opening and a testimony to her simplicity, honesty, and couragethe result of practicing what she preaches and the determination to learn the lessons life teaches her. What you read is what you geta level of insight to mind, thought, and essence that exposes her fully as she constructs herself into an integral whole from the elements life gave her. The fathers of daughters would do well to read this book as it may add dimension to how young girls come to grips with their dads. Likewise, smart men would read Pebbles with a view toward learning what better women want from better men. One seeking pathways through their own life would be blessed to find Thomas Pebblesif only to discover what a contemporary woman has done for herself on her own with her own resources. Perhaps thats as good as finding oneself gets. ~ John Rippo, The Espresso Caf Newspaper

n honor of my mother and father.

May the insights that took place in this story and in the telling of it bring healing to the seven generations before and behind me.

CONTENTS

Introduction 1. Innate Knowing 2. Life Hits the Fan 3. Daddy Doesnt Know 4. Doing Time 5. Tahoe, A Whole New World 6. Downward Spiral 7. Hitting Bottom 8. Deeper Than Skin 9. The Miracle of Love 10. Life on Planet SCA 11. The Proverbial Rebound 12. My Five Lives 13. A Fathers Hold 14. Helping Hands 15. Piano Man 16. Shift Happens 17. Coming Home 18. Speaking of Orgasms 19. The Miracle of Authenticity 20. Intention to Fruition 21. Franny Was Right 22. Rewriting the Past 23. Inspiration and Confidence 24. Wake of Pain 25. The Truth about My Mother 26. The Houseguest 27. Grace Takes Her Hand

xv 3 5 9 11 16 21 23 31 37 44 49 52 55 58 60 66 71 75 82 84 89 96 98 101 104 109 111

28. Releasing Grief 29. Tires to the Road 30. Giving Back 31. When the Student Is Ready 32. A Dream Fulfilled 33. To Be or Not to BeAn Actress 34. Wind of Change 35. The Tower 36. Wobbly Legs 37. Need vs. Desire 38. Fear Revealed 39. Doll House 40. Time to Move On 41. Flying Free 42. Standing Up 43. Grace Takes Another Hand 44. Answers to Lifes Riddles 45. Love Lives Again 46. Foibles and All 47. An Unlikely Spiritual Practice 48. Making Amends 49. Another Brush with Providence 50. Without Consent 51. Lightning Strikes 52. Making Contact 53. Presents from The Presence 54. Native American Ritual 55. I Am Love 56. Sedona Calls 57. Mount Shasta 58. Healers Healing 59. Feeling the Power

123 125 129 132 141 145 151 163 170 181 183 186 189 191 194 198 204 215 217 219 222 226 228 235 242 245 251 261 266 275 281 283

60. Rocky Road and Agate Beach 61. Permission Granted 62. A Multifaceted Relationship 63. Tales of Two Healers 64. Waverly Speaks 65. Calling Anger to the Mat 66. Unconventional Support 67. Boundless Love 68. A Change in Course 69. A Door Closes, Another Opens Epilogue

285 297 299 310 313 320 327 330 334 341 353

INTRODUCTION

efore delving into this book, it is important, I think, to clarify my meaning of Grace. Grace is the power of the omnipresent, exquisite Divine (the governing force that lives in and through all things), revealing itself as supreme love by which one can find guidance, support, and inspiration as well as healing and regeneration. Simply put, Grace is God in action. This is an intimate account of how I was guided by Grace through the first thirty-eight years of my life, during periods of awareness and willingness as well as times of being oblivious and thickheaded. In fact, a strong contender for the subtitle of this book was How Grace Guides the Thickheaded. Just as there are no short cuts to spiritual evolution, emotional (also known as personal) development requires dedication and consciousness. Both spiritual evolution and emotional development are vitally important to a deeply fulfilling life. This story is ultimately about the spiraling path of spiritual and emotional growth, and what happens when one brings awareness to ones life experiences, and how from these experiencesat times pleasurable, but more often challengingprofound insights are realized, and depth and growth are inspired. It is these insights that pave the pathway of our lives. At the end of each chapter you will find sections called Pebbles. These sections contain the insights and/or revelations that I gained from my experiences. For the earlier pebbles, because I was young and not yet practiced in self-reflection, they are my

current insights into how each experience was important to the evolution of my life. The later pebbles give current insights in addition to awareness gained from the experiences as they occurred. Alongside my stories, the intent of the pebbles is to exemplify four things: 1) the progress of bringing awareness, honesty, and intimacy to ones life experiences; 2) how one can find deep meaning, growth, and healing by this process; 3) how the meaning we attach to our experiences creates the life we are currently leading; and 4) how, if one is not satisfied with the life they now lead, by making a different body of choices, this body becomes what theorist Buckminster Fuller referred to as a Trim Tab1 for our livesthe tiny, trailing part of the ships rudder, which with a low amount of pressure, changes the direction of the ship (ones life). Once the rudder turns, the ship, no matter its size, makes a change in direction. The pebbles are not intended to rob you, the reader, of your own insights. Rather, they are to augment what you take from the stories, given your perspective. They could also be thought of as me standing on top of a hill saying, See me up here? The view is great! as well as, See the path to your right? Because of a, b and c, that is the path I took. Consider taking it. It could be easier for you. Still, if the pebbles dont resonate with you, skip them and simply read the stories, for they, in and of themselves, exemplify evolution. This is a heroines journey. It is not to say that my journey was more challenging than anothers, as I am certain that each of our journeys is truly heroic, some in mythic proportions. Nor is this a whiny story of how life is just plain hard. For one persons challenge could just as easily be another persons defining moment. This book honors the journey of life itself and all that it offers. It attempts to embrace all experiences as offerings from the Divine and opportunities for growth. It is meant to encourage our trust in the guidance that is always waiting in the wings for our permission

to rush forward on our behalf. It is a confirmation that fulfillment is often only a choice away. I have heard that for some, the first fifty or so pages of this book can be somewhat reactivating to read, as I write in detail about personal experiences that were less than desirable. If you find this is the case for you, I encourage you to just keep reading. Everything turns out well in the end. You will see! The reason for writing this book is simple. With the fear, suffering, and unrest in the world, I had to do something, offer something. I have found that one of the most potent actions to take in healing oneself of emotional pain is to tell the truththe authentic truth. When one splays herself open so that all can be seen, even though it may not always be easy, deep and lasting healing can then occur. With my desire to inspire and guide others to achieve more peaceful and fulfilling lives, I offer this book as an exemplification of this powerful and sometimes harrowing process. Most of the names in this book have been altered to respect the privacy of the people portrayed.

Let your teacher be love itself. Rumi