Bella's still hurting

“Bella!!!” I heard someone scream as I came out of my bad dream and had fallen i
nto pure hysterics. I was in a warm embrace. I didn't want it. I wanted to be co
ld. I longed for it once again to be a cold, stone embrace. “Bella sweaty.” Jake
called again pulling me even more out of my nightmare. “J... Ja... Jakeyyyy” I
stuttered while in full on hysterics. “Shhh! It's alright. Jakey's here.” He tol
d me wrapping himself around me, to calm me and warm my shaky, icy, body.
After half an hour of crying I had calmed enough to realized where I was. I lay
completely undressed in an unfamilar room in Jake's undressed lap. My eyes had r
an dry of tears and I curled up close to Jake and layed back again on the bed. “
Are you okay Honey?” Jake asked, concern filling his husky voice. I nodded in hi
s chest. “What happened? Where are we?” I asked, my voice cracking from crying f
or so long. “Man I though the dreams were starting to go away. You came over dru
nk again and completely depressed. I told you not to drink when your depressed b
ut your so stubborn.” He told me mussing my hair. “Were in Quil's extra bedroom.
You spiked my drink last night. I did not have that strong of a drink but Quil
told me this morning while we were trying to calm you that you had spiked it. Ni
ce by the way. I don't exactly remember how we ended up like this but it's not t
he first time so it really does not matter much.” He finished. “I'm sorry.” I to
ld him feeling upset again. “Hey it's okay don't cry.” He rubbed my back again.
I then realized the awful craving for a cig again. I sighed and sat up. “Need a
smoke?” He asked me knowing my too well. I nodded at him. “Okay. C'mon we should
go meet Sam for breakfast and then you can. You should eat first.” He told me s
itting up. I grimaced at him. I got up and went for my bag. I brang it everywhe
re I went now. Ever since he left me 'bout six months ago and I started to talk
a month after that. I always had this bag. It had all my toiletries in a smaller
bag and then a clean change of clothes with any money I ever had. I had anythin
g I needed. I always had plenty supply of cig's, Alcoholic shots, and anti depr
esents from the doctors Charlie insisted I go to. I checked in with him every on
ce in a while but never really left the rez except to work or get more of my mai
n supplies. With me here the wolves could keep the area Victoria tried to enter
limited. I mostly stayed at Sam's and Emily's now that they were married. Emily'
s house that she moved out of when they got married needing looking after. Emily
had moved in with Sam. I loved the little place. It was also right next door to
Sam's so Em and I got to hang. I was very close to them both now.
When we got back to my place -after saying goodbye and thank you to Quil and his
mom for letting me stay the night- I went straighed over and walked in the side
door to Sam's knowing he would be asleep and Em would be awake. Jake was follow
ing me and I knew soon I would have to make him go back to sleep knowing he woul
dn't sleep at all tonight when it was his turn to run. “Hey Emm!” I whispered as
she slowly stepped away from her door as to not wake Sam. She closed his door a
nd gave m a hug as we walked to the kitchen. “Hey Bells. Rough night?” She asked
eying Jake. I shrugged. “I was upset again.” I told her. “Ahhh. Who's house did
you and Jake wake up at this time?” She teased trying her best to lighten the m
ood. She new how much I was hurting. “Quil's.” I sighed and we both laughed a li
ttle. Jake walked into the back room I'm asuming to use the bathroom and I relax
ed. “What's he so tense about? And How bad was it this morning?” She asked knowi
ng if I had a rough night I would have woke up screaming. “I apparently spiked h
is drink last night and we both passed out in the same bed. He has a bad hang ov
er. I don't as usual.” I laughed a little. I never got hang overs. “Then Jake sa
id I screamed for 10 minutes before he could finally wake me and then cried anot
her half an hour.” I told her. She knew how it was. She sometimes would have to
wake me up herself on the off chance I was home. I sighed and reached down for a
cig. “Hey! Not before breakfast. Now take you med's and eat that whole muffin.”
She told me smacking my hand that was reaching for the cig. “Yes mom.” I said a
nd she laughed. She did seem like a mom now. She cared for me very much. We ende
d up to be like sisters. She being like the older sister I never had. I took my
meds and brang a muffin outside with me to eat on the porch while I grabbed a sm
oke. Em came out and sat across from me. she always sat in the spot that didn't
get the smoke blown toward her. I always tried to blow it away but there is only
so much I can do. “Those cancer sticks will kill you.” She told me. I smiled ba
ck at her. “So will vampires. So will werewolves for that matter.” We both laugh
ed. If it was just cig's then Em was quite happy. She knows how bad it could be.
Jake walked out the door and sat next to my feet. I reach down to kiss him. He
put his hand to my lips and I pouted. “What is that for?” I asked in his fingers
. He laughed and I grimaced. “I'm not kissing you when your smoking. Gross!!” He
said making a face. Em laughed at our faces. “Eat!” They both ordered at the sa
me time. I took another bite. Just then there was aloud howl from the forest. Ja
ke was abruptly standing in front of me. He kissed me quick and ran for the fore
st. “Sam!” Em and I said at the same time. Sam was already out the door with a m
uffin in one hand. He kissed Em and kissed the top of my head and ran for the fo
rest already quivering. I sighed and put out my cig in the ash trey. “So you wok
e up completely undressed in Jake's lap? I'm sorry. I would have burnt my eyes.”
She laughed at her Joke. “No I know you probably like him. He's cute I guess.”
She said making a face at the word cute. I laughed at her. “I think he's adorabl
e but.” I stopped and didn't know what to say. “You still love him.” I knew she
didn't mean Jake. “No I don't.” I stated quickly. “Bells? Seriously? Your not ov
er him. I know for a fact you love Jake but I also know for a fact that you will
never completely love him the way you loved Edward. You loved and will never st
op loving Edward Cullen.” She told me. I felt a tear come into my eyes and wiped
it away quickly. I groaned and grabbed another cig. “Those things aren't always
going to help.” She stated as she got up to go inside. “Em, I'm going to run th
e store and get the boys more hot dogs. They ate all mine last night. You need a
nything?” I asked getting up to leave. I needed some time to think. “No thanks b
ut we won't need to check your bag and truck when you get back, right?” She aske
d. “No Em I'm not depressed.” I told her. Sam had found me one day on the beach
while I was s depressed. I was snorting lines. Him and Em took me in and thew aw
ay all of it and did regular searches after I smuggled more in. That was so long
ago then, they wouldn't let me go anywhere. Now that I decided that I didn't wa
nt the drugs.
I left for the store thinking back t when I did those things. Now being on the r
ez so much that I forgot about all of it. I knew when I passed the vampires not
aloud line because I started to get anxious. I was always on the rez so when I l
eft it made me feel just off. But this time, it was different. I feel safe but I
feel like someone is watching. It's probably Jake. I shrugged it off. I got the
biggest package of hot dogs the store carried then bought a case of it. I neede
d something for tonight. I knew I had no more alcohol. I sighed and got some ham
burgers and then grabbed anything I needed for them. I was about to go to the fr
ont of the store when I suddenly saw a flash of bronze hair go down the next isl
e. Bella your over reacting. I told myself as my heart sped up. My breathing was
erratic. I worked to calm it. Bella! It's not him. Aren't you over him? I yelle
d at myself angrily that I let that get to me. I closed my eyes and rubbed my fo
rehead and then paid for my things after grabbing another carton of cigs seeing
as how I was running low on them and then left. I still felt odd like safe but a
s I was being followed. But once again when I passed the vampire, werewolves bor
der the feeling it was gone. I grabbed a cig and lit it and rolled down the wind
ows. I needed to relax. I realized I was shaky a little while I was almost home.
I pulled out and grabbed the groceries out. I opened the screen all of the sudd
en someone jumped out from behind the kitchen counter. I screamed and then reali
zed it was Quil. “God Quil! What the hell?” I yelled walking in as he walked ove
r to help with the groceries. “Jeez Bells! What makes you so jumpy?” He said put
ting the groceries away. They all new where everything was. They came over a lot
and I loved the company. “Shift over Quil?” I asked while walking back out to f
inish my smoke. “Yeah!” He yelled excited. “What's got you so jumpy?” He asked.
They all new me to well to know when something was wrong. “I'm fine.” I muttered
plainly. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Did you get a muffin from Emil
y?” I asked hoping to change the subject. “Yes and I ate it in one bite.” He sai
d smiling. “When do you not?” I laughed and then remembered tonight was my night
to cook. “I got burgers and dogs for tonight.” I told him smiling. “Oh yeah I f
orgot! Sweeeet!! I can't wait!” He shouted. He opened his mouth to say something
but I already knew what it was. “Yes I bought all the stuff for your chili dog
cheeseburger.” I told him smiling and laughing. “Sweet!!!” He yelled even louder
. “Wheres Jake? I thought his shift was later tonight?” I asked wishing I had Ja
ke by me. “Victoria got past Embry this morning and that's what the howl was for
. But right now Jake, Sam and Paul all went to try and get her back. Embry's at
Em's and is in a lot of trouble for goofing of and almost dieing!” Quil told me
laughing. I slapped in the back of the head. “Ptsh! You goof off all the time!”
I told him. “Yeah but I don't almost lose my life for it.” He was relaxing a a c
hair across from me as I finished the cig off. Then all of the sudden there was
a scream from Em's house. Quil grabbed me up like a child and we were inside her
house in a second. “Em!!! It's Bella and Quil! What's wrong?” I yelled. “Bella!
!!” She yelled from her bathroom. Quil ran through the house and couldn't find a
nything. So I ran in to the bathroom to find her. She shut the door behind me. “
Em! What's wrong?” I asked urgently. She handed me what was in her hand. It was
a pregnancy test. I gasped at the plus sign. “Oh My God! Congrats!” I yelled as
she hugged me and we jumped up and down. “What the Hell is going on?!” Sam ran i
n the house yelling. We still had the door closed. “Bella?!” Jake yelled worried
. “Emily?!” Sam called as worried as Jake. “Were in here!” Em whispered knowing
they would hear us. “Are you okay?” Sm asked knocking on the door. “I'll get rid
of the boys you tell him.” I told her She nodded as I slipt out the door. Sam w
as standing in the door looking down at me. “Sam she's fine and she will be out
in a minute.” I told him huggy him and then walking toward Jake. “Alright boys I
need a smoke and some company. I got hot dogs. C'mon!” I yelled to the boys sta
nding in the living room as I walked to my house. “Yes!!!” They yelled and follo
wed. Jake came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Your smoking
more then normal. What's wrong?” He asked concerned. “How do you know if I'm smo
king more then normal. I'm fine!” I stated plainly. He looked at me and raised a
n eyebrow. “Bella really? I know you. Besides you opened this pack this morning.
” He said questioningly while pulling my pack out of my pocket. “See? You never
smoke more then 2 before lunch. You smoke the most in the after noon and then wh
en you drink, you smoke like an entire pack.” He stated knowing me way to well.
I sighed and turned in his arms. I hugged him tight letting his warm body comfor
t me. I looked up and leaned on my toes to kiss him. “Ewww! Get a room.” Quil an
d Embry yelled at the same time. Jake growled at them and then continued to kiss
me. He slowly pulled away and kissed the top of my head. I pulled out the hot d
ogs and cooked just a couple quickly for my boys.
About an hour later all the boys had gone to either sleep, do homework, or runni
ng. Jake and I went back over to Sam's. We walked in to see a smiley Sam and a g
iddy Emily. “Congrats!” I said to them while Jake looked at me wierdly. “Thanks!
” Sam said hugging me. “For what?” Jake asked. We all laughed at poor, clueless
Jake. “We will tell everyone together at Bella's!” Sam answered and Jake pouted.
Jake turned to me with puppy dog eyes. I turned away quickly having a hard time
resisting. “Bells?” He said in an illuring voice. “No Jake.” I answered looking
away trying to resist him. “Please?” He asked low and slowly into my ear. He th
en started to lick the tick of my ear and bite down just enough to send shivers
up my spine. I held back a moan. “J... Ja... Jake!” I stuttered. “Hmmm?” He answ
ered still playing with my ear. “D... Don't!” I stuttered again. It took all my
will power to wiggle out of his arms and stood up. “I will not tell you.” I said
while giving him a glare. He laughed at how hard it to do that and got up to co
me kiss me. “Please!” He begged. “You really want to know?” I asked. Sam and Em
looked at me and shook there head I winked at them. “Yes!” He almost yelled. “Ok
ay I'll tell you. But I won't ever kiss you again.” I told him slowly. He sat in
awe that I would even say such a thing. I smiled brightly as he grimaced. We he
ard chuckles from the corner of the room. “Wanna bet.” He said with a joking smi
rk spread across his face. “Oh indeed, My friend the 10 dollar bill says you can
't land a kiss on my lips.” I set said smirking now. He pouted. “You don't play
fair.” He stated “When did I ever say I did.” I answered as he thought for a min
ute. “Deal! But When I win you have to pay up and tell me.” He said reaching his
hand out. I shook it. He came closer to me and started to tickle me. I put my h
and over his lips as I giggled. He removed my hand from his lips and pulled it c
loser to him. I came closer but dodged him by going right under his arm. He grim
aced at me. Sam and Em just sat on a sofa, Em in Sam's lap while they watched us
laughing the whole time. I wrapped my arms around Jake from the back and starte
d to tickle him right by his ribs. I knew every tickle spot he had. The only pro
blem was he knew all mine. He bent over laughing and I let go and tried to run i
nto the other room. He caught me before I could get in the door. He picked me up
bridal style and leaned in. I wiggled enough so that I was hanging upside down
and he had my feet over his shoulders. I couldn't stop giggling. He flipped me o
ver and set me on my feet and I fell backward into a nearby chair. He jumped ont
o the chair thinking he would win but before he could I rolled of the chair and
then sat on his stomach like it was a chair. All of us started laughing. “Jake I
think that was you lost.” Sam said still laughed. Jake groaned and picked me up
and sat me in his lap when he sat up right. “Fine!” Jake yelled making me jumpe
d which made everyone laugh again. “You win but will you please kiss me that was
totally not even fair.” He put on puppy dog eyes again and I gave in leaning in
to him to kiss him. It started out as a small peck but then he put in passion. I
echoed his passion and he put his on my lips. I granted access but opening my l
ips. I heard a grunt from Sam and felt me face show my embarrassment. I sighed a
nd pulled away. “I would say sorry but I'm not sorry at all.” Jake stated. “I'm
not either. But I should get ready for tonight.” I said smiling. “Yay!” Jake sai
d happily which was odd. We all looked at him like he was going insane. He just
shrugged. When we said goodbyes ad walked back to my place I hadn't had a smoke
in a while and was craving one badly. I rushed to get a soda while pulling out a
cig and a lighter. Jake and I talked outside while I was smoked. When we walked
back inside I felt closer to Jake. I talked to him about everything and he help
ed through the pain. He knew he didn't under stand it but he tried. I looked ove
r at him as he was playing with the grill that we were going to be using. ”Jakey
?” I asked in a low voice. “Yes Babe?” He answered not looking over from his fav
orite toy. His dad had gotten it for him about a month ago with my help. After t
he Cullens left I was comotose. I didn't eat except when my dad forced me to and
didn't talk at all. Jessica offered something and before I knew I was on a coup
le different things including Heroin, cigs, and E. Thats when my dad asked Jake
to come see me and try to get me to talk. It took a while but once Victoria was
after me I was always at the rez. Em saw me shoot up one time and her Sam and Ja
ke put me in an intervention. When it was jst the alcohol and cigs they let me
take Em's place. They slowly gained trust in me but it took a while. Jake had to
help me through it emotionally so he just slept a the same house I did. Then on
e night we did other things and ever since then its been like that. “Bells?” War
m arms pulled around my back pulling me out of my head. “Did you want something
Babe?” He asked again. “Thank you.” I said feeling oddly thankful to him. I neve
r said it anymore and I knew it would be nice. “For What?” He asked confused. “F
or everything. I don't understand why you do it but I'm so thankful.” I told him
hugging close to him. “Bells. I love you so much. I don't care about your past.
Have you ever heard the saying 'Yesturday is history and history is miles away.
' It's perfect for right now. I love you so much. I don't care for what is miles
away. I care for what is right here.” He said holding me close. I turned in his
arm and kissed him with as much love and passion as I could give him. He kissed
me back this time he echoed me. I deepened the kiss giving him access to my mou
th. He turned and gently pushed me into the wall. I felt my hands go from his wr
ists to his hair as I puled myself even closer. He moved his hands which were on
the wall along my arms. He stuck his hand under my shirt onto my stomach which
sent a shiver down my back. He picked y up quickly and carried me into the bedro
om.
We were both breathing hard from the previous festivities. I was now laying spra
wled out across the bed. Jake lay sprawled out next to me breathing in gasps. “W
ow!” We both breathed at the same time. “I'm telling you that was the best ever
and we still have time to get up and get ready for the evening.” He said once he
had his breathing under control. “I agree.” Was all I said. I got up and went t
o take a shower. Jake joined me but it only took us 10 minutes. When we were fin
ally dressed, I pulled out the burgers and got them ready for the grill. Jake go
t the grill ready. “Hey Jake! Hey Bells! What you up to bells?” Quil asked while
giving me a big, -what the pack called- wolf hug. I hugged him back and continu
ed making patties for the burgers. Quil grabbed a bag of his favorite chips off
the counter. “Hey save some for your brothers and not before diner.” I scolded s
macking his hand. “Jeez Bells you've turned into Emily.” He said pouting. We all
heard a growl as Sam and Em walked in the door. “Is being like me so bad? cuz I
love it.” Em stated and we all laughed. I looked around and the rest of the boy
s joined us. I couldn't help but think this was right, It's my family.
That night when I had pulled out the drinks. “Yes!” I yelled after I was pretty
well gone from my drinks. “Another one. Jakey you want one?” I asked him as I s
tood up. “No I'm good but I think you are too. C'mon Bells, your already drunk.”
He told me pulling me back to my chair he finally got me in and I all but fell
over. “C'mon Jakey please?! Pretty please?” I begged. “Fine but only if you will
talk to me when you get it and this is the last one.” He said frowning. “Yay!”
I screamed after getting up and almost falling over. Jake caught me before I cou
ld hit the ground. “Sit! I'll get it.” He said worrying. He got up and got it fo
r me. He was so nice to me. He walked over kissed me lightly on the lips and gav
e me my drink. “Thank you.” I said smiling and leaning in to kiss him again. “Be
lls? Why are you doing this. I can see that theres a reason, c'mon Bells talk to
Jakey.” He said. “I don't wanna talk. Talk is lame.” I said laughing. “Bells te
ll me.” He said bluntly. “He left and he's never coming back. So why does it mat
ter?” I said to him feeling sad that we were on the subject that I didn't want t
o be on. “I don't know why does it matter?” He asked. “I don't know why are you
asking?” I asked him. “Bella you brang it up. Your not over him I know that. I k
now you love me but I also know you will never be able to love anyone the way yo
u love him.” He told me and I couldn't help but cry. “I thought I saw him. It lo
oked just like him.” I said while still trying to fight back tears. “Why did he
leave? Jake why?” I sobbed. I wish he could tell me what I did wrong. I wished h
e still loved me. But then again there was a strong hate inside of me that hated
him. “Shh! Bells. I know honey I know.” Jake rubbed my back. If he's here I kno
w where he will be and all I want to do is see him. I got up and wobbled a littl
e but stood and walked toward the door. “Bells? Where do you think your going?”
Jake asked. “I gotta see if he was here.” I said through new tears. Al I could t
hink was is he really and couldn't find me? He would never think to look here an
d he couldn't. Then why would he. He doesn't love me. I don't by that at all. He
wouldn't have stayed that long. He saved my life countless times. I grabbed my
keys and tried to walk out the door. “Bella you can't drive like this.” Jake yel
led. “Jake. I can so. I have to try.” I yelled. “Bells you can't even stand up s
traight.” He almost screamed. I opened the door to my truck. “Yes I can.” I yell
ed while Jake tried to hold me. “SAM!!” Jake yelled. “Jake I'm fine. I have to s
ee.” I said crying again. I clawed his arms and turned the truck on. I was now p
issed and in full tears. “SAM!! Get out hear I need help.” Jake yelled. “NO!” I
yelled through my tears. “What?” Sam yelled. “Bella is having another emotional
breakdown can you get her out of the truck?” Jake yelled but I was already drivi
ng down the drive way. “Em! Bells Honey c'mon lets talk about this.” I heard Sam
yell and then someone was in front of me and I slammed on the break. I felt hot
arms around me plling me out of the cab. “Jake bring the truck back and keep th
e kes with you tonight.” Sam yelled and I struggled against hot iron arms. “No!
I have to go I have to go!” I yelled not caring about anything else. “Shh! Bells
calm down. Bells it's Sam c'mon. I got you honey.” He whispered in my ears, we
were suddenly inside. “Oh Bells calm down.” I heard a girls voice. “I have to go
.” I cried. “Bella you are not going anywhere.” They answered. “Why?” I cried an
d Sam set me down. I almost fell over and he caught me and put me in Jakes lap w
ho I fought against. “Bells you can't even stand. Jake how many drink did she ha
ve?” Sam asked. “She downed a couple while I was cleaning and then a couple whil
e I was with her. give it 5 minutes and she pass out.” Jake replied. “I will not
.” I yelled they would not listen I was fine. I continued to cry.
“All I know is she thought she saw him in the grocery store and she wanted to se
e him. She thinks there back.” I heard Jake whisper. I was a little confused. I
was not at my house and I was not undressed with Jake which was how I normally w
as and what were they talking about. Then last nights activities flooded back. I
wanted to cry. I stood up and walked over to Sam's bathroom to have a 'Human Mo
ment' is what I used to call it. Then I graped a cig form my pack on the table.
Jake knew I wouldn't be the nicest person without one. I walked to the front por
ch nodding to Sam and Jake as I went by. Em brang me a muffin. I nodded my thank
s but really didn't want to talk to anyone. All I wanted was to see his face, al
l of their faces. I sighed and ate my muffin. “Jake Ill see you after school. I'
m going for a drive.” I said walking toward my house. He looked at me as if he w
as actually gonna let me out of his sight. “Bells.” He said as a warning. “Ill b
e fine.” I told them. “Bells can I talk to you first.” Sam said. I nodded and we
nt to take a seat at the breakfast bar. “Sam I'm fine. Really I just need to get
out of here for a while. “Bells. I need to make sure your not going to do somet
hing stupid. Last night was bad. I know its getting bad again just by the way yo
u act. We know you very well and will be here for you. Just please if it gets to
hard to handle again tell us don't handle it yourself. Jake loves you and so do
es Em and I. We don't like to see you like this it hurts us.” Sam said. I had sn
ack my mouth shut but still could barely concentrate on what he said to be able
to hear it. All I wanted was to see them. I didn't care about anything else. I g
ave Sam a hug and stepped back to answer. “I love you all very much and thank yo
u for everything. I just need some time. You can't fix it all and I don't expect
you too. Just give me a chance to. I can't do it here. But I will be back tonig
ht. I love you guys.” I said hugging Sam again and walking over to hug Jake. “Be
lls I can't make you but will you at least take one of us with you?” He asked al
most begging but I knew if they were here I couldn't and if not I couldn't take
them with me to get over it. “No Sam.” I said i a final tone and he nodded. Jake
's mouth was wide open. “No Sam you can't let her leave.” He said in shock. “Bel
ls don't go! Victoria is still out there. It's not safe.” He had the same pleadi
ng eyes Sam ad and it made me want to cry. “I can't keep her here. She shows no
danger to yourself or anyone else.” Sam stated. “Jakey?” I said low with googly
eyes. “No Bells I won't let you leave.” He stated plainly with no emotion showin
g. “Baby I will leave anyway but Ill be back tonight baby.” I told him low as a
whisper. “Please don't Bells.” He begged. I couldn't look at is face knowing my
decision would waver. “Sam?” I said asking for help. “Jake you are forbid to go
after Bella unless I say otherwise.” Sam said in a very official voice. Jake wou
ld have no choice but to stay here. “Bells?” Em asked and I prayed she would not
try to change my mind. “Yes Em?” I answered. Her eyes said it all. Love, worry,
warning, trying to just send a message. I nodded and gave her a hug. Jake had a
lready stomped out of the room and over to my place to change. I walked out and
over to my place. “Jake I won't be gone that long but while you are gone will yo
u go buy some clothes. You need some. Trust me you have that last pair of shoes
left, one shirt and those are your last sweat. Yes you have a pair of shorts but
C'mon.” I told him. He didn't even look at me from being so angry. “Yes. Fine!”
He growled storming out the door. “Jacob Black!” I yelled appalled at his attit
ude. He stopped two feet out the door but didn't turn. I walked up behind him an
d rubbed his clenched fists until they opened and he relaxed. “I love you. Ill b
e back. Have fun shopping.” I said trying to lighten his mood a little. He breat
hed out deeply. “Yes Isabella now go!” He said trying to control it before it be
came a growl. I left and didn't really know what to do. I drove a little while h
ad some lunch. I seemed to be fine after spending the whole time out.
When I got home Jake was looking really worried like he had done something wrong
. I walked up to hi and hugged him. I noticed something really wasn't right when
he didn't leaned down and kiss me.
Jake told me he had gone to the store and met a cashier. He imprinted on her the
minute he saw her eyes. She was coming over tomorrow night to see him. I unders
tood it and let it go until he went out on his run. I burst into tears when I wa
s sure he was to far to hear. I ran to Emily's. “Em? D... Did... you hear?” I st
uttered through more tears. “I heard. I'm so sorry Bells. I know honey.” She sai
d just holding onto me. Calming and loving me.
It seemed to feel like it was getting worse now that it was better. I felt like
I was being fallowed all the time. I couldn't sleep again and I didn't even want
to eat. The only time I drank anything besides water was when I drank so much a
lcohol I would pass out and wake up somewhere screaming. I decided it was time I
pay Jessica a visit.
I called her and asked her to bring me something tomorrow at school. I was ac
tually gonna go tomorrow but just to pick it up then leave. The teachers usually
sent my homework home and I did it that way.
When I got there I found her there at the beginning of school and she handed me
a book. I decided to got to the place where all my problems are. The Cullens hou
se.
When I got there nothing seemed to be moved from where I left it. I always came
here when things got bad again. I walked in the front door and sat next to a gla
ss table that was in the living room. I pulled out the book and opened it slowly
. The middle of the pages had been cut out to put things in the middle. There wa
s a clear baggy with white powder inside where the pages had been cut out. I pul
led out the baggy and set it on the table. I pulled out a dollar bill and rolled
it up. I did 2 lines and put all the rest of the stuff away so nothing would le
ave a trace. Washed it down with the strongest drink I could find. It kicked in
then and all my cares were completely gone. I didn't care that Edward wasn't her
e or that Jake was worrying or about Charlie and Renae nothing else mattered. I
pulled out my shot glass and massive bottle of alcohol that nobody knew about hi
dden secretly at this house. I did a couple shots and then lay back on the plast
ic covered sofa letting unconsciouness take me away. I knew I was hallucinating
when I saw Edward standing over me freaking out. “Isabella Swan!?” He yelled try
ing to wake me. I laughed at his face. It was so serious for a hallucination. “I
really don't see anything funny.” He all but yelled. I laughed again almost rol
ling on the floor his face was halarious. “Your face is funny.” I stated. He loo
ked at me as if confused. “Isabella what are you on?” He asked and I shrugged t
rying to standing up. I fell forward and his hand caught me. I shivered away fro
his touch and went right back into the chair. This confused me. My hallucinatio
ns had never been this clear and he never touched me. “You... ? What... ? How...
?” I said confused at how he touched me. “Seriously Bella. I can't even underst
and a word you are saying. I laughed again but then realized I wasn't hallucinat
ing. I screamed. “This is not real just hallucination calm down Bella.” I chante
d to myself. “No this is real and you get hallucinations often? Bella what are y
ou doing to yourself?” He asked. I started to breathing hard and crying. I puled
out my phone and tried to stand although I still couldn't see straight. I wobbl
ed and Edward caught me. I jerked away from his touch falling onto the couch. “H
ello?” Emily answered the phone. “Em? He's here. I don't want to be here. I want
my Jakey.” I sobbed. “Bella not again. I'm sure your hallucinating. Ill send Sa
m.” She told me and I flipped the phone shut. I looked around but he was gone an
d I started to calm down. I started to wander toward the forest hoping to find a
whole to die in. I walked around for half an hour. Suddenly I saw a flash of re
d. I got nervious and looked for it again but there was nothing. Suddenly Victor
ia was in front of me. I started to shake but then turn to walk past her. “Where
do you think your going?” She asked shoving me to the ground. I stood up and st
arted to walk a different way. “Not so fast.” She said again. She shoved me to t
he ground. A stick poked it's way into my forearm making blood drizzle down my a
rm. Her eyes turned dark as coal. She took a bite of my arm. Pain surging throug
h my arm. I pulled my key chain lighter with m free arm and flashed it open and
to her hair which caught quickly. Her screaming filled the area asher body was c
onsumed by the purple flame. I used every ounce of power to scoot backward and t
hen collapsed in the fire. Everything was on fire. I couldn't figure out why it
wouldn't just kill me.
I don't know how long the flames had me but it seemed like a lifetime. I could h
ear my heart beating and and everything around me but et I was still in the time
less fire. Suddenly the fire started to go from my finger tips and they were fre
ezing. As it slowly started to crawl toward my chest. My chest got hotter and I
didn't understand how I could breath or have a heartbeat at all. Its was not eve
n bearable and I was probably screaming without even knowing it. The fire contin
ued to freeze the space the pain left.