Tina Cuyugan uneasy, as though she walked on the edge of things; as though
she· were the one Without shadow. Her steps quickened.
THE DIVER
The girl h~d been taught: In the hour of greatest heat, one
should shut onese,If up in a dim :roOD)to sleep. This was known
as common sense.
. But then, she was of an age during which all girls are
possessed by the devil of contradiction. So that when th~ 01&=
_woman lying beside her (a gi-andmother, perhaps, or some oth~
form of keeper; it doesn't matter in this zwry) sta.rted. to snore,
n-o",ning even as she slept because it was so hot, the girl rolled
noiselessly off the mat and onto the floor.
For a few seconds she lay on her stomach, her chin propp"en
on her hands, inhaling'lhe smell of warm.ad wood and coconut
husk and oil. She saw how the smooth lines of the floor planks
converged at the far end of the room, where a strip of light
gleamed below the blinds.
She got up, then, and padded out into the con-idol', down the
stairs, past prone figures (it WI\S a household of sleepers), out
the door, and into a world slashed precisely into green and black
and blazing white. A plantation at high noon.
The girl had alse been taught: It didn't do to walk in the open
wheu the Bun was at its height.;· beings without sobls or
substance oftan chose to be abroad at that hour, oocause one
would not· notice, until too late, that they cast nQ shadow.
So the girl walked farther intv thE: trees, lookir.g about hp.r.
But t1}ers was no one else.
Only a world radiant in its (ever, hard-edged and disturbing.
The light poured onto the crOwnll of trees, then cascaded from
leaf to stem to rock; it laid a hea'7 burning- finger on her napp..
Grasse~ flashed metallic and ran the poinu. of their bladee idly
along her ankles. The land had taken on more gravity) it ::leerned;
the very hills hummed with their weight. It made the girl
The trees thinned, and she came to the clearing which
marked the end of the property. A narrow creek served as
boundary; and bElyond that lay rice fields, like sheets of beaten
silver, up to the horizon. Birds darted overhead; a carabao lay
motionless in its wallow by the stream.
The girl took off her slippers,an.d..w.adedintothe-ereek, wit.'-l
the carabao watchL"1g her from the opposite bank, snorting
gently and giving:anoccasional flickof its e~. The shockofcool
wat<!r and" the- round, sn.~k-stot:les underfoot made the girl
SilUddol' a litHe. Her toes shone prettily through the sunlit
water, and she stared down at them with interest; they didn't
feel as though t4ey belonged to her at all. -
Only recently had she begun to disc~ver her body. Most times
it was just something"one didn't make .much of; a serviceable
arrangement of skin and bone and.muscle that:ate well, carried
herthrollgh hoUrs of play, and unknitted itself instantly in sleep"
at bddtime. But now and then she would frod hel:self tracing a
whorl on har pink palm, round and round, or watching the light
catch on the fine doWn of her arm, or rurini.ngher hand along
the length of her thigh, fll'st 40wn then up, again and again, slow
and. .mthinking.
1 In the household they had noticed only her fits
of lethargy.
Wake up, get along, .L\ey'd. tell her, you're dreaming. Not
knowing (now could they?) of the intensity with which she had
been foUowing a bead (;If :Jwes.t as it inched slowly, invisibly,
along the curve of her breast.
On~p., she had tD.k~n a mirrcr, e.nd opedng h~r legs wide~ had
gone exploring. Convoluted channels and grottoes, a young
jungle s.h:,eadytangled. an unknown beasfs burrow. What did
it mean? What was it all for, this strange, endless, hidden
country she carried? Baffled, she p~t away the mirror,
As she stood ankle-deep in th~ middle of the c~eek, so sharp
was the girl'~ awareneS3 of her not-belonging, both within and
without, that she wanted t<) weep in sudden, fierce irritation.
Wordlessly she wished herself reduced to an element, like gold
 or air, rid of all that was murky and immeasurable in her. She
gave a 'v-':ole~tshake olher head, to get free of an unknown spell.
The Llovement must have startled the carabao, for in one
explosivi movement it lurched to it.'!feet, too quickly for the girl
to collect herself and scramble to a safe distance ..She looked up.
The animal loomed over the bank, only inches away, blotting
up the light; a steaming boulder dislodged fro-c the earth's hot
heart. So close, she could see with perfect clarity each palEo,stiff
bristle along its flank, and the dried mud cm.--its.hide, ~:let{-OO.
into a neat jigsaw pattern. There was a rich. shocking smell, of
'chu.rn~ earth, f\Ud cruShed leaves. and flow~rs, and dung.
The animal brought its gaze to bear UpO::lthe girl, who met it
with her own brave stare, not knowing why she did so. She
thought: What beautiful thick lashes, for so pitiless arl eye. It
was black, black; with the dead, smiling calm of a storm's hollow
, center. SheJound that ahe had been absorbed effoM;lesslYinto
the animal's gaze - How did it happen? - and now hung
aU3pended on its glistening surface, slowly revolving. She
struggled a little t.~en, like a fmgerling on a hook, but remaiiled
caught.
She continued spinillng, slowly at first, then picking up
speed, faster and faster, until the air was sucked out of her ,
along with. all sense of time. \V}lat wan her name? She no lenger
ltI1ew. There was a series of loud cracks. The girl realized that
she was fracturing all over, like al'J. egg. As she spun, sectie'15 of
shell broke off and were scattered, releasing the :housands 0,':
rUle fllaments which had lain underneath, r;nd which no'.1.'
streamed into the atmosph~e. She gave a final, frantic t .••.
and the last fragment of shell lay discarded by the creek. ,
The girl stood poised on the edge 'ofthe. vast, blllcklake ringed
by thick r<;ledil~H~ body crackled, bright as melten glass. Her'
nair streamed in the searing wind. The landscape was alien'yet
entirely familiar; the lakewater, she knew, was thick and blood-
hot and fathomless. Raising her arms, the girl assumed the
classic diver's position, and plunged.
Twenty-odd years into the future, a lover was to ask (as they
all do sooner or later), murmuring his gently persistent
questions'into her he;'.).;> he lay cupped close,about her flXst
tune: how she had lost and who with; and where. And as she
began her story, tryil1gr, .,'reconstruct in her mind's eye the fain:
features of a boy (a vex)' nice boy he had been), the warm smell
of mud and flowers was upon her again, and she beheld,
unaccountably, her image on a black mirror; a..'ldshe fell silent.
, Her lover realized that he had lost her somehow, that she had,
wandered away from him. Craftily his fingers moved
dowpwards from her belly, seeking to bring her back.
So she bega!lto !:.ellhim of h9W she had gone with the boy ~
a D'iotel- Starlight, it was called - 'on a dim, rainy afternoon;
~weet to recall for aU their awkwardness; he handling her as
though she w~e thinly spun sugar (oh bia soft inhal~tion of
wonder as his fmgertipi lightly skimming, caused her mpple to
furl). .
But soon she lost the thread of her story, and her voice trailed
away, ~ecause older, more cunning fingers, ~ith adde~
complications of lip 'and tongue, were now de~an~~&' her full
attention. The bey had been g:mtle, had he? WeH, thiS seasoned
' lover knew that gentie was not what ~he wanted at dus moment;
no" she needed to be unravelled, quickly, and then put back
to~ether again, with not a stitch ~ppp.d. A nip. here, a skillful
stroke there; 800n she came undone.
Much lat<:!r- she had.almost drifted off ~ he asked: What
was it about the boy, that had made her decide to sleep with
•.
mm.?
ist: And again, u~.expectedly, r03e the ima~eof a dark, g:eamin.g
' . .-expanse, thiddy fringeci, infLlitely alien. So ShEolanghea. h~rseLf
awake then.
Oh, she said: He had a wicked eye: