exemplify magazine

September 2010

The 4 Requirements
of Spiritual Endurance

Three Necessities for

Your Empty Nest’s
Revolving Door

How To Stop Playing

The Comparison Game
 “He is the Rock , his works are
perfect, and all his ways are
just. A faithful God who does
no wrong, upright and just is he.”
Deuteronomy 32:4
New International Version

2 © exemplify magazine
Welcome to Exemplify Magazine.

It is so good to see you after our summer sabbatical! We’re back

into the swing of things here at Exemplify Magazine and I’m over-
joyed to offer this issue to you.

This team I’m blessed to work with has outdone themselves

this month with articles ranging from spiritual endurance to holy
friendship.

I pray as you read these pages you are reminded of the great-
ness of the God you love - and how He has equipped you with a
unique gifting to serve Him. Just like the ladies on this team.

Your voice matters and brings Him glory. Join the song.

In King Jesus,

Kristen Schiffman

www.inspiredheartsmedia.com

3 © exemplify magazine
Meet the Magazine Team
Kristen Schiffman
Founder & Ministry Director
A New Yorker living in Texas, Kristen is just trying to make sense of sweet tea and A/C
units. Together with her best friend & husband, Eric, she enjoys sketching out new ideas
over Starbuck’s.

Kristen’s passion is equipping those in leadership to serve with excellence, encouraging

women to get to know God through His Word and challenging women to live out their God-
given purpose.

Andrea Mitchell
Editor-in-Chief/Director of Web Content/Family Columnist
Andrea Mitchell is a coffee drinking, Jesus-loving wife and stay-at-home mom of
three in constant search of just the right mug for her brew. You can find her at her
blog, UnderGraceOverCoffee.com where she shares the love she has found in Je-
sus, along with the caffeine-laden randomness that makes up the majority of her
day. Grab your cup and come on over!

Christy McGraw
Director of Social Networking/Single Channel Editor/Columnist
Christy is on a journey to becoming a woman after God’s own heart. She delights
in books, photography, her family and her friends. Christy has a heart for young
women and single women. She also loves emails! thesinglejourney@gmail.com

Christine Johnston
Director of Communications/Titus 2 Columnist
Christine is a self professed “knitster” who loves watching a scarf come to life. She is the mother
of four children, three of whom are full grown and one still making her way through high school.
She is married to her high school sweetheart and loves going on lunch dates with him during the
week. Christine’s steady and sure faith in Christ, her value of justice and her compassion for that
which Christ has compassion on daily shape her Titus 2 calling.

Tara Guy
Director of Ministry Support/
Fiction & Apologetics Column/ Web Editor
Tara Guy is a born-and-bred Southern girl who loves sweet tea, Jesus, and football
- and not necessarily in that order. Visit her at Musings of a Future Pastor’s Wife,
where she blogs about her day-to-day life as the wife of a seminary student/youth
pastor and mom to a precious toddler girl, and the daily truths the Lord teaches her.
 Joanne Sher
Magazine Editor
Joanne Sher is a mother of two, wife of one, and, most importantly, daughter of the
King. She was raised in the Jewish faith, coming to a saving knowledge of Jesus in
her early 30’s. Her passion is for writing and encouraging, and editing actually helps
the team
her relax. She is in various stages of progress on two novel-length manuscripts: one
about God’s provision during her husband’s serious health issues, and another Bibli-
cal fiction set during the time of 1 and 2 Samuel. She also loves to share her insights
at her blog, www.joannesher.com, where she shares the “Open Book” of her life fol-
lowing Christ.

Karen Lowe
Feature Editor
A native of Kentucky, Karen is a country girl at heart. She currently
resides in northwestern Illinois where she divides her time between being a
wife, homemaker, homeschooler, mother, writer, and Bible study teacher. She
loves a good cup of coffee and very rarely turns down chocolate. Karen has a pas-
sion to write Bible studies and teach women God’s Word. She
began Truth and Grace Ministries to encourage women to grow in God’s truth
and grace. You can find her writing at her blog, Living Life, where she shares
God’s Word, devotionals, and various other posts about life as she strives to live in God’s truth and grace.

Judith Roberts
Interview Columnist
Judith Roberts has been married to her college sweetheart for four years, and both
she and her husband are active in their church. She is a college instructor pursuing her
doctorate and hopes to mirror Jesus in her everyday life.

Kara Cox
Devotional Columnist
Kara is a single, thirtysomething follower of Christ who loves to laugh and makes
others laugh in the process. She is devoted to all things Autumn and thinks that
pumpkins, fallen leaves and fall TV premieres are a highlight of life. She would also
like you to know she is the most extroverted introvert you will ever meet.

Wendy Miller
How-To Columnist
Wendy Miller is a butcher (of words as she edits her novels), a baker (of birthday cakes
and treats for her beloved family members and friends), and a candlestick maker (not
quite, but she enjoys crafts of all kinds). She appreciates the outdoors, writing and laugh-
ing with loved ones. Wendy’s mission statement is to a live a passionate life filled with
compassion, grateful to be called daughter of the Most High God. Visit Wendy at http://
thoughtsthatmove.blogspot.com/ or http://wendypainemiller.wordpress.com/.

5 © exemplify magazine
 Christa Allan
Writer’s Help Columnist
the team
Christa Allan lives in Abita Springs, Louisiana and teaches high school English. Walking
on Broken Glass, Christa’s debut novel, released in February by Abingdon Press. She’s
written for Chicken Soup for the Coffee Lover’s Soul, Chicken Soup for the Divorced Soul,
The Ultimate Teacher, and Cup of Comfort for Parents of Children with Special Needs. A
member of American Christian Fiction Writers, Christa is also a contributor to Afictionado,
their online magazine. She is the mother of five and the proud Grammy of three. Christa
and her husband Ken spend time with their three neurotic cats, play golf, and dodge hur-
ricanes. She blogs at www.christaallan.com.

Alison Hunt
Columnist
Alison is a twenty-something single woman living in the now and hoping for
the future. Based in North Florida, she an administrative assistant by day,
and dreamer by night (literally). She can also be found reading under trees,
Zumba-ing, spending time with family, and catching up with friends over cof-
fee. Visit her blog at http://alisonlhunt.blogspot.com.

Brooke McGlothlin
Columnist
Lover of God and the man I’ve dreamed of since the 3rd grade...mommy of two little boys
born just 23 months apart...CEO of the McGlothlin Home for Boys (my house)...passionate
about life issues and finding Jesus in the everyday. Director of Clinical Services for a local
Crisis Pregnancy Center with a BS in Psychology and MA in Counseling.

Deborah Boutwell
Book Reviews
Married for 23 years, 2 children (21 & 15 years of age), working outside the home
in a Christian publishing house, serving in a small Southern Baptist church in vari-
ous keys roles, hobbies include reading, writing, needle & thread handwork.

Iris Nelson
Photographer
Born and raised in Germany, Iris now resides with her husband Mark and Chihuahua
Corky, in Arizona. Their grown son Daniel works as a software consultant in Arizona, liv-
ing close by. Although the move from Germany to the US was not easy, God’s hand was
evident. In Arizona, God called Iris back into His flock. Iris enjoys encouraging women
by sharing His Word through the devotional team-blog ‘Laced with Grace’ (www.laced-
withgrace.com), which she ‘birthed’ with a friend from California in 2006.

Iris has always had a love for photography, but after her son Daniel moved out photogra-
phy became more than just a hobby. Iris’ dreams are to self-publish a photography book with Bible passages;
and becoming a full-time photographer—leaving corporate America behind. You can find more of Iris’ photog-
raphy at www.inelsonportraits.com.
6 © exemplify magazine
Lori MacMath
Moving Toward Holiness Columnist

Having grown up in the church, Lori knows that her ‘true spiritual journey’ began with an experi-
ence with infertility and surrendering to the Lord, allowing HIM to break her and remake her.
The smile she wears tells that she is so happy to be on the journey that she is on now. A journey
that includes homeschooling 3 wonderful children! Lori is the co~owner of Internet Cafe Devo-
tions, an online daily devotional site for women. Praising HIM every step of the way, she encour-
ages you to enjoy the journey with her at her personal website, All You Have to Give, where she
can be found daily, enjoying each and every season to its fullest!

Holly Smith
In The Kitchen Columnist

My name is Holly Smith from Monument, CO. I am the wife of Chris and mother of Noah, Kylie,
Tabor and Sydney. I am a stay at home mom, who very much loves her job as a mom. On the
side, I design web pages and marketing pieces. It is a great way to pour out creativity! God
has gifted me with a love of all things creative--from painting and wall-papering to scrapbooking
and design-work. Also I write a couple of blogs, which you can read online if you want. One
is a cooking blog called What Would Martha Cook? It’s about Martha in the Bible not the other
Martha. The other is a devotional writing blog called Crown Laid Down. I began blogging in
February 2007.

Chrystie Cole
Closet Issues Columnist
Chrystie lives with her husband and stepson in the beautiful upstate of South Carolina.
She is a woman who was once lost, broken, desperate and hopeless. Yet because of
a gracious and loving God, she was given a brand new life. She has personally experi-
enced the power of His transforming and redeeming love. As a result, she is passionate
about sharing His love with others and ministering to broken and hurting people.

Tracy Knowlton
Women in the Word Columnist
Tracy Knowlton is a Texan by birth, curious by nature and crazy about her husband of
three years. She reads scripture and loves on her dogs, simultaneously. Tracy looks for
Jesus in the ordinary, adds in scripture and waits to see what happens. Loving the Lord
is her privilege and writing about Him on her blog, JesusWomanWords.com, is her joy.
Consider yourself invited.

Jenifer Jernigan
Faith Applied Columnist
Jenifer makes her home in North Carolina with her husband of ten years, three children,
and English black lab, Bella. On a typical day, if there is such a thing, you will find her
sipping a cup of coffee, home schooling her children, and digging into the Word. A former
pit-dweller who has been saved by God’s amazing grace, Jenifer has a burning passion
to share with women of all ages His unconditional love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness.
 Exemplify Reviews
Reviews by Deborah Boutwell

A Movie
A Letter To Dad (DVD)
Starring Thom Mathews, Megan Gallivan, John Ashton

Featuring songs by Jeremy Camp, Adie Camp,

Thousand Foot Krutch, & Decyfer Down

Based on Proverb 22:6…how to train up a child…this story, while

starting out with a romantic love story, quickly takes you into the
life of a young man (Dan), hindered to progress further in a re-
lationship by the anger he feels toward a father that walked out
on him when he was a boy.  Determined to set things straight,
Dan writes his father a letter, telling him exactly how it messed
up his life and relationships when divorce tore their family apart.

This isn’t a story for young children.  It has a father that

drinks, parents that yell and scream, and teenagers at-
tempting suicide and struggling with abuse.  It’s pret-
ty much true to life…in fact, it’s based on a true story.
Being raised in a home that didn’t have to deal with any of
those issues, this movie was very eye-opening for me of how
devastating it is on the children’s lives not to have their father
in the picture, especially if he is not a godly man.  There’s
a great possibility that the cycle will continue as the child
grows.  It was happening to Dan and he wanted it to stop.  show love to others by following the exam-
He finds help through the local church and through God.
The music in this movie was wonderful.  I think that might have
been my most favorite part.  It was filmed very professionally
(not like a lot of the old “Christian” movies, with little budgets
but a great story).  I think it is a story that many will relate to.
A Song
The Generous Mr. Lovewell
Artist:  MercyMe
Released:  May 2010
This is a CD with a story.  Every song en-
courages the listener to reach out and
ple of “The Generous Mr. Lovewell.” This
CD and the promotion behind it is starting
a revolution of people doing good deeds
and leaving a card, that can be printed off
from the website MercyMe has set up just
for Mr. Lovewell.  It is a fun CD with music
that pops with (as I’ve heard others say)
a bit of the Beatles and Bee Gees mixed
in.  There are also some of the tradition-
al MercyMe  ballads.  I loved them all.  I’ll
be honest….it had me buying lunch for
the person behind me in the drive-thru!

8 © exemplify magazine

A Book
My Heart Remembers, by Kim Vogel Sawyer
“Would you still be havin’ your tie to home?”
My Heart Remembers released in 2008 and re-
ceived many awards, including the ACFW Book
of the Year 2009.  It is the tale of three orphans,
“united by blood, divided by time,” as the back
cover pronounces.  Spanning the years of 1886
to 1903, Kim Vogel Sawyer weaves a tale of
heartbreak, endurance, faith, and reunion with a
sweet love story.
New to America from Ireland, the Gallagher chil-
dren lose their parents in a tenement fire and
soon find themselves in an orphanage.  Mollie
(just a “wee baby”) is separated from Maelle and
Mattie at the orphanage, but Maelle is allowed to
see her every night.  Being confused as a boy,
Maelle is allowed to stay with little Mattie in the
boys section of the orphanage and becomes
known as Michael (one of the toughest “boys” in
the home).
This is the story of the orphan trains that took chil-
dren from New York to Missouri and gave them
to families looking for a child to love and some-
times, a child to work.  Maelle (Mike) tries des-
perately to keep her family together and honor
the last promise she made to her Da, “Take care
o’ the wee ones,” but being only eight years old
herself, she is unable to.  One by one, they are
each taken by separate families.  Maelle gives a
remembrance to each of them, “ties to home,” as
they are taken away.
Seventeen years later, their stories continue.  Maelle
has traveled across the country learning her trade of
photography and capturing images of children working
in mines, on streets, and in the alleys.  Everywhere she
goes, she asks about Mollie and Mattie.  She promises
herself in the spring, she will head back to Missouri and
search some more.
Matt, running from a bad situation, needs work and it
can only be found in Missouri, a place he doesn’t want
to return to.  He’s worried that his mobile lifestyle has
made it difficult for his big sister to keep her promise of
ever finding him.  Thankfully both Maelle and Matt have
discovered the One person who will never leave them. 
Both of them have seen the horrors of child labor and
determine to do what they can to help end it.
Molly is a different story.  Raised with privilege, she nev-
er knew she was an orphan, until her parents die and
her “brother” kicks her to the street.  Now she must find
a way to support herself and travels to Missouri with
promise of a job.
You got it….they are all headed to a reunion that none
of them expect, yet each longs for.
I loved the suspense Kim builds making the reader won-
der when they will meet, knowing that things are in mo-
tion for that reunion.  Just when you think their paths are
going to cross…there’s a bend in the road and the op-
portunity passes.  Maelle just about gives up hope: her
memories have faded and she wonders if her younger
brother and sister even remember at all.
“God knew you would need the education and the fi-
nancial means to provide help to children who need it.” 
Maelle had insisted.  “He had a plan for you…Now see
it through.”
Kim keeps you guessing until the very end how it will
come about.  I wanted more.  I was really hoping that
there were more pages when I closed the book with a
smile and a tear on my face.
 221mag.com

I like clothes.
I play sports.
I have fun with my friends.
I totally text.
I rock out with my iPod.
I flip my camera.
I type faster than my Mom.
More than anything,
I love my Jesus.
I Exemplify.
I am Team 2:21.

if you’re commatose,
here’s the cure
People generally approach grammar and liver the
same way. Either they dive in with gusto or grow
pale, start sweating, and look for the nearest exit.
Okay, perhaps not the most appealing way to
start a column that will feature grammar is-
sues, but food analogies seem to work for me.
(Food works for me, but that’s another story.)
Grammar is not what inspires us to write. To
date, I’ve not heard one writer say, “My use
of adverbial subordinate phrases is almost
as riveting as my flair with pronouns in el-
liptical constructions.” If I did hear that re-
mark, I would hope that s/he writes textbooks.
We write to create meaning, but grammar
shapes meaning. I tell my students that they
wouldn’t spend gobs of money on prom to ar-
rive wearing their cummerbunds around their
necks or their corsages pinned to their hems.
So why write a compelling story without atten-
tion to the details of grammar, mechanics, punc-
tuation, and usage? Maybe you pay someone to
edit your work. This isn’t going to replace any
editor’s task, but if your editor isn’t plowing
through fields of comma splices, maybe more
time could be spent on style or voice or structure.
Commas. Very important. So important that writ-
ers expect to see them on their advance checks.
When they’re missing, watch what happens:
A woman without her man is nothing
Show it to a person of the opposite sex; the re-
sponse may surprise you.
11 © exemplify magazine
Written by Christa Allan
Commas can be pesky, but there are a few tricks
that I can offer. St. Lawrence University Writ-
ing Center is one among a gazillion web sites of-
fering punctuation advice. I just happen to like
that they’re called TEN COMMA-ndments.
Trick #1: FAN BOYS: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so
When you use one of these two join two
complete sentences, use a comma BEFORE
the word. Note: two complete sentences.
My favorite dessert is ice cream,
but I also enjoy cheesecake.
My favorite dessert is ice cream
but not vanilla. (no comma)
Trick #2: BUS WAITS: because, before, un-
til, unless, since, when, where, while, af-
ter, as, if, then, though, since, so that
Generally, subordinate (think: co-depen-
dent) phrases or clauses follow these con-
junctions at the beginning of a sentence:
Because Fred owned the coffee shop, he could
serve himself as many lattes as he wanted.
Now, watch what happens when we place the begin-
ning of the sentence after the independent clause:
Fred could serve himself as many lattes as he want-
ed because he owned the coffee shop. (no comma)
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
>>>
I hope these two tricks served as appetizers.
 Bedraggled?
Written by Chrystie Cole Our Own Sin
Stiff-necked, stubborn, and rebellious – words
I love words. I really love words. Words make
used to describe the Israelites throughout the
me excited. When my husband uses a big
Old Testament. As much as we would like to
word in conversation I find it incredibly sexy.
think those words aren’t fitting to describe
When I learn a new word, I am giddy. When I
us, they are still just as applicable to us to-
find the perfect word to describe something,
day as they were to the Israelites years ago.
I am elated. And so when I thought of the
word bedraggled, well, let”s just say I was
We are sinners. So much so, that we sin against God
simply beside myself. Bedraggled means
in ways we may never know. Yet, there are times we
broken-down, run down, or in a condition of
willfully choose to sin; times when we know better
deterioration. A couple of synonyms for be-
and do it anyway; times when the Spirit has convicted
draggled are tattered, haggard, or thread-
us but we choose to remain in our sin. Wrestling with
bare. Very descriptive words, aren’t they?
our own unrepentant sin quenches the Spirit in us.
Have you ever felt haggard, or tattered, or
David experienced and wrote of this in Psalm 32:3-
threadbare, or bedraggled? Yep, me too! Life
5 NIV, “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away
is difficult. Days are long. Troubles are many.
through my groaning all day long. For day and night
Tasks are infinite. Conflict is inevitable. On
your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was
any given day we may wear the hat of wife,
sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowl-
mother, employee, employer, sibling, friend,
edged my sin to you and did not cover up my in-
daughter, taxi driver, or volunteer. Some
iquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to
days we may wear every single hat, attempt-
the LORD’ and you forgave the guilt of my sin.”
ing to shift gears from one role to the other
with the least amount of turbulence. And
Choosing, condoning, engaging in, denying, ex-
when our knees threaten to buckle under-
plaining, wrestling with our own guilt, and jus-
neath the weight of it all, we might find our-
tifying our sin to others and ourselves requires
selves praying, “Come, Lord Jesus. Come.”
more energy and effort on our part than it does
to confess, turn from our sin, and submit to the
There are the obvious factors that contribute
authority of Christ in our lives. God, in His great
to our physical fatigue, things like work, tak-
grace and mercy, has forgiven us and will nev-
ing care of family, being overcommitted, and
er forsake us, but He will allow us to experience
lack of proper rest. But, what about those
the consequences of our own sinful choices.
things that contribute to our spiritual fatigue?
What are some things that cause our spiri-
Moses knew the Israelites’ propensity to choose
tual well to run dry? Not taking time to rest
sin. In Deuteronomy 30:19-20 ESV, after reminding
quietly in His presence and not taking time to
them of the law the LORD had given them and pre-
fill up through His Word, through fellowship
paring them to enter into the Promised Land, he told
with other believers, through times of wor-
them, “I have set before you life and death, bless-
ship, and through sitting under sound teach-
ing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and
ing are several ways we dry up spiritually. In
your offspring may live, loving the LORD your God,
this article, however, we are going to focus
obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is
on two things that are sure to leave us hag-
your life and length of days.” When we choose sin
gard, tattered, threadbare, and bedraggled:
or when we choose to remain in sin after being con-
our own sin and our own righteousness.
12 © exemplify magazine
victed, we consciously choose death instead of life.
 The Gospel Is The Answer
So what are you choosing – life or death? Do
you have sin in your life that you are holding
onto or are unwilling to turn from? Is there
something God has convicted you of, yet
you are still wrestling with it and not submit-
ting to His will? Take time to go before Him
in prayer and ask Him to soften your heart
and give you a desire to be obedient to Him.
Our Own Righteousness
This one is hard to diagnose because it is often
dressed up as good deeds or trying to live a life
pleasing to God. There is nothing wrong with
good deeds or wanting to please God when
our heart is pure. But sometimes we do all the
“right” things for all the wrong reasons. Seeking
to earn our salvation; seeking to earn God’s fa-
vor or blessings; seeking to elevate ourselves
in the eyes of others; and seeking to bring our-
selves glory through “righteous” actions aren’t
about living a life pleasing to God at all. They
are all about making ourselves look good.
There is something deep within us that de-
sires to know we had something to do with
our own salvation, that we merited it in some
way, that we were worthy of it. So we busy our-
selves with all kinds of spiritual activity trying
to justify ourselves before God, which instead
of bringing us into communion with Christ
leaves us empty, exhausted, and unfulfilled.
In Matthew 11:28-30 NIV, Jesus says, “Come
to me all you who are weary and burdened and
I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and
learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in
heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For
my yoke is easy and my burden is light. “ To
be honest, for years I never quite understood
what Jesus meant by “his yoke is easy and his
burden is light.” I thought exactly the opposite. I
thought it was about following the rules and try-
ing to be a good person. All that striving for my
own righteousness left me spiritually dried up.
13 © exemplify magazine
In his commentary on this passage, Matthew Henry
says we have no need to fear His yoke because His
commandments are holy, just, and good; His yoke is
lined with love; and, “so powerful are the assistances
He gives us, so suitable the encouragements, and so
strong the consolations to be found in the way of duty,
that we may truly say, it is a yoke of pleasantness. The
way of duty is the way of rest.” When we take His yoke
upon us, living in obedience to Him out of love and
gratitude, He empowers, assists, and encourages us.
The good news of the gospel is that we are saved
by grace through faith, not by our own works (Ephe-
sians 2:8-9 NIV). I love how Tim Keller puts it,
“The biggest moral failure, the wickedest person,
the weakest and most helpless person morally on
the earth standing in God’s righteousness is more
beautiful and ravishing to God than the greatest
person standing in his own righteousness.” Does
that not take the weight of the world off your shoul-
ders and cause you to breathe a sigh of relief?!
So, are you striving for your own righteousness or
resting in Christ’s? Is your pursuit of righteousness
more about what others think about you rather than
your love for God and gratitude for what He has done
for you? Repent of your own righteousness; stand
firm in the gospel of grace; preach the gospel to your-
self when tempted to strive for your own righteous-
ness; trust in what Christ has already accomplished
for you and there you will find rest for your weary soul.
Whether we find our well is dry from sin or from re-
lying on our own righteousness, we can take heart
in these verses, “Do you not know? Have you
not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not
grow tired or weary, and his understanding no
one can fathom. He gives strength to the wea-
ry and increases the power of the weak. Even
youths grow tired and weary, and young men
stumble and fall; but those who hope in the
LORD will renew their strength. They will soar
on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow
weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah
40: 28-31 NIV) Now, that’s a promise we can rest in!
13
Written by Tracy J. Knowlton

The 4 Requirements of
Spiritual Endurance

The sower sows the word.

(Mark 4:14, NRSV)
A parable holds the secret of the kingdom of God. These lit-
tle stories, sometimes almost riddles, pack a huge spiritual
punch. They teach us about our light, our debts, our coins,
sheep in general, and the sower’s seed. At least these are the
polite titles they are given to differentiate one from anoth-
er. Really, they teach us how to endure this spiritual life.
The Parable of the Sower is one such polite heading. I appreciate
it more than some other parables, partially because I find it useful
but more practically because Jesus decodes it for us. This decod-
ing occurs because the disciples could no longer hide their misun-
derstanding. I appreciate these twelve. We have much in common.
Seeds fall on four terrains and the results ensue. All
the while, the sower spreads one crop, the Word. He re-
lies on the terrain to accept or reject the seed.
14 © exemplify magazine
 Seed One:
And as he sowed, some seed fell on the
path, and the birds came and ate it up
(Mark 4:4, NRSV).
T r a n s l a t i o n :
These are the ones on the path where the word is sown:
when they hear, Satan immediately comes and takes
away the word that is sown in them (Mark 4:15, NRSV).
Reading these verses, I think of Paul’s explanation of
this common occurrence, “In their case the god of this
world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep
them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of
Christ, who is the image of God (2 Corinthians 4:4, NRSV).
This makes me assess the value of the Word in my
life. Just think what it would be like to have the
word taken away, stolen; yet, throughout this par-
able, the word is the only possession that the en-
emy desires from us. It has tremendous power.
Perhaps it is because the Spirit mysteriously crafts a
lifeline to the Word. Much like an umbilical cord, it
offers the oxygen and nutrients of a spiritual life. My
morning quiet times strengthen my spiritual skill
set. I prepare for the unseen, and allow my sword
to be sharpened for the foe. I need this exercise.
Without doubt, this foe is real. The inclusion of
Seed One in this parable tells the reader this cru-
cial fact. There is something out there wanting to
steal this Word because of its power. This foe is ac-
tive. He is mindful. He is immediate. We need to
absorb these moments in scripture and hold them
in our hearts, where the enemy is unwelcome.
We build an impenetrable heart from time in the Word.
Unfortunately, quiet times can sometimes feel like an-
other task in our day. Because of this, it is crucial to
remember what is happening when we read the Word.
We are being changed into the image of God. It is bigger
than we can imagine and more purposeful. Trust this.
Seed one tells us that spiritual endurance re-
quires a formidable heart, centered in the Word.
15 © exemplify magazine
Seed Two:
Other seed fell on rocky ground, where
it did not have much soil, and it sprang
up quickly, since it had no depth of
soil. And when the sun rose, it was
scorched; and since it had no root, it
withered away (Mark 4:5 & 6, NRSV).
T r a n s l a t i o n :
And these are the ones sown on rocky ground:
when they hear the word, they immediately re-
ceive it with joy. But they have no root, and en-
dure only for a while; then, when trouble or
persecution arises on account of the word, im-
mediately they fall away (Mark 4:16 & 17, NRSV).
I remember when I made a public commitment to min-
istry in high school. I received this calling with joy. I felt
so special that God would give me a specific calling. On
the way home, I talked about the awesomeness of Jesus.
Clear as a bell, I remember my mother turning around
and saying, “Tracy, we are not all on the mountain top.”
Indeed, within only a few years, neither was I. In fact,
I walked away from the church altogether. Moun-
tain top faith is a wonderful, emotional time but it
has to grow the legs to walk back down to the val-
ley. We are no good to God simply hanging out on the
mountain, when those who need Him reside below.
Without those legs, I found myself rolling back
down to the valley, helpless and immobile. I stayed
there too long. One of my greatest weaknesses
was my lack of knowledge. I did not have any-
thing resembling personal study of God’s Word.
This leaves the believer malnourished and feeble.
Throughout my spiritual life, I have found that to
experience the abundance of God we need to bold-
ly explore the depth of God. Find Him in His Word.
Seed two tells us that spiritual endur-
ance requires perseverance and commit-
ment to the Word, not fleeting emotion.
September 2008 magazine 15
 Seed Three:
Other seed fell among thorns, and the
thorns grew up and choked it, and it
yielded no grain (Mark 4:7, NRSV).
T r a n s l a t i o n : NRSV).
And others are those sown among the thorns: these
are the ones who hear the word, but the cares
of the world, and the lure of wealth, and the de-
sire for other things come in and choke the word,
and it yields nothing (Mark 4:18 & 19, NRSV).
Let’s face it. This can happen. Seed three is the easiest cat-
egory under which we fall. This busy Christian woman’s
culture that we forage through each day offers challeng-
es. We battle against the world through programming,
dealing with budgetary constraints, desiring to be like
someone more successful and changing our look to ac-
commodate that. The word that serves as the very breath
of ministry is choked, strangling the life from God’s work.
Individually, we also obstruct it. Much like a road block,
we place our cones labeled family, schedule, budget,
bills, responsibilities, church attendance and expecta-
tions and litter the street that once was used to herald in
the presence of God to our heart. Eventually, there is no
pathway clear enough to allow spiritual breath to pass.
Often, we fill our lives with the “what ifs:”
What if I had a bigger house? Then my life would look better.
What if my husband was a different
man? Then my marriage would be better.
What if I had more hours in my day? The truth
is that we would fill them and remain empty.
Ecclesiastes 6:9, NRSV, “Better is the sight
of the eyes than the wandering of desire;
this also is vanity and a chasing after wind.”
To spiritually endure this life we have to choose what
is before us, and not what is beyond us. Filling our
lives and quiet times with concerns over what might
happen is a fruitless endeavor. It leaves us exhaust-
ed and discouraged. At the end, we have no peace
and are further from trusting the sovereignty of God.
We have to start by choosing what God is offering.
Seed three tells us that spiritual endur-
ance requires a singular focus for our hearts.
16 © exemplify magazine
Seed Four:
Other seed fell into good soil and
brought forth grain, growing up and
increasing and yielding thirty and
sixty and a hundredfold (Mark 4:8,
T r a n s l a t i o n :
And these are the ones sown on the good soil: they
hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirty
and sixty and a hundredfold (Mark 4:20, NRSV).
Gently, the seed falls on the perfect ground and
brings forth perfect grain. Or, is it really so perfect?
You see, I have been all four of these terrain ‘types’.
I have had many spiritual lives in 35 years. It was
not until I engaged my will that I fell on good soil.
I do not say this to boast in myself. Being in
the Word was not a natural practice for me,
but it became a natural pattern. The hours I
have spent in the Word and in prayer are the
decision of one who says, “I believe that You
will show up if I seek You out.” I am hopeful.
This is where God grows us up, and I finally arrived
there after years of devastating failures; but the
power of failure is its direction. It points us back
up to a place of sharpening, persevering, focus,
and growth. It is always the right time to grow up.
Seed four tells us that spiritual endur-
ance requires soil that is ready for the seed.
Because of this, I find that endurance is a per-
fect descriptor of this spiritual life. This po-
litely named parable revealed a sower throw-
ing out seed, but I think it was much more.
 L
“ isten. What do you make of this? A farmer
planted seed. As he scattered the seed, some
of it fell on the road and birds ate it. Some
fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but
didn’t put down roots, so when the sun came
up it withered just as quickly. Some fell in
the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled
among the weeds and nothing came of it. Some
fell on good earth and came up with a
flourish, producing a harvest exceeding
his wildest dreams.”
Mark 4:3-8, The Message

17 magazine may 2010

image credit: microsoft
 Stop Playing
The
Comparison
Written by Christy McGraw

Game

We all play it. Some of us are better than others. At times we play it several times a day and
sometimes we can go a few days or even weeks before we play. The game of comparisons.
Let’s face it. We have all done it.
We see a woman walking toward us holding the hand of a handsome man and the ques-
tion inevitably pops into our head: “What does she have that I don’t have?”
We take a good look and then…comparisons start shouting in our head…
She is prettier. She is skinnier. She is taller. She has better clothes. Her smile is better. The list
goes on and on. At a certain point you realize she has won the game. A game she was not
even aware she was playing. But you were.

The game of comparison is one of the most dangerous games for our spiritual life.

As a single girl one of the hardest things we deal with in our spiritual life is often negative
thoughts. This often comes in the form of comparisons. Comparisons to our friends with boy-
friends or husbands. Comparisons to our friends who have a better job or live in a better apart-
ment or live in a cooler city.

Comparisons are just negative thoughts. Negative thoughts can often occupy a single girl’s
mind more than anything else. The more we entertain negative thoughts the more apt they
are to pop up and the more comfortable we are in thinking that way.

When confronted with what we see as a lack in our life, our relationship with God can be af-
fected. We question Him. Why has He not sent us a boyfriend? Why am I still in my current job
when I deserve a better one? We often take control away from Him because we feel we can
do better. There are several ways you can work to stop the negative thoughts and comparison
game. Each way takes effort and time but if you are ready to stop playing the game they can
work. If you continue the comparison game you are not winning….no one is.
 4 Ways to stop playing the game:
• Change your way of thinking. Putting on your
new mind.1 Corinthians 5:17 tells us, Therefore,
if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the
old has gone, the new has come! I often think
of this verse as the old being the caterpillar and
the new being the butterfly. I wonder if the
butterfly realizes its beauty. Does it know how
special and beautiful it is? We can often get
stuck in the caterpillar state of mind and while
our heart is renewed…our mind stays with the
old thoughts we have long heard: the nega-
tive thoughts.This is a slow process, but it can
work. As a counselor that works with teen girls
one thing I see often is this game….and that
their thoughts are more negative than positive.
Changing your thought process involves hard
work. First you must be aware of your negative
thoughts. If you are really good at the game,
you do not even realize you are doing it. Once
you become aware of the negative thoughts
you can counter them with positive.
The first thing I suggest is countering them
with verses. For example if the thought she
is prettier than me pops into your head you
can counter the thought with 1 Peter 3:3-5a
Your beauty should not come from outward
adornment, such as braided hair and the
wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. In-
stead, it should be that of your inner self, the
unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this
is the way the holy women of the past who
put their hope in God used to make them-
selves beautiful.
Knowing God’s truth of yourself helps you find
the truth of yourself. Over time as you coun-
ter your negative thoughts with positive ones
you are going to start viewing and thinking
of yourself in a more positive way. When you
can counter the negative with the positive
of the Word you can also move on to things
you know about yourself: those positive char-
acteristics you know you have…physically,
emotionally, or mentally.
• Start a positive thought journal. Another
way to keep the positive thoughts go-
ing is to keep a positive journal. Chron-
icle your days but with a positive spin.
Write down the good things you real-
ized, or maybe the good thing you did
for a neighbor. The point is to remem-
ber the positive things of the day and
not the negative. The more you work
at thinking positively the easier it will be-
come.
• Accountability. If you find that the first
two ways do not work you may need
someone to hold you accountable
when your negative thoughts are just
too much. It can be a trusted friend,
family member, mentor, or a counselor.
You need to be able to be open and
honest with this person about how you
are feeling. This person needs to be
available to you on a weekly basis at
least.
• Prayer. This is of course the most impor-
tant of all these steps. Ask for God’s
help. The Word tells us to do everything
in prayer and petition. (Philippians 4:6)
Make it a daily prayer to ask for His help
with the negative thoughts: to over-
come your old mind so that your re-
newed mind may be apparent to you
and those around you. He wants you
to succeed in this just as He wants you
to know who He has made you to be.
Those negative thoughts are holding
you back from the renewed life you so
richly deserve.
Each of these ways could be a stepping
stone for you. You don’t always have to
think negatively about yourself. He has
given us a renewed mind and if we let
Him…and with some work ourselves….we
can all become the beautiful butterflies
we are supposed to be.
Steadfast
Feature Article

In the
I watched her painstakingly build her nest piece by piece. She was so care-
ful that her masterpiece high in the cleft of the branches would be strong.
Satisfied, she settled in to living, leaving precious eggs in the nest’s em-

Storms
brace. When the sky became dark and an angry wind began to sway the
trunk, the blue jay planted herself firmly into the bowl of her home, fit-
ting herself over her clutch. In the flashes of lightning to follow, her small
form could be seen huddled as a shield, curtains of rain washing over her
back. An occasional gust whipped her tail up, threatening to flip her out
as the storm grew long and unrelenting, but the small mother held fast.

When a woman crafts her life as a follower of God, she carefully builds habits
and patterns that shape her strong character. As storms arise, she faces the
challenge of remaining steadfast in the face of formidable pressures, sudden
attacks, and persistent forces. Demands may come from her own life or the out-
side world, swirling all around without warning. Knowing how difficult it can be to
endure, the apostle Paul urged believers in 1 Corinthians 15:58 to be “…stead-
fast, immovable…” and to know their “…toil is not in vain in the Lord.” (NASB)

We who follow God would not invite the onslaught of forces to threaten all we
hold dear, yet there is value in doing battle with storms. James 1:3-4 reveals
that, “…the testing of your faith develops perseverance…” ultimately helping
the one who endures to be “…mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
When we find ourselves facing painful trials from life in a fallen world, we
can be sure it is an opportunity to gain strength. This is true whether chal-
lenges are experienced within our own homes, in our relationships, within
our church, in our work, or out in the world. Storms force us to hang on for
dear life and guard what’s precious. Those who stay firmly planted, nestled
in God’s truth, under a shield of faith in Him, will be called the steadfast.

In addition, even though the mother bird looked so alone in the darkness of the
night’s gale, even she was not unseen or uncared for. Matthew 6 & 10 testify
of God’s awareness and care for the birds of His earth. Therefore, women of
God can be confident He sees and knows when we are tossed by the currents
of life. Before Jesus returned to Heaven, He assured His disciples He would
not leave them, but that He would send a Comforter to guide and help them.
In fact, He wants us to know His grace is “sufficient” for us to the point that His
“…’power is made perfect in weakness.’” (2 Corinthians 12:9) There is not a
storm that can overwhelm the strength of God or cause Him to leave His own.
Even as He calls us to endure, He promises to be with us and empower us.

God promises a reward to those who remain faithful not to abandon their
post in the difficult times. For those who endure the attack, strengthened by
trials, they are given the name “overcomers,” and Revelation chapters 2 and
3 spell out the blessings set aside for them. Ultimately, the wonders of eter-
nity with our Heavenly Father are on the other side of the storms, and God
promises that, “He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be His God
and he will be my son.” (Revelation 21:7) That’s motivation for staying firm!
20 © exemplify magazine
 Meet Julie
7 Ideas for Hanging
On in the Storms Julie is a pastor’s wife, mom, women’s
ministry leader, writer, and Bible teacher
There are some things we can do to who is thankful for God’s grace in her
help us hang on in the storms of life. life through 20 years of marriage and
over two continents she’s called home.
• Memorize a passage of Scripture that reinforces your faith. I She has never gotten to the bottom of her
recently used James 1:2-5. ironing pile, but she loves to teach God’s
• Find a prayer partner to uplift needs together, but be wary of Word and write about how His peace
using prayer time as talk time. covers each day, often finding inspiration
• Set aside time to fast and seek God’s wisdom from His Word. in the kitchen, herb garden, or car line.
Ask a friend to fast with you. Julie enjoys writing Bible curriculum and
• Write down what God shows you in the midst of the trial. Beau- freelance features for magazines like the
tiful things come from pain. P31Woman, the Message Magazine, the
• Use music for meditation and encouragement. Ask the Lord Baptist Bulletin, and a variety of online
for a “theme song” to carry with you. publications like: the Internet Café,
• Call the enemy’s attacks what they are: fear, doubt, discour- Sanctified Together, and Everyday Life.
agement, weariness, loneliness, guilt. Check out Julie’s almost daily blog, www.
• Remind yourself that storms pass and listen to testimonies of comehaveapeace.blogspot.com, and her
those who experienced victory. Marriage Mondays for more encourage-
ment and information.
The mother blue jay endured and the storms turned into
sustained, steady rains. Eventually the winds subsid-
ed and became gentle breezes; the clouds gave way to
warm sun. Morning brought the discovery that the small
clutch of eggs hatched, eagerly waiting to be fed by the
immovable mother who faced the new challenge with
her characteristic faithfulness. No one had to tell her the
toil had not been in vain; the sounds of the next gener-
ation testified of the legacy her endurance preserved.
Storms will come in a woman’s life, shaking her foun-
dations and forcing her to hold tightly to what will not
move. There may be moments when it seems like she
is alone, tempting her to give up, but her Heavenly Fa-
ther promises He will keep His eye on her, His presence
with her, His power around her, and His reward ahead
of her when she overcomes the storms in His strength.

© exemplify magazine
Finding
Written by Kara Cox

I’m no athlete. Never have been really, unless

the
you count that short-lived stint on the girls’ junior
high golf team. I’m dreadfully short on coordina-
tion and grace, severely lacking in speed and agil-
ity, and physical prowess, let‘s not even go there.

Spiritual
Some people have it, but friends, I don’t. So there
is this part of me that just doesn’t get it. This part
of me that has no real concept of physical training,
of working tirelessly toward success, of sacrificing

Athlete
time and physical comfort in order to perform skill-
fully and win.

I watch television shows like The Biggest Loser and

Inside
I marvel at the amount of screaming, sweating,
crying and falling these people do to accomplish
this dream of physical fitness and health. How do
they put up with the grueling demands of Bob and

of
Jillian? How do they stay on those treadmills and
stair steppers for what seems like hours on end?
What drives them to endure? And then I watch the
Olympics and again I marvel at the physical power

Me
and skill in these super-athletes. My mind cannot
fathom the hours, no years, of intense training that
was required to bring them to such an unfathomably
awesome athletic state. Impressive just doesn’t do
these persons justice. They are stunning. And I just
don’t get it. But I think God wants me to. And it’s
not so I can be on a reality show or run my way
to the 2012 Olympics in London. I think He wants
me to understand these athletes because spiritually
speaking, I’m one of them. So are you. Daunting
thought, right?

Consider this: “Do you not know that in a race all

the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in
such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who com-
petes in the games goes into strict training. They do
it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to
get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not
run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like
a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make
it my slave so that after I have preached to others,
I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” 2 Cor-
inthians 9:22-24 NIV.

Image credit: Ivan Philipov | sxc.hu

22 © exemplify magazine
I could read this passage of scripture and rightfully peg the Apostle Paul as a Olympic level
believer. He was in it to win it. He had a crown of glory in his sights and stayed the course. But
if I just marvel at his spiritual prowess, I’m missing the point. Paul was addressing the you and
mes of faith. Just your average Christian. We are called to exemplify this spiritual prowess in
our own lives. Strict training. Eyes on the prize. Running to win. We need spiritual athleticism.
We need endurance to run the race.

I hope you know that this calling on my life utterly intimidates me. Strict training? Not in my
give up my golf career at 14 soul. And spiritually speaking, it makes me a little weak in the
knees too. You don’t have to have read much of the Bible to get the idea that one clear way
endurance comes is through hardships.

Exhibit A: “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering
produces perseverance…” Romans 5:3 NIV.

Exhibit B: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because
you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” James 1:2-3 NIV. I could stop
right there and turn around and close the door on faith. It’s just too hard to have to endure
hardships just to develop the quality that enables me to endure more hardships. That’s what
my flesh says (in case you’re wondering, that’s the same flesh that eats ice cream while watch-
ing The Biggest Loser and carbo loads with lots of spaghetti before watching Michael Phelps
swim at the Olympics. But I digress). But there is more to James 1 than just developing perse-
verance. See verse 4: “Perseverance must finish its work so at you may be mature and com-
plete, not lacking anything.”

A grown up Kara, complete and lacking nothing, doesn’t want to run for the door when hard-
ships, trials and tribulations come her way. Mature Kara counts them all joy. That is the woman
I want to be. Intimidated by the training process as I may be, I want to be mature and com-
plete, not lacking anything.

I am comforted in knowing that this whole strict training, run to win mantra originated with
God, and because it does, He coaches us along the way. “We pray that you’ll have the strength
to stick it out over the long haul- not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-
strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thank-
ing the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that
he has for us,” Colossians 1:11-12 MSG. It is God who makes us strong enough, who gives
us the endurance to fight the fight of faith, to run with endurance the race set before us. This
gives this clumsy, uncoordinated girl great hope. It’s his course after all, his strength and his
reward. What a relief.

Perhaps I am meant to be an athlete after all.

Image credit: Paul Kempin | sxc.hu

23 © exemplify magazine
Written by Brooke McGlothlin

Four Reasons
to Pursue
Being Known

24 © exemplify magazine
 If relationships come and go…
If being human means that we will sin…hurt others…
If loving others means being vulnerable to people
who will hurt me because (like me) they’re sinners…
Then I’m not sure I want any part of it.
I’ve been hurt. I’ve done the hurting. And some-
times I think life would be easier if I just didn’t have
to mess with relationships. Hurting, by definition…
hurts. And I don’t like pain. Why invest in some-
thing that is inevitably going to bring me pain?
A part of me is overwhelmed by the thought of being in
this vulnerable place for the rest of my life. Does it never
end? Do I never get to completely let my guard down?
Many of you ladies know exactly what I’m talking
about. You’ve wondered the same thing: Is it worth it?
The Case for Being Known
God tells us we need each other. He didn’t de-
sign us to go through life alone. But why? Con-
sider these four reasons to keep from wav-
ing the white flag in the battle to be known.
• Relationships make us holy. Deep, true re-
lationship reveals the soul. It creates an en-
vironment where we can begin to see our sin
– like looking into a mirror and seeing all the
ugly for the very first time. Most people run
when they see the ugly…the reality…but those
who stick it out and work through to the other
side find something precious, rare and beau-
tiful; the opportunity to be more than you are.
The soul-knowing brings with it the gift of ex-
hortation, discipleship, growth. It brings one
who cares enough to take the speck out of your
eye after she has taken the log out of her own.
25 © exemplify magazine
• Relationships keep us teachable. There’s
nothing like being truly known by another
person to keep us from getting a big head.
I look pretty good on paper. I can hold my
own in a conversation and even manage to
sound intelligent doing so. But sometimes,
I get caught up in the black and white and
forget to see the gray. Sometimes, I’m so
grounded in the truth that I forget to show
the love. Being soul-known allows others
who love me and love the Lord to speak into
my life and show me blind spots in my faith.
• Relationships keep us humble. There’s
something safe about staying inside…keep-
ing the doors closed and locked so that no
one can see what’s going on in my life. But
throwing wide the doors allows the light of
loving friendship to come in and speak into
the dark places – the places where I need
help, encouragement, instruction, correction.
Being soul-known keeps my life on display
so that God can use others to keep it clean.
• Relationships make us strong. “Where
no oxen are, the trough is clean; but much
increase comes by the strength of an ox.”
(Proverbs 14:4) A life without relationships
is clean. No fighting, no hurting, only me to
worry about. And it’s comfortable – less com-
plicated. But oh, the increase that comes by
the strength of friendships. Knowing, shar-
ing dreams, discipling, encouraging, chal-
lenging, bearing one another’s burdens,
and having someone else to share life with.
Life without relationships may be easi-
er. But is it better? Is it worth it to endure
the heartache for the sake of what can be?
Ease or increase? That is the question.
 Interview by Judith Roberts

10 Questions with
Author CJ Darlingtom

26 © exemplify magazine

C.J. Darlington is the 2008 Christian Writers Guild
Operation First Novel contest winner, and her de-
but novel, Thicker than Blood, is in stores now.
Thicker than Blood introduces readers to Christy
Williams and her sister, May. After a series of events
that leads Christy fearing for her life, she returns
to the sister she left fifteen years ago. C.J.’s second
book, Bound by Guilt, will be released next year.
[When and how did you decide to write
Christian fiction? When is the earliest mem-
ory you have of writing? And what was it?
My earliest stories as a child were often about my
dogs or other animals. When I was around eight I
started what was going to be an epic Biblical sto-
ry about Joshua’s horse. His name was Loopter,
and the story followed the horse from his early
years up until the fall of the Jericho wall. Then
when I was twelve I started another epic, this
time about a Labrador retriever named Moby. I
didn’t finish either story, but I had fun with them!
I once told myself I would never write about hu-
mans. Animals were my thing. But then when
I was a young teenager I got the idea to write a
story about two sisters, and that story became
Thicker than Blood. It was one of those ideas that
wouldn’t leave me alone, and early on I realized
I wanted the plot to not only focus on the exter-
nal lives of sisters May and Christy Williams,
but I also needed to share their spiritual jour-
neys too. This happened organically. I never con-
sciously decided I was going to write Christian
fiction. But I grew up reading it, and I wouldn’t
want to write anything else. Sharing the good
news through fiction is a wonderful privilege.
[You’ve received amazing reviews for your
first novel – and many of them discuss how
you made “real” characters, relatable charac-
ters. How hard — or easy — was it to write a
story with two very realistic, and flawed, women?
27 © exemplify magazine
Those reviews have been such a blessing to read be-
cause I have always wanted to write real. To hear
people say things like that encourages me greatly.
Writing my main character Christy, who’s probably
the more flawed of the two sisters, was actually easier
than writing May, the Christian sister. I think that’s be-
cause Christy is completely different from me in many
ways. I had more freedom to imagine her struggles.
With May, her struggles were closer to what I might
experience — in some ways — so it required a little
more self examination, which is always a challenge!
So many books deal with romantic love, but Thicker
than Blood breaks that mold and focuses on famil-
ial love. What advice would you give single women?
Yes, I agree that many, many books in the CBA deal
with romantic love. I recognize that romance novels
or novels with romance as a strong thread are pop-
ular (and I applaud those who are able to write it),
but I feel that sometimes single women (and men)
are overlooked. It’s implied in most Christian fic-
tion that the only happy ending worth having is
the one where the girl walks down the aisle with
the handsome hero. I would love to see more vari-
ety in CBA novels, more reality along these lines.
My advice for single women is three-fold. First, rec-
ognize that your singleness is indeed a gift. You have
freedom your married friends don’t have. Use it
wisely. Now is the time to look for opportunities the
Lord places in your path to serve Him that perhaps a
married woman wouldn’t be able to follow as easily.
Second, there’s nothing wrong with being single! You
might find, as I have, that as your friends marry off
you feel out of place at gatherings. When they start
talking husbands, babies and homemaking stuff,
it can be awkward to be the odd gal out. Having
a wide circle of friends is a good thing. Try to find
the common ground with married people, and you
might learn how to bake a cake in the process. Ha ha.
Third, remember this . . . Jesus was single! So was
Paul. If the single life were not a good thing, then
surely Jesus would have found a wife and mar-
ried. But He didn’t. He served God as a devoted
single person, and that’s what we can do, too..
Have you finished the sequel to Thicker in Blood? It’s fun to work together! We’re identical twins,
by the way, so it’s easy to be on the same page.
I have! It’s called Bound by Guilt, and it releases in ear- Most of the time. LOL! We certainly have our dif-
ly 2011 from Tyndale House. This book took about five ferences, but we’re always able to work them out.
years from concept to completion, but I wasn’t writing it
full time. I hope to speed up my process for the next story! Do you have any other siblings than Tracy? What
is the age difference between the two of you?
Can you say who the main characters are in Bound by Guilt?
Nope, it’s just the two of us. I think I’m about three min-
Well, first of all, let me say that this is a sequel to Thicker utes older. I like to say she pushed me out into the world!
than Blood in the sense that some of the main charac-
ters from Thicker become minor characters in Bound. What is your own favor-
You will get to spend some time with Christy Wil- ite book or author? Or books and authors?
liams again, but this book does stand alone as well.
You don’t have to read Thicker than Blood to enjoy it. Do you have about an hour? Wow, my list is huge.
The first Christian novels I read were by Frank Peretti,
The main character of Bound by Guilt is a teen- so he’s always been a favorite. Especially This Present
age girl named Roxi Gold who finds herself in some Darkness & Piercing the Darkness. James Scott Bell is
serious trouble involving rare books, among oth- a fantastic author I always enjoy reading. Same for Si-
er things. A supporting character is Abby Daw- bella Giorello. Her novel The Rivers Run Dry is tops
son, sister of bookstore owner Hunter Dawson. on my list.

Do you have any other books planned?

I am currently writing a third book that con-

nects with both Thicker than Blood and
Bound by Guilt in some interesting ways.

How has homeschooling affected your writing?

My parents gave my sister and I a great gift by home-

schooling us. Homeschooling nurtured our creativity
and gave us the confidence we needed to pursue our
dreams. Our parents were — and still are — our biggest
cheerleaders. I think the most important thing home-
schooling taught me was how to teach myself. That’s
huge. And by allowing us to learn at our own pace, we
were able to graduate early, which gave us the freedom
to pursue things like writing a little earlier than some.

You and Tracy started up TitleTrakk.com. How did this

come about? What’s it like working with your sister?
CJ DARLINGTON
Back in 2006 Tracy and I were looking for ways to
combine our interests. She’s always been into mu-
sic, I’ve always been into books. It made sense
to start a website featuring interviews and re-
views of the latest in Christian entertainment.
28 magazine may 2010
 Have you stopped in
today?

29 magazine July 2010

Written by Andrea Mitchell

For What You’re Worth:

Changing Our Minds
About Our Value
30 © exemplify magazine
 Do you know what you are
truly worth?
If someone had asked me that question not
too long ago, my immediate response would
have been “nothing.” I truly believed that I
was worthless.
Worth is defined as value, or the estima-
tion associated with something. Thesaurus.
com lists synonyms of worth such as ben-
efit, class, desirability, importance, signifi-
cance, and usefulness. For many years I
tried to find my worth in what I looked like
and what I did. I thought I was only desir-
able if I weighed a certain amount, dressed
a certain way, and had perfect hair and skin.
I thought my significance was wrapped up
in what kind of house I lived in and where
I shopped – even for groceries. And I be-
lieved that I was really only worth something
if what I did had some semblance of impor-
tance and usefulness – forget about being
a stay-at-home-mom. I wanted to make a
difference!
I spent much time, much energy, and much
money chasing after these things in an ef-
fort to make me feel better about myself. All
I accomplished was gaining twenty pounds,
getting stressed out with my job, and mak-
ing myself generally miserable.
31 © exemplify magazine
Where do we find our worth?
And then one day I started to get it. As long as
I chased these things, I would never be happy. I
would never feel like I was a person of value be-
cause the world’s idea of what makes us valuable
changes all the time. Solomon aptly describes
chasing after the things of this world as “mean-
ingless, a chasing after the wind.” (Ecclesiastes
1:14, NIV)
The years I spent focusing on these things, pri-
marily my weight, were extremely dark times for
me. Finding my worth in the world became an
act of worship. My gods were my body, my sta-
tus, and my significance. The irony is in following
after these false gods, my life actually became
worthless (see 2 Kings 17:5).
God does not want us to chase after the wind.
He wants us to chase after Him. It doesn’t matter
how hard we try, we will never be satisfied trying
to find ourselves in the things of this world. As
believers, we are to find ourselves, or more ac-
curately lose ourselves, in Christ.
“He died for everyone so that those who receive
his new life will no longer live for themselves. In-
stead, they will live for Christ, who died and was
raised for them.” (2 Corinthians 5:15, NLT)
It seems counterintuitive to stop living for our-
selves in order to find our worth. And yet God
has told us again and again in His Word that is
Julu 2010 magazine 31
 “Then you will be able to test and approve what
How do we do stop finding our God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Once our minds are transformed and in line with
worth in the worthless? God’s vision for us, we will be able to distinguish
the truth from the lies. We will no longer believe
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this
that our worth is wrapped up in our appearance, our
world, but be transformed by the renewing of your
status, or our significance.
mind. Then you will be able to test and approve
what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect
will.” (Romans 12:2, NIV)
Instead we will know deep in our
Let’s unpack this a bit.
hearts that our worth is
“Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this
world.” I’ve been going through a study on the book
completely and irrevocably
of Daniel by Beth Moore. In the study, Beth points
out that the one thing that made Daniel stand out
wrapped up in Jesus.
from all of the other exiles was his resolve.[1] Daniel
I truly believe that God longs for His daughters to
resolved to not partake of the king’s table when in-
know beyond doubt that we are loved and valued
vited because he wanted to keep himself separate
by Him beyond measure. And yes, that means you.
from the corruption of Babylon. (see Daniel 1:8)
We have listened to the lies of this world for far too
long – it’s time for our hearts and minds to be trans-
Girlfriend, that is exactly what we need to do. We
formed and renewed!
need to resolve to not partake of the world’s table.
We need to stop focusing on and allowing ourselves
If you are tired of believing the lies of this world, if
to be shaped by the external, fleeting fashions of
you are tired of trying to find your worth in meaning-
this age. Remember Solomon’s conclusions? “Ev-
less things that come and go at the whim of our cul-
erything is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”
ture, I hope you will join me on this journey of dis-
covering our true worth. Over the next few weeks,
“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” I like
take some time to honestly assess where you place
the picture I had when I looked up these phrases in
your worth by asking yourself a few questions:
the Greek, one of renovating. In our first house we
What things or people do I tend to look to for my
had the ugliest and most dated kitchen you could
significance?
possibly imagine. I’m talking the epitome of tacky.
Even the appliances, left there by who knows how
Are there areas of my life that I have been wrongly
many past owners, hearkened back to days better
worshiping, in hopes to find value and importance
left gone in all their avocado green glory.
for myself?
We couldn’t afford to renovate this space, but in my
Do I really believe that God values me?
mind I gave that kitchen the transformation of its
life. It let go of the dated and ugly and joyfully em-
In the coming months, we will explore the different
braced the new. You would never have recognized
areas that we seek our worth in, expose the lies we
it.
believe, and come to a better understanding of who
we are in Christ.
That is what God wants from us. He wants us to be
transformed, to be renovated, by the renewing of
Of what we are worth.
our minds. He wants us to stop trying to find our val-
ue and importance in the old, ugly, avocado green
things of this world and joyfully embrace the new
life He has freely offered us.
[1] Beth Moore, Daniel Lives ofImage
Integrity Words
crediit: of Proph-
Microsoft
32 © exemplify magazine ecy, (Nashville, Lifeway Press, 2006, p.24)
 33 © exemplify magazine
Turbulence Test

Feature Article
34 © exemplify magazine
 Have you noticed how some things happen? The
teacher teaches you new material and then a test
is slapped on the desk and you have to show you
learned what they taught you.
Life is like that teacher. It’ll teach us something and
just when we think we’ve got the concept down pat
and we’re ready to run with it, we’re blindsided with
a test. Hopefully we’ve learned enough to pass the
test, but sometimes it’s enough to drive us crazy.
We don’t want to stop for a test; we want to keep
moving forward, learning and living. But that’s not
how life is, so over time we wise up to it and we’re
prepared, or so we think.
That seems to be when the Turbulence Test hits;
that one is a triple action doozie because it gets
you when you think you’re doing great and making
headway. It tends to body slam you before you have
any idea that it’s even creeping around the corner.
It makes you wish you’d been knocked into tomor-
row simply so you’d be out of its way. There’s no
such luck, though. The test tethers you in the tur-
bulence and pounds away at you, wave after wave
after wave. While the turbulence is still raging all
around you, you lay there, trembling and thinking,
“But Lord, I said I’d do this thing for You! Why is all
this happening? How am I supposed to obey with
this trouble all around me? Don’t You care that I
said I’d obey?”
So often I hear people credit Satan with that kind of
test, but lately I’ve been wondering if that’s a ploy
Satan whispers in our ear to prevent us from learn-
ing all we can, and should, from the Turbulence Test.
Check out the end of Mark 4. Jesus is teaching the
disciples about faith with parables and explaining
everything to them privately. Later that evening He
has them all load into boats to cross to the other
side of the Sea of Galilee. On the way He falls asleep
and sleeps through the storm until the men wake
Him.
35 © exemplify magazine
“…’Teacher, do You not care that we are
perishing?”And He got up and rebuked the wind
and said to the sea, “Hush, be still.” And the wind
died down and it became perfectly calm. And He
said to them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still
have no faith?’” (Mark 4:38-40 NASB)
Ouch. They had seen countless miracles. Jesus
had just been teaching them about faith and they
even called Him Teacher. But when their teacher
set a test in their lives, they bombed out. Big
time. Then they accused Him of not caring.
They aren’t alone in that boat though! I know
I’ve done the same thing countless times; I think
it’s safe to guess that I’m not the only one. But
I’ve taken it one step further. I’ve given Satan
the credit for the test. Yet when I look at things
in light of this passage, I don’t think it was Sa-
tan at all. I think it was my Savior, Jesus, who
was simply testing me on material He taught
me; material I thought I understood and even
thought I was ready to move on to bigger and
better lessons. It’s the testing that solidifies the
teaching, helping us retain the lesson.
Look at Israel. God gave them clear instructions
to destroy the nations that occupied the Prom-
ised Land, but they didn’t. As a result, God used
those very nations to test them. “I also will no
longer drive out before them any of the nations
which Joshua left when he died, in order to test
Israel by them, whether they will keep the way
of the LORD to walk in it as their fathers did, or
not.” (Judges 2:21-22 NASB) God gave each gen-
eration a chance to see if they had finally learned
the consequences of idolatry or not. Repeatedly
they failed the test and ended up oppressed by
their enemies. God used those nations to help
teach them the same lesson over and over again
until they learned it and passed the test.
And don’t forget Job! Check out Job 1 to see who it was that first men-
Life is never dull for Patty
tioned Job’s name in the conversation between God and Satan. It was as she juggles being a wife,
God, not Satan! Not only that, but after the first two chapters, Satan’s a homeschooling mom of five,
name isn’t mentioned at all; but, God is throughout all 42 chapters. Look bookkeeper of their family
business, a Bible study fa-
who Job credits his troubles with in Job 1:21 “…The LORD gave and the cilitator, an online blogging
LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.” (NASB) class teacher, a website man-
ager, and a writer. As long
as she’s obeying God’s lead-
Just as a good teacher tests their students to see if they learned the ing, she figures that sanity
lessons and material or not, so God tests His people. He gives us the op- is a novelty and not a ne-
cessity. Patty clings to the
portunity to demonstrate we’ve taken to heart the lessons He’s taught us promise that God will enable
and that we’ve learned and incorporated them into our lives. her to do what He asks of
her. She writes about Find-
ing the extraordinary God in
Many times, because I thought it was Satan throwing opposition my way, our ordinary lives and weaves
I completely missed what I think God might have been trying to point out lessons she’s learned into
short stories and devotion-
to me through the test. Because I didn’t understand or accept the test als, which are on her blog
was from God, I tried to bulldoze my way through, but there is no bull- Patterings.
dozer big enough nor strong enough to blaze through one of God’s tests.

When we stop giving Satan more credit than he has coming, and give God
the credit, we take our eyes off the deceiver and focus them on God. Keep-
ing our eyes fixed on Christ is a key to enduring.

When a Turbulence Test slams into you out of nowhere, follow the dis-
ciples’ example. Take your eyes off the storm and look straight to Jesus.
He gives grace for the moment so you can stand strong.

36 © exemplify magazine
@exemplify
 Written by Wendy Miller

The Beauty
of “No.”

Image credit: Michal Zacharzewski, SXC

38 magazine may 2010
Christian women tend to shy away from one word. Why is it that we fall
into the trap of believing that no is a foul word? When used as a means
to respect ourselves, our God and our faith, no is a beautiful word and I’m
going to highlight why.

The Obedient No The Wise No

Saying No to Ourselves
God calls us to listen to Him. I’m guilty of
Knowing Your Boundaries
having a dispute with someone and fight-
When you’re unafraid to say no, you dem-
ing the temptation to call everyone and their
onstrate you have boundaries—you are
mother to seek validation. To be affirmed.
essentially saying, “I am calling for you
But there’s a better outlet. It would serve me
to respect me.” I’ve had several friends
so much more to plug into God in prayer. It
share with me how fellow moms have
takes discipline to listen to God’s direction—
taken advantage of them by having them
to go to Him first when we’re feeling vulner-
watch their children for exceeded amounts
able and uncertain. The first no we need to
of time. When my friends divulge this to
master is saying no to ourselves. When we
me I ask them, “Did you tell them no?” I
become skilled at this we can confidently go
listen as they beat around the bush say-
out into the world and practice our no.
ing things like, “Well, I don’t want to be
mean” and “I want to witness to them.”
Leaving the Crowd to Stand Alone
Kindness and witnessing aren’t going to
There will be times when we are faced with
work very well when you’re harboring re-
making a decision that runs against the cur-
sentment because you haven’t learned to
rent. Sometimes it’s not always noticeable,
say no. There really is a time for it.
but other times it might be glaringly obvious.
Not so obvious: the many times I’ve turned
Guarding Your Heart
down solicitations for me to help with school
I hate feeling manipulated. I have a few
functions. Blinking bright red obvious: the
people in my life who could get full time
night in high school when I went out with a
jobs as manipulators. God tells us our
few friends and they got high and I refrained.
heart is the wellspring of life, to guard
It’s good to practice this, good to understand
it. When someone is working us over for
our no counts and can be respected.
their own selfish gain we are well within
our right to practice our no as a response.
Waiting on God
And practice it. And practice it. On the flip
There are times a no is really more of a not
side, we need to be respectful when we
yet. I have a dear friend from college who
are on the receiving end of a no.
longs to be married. She’s been on every
dating website out there but she simply
hasn’t found “the one” yet. I don’t see this as
God telling her she won’t be married. How-
ever, she is demonstrating discernment as
she dates and isn’t about to marry someone
when the timing isn’t right. She says no, but
I’m wondering if maybe as she waits on God
she’ll discover the no is really a not yet.
 The Confident No
Make Your ‘Yes,’ Yes and Your ‘No’, No
James refers to a man looking in the mirror
and moments later walking away not remem-
bering what he looks like. He’s referring to for-
getting Scripture, but I think he’s also making
a point about having an unwavering faith. As
John Mayer sings, “Say What You Need to Say.”
Whether it be yes or no, say it boldly. Say it
knowing you’ve prayed about the most effec-
tive way to communicate it. And when you say
it, you don’t always need to string an apology
with it.
“Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’
‘No’, anything beyond this comes from the
evil one.” Matthew 5:37 (NIV)
Stop the Fish Handshake No
Do you know what I’m talking about? Have you
ever extended your hand when you were intro-
duced to someone and had them extend their
hand only to wonder if you shook the hand of
a dying perch? I’m not suggesting you need
to shake so hard you jiggle the person, but be
alive when you shake someone’s hand. Same
goes for your no. If you emphasize your no
with the vocal inflection of a baby bird, don’t
be surprised if the pushier type continues to
ask and ask and ask.
The Protecting No
Look Out for Your Time
Time is a precious commodity. We need to be
mindful of our days, our hours, and our min-
utes. For this reason, it’s the clever woman
who learns to decline tasks that God isn’t call-
ing her to. It’s not just healthy to do this but it
demonstrates trust in the Lord.
In Luke there are plenty of examples of how
Jesus retreated alone in order to be spiritual-
ly refilled. He models a healthy way of life for
us. Can you imaged how drained he got? How
drained do you get? Are you protecting your
time by only saying yes to high priority tasks?
Or are you slowly letting the life be sucked out
of you by mindless, ineffectual projects?
40 © exemplify magazine
“But Jesus often withdrew to lonely plac-
es and prayed.” Luke 5: 16
Looking Out for Your Character
Have you ever felt like someone was pressur-
ing you into something? A steam iron to your
will perhaps? Don’t flatten out without a fight.
God longs for us to be women of character.
Becoming a woman of character requires us
to say no to bulldozers, bullies and pressure-
cooking faux obligations. If someone is coax-
ing you to do something that will rob you of
your energy, your spiritual grounding or your
convictions, don’t roll over like a dog play-
ing dead and let them rule how you’ll live
your life. God gave you brains. He gave you a
spirit—His Spirit, so it’s essential to be wary
of who you let make decisions for you.
Say this out loud three times: No is a good
word. No is a good word. No is a good word.
It’s time we retrain our thoughts to under-
stand this as such. There really is a time for
everything. And it’s time women learn that
no needs to crawl out from the shadow of
our guts and shine in the sun a little more
often, having flown from our mouths with
confidence.
“There is a time for everything, and a
season for every activity under heaven.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1
 We’re getting ready!
We’re looking for Christmas season articles for our annual
special feature issue.

Some examples of articles we are looking for are:

•How to Decorate on a Budget

•Crafting projects/tutorials
•How to Plan a Christmas Feast & Keep Your Sanity
•Recipes for cookies, desserts, dinner
•Keeping the right focus this holiday season
•Shopping Lists & Tips
•Reflections on the birth of Christ

Articles are welcome to be submitted until October 17th.

Questions on the submission guidelines or on specific themes
can be directed to Karen Lowe
at submissions@exemplifyonline.com.
 Written by Alison Hunt

One Brick
at a Time
In the December 2009 issue of Exemplify I wrote this vision that God
gave me about the state of my heart and life:

“What I saw was a princess imprisoned in a tiny brick cell with no door
to get in or out. In one corner is a pile of brick and mortar. In another
corner is a stack of books filled with her secret desires and hopes.
She never writes anymore though. Her ink well dried up years ago.
In another corner is a tall standing mirror caked in dust and grime.
She is beautiful, but there is no radiance in her tear stained cheeks
because she has not seen the sun in a very long time. She can’t re-
member how she got inside, but she knows she wants to get out. As
she walks the border of her room, she beats the walls looking for a
weak point to escape. Every day she walks her room and each night
she draws the same conclusion that whoever built these walls spent
a lot of time making sure they would never come down. At the end of
the vision she went to her mirror, wiped some of the grime away, and
I saw my face.
42 © exemplify magazine
Image credit: Michal Zacharzewski, SXC
God showed me that in my anxiety and self-protection, I made a few outward steps by joining a women’s Bi-
I built myself a room with no visible escape. But what I ble study at my church. I researched all of the options,
saw next gave me hope. It was a picture of me stand- and chose the one led by a woman I had been want-
ing in the middle of that very same room, arms held ing to get to know. I also decided to join a life group
high with my books in my hands and the walls were group, aka Sunday school. When I set this goal, a
crumbled to the ground.” new 20-somethings coed life group was starting. This
suited my introverted ways because I didn’t have to
Since then it has been my mission to bring down the jump into an already formed group. Perfect!
walls I so expertly built around my life. The first area
where I got real honest real quick was with this very
column, In First Person. So far it’s been an amazing For the first few months I was so excited about the
challenge to not hide my heart. Last month’s column strides I’d made to step out, and I expected these
was an especially honest look into my life. Somehow new friends to call me to spend time together. I mean,
it’s easier to bear my soul to the world wide web than to I put myself in their proximity, so why wouldn’t they
the people in my life. call? Right? Wrong. I prayed and told God I had done
my part by joining these groups and asked why I was
Another aspect of life that God has challenged me is in not getting the expected results. {Pride, party of one!}
making friends. The girl in that vision was alone. I do
not want to spend my days alone, but I will remain that Don’t you just love when you pray and tell God about
way if I continue in the same patterns. your frustrated expectations, you then have that “ah-
ha” moment and your stupidity is revealed? Yeah. It
“Hello, my name is Alison and I am an introvert. I prefer was one of those times. What I realized was that my
reading a book over going to a party and every day I pride was only letting me go so far. I had the wrong at-
need time by myself to recharge my energy.” I own this titude about friendship. I defaulted to the insecure be-
part of my personality now, but it used to be my excuse lief that if someone wanted to be my friend, then they
for living behind my walls. would be my friend. When I was given insight to my
pride, it stung, and my spirit needed to be adjusted.
It was easy to make friends through childhood and into
college. A lot of those friendships began through prox- In that vision there were books filled with my hidden
imity and then grew into something more meaningful. It desires. One of those desires is to be known. Ful-
did not take much intention to find a best friend in those ly known. How can I do that if I do not make myself
days. Now, as a very single woman in my late twenties, known and do not get to know the people in my life?
it’s more difficult to make friends. It requires more inten- I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I am
tion and openness because they haven’t been around hard to get to know. It’s just because I’m afraid of re-
for the last 28 years. I found this to be especially true jection {like every other human on the planet}.
when I moved to NE Florida 3 years ago. I had one
friend from high school who was in the area. She soon Now that my desire and fear are out here for all inter-
moved with her husband for his job, and I found myself net world to see, I can do nothing but move forward
without a group of local friends. into the scary unknown of asking someone to be my
friend, of asking a current friend to go deeper in our
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; relationship, and of asking friends to help me break
knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone down my walls.
who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who
knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7: 7-8 (NIV) As I grab my desires in one hand and my fear in the
other, I hold them as an offering to the Lord, and I can
For those first two years I was pretty starved for fellow- feel my walls coming down. Even if it is one brick at
ship, but I convinced myself that I really really liked all a time.
the extra time I had to myself. When I realized that I
was sorely off balance and using my personal fortress “Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road
as an excuse, I knew God was challenging me again. I for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me,
needed to take some responsibility for the relationships for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put
in my life. my hope in you.” Psalm 25: 4-5 (NLT)
 In Training
(with a recipe!)

Written by Holly Smith

Image Credit: Crockers, SXC

44 © exemplify magazine
I like to run…no really, I LOVE to run.
But it’s been years since I have been in• Decide you want to run this spiritual race to win it.
a daily habit of running. Though never “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your
what you would call a sporty girl, I played work will be rewarded.” 2 Chronicles 15:7 It’s worth
volleyball, tennis, ran and danced from el- every single speck of trouble you face today to take ev-
ementary school through college. Often, I ery bit of it and let the Lord redeem it –counting coup
would be voted most-improved player. I on the enemy of your soul.
may not have been the best, but I kept on• Prepare and practice with focus on both the short term
trying. goals and the final goal. “Let us not become weary in
doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a har-
Fast-forward nineteen years, and you vest if we do not give up.” Galations 6:9 When we grow
have a mom of four with weight to lose
weary, we have a Savior, who tells us to cast all our
and exercising to do. Sports are a things of
the past, it would seem. Every time I have
cares on Him and who reminds us to COME to HIM.
wanted to give up exercising and trying He will give us rest. In the middle of the race, we get
to lose weight, a friend would come along- tired and we need God’s adrenaline to press on in the
side and spur me on in the race–”Don’t journey.
give up,” she would say. “You can do it!” • Get the supplies you need to run the race each day. “I
give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in
This happened to me just a few months season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encour-
ago… age—with great patience and careful instruction.” 2
Timothy 4:1b-2 It goes on to warn that a time is coming
My friend Diane is an Army chaplain with when sound doctrine will not be accepted and every-
wisdom and insight beyond her years. She one will do what seems best to them. That sounds like
and her husband came over for dinner one
today, doesn’t it? We need to know His Word and we
night, and the conversation turned to run-
ning a half marathon at Disney World in
need to stand up in faith, teaching our children truth.
January 2011. I laughed, because other A little watering down of His Word will be our down-
situations have pointed me to return to fall. So the supplies to run our race are VITAL.
running over the past two years–I am• Stretch before and after each run–pepper each day
slow to get it sometimes. I told Diane, if with a prayer of surrender to God. “Evening, morning
God provided the money and if I could do and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice.”
the work, I would go with her. Psalm 55:17 Intersperse each day with praise, thanks-
giving and confession–even and especially if you do not
So I began training and preparing. Hon- feel like it.
estly, it has been slow-going. For a time, I• Invite a friend to hold you accountable–to run the race
stopped running to just exercise. My jus- alongside you. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by
tification was that I needed to throw off
such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every-
some pounds to run well and not injure
my knees. (That was a total excuse.) Yet,
thing that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles,
I have lost 50 pounds since last October and let us run with perseverance the race marked out
and am training each day for the goal. for us.” Hebrews 12:1 These friends are among your
cloud of witnesses and their lives will be marked by
Will I go to Disney in January? I do not your example of endurance in Christ Jesus.
know, but I will do my best to follow• Decide to press on beyond, past and through the ob-
through and make the goal. I am prac- stacles that you will surely meet. “Though I walk in
ticing, focused on short-term goals, eat- the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; You stretch
ing properly, drinking plenty of water, out Your hand against the anger of my foes. The LORD
stretching and asking friends to keep me will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O LORD en-
accountable. My goal is to finish the race. dures forever–do not abandon the works of your hands.”
With the right tools and God’s help, I can
most certainly do it!
 1. Make your soffrito
The Lord has a spiritual track just for you. So
don’t give up. Come just as you are–no need to
Soffrito, roughly translated as “softly
throw off pounds before you run it–your knees
fried”, is the fried diced aromatics that are
can take the strain of bending daily to His
the base of the dish, in this case the onions,
will. Jesus promises to bear the weight of the
celery and carrots.
burdens. If you are willing to press on through
the hard times and simply seek Him, He will
Heat the olive oil in a large, heavy based
fulfill the purposes He has for your life. Faith-
pot, then add the diced vegetables and stir
fulness will mark the race you are running:
over high heat for 5 minutes until they are
for an inheritance–legacy really–to those who
soft but not browned.
run the race behind you.
2. Add the meats
In anticipating your need for energy, I am
posting a loaded-with-protein-and-carbs reci-
Add the pancetta to the soffrito, allowing
pe that will give you all the energy you need
it to release some of its fats, then add the
to train–plus an added bonus of inviting your
chicken livers and brown. Mash the chick-
cloud-of-witness friends to enjoy an authentic
en livers with a fork as they cook to help
Italian sauce that you slaved over all day just
them blend into the sauce.
for them! I made it for our family and it was
very good!
Season the chuck steak with salt and pep-
per, and add. Make sure the meat is at
Ragù alla Bolognesa room temperature to allow it to sear and
(from Colette Haydon John) not stew when it hits the pan. Brown the
meat, stirring occasionally to prevent the
4 oz. olive oil vegetables from sticking. Add the pinch of
1 large onion, finely diced nutmeg.
6 celery stalks, finely diced
4 carrots, peeled and finely diced 3. Add the wine
4 oz. thinly sliced pancetta, roughly chopped
2 chicken livers, finely chopped Add the white wine and let it bubble up
1.5 lb ground chuck steak, brought to room until it has almost evaporated.
temperature
3 t. salt 4. Add the stock
1/4 t. freshly ground black pepper
1/8 t. ground nutmeg Add the heated stock a cup at a time, al-
1 c. dry white wine (I used Chardonnay) lowing each cup to evaporate and enrich
3 c. chicken stock, heated the sauce before adding the next. This is
2 (13oz) cans Italian peeled tomatoes, chopped much like the process of making a risotto
with their juice and will give you a truly voluptuous sauce.
4 oz. marscarpone
2 lbs. linguine, prepared before serving acc. 5. Add the tomatoes
to directions w/ 3 t. salt
1/4 c. freshly grated Parmesan cheese Pour in the tomatoes with their juice, bring
the whole pot to a boil then reduce to a low
simmer and allow to gently bubble, uncov-
ered, for 3 hours, stirring occasionally.
46 © exemplify magazine
6. Add the cream

Stir in the cream or marscapone in the last 5 min-

utes. Give it a good stir and taste the sauce to see
if it needs more seasoning.
To serve

The people of Bologna traditionally serve their ragu with homemade

fresh egg pasta, usually tagliatelle or pappardelle, but a ribbon or
short dried pasta is also perfectly suitable, but never spaghetti which is
too thin to hold the chunky sauce.

Cook your pasta in plenty of salted water. If you are using dried pasta,
ensure you cook it to ‘al dente’ and no further.

Heat a serving dish. Drain the pasta and turn into the dish. Add the
sauce and mix well. Serve with freshly grated Parmigiano Reggiano
(Parmesan Cheese).

Enjoy!

47 © exemplify magazine
 Askesis…
(That's Greek
for Discipline)

Written by Lori Macmath

48 magazine

Beep….beep.…beep….
My drowsy arm hits the alarm off. As I lace my
sneakers for my morning walk I wonder how
marathon runners and decathletes do it. I head
out for a walk that takes me up demanding hills
and tries the muscles in my legs and hips. It is
a daily act that requires discipline and commit-
ment. This discipline and commitment guaran-
tee that endurance becomes mine.
This daily physical act beautifully parallels the
spiritual journey of life.
There’s no two ways about it: life is a race. It
always has been; and remains today a race
that requires endurance. Just as the Apostle
Paul reminded the Hebrews centuries ago, he
reminds us post-modern race runners:
“Let us also lay aside every weight and sin
that clings so closely and let us run with
perseverance the race set before us, look-
ing to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of
our faith…Discipline always seems painful
at the time, but later it yields the peaceful
fruit of righteousness to those who have
been trained by it. Therefore lift your droop-
ing hands and strengthen your weak knees
and make straight the paths for your feet,
so that what is lame may not be put out of
joint, but rather be healed. (Hebrews 12:
1-2, 12: 2 – 13 ,NRSV)
49 © exemplify magazine Image credit: Billy Alexander | sxc.hu
Discipline for many of us is an “ugly” word. In
any language, askesis (Greek for discipline)
exhausts us. Askesis asks that we stop short
of gluttonously devouring that entire package
of cookies and it’s the same discipline that
we need to curb our spending habits. Disci-
pline is necessary to an obedient existence.
It’s the word that can bring out our best pre-
teen angst. “Ugh, discipline!” However, as ev-
ery well trained athlete knows, discipline is the
key, the essential component to endurance.
Third century Christians knew askesis and
they knew it well. It was understood that disci-
pline and a holy life went hand in hand. These
early Christians would gather from all walks of
life to “train in godliness.” Culturally they un-
derstood that an athlete was not worthy of the
crown prize until he could compete according
to the rules. These early Christians knew that
the only way to LIVE the Scripture was to be
disciplined, and that was going to require com-
mitment and work.
• 1 Timothy 4:7: Have nothing to do with god-
less myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train
yourself to be godly. (NIV)
• Philippians 3:8: Yes, everything else is
worthless when compared with the infinite
value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For
his sake I have discarded everything else,
counting it all as garbage, so that I could
gain Christ (NLT)
• Hebrews 12:1: Therefore, since we are sur-
rounded by such a great cloud of witness-
es, let us throw off everything that hinders
and the sin that so easily entangles, and let
us run with perseverance the race marked
out for us. (NIV)
• 2 Timothy 2:5: Similarly, if anyone competes
as an athlete, he does not receive the vic-
tor’s crown unless he competes according
to the rules. (NIV)
 Spiritual strength and stamina mimic physical
strength and stamina in that they both require
discipline (askesis) in order for the goal to be
achieved. It’s no coincidence that these early
Christians were aptly nicknamed, “Athletes of
God.”
Would you call yourself an “Athlete of God?”
In order to progress on a path toward holi-
ness, we must embrace the discipline re-
quired for spiritual endurance. The race will
present itself with obstacles, and without dis-
cipline endurance will elude even the most
confident disciple.
It may be necessary that we shift our way of
thinking as we look to spiritual disciplines. It
may be that just the thought of “discipline”
exhausts you and adding another action item
into the day’s agenda is simply not an option.
Be encouraged! Spiritual discipline is NOT
simply another “to do” item. Discipline isn’t
something we need to avoid, but rather em-
brace. Spiritual disciplines are our tickets out
of the stressed out, cluttered, exhausted lives
we lead and into a land where freedom and
endurance lie.
“Notice, first that discipline doesn’t add to
our encumbrances; it extricates us from
them. Through discipline, we ‘lay aside every
weight,’ which leads to freedom.
Second, discipline doesn’t wear us out. In-
stead it strengthens the parts that are ‘droop-
ing’ and heals the parts that are ‘lame.’ Disci-
pline builds fortitude.
Third, discipline doesn’t dissipate or distract
us. Instead, it directs us and presses us to-
ward ‘Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our
faith.’ Discipline gives us focus.
So though discipline may at first be ‘painful
rather than pleasant,’ ultimately it rewards us
with these three qualities: freedom, fortitude
and focus.
Paul Thigpen, Soul Building, Discipleship
Journal, September/October 2004
50 magazine © exemplify magazine
With spiritual endurance as our goal, embrac-
ing the disciplines will energize us, and who
among us doesn’t long to be energized?
As Paul Thigpen notes, “If we think of the
disciplines as spiritual food, then we should
view them as a menu, not a recipe. We must
choose from the menu according to our pres-
ent spiritual hunger rather than stir them all
together in one big casserole.” (DJ, Sept/Oct
2004, emphasis mine)
This month, let’s have a seat in the Spiritual
Discipline Diner, where the menu varies, but
for centuries has included:
• Bible Study
• Meditation/Stillness
• Abstinence/Fasting
• Spiritual Reading
• Prayer
• Stewardship
• Spiritual Service through Spiritual Gifts
We must remember that none of these dis-
ciplines can be achieved by us alone. Alone
we are vulnerable to the attacks of the enemy
who will meet us at every corner to discour-
age our journey toward spiritual endurance.
Don’t let “spiritual blisters” stop you from run-
ning this race! It’s in the disciplines that en-
durance emerges. We continue to be encour-
aged by those ancient Christians. Should we
find ourselves discouraged, be reminded that
those early Christians would often choose a
discipline for the year to focus on. At the end
of each year, had they mastered it, they would
move on to another. This is not a fast-food
joint. This is truly a “sit down” meal. Disci-
pline’s a journey. Take a seat, choose off the
menu, enjoy the meal that will place you on
the path toward spiritual endurance and have
your moving toward holiness.
 This month we’ll continue our movement toward
holiness as we examine how putting into practice
spiritual disciplines can move us into
holy endurance.

Join me at the
Spiritual Discipline Diner
as we journey this month
toward holiness through
Spiritual Disciplines.

A DOWNLOADABLE PDF
CAN BE FOUND HERE.
Feature Article

You Gotta

friend in Me

© exemplify magazine
 q
“As soon as he had finished speaking to
Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to
the soul of David, and Jonathan loved
him as his own soul.” 1 Samuel 18:1 ESV
When I was younger, I moved to three differ-
ent high schools in four years. I moved from
small town rural Kentucky to big city life in
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. After a few years of
culture shock, I finally started to see the need
to have some real friends in my life. Then I
became a young mom and really sought out
other women in my life that understood the
season I was in with small children. Now, my
boys are teenagers and things have changed
yet again. I am enjoying a new season of my
life as a woman, mom, and child of God.
I’m almost thirty nine years old (first and
last time) and have learned along the bumpy
road of life that we gotta have girlfriends
on this crazy journey with us. There’s not
a one size fits all option on friendship and,
to be quite honest, I think we need lots of
different kinds of friends to fit all the many
complex moods that we women have.
For me, I have several different wom-
en in my life. I’ll call them the sev-
en S-Girls. They are the following:
53 © exemplify magazine
• The Sappy Girl ~ the friend who
will cry with you for any reason,
any time of the day. She can sympa-
thize like no other and she’s the one
you call when you need a good cry.
• The Silly Girl ~ the friend who likes
to have fun. She makes you feel
young, free, and happy. She radi-
ates joy in everything she does.
• The Smart Girl ~ the friend you
call when you need things to make
sense. She’s smart and more than
willing to help you think things
through systematically and carefully.
• The Sassy Girl ~ the friend that is not afraid
of anything. She makes you feel brave
and strong. She is woman; hear her roar.
• The Speak the Truth in Love Girl ~
the friend you can count on to help
guide you to do the right thing. She
is grounded in her faith in Jesus and
she is the one you can go to when you
are struggling with a matter of faith.
• The Stylish Girl ~ the friend who is always
all put together. She’s got style, class, and
the accessories that everyone drools over.
• The Sporty Girl ~ the friend who is already
ready for a good workout. She’s the one
who pushes you off the couch and into the
gym even when you don’t “feel like it.”
These girls may be different for you
than they are for me; but to be quite hon-
est, I couldn’t imagine my life without
them. They challenge me, encourage
me, bless me, and stretch me. To tell you
the truth, they make me a better person.
If you’ve walked on this earth for any
time at all, then chances are you have
been hurt, burned, battered, and bruised
by your friends. The reality is that no one
is perfect, not even one. (Romans 3:10) So
we have to put ourselves back out there
again and again in hopes that we learn a
little something along the way and walk
away with a handful of friends that love,
cherish, and appreciate us for who we are.
So when you ask yourself if you want to put
yourself out there again, take a few minutes
to read through these verses and you’ll see a
few reasons that you gotta have girlfriends:
• Life is too hard to walk it alone. (Ecclesi-
astes 4:12) You need friends.
• There is power in the prayers of your
friends. (Matthew 18:20)
• In the Bible it talks about friends/friend-
ship over a hundred times, which means
it is very important. Below is a list of
how many times this topic is mentioned
in various translations:
• TM (The Message) 423 times
• ESV (English Standard Version) 110
times
• NLT (New Living Translation) 218
times
• NIV (New International Version)
172 times
• Let’s go to the ultimate example, Jesus.
Even He didn’t do life alone; He traveled
with twelve disciples (friends).
© exemplify magazine
I don’t know where you are in your life right
now or if you even have any girlfriends
around you, but I do know this…you and
I weren’t meant to go on this journey alone.
We need our relationship with Jesus. Yes,
we have our family relationships; but ladies,
hear me on this…you gotta have girlfriends
in your life to even out the hard edges.
Before we take one more step catch this: your
girlfriends can not take the place in your life
of your husband, kids, family, or God. As a
matter of fact, they (your girlfriends) fall be-
low those other relationships. They are not
to take the place of those relationships but
simply supplement who you are as a person.
Right now I am specifically talking to the
ladies who are struggling to find time for
their friends and also those who are look-
ing to make new friends. I recently asked
these questions on Facebook: “When
looking for a friend, what qualities do
you look for? How important are your
friends in your life?” Here’s what I found
that people are looking for in a friend.
• Respect
• Real/Authentic
• Fun
• Trustworthy/Dependable
• Speak the Truth in Love/Honest
• Accountability
• God Centered
• Sincere/Humble
I also had a couple of really great quotes on
Facebook about friends. Kelly Lininger said,
“A friend is someone who knows all your
faults and loves you any way.” Lizherly
Balta said, “To me a friend is someone that’s
there for you in good times and bad times.”
Another mentioned that you don’t go look-
ing for a good friend, you stumble upon
them. That is why we need to get out there;
go to the book store, coffee shops, PTA meet-
ings, Women’s Groups, church, Praise &
Coffee Nights, etc. The point is that we have
to be willing to be a friend to have a friend.
We’ve considered the importance of friend-
ships, the role they play in our lives, what
people are looking for in a friend, and even
how to meet new friends. The last thing to
do (which is the most important) is to pray
and ask God to bring these women into your
life. So let’s pray.
Meet:Melissa Mashburn
I’m a woman who is passionately purs-
ing God every day by taking my every-
day, ordinary life and placing it as an
offering to Him. I live by Romans 12:2
(do not conform to the pattern of this
world…) and consider it pure JOY to be a
daughter of the King, wife, mom, writer,
speaker and Pastor’s wife. I write in my
own world, Mel’s World, about the very
things that drive me closer to Him. I’m
married to Matt, my best friend, for 16
(almost 17) years and have two very
handsome and amazing teenage sons,
Nick & Bailey. You can find me in Mel’s
World at http://www.MelissaMashburn.
com or on Twitter at @Mels_World.

Father God, thank You so much that You made

us women so wonderfully complex. Father, You
know that we have a need for other women in
our life to laugh with, cry with, get silly with,
get real with, and more importantly grow closer
to You with. Open our eyes to see the women
that we should have in our lives. Father, if we
have already been blessed with incredible friends,
let us not forget to shower them with our love
and appreciation. And if we have not yet met
the right group of friends, then Father show us
where to go to meet them. Father, You are our
first and favorite friend. Thank You for that. In
Jesus Name, Amen.

55 © exemplify magazine
 Written by Alene Snodgrass

Three
Necessities
for Your
Empty Nest’s
Revolving Door

© exemplify magazine
 Don’t those phone calls that come in the middle of the night startle you? You im-
mediately start thinking, “Where are my children? Who is hurt? Has someone had
an accident?” Your heart beats faster and faster and it seems to take forever to
get to the phone.

It was a phone call like that that made me realize I have no idea about how this
“empty nester” season is supposed to work. In my mind I envisioned myself, the
momma bird, stretching and training her little chick-a-dees to fly, then encourag-
ing them onward as they took that leap of faith and flew from the nest. I figured
I’d be on my knees praying for their safety and discernment in life’s decisions,
but I never expected the phone call.

When I answered that midnight call, a small voice said, “Mom, can I move back
home?”

Thinking of that call still brings tears to my eyes. You see, this kid was the one
who loved being at home, but was so ready to stretch his wings and fly. Fly he
did . . . college, two part time jobs, and he paid mostly for his apartment with
a roommate. He moved out of our home because he wanted to soar to his own
beat and groove. In other words, he was ready to bust loose from the rules of
our nest!

And that’s how our midnight conversation went that night, “Sure, we’d love to
have you move back home, but you really need to think about why you moved
out. You didn’t want to follow the rules of our house any longer. Remember?”
As we visited to my astonishment he says, “Mom, I’m living by your rules at my
own place. I’m good with those rules. Seriously!”

My heart skipped a beat. WOW, he was living by our rules. I couldn’t believe the
wisdom this 20 year old had to realize there needed to be boundaries in life to
help you grow and succeed. Maybe I was getting to witness God’s promise early
in life with this kid. “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he
will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6 NIV)

My heart skipped another beat as my mind thought . . . what am I thinking? Does

this house have a revolving door?

As I’m learning how to navigate this nest, in yet another season, I’m finding new
worms and truths along the way. Through this incident God has revealed to me
that it is necessary in this season of life that I:

1) be flexible,
2) be patient and
3) be welcoming
57 © exemplify magazine
 1. Be Flexible
When my son called at midnight, I could
have ruffled my feathers and been upset that
my nest was going to get rearranged AGAIN.
However, that would have done neither of
us any good. It was staying calm, flexible,
and prayerful that made the transition posi-
tively a great one. In talking to many empty
nesters, I’ve realized that most children that
leave home will in fact move back in for a
season.
I think some of us get ruffled by this because
we’ve seen those momma bird movies. You
know the ones where the momma bird exer-
cises and trains her little ones for flight, she
nudges them to the side of the nest and they
jump and soar. Those little birdies don’t re-
turn to the nest.
Well, our nest might become empty eventu-
ally like a momma bird’s, but our children do
return to the nest. Our children return for
many different reasons. Just like the saying,
“A momma’s work is never done,” so it is our
job to stay flexible in encouraging them into
this new season of life.
You have to love King Solomon for reminding
us that “There is a time for everything, and a
season for every activity under heaven.” (Ec-
clesiastes 3:1 NIV) Momma birds, we need
to remember not only are we entering a new
season – so are our children!
© exemplify magazine
2. Be Patient
I’ll admit this can be hard. We, momma
birds, are sitting in the nest watching our
children perch on the edge stretching their
wings ready to fly and we don’t know what
to think. Part of us wants to yank them back
in because we’re afraid they aren’t ready for
the big, bad world of adulthood. Another part
of us can’t envision a nest free of chick-a-
dees. And yet the other part of us wants to
push them out because we sense a change
of season is coming in our own lives and we
can’t help but wonder what it will be like. Will
we survive or thrive?
No matter what thoughts roll through our
minds, as moms, it’s our God-given priority
to be patient and discerning. I don’t mean
patience in a sense of letting our young
adults run over us or our household, but a
patience that loves them unconditionally as
they breakthrough to adulthood.
Having a spirit of patience with my son, I
eventually came to know the reason why he
wanted to move home. More than anything
he wanted to be done with school, so that he
could be working and living on his own. But
the experience that drove the timing of this
decision was the need to get away from a
roommate whose choices were those that my
son knew could ruin his Christian character
by association.
Patience! I just have to say, “Urgh!” Helping
our children become adults doesn’t happen
at the snap of a finger. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Yet, it is a season of practicing and calling on
the patience God offers through the fruit of
His spirit. It’s all about love. “Love is patient,
love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps
no record of wrongs.” (1 Cor. 13:4-5 NIV)
 3. Be Welcoming
I realize that your journey to becoming an empty nester will have
different challenges and blessings along the way than mine. We
can also find a great Biblical example of how our children’s jour-
neys will also be different one from another in Luke 15:11-31.
I challenge you to read the story. It’s the parable of the prodigal
son. You’ll notice the difference in the two son’s personalities.
You’ll also read that the father was flexible, patient, and wel-
coming, “’My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and
everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad,
because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was
lost and is found.’” (Luke 15:31 NIV)

Even though the sons didn’t understand each other, the father
knew what was most important – the lost son was found. While
some of our children may not be “lost”, I think they feel lost as
they leap from the nest. They wonder what the purpose of life is,
what they are supposed to do, how can they afford to live, and
if they will actually survive. Not to mention their thoughts of col-
lege grades, careers, and finding a mate.

As momma birds, we are in charge of our nest, even when the

young birds have flown the coop. Our job doesn’t end then; that’s
the time when we are to welcome them into our lives, our hearts,
and our prayers even more.

Who ever thought becoming an empty nester could be such a

challenge? When you think of it logically it seems as if our job
should get easier, but it doesn’t. As we are flexible, patient, and
welcoming, momma birds, we’ll find our new place in the nest as
our children are given the opportunity to become adults in a lov-
ing and grace-filled atmosphere.

If you are an empty nester, becoming an empty nester

or an empty nester with a revolving door, know that
this season of life is just as great and important as
all the others you have already experienced. This is
a season when you truly can help form your child’s
adulthood as they witness your flexibility, patience,
and welcoming spirit. I’d love for you to stop by my
blog, Ordinary is Amazing, for a visit and let’s make
this journey together.

Yes, sometimes becoming an empty nester does involve a revolv-

ing door!

59 © exemplify magazine
 A
Purposed
Race
Written by Jenifer Jernigan

60 © exemplify magazine
Jesus had a purpose…
• to make the lame walk.
• to give sight to the blind.
• to raise the dead.
• to free the captive.
• to bind up the brokenhearted.
• to heal the wounded.
• to save the lost.
• to make His Father’s Name famous.
And, His Father had a plan…
Jesus would leave His place at the right-hand
of the Father in heaven and make His entrance
into our sin-sickened world as a babe wrapped
in swaddling clothes (John 1:1; Luke 2:7). He
would be raised by two persons whom God had
hand-picked to be His earthly parents, who
would be little more than babes themselves
(Luke 1:30-33; Matthew 1:18-25). Knowing
and understanding the mission for His brief time
on earth, Jesus would, early on, be about His
Father’s business in the temple (Matthew 2:42
& 49). He would grow in wisdom and knowl-
edge as a young man, having added to His di-
vine attributes a human nature (Luke 2:52).
Jesus would call twelve men to follow after
Him. Ordinary men made extraordinary by the
hand of God. Men who would be sent out “to
preach and (who would) have the power to
heal sicknesses and cast out demons” (Mark
1:17; Mark 3:13-19). Jesus would teach them,
firsthand, what it meant to “love the Lord your
God with all your heart, soul, and mind” and
to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew
22:37). He would teach these men, by ex-
ample, how to serve others (John 13:1-15),
how to love unconditionally (John 4:1-26), and
how to stand with boldness and courage for
the things you believe in (Luke 22:63-23:25).
Ultimately, He would show them how to die a
beautiful death for the sake of your life’s plan,
your life’s purpose (Matthew 27:32-38, 48, 50;
Mark 15:21-26, 36, 37; Luke 23:26-33, 38,
46; John 19:16-30).
61 © exemplify magazine
Fulfilling His purpose was gratifying yet ex-
tremely exhausting. The plan was much the
same, methodically and carefully laid out yet
gruesomely brutal at times. If there ever was
a contest for the most over-scheduled day, Je-
sus’ days would rank at the very top. Pulled
from every side, I’ve often wondered when He
had time to eat or sleep or think. There were
the crowds who encircled Him wanting to hear
more of His teachings, while other crowds en-
folded upon Him with a killer’s instinct. Some
sought healing, while others sought answers.
Demons screamed at Him, while sinners cried
out to Him. Religious leaders called Him a her-
etic; He proclaimed His identity to be that of
the Son of God.
Yet through it all- the good, the bad, the easy,
the difficult- was the fundamental foundation
to Christ’s purpose and plan: His relationship
with His Father and absolute commitment to
live out His calling here on earth. Jesus was de-
termined to run, with excellence, the race that
had been laid out before Him. In order to run
this race with excellence He knew that those
precious times with the Father could NOT be
forsaken. Jesus understood that there would
be times when it would be essential to His call-
ing to retreat from the race in which He was
running in order to refuel so that He could re-
main in the battle refreshed and rejuvenated
ready to continue running toward the prize.
The morning of the Sabbath, Jesus and His
newly chosen disciples entered into the syna-
gogue in Capernaum. As He taught with au-
thority, a man possessed by an unclean spirit
cried out to Him. Not at all taken aback, Jesus
rebuked the unclean spirit and cast him out of
the man (Mark 1:21-26).
Around noon on this same Sabbath day, “(Je-
sus) entered the house of Simon and Andrew,
with James and John” (Mark 1:29). Simon’s
mother-in-law lay sick with fever (Mark 1:30).
Jesus took her by the hand, healing her in-
stantly (Mark 1:31).
 At evening, because His fame had spread
throughout the town, “all who were sick
and demon-possessed were brought to
Him. And the whole city gathered together
at the door” (Mark 1:32-33). Jesus healed
many diseases and cast out many demons
(Mark 1:34).
Now, that my friends, is a full day if I’ve
ever seen one. My finite mind can only be-
gin to fathom how utterly exhausted Christ
was by the end of that day and we aren’t
even told when “the end of that day” came.
Emotionally, physically, and spiritually Je-
sus was drained. Knowing that this race
would require so very much more of Him
in the days to come, the Word that had be-
come flesh was in need of a few moments
of reprieve.
So, He retreated when the time became
available.
“Now in the morning, having risen a long
while before daylight, He went out and de-
parted to a solitary place;”
Mark 1:35a, NKJV (emphasis added)
Early the next morning, Christ was pre-
sented an opportunity to retreat for a little
while; an opportunity He welcomed with
open arms. While others slept, He with-
drew to a place of quiet and rest. This time
of retreat was purposed; it was not just a
time to go away because He was annoyed
or frustrated.
This time of retreat was for the purpose of
Jesus refueling.
“and there He prayed.”
Mark 1:35b, NKJV (emphasis added)
My Old Testament professor, the late Dr. J.
W. Lee once said that, “Prayer is the fuel
that energizes the power of God.” Christ
retreated in order to pray so that He was
fueled with the power of God ready to con-
tinue on in the race that lay before Him.
62 © exemplify magazine
Not only was Christ’s retreat intended to
refuel Him for the race of His life, this
time would also give Him the power to
remain in the race.
“But He said to them (His disciples who
had come looking for Him), ‘Let us go
into the next towns, that I may preach
there also, because for this purpose I
have come forth.”
Mark 1:38, NKJV (emphasis added)
Having spent those moments alone con-
versing with the Father, Jesus was re-
minded of His sole purpose in life: to
preach, to heal, and to save. This time,
the reminder of the ultimate prize await-
ing, gave Him the endurance to remain
in the race.
_____
You have a purpose. And, God has a plan
for your life.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew
you; before you were born I sanctified
you; I ordained you a prophet to the na-
tions. For we (you) are His workmanship,
created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand that we
(you) should walk in them.”
Jeremiah 1:5; Ephesians 2:10, NKJV
This race of life that you and I are run-
ning in is not an easy race to run. There
are many mile markers along the way;
some will encourage us to continue on,
others will make us want to throw in the
towel and quit. It is essential that when
we reach those mile markers of exhaus-
tion, despair, heart-ache, and the like
that we press on toward the prize.
It is during those challenging times that
we follow the example of Christ…
 We retreat.

It’s okay to stop running the race for
a moment and rest. In fact, it is of ut-
ter importance that we do so. When you
are tired, physically, emotionally, and/
or spiritually, when you feel that you
cannot continue on, find a quiet place
to take refuge in. Maybe there is a park
you can go to or a beach that is calling
your name. Maybe your resting place is
the swing in your backyard during your
kiddos’ naptime, or it could even be that
pile of undone laundry. Wherever and
whatever your “place of quiet and rest”
might be, make a note to retreat there
as often as you can.
And, while you are retreating, you re-
fuel.
Understand that there will be times
when it will be essential to your call-
ing, your purpose, His plan to retreat
from the race in which you are running
in order to refuel so that you are able
to remain in the battle refreshed and
rejuvenated, ready to continue running
toward the prize.
“Let us run with endurance the race that
is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the
author and finisher of our faith, who for
the joy that was set before Him endured
the cross, despising the shame, and has
sat down at the right hand of the throne
of God.”Hebrews 12:1d-2, NKJV

Spend time praying to the Father. Prayer

is simple conversation with God and is
our time to pour out our hearts and lay Run with
our burdens at His feet. Your prayer excellence.
time will energize God’s power in your
life. You might want to begin recording Run with power.
your prayers in a journal so that later
Run with
on, when you reach other mile markers
of adversity, you can look back and see,
firsthand, how God worked and provid- endurance!
ed.

Then, your time of retreating and refu-

eling will enable you to remain in the
race.

Spending time alone conversing with

the Father will remind you of your pur-
pose in life: to glorify the Father through
living a life that exemplifies Christ; a life
that reaches its hand out to the hurt-
ing, a life that proclaims the message
of God’s saving grace, and a life that
offers hope to the hopeless. This time
of retreat and refueling, this reminder
of the ultimate prize awaiting, will give
you the endurance needed to remain in
the race.

63 © exemplify magazine