She’s Murmuring

Words by Te-Erika

I’m sick

And no its not HIV

Those fake letters got nothing on the demon that resides inside of me

Mentally he’s killing me

He lives with me

Breathes in me

Whispers to me

Consistently

And I debate with him

Quite audibly

You see me

You watch me freak

Responding to an imaginary voice

That’s suffocates my best me

Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer

Maybe self-destruction is the key

Cuz if I could manage to murder that beast

It may release me from captivity

They want to dim my light

Take these and forget about he

Walk and talk like they do

Become a cog in the wheel like me

I was born to be a healer

This tragic gift guides me

But the burden behind the gift released

Is the crosses I burn internally

I cracked open my own skull

Sat it down next to the TV

Poked about and shocked

I found the answer

Though I couldn’t grasp its meaning

I’m sick

But I wasn’t born this way

Shell shocked on a planet that forgot how to love

I try to send love & light your way

You shoot back daggers and twisted rainbows

I pull you close to my breast

You reach through me and pierce my heart

And I let you walk away

You tell me to follow you

But I feel the sting of each step

Your methods taze my inner me

Til I’m sick within myself

I talk to myself

I have to

Cuz outside my head no one understands

This fake ass world

These fake ass plans

Chasing fake ass dreams

Made by fake ass men

I now withstand your blows

But to do this I had to let go

Of heaven and hell

And fables and tales

Taught to rob me and teach me

Through men’s twisted meanings

And I buzz when I see him

And I buzz when he’s near me

And I buzz when you touch me

And I buzz when you see me

So I tip toe through vinings and ashes and dust

Please Stand back

Don’t get too close

She’s murmuring

She’s doing it again

Watch her and laugh

She’s a loon-loony bin

But if you had guts

If you had the gift

You could sift through my chatter

And see the brilliance

I talk to myself

To remind myself

That although this isn’t home

I am purposed here

In this body

This faulty transportation

Lives a fantastic spirit

Looking for its matching flame

But he came

And rubbed me
Touched me

Through my tears

I called Mama

And he rubbed me

Rubbed it

All out

So I talk to myself

To remind myself

That the demon lives here

But here

Isn’t eternal