Poetry: Tools for the Novelist

Lisa Janice Cohen

(Originally written for 2008's series of virtual workshops, LB&LI' (Left Behind and Loving It),

organized by Lynn Viehl, aka paperback writer.) (http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com/)

I. Verbs Rule, Adjectives Drool

II. The Comparison--Metaphor and Simile

III. The Forgotten Senses

IV. Sound Effects--Consonance, Assonance, Alliteration

V. Look for the Music--Assess Your Prose

For references, this workshop series is expanded from "Punch up your Prose with Poetry,"

(http://www.fmwriters.com/Visionback/Issue27/punchpoetry.htm) first published in Vision: A Resource

for Writers. (http://lazette.net/vision/)

Adapted from a workshop originally run on the Once in a Blue Muse Blog
(http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com) in July/Aug 2008.

Contact Lisa Cohen:

ljcblue@gmail.com
www.ljcohen.net

Poetry for the Novelist/ LJCohen page 1

 Verbs Rule, Adjectives Drool

If you ask the average person how to describe something, they are likely to use adjectives and

adverbs. But in writing, (especially in poetry, but also in prose) adjectives and adverbs weigh down the

read. The more modified a noun or verb is, the less powerful.

It's easiest to see this with an example:

Lilly ran slowly. The heavy, cold rain had soaked through her now sodden shirt.

It's serviceable writing. We can visualize the scene, but it feels like obvious narration, as if a

camera's eye is describing events. In two sentences, we have 1 adverb, 3 adjectives, and 2 verbs. Let's

play with some stronger verbs and see what happens.

Lilly slogged through rain slick streets. She shivered, her shirt plastered to her skin.

In the second example, we omitted the adverb, "slowly," and replaced it (and its weak verb

'ran') with one strong verb: "slogged." We use "slick"--which can be both a noun and a verb--as an

adjective as in 'rain slick' to modify streets. In the second sentence, we have 2 strong verbs: "shivered"

and "plastered" and no adjectives at all.

The second example also has more emotion and atmosphere than the first. That's because strong

verbs carry nuance and emotion better than weaker verbs. Strong verbs are descriptive on their own

Poetry for the Novelist/ LJCohen page 2

without the need for additional modification.

Furthermore, if we change the verbs, we can change the emotion.

Lilly sprinted through rain sweetened air. She welcomed the caress of shirt against skin.

Now we have a different atmosphere with "sprinted" and "welcomed." "Caress," both a verb

and a noun, is used as a descriptive noun here to carry emotion. "Sweetened," a verb, is used here as an

adjective paired with rain and again conveys a positive mood.

In prose, you have at least some wiggle room to use flatter language. In a 300 page novel, a few

adverbs and adjectives won't stand out too much, but in a brief poem in which every word must carry

its weight? Be ruthless. Strip out those adverbs. Prune the adjectives.

Let's take a look at a classic poem. Here is one of Shakespeare's most famous sonnets. He knew

a thing or two about strong verbs.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

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 Notice that the verbs are highlighted in bold, the adjectives in italics. There are no adverbs here.

Most of the verbs are highly descriptive, either alone or paired with the nouns that they modify. There

is far more bold than italics in this highly descriptive poem. There are very few adjectives at all.

One interesting note: Shakespeare uses the gerund form of several verbs as adjectives:

wandering bark, bending sickle. It adds an unexpected note to the nouns these gerunds modify. If you

add the fact that he was working in a rigid rhyme and meter scheme, you begin to understand

Shakespeare's genius.

Exercise: Take a look through a few pages of your current writing project and find a section

with adverbs or adjectives in it. Mark the text as in the sonnet example above. Note every adverb and

adjective. Circle every verb. Examine the writing and see if you can omit the modifiers and substitute

them with stronger verbs.

Remember:

Be ruthless.

Strip out adverbs.

Prune adjectives.

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 The Comparison: Metaphor and Simile

As writers, we are all familiar with the advice to 'show not tell.' Much of the power of poetry

comes in the comparison of like and unlike things. An artful comparison can convey enormous amounts

of information without the author's voice having to step in and tell the reader anything.

The Basics:

There are two main types of comparisons, the metaphor and the simile. A metaphor directly

equates two things. They state that something *is* something else.

Jack was a pig.

(Assuming you are not writing fantasy in which Jack really is a talking pig, or

transfigured into a pig.) Metaphorically, we understand that Jack is sloppy. The key to such

comparisons is a shared cultural reference. If the reader doesn't understand that pigs wallow in

mud, than the reader is left trying to figure out the ways in which Jack is porcine. (That's where

some context comes in.)

A simile is a comparison that uses 'like' or 'as' to show how one thing is like another.

Sally ate like a bird.

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 This simile gives us more context. We know it has to do with how Sally eats in some

relation to how a bird eats. This is actually an interesting simile because it works based on an

assumption that birds don't eat a lot. As related to people, it is meant to show that someone picks

at his or her food. In fact, birds do eat quite a lot in terms of their body weight--they just do it one

seed or worm at a time. So another example where shared context drives the meaning of the

comparison.

Pretty straightforward so far. For examples, I am going to use some of Shakespeare's sonnets

and some of my own poetry. This is not to imply that I am comparing myself to the Bard in any way. It

is a matter of convenience vis a vis copyright. Good old Willie's work is in the public domain. I grant

myself permission to use my own words. No problem. :)

Here is another of Shakespeare's most well known sonnets. If we look at the lines in bold, we

see an extended simile: When the narrator thinks about his love, it makes him sing like a lark and feel

happy. But there is also subtle metaphor: In the line highlighted in italics, we see that he equates the

love he receives with the wealth of kings.

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes

I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising

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 From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Using more modern poetry, an example from my own writing:

City Beat
(For M)

Beneath my feet, only concrete. Cylinders,

rectangles, sand castles at the mercy
of no arbitrary tide. Squares striped
by ooze of asphalt, dwarf trees
armored against the spash of urine from lifted
hind legs. My heels strike sparks against the flint
of brick. The cobbler speaks hammer
and awl, calls these shoes by name.
I translate taxi, the fricatives of honks
and squeals. Shake this snow
globe city and ticker tape ribbons the air.
Soldiers return from every war to steam
grate medals. In the canyons and arroyos
of Spanish Harlem, wolf whistles salsa
the streets, buttered with black
beans and cigarillos. Parked cars turn sidewalks
into dance halls, each corner a new beat.
Along the park, staid ladies wearing
crenelated crowns lean into the greenery,
raise eyebrows over midriffs and tattoos,
gossip about naked ankles below bathing dresses.
Each decade's scandals thrill more
than the last. Workmen sprout
on scaffold trellises, swearing like sailors
who make love in twenty different languages.
Ivy digs its fingers into dusty mortar joints
setting pitons deep into the conquest
of up. I cannot name each plant whose roots
subvert the pavement, whose fruits seduce
me from farmer's stalls but I know
what I crave. I gulp whole crowds,

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 fresh berries burgled from the beaks
of starlings on this crackling sidewalk,
this unconducted symphony, this movable feast.

--LJCohen

This piece is pretty much one extended metaphor. I highlighted many of them in bold, and the

one simile in italics. Many of the metaphors are a specific subset of metaphorical language:

personification. That is the grafting of human characteristics on something not human. In this piece, the

ivy is a mountain climber setting pitons in the concrete for example, or the old buildings around central

park 'staid ladies'.

The descriptive language using strong comparisons keeps the writing lively and immediate.

Metaphor and Simile in Prose:

You can use these techniques to good effect in narrative. In fact, I remember reading George

Lucas' original Star Wars novel (mumble mumble) years ago as a teenager. I haven't looked at the book

in decades, but I *still* remember a turn of phrase he used, probably on page one. Something about

space ships attaching themselves like rainbow ramoras to a larger, unwilling host. That image has

stayed with me for more than 30 years. Pretty effective, no?

Another way to use comparisons to good effect in novels is to have your character use

comparisons from his or her worldview/culture. In 'Heal Thyself', one of my works in progress, Lilliane

is from a coastal community and a guild-based meritocracy. Zev is from a nomadic, desert culture with

a fundamentalist religion. Among other differences in world view, Lilliane uses maritime similes and

metaphors. Zev uses desert and predator/prey comparisons.

Poetry for the Novelist/ LJCohen page 8

 Zev slid to the floor, grateful they’d stopped moving. He was sweating and his legs were
trembling as if he’d traveled hours on shifting sand.

It would be simpler if she could direct all her anger and frustration at him. Even if she’d
known her course would bring her here, she wouldn’t have altered sail or tiller. Couldn’t
have and still remain true to her art. Once he became her patient, it didn’t matter what Hal
Jahnissim had done. Once she agreed to treat him, every current beached her on the same
shoal.

The italicized segments highlight the use of metaphor and simile. The comparisons are

symbolic of how each of these characters see the world. Using appropriate comparisons, especially

filtered through your character's points of view, helps your world come to life and gives your

characters a distinctive voice.

Exercise: Choose several pages from your current project. Examine the prose. If there are no

comparisons, see if you can add a relevant simile or metaphor in the narrative. Also, look for

opportunities to write or re-write a comparison from your main character's POV.

Remember:

A few comparisons go a long way

Make sure the reader knows the context

Clearly identify symbolic language (if indeed Jack *is* a pig)

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 The Forgotten Senses

Writing comes alive when the writer engages the readers senses. This is true, not only in poetry,

but in prose as well. Sensory engagement is part of the show, not tell of writing.

Consider this poem:

Scheherazade's Last Tale

It is enough to dry the dishes as you wash,

deft hands flicking water from polished

steel. You offer me the carving knife

handle first, thumb and forefingers shield

the blade. I swipe its sharp surface dry,

slide it with a solid snick in the maple block.

You smooth a wrinkled sheet into a neat

square, laugh as I wrestle unruly corners,

throw the misshapen bundle at your head.

I settle for pairing socks, tucking the boys

into freshly made beds, winter blanket

warm. It is enough to sit in silence, stroke

the dog beside this fire you built for me,

the ringer off, invitations politely refused.

I am the book you read by light

the color of maple syrup gold, the story

we tell for a thousand and one nights

and never tire of its ending.

--LJCohen

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 It is sensory rich with sight, sound, and touch, describing an ordinary scene with specificity. The

reader doesn't need to be told about the relationship between the narrator and her lover; the reader is

shown this relationship in a series of images.

The Senses:

We typically think of humans as having five senses: sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste.

Technically, we have several additional senses: vestibular (senses motion, acceleration, speed, and

direction), kinesthetic (body position, position of body parts related to the whole), pain, and

temperature, based on anatomical receptors found throughout the body. A discussion of these 'extra'

senses is beyond the scope of this workshop, though it would be interesting in relation to writing

speculative fiction and creating aliens whose senses are different than human ones. Here is a link to

more specific information on pain and perception. (http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/2008/03/pain-

pain-perception-and-healing-primer.html or direct download:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/2318235/Pain-Pain-Perception-and-Healing-A-Primer-for-Writers)

Our primary sense is sight. We take in more than 75% of our information about the world

through our eyes. Our brains are hard wired to react almost instantaneously to visual disturbances by

catching or blocking something moving in our visual fields. Our coordination of hands/arms is tied into

the sense of sight. Hand/eye coordination is essential for our survival.

In describing the world, it is likely that an author will filter his or her character's observations

through the medium of sight. Some of what we can see includes color, shape, texture, depth of field,

distance, and movement. Our color perception relies on sufficient light to activate our eye's color

receptors: the cones. They are less numerous than the black/white receptors, the rods. The cones are

Poetry for the Novelist/ LJCohen page 11

concentrated in the center of the retina, so that a quick glance out of the corner of the eye is less likely

to identify color. Our night vision is also primarily in black and white.

In using sight to describe scene, it can be useful to use more than one or two dimensions of

vision.

Hearing is probably our second most common way of processing the world. Our ears translate

vibration into what we perceive as sound. Sound can be described in volume, pitch, and rhythm. The

listener can also detect if a sound source is moving toward or away from the ears.

Touch is one of our first senses. In fact, the skin, which houses our touch receptors, is the

body's largest organ. Our fingers, lips, and genitals are some of our most sensitive regions and get a

larger proportion of brain real estate (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortical_homunculus) than all the

other areas of the body. Touch can be described by its intensity, quality, and rhythm.

Taste and smell are quite closely linked senses. In fact, without smell, taste is almost non-

existent. Smell is an interesting sense in that it is closely tied into the limbic system. That's part of our

old, more primitive brain, and is vital to processing emotion and memory. That's why smells can trigger

such intense associations in a way the other senses do not.

To bring a scene or an image fully to life on the page, it is the author's task to use multiple

senses. The more fully engaged the senses, the richer the description. Within reason. As in everything,

balance is the key. No one is going to want to read page after page of sensory input without anything

else happening in the story.

There is one additional sensory possibility that can be of great use to the writer: synesthesia.

Synesthesia is the mapping of one sense on another. A certain percentage of the population are

synesthetes. Some individuals 'taste' music, others 'hear' color or 'feel' sounds. Synesthesia probably

Poetry for the Novelist/ LJCohen page 12

happens at a brain processing level, but can enliven writing and take description from ho hum to

striking. A few web resources for the understanding of synesthesia can be found here

(http://web.mit.edu/synesthesia/www/) and here.(http://www.bluecatsandchartreusekittens.com/)

For example, it is cliche to describe something yellow as being as bright as the sun (also a

simile), or the color of butter, but what if the yellow was so intense it made your character's teeth ache?

Or sounded like the high note of a poorly played violin? Poets often use synesthesia to create unusual

pairing and stand out images.

Exercise: Examine a descriptive section of your own writing. Notice if you use one sense

predominantly. If so, play with adding other senses to the mix.

Remember:

Use all 5 senses

Consider the vestibular/kinesthetic senses

Blend senses for a unique description

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 Sound Effects

The sound of words, especially words in relation to one another, can convey meaning. Short,

sharp words, for example can indicate anger, frustration, or fear. It's no accident that most swear words

in English are just those kind of words. Think of any of our good old 'four letter words.' They start and

end with consonants, usually fricatives.

English is a language of multiple influences. Two main ones are Germanic and Latinate.

Germanic words are often short and direct, while Latinate words are polysyllabic and create a more

formal feel. Contrast 'house' (Germanic) with 'domicile' (Latinate). For more examples, this article

(http://www.pearsonlongman.com/dictionaries/teachers/articles/p-meara.html) is a nice reference.

In writing, it's all about using word choice and word effect to convey emotion. Is there a

difference in emotion between these two sentences?

She jabbed the key in the lock and flung the door wide.

She slipped the key in the lock and eased the door open.

Part of that difference is in the sound. The "sl" of slipped is softer than the "j" of jabbed. Flung/

door/wide has a staccato rhythm. Eased/door/open is more focused on vowels, softer.

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 Sound is used to good effect in poetry. Let's re-examine this Shakespearian sonnet. In

alternating bold and italics, I've highlighted some areas where sound helps the flow and feel of the

piece.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Read the piece aloud and listen for how the sounds of certain word combinations naturally alter

the pace and cadence of the lines. Where are the places where the language slows or speeds the read?

What lines seem to call for emphasis?

Reading aloud is an excellent technique to become accustomed to hear the music in writing.

Often, the eye will miss what the ear will notice.

In poetry, there are three major 'sound effects': assonance, consonance, and alliteration.

Alliteration is a sound technique most people are familiar with. Peter Piper Picked a Peck of

Pickled Peppers. The repeated 'p' sounds in the beginning of each word is alliteration.

Consonance is another technique that uses repeated consonant sounds, but not limited to the

beginning of words. In the sonnet above, 'minds admit impediments' is an example of consonance.

Poetry for the Novelist/ LJCohen page 15

There are repeated 'm' sounds in each word, but in different places in the words. The effect makes your

ear take notice and places emphasis on the run of words.

Assonance is a similar concept, but with vowel sounds. Star/wandering/bark uses assonance

with the repeated 'ah' sounds.

The danger in prose, of course, is to overuse these sound effects and give a forced tongue

twister feel to the narrative. Like spices in food, a little goes a long way, but also can 'season' the pot in

memorable and delicious ways.

Exercise: Examine a section of your current writing. Read it aloud, either for yourself or for

others. Listen for places where sound heightens tension or alters pace. If the prose sounds 'flat', look

for opportunities to use alliteration, consonance, or assonance to evoke an emotion or place emphasis.

Remember:

Sound places emphasis and conveys emotion

Avoid the tongue twister effect

Read your work aloud

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 Look for the Music

There are many ways of looking at the revision process. This method is a way to look at your

language choices in a segment of prose in order to increase its liveliness on the page.

This works best with short segments, a page or a scene will do, and should probably be some of

the final editing you do on a manuscript. It doesn't make sense to hone language choices to this level of

specificity if there are larger overarching issues to fix in the narrative.

When I teach the process of revision for poetry, I ask students to mark every line: underline the

verbs, circle the comparisons, and star where there are sensory-rich descriptions, check where there are

sound effects. If after completing the process, there are lines with little or nothing marked, you have an

opportunity to enliven the work. This can be a powerful tool in evaluating your prose as well.

What follows is the opening ~200 words of one of my manuscripts, currently in revision. I will

go through the process of marking up the text for illustration. Bold--verbs, italics--comparisons, ( ) --

sensory description. [ ] -- sound effects.

Chapter 1

For the [thousandth time], Isabel wished Jared had sent someone else to cover this story.
Taking a deep breath, she composed a professional expression on her face and followed
the mother up the stairs.

Isabel paused at the threshold of the girl’s room. Sera Campbell’s (ashen face and blond
hair) stood out against the (oppressively cheerful pink bedspread). (Pink curtains [filtered]
the afternoon sun, [filling] the room with pastel light.)

Poetry for the Novelist/ LJCohen page 17

 “Sweetie? This is Ms. Jepsen, the reporter I told you about. Remember?”

The girl's eyes were open in a fixed stare.

Isabel perched on the edge of a wicker rocking chair next to the bed. Turning her tablet to
record, she leaned close to the girl. “Sera, can you hear me?”

The child's slow breathing never [changed] its [cadence]. Isabel reached out with her full
senses and felt nothing. She shivered. Even mindblinds had an echo, but Sera was like a
life sized hollow doll. Isabel forced herself to swallow against a [rising tide] of nausea.

When I analyze my choices in this way, a few things stand out.

1--Verbs--Many verbs are strong, able to stand on their own and carry emotion. Composed, filtered,

perched, swallow, rising are all descriptive and effective in the context. Some exceptions: sent, taking,

followed, stood out, were, felt, had, was are relatively weak verbs. Some may be changed, others left as

they are so that certain of the strongest verbs will be noticed.

2--Comparisons--the section had one simile--the hollow doll. One in a 200 words segment is probably

sufficient.

3--Sensory details--Pretty much sight is it. There is little described in any other sense. Room for

improvement there.

4--Sound effects--some word choices that enhance mood. Used sparingly to avoid the tongue twister

effect. Some changes in verbs may be dictated partly by sound considerations.

Poetry for the Novelist/ LJCohen page 18

 Not every instance of the verb 'to be' is evil. Just like 'said' is the most innocuous speech tag,

sometimes 'was' is appropriate to a sentence, particularly if there is some other tool for emphasis being

used. Remember, even the best 'spice' can ruin a dish. Choose your effects with deliberate care,

knowing what kind of mood you want to create for the reader.

Exercise: Choose a page or short scene from your current writing of approximately 200-300

words. Print it out and choose symbols to mark up your text, indicating verbs, adjectives, adverbs,

comparisons, sense language, and sound effects. Read the section aloud to yourself or a partner. Look

at each element in turn.

Verbs: If more than half of your verbs are weak verbs or forms of 'to be', consider using

stronger verbs. Remember--verbs that need a modifier are weak verbs.

Adverbs: Work hard to eliminate the vast majority of adverbs from your writing.

Adjectives: Nouns can be too heavily modified as well. Stronger verbs can eliminate the need

for some adjectives.

Comparisons: These can be used either in exposition or in deep POV from your narrator's

perspective. Used sparingly, they can be remarkably effective in world building.

Sensory Language: Don't neglect hearing, touch, taste, and smell. While we do get much of

our sensory data through our eyes, we do not get all of it that way. Smell triggers memory--you can use

that to good effect in brief flashbacks, for example.

Sound: Remember storytelling was first an orator's art. Not only do the words need to work on

the page, but in the ear. Reading work aloud is the best way to hear rhythm and flow. You can use hard

Poetry for the Novelist/ LJCohen page 19

sounds to indicate driving emotion, soft sounds to add a more languid feel to the read.

Addendum: It is a well known adage that writers need to be readers. In order to fully integrate these

aspects of poetry into fiction writing, it is also important to be a reader of poetry. A good introduction

to poetry can be found at Billy Collins' Poetry 180 site, (http://www.loc.gov/poetry/180/) a resource

originally organized for high school students to read a poem a day. It is a diverse collection of poetry

from different poetic voices and styles and makes an excellent starting point for the reader new to

poetry.

About the Author:

Lisa Janice Cohen is a poet and aspiring novelist. A physical therapist by vocation, she is also the head

moderator of The Wild Poetry Forum, (http://www.wildpoetryforum.com), a participating member of

the Interboard Poetry Community (IBPC). She maintains a writing blog, Once in a Blue Muse

(http://www.ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com) and her personal website (http://www.ljcohen.net). She lives

in the Boston area with her husband, two sons and assorted pets.

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