FALLING FOR HARRY

by

Warren Paul Glover

(2,998 words)





















14 Harris Street
Paddington
NSW 2021
Australia
+61 411 782 888
wazman01@live.co.uk


1
Falling for Harry


Harriet slowed her speed as she approached the bridge.
Its over, Harriet. The board know. Theyve given me an ultimatum, said the
familiar but newly cold male voice in her earpiece.
Harriet felt sick. She knew what was coming with absolute clarity. It was a Catholic,
family-values sort of operation after all.
I cant leave my wife, the voice continued. Dont bother coming back to the office.
Human Resources will be in touch next week. Im sorry. Goodbye Harri.
The line went dead and Harriet slammed on the brakes. Luckily the driver behind was
alert and swerved into the opposite lane, which was mercifully free of oncoming traffic. A
stream of expletives and a serenade of blaring horns from the trail of cars that were forced to
snake around her followed.
But Harriet didnt care about the honking and the insults. She was oblivious, crying
into her steering wheel. As her sobs gradually subsided Harriet raised her head. What looked
like a zombie stared back from the rear-view mirror. Harriet knew at once that she should
have opted for the waterproof mascara. Gone was the beautiful, confident and happy young
woman she had been not five minutes before.
Harriet wiped away the snot that dripped from her nose and opened the car door.
Another blaze of horns assaulted her as she staggered out into the traffic on the bridge. Her
heel caught in a pothole and sent her sprawling. This is it, she thought, as a huge juggernaut
bore down on her. Resigned, she laid her head on the tarmac and closed her eyes. But
something she fleetingly remembered some jargon from her psychology module at
university, the survival instinct, maybe that was it - made her leap up and before the truck
could make marmalade of her on the road she was climbing over the side of the bridge.
Grunting like a tennis pro Harriet swung her leg over the safety rail. Below her, a long
way down, a wide river flowed. Harriet closed her eyes and hoped the sudden dizziness
would go away. A voice inside her head, a little sane part of her brain, screamed at her. What
the hell are you doing?!
And then she heard it. At first she thought it was just the whistling of the wind, but
she soon began to make out the words.
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare...

*
2
Falling for Harry


Harry placed the tambourine, to him that hated symbol of tyranny, gently by his feet. He
sighed heavily, having come to the conclusion that there was no alternative. Taking a deep
breath he summoned the courage to jump.
Just do it you coward! he shouted into the wind. Come on! Stop thinking about it.
Be a man! For once in your life.
Harrys words, a cri de Coeur, fell on deaf ears as his body stubbornly refused to
execute his minds wishes. Harry contemplated this fractious relationship between heart,
mind, body and soul.
I cant. I cant! I am a coward! he shouted. This is why I was useless as a Hare
Krishna. My weak spirit. No discipline. Im a starter, not a finisher.
A gust of wind billowed Harrys Hare Krishna robes, forcing him to cling on to a
section of the bridge for support. When the wind subsided Harry looked down.
Oh God! Its high! he exclaimed. But at least the end will be quick, he said, less
hysterically, as if trying to reason his way into jumping.
But the doubts pulled at him again in this tug-of-war trauma that consumed him.
Is it high enough though? What was it that suicide website said? For a fall into
water
Harry peered down at the river below.
it needs to be at least 250 feet.
Harrys head jerked back up.
Yep! Id say thats 250 feet, he said. Right then, lets do it. One, two, thre
Harry raised his forefinger to his face in a Eureka moment. A revelation.
Wait! The website said jumping into water from 250 feet is only ninety-five-to-
ninety-eight per cent fatal. What if Im in the two-to-five per cent non-fatal cohort? Thatd be
just my luck! But then Ill drown, surely? Unless some bloody do-gooder fishes me out and
rescues me.
Harry peered down at the river again.
Oh look! Theres a boat. What if I land on a boat but survive the fall? I could
paralyse myself! Fuck! I dont want to be a paraplegic. Id prefer instant death to disability.
But if I survive the fall theyll arrest me. And theyll probably make me pay for passage!
Fuck! There are so many things to consider. Ive got to get this right!
Harry closed his eyes and wished for courage. His weak-watery knees told him no.
3
Falling for Harry


Harry! Come on. Focus!
Harry began to make meditation noises.
Ohmmm.
Harrys eyes flew open.
Got it! I must remember to try to land on my head. Increases the risk of fatal injury.
But what if I end up doing a belly flop? Harry patted his ample girth. Itll hurt. But not for
long! Right! Harry, come on! Youre dithering. Concentrate. Get into the zone.
Harry closed his eyes and got into the zone.
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare...

*

Harriet peeled one eye open and then the next and peered down. Below her, on a ledge, was a
bald man in orange robes. He was rocking back and forth as he chanted Hare Krishna
incantations. Harriet noticed a tambourine by his sandaled feet.
Hare Rama, Hare Ram...Oh fuck it! Its no use, the man shouted.
Im sure thats not quite right, Harriet said, being very particular and pedantic.
The man in the orange robes almost jumped out of his skin at Harriets voice. He
scrambled desperately to claw himself back from the precipice.
He managed it.
Just.
Im sorry. I didnt mean to startle you, Harriet said. Do you mind if I share your
ledge? Im not sure I really want to do this now. Its quite high up, isnt it?
The man in the orange robes stared at the glamorous but bedraggled woman in an
orange dress and one shoe.
Its rude to stare you know, Harriet said, defensively.
The man looked her up and down, disbelievingly.
Youve scraped your knee, he said. And your mascaras run. Are you all right?
Harriet burst into tears.
No! Not really.
Oh! Dont cry. Please dont cry. I dont do crying, cried the man, now in a near
panic.
4
Falling for Harry


Harriet sniffled heavily. Snot was dripping from her nose again. She pointed at the
mans robes.
May I?
As the confused man looked down at where this mad woman was pointing, Harriets
hand reached out, grabbed part of his robe and yanked it towards her. Before he could protest
she blew her nose, loudly, on it.
Thanks, she said. Then, noticing the look of shock and horror on his face, she tried
to make amends. Hey! Were both wearing this seasons colour, she said. Although I
think orange suits you better.
Its saffron, the man replied, looking decidedly non-plussed.
Pardon?
Its not orange. Its saffron.
Ooooh. Get you Mister Fashionista, Harriet said, affronted that her attempt to be
nice had been spurned so particularly. Its not orange, its saffron, she repeated, in a
mimicking voice.
Dont you need to be somewhere? asked the man, glaring at her before looking
pointedly down at the river.
You were here first, you go, countered Harriet. Dont mind me.
First in. Last out, the Hare Krishna replied. You can go. Im in no rush.
Age before beauty. Please, dont let me stop you, Harriet urged.
Ladies first, insisted the man.
Im no lady, blurted Harriet.
Youre wearing a dress, the man said.
Youre wearing a dress too! Sort of, parried Harriet.
A gentleman always opens the door for a lady to pass, the man said. Consider this
a door. And with a sweeping move of his arm he mimed opening a door and gestured for
Harriet to step through it.
No! Harriet said. You first. Maybe if you go you can show me how its done and I
can follow?
The man wearing saffron pulled a face as he thought about it. Im not sure I like that
idea, he said. Id imagined suicide to be a private act, not a spectator sport. Please, cant
5
Falling for Harry


you just go away?
Harriet folded her arms across her chest. Just forget about me. Pretend Im not here.
As if to afford the man some privacy she turned away. She was hoping that when she
turned back hed be gone.
The man peered down, closed his eyes, meditated for a moment then opened his eyes
again.
Its no use, he said. I cant pretend youre not here. Youve spoiled it for me now!
Harriet, exasperated, struggled for words. Well, Im soooo sorry about that
Misterwhat is your name anyway?
Harold, the man said.
Im Harriet, Harriet said, extending her hand. Nice to meet you, Harold.
My friends call me Harry. Well, they would if I had any. You can call me Harry,
Harry said eagerly.
Nice to meet you, Harry, Harriet said.
An awkward silence ensued. In unison they looked down at the gushing river below.
So, Harriet. What brings you to the brink? Harry asked at last.
My lovers dumped me, Harriet said miserably.
Oh, Harry replied, trying to look on the bright side as he studied Harriet. Is one
person really worth ending it all for? He looked down. There are plenty more fish in the
sea.
My lover was also my boss. Now Im single and unemployed, Harriet said. I had
so much going for me. He said he would leave his wife.
And you believed him? asked Harry, incredulous that Harriet could have been so
stupid as to fall for that old trick.
Doesnt every mistress? replied Harriet, feeling foolish.
A long silence descended.
So, whats your story? Why are you here, contemplatingthis? Harriet said at last.
As she spoke Harriet extended her arm for emphasis, to encompass the void before
them. She tottered on her one heel, turning her ankle and almost falling. Harry grabbed her
and dragged her back to safety. Harriet fell against him, holding on to him tightly so that they
looked like two lovers locked in an embrace. They stared into each others eyes.
6
Falling for Harry


Harriet broke eye contact.
Thanks! she said.
Youre welcome, replied Harry.
They avoided eye contact. Another silence, during which Harry considered Harriets
question.
Im having a crisis of faith, he said at last.
Oh? replied Harriet. I guess that must be quite hard. Believing in one thing one
day and thennothing the next.
Harry nodded.
Im an atheist myself, Harriet said. I dont believe in anything. Not even
Harriet began to choke back tears.
What? asked Harry.
Love! blurted out Harriet as she burst into tears again.
Hey, hey! Come on. Dont cry. You look kind of ugly when you cry, Harry said.
Thanks a lot! Harriet said, hitting him on the arm.
No, no! I didnt mean that you are ugly, Harry said, backpedalling furiously.
Youre actually quite pretty. Very pretty. Very pretty indeed!
Harriet sniffled. Harrys kind words shone through his bumbling.
Thanks, she sniffed as Harry reached for and clasped one of her hands in his.
Youre welcome, Harry said.
Harriet, lost in her thoughts, absently caressed Harrys hand.
You have nice smooth hands, she said finally. You can tell a lot by a mans
hands.
Thats what my mother used to say, replied Harry. She was a palmist.
A palmist? Seriously? Harriet seemed to perk up at this news. I could do with a
fortune teller right now, she said. Someone to tell me that everything is going to be all right
and that Ill live happily ever after.
Everythings going to be all right and youre going to live happily ever after,
replied Harry. See. Easy.
If only it were that simple, replied Harriet.
Harry stared down at the river. Harriet eventually stirred herself. She nudged
Harrys tambourine with her foot.
7
Falling for Harry


Give us a tune then, she said. Lighten the mood.
Id rather not, replied Harry.
Oh, go on! Harriet pleaded. I bungie jumped to music once. Maybe a little tune
will help get us in the mood again. For.you know, she mimed an action with her arms.
Do you know Jump by Van Halen?
I dont take requests, said Harry.
Harriet sensed a weak spot. She prodded Harry on the arm.
You cant play that thing, can you? Youre embarrassed.
No, no! Its not that, denied Harry. I just dont like playing. My mother, when she
wasnt being a palmist, was a drummer. She bullied me into taking up every percussion
instrument you can think of. I had it drummed into me while I was very young, you might
say.
Very droll, Harriet replied. Then, warming to the theme, Or should I say, very
drum roll?
Harriet laughed at her joke. Harry glared at her.
Youre not from around here, are you? Harry asked. You have an accent.
Im Australian, Harriet said. From Queensland. She paused for effect before
being more specific. Tamborine Mountain.
Ha! Thats funny, Harry replied.
How long have you been a Hare, Harry? Harriet asked.
Ten years. You have the most beautiful eyes by the way, Harry said.
Thanks. So, how come you lost your faith?
This might sound strange, Harry began, but after ten years in the cult Ive started
to lust after forbidden fruit. Every time we march down the street I have an urge to dive into
KFC or Maccas or Burger King. Its driving me crazy!
I know what you mean, Harriet said. I was a vegetarian for twelve years until one
Christmas I had a craving for duck. Just like that.
Just like quack, you mean, Harry said.
What? Harriet replied, confused. Then she got Harrys little joke and laughed. Oh,
ha ha! Dont give up the day job, Harry.
What a pair we are, Harry said. You werent seriously thinking about jumping,
were you? It would be a terrible waste.
8
Falling for Harry


I dont really know, Harriet replied. Were you terribly serious about
jumping?"
Harry nodded. I was, but I think Ive seen the light now.
Harry stared into Harriets eyes, holding her gaze until their faces got closer and
closer and their lips met.
Wow! Harry said.
Wow! Harriet said. Then, after a moment of delicious silence, Hey, Mr
Tambourine Man. Can I buy you dinner?
You want to buy me dinner? Really?
Yeah, I think I would. I think I like you Harry, Harriet said.
This isnt a rebound thing is it? asked Harry.
It may be. It could be. If you want it to be
Well, I could murder a steak, said Harry. And a martini. And a packet of smokes.
Uh-oh! Deal breaker, Harriet said, turning away.
Shit! cried Harry. Forget the smokes. Ill settle for a steak and a martini. I dont
actually want to smoke. Its justits this forbidden fruit thing. Anything I cant have I have
a craving for.
You shouldnt pretend to be something youre not just because some person you like
doesnt like that thing that you like, Harriet said.
See! Harry cried, throwing up his arms in frustration. This is why I joined the Hare
Krishnas in the first place!
Harriet gestured for more clarity.
Because this dating lark is just too complicated, explained Harry. Too many rules.
Too stressful.
Thats true, replied Harriet. Thats why I decided to be a mistress. Much easier!
Married men are so grateful for a bit on a side that they almost make it a pleasure to shag
them, Harriet said, measuring out an inch or so between her forefinger and thumb at the
mention of almost and holding this imaginary measurement up to Harrys face.
Pardon? replied Harry.
They buy you things! explained Harriet.
And thats why you went out with a married man? Because he bought you things?

9
Falling for Harry


Well, yes! replied Harriet, as if this was obvious. Plus I was in love with him, she
added. But then, as if a realisation had dawned on her, she whispered: Or in love with all the
attention he showered over me.
And then it all went wrong, concluded Harry.
And then he promised to leave his wife. And then it all went wrong, clarified
Harriet.
But youre so beautiful, Harriet. You shouldnt settle for being somebodys number
two. You should be somebodys number one. Youd be my number one.
Aw, thanks Harry! I am starting to really like you. Youre ever so nice, said Harriet.
I dont want to be nice! shouted Harry. Nice men never get anywhere.
Dont be so hard on yourself. Youre here. With me. Arent you? said Harriet.
I guess, Harry conceded. But just look at us. Were hardly great catches for people
are we?
Maybe were a great catch for each other, Harriet replied. Maybe its fate thats
brought us together like this.
Fate? You dont really believe that, do you? asked Harry.
Maybe, Harriet replied. Maybe I want to believe it.
I thought you didnt believe in anything, Harry said.
I think we all need something to believe in, Harry. And right now, Im starting to
believe in a second chance. Im starting to believe that I want to live.
You know what? Me too, replied Harry, holding his hand out to Harriet.
Harriet took Harrys hand in hers.
Do you still want to buy me dinner? Harry asked.
Sure.
Do you think we could do that kiss thing again? That was kinda nice.
Sure, Harry.
They kissed. It was brief but it was the kiss of a lifetime, but as Harriet, eyes closed,
was still savouring the kiss an excited Harry moved in for another go. With his clumsy over-
exuberance he bumped Harriet with his portly belly and sent her flying over the edge.
Harry peered down, horrified.
Oh fuck, he said.