PARTNERS FOR CREATIVE COLLABORATION

Dean C. Wolf, LCSW-C

Licensed Social Worker
202 E. Main Street 304 York Street
Westminster, Md. 21157 Gettysburg, Pa. 17325
(410) 876-3030 (410) 596-4917

Therapeutic Divorce
A Dignified & Supportive Process for Families
Therapeutic Divorce-Narrative
The therapeutic divorce process as described here has developed out of recent
conversations between myself, Dawn Nee, Esq., attorney, Manchester, Maryland and
Scott Ruth, Esq., attorney, Hanover, Pennsylvania. The conversations centered on
developing a model for supporting families (adults and children) going through the
emotionally-laden process of divorce and its aftermath and the avoidance of protracted
litigation in courts in deciding outcomes for divorce and custody disputes. One idea that
was generated is that the law can function to serve the emotional and therapeutic needs of
families and mitigate the often de-humanizing and marginalizing inherent effects on
families in divorce and custody disputes.
Research on the emotional effects of divorce on adults and children are well known
and has been documented. Children are often caught in the middle of high levels of
conflict between divorcing parents are known to exhibit significant short term and long
term emotional and behavioral problems including but not limited to anxiety, depression,
academic and behavioral problems in school, anti-social and delinquent behavior, social
isolation and undue peer influences. Adults uniformly experience varying degrees of
anxiety, depression and low self esteem associated with divorce. It is not unusual to find
significant level of substance abuse in divorcing families. The all too frequent
adversarial approaches to law often do not focus or take into account the emotional
fallout of divorce, especially in children who often are the “silent sufferers.” In
therapeutic divorce, the emotional and therapeutic needs of all family members are taken
into account, identified and worked with in order to preserve and facilitate optimal
emotional and behavioral functioning in all family members. In families with children
going through divorce and custody disputes, this process lends itself well to meeting the
ongoing developmental needs of children who continue to need support, encouragement,
as well as consistent rules, expectations and guidelines from their parents.
Therapeutic divorce differs from other processes in the legal arena including
collaborative law, preventive law, mediation, arbitration, conciliation or other alternative
dispute resolution processes, although it may share some of the characteristics of each.
The focus in therapeutic divorce is centered on the family as the unit of service and
intervention with the assumption that dysfunctional patterns of behavior in the family unit
must be addressed and changed in order for the family to regain its equilibrium. The
process is optimistic, focuses on strengths and resilience in all family members and is
aimed at conflict resolution and restoration of parent and child well being. One of the

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assumptions is that only families are truly able to correct dysfunctional patterns of
relating and that imposed or expert driven resolutions that come from outside the family
unit from legal actors such as courts, lawyers, conciliators, arbitrators, parent
coordinators, custody evaluators, therapists and others are likely to be less than adequate
in solving familial disputes and problems. In this regard in therapeutic divorce problem
resolution and behavior change is much more likely to be sustainable over time in that
families are promoted as experts on their lives and are empowered to find solutions that
work best for them. Research evidence would strongly suggest that imposed solutions
from outside the family unit are likely to result in couples returning to court time and
again for additional litigation, disputes and modifications of agreements. Lawyers, courts
and other professionals involved in the lives of families going through divorce and
custody proceedings may find therapeutic divorce advantageous and more rewarding than
traditional adversarial processes in that the work of settling disputes is shared between
the legal community, families and family therapists and outcomes are dependent on the
quality of the collaboration.

Therapeutic Divorce-Orientation & Philosophy

• Families are the experts and final arbitrators of disputes
• Family structures that are dysfunctional will likely benefit from assessments,
therapeutic interventions and problem solving that is family-centered
• Identification of strengths, gifts, potentials and resilience in all family members
• The emotional well-being of children is primary
• Parents are encouraged, supported, challenged and empowered to remove
children from the middle of parental conflicts, ease the emotional distress of
their children through the divorce process and aftermath and participate in
collaborative, unified parenting practices
• Family determined solutions to problems are more likely to be sustainable over
time than imposed solutions by outside parties. Families are less likely to return
to court for additional disputes and modifications to agreements thereby not
occupying additional valuable court time that could be devoted to more
important legal matters
• Families that are successful may be enlisted as alumni and consultants to future
families going through similar divorce and custody disputes
• Therapeutic divorce may be seen as a viable pathway for preventing significant
exacerbation of emotional, behavioral and substance abuse disorders in children
and their families
• The social and natural support network of families including but not limited to
parents, children, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, neighbors, friends, peers,
pastors/ministers, significant others may be activated and empowered as
“interested parties” in influencing change in the family system

Therapeutic Divorce-Common dysfunctional dynamics and structures in families

Family structure and dynamics are major contributors to problems in adults and children.
Children living in chaotic and disorganized family systems where there are high levels of
conflict, such as divorce and custody disputes often exhibit significant emotional and
behavioral problems. Children are often the symptom bearers of larger problems in family

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systems. Therapeutic divorce focuses on identifying dysfunctional structures and dynamics
in families and targets interventions to re-structure and re-organize these patterns in
healthier and more functional directions. The expected result is that children and their
parents are able to maximize strengths and potentials and achieve more appropriate
developmental milestones. The following are some of the more notable dysfunctional
dynamics and structures found in families caught up in divorce/custody disputes:
• Parent Disunity & lack of collaboration-parental disagreement regarding major
rules, guidelines and expectations for their children
• Parents exhibiting significant mental health and substance abuse problems
• Parental child syndrome-children who assume parenting roles for their siblings
and parents; often parents are too overwhelmed to assume functional parent roles
• Poor parenting structures-too loving, too democratic, over controlling, punitive
• Multi-generational patterns-dysfunctional patterns of behavior including but not
limited to substance abuse, truancy, teen pregnancy, anti-social and criminal behavior,
physical, psychological and sexual abuse, lack of respect for authority
• Enmeshed family systems-families where there is over control, too much
closeness, too many rules, intense and conflict laden interactions, lack of respect for
autonomy
• Disengaged family systems-families where there is distance, lack of closeness
and disconnection among family members, lack of parental monitoring or supervision,
family members living in different worlds, lack of communication and information
exchange between parents
• Protective families- families where one or both parents make excuses and
rationalizations for their child’s dysfunctional behavior; no accountability, externalize
responsibility and blame others for inappropriate behavior of family members. Protective
families often exhibit patterns of juvenile delinquency and criminal behavior

Therapeutic Divorce-Methods
Referral for therapeutic divorce may likely come from courts, lawyers, mediators, best
interest attorneys, parent coordinators, conciliators, arbitrators, custody and other
evaluators, self referral from families in the process of divorce and other interested parties.
The process is relatively simple and straightforward. The referral source if at all possible is
invited to come to the first session, including opposing lawyers, parents and children.
Usually school age children and above are invited to the session. In the first session all
parties including myself co-create and develop the goals of the therapeutic divorce process.
Referral sources and family members are given adequate time to air concerns, explore
problem areas and make suggestions as to what is to be targeted for change. To avoid
unilateral decision making the “team” agrees to make changes to the plan only after
collaborative consultation among all members.
Special emphasis in the therapeutic divorce process is placed upon assessment of mental
health, substance abuse and relational problems in the family that are impacting on children
and adults. The team is charged with the responsibility of developing planning,
management and intervention to address the identified problems. Intervention strategies
for the family include counseling sessions in any agreeable combination including
individual, couple, family or social network intervention. If there are therapeutic impasses
or non-compliance the referral source may be asked to come for a team consultation to

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assist in keeping the process on course. The time line for successful completion of the
therapeutic divorce process is indeterminate and may include a few sessions or more and
is mostly dependent on the needs and desires of the family in consultation with the referral
source and family consultant (myself). Further, if the family is referred by the court the
particular mandates and parameters as set forth will be honored. All referral sources may
receive progress reports or evaluations with appropriate releases of information or waivers
if there is to be court testimony.
The therapeutic divorce process is expected to positively impact on the emotional well
being of children and their families, significantly resolve mental health, substance abuse
and dysfunctional relationship patterns/conflicts, enhance parenting practices and
encourage divorcing couples to settle their differences in a dignified manner. Therapeutic
divorce is not a legal process but rather a person and family centered process that places
psychological and emotional health of persons affected by the law and by legal actors as
one important consideration in moving families through the process of divorce and custody
disputes.

Dean C. Wolf, LCSW-C

Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Partners for Creative Collaboration

January 2011