The listing for the Nip + Fab Frown Fix:

This is a long description so please keep scrolling to read it all.  I get a bit carried away sometimes and can
waffle for England.  A couple of weeks ago I won a competition on a website called “In The Powder Room”.  It’s
a great website – you should go and have a look if you’re a woman.  In fact, even blokes can go and have a
read but it is mainly for women so whatever floats your boat.  Actually, I’d be interested in why you’re reading
this if you’re a bloke... do you worry about your “laughter lines” like us women do or do you think they add
character to your face?

Anyway, I digress.  I won this competition, received my prize and put it on the shelf next to my make-up bag
thinking, “I really don’t need that yet.  I’m GAWJUSS!”  Then last night I was reading the Daily Mail (I know...
shoot me!), saw that the “Nip + Fab Frown Fix” has sold out and there is a waiting list of almost 8,000 people at
a leading UK Pharmacy store.  It has been marketed as having long-term effects through prolonged use
because of the natural ingredients but quite how anyone knows that if it's a brand new product is beyond me.
Let's just believe the hype, eh?

Apparently the long-term results are almost as good as Botox and I hear that Victoria Beckham is a fan of this
product.  Maybe that’s why her face doesn’t move so much when she’s out in public?  it has also recently been
reported that some of the cast of “The Only Way Is Essex” are big fans.  So if you want that permanently
surprised look to go under your TOWIE tan then grab this opportunity.  And, to be honest, if you’re going to
use sunbeds instead of a TOWIE fake tan then you’re going to need this at some point to plump up your saggy,
leathery skin, aren’t you, so look at it as a long term investment.  Combat one with the other. 

Look on me as your Fairy Godmother *waves wand*.  You have the opportunity to buy my boxed and brand
new, un-used tube of the much-coveted Nip + Fab Frown Fix.  I won’t question or judge you why you need it
and you won't need to wait weeks until it is back in stock or sleep outside a shop for three days to get on a
waiting list to buy it.

And now for the science bit (from the website)...

Wrinkles and expression lines will be no more with this revolutionary instant line filler! The
concentrated formula plumps + smoothes the appearance of expression lines, fine lines + wrinkles;
hydrating + moisturising skin to leave your face smooth + instantly younger. Conveniently sized to fit
into even the smallest of handbags, make sure you always have Frown Fix with you for your plumping
fix on-the-go!

We’re picking Frown Fix to be the next cult Nip+Fab product, rivalling even Tummy Fix, so make sure
you stock up immediately!
·        
amino acids smooth + minimise the look of expression lines
·        
purslane extract hydrates + diminishes the appearance of wrinkles
·        
centella extract  fine lines appear visibly reduced

Size: 4ml 0.14 fl oz.

Seeing as though I’m a nice (wrinkle-free) person, I’m going to start the bidding at 99p and see where we end
up.  I've even listed it on a short (3 day) listing so that you can get your Nip + Fab Frown Fix quicker!  The photo
is one that I took this evening on my mobile phone.  I'm not into stealing other people's photos to make a
quick buck.    

I’d love it if you looked through my Terms and Conditions before bidding but if you have any questions please
let me know.  I will send out this item as soon as humanly possibly after payment has cleared in Paypal.  If
payment is received before 4pm I'll even post it out the same day because I'm nice like that.  
 Questions and Answers:

Being as you are such a nice and gawjuss lady, i was just wondering as to how you define whether or not
someone would need to use this product? Will it plump out my Dot Cotton fag hag mouth... those lines and
wrinkles are a right pain when my scarlett lipstick bleeds into them, looks like ive had a munch on a blood
sucking spider eurghhhh! Really not a good look next to my tangoed skin. Will it unfold the crease in my
forehead that appears every morning while i've slept?...i must have really frustrating dreams as I don't
frown at all during the day? DO you have any advice as to how to have more pleasant dreams that wont
leave me creased in the morning?? I know your target audience for this is women, but was wondering if it
would have a "smoothing" effect on a mans very wrinkly area? tbh that area is most unsightly and if it could
be smoothed out would be far more attractive - could be onto a new thing here??? "reaches the areas that
you wouldnt want a botox needle!" Zabby x

Dear Miss Zabby, Thanks awfully for your long and thought-out question. As this is a rare and much-coveted
item that is unopened and un-used I cannot possibly begin to comment on the promises that this product
makes other that what I read in the UK newspapers and magazines which, of course, is ALWAYS true. If you win
this item then maybe you could test this product on the many areas that haven't been considered and report
back to the makers? Alternatively, always walking into the wind helps, I find.

Hello there, I am the secret granddaughter of Nanny Pat. Nanny would like to know if this product will work
for her. She was one of the 8,000 but left after she'd eaten her chicken paste sandwiches as it was Foxy
Bingo day. Can you let me know if she should bid?

Poor Nanny Pat. You'd have thought that your cousins, Mark and Jessica, would have either queued on her
behalf or asked Amy to donate a tube? Maybe Nanny Pat should pass this one off and book herself in for a
vajazzling instead?

Dear Gawjuss. Quick question, will this help my cat bum mouth? Ive been trying too hard to look like VB and
now Ive gone and made my lips look like her sphincter as well. Please please please say this will help my
mouth area go from tea towel holder to stretched out fag holder. Also, you can use my forehead as a
magazine rack, do you *really* think this will help? Thanks, Not so Gawjuss Justine

Darling Justine. As I explained to Miss Zabby in an earlier question, I am not a beauty expert - I have just been
blessed with good genes and smooth skin. I would suggest that maybe you write to Leslie Ash for some beauty
tips or practice the "duckface" as I think this will have the effect that you desire. In the meantime, you'd do no
harm in trying to win this item for the rest of your wizened face. After all, it's about balance at the end of the
day, isnt it?

If I bid on & purchsed this item would I need to apply it at room temperature?
Dear taffy_girl1, I would have to say that depending on where you are in the house, room temperature can
change from room to room so I think it would be best to apply it at the room temperature of the room you are
in unless you have a special walk-in fridge or oven but that may be a bit dangerous and I wouldn't want anyone
to come to any harm whilst using this product and trying to request their money back. Wishing you lots of luck
with bidding on and winning this item.

Dear Tally Would this also get rid of the many wrinkles on my wobbly belly? Love MK rather than jaykay :D

Ooohhh you're a bit familiar, aren't you Mrs MK-rather-than-JK? No worries, we're all friends here, aren't we? I
would like to stress that I'm not a beauty expert - I'm just naturally GAWJUSS - but I'd say if you won this item
then you could try it on any part of your body. You may need more than one tube though if your belly is *that*
wobbly.

Dear Tallulah, I just thought I would report back after your previous advice re "walking into the wind",
unfortunately I think I may have misconstrued what you were implying as I relayed this nugget of wisdom to
Mr Zabby. I guess I was still thinking about those wrinkly man areas and thought the wind advice was in
regards to that. Unfortunately Mr Zabby has been arrested for "swinging in the wind" and outraging public
decency :-o .... on the plus side, they did seem a little firmer after although that may well have been because
he was a little chilly....

Dear Ms Zabby. I do hope that this is not a request for bail funds. You're not having the money from the sale of
my Frown Fix! May I suggest that the next time Mr Zabby decides to "swing low" or "run free" then he tuck
himself in a la the scene in Silence of the Lambs. And maybe not to "walk into the wind" towards Asda in case
shoppers mistake anything for a button mushroom. Have you bid on my item yet?