LIFE IN THE BIG CITY: THE STORY OF BEST FRIENDS LIVING IN OTTAWA

SEASON 1 - EPISODE 1: 69 CANDLEZ

Created: 4-NOV-2009

TRANSCRIPT WRITEN BY BRUCE LANDRY TO PITCH TO CTV OTTAWA.

DO NOT ARCHIVE/POST/USE THIS TRANSCRIPT WITHOUT PERMISSION!

IF FOUND PLEASE RETURN TO BRUCE LANDRY AT 613-255-1414.

==========================
DISCLAIMER:
==========================
"LIFE IN THE BIG CITY" and other related entities are owned, (TM) and © by Bruce Landry.
This transcript is posted here without their permission, approval, authorization or
endorsement. Any reproduction, duplication, distribution or display of this material in any
form or by any means is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for
commercial gain. For entertainment and educational purposes only. No infringement
intended.
==========================
TRANSCRIPT:
==========================

Opening Credits: Music written and performed by Lights

CUT TO: Bruce and friends posing by the fountain in front of City Hall (really cool like,
similar to the show Friends)

STARWIPE: Kyle stands on the corner smoking a cigarette (dressed in a totally sweet
leather jacket)

CUT TO: Car approaches the friends standing by fountain and splashes them because it is
raining. Bruce does not get splashed and laughs at the friends.

FADE TO: Kyle running from campus security.

CUT TO: Friends standing by fountain and then Kyle runs by. All the friends shake their
heads as if to say, “typical Kyle”.

END OF OPENING CREDITS

SCENE ONE:

Kyle: I’m so excited.

Bruce: It’s weird that it’s finally here. Okay how is my audition?

Kyle: I know. Seriously Bruce this could be like your big break.

Bruce: I called my voice coach and I was like “Um…I need a lesson tomorrow”.

Kyle: Yeah get on that.

Bruce: Like badly. I like have a great voice and I am a really dope rapper.

Kyle: You are pretty awesome and cool. Remind me I have to pick up my leather jacket
from the dry cleaners. So are you excited for tonight?

Bruce: I’m really excited. I feel like I may or may not puke all over.

Kyle: Yeah, it’ll be so much fun.

Bruce: I know. Does this look okay?

Bruce puts on a turtle neck shirt with a picture of Tupac Shakur on it over his head.

Kyle: That looks so rad. I like turtlenecks a lot though.

Bruce: Who doesn’t?

Kyle: I just think that if you invited DJ and Dougie Fresh, I don’t know, the group I guess
would have been random.

Bruce: Plus, we’re not even that good friends with Dougie Fresh and DJ.

Kyle: Like growing apart. Plus Dougie Fresh is so lame. He tried to come with us to the
campus bar 1869 for Loonie Mondays but I was like, I don`t think so brotha!

Bruce: Like we never talk to them but we are going to their birthday I guess. Even though
Dougie is a douche bag.

Kyle: Yeah. Yeah!

Bruce: This birthday is going to be just like that movie “18 Candles” only way more bad
ass!!!

Kyle: We should totally rename it 69 Candlez!!!

Bruce: Word to the bird

Kyle: This is the best day of my life.

Random Man walks by.

Random Man: I love that sick leather jacket Kyle.

END OF SCENE

CUT TO: The Mall

DJ and Dougie Fresh are shopping

Dougie Fresh: Is it just me or have Bruce and Kyle been really retarded lately?

DJ: Yeah sorta. Well doesn’t Kyle’s brother have that downs thing? Kyle kept on telling me,
he’s like “I like you better when you’re not around your friends”. I was like wait.

Dougie Fresh: Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He likes you better when he’s not around like me?

DJ: Yeah.

Dougie Fresh: When you’re not around me?

DJ: Yeah. “I just don’t like you Dougie Fresh”. (They walk in a store)

Woman: Hello

Dougie Fresh: Hello. (They look at axe spray) I just love this stuff. Smells so friggin’ good.
All the pretty mama’s love it. That is a tip for you. Put it in your pocket for l8er sk8er.

DJ: You are such a jive cat.

Dougie Fresh: I don’t know what it is but just lately they’ve been not that nice like not that
friendly.

DJ: Mean.

Dougie Fresh: Kind of like stand offish.

DJ: Two faced.

Dougie Fresh: Hmm…I can think of a person just like that.

CUT TO: Hair Salon

Bruce: I should totally get my bum hair bleached for my big party incase I hook up with a
sexy baby.

Kyle: Yeah you totally should.

Bruce: I usually shave but since my brother left for school there is no one to do it.

Kyle: Well hun! I could help.

Bruce and Kyle sit quietly in an awkward silence. No one says anything.

Homeless man outside the window dances crazily with blood all over his face.

CUT TO: Bruce’s Birthday Party

Bruce: Oh my gosh. It’s my birthday. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry but it will be
extremely hard.

Jenny-Pie: This is the best party ever

Dan: This party is fun.

Kyle enters the room

Kyle: Everybody! Smell K-Rock`s finnnnnnnger.

Everyone laughs hysterically

Bruce: Typical Kyle!

Kyle: I got you a present Bruce.

Bruce: Thanks. I bet it is really nice.

Kyle: It is a cd of your favorite artist.

Bruce: Wow, fun.

Random man walks by.

Random Man: That is the best gift ever. PS: I love your jacket Kyle.

Bruce: I love your jacket Kyle.

Jenny-pie: I love your jacket Kyle

Kyle: I love my jacket

Random family walks by.

Random child: Dad! Look at that cool jacket.

Random father: Ok son lets keep walking. That guy is obviously a street tough.

Harry walks into the room.

Harry: It’s busy in here eh. That cd is super pimpin’ but I don’t like that jacket Kyle.

Jenny-pie spits out her drink. Bruce drops what he is holding. Kyle swings his head around.
Everyone in the restaurant goes completely quiet. The sound of a coin dropping is audible.

Harry: I said I don’t like it. I LOVE IT!

Everyone in the restaurant laughs and shakes their heads in agreement.

Kyle: Whatchu talkin’ about Willis?

Jenny-pie: Thats a nice cd.

Bruce: Hello Jenny-pie. You said you are having fun.

Jenny-pie: Cause I am silly head.

Kyle laughs and fixes his leather jacket.

Tron: Jenny-Pie’s cool, dude.

Stephen: I know.

Tron: But I mean like…

Stephen: But I think me and her might be going back out again. But I think it’ll be
something completely different. I don’t know. We’ll see what happens. I wanna hang out
with her a lot this summer.

Polster: Jenny-Pie’s a dope chick.

Jenny-pie: I am sitting right here.

Waitor arrives with a platter of pizza pockets.

Kyle: More Mountain Dewwww!!!

Everybody laughs.

CUT TO: Party

Jenny-Pie’s getting his number.

Guy: 5257? (She nods)

Bruce: How come it’s my birthday and you get the guy? Where are all the sexy babes?
(Everyone gets up and dances)

CUT TO: DJ’s House

They are having a family dinner

Jim: So um what’s the deal? Making progress with your grades today? Any notes? No?

Kathy: What happens when you don’t get a note? You get the lecture.

Jim: You know DJ, I understand this is a throwaway year okay? But you can get C’s. C’s are
fine, okay? Anything below a C is not fine.
DJ: The point is there’s so little motivation for me to do well in school. I will get my C’s in
my class, I will pass, I will graduate. That’s not a problem. I promise you I will do that.

Jim: Do what you gotta do. ‘Cause you’re in jail till you get it up.

DJ: Are you serious?

Jim: Absolutely. You can’t have grades like that. Get it up. You can’t have a grade below a C
or you’re in jail, so get it up.  

CUT TO: Party

Everyone is leaving.

Bruce: This was so fun. Don’t you think it was fun?

Kyle: It was fun. It was a good birthday. I really got a lot of compliments regarding this
jacket too.

Bruce: It was perfect. This was so nice of you. That is a cool jacket.

Phone rings. Kyle answers.

Kyle: Hello?

Random Deep Voice: Is this Kyle?

Kyle: Yes? Who is this?

Random Deep Voice: I just wanted to say that I love your jacket.

The line goes dead.

Bruce: Who was that?

Kyle: It’s that weird man who keeps calling and telling me about how he loves my jacket.

Bruce: Everyone is a fan. Thanks again for the knarley birthday.

Kyle: Well you deserve it. Hellooooo, you’d do the same for me.

Bruce: I wouldn’t... Just kidding!!!! (They laugh hysterically. This carries on for 5 minutes)

Kyle: I was thinking about it and I was like looking around at everyone + I was just like
“I’m so grateful Bruce is my best friend”. Like seriously though, it’s like good to have
someone that like backs me up or supports me in my decisions or just like with church and
like morals and like just being like the only virgin of all my friends, you know?

Bruce: We share that... And that one girl in Mexico last spring.
Kyle: Exactly. We connect on that level and with Mexican woman. I’m just so glad it works
out, you know? I love you. (They hug)

Bruce: Honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better friend than you. I really couldn’t. (They put their
stuff in the car and leave)

CUT TO: DJ’s House

DJ: Daddy, Dougie Fresh thinks I shouldn’t be grounded.

Dougie Fresh: I think that DJ should not be grounded.

Jim: I’m willing to listen to your argument.

Dougie Fresh: Well Jim, DJ is 28 years old and has been moved out of your house for 10
years.

Jim: Yes.

Dougie Fresh: DJ is a wonderful person.

Jim: She’s a great kid.

Dougie Fresh: I don’t think that her grades reflect on her as a person. I don’t think she’s a
bad kid, or a kid at all. Jim please just let her come out with me.

Jim: Hey Dougie Fresh, can you and DJ go talk to Mr. Owlez and see if you can do some
kind of special project?

DJ: He won’t.

Dougie Fresh: He won’t let us do anything like that.

Jim: Are you sure?

Dougie Fresh: Positive.

Jim: Did you ask him before?

Dougie Fresh: 98% Positive.

Jim: (Holds up two fingers) Well then you got a 2% chance. Make it happen Dougie Fresh.
You can do it. You and DJ can be very persuasive.

DJ: This is you ruining my senior year.

Jim: It is not. You know what? It’s…

DJ: “This is your senior year, you’re gonna cruise, you know? Don’t worry about grades”.
And then when my grades come, be like “You’re not gonna cruise, you’re grounded”.
Kathy: Why are we ruining it when you’re the one who brought in those grades?

DJ: Because you told me that I was gonna cruise.

Kathy: You can cruise, but you can not get D’s and F’s. That’s not cruising, that’s failing.

Dougie Fresh: Yeah, she does have a point. I’m sorry she does.  I want you to be able to
come out with me, duh!

DJ: Hey Dougie Fresh.

Dougie Fresh: Sorry I tried. Your mom does have a point though you shouldn’t be failing.
I’m sorry. Just don’t fail your classes.

DJ: Dougie Fresh, you suck.

Dougie Fresh: Stop failing, go out.

CUT TO: A Nail Salon

Bruce and Kyle are in there.

Kyle: Hi.

Bruce: Hello.

Kyle: Good. We have an appointment. Kyle and Bruce.

Woman: You want to pick your polish?

Bruce: I’ll just get a french.

Kyle: I want the hot pink. Don’t get french on your toes. It looks like your toes are your
fingers.

Bruce: I know. I have it right now.

Kyle: (Moves her pants up) look how dry my legs are. I’m so stoked you know what I
mean? I love how we picked Cornwall over Renfrew you know?

Bruce: Just to get away from all those people too.

Kyle: Although my dad doesn’t wanna it to be like that. He was like giving me scenarios.
“You’re walking down the street Kyle and like a man grabs you guys and pulls you into an
alley and you know has a gun to your head and like takes your bags or whatever. Jesus
Christ, he could even take your leather jacket”.

Bruce: Not that amazing leather jacket! Someone holds a gun to your head?

Kyle: Okay maybe I added the gun. (Bruce laughs)

Bruce: Do you think Dougie Fresh and DJ know about the party last night?

Kyle: Probably. I mean like everyone went.

Bruce: Oh well. (Dougie Fresh and DJ walk in. Bruce and Kyle Dougie look at each other)

Dougie Fresh: Hi.

Bruce: Hey guys.

Dougie Fresh: Good how are you?

Bruce: Good.

Kyle: When do you guys leave for Renfrew?

DJ: Tomorrow morning.

Dougie Fresh: You’re not going to Renfrew.

Kyle: I know.

Bruce: You leave tomorrow? How exciting.

Dougie Fresh: Where are you guys going?

Bruce: Cornwall.

Kyle: Whoo! Yeah!

DJ: I like your earrings Bruce.

Dougie Fresh: Were they a birthday gift?

Bruce: Yeah Gary gave them to me. Matching green shirt.

Dougie Fresh: Of course a matching green shirt.

DJ: I don’t know what coDougie Freshr I want. (She gets up)

Kyle: Bruce did you tell them about your Broadway?

Bruce: No.

Kyle: Tell them. Hey guys guess what Bruce gets to do.

Dougie Fresh: What?

Bruce: Guess what I get to do in Cornwall.

Dougie Fresh: What do you get to do in Cornwall?

Bruce: I have an audition with the casting director who casts Wicked, Rent, and Hairspray.

Dougie Fresh: Are you serious? Oh my goodness. She got an audition for Broadway.

DJ: What’s Wicked?

Bruce: They’re a show. Like the top shows that are on there.

Dougie Fresh; What about SMU? Did you get in?

Bruce: Yeah.

Dougie Fresh: Oh thank god.

Bruce: Did you get in SC? (Dougie Fresh shakes her head) You didn’t? (She shakes it again)
Oh. I’m sorry.

Dougie Fresh: I’m crying.

DJ: Is there two trays open?

Dougie Fresh: Um, I’ll go. Can I start?

Woman: Yes.

Dougie Fresh: Okay.

Kyle: I’ll be out in like two seconds.

DJ: So yeah. (Dougie Fresh sits in the chair)

Bruce: You’re still going to that fashion school right, DJ?

DJ: It’s an art school.

Bruce: Art school, fashion school, whatever. Oh I’m supposed to be at work right now.

Dougie Fresh: Where does she work?

Bruce: A flower shop.

DJ: Bruce where do you work?

Bruce: A flower shop. I don’t think it’s gonna work for me.

(She gets up) Bye guys.

Dougie Fresh: Have fun at work.

DJ: See you in a week.

Bruce: Have fun.

DJ: See you.

Bruce: Bye. (She leaves)

Kyle: Oh I Dougie Freshve these shoes. I’m so wearing this to the beach.

DJ: Let me see them.

Dougie Fresh: Oh I want some.

DJ: You’ll get ‘em, you’ll get ‘em. (DJ sits where Kyle was)

Kyle: Have fun in Renfrew.

Dougie Fresh: Bye.

DJ: Bye. See you in a week.

Dougie Fresh: Have fun in Cornwall. (Kyle leaves)

CUT TO: Airplane

It shows Kyle and Bruce on their flight to Cornwall

CUT TO: Cornwall

They’re on their way to the hotel

Bruce: Ooh, I see our hotel or should I say Mooooootttttteeellllllll. (They get out of the cab)

CUT TO: Their motel room

Bruce: Holy crap! Look at our view Kyle.

Kyle: That farm is right there. Don’t you have to call your music lady?

Bruce: Crap, yeah I do. (He listens to the lady) Yeah okay.

Woman: Try to get here five minutes early.

Bruce: Bitch please, I am going to be there when I want. (Bruce grabs his crotch and
scratches it real hard like)
Woman: (Woman smiles) Have a good night.

Bruce: You too. Bye. (She hangs up) Wow. Oh god.

Kyle: Sounds pretty hard.

Bruce: I know. (He lies on the bed) I don’t want to do this.

Kyle and Bruce break out in song in the A-key. The song is Peter Frampton: Baby I Love
Your Way

*Singing*

Bruce: Oooooh Baby I love your way. Everyday, yeah yeah yeah

Kyle: Wanna tell you I love your way. Everyday yeah yeah yeah

Bruce: Wanna be with you night and day. Everyday yeah yeah yeah

*Song ends*

Bruce: I’m happy. I know. I’m excited about it. I’m happy. Everyday yeah yeah yeah?

(Kyle laughs)

Kyle: Okay. Lets just enjoy our time in this beautiful city. I bet there are some fly hunnies
for us to pork somewhere around here. I think I saw a legion from the taxi-cab.

Bruce: Should we go?

Kyle: What are you thinking right now?

Bruce: I don’t know.

CUT TO: Father and Sons restaurant – DJ goes to dinner with Harry.

DJ: You’re smart Harry.

Harry: Yeah I’m smart. I’m gifted. I just don’t use my talents.

DJ: Oh yeah. Me too. So I got a note that said I was in danger of failing.

Harry: If you fail can you not become a doctor still?

DJ: I am not sure if they allow that? I think you have to pass University before they will let
you practice medicine.

Harry: No way. No way. So you’ll have to finish all 4 years of school? (She shakes her head)
DJ: I’m gonna graduate.

Harry: You will. You’ll graduate. If you need my help you know where to call me.

DJ: Yeah.

Harry: You know I’m probably in the same predicament. To be honest I didn’t even pass
highschool.

(DJ and Harry laugh)

Harry: No seriously, I am not enrolled here.

(Awkward silence)

Awkward silence breaks with a conversation about how cool Kyle’s leather jacket is.

DJ: I love leather jackets and Kyles is so amazing.

Harry: I know right! I love those buttons on it. Makes him look like a cutie-pa-tutie.

Waitor drops off the pop tarts and cantolope.

DJ: Lets eat! This looks amazing!

Harry: Excuse me waitor. Can we get some more cranberry sauce?

Waitor: Certainly sir! And does your wife want anything else?

DJ: I am not his wife. We are just having dinner together.

Waitor: Sorry miss.

DJ: I am going to get that *racist comment* fired!

Waitor: I am still standing right here.

Harry: You’ll shut up if you know what’s good for you.

Waitor: Ok sorry.

Harry sits pointing his finger at the waitor.

CUT TO: Cornwall

Kyle: You’re nervous about tomorrow morning. It’s crazy homeboy. You’re gonna be on
Broadway or at least on Rideau Street this summer.

Bruce: Ugh, stop saying that.

Kyle: Okay but say, just hypothetically, that you get this Broadway.  

Bruce: I don’t want to talk about this.

Kyle: I know. But just what would you do?

Bruce: I don’t want to talk about it.

Kyle: Hypothetically.

Bruce: I don’t want to talk about it.

Kyle; Would you move here?

Bruce: I don’t want to talk about it.

Kyle: Why not?

Bruce: I just don’t wanna talk about it.

Kyle: But I don’t understand why not.

Bruce: I just don’t wanna talk about it Kyle.

CUT TO: The Next Morning – Bruce’s Audition

Kyle: Whoo! Your audition today.

Bruce: Yeah.

Kyle: Get that voice warmed up baby. (They go in the building)

Bruce: I have an audition at 10:15. (To a girl) So what are you auditioning for?

Girl: For Rent.

Bruce: Oh.

Girl: It’s impossible not to be nervous.

Bethany: Bruce?

Bruce: Yeah.

Bethany: Are you ready?

Bruce: Uh huh.

Bethany: Come on in.

Bruce: Hello.

Bethany: Give your music to Eddie.

Bruce: Hello. (Gives it to him. The music starts to play. It shows Kyle listening) (Singing) I
give you my destiny. I’m giving you all of me. I want your symphony singing in all that I
am. At the top of my lungs, I’m giving it back. And I lay my head down and lift my hands
and pray to be only yours. I pray to be only yours. I know now you’re my only hope. (The
playing stops)

Bethany: Nice job.

Bruce: Thank you.

Bethany: You sound great. You have a beautiful voice.

Bruce: Thank you.

Bethany: Great presence.

Bruce: Thank you.

Bethany: But do you mind if I give you a little advice?

Bruce: Oh no. I’d love that yeah.

Bethany: Okay great. Luckily today I had plenty of time but without a doubt any other
audition that you would go into you have cut off about 2 and a half minutes ago because
that’s too long of an audition. Aside from just having a beautiful voice and looking great,
you’re really seeming confident which you did, which is great. What we’re looking for is
someone who really captures a character and someone whose really committed too acting
and takes risks and raises the stakes, okay?

Bruce: Uh huh.

Bethany: You know what I mean?

Bruce: Yeah.

Bethany: Keep working on that because you sound great.

Bruce: Thank you so much. Thanks for your time.

Bethany: Yeah.

Bruce: It was a great opportunity, thank you.

Bethany: Yeah. PS: I really like that Kyle guy’s leather jacket.

Bruce: Okay. (He takes his music and leaves) (To a girl) Good luck.
Kyle: How did it go? Well?

Bruce: It was fun. Let’s go sight seeing now.

Kyle: Yeah. (At the end we hear Bruce sing)

Kyle stops and poses in his leather jacket. Billy Squire – Stroke Me plays loudly as the
credits role. The picture of Kyle in his leather jacket remains on the screen.

The End

==========================
PROPERTY OF BRUCE LANDRY - 613-255-1414