New Zealand SOLE 2011 A journaling space for head, heart, and spirit: New Zealand SOLE 2011

Note: As you read the entries below, please realize that they are in exact form as they appeared in my original long-hand journal. Some thoughts revolve around the trip and its experiences, some around the thoughts swirling in my head. All of this allows for a better position of understanding. Cheers and enjoy! May 9, 2011 Flying over the continental United States And so it beginsour trek through the sky to LAX, then on to Auckland. What to think of this all? As time passes, that what needs to be revealed shall be. I enjoy things such as these to submit to a position of patience, knowing I am no in the drivers seat. I look around; this group of students excites me: the young energy and desire to release from the grips of comfort to explore a new land and culture. The adventure ahead in and outside of our person, our [shared] presence is sure to shift definition of life. On that notefull steam ahead!

8:23 pm (EST) Its crazy to fathom that we are traversing the length of this country coast to coast- in 5 hours and change. At which point we will be roughly shy of a third the distance yet to be travelled. This is a large and expansive country that we live in, yet it passes beneath our planes wings like a buttered knife over bread. I suppose all of this puts me into a position of respect. We are so much smaller than we make ourselves (and our culture) out to be. Perhaps that is one element I look forward to being less of me and more of us a connected global community.

New Zealand SOLE 2011 May 10, 2011 4:21 am (EST)

I write by headlamp on the long plane ride to Auckland. The service aboard Flight 5 has been first-class. I guess when you submit passengers to endure 12+ hours suspended in an oblong tube you ought to treat them as royalty. I find it difficult to find a dream-state. Many around me watch movies or lull in a fixation of sleep. I wonder what is flowing through their minds; their subconscious? May 12, 2011 8:50 am (NZ) Last night was the first full night of sleep since waking up Monday morning (May 9th) in Boone. It is a now Thursday and spirits continue to be high as well all mingle and chat after breakfast. We are in Akoroa (about 1.5 hours SE of Christchurch) on the Banks Peninsula. The views from the vantage atop a hillside above Okains Bay are fantabulous.

I thoroughly enjoy seeing the ocean to my forefront and the mountains to my left in all their grandeur and wildness. I am reminded of Colorado in this wonderful place though a uniqueness of this place holds sway in saying its something same or similar (entirely) to where Ive been privileged to live. There is this one peak from our site that is topped by a solid appearing rock face nearing 100-120 feet in height definitely a place worth exploring if time and more freedom allowed. 9:00 am is approaching and 10 minutes past that we will embark for/on a half-day trip down the bay to take in some cultural immersion.

New Zealand SOLE 2011 May 14, 2011 8:48 am (NZ)

As we drive up the coast towards Picton I reflect much like the reflections of the warm sun off the waves [of the ocean].

Im an emotional beast. Im moved to be in touch with that which is inside me. I cannot fight or contest who I am. The shells I harden around my core are there for reasons, but the justification isnt. One day Ill break through; one day soon. I open and turn like the pages in this book [my physical journal], though each turn, each page is a new and unique chance to express. May 17, 2011 7:47 pm (NZ)

Sunrise at Asbestos Cottage.

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Normal start to a day of tramping in NZ, eh?

Kyle, Lauren, and day 2 of a rainbow.

Where do I begin? The epic-ness began at 5:30 am when the alarm in my head set-off. The 1st part of the day was very normal, in terms of tramping in New Zealand, but the views continued to be stupendous. Challenge first met the group when we, as a group, decided to take the long, arduous track to Balloon Hut. The trek to such entailed 16.5 km (~9.8 mi) and 2,000 feet of elevation gain/loss. If that wasnt enough to challenge the able-bodied soul, the weather added a plus 10 to the level of exertion [mental and physical]. 50 -70 mph wind (100-120 kmph), driving rain turned snow/sleet up higher, and a swollen creek crossing compounded the epic-ness faced. One member of our 9 part team fell a few feet of the track as we traversed towards Lake Peel, below Mt. Peel. (Luckily the brush just off-trail caught her fall otherwise she would have gone for a potentially mortal tumble down the mountain.) With tears in her eyes she composed herself and the group continued. I can remember asking her: Lauren, where is your head at? To which her reply focused on the moments past. Shifting, I asked her to focus on the present as there was much [challenge] ahead yet.

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Blunt honesty admits my mind is struggling to write clearly and succinctly. I felt great relief once we reached the hut and my role as co-leader subsided.

The arduous white track ahead in the middle ground, as it sneaks below Mt. Peel with fatal consequences waiting below those that tread too lightly.

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The morning after the epic-ness. (Top left to bottom right) Abby, Kyle, Lauren, Stephanie, and Alan bask in the safe, warm morning sunlight at Balloon Hut.

May 18, 2011 5:25 pm (NZ) I intended to write more about yesterdays epic ordeal but I find myself needing more time to mentally masticate the occurrences. One thing I am observing 20/20 is the students in my group, or the group I am a member of, rather. Much of my grad schooling has been focused around college student development. Learning what I have in Theories class, for example, allows me a unique view on the young souls around me. I admit easily that we all are still cycling and recycling through stages of development, but being that I have experienced, generally speaking, what these students face, I think and feel for them as they move through their lives of development and growth. My early 20s, and for all intensive purposes my mid-20s, were some of the most challenging times yet faced in my young life. Ive had so many spots and spaces of cognitive dissonance. Within these I have experienced much reflection and internal dialogue. These have led me where I am now and the person I subscribe to be. I feel committed to myself and it has been a long time in the making. I wonder if these students will experience such. Its different and unique for all I know they will and I feel I am slightly shading a cognitive path to self-discovery through my actions and positions of love and care.

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Tramping and learning alongside Lauren and Kyle. May 24, 2011 9:53 am (NZ)

Jeremiah with students surrounding. Roaring Lion Hut, Day 1 of rafting the Karamea.

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The backcountry portion is complete. 5 days tramping and 3 rafting leaves me and the rest of the group at the Last Resort in Karamea.

The porch at The Last Resort, Town of Karamea. With 1 hour to go before we once again pack-up and set-forth I sit and reflect Checked my email for the 2nd time since Ive been here; nice to hear from family and friends [specifically, Crystal Simmons about my success with Project Big Green Tree on the ASU Sustain website, and Maura, my girlfriend in Boone] otherwise it seems a nuisance. Of the 20 minute time period I had, I am amazed how quickly those minutes passed how 20 minutes of my life could pass so quickly. Makes me ponder the amount of time Ive spent in the past on email, facebook, etc. This all tries me; my soul. One thing apparent is how free I feel without a cell phone or a computer chained figuratively around my leg. All of this thought impulses me towards rejecting what I, as well as the majority of my society, deem normal. As Andrew [Miller] said though, there are ways to manage between the two worlds. I dont want to manage through. That sounds much like having a hand, or two, in more than one area/arena. No thank you. Perhaps one day after [grad] school is over I can find a way to sever the multiple hands in different areas. Ive dabbled more and more with the idea of moving into the mountains out West and making my initial job to be surviving and living off the land. I am not alone in my longing for adventure and challenge. Others [namely one student named Kyle on this trip] Ive shared this thought with feel drawn to my

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incubated idea. There have been others before me to do such (Dick Proennekehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Proenneke), and [will be] others behind me. To preserve the life of simple-ness, and [to] either [save and secure] self or small group reliance [for life and happiness]. We harbor this potential but we have become quite rusty and complacent with our conveniences and privileges as a first world country. After establishment, Id hope to draw others or more hard workers willing to make daily life a testament to survival in basic, relative comforts (hot water, shelter, good food and strong friends). I must learn though first. I must learn more from those currently in this space. They exist and my goal will be to seek them and learn. A long-term goal would be to facilitate others in this direction if and when they are willing to disconnect from the society we subscribe to currently (technology, etc.). In terms of my leadership position amongst the students I feel I feel admired one minute and disregarded the other. If I am effective it is beyond my current grasp as to why. If I fail at reaching these students I point out my success in becoming one with them trading effective positioning for comfort [and acceptance] amongst the dynamic. Sometimes, often, I have become withdrawn inside not finding a common soul to share my challenges with. Jeremiah [Haas] is busy with his own challenges and Andrew [Miller] is sometimes challenging for me to approach. It will be figured and sorted. 4:52 pm (NZ) R&R days before the final portion of sea kayaking. Rain falls all around us at the Rough and Tumble Bush Lodge. The river below the lodge has been hurriedly rising, burying much of the rocks and compounding existing moods (mine included). I feel Ive lost the ability to communicate with them [the students]. This most certainly is a darker spot of this trip. I relate with a few but not enough to ask them to willingly hear my burden. I desire to communicate from my heart but what comes out isnt from such; or, if it comes from where intended it gets lost between my body space and theirs. The Ego is a misdirecting bastard. Some Egos on this trip are inflamed all too often. Id consider myself an Ego-driven person; at one point more than now. Ive slowly hatched the learning for observing myself/my Ego before it ruins my intended thought. A few times in heated moments of debate or heavy/deep conversation Ive lost what I wanted to say. In this I feel my loss in communicating [effectively]. Kyle clings particularly to my words and I appreciate where he comes from. In a younger age I treaded where he does now.

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Kyle Ive treaded in my own ways similar waters to what many of these students do; sometimes too recently so. Im glad and appreciative to have had the experiences I have, but seeing them and feeling vicariously attached to them again pushes me into introspective space. How can I emerge and share with those that challenge? *** I feel the need to be deeper because many of them are so superficial; almost if I have to make up for the difference, the gap in cognitive space. Perhaps that is my weaknessperhaps I am too far removed and thus ineffective. May 28, 2011 8:44 pm (NZ) Sea Kayaking, Abel Tasman National Park

Looking out from Bark Bay campsiteday 3

New Zealand SOLE 2011 Holy Cow! The stars here in Abel Tasman National Park are amazingly spectacular.

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Ive seen views [similar to these] before but the buffet spread before me for my eyes to feast upon was something unknowing [unexpected]. To walk upon the beach and hear the waves crash with such beauty above my cerebral dome it shortens me for words. I struggled through our time at Rough and Tumble Eco Bush Lodge (my last date and 2 times of entry). A note from Maura helped push me, myself into an open headspace. Sometimes beauty isnt always obvious and we have to try a little harder to find the beauty in a person, place, situation, what have you. My advice is that if you ever find yourself in a less-than-ideal situation, or head space, remember to be uplifting and find the beauty that is worth appreciating in everything you do, and everyone you interact with. Also, last night I had quite an amazing conversation with Kyle, spilling-over and building upon a conversation we started in the car ride from Punakiki (Pancake rocks and service project area) to Motueka (where we prepped for our sea kayak). Kyle has such a young energy for life and his mind seeks to grow. He is not one to stagnate and he has done quite a bit of mind-opening in his young life.

Kyle I appreciate the space and ability to share with him my challenges (from this trip, as well as in my own life) as he soaks up what I say and feedbacks his own thoughts. The transition into sea kayaking and small groups (10 in ours from NC, 2 from NZ) brings a brighter spot to my experience. An early day awaits with relatively little distance to cover (6 km).

New Zealand SOLE 2011 June 2, 2011 11:27 am (NZ) Riding in the back of the van Impulsive Poetry: Resynthesize the synthesized. Spiral around the start the spot marking a departure from relative comfort.

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Within the spectrum of learning, absolutes of contrast at either end bumping and nudging us back on course. A course unknown. Happiness permeates my body, soul, and mind this morn. I cannot pinpoint with accuracy the spot previous to this moment, but I am glad to be beyond the bumps. When Jeremiah had the chance last evening to share more about the frustration of Andrews leadership; when I could speak with Hannah about my challenges; when learning and growth opted over egotistical motives.

Hannah Letting go of comfort and control despite the brew amid the steeping chaos. What pushes me to desire control? What brings me back to spots of observation and openness? Is my pseudo-position as leader inflating my Ego? Do I like knowing I have power if so, can I exude power based in love? -- YES. Find it; learn; grow.

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Growth and learning with two strong examples all ebbing and flowing as well.

Launching off into Day 2 of the sea kayak. Anchorage Bay.

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Totaranui campDay 4

Students taking in the sunset at Separation PointDay 4.

New Zealand SOLE 2011 June 3, 2011 5:57 pm (NZ) Lost River Ski Lodge

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Waiting for a late dinner to be served; here the students relax and smile in the last few days in NZ. It amazes me sometimes how quiet I can be around others. Some are in the kitchen cooking, others reading or playing cards but Ijust observing it all. Why? I feel often that I have nothing to contribute especially [nothing] positive. My preference is to close in and silently observe others words, actions, intentions, etc. I feel I am not judging them but I often find myself nit-picking how people are not everyone though: those that crave the spotlight, perhaps like I once did and occasionally as I do now and then. Perhaps that is what leads me back insidethe quiet observation of how we all exhibit the moving parts of our Egos machine. Why all of us? I feel that part of living and moving through life requires an element of Ego to drive us; to move the cautious and circumspect-self onward outside the spiral of routine comforts. Conversely though, the Ego works to draw us back in especially I feel, when danger to the Egos interest is at stake.

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I desire to study or understand better those in life that tread on characteristics of humble selflessness. Surely deviation occurs but with what degree does the Ego reveal its many face; and, with what duration before termination? In the meantime I can continue to analyze myself, my actions both intentional and unintentional gaining perspective and learning to grow continually. Id admit that my elements of withdrawal arent healthy nor helpful to those around me; but, until I can materialize positive contributions Ill withhold negative notions of words burning to reach anothers mind or soul. The journey continues always; till death no moreat least in this celestial place.

June 5, 2011 2ish pm (NZ) Flight from Christchurch to Auckland

The spit of land in middle right of picture is Farewell Spit, just opposite Separation Point; Abel Tasman National Park. The clouds occluded our view of the sunshine above. Once we rose above the clouds though, things changed. I cannot speak to the reactions of others, but mine shifted. To see the bright sunshine beaming, projecting warmth down onto the Earths surface to feel it touch and occupy my skins surface a flipped switch indeed. I wonder what amount of people or opportunities I miss because of my altered perception on life and the resulting differences [I perceive between myself and them].

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To hear others in the group share about what they will look forward to, or to what will be odd about going from one culture to our own; and, how it will seem weird. Do I strive to clear the space of difference between myself and others I perceive to be not like myself? If I do as I feel I do, is this bad? Initial thought would say no, but there is a compromise between my arrogance and identifying with my fellow humans.

Al and Jerry on the summit of Hamilton Peak (1,902 m)

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Kia Ora

Post-Trip Reflection: What an amazing trip! Being in the space to look back and smile, especially at the moments of stiction within my memory, warms and fills me. I say stiction because there were definitely points (as evidenced by a few of my journal entries) that challenged me as well as others. What would success be without the challenge of getting there though? The contrast of the rough, challenging spots to the easy and smooth is what leads me to clear the other side of my internal storm to emerge a stronger, more understanding, and loving leader. I acknowledge the challenge I presented to others may have been ill-timed. To offer feedback regardless of the persons wanting it is to push buttons in others prematurely. Perhaps though, a proper timing isnt something easily discovered, and the results of what happened in the moment, regardless of the time chosen, is the zone for discovery on/for all involved. In the same way, the learning process can be steep and painful. I feel I emerge with an understanding of my tendency to act; my desire to be heard in a crowd when knowledge I possess would like to be shared. Observing my thoughts and actions as they semiautomatically unfolded proved a space for learning. Often times my quiet stance within the group removed the opportunity to contribute; but, within that stance I observed what would have been said with what could have worked better. All the while, of course, hearing the discourse in my head, and not having

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to apologize for a slip of the tongue or subconscious mind. This reaffirms my thankfulness for quieted space and the opportunity to observe and grow. To transition the learning and growth that occurred in and out of myself into the future requires an eye for memorys past. Recognizing the opportunities to provide a guiding word or thought; to come from a place where love resides, is what I desire. Having this mantra and fixation on loving over thinking what is best allows me to move forward with an edge of confidence. I feel less inclined to be in my head, though spots future-tense will challenge me and my position. I thank the students, the other leaders and many others (Kiwis and Appalachian personal) for the unique and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to immerse in a new culture and landscape. Furthermore, as exploration of the physically unique occurred, so did the internal heart, mind, and soul. Thank you oh powers that be for allowing us as humans to meander as we grow, learn, and actualize to be better than we were before. Many cheers and thanks, Al