Zombie apocalypse disappointment

The time has come for The Walking Dead season 2 filming to be underway, and seeing since it is set in the zombie apocalyptic Georgia it only makes sense for them to film it here. Many news sites have reported saying that the zombies parading around the film site are merely actors and not actual zombies. Seriously? Has it really come to trusted news sources saying Hey folks, these zombies are just actors only hungry for better careers and they do not want to eat your brain, carry on your normal activities? I think zombies are cool and all, but although I am truly disappointed in saying this, zombies are not real. And they can never be, simple (and depressing) as that. My hopes and dreams of winning a first prize news photo of a zombie outbreak are shattered. Next Ill find out Santa Claus isnt real. I get it. In the words of Tommy Lee Jones from Men in Black, A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it. A group of persons often collectively called people is not the most rational thing on the planet. The number pi is more rational than people. And with the whole Were all going to die December 21, 2012 scaring people senseless, its easy to understand why some fear a zombie apocalypse. Let me put your minds at ease folks, there are many reasons as to why a zombie outbreak will only happen in addictive videogames and B-rated cult films. Oh I can hear my uncle disowning me already. First of all, the zombie virus is spread through a bite. How many sober persons are really going to let a slow-trudging zombie get within biting distance? If youre going to spread a virus, biting is not effective whatsoever. Look at the flu, it kills millions every year. Why? Because it is spread through the air. It would be more effective if zombies could hi-jack a car and run humans over. Too bad they dont have drivers licenses. (Well I have seen the DMV so maybe they do.) But back to the main point: Zombies are simple enough to quarantine and contain so the virus would not break out. Secondly, take a moment to visualize the Earths terrain. We have big mountains, tons of water, very hot and humid climates, and extremely barren permafrost lands. Seeing as a zombie is decaying flesh, they would not have the muscular strength to climb a mountain. And since they are dead and have no use for breathing, there would be no air in their lungs, causing them to sink into Davey Jones Locker.

As living human beings, we are fortunate to be able to put on sunscreen in those hot July days. But a poor little zombie doesnt have the brainpower to process this, and their rotting flesh will fall off of them faster than Janet Jacksons top at the Super Bowl. Zombies also cant survive in the cold because even zombies need to keep a core temperature of 98.6. And zombies are especially hard to keep warm since they cant put on sweaters and coats. They dont have credit cards to buy coats anyway. In most videogames, TV shows, and movies that idolize these creatures, it seems as though the entire military forces around the world have been wiped out. Really? In an apocalyptic war with zombies, the brute force of military power simply disappears? In America alone we spend billions of dollars in tanks, ammunition, really big guns that are on my shopping list, and bombs. Do you really think theyd be the first to go? What I have noticed is that many people living in Zombiewood never use guns. We have the Second Amendment and you better use it! Dont go Democrat on me now! For only about $20 you can buy 550 rounds for a .22, which is clearly enough ammo to take out several brain sucking leaches (and to clarify I am not talking about politicians). So in a world full of beautiful knives, swords, hand grenades, cannons, bombs, rifles, pistols, handguns, semiautomatics, RPGs, tanks, missiles, and many household objects that can be used as weapons, why would zombies even get the time of day? Its time to put your minds at ease people. Zombies will never take over this planet. Maybe stupid and brainless people have already, but not ones who want to feast on your flesh (in a literal sense). I know somewhere in the world, I have crushed thousands of dreams. So many people are already preparing for that miraculous day when the first zombie appears. As one of my dear friends put it, there will be a lot of disappointed rednecks, I guess his prediction is true. But cheer up! Theres always the possibility of an alien apocalypse! At least that apocalypse would smell better. Jessica Brown is the photographer for the Barrow Journal. You can reach her at jessica@barrowjournal.com