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. , I· L' h 1- 'IY ...... th'~II d ,,:HE"RE, are sores WJfIJ,C",~_ S\_,O~W, erode '~'e lIIU'D:,:: in solitude, like' a leino, of canker. It is impossible to con:ve'y ajust Idea of 'the 1I0n,y' , hl th~ ....Ii!!I' ;j;nfll" , m I wme h.,',ti-,IS ensease can, I,' :i'll,ct~-I genera I ,peop.e :,' !lIP-'-' t" to relezate uch inco neeivable '. " su ,«''::'''n-'!iI!oatJ ,'D, '_',,I ~', ,,01:;, ---, ;-I e to the category of the inc-edible. Auy mentiOn of them in conversation 'or in, writing is, censidered in the Iight 0:£' current beliefs, the: iadi.. ' vidu'__ al's P ersonal 'be·,'" ,',li'.,lIje','("i! P'~ rtio 'u-"'II:a::r-' anda , " '':'' '"I "I;:', 11i~_ , 'to provoke a smile of incredulity, and de'rision,. The reason for this 1Dool,m,pre.hensioD is that mankind has not yet discovered a cure for this disease. ,Relief from : t is to be' found on.l'y in th1e o,b'6vioR: nd in th'- - 3 ..,.;,c: ..,..,1, _r:;i:_<g __ -b ,_'U,!; l'::'y ..utilel .... b -QU' zht ,ai,', 0- _ -t b WIDe, ,a, sleep Induced b,y opium and similar narcoti!cs_. Alas, the effects of suel I: medicines "are 100l.y temporary, ,After a certain, point, illltead, of " th.1::' .' aI' eviatmg tne paiD" th on1 IDtenSI1Y jlt., -ey ,y. 'Wi~ll anyone ever penetrate the secret or this disease w,bic:h transcends, o'rdinary' experience:" this reverberation of' the shadow of the miDld, ' hi h lf .' W.,'I,C; mannests i,me"1 in a state 0 c-,-,co,ma :1 ';:''... '1.~I.,t, 4&e' tb' between death and resurrec,tion, 'when: one ,~I 'neither asleep nor' ,awU,e?
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'1 propose to deal wilh. on~'y one cue 0£ this disease. ·1t concerned me personally and it so shattered m~yentire being tha t I shall never be: able to, drive: the: thought 0:£ it out of' m:y' mind, The evil impression. which it le~t.has, to a, degree ha, _:_._., '.'1'0'" d.erstand 1;'O'I'g'u :,; .,.:.. ·,oVl..I;. ...._ p~'O'-'-"I~ soned ._'tat surp asses h man ~ ,'" :> :m'Y life for all 'time tO come. 1. said "poi;soned";, I' should have said that I have ever since borne, an:d will bear For' ever, tb,C brand -mark ,Q,f' that cautery. to I '_'b' all ~ryll;l set __ S,___:._cft·· tr .:'; s.<.. d'~IO"'" .... )\···-jL.:3,,·:t: _--.' can _ remembe '__, wn-~ Wl'l_-_-". 1- . "'_: ~'~_'" _~_ ," ._", .r·-_ . wh"a,t,has remained in m-')"mind of the seqcu.ence. lof' events, :I, may perhaps be able to draw 18 general conclusion from it all-e-but :00", ~ that is too .much . .1. ..3 _,IY' th to expect, '1'may h nope to b b el' be .•. !lcvtu. b ot iers er at least to convince m.y,s:el-C;, for', after all, it. does not matter to me whether others believe me or not. My one fear is that tomorrow I may die 'witil:ou;t having cHime to know myself: In the: ""'··O·,''''1II~',g: cr':' m~'V''I"'~~ 'I hav ··--·d;, that a ~~a"'·.""~u"-;-I 1" ..I.li~ . I~l,~.", diseovere .. ' '~~'._ _ LJI,.,~_ ',' l·b__ I~~I'L.,
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this mean world. 0 .wretchedness and misery thought that for once 'a, r,ay of sunlight had broken upon 'm,y life. Alas,:, it was not :iunlight" b'ut apassing ,gle am, 'I a, falling star, w:hi[ch~lashed f U:POID: Ie" in the' fo,rm 0'£ a woman'-o[p of an aagel, D In its[ light in the CQu'rI1e: 0:(' a second, of a, eingle moment, I beheld all (he wretchedness lo:f ~,y; ~exis'teJlc,e and apprehended the glory and splendour o,fthe star, After, tha t brightnessdisappeared again In the whirlpool of darkness in which it was bound inevltably' t-o Elisappea,r,. 'I was unable t\OI retain that passing' gleam, It is, t tree lR[OIDth's.~n'o[, it is two months and, four ,d,a:y:s,--:-st.nceI lost her from sight but the memory ot those magic eyes, of the fatal radiance of those eyes has remained iwidt me at all times, How can, ,I forg'et her, who is SOl intimately bound up ,.;,J:th·,..· m·,·· o'"[W"'~ ·n··, e-·X]'..···s·:··t·!..."·."" .~ ry-: 'e '''n~''Ae'~ . o, I shall never otter' her .name. For now, N w'ith her slender" ethereal, misty form, 'her great, sh'l~nl!l!i'Dg"wenderinz ,t" ,ey~~, I'D, the d epthI~I' 0-'£":" hich. e "a- ., .: :::'.eU : ,.; ;.~:;. ,;';:.,.;,.V,."tI;,· my ife has slowly and painfully burned, and melted away, she 0 longer belongs to this mean,
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cruel world. No, I must not defile her name by contact with earth lv thines, _ fter --:[h"~--h~''-d'~-- ."~..' " WI -g ".-.. A· 1"V':',1 s,~[e·---,_.,a". on,e 'I ,',e:;'th~'d'--~' , rrom th·, tcamM'W pillly ofmal'J,from the eompanyofthestupid and .'L. R:C l~ d·I·' m ordee to forget, took 're£u,ge -. _ tse suceessru alt·.·" in w,ine, and opium, M'y' , life passed, .aad at'ill passes, within. the four walls of my room. All my li'f7ehas passed within four walls, . . I USM to work throngh the day, decorating the coveraof pen-eases. Or, rather, J spent .on m 'Y' trad eo' f ,pen~cas.e''.-eeorator tit '~D1[e til 'I decor Lli·a·. :' . _. that ' . d'id not- devot _". ',.',~'., id 'OlP1U,Ql .., 'I' ,'baL.: ',/,osen.. ':'[ .' ..." .... ·>vo·eo to WIne','. ,an, ~"""':-'-', :', had ch :;.,-'-,; ..L,· 1 di .-. -. t"1U;, ; ,'U-~_lcro'us trade of' pen-ease decorator o,nly ,in order 'to, stu,pefy my,self;; in order somehow or other to' kill time, I am, fortunate in, 'th,at: the house 'where 'I live· ~_. ,'...;II ..., · ~s ,S1,t~at~u bey d th .'e e d 1:";':09~: .·-ge 0 r-:-' th~e"Cl·ty' in ,a 'qul,et dis,trict far fr'o:m 'the noise. and bustle -of'life., -It is' completely isolated and around it lie ruins. Only .', t--h""," ,i!, ~, " :~d'~.- ·~f;·~· ". .".'11- . n :c ,L. . -. . . ~- b . '0__ ..... tar Ill, te o~ l~legu y one can sec a nUIJI"'er ofsquat mud-brick "~-.GUfeB'which mark the' ex.trem,c' "J~idt of the city. They must have been built by '· ._ .'.' 11'" .1 ~, " , '... how . long' Som,e, ',001 lo,r.813" d; Iman h -. ~ _. A'OOWS L_'ow 1 " neaven 1",,' -'ago. Whcll I shut my eyes, not only can I see ncry d~etail of their structure but I seem 'to feci the weight .of them pl'eSSing on JtJy shoulders. They are the sort of houses which one finds depicted only on the covers of ancient pep-cases . '- am b '. d.. .' 11... d' own on paper 'ID 1....: .' ;:~' ot uige.'~to set a_~~ UDS, ';'~' ~ order to dise'ntang'·.·'I;.'the various thread s O""£IL,:~Iy":' ".&" story. lam ·obliged to explain it a] for the benefit ,nf" ,my, s.a·:t[,o[w·•. O'~D' ",;; . '" . h 'd w'·,·.-a:: 'Jill
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apart from ordiaary mankind. Her beauty was extraordinary, She remind1ed' me g,f a visioD, seen in. an opium, sl,eep~, She aroused ill, me' a, heat '0'£ passion lik.e that w',hi'cbis, kindled by the mandrake root. It seemed to me as I gazed at her IODg, slender £o,r'm" with its barmonieus lines .(J,f shoulder, arms, breasts, waist, buttocks and legal, that she had been, ' tom from h hu ,a;b''_:.-'~'.' --;;'I~ '~ -:-'iil!l·n-·d' 'Q ~u' embrace, that she 'was like the female man,dr;ake w:hi,cb has been plucked :ftom the arms ,of its mate; ,,' S>:~e,':"-~ wea rinea bAI·~!!IlPk:··' plea t_'-~,e-,,)..JI dress w,-:·;L'tl~'1L ,_,Iii -.' 'W·'·'--;~I~ ..,tl a ·I'I.I.~II h I.ICI~ y,azlng at b e1ung tjg'b'rt I"f t,o' t er bod y~, ~!., _Ier'" 'I' was '_ certain th at she wis hed to .Jl~:Q,1 'a-'~'-r:AI'IE:!I' stream leap ,~LA ~t '_G~._ 'u" U1~' whicb separated her fro:m the old man but that she 'was unable to do :10. All at once' the old :1,D,an burst into laughter. It was a hollow, gmting laugh, of a quality to make the hairs of one's body stand OR end; a harsh, sinister, mooking laugh. lo·,·r·' D'-'":O·;;t' W·,l,.~~ g.•,.~, AUld y_.~tl' 1'"~~ '~p··:>·rA~.i:i!'S'jl·.liI!'D-'·-D- hI'~C! .t'n~rp did:.".~.,'."," eha n ._, Ull~' l~&'ki~ . '_ .._.~,~ It W8,S as 'thoug:h', the la'tlgh'ter' was le(!h;9ing front somewh ere D,,,,,". r'YI"".... h·,·,I('~ his t, ......c deen ll'l.. ·y····' . ,LItJd··';._ · In 'tenor I ,SI(Jfoan,g' down from the stool with the bottle: in li1fY hand, I W,IlS tf'e'mblin,g" 'in a state of 'ID! n'··lrlet.:,_,J~ '~.'. ..... ,1!:' -,',g, ho rror a nd ,d' IA)-iIi! b' -': ~.-,'~ .h-·,t·- such ~1'lig"'-h:'t have ',' C bee "U-" '.p' ~'O"'"du .ced so d·e--II·eiou~[~feaJ"ill,u drea'.,'m-"-""""I, I~_ r.,." .• ' ,[ set the bottle IOC' win~e ,do'w,n on the ftoor and held my bead in. my hands. How manyminutes, :how many b,E)!urs ,I' .remaiaed thus; 'I QO' Dot kno'w'. When I came to mYle,lf I: pieked 'up tIt'e bottle and, went, back in,'tio Dly room, My'u'D,cle had gone and had 'I!·ft~'- e room doeor a-![O!~ ~... like ,-:h·-Ie m 0: '0" th ,0;;0("'-' a th\ ,«QI-P' -.-:
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experienced. From that moment the course of m'y ·Iife had changed. With one glance that angel ,oC- heaven, that ethereal girl, hl;s,a 1c,£t on DlIC tille' :iDlprin:t her being, marie: de~ply marked than the mind of man can conceive, ,A't that moment I, -w:as In a state of trance. It seemed 't,o, me that, J had . long' known, her name. The ,r,a.d.iance: ,o,f her' eyes, 'ber complexion, her perfume, her ~oyements, .all _ppea~e~ fam.ili~r tQ me, as though, ID sOlDe: ,p'f,e'YIO'UB, lexistencle I'D a world ofdreams, my soul had lived side 'by side wlth hers, had sprung troM the same root and the same stoek and it was inevitab,le that 'we: should be brou_ght together again. It was inevib\l.ble that .I ShO'Uld, be close tO ,her :in this life·~,A,t, DO time did I desire to' touch her. The in'vi.m,blle ray& which emanated from ourbodies and 'mingled. tio,gether were sU'fti1cie'Dt, olltact. ~I Cor the strange' fact £ :L. d l~aRU'_Ja'rto me l: th e Ir to that sne a,p:pe'are·, ~ "I'.. trom: '._:~,'~:rsci~' glance; do BQt levers alwa.ys experience the feeling that they have seen. each other before and that a - .-- !erlOUl, QUiD':, _.laS ~on)':' .. -,. '''t\pd ',-'., 'mys teriou Left' 'd',-I h '1' '--'g- e.8Js.~':.' between th-m-··· 'I •':x~lAg lD~:-tb U me_fl 'w,or! 'w~,_le I '" Id h" h Th,e O'D_'y' th-· desired wa's,her lov'e; :if"that were den'led me I 'wan"t,· ed the .Io:ve 10i( :uQbody'. 'Was, it p;ossibl,c that anyene other than she should make any impressiolo UPO'R ~y heart? But the hollow grating-la~ghter" tbe

smokily .. I···· d,ulc1 st"il feel the . af\~rmath· octile delicious, ,bQ,rrible. fit. uf trem bli~ng 'w'hicn, 'I' had

dead rnan Th e "'rDI d,~' nfi,' the old m ~ans h~·occ.1I'IO·'·W-'···-·' &.,._..: v~· "~II.I,..... _ _._. fa ughter 'Wall I,till ,ech,o,i:ng ill 'my ears, It was gpo',wing dark. The lamp was, 'burning
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,sini:s:ter' laughter ~o·f'·the old man had breken 'the bond which united UJ~, '~'ht- I' t,Ch-' ., at b-' ' ;iii;,L AII)I- t'l,at~ ml.g:.,.l' .. '. jO"U,g-ht al~.-o:utIU:le,e. :tJ]I1U,p.. __. 'h- .. .Aga·i:n and again I was 011 the:' point of goin.g to look ·tIt·rough the' aperture In the w;all, but fear of the eld man's la.u,gbtcr held. me back, The n€lf't day ,a'ls,o I could think, of n:othi~g else, Wo'uld .1 be: able to refrai'J1 altO;iethler; 'ftom going' to look at ker? .F-:inally 011. the ird da;y I decided, despite the dread w.hich. possessed me, 10, put the bottle of WI.D."" b ·'a·.,··t:""".'·l'!'-n : its place. B-<u· rhen I 'Cil,rew t.., Ie ..,,-'~ , -.~ ·~k' t'; ,;~.' ew he w" _#"11. , ' curtain aside and lo-oked in to the closet I saw in-. ftont o,f me' a wall as bla:,nk and dark as the darkness which has enshrouded m'y li~fe·.'There was no trace of aperture IO~ wind~Qw. 'The rectangular 0P' '_n';:n'i£r ., f ha 'd<1 m-,,---;-,p'~"'~\d'~"'w;lt"hl-:' th.... 1~.tl:~I&_·!IJIl' ".0 b':: ...J1 ~~-,a~H, illed wall, as thlough it: had never existed. .I stood upon the: stool but, alth'fJi-ugh I, hammered '0'0, the wall w.f.th, ·my filts, li~s:teniDg inten,tly" althou.g,h, I held 'the lamp to 'it and lexa:min,'eid :i t with care, t~hef.e: , .,':'~;~, the :&li\g·.·.b·~st.trace of an-y' ape,\rt~l-r~, .M.:.~·.~ .• u--,._,~ . , y wa~ not UI. ~_. lIu blow,s had no more effect upon the solid, massive fabric 10:£ the 'ytall. than if' it. had been a :sin.gle· slab of' lead, ~Gould I abandon the hope of ever ,seeing her ,again? It was not within ,my power 1'0' do SGl~ H'eneeforth I I·iv,ed like 8, soul in· toement, AII'my w.ai tin_g'" watching and' ,seekin;g wlere in v,ain .., I trod, every ha{nld"'$-,b,r~ead~h,of ground in ehe ncighbou'rhIOQ_d. o,f :my house. ,I 'was, like the murderer who 'retuI:JJI, to the scene of his crime'. NOlt one day, .n,ut two days, but ev-ery ,d,ay for
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existed, (o',r' me, Fm,m this time ,on I increased my doses ,of' and op'1'~I~lIm:'=-'but.:,:' alas ,tho rem ed i.a nr'~ ..',.... ".,~ _:.:.._. 'u'l,_!, .~: .. , ,:"''':' .4.,,_: ·' L dd :Ia:t':m despasr I!!. '1'1...... to Ilom,,' ,an:'_, paraal:y,se 'IDY mmo, 'I was, unable to fOBget. IOn, the ,ceD,trar-y, ,d~ay'by day, h:oor by hour" minute by minute, . the of her face ,t_r"o,:,o.-,~:" Rl~_.., __ I 7m',;o=,ry'_ ~'f' her, ef her b~·~~'..l,y,,·, ~ .. __ , v_ __ _uti,." ,,;,.. _ .__ ~I_ ~" .A sbape' .in, my mind more c;lie',arly than before, H:ow' eo~l,d ,I have forgotten her "PiWh,e~the,r~m'y eyes werriop,cn or closed, whether I ·slept or woke, she was alwa.ys; before me, Through the opening in, the, eloset 'wall, like the d?ark 'night which enshrouds the mind and reason ef' Dlan, throug:h the. rectangular aperture wh'ich Ieoked ,onto the outside world she was 'ever 'before my
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had withi~ her fiomething that transcended humanity. When I looked at her face I experienced a 'kind of vertigo which made me ferget the faces of aU other pe~p~e.G~(~ing'-at to tremble all over and my knees felt weak. 1ft the depths or her immens,e' eyes I beheld ill one moment all the wretchedness ef my life. Her eYC$ ~ere w~tand mining like two huge black diamonds suffused with tears. In her eyes, her black eyes, I found the everlasting nigbt of impenetrable aar,kness fQr which ,I' ,had.·· been leek ing' and I sank into the awful, enchanted bla(!k~essof that abyss. It was as though 'She was d,raWIDg some ia,tlllty out of my beitlg. The ground rocked beneath :my·feet and! if I had fallen, Lsheuld have experienced an ineffable delight, My heartstecd stlll, I held my breath. I was afraid that if I breathed she might disappear' <like 1 d k H" 'ii"ll . ClO,U'·!, or ,sm,o,~:_e~ ,:--er IJI1en Cie seemed som'e:thi'n,g supernatural, It was as though a wall of crystal had risen between her ana me, and that ,second, that hour or that eternity was suffocating me. Her eyes, .. eary perhaps with looking upon' SOllie w supernatural ;Slg:,-.· _W~,_cl'C:~, .1'" IS ,n'of ..:. '.~ Od~'_,!er '.. ht hi h it .. tho :~'u,,:'~,I:~I_r)M';b""~ia, _gt,v'e:n, people to see, perhaps upon death its,elt:;, slowly closed. Her eyelids closed and I, reeling like a drowning man who after- frantic struggle and effort has reached the surface o:fthe-water, realised. that I was feverish and trembling and with the edge a,fmy sleeve wiped away the~weat th·,at was streamin g'.- l.il" .'_" o1-'.",'-'Y" 1'1.~." IIeo., from ::' forehead Her faee preserved the same stillness, the same
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a sensation of peace 'took p·'-else,.S"~~II'I!!IO·'.'R" me As-' II' of:,,·-:-·j "10' .1l~[el-",d·-· upon it ... ··'·-'--'-"·h':-·, ,-",,,'.I~,A;._' ',.,1", those c,I· '~·~·-'d·'l yes, II was as th .. ""~~"'_'~' __ ,,~u., Ie 1,I'tOUg" hjl'!J!I'hhd'b ... ' the de aemon W, t,_J nao neen to:rtunll;g me, the.' incubuswhieb had been oppressing my heart ·th ." .' ,-'. ,-,,, .. wit Its iron paw, had fallen asleep fo~ a while. ,I br;olu,gbt 111Y' chair to' the side olf the bed and :gazled fixedly at: her faee, 'Wbat a childlike face, "h'Id) ....' It 'waSJ1 'W':' an unw:Qr,:, Y' expression it werel rat ". W" 1;,:, ,p'OiSSI1:,..~,[e' 1Ullat .'L,· WQ'm;aD, th'. gsr or tb' ,il_ as '''t' ,,- ".." ibII ..,IL,·- lUllS ns I_~_' angel €I" hell (for I did 0,01( know by 'what name' toeall her], was it possible that she should possess this double D:ature' -? She' was' so peaceful so' unconstrainedd • I could now feel the warmth of her bedy and .'-,'",".'-'-11- th oaour "f"" ~.' ,-",~,,e-" ". sme 1,_- od '-,' ',- 0 d'".'," ie ampness tha rose .Irom, herer ....a,t I b..ac k h "C\" "':,neavy tresses, £~·orsome ,lleasoD 'unknown to me: I raised my ·tr~'m,b,ling' ,ban,d~my hand was nor. under my control-and laid it upon a strand of her hair, that.~ock which alwafS·~lung to h er tern 'p e T'h,I,D,O···· I "'::L'r~""I:!IIS~"iti' :,ngers-, ,ID,~O h .,-", U!'_' __ " m,y fi'~- "'~'I: .:. to .,er hs 'j, . 'It,·, was [cO"U lan,,~._,•.,8,mp. C''- 'I-'d.'[ '., utteriy- ICO, "~ .' ,-..;:J, rd d[,,,,:,.-.., ._O~ , , ... , '1[' '-(d' '.aIr , It was as though she bad been dead, fOlr several da.. l~I'.. 'l__[ w,a;s, not mls~~aAen. I.:=',_):c as de.. id"'~ ',~, I r,' ,",i* 1 i S: "hi. - ,:. y . ,0[0.. w .. Iea· I ~ in ..-", ed my nam I,Q ,t·,.' th,','" '.' " '01', ner d--"- . ana ·t" ,!~" 'hi'.' . id '~" "-,, £ .. ··,fl"" L,,_·, ' 1--, ser te .. ,,~ me trent _ ress ,. -A ',!al ., I" D"POIU 1-',1 id '·'t' ,,''.,~,;-, ,e:r b ,':.. ,t ,~,wuve '.-'L.,- neart. T'...ere h :-,. "L_ ..: ,.~. tl'le ~. . '. ,-,-, I.' ·,reas., , h-.'-, ' t"!.. · was DO! thte faintest b ];eat, I' too,k a mirror and ', ~. Id 1ft IOelOlre hI. . ",.lIe:,,'~I_ 'L~' 'er n,ostr. -Is·i.~" but :OiO trace .Iof life h reDlaJD,ed In er ii' , . ,J... .- 'ht' 1. -' ,. -'.h ,~,e' Ll' . I-, t"iJ,OUg~;.:_['tll:lat I mlgil:;·1 b- ·a,t; e 't[o w,arDll h-,'[er with th.e heat of my' Qlwn bodYit to give mY'W'afmth to her and to receive in exchange the coldness olf dleath···" p.:erhan~ in this way~·- I. c-"o,uld',' infuse 'my" - -' ", '-"'-'" _;,':__" -',r- .'~" '-'':'__''''" " ~""""',.,"- ",',','" "'_._',','.""-' .>: ---'
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.' I., '. h-;111 dbd I d" d d 'Ia'y spmt mto ner luea'.J..,~.'o,l"y. ,'-, unl" resseo ana I do wn b esid hei the bed W' were lee e-"d" "e ~k"' , _,"'"'-', 'e"': ' ,,~'-I ~,-, , Ie .1,.1,11., ' '_: _ '·the m a-I'D"'t,o'·I·lg:--p.,th·'-1like ·h'·e', male and female '_ of.. drake, Her' 'body 'was like that of 'a female mandrake which had been torn apact from its, mate and she aroused the same burning passion as the' mandrake .. ,~'Ier' '.. outh was acrid, and n bitter and tasted like the stub-end of a cucumber . Her whole body was as cold. as hail. I felt that. the blood had ,froze'D in: my veins and that this cold pen etra ted, to the depths of ~m,y heart, All my e:flortsl 'wer-e useless, I' got, off th'e bed and put OlD m'y clothes, N[o" it was 8 0t an iliusinn, She had come h· 'I lDtO ~ room, ,I'mto my oee.,',.'. d "b-Id ,,:'_.,'_ aOJ alU iere .' my __ '.. had surrendered her body to me, She had, given me her body and her soul, So ·lol!ljg as she lived" ISO ,loDI as her eyes overflowed with: li'fe, -' had been tortured by' We mere memory of her eyes, NOIW, inanimate and still, cold" with her eyes, closed, she had surrendered herself to m[e'~with, her eyes closed. hi l 1=1··T-- ,:",s,' a:,'5:, she wh h'·- a'; d- poisoned m , W" h'. ··Iie:ife from the moment that I nrst saw her-··un_ess .my nature 'was such that fro;m, the 'beginnin,g it was destined. to be poisoned and any other mode: Qf ~'X' .istence w,-· as lim'rp-- essible for m 'e' N,;--lo 'I h iere I~·D ""w< I,~v., _ ',' : ~. 'ro:y' 'r,oorp,she ,b,a.d ;yi,e'lded ta ~me her body' ,and, beJ" ,shadolw ii,Her fra.gile, s&lo,rt~Iived spirit" which hlad :n[o ,affinity wi.th th~e: orld oi'e,arthly Icre;atu,resl, w had Isi-len,tl,y' d,e'parted, from u'nder 'th,e blacJc, pleate:d, 'dress" 'fr:o,m th,e body w:hic __had tor,me,oted , i,t, and ,h,ad gOB,e ·wand,€'riD;lg. in, ,the' W'Olrlld of
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shadows and, ,I Ce·I!, as: 'though it had taken m,y spirit with it. But her body was lying" there, inanimate and ati'l Her softo relaxed muscles her veins an.d SInews, and bones were awaiting burial, a dainty meal for the wo~rns and rats Of the grave. In this threadbare, wretched, cheerless room wh'iCh'itse,lf"w,as[ like' a tomb, in the darkness ~rd~"h~erl~~~ ~ightw~~h~~ envel!ped me ani , w.J~lc.h:had penetrated the very' fablle, lof the: 'walls" I had. 'before "me a long, dark, cold endless Dight in the company. ofa corpse, oCher corpse. I felt that ever since 'tbe 'world had. 'been the' world" so long as I had lived, a corpse, cold, inanimate . nd still, had been with, me in a da:r'k FOO'ID., a ,At that mement DIy thoughts were numbed .. Within me I felt a new and singular form of life. M:,' being was someh.D'w'connected ,with tblat of[ aU the creatures that existed about me", with all the shadows ·that, q"uivered around me, I was in intimate inviol ab :e"comm'.U-"'-D-'~ ion WI' .~Jf... :L< .. :L. O""U'...tsId e ·,P.1U111!.i ... ' '.,. world .and 'with, all created things" and a CQ:D1,plex system of invisible 'conductors transmitted a restless Bow of' impulses between ID,e ,and all the elements of nature, There was no coaception, DO[ noti:oft 'whi,ch I' felt te, be' for,eign 'to me .. I' was capable of penetrating wi.tIt ease the secrets of the painters of the past, the m)'$.teries of abstruse hil hi t'b ancient iOtly' 0'" ideas and, species, r.: ,_. rt! ,~ __,OIOpl 'Ies,'" ~.e At that moment I participated in the.revolutions d. ~ea,ve'n" In th e gernnnanon Orf' plants ,[0 ~ar I_:_ [_:n,__.h f arth .. an d In. thLieinstinctive movements OJ"r-' a:Dlmals,,~ _. '. P:ast: and future, far and near bad joined
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together and fused ~1'l the life of my mind. At such times as this every man takes refuge in some firm y established habit, in his own particular passion. The drunkard stupefies himself with drink. the writer writes, the sculptor attacks the stone, Each relieves his mind of the burden by recourse to his own' stimulant and it is at. such times as this, that the real artist is capable of producing a masterpiece. But I, Hstess an d[ LI~il'p--·1-s··,,8····· wa '~s- I the deeorator of p~ien~ 1~1'\.o;1 ','\";;" . i~S" I' case covers what could I do j)' What means h.ad I " ~f:' JDas~rpiocewhen that .: ~d li-·r_, eSB" :'_,~_J'lly ,ltlUC .... ...... -h rna ke 'were my' '_:,.Ie_1 sh·-·' 1 1 P1C:.t'::UJjCS, eacn r'them 'identicalwitb all the rest? And yet in my whole being r. felt an over owing enthusiasm, an iBdes.. cribable warmth of inspiration. I desired to record on. paper fhose eyes which had closed for ever; I would keep the picture by me always~ The foreeof this desire compelled me to translate it into' a6'00·0,. I 'could not resist the :iJl'lpui;slloln. How could I have resisted it, I, an artilt shut up in a room with a dead body? The thought a~~ed i~ m~ a pecu~r ,S;llsatio~ of deligbt.'· . I extinguished the smoky lamp, brought a pair of c~dl~, 'her head. In the flickering candle-light her face was still more tranquil than before; in the half-dark .0£ the room it wore an expression of mystery and immateriality. I fetched paper and the other things necessary for my task and took up. my position. beside her bed ~for benceforth the bed was hers. My intention was to' portr,ay at toy
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moment .8; cock crowed somewhere iu the distamee What was 'I 'to do with, the: body, a, body which, had alre.:a,dy 'helgu» to decompose? At first I' 'th,(Jog'ht 10£' burying it in my FOO,:m" then ,o,f'talii'D,g .it 1a',w,ay and thro'wi~g :it, down some well sur-, rounded by '8o,wers of 'blue morning glo"ry ~ Bfut how muchtbougbt" bow much effort and ,dex:t"eri.ty'wou~dbe necessary :in order to do 'these things. 'witlto,,"t a!,tracJti'Dg ,a'ttenn,C)'D! And then, !I did D.ot.want tilt eye of strang,er to fall upon ,bCF_ I, had· to do ,every'thiDg "alone and unaided, lYot that I, 'matt'eEed,~ What poiat was thete 'to :my existeDce RO'W'that she had ,gone? But sh,e'~~, d''De¥e~r) never 'must. a'ny O:f~~~,tnlary p~.r;llQD., anyone but me, look upon her dead bedy. She had come to my room .afttl had surrendered: her cold bGdy and her sioa,d,ow to :Rlt in erder 'that ,0.0 one else ihoo'lild see her in, order tha t, she sb'ould, not, be' defiled bly' a stranger's, glance, F'inally ,an Idea came to .me.1 would cut up her body, pack i.t in a suitease, :m'l' old isui,tease" take it a,wa',y' with :me tQ some: plaGcfar, very far from p,eople'I~, and 'b'u'r.y it there, This 'fi:m"e I did not ,hesitate. I, took a beneL)a'_'i'~dled l111i·~:'~e·'···· '·~"-"a',"'\t'-, kept ' I·D-·· ~LI.:~l~I!,-,4; beside m.~ 1,1 D.I,Co;·lUUI~-, 1.11__ I' ".~". __ :., ~U~l~ LIC_.'U~ " en Dt"1e-:8,:t., r-~m-, ...... -' L .... .•..--' b cu-,1!,1¥1'La, ep... 'liM'th,--' -. ,m,~,; - - care "'" . ; ·~~""',d,'·- ,._';U·." , .~.y~-' '~~'~'a' . ,,- ~""""'-JD~ '.. ~," ,'b"l ..' 1''hi 'h th, A __ the ,d.~"'P.~"'~I,('I 'f~'~'nl~'~ ck materia ',. 'W,i'CC·~"-,'-" C!:w,a~,:·.··',lcu 0:· t"" her ,Uke a spider's web, It was~the 0:,011" coverin,g. she WOEe~ Ion hen body',., ~Sh';Gseemed to have grown a little': her body ap,peared Co: be IOllger dian it d L': "C'Il':= ~ro,ps .ba,_,_ueen .. "-"le~ -rrL.' 'I severe--_ tiLe h' d .•' n III Ii·~ -~,-,II'e.n ,-d L_
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He roared with laughter, so that his shoulders shook. I pointed in the dirootion of my house but he said... before I had a chalice' to utter a word, . 'T-:-h-·,~t~'[S" 1'1 n'" ""g··h·t.'1 knew where you live ,1:") ___::,:_.a,~.. --;-I - . -. . be th iere r;-llg.~.~hc··t- j'-w~···..a'y..'-" .: -~H'e IS..00_· , up a·I,·-od'~··'1 ·w·:~':a--I!·'k-:-·e· back to m.. h IO··.·.u··~:,·, ".',·· t.-'~,··d·~" . :d: r~. I went into my room and with difficulty got the -."t--, i c'· ......'L. ... _:."suitcase WIIU,I, the I,·ea,·~·~ y across ·0-;'1 tho-_-'~ doo;'r-~ e d.~d bodv a·:_;.·····~,../ .. C" '_._; • I~ .". _ . .- 'd e ._,ree·, :- tsid ,., th e;-. I 0-I)se.rve:,." stan, d..lng lR the Su ".. 't'e" IOU.-:~&.·.~~~.,-,._; door, a dilapidated old hearse to which ,!ere harnessed two black, skeleton thin horses. The b Id. .' t h" d -, -_.,. . bent 0. __man was slttl:ng' ,on tne «..'fIV'Cf IS sea t-.a t·I: th ..- f" IUJC ,... --. '..... ~ - .•. . tne -.c.,J:ont IOIi_i, .i-,L - h cane, ·h·· ".'1d..ID,g-'..a. ·1···.. ...- - ." .,-hi:,.III'·' ,. ,'-e ,0,: ·.OI,D,g W.· P':. did net turn to' '1-:':·k· ;--" my diree tic .- :-W··~' a.:' .. ith _1,. ...."..,. :':-,--.;. .'.:-. ,00', .I.n ." .,'_lrec.-_.o~. ..-.. '.. '. great effort I heaved the suitcase into the he~ie, where there was a sunken space designed to hold -'··· '...: ,Et:A; .' -:- __ ich ",- 'lll~i , 00'~-',··a:·: 'm-' - Y",:@!j, rd W lC_[.~ I' Co m" b· ed .. th _'_.e co .. Ds"all~;r . . -' m • self and lay down in the COllin-space, resting my .aead ,a.g~-,ainst. ledee :80 as 'to be able to see out the: as wedrovealotlg. slid the suitcase onto my ch .( ". -'d b Ie It. 'I·rm.y ·,-~th· ..· ···th":· :_ao, s", -. "I-d"-'-. chest an '.~~'..' ..~-- 6'~ '1- WI __ b._0·' 'h", . ds ,_ . . .·b· h '•.- ea iUJ.[O_g - LC .z , ,... . e w', ~lP W_;.J.8t':1"d .1..... ,- rh th,- air, the herses e .: Th set off, breathing hard, The vapQur could be seen througb the drizzling rain, ris.ing from the·r 1 ,'... :; ~'·_-c·l; ...:-- -. roved w· .n-I nestrt [S t:i;k'·..·e a" ,I'., .., ....., 0··lfLs.m,o.c[.. IT'h-' ,ey move·.. ,~,,l·...'~· I --:··· ,' IJI.~a.fIl., ·.. ~ '. ·h-I_. ~,~-.... . th ......." ~. eir ' .~ ~_ ... a· h 'g IDlOOII...-.paces.. T·h-·,.,l.. tho ::"1";0'-' lees, h,~ph::;' m-~'" :d·:IIme think of the arms of a thief whose fingers have been IC,gt. 9:ff' in accerdanoe 'with 'the law . , '1d .. ' and. the stumps p,_,un;ge.'~_: ;Into' 'b 'ilil['.' 01.,.]-:,1 rose an. d '. '-D'11IR,g 1' feU slowly and made no souad as they touched the ground. The bells around their necks played stran .g:';'1~ tune .,' ..., the _. damp, air, ,.A. P'-I;:,ro[o,un,d '. -' ]'. ',' {.' --" ~
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,sensa'tiQll, of cQ,mfor·t to whic,b :1 can alSip, no trated '~~" e eause penle:tra,~!_,_ me ,c~, ,,-,::- hean '",' £'J._", ~ ,an,12~'h , Jrn'm~.~J- ad LO IOO~, .' -"d',' -tne ~"f':-- t'- he h-, ea ;~'flfe'd,-d': ~ 'BI '0' -, ; I""·~'~-,~,,-,;- t-,.'·',".i!"iirAl:li.IIC" ID mO'wC,D1811[Eo mpar 1.1La~1 ~i!DI'n"y,"::' degree 'tiD myI,> bedyr All 'that I could ~""'~'I we' _ ·:·"~·S·""I ".",-. the weight of the suitcase upon my chest. I felt ··f', _,. wlel,g._, _: Wi, IlCr '..' and iUle ..."-,ft:., : _ ,al I..·-,tb: ..e ,·_-,:,---_·,;'h--"t- of ~-, dead'.,.,. ~-..J:. I guuy an .. ..L.-, 0.0'1:11.0 .,-. ~"'~~I':"h, ~~t~' __d II: nme aeen pressing I.D, W,I:aC.:.... I}_: -l·~···h~ 1,lor aJi ·t", 'I·, ~., ay a '., upon my ch est~ The eeu n't-'ry--",,_:_, on '_' ~"",'Li!,JlI sid ,._: oL·f·····~ C"'- road "w"(:'a': th ~ - ~~ ~:_:, -- , ' -'. e .... ., ~tJ. 'd enve )~IPI·t8i~- In d'- ~nse-: rmst w,- '--''--:iith" " extra 'Q..,d,' I'ID' 'nT' '.• . "-""1' ,', -,-"", '-d-'- and smoo _:·-,-",-,,, ,',:-, th .., L ~--,--~,-'-, bv h I,. It "·th' mess .ne nearse pi4Sle,~, ·'f· ~"II~' oassed speee anc _nd '"' ,....- ,_..:I .'_. , '-----A •.. 1,evel grOUD.· .., an.:i, SiUea.ms, all,Y ,a,ne'w ,ao,U, Illngu '1- " __,,-J " . . .ar dsc ~np -'£-Id'~ .... ,~lOre - - .' .-; .... '" . L· -; . L~ .d'" d wan,:.,Q:ca,_" UD,Q.-.le.,I. ~_D_,-,. me, one !,UC:j;1 as~ -I' Illa~_ 1!'~ -. 1'_,~ h-' id f' 'Dever' seen,: Jlleeplrng or WilJQo_g',. n_ eaer st,"~_;'~~ Q'VII the road was a lineef hills standing quite -cIGar ',-·c" ,."" ',,' ,'" - eh cr"'l A:"" t, t'- b'", - lieo·" ",~11-1' L. -- --, Ou_ one - an(JI-,I,'.--: " ._.',__e~r. ot 011 th'-."_,~_tJllS, (I;tere , were .:~' ,e h numab'e~ of f'W\~I~~~1 crouching aceurse d-II ·t",P'P."-' -~,a, v' "'''',ll'II,:, ~Ul :; [,,:,I~~I, ',;-ct.w,een WI-l'ClI, one c~aug'I,lJt Sl"g~"t f'r'- ,ash~,grey b hi .-;L L:'~ hhouses sba'ned'._:_ p-vrantids, cubes and;' 'p~ri';m:-'s-' 'r .....like' .:_ ' ,",ith 10"" -da ,__ W1D<OWS WI~-,OU' t" ,palles~ . ,h ,e c-.~, d ," ~ ithc :-I-' -,' ," - ','-, ,-,,', WI-I, I,~W" ar:JII._, " U"lld [0' s- - were- 'l-IiiI'k-' " rne WJI!_:I' .C-Y":,''-C·--S" 0,: , a man I,~, a,,' w - ~t- -b ,,·1d - - f' .. ~'_.lilr., ,~,I">.,,: l'G; state- of dleliriumThe- walls of the houses appeared f' • '~ll~ · to P,O_C,IS, "~t. e pFope'rty 0_"" Insu-ll~g mtense 00 Id-' into th'. b---'C-:8', rt Br"" the passer-b r~"'- O-:',D[-':Ie' ~e:J-c~"t.tlJd:1 '.~~ '0::0':-'.., .i;L·a',:'t~' .. ,.. Lv -,·,1,:[1.;1) ~ ',lYIng 'C.rt,.tare ~Ct)IU:",_:, ever L;" I-Ii' ild-'dt th JJ:8',ve", 'w:e,1-" tDI':'_:~ose' n /"h">""''th-'-",-- ~_·a,. -' --','-,- .. _~IU1, II ·h",·,,,- ". ' --h--" b,.'~ uq(!:,. oce.r "aps~~_~y..- be, '. d" 'bI,eell b', ~'·'·I,t'-;00"".', ,louse,', t'I_~_e " ·ts Fal IbIOI,,_~ ;0, ,e.th' 11e,f1e,-,·,-:. b ,ao,gl,. d--' ": .... ' (''--:-'' :__~~anel 'w,as tak' 't,L -, A-p" ~~~,' . i·)tl,:,'p_reID,oIYUle;'nver O,'.,I:le h-' ,-,~,-,1~:';-,,'IIJlg me by a by..~oad or by .somespecial '"(lute of his 1".;-'' & I::n'~" "·w- -·' A, O:lil;:"". 1. ~~'-' s-r.!'&m',\} _~ p-,l~Jc-_a •. 1" ~""~a,,·'t' 'W··-~Il" t"D',-,- 'b""e" se'=~1~1&:_1 ._ '01... : ·Jl -LlI_'~ -. -th'- [ 'd' r th~ road, were ~tu'mJ\s aDa, ~ 'et~ ,"Ier' Ill' .e ~o; ''twi,,",ed~·•,· t-·-,re··,-~D.- 'b~,py·':ft'D··lld" wi···',:h::-"I-'C;~~ 'w'-·"'-c-¥le' h·o·'iil-e·~· -ralol"m'-'e: ' , , _~,L. .. . .. ,_,...:11. ~.~ -a ~..~,.:_ 0"5~
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squat, some tall, of ...eometrical ;shapet___;perfect eones, truncated cones=-with narrow, crooked wind~ows 'fro,m 'which blue flowers ,or morning ,glory protruded and twined over the doors and walls, Then this landscape disappeared abruptly' in, the dense mi's,t.. , The Le-"a'Y:y"- pregn + ';10-""u' ds which covered the' J.,~.'.' Ill:.-· ,-'.:: \~, ..... ·;I;~.J,I"'..: .. '_', -'. top' ·of the hills sagged oppressively. The wind was blowing up a fine rain like aimless,. drifting dust. We had 'been travelling for it. considerable time when, the hearse stopped. at the foot of a stohy,aridilill on which there was no. trace of ..'-- -,,~: -.-, - ... ·"d~ e- ,- 'tilt· ".r,~ C' .'~ and greenery, 'I'" ,.-J'1-, tb,', S--'Uc_'_~~,,-.lJ[li1·C'- I-Oi~ m "'Y"·e,~' h est , ",.' c_,,-,---,_ ~~ go;'t out, "--- ,0' ....-0 .:k-,~_ OUilcr ,8IQ'"-', IR:f" ,t;h-~'e'- h ~il, ,]"-1 was an .. 'l";DIO· i:'}a,,'- te.a ..ll ,.,_.· .--: ~U,I:e . ~~",::,.;~. u, enclosure, peacemland green. It was. a place 'w:hich I: had never seen 'before, and yet it looked, 'Camil'ia'f to, me, as though it had alwla·YI been present in some recess of my mind, The ground vi~~s ~f bIlle, I~e·~tle; 11l000ing glory. I felt that 00 one ·until that .momcmt had -ever set foot in the place, Ipullle:d the suitcase out. and set it down on the ground, The old dri'ver tu'ro,led ro,und .a~Ddsaid,,1 i'We?'te ft'Olt ,far from S:h,a'h Abdo;'~ A~im,,~ You, won't find! 8· better pIace··tbanthis for what. 6U b::Y' >C;fl:'. NI'frrt t want. There~lsl :nc'ver a b" ....;1 '1~,Jll,es h ,-"'Irg all , I. put my. hall~ i~to my pncke.~ .h,~~~~n~inhg ~,O pay the d.Flver lils fare. ~l that_I, au. Wit me were, ,tw:gl "~atuand, one: t,lJ'.i(Ui., '. The dl1v,c;[ b'u,rst ~nto a bollow ,grating laugh and said,
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aboat H,r,av'e~d'!-:a:a;:.Dg··~i,,-I can tell -Y'-OUw, Yes N,othing··;· ..1Q be ~amedl:);r. ;'Shall we go? There'; a .' ~ b near here~_;y' a cypress tree, 1'1-' I!11'[I Idlg'you a hole' ~ '.. he.ri h JUSlt the n,g,-tslz,Ci;o,r thesui iesuitcase an d··,ien W~:i'')-' Ige, .. u · tho The old man spran~g'down frOID his seat ·w.itk a.nimbleness ofwlUch I could not have imagined him to be ~a'oable ,.I_, teok ~ "". th··[-·· .."" ....[.~ an·.·. we' _[~l ~_-.~~ .. .~:, .. p .~J!ecase ..': d walked side by sid'e 'until 'we' reached a dead tree h I'.:. '-'. W __ieh stoo d jLJljsl.~~._e ,-:Iry' ,Avc:r'~b d M com.. 1..- id a d ~·_ -.e·· •. ,1·Y ,ad paD i 0.0 sal :.1--:, 'Thi~' ii' , ... a·'-' goo d P'I' 1- , ,., "S' I-"S~' .. a· ~ ,:.... ....'" '.•• . e. h- b W ·,,·I:IUiout W8lltlOg' lor an answer, I:.·.,eg;an, at enee 'to dig, with a small spade and··" a P-~II;-'<'~~' . h dch -,w:' he bad brought with him ..1 let the suitcase dOlwn " a-'DI·d" 191.·00~., ,:.·.eSI'.'·.e I", ,·w_ .. a,_~ln···, o. t· - .... T"h- 0'Id' ...' .. ·'tr··.. ···d··1 b-~·····~d-' !j·t·, In ~. k '-: ·d·- -·f-;"· I.o,rpor. ,. ~.l~: ma:D, 'bell't dou_-le, 'was wlor'kiog aw;a,y with, the' deftness of one who was' med to the joh. In the oDlurse fl hl~' d· lcrfl10a' b' came aCirOSI an 01b ... .-:lS ,. ~·.1'ect 'e." -e' .. '. -;JI whIch looked bke a glazed Jar. He wtapped It D'p.. in ,a dirtv ba'" :-- .. .- ... I, stood urp':. an··'I-·'·d'·_: · d'kerchie[' _-:... - ...", ··-· s,~:d··:·1 -'''1 .. . 'There's" your hole. Y·es.Just the right size for thle~em.I'··...'... g·.~e·: TI-:'h~~· --A,~.C····t·fi"t·-""V'·sr' :, p -~~:II~. '-. ~ I 'P"ut--' . '-:-:.:'·'c..'alle' ., . '-~.'..:.. m.y h!II,'·;'·d·~1 In ~O .I,I.IY po ck:...··e .,.~ .. ,pa.y h··-- r...'. . ._ t:·_ ",0 -." .. ,. _,l;m lor . I war' k·.c··'_Alii ·tl.~,rat --:'h ~a=w' wtl:.!~1 me' "wer~ two llTora' ]IS, . ~ .h, .: d ·'th· -..~.. ,1..,1...... ~ . _·.e .' '. and' o,ne a~flrJlUI. I-Tlh···· - 0'"Id" :man. ..b' _..".- '. a h' ~ 1'1,ow ~,unt Into .- .10 ' ~. '.,~~ 'Ii:&'~h'... .'. t·· ". .....~.~.- ft: ""-"'IL ·""·11 . - .. ., I_.a,u,g;rl.Y~~';--h-' b·', -,._....['.. ~ht· ou I'.. goosel.'IGHI, a [_over' -,' my .IC~_~ .,:"fiOUg, bodY' an~' sal···· d "d Don t worr.y about that. That s al nghit. I :,. ·;.re ~h~' v .'.-::.. kn""· W· ,_.:;-./.; you I'-'~'~'~:-, •. I'" ·&oy case, ,I ,[olund a ow .lve,. ~Ies ,0

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it into tlie ~ncb; which proved to be of exactly the right dimensions, a perfect. fit. However, I ,felt that 'I m,Dst look iota the case' once more, 'I' :ooked around. Not a, ,810ul was to 'Ie seen, I took the key from .my pocket and opened the Iid, I drew aside a corner of her hlack dress and saw, amid a mass 0f coagulated blood and swarming m~'!il:a,.or-:~I. two .t"".I~I't-L, h- a: ~Ik·' ~'Y"'A-S'-IDt.g·II7I'~nlO' '~-"!!-\id··~~ly"; -_.'--'.'r:J(~J'~" ,_;- .,' bM~~ ,1:1Jl'~":_ ",,-, at '.-_-,~ me 'with 0,0' trace 'o,e ex,pression- in them, I' felt that mJ entire being was submerged i.D the depths h h n ~~' o f these eyes, H'!,astl~'Y-I' _L -- -il ',- shut tne ]\I!d~IG th ,case or ",e' and pushed the loose earth in on top ofit ..When 'hi . h ·'n~-I ., .• I iLL the trench was ,;I.I,\e":, d' In 1- tramplecd "Iuie earth _ fi:rm" 'b,r,ou,ght a number of vines of' 'blue, scentless m.omillg glory and set them in the ground above her graveo·Then I collected sand anclpebbles and scattered them around in order to obliterate the traces of the burial so completely that nobody should be' able to tell that it bald ever taken place .. I perfQFmed this task so wen that I myself was unable to distinguish her grave from - the ~su.r,ro'undi~g'ground, ~ When I had finished. I looked. down at myself ~"D··.Id- saw that m~-I;'y·-·' clothie W,····PJr--and smeared ~~.& a... w,j,th Iclay' a'od, 'b'Ja,c:k" c]:ot:t,c!d 'b:lood ..Tw'o 'bl'ister.-lIie;s , 1· ell w'er,e ICIT,elI D;g. ,arou,nd m,l~ am)~~a :n1u:m·b 10' r·' tln:y .~~ .. I~eir 'mra,ggo:ts, w'ere wr,ig'g:lin:g;, stu,c':k to ~y cl,o,th,es., In ,1.'0, atte~mp't to, re!mov;e' the 'bJood,5ltains (rom, th,e skirts of my coat I moi$te:ned the edge of my meeve with saliva and rubbed at the patches; but ~L L) dO, t 1 kd 'L__ I 'Ul,e Li" ,00:- s: -atn,s, a;nJrY soa, _:,ej-_c loto, tI,I'C m,afCeriJa'" .so,
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of'a hollow grating laugh I turned and saw a 'fi:;~1 -: -h,' -1_,,:" _. .. _ -,gure ~.t~ ~ ItS[ race concealed by a, scarf muffled around its neck. It was seated beside me and held 'under II its arm something wrapped in a h~ndk~'-' ~'h·"~':...,~ .~. :" ~r.,~. ·er~· e ...~l", -t turned to me' and said, , 'I suppose want to get into town? Lost your ·w·:,···."a:-'v .p.,'- , ; ~"- -. ,",-',.'.'ideri , 'h- ,'. .._.. ~. _···.,-» ·e···h·;·'jM)[ S::·g,lpose ylo-u " r'~wo'n:.e~rID'ig W ':i at ,' .. r I. I'm dOing 111 a graveyard at this time of llight? -"T 'd D'" ,1,,.0~ello t L........ atf~.[."'....J ;,ea:. d b d-" are ~y regular 00 ~ ~O.lles" busmess,.Grave dJggm:g's my trade. Not a bad trade, eh? I know every nook and cranny of this place. Take ,~ case in _point-today I went out ....JI·· d -- on a gr,a'y~e:~'lllggJ.ng•'O,..~~, -~ ODD', this jar j/o 'the' J 'b F ~:1 gzound. ICn,ow' what :it is ~ It's a fil- ow"'c"r', va se f.."'~m'l -h--g'~e-,,-. ,.-...... ---.-'-. !J_.':', ....~.~~:.. ~he a . -' '-f"~R·~.,·'-J' "'~o·-'... It~~~·a.~s.,.~o~esrom the .an~llent lelty 0·1. r·,'CY. Yes . a That's all right you can have the jer K· _ 1 +_ d'. • 'ttp to remember me by ~ I put my hand into my pocket and took out tw{) "Tans and one tdJlJrui. The old man, with a hollow laugh which brought out gooseflesh a1
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where y~u live, too. I've uot a hearse Q stan d .In~ Just near .here. Come and I'll drive you LO_"m'~'~' y·.·_.CI I;t'~ ol.n~ ·";1y'WO S'[:.lepsaway ..' ..t' .,--- - ,. -_.. , fJl,--:·",:;~~ .. ,,","113.[~' __ ' ~, Be put .,the jar into my Iap and stood up. He was laughing so violently that his shoulders shook. I picked up the jar and set off in the wake of the stooping figure" .By a bend in the road was st_:nding' a, ramshackte h ears e with two gaunt .' ,-;-cl( nerses harnessedto it. The 01 man sprang black h up with sUfpming n'mbleness and took his place 36
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' bl k ICOIIID hi IIe a )-1 my' 1-.'I!';. m ·al~.,ac_·~, m w__ .a bent old :man .I! .lie whose .face I. could Rot see transported me through the mist and the passing shadows. The hearse stopped. I picked up the jar and , , th'' d sp,ra:ng tothe po'u·n,-'- .•. I" was outside the door of L1:,····· .. edl ..,... rd '. ," ,....:1' my O':1:·TI"!Ii, house '1 ,~lurr,le went_ 10. an" entereu '_''''!JY w1en my: :~oom0i'I put the jar down [DID the table, went h ~'th 1 stnug t mto tne closet and brought out from its ~itlinl-place the tin 'box whic,h served me as ,8 . -r.. II... - ,..... th d d ):nl' t'OI IgJV'iC 'It to the .' [.. ", sate. . went '~,'I :Ie, oar" lD'len,I. · d o Id. h earse-dnver In lieu of payment, but be had ... r "C" '-. ''', d···· ....... d th - -lsa,ppel.are·:.,; tnerewas no Sign 0: '.- • o:r 'o!r his mm he";:- "--;'. ''1:'., ,I~~·,....J I" w[ent 'L_:. 'k'." ,,'.,-.....,mlY room".... .. . _.~ I' ,."arse, .r~r.U·I:~I,a~,eu". (,. , uaL(; to Ht the lamp, took the jarcut of the handkerchief in which it, 'was wrapped and ~W'··::I·th.'· ~- my I,,·l".v··"e··· rubbed away the eaFtb~hich~ted 'it. It W:-"a~ ancient!, vase wirh a-' tr ~njsparen VI'O" et g,az[e: W~'~IY,Ji :--·/·t -:·'"I..t····!·· _ ..hi ...... L :., ,,~ "_" .-~.'.-~~~.-' ~- .' had turned t.. th 'COlour O_' a c,rus,':·d b6·· 8"-,1:'Y,. o ..~~e .. ,, ,'-' ·..··f·"· ,,···"·.,1 h .[.ister-:': ,-~ ,-.,'.' .·_,Cr 'f .... ..O"·'In, D"'ne sid •. '011 'tb''" [,I,e 'b""'-'l-'I', ';: the , "," was ani _~_,ev'ase almond-shaped panel framed in blue flowers of m---·o·im"""·l~n'.·."g""" le"ry·:'·'· '..'D-"d,-. 1'"," t'-'_,e ,,', .....- e'l • '" - '~ '-~:: : '',.."',,.'" a' ". 1'0 -"b'", p~,n" .... ' . g·.~' In .thc .almond-sltaped panel was It;r portrait the, .[ac,e ,of a wema'ft, with_...._ ~,eat .:_' blac:--~ e. '"','~"e',., .. . - ---10("""" ,,'. ~[., y ·t·,... ~e,re -. h' e-V:~ 11.... ·a·,I., ", '. .' ·b"Ii. -,--'.' ,':, '. "'!a:n at-h'·~,er'peopl~)., ,e's. 'T'. ·I!.re'y' .. :.llgger th·" ,.. wor,e [a ([oo,k [Qfrep-;··roaeh,.. ,as, thou;o-h. the.y"· h"; oad~··I··~·.· ~\~n-I"'[ "cb' _'-_"_'.'. __ ' e" ~> I" .. ~ h'~ ~"~ m' .''.' ..c·o',-·'. m·c-··mc· , ·I~·t···so··"m' e'"l~n.v·p'I'·a'b"I''. SID '~. f'-' W~~_' h 'I' ~."ITad-' -.-~~.A.i ::",e •. 0 - hi""'~Ie;,., no knowledge .. They were 'fria.hte·D'iua 'malric .- e'y' es 0"-" · . ,. ,o'_' ") .'. WIth an expresSion of 31lX1ety and wonder, of lDenaC'6 an:d 'p'fOlmise. The:y' te'rrified, m:~ and a'traeted me and an intoxicating, s,upematutal radia'oee sh[olne frOID th1e:ir d'···:ep..I~II.. H·~ a c"'h(e-.lk·',,.c:·tLr.... ..:e··irl '.....:._/_:_.:._.~~_: - .. _.. d .,er' £':.' l' d h· ho ne,1!!! .,iflC... p_[o,mloen:t an-, h' ',llo'reh.ea:, ...tg'h-' _:~.f[·:'&I~ '
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eyes to which I had given burial there, b¥ the hill, at the' foot of the dead IC'Y,plres!, tree, beside the drv river-bed ,". under the - blue ft',.", ':, ers of . ~ [1 ., '. - ..,-' ,'~ '0;1., .- ,- '. 0,...: morning glolry,ami[Q thick blood" amid 'maggots[ and foul creatureswhich were holding festival around her" whit ~the plant-roots were a_ready reaching down to force their way into the' pupils - - d1w. fi"" rth th .. "".I ''.eir jtuces=-tncse same eyes, ..~ ';--' ~":_ IS~~CA ,( ,0·'.-' brimfJ1l of vigorous life, we e at that moment .,
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h..·.1S, l~ll,e, 'a'.)-.... _'" h'·.,a:·d-·" .'.,....!llor. .., . ,so' .. " burned and melted away in the depths of two 0,1, lLIL1I._~I:~ ar-·e"a-'t'·, bla ck eyes just '8""S" mine had done The h h .~'O'"g:t ,gav'e me GgOSO 1 .:aUo:tt. -1-.. 't·, "my ,_ .... 't··,.. ,-- b-..' -:"d-'- [e th '.' "t UPQIIlIII e ."-.-.-',.d th.. ,Jar ana , set ., paIR1_:.lng oeste - u' at :........ and IUD :_',.' ,. :.·:t :,,4., ['",,'1 l .:,';:':."' wen. "R ~.. 1 ·'d-\l~···dl'· the,e CIJ.,arcoa·, 1ft my . opmme brazier. .'When, it· was 'burning well I set the' brazier down '~D front €Ie 'tile' two paintings. I --".'-, tew w.•.1118 "'f'- ,.,:L· -..~, '.'d' as, ;'.e 1 d rew a C:.",-, whiff erme opium-prpe ,an,'· I, ..~,the drug began to take effect, gazed steadily at the pictures~ I felt that I had to concentrate my thouzhts and '."_.'.nnlv .:,..1D,g' '.~~La[~ ena ..1 en Bl.e '::0 that tabled -.. ~.t'l 'IUl:0ug'·.~',aD,. the [OH'y thii Ie ,...;11.0,-", [ . O··· and t·"'O··g'C··"hi-,,'iI~V'.IA tranquillity of mind were U[.. S···.·' '_ __ ":
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each moment that passed I grew smaller and more like a child. Then suddenly my mind became blank and dark and it seemed to me that . sl :.er ".. k I was suspended from a, s en d h00,'" ID-h·····'k th ne shaft of a c ark wen. Then I broke free of the ..... •.. OQ and dropped through space. No obstacle inter .. rupted my fall. I ~~ f!,lling .. nto .~Il ..•~finite i 1 ti tht A.,~ - ,- I~J'J_,~ '~. a~,!y~ss an evenasung mgnr, Arter that a long In . eries of forgotten scenes flashed one after another s before my eyes. I experienced a memen ... f utter: o 'b'I'· '. ~ IY:IJen I eame to myse'" I e: ' "" m vself "., nn '£ ,IOU. d·· ,: to 'O:,~,J,vton '1.'~. (' in a small room and in a peculiar .. posture which .d L 'e,,I. struck me as strange and at the sa,111 time natural to me.
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.. 'b''" h h wor '-dc' hieh was ancient bui·t,' 'W":7"l-ril at. tne same ... wmcr I' d htime was ctosei ann more natura 1-to me than the ~~~C -h on ier. It was 'still .. wrlight,., An oil-lamp was burning on a 100h-'rPl' f There was a:· be d 'UI' nrolle ·'d·~'* th··e··' In ... ':'.",.-(~-", ...'f: .. toom,. JU ;,'. ... ., ...;,-k','-' [,,[¥ ... odv COiro,er o:_ thee '_-,,' .-. 'b- rt --, was awae[., -M··:i'..b 0. y r.<l· bu .... ,_I~O._ ... T·-h'·'··· "-'. were- 'b·,I······ ,..l·t-· . ~~i 'on my od ;'~'[-. telt aurmng h .ot aere .'."... ,... I.", oousrams . c oak and 'scarf and m-~'~'y"'h' an l·U,· were covered witlt _ ds y~".-_ ~ ,~._.~,., d ~nn '~-- .'. .. ·r-' r..- ,... an . -,·d-di '.-,-, 'x'-:;'p"-r' tii;t·· .. hI" 100,:' '. B":~rt lD spite 0,: rever ,.,-- d.• ,g1.mmess .i e~','~'11!~_: .-..,.'.:, d.. _ :Iii - .:; h- IC·" en,ce~' a pee,D. Jar anImal-lo,n, an d '.... ~t··_]c.-::-~. .. r,es,I .... isne,s. W·· 1~''-' h'w··:'·:e~e stro'ng,' :"c-r than any< . hOlug· .-t 'I mig::,-h't have' bad
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was always my opinion hat the best course .-: a:"·m:QL'n' eould take in 1"I~G!e'-.'_ W··:·iQ)S·· to re rna IlD'" silent: .,1"- : 1- .' -, that OD'C could 'Riot Ids better than 'w-ithdr,a'w'into solitude like the' bitte·rn which spreads its 'wi,n,gs beside some Ion ,ely' lak~e.. ut now 'I since that which .B should not have happened has happened, I' cannot help myself Who kn,o'ws,? Perhaps In the course of the next few moments, perhaps in an hour's time, a band of drunken Policemen will come to arrest me, I' have not the least deslre to • ,-.'.' d_In save my carease, a,DI_-· any case It 'would, be quite impossible for me to deny the' crime, even supposing that I cou ld remove the bloodstains, . ut before ,::fall ·int.o, tbe'ir' ha'-ds I ,s,hall s:wa low' B .fr;o~'~·m···I·': ,t-'·h.: 'e"~" b-~o,··-·:t---,t-ll!e~· WJ·-·..·i!!I'n·e~ m···".y h--:-·e,-·'i!!Ilr-I-,Jo···o·0-"-·(" . ' ..··'m-···· a.·· g,la's! which I keep OD the top shelf. ... I wish :OrOW t10 squ'eez"e' out. ev,e'ry' dr,olp o,f,j'u,ice :(:bom Illy life ,as fr'om a cluster lof grapes, ,an.d to pour the Juice--the wine, rather~rop by drop, like ,w,ater of &ar;bala, * d,QWD th,e' ,p1avc"hefd thr'O&t of :m,y Sbaidow .. AII that I .h,o.pe to ,do i'l to r,ecord
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-v," ,:_.,~.. .:__...1!' . 1--:- o· the torments which have on paper before ·g···:-' d me away 'I'ii!k- gangrene .. or"') cancer ·:-= -' .·.. 1- .. ,5 (jW.~.y waste nse here in lIl·y,····· littl !.i roo m T-'h-I'I·'I"I'·: 11·-8' the best mean I have of brin,giBg order and regularity '::0.=0 ,my thou Ia.bl..•• Is lilt,-· intention to d_raw up a last "Wl,III'I-l'l ft"Iiv ;Ii.:a.. ..':', '." .1I 1.'J: -'_',. ,_ -._ ~,: , ". '.__:_ _ ,JJ,It..tD._': _.~: _ and testament '? By '0,0 means .. I' have D'O property , f('lf ,LIly"., State to devour, I" b.1~1",J'e' no faith for_, th ~e ... e h ,. , .v '. '_ _ .",-,- .. _ .. I~_.. '. , Devil to' take M'" creover.:, W-h--at_ !-·:'j·j,·'rie OlD £LI~ - "a "8- the - iU:le \~<'~:.Ili .. -·', .. 1.'/ face of the earth that could have the slightest -'-"'1"" lor '.- P W"~-' '. t lll'e. L~a, v,a ue· £;.'-:.-- inC ,.,'. h- at iI'.:·". I h ,-d. I' have allowed tc 'lave ~.owe, _,10" . Ii! - away.. I· perm) -.··t·t·· d" It I· even - - ".-..'. d 'It- LO g: 0 .'.~ 'lle: - wantec Sp.I.1 " - ~ I -,an,d after ,I have gone what do ,I care what : "" .__ -...." ,: ... :., _-~,~e '.,~-.0 same I. . lei (Ier ..... .... h lappeD!,'~ II' t IS a-11' th.... .'--.~t.. me Wrh'. th.-'.' anyone'.' _"'.sd me "'-'-~'_-::-'-...0 .. .-;, -, heth .er rea _8 the scraps of paper 1··-··-···· b ~'~',.d or WII,e~·ci -',':, ,.eave.. nenmc th~!eyremam unreaed -:/:".....'.-' an _,a- dav I'Th-"'" onry .... .. -.. s lot- ever ad . "ay r ne - "1·-·· '~',:. , -.--:--.: h· k III," dt~~ln:gth:;,at mazes me wrIte IS tth neeo, the over ae .. 1 mastering nee d ,at ... IIlQIRcnt more of,gent than ..', tms .,-.-:. I., was _.. u~ .~ ····,t- .0 '--:-.'eat a ----h-' -.' "-.. -', .. ever it ,....... ... l.L_, pas" t·-· create - " cr 'anne' ·'1 n between 'lIr'y'? thoug;: h~ts a:'ad my 'OI.':_,·U: .bstantial . .. '1"(1'-' .,-- '- -' ,'_.h-. "-(1--' .:: - --- h -", -'I. '.. '- 'h' 'd',~~ --'-- -hL~" ··h··-'-se m'y Sea I_O'W, tt at ·SlAlster s '~,a' OIW w, .~IC,··at 'this '·L d b tit IJ,g:' rt moment ,1:9, stretched across, t,:',':e:warI') In 'I' e 11· h ttitu of' the ,Q'::I'I-l.'··!D·- PI'-:" in th a-'- de c'If~'...ne:' , studyi 'licng"~;-' v---= ' '. :,-'en., ve.:y ·an·. ~ r,~_leVlou_n,ng eae·11 wo;r·-, l I.- wn t·-C'. .. 11;. d'- d".-:'.'.~. -, ...•.,. - -",··,··'h- . - ,: ,,;". :d ".- , '-'. a t-·-t Tltis' ,ahaCl·ow Is:urely u'R.'derstand;~bettler tba'o :--do. '·'t y-" -'1m hi ;at .' '.•,e,r.:,y\. I-- 1,1~O'D,1-' to h- ,t·~ I c·an ta:'1'1 p:~~rop, I • 'I t .1'1 'h-e' wll(t ,co:mpels me' to talk. Only' he is ,c,apab.le: or "1 d -d 1- IS DIY' 1:<,DoWlng m,c'. H-" s'urciy uni·ersta,n~:_s .. ' ,...e 1.,( ., ·wish when 'I have p,~olurcld the J'. uic,e" rathe'r' the 'bl'·ttlA~-., . or"·~·--- I""b 'd"ow.' -- i: .-,e pa- "'"hed '.·t-h- --0- t Wln.e~<:··: my,II[~ '.-·~·"':·Dlb'," .- '_<,:''..r~·,:-J II'r~a .. £1' -, . " ""!L.. :·d·' .' :~. .. .• e , ~ 0,1; my ·",:I.a,·.'OW" t'·,0 say t0 'h,·'" ",1m, '-T'h"- IS IS m y~'I~I~~ ,- .\' . -. ..' +,.:;.J\ :.' ··"k-I· . Wh'-·oever.' saw m;e..f'es.··te-,·-_..il., ,saw a, was~eu". '-Si,e ·····Y _ .;.. ,: . '.';-.- -::--~ ;',-·.- '. :'Iuay _. -.. ')0 '';''-'" Y--oun17' 'ma'o- 'Todjay····:· h-'"e would see-'a 'be'nt old DIan
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lth 'W;J:ll"leh .. b .-t - . t 'CY:'-;' oao:_ a .1·~Larelllilll'p.. 'i'\.-.·~t-' h - l~ ~ ':-~al"; ournt-out -. e·'s _. d ,. ~ ,", raid -0 I~OIK,..... ~ -'t" .' -"r' ~ .,'---""r:: .. ,. __ I am- a.-fj:-rain tc 'lA, 11,... o,'ut or th e wmed ,ow. 0, mry room lor to ),0·0k.. at myse;'If'., th e rmrror f m ..... 11-' ror everywrb ere '-. seemy own~ L.;;::· ...l, I' -,-,- -~, -,'.: ' ',I"p~,. .·d'.. ; .s~la8:~w mu-l't· -:~,_,:6' ,'.e,·' In d·'· fil' '0:11t- ;e1·I;-~( . rer .y~1 :., .. ,~ ; -,~:;1:-1'~ _~,oweJver, - -~'d" .'0' eXp~JLa]n ,IIIi 'l:~. H··.' ;'IHr=,-.,"';, m. or ae-'r'- t -;:;.'~ -- ",:-ru' UI-'C .._, ,~" stooping shadow I am oblieed '1;0 tell a: storv -, U'g,h' '.now many stortes B 'b - 'rove, copu I:R,tlfOh" 0_. n: H-· bout I -.'.",.-",_,1,",:1 .J' .- ....'~ ..~-',' ,_,-.:-_.,_ "marriag e and death alreadv exist not one of ,W, ,111;, 't,· ,.)] tb'·I_. tr- rh- tH-~'· SIC\~, I a:m 0'-f·':--'we~._:-c,oln-h ich -e'.·_SI:-C~le ,~,U'·· "ow .-. k -' -- - - · ·1-')- .. C!!1,t-"'I"UC",-,tJ ed p--'II,oc~"J~1 a nd bl.···n·~'lili·Ii!!lg~'n-·-·'t·_ -··.····'~i";:D-~'lT w III IL~. JL 'b. l shall try to squeez~ o;ot the juice from this cluster efgrap es [jut whether or "Dot the result 1- contain t- 'h·' -', Sll,g_ic-~es,~ pa, t-,,,l_I'. v. -. rUUl L.Od'·· -.,., ' ' -,1-'·'·'· If,', t ' ....LlJ&.I!I Air' . -, I I'~ w:_ :~ '::_ g. 1-; d D···· n,~ kn "i"*~h-···i~'''' am ''41.' ....hls -I~ nOli' y.'.',,:~,t··' m,Ctjlmreht 'L whether 'the' patch of sky~ above m'y~' ..',.':___ ,>' head and these few spans of ground on, 'wihich I am sittl'Og bel 0:0,g' to Nisu,a,pur Ofr' to B:alkh * or '10' Benares, I 'feei,lu:re ef ,not~hiu,gin, the world, I have seen 80 ma DY·'·: eontradictorv 1 41':,L'lin·trtA a ¥ti,'" IU." .I1.1.tJ. baYf!, be'ar,d so mJlflY wp,rdll of' difIe,rent I,OJ1l,! my e'w-e,s, h:a,ve: se~cn, 'B,O much D'if th,(I! W'Oltntiilout iu,Jace ,I.' . '" I :~j -··f~··,\b,,··-···,-·t·· IQ., var,lous o_-,~eC'.-SI--"'." th--····· ull~, t·",_·, . h!i_"'c-~dl L-h· -"d· ,e: .110U8',I'" no:'. ~C'In" .' \L ~ ·'h th·····,· ." ···l·\"t' lS, .-Iuv ,,-- ;lIi,,'L: Wl':1l1CI :_! :~' sn.lrl ~' ,~"." b·,1! Ad' eD-lula 't··.' n··'-, -, .' :cOIW I'· b·I,=:. "'-,·eDCf1le' Y ".,O·-: ~l"~ 9' . A·-,·:t··_-11_ ~ v.-,ry ~ m,uUl·: "'t'" l' W'-,tI, 'b-"\.. 'Ul~ .... .... '--.-e·· ? .. n i~-'--lle'D· A 0-":··t .,:"Lp. 1.£1, ""',o.,~ ._'- .. Jt-~~Ij .. . f- . ·'L:'I . ,]ltI! . L,j l' eX:lsten,ce, 0__ tangllJ~,e:,so,'I~.JI 't1~llDgS" I" d' O'U,b''!t ICJ;ear'( . .'-_ Rlan:ifest truths,_ I'f I' were 'to; s'trik,e m'y hand, ,against a·· t-' 's,t,"a···· -I ·d:..:'o ~.D ·th:· -~ ,CLCQ,rac_ 0 _ ·-~·:.---,--;, ., ..-",.",.,-; ..--_. -.. r-· ··--f~' our th·, ~ to· '·"n~' ,~. __J"" c' _,..:__'~ ''m'"&A'r,t-~a''''' ' ~.11l ,\~, ;;:-7' IC1o,u:rty'ard ,a'nd, w@·re t,o as,k, it, ',Ate'V;oa real ,a'otl
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solid l' and the 'mOIl-tar' were to replIY", 'y,eS'~,.I' de not, kn,Qw' whether I sheuld take :its won:l lor DO,t. Am I a being separate and apart· from the rest ,o:~'f':'-~~~~j+~i~O--~"~ - :1-- --d__:_,-'"D '-II~'-O'!i~~~-~~~'~'~- t-- II~ •• 'I" 'l',i'oftk,ed:_"B-:.·u~' 1iII~~ ..,•. i:p,·t,othe RJinur ,8,mOBlmt ago I did, not :r«:egnise' tn,ysel[ No" the' old '1'" has ldied and roned aw,ay, but DO tt.ni,e~F:"D~O ,gul:f, emts be·t1veen, it and the new one, ,I m'ust" tell lD,y :IWry" b',at I aID ,nJot: IUR: atwh'sl poInt to start. Lire is notbiag but a fiction., a mere story. I must squeeze out the juice hmdl.e cluster of,gr:apes and peur 'it, spoonfiJI'by'-,spoonful, down ,.l--~ ',,' "~~h' ed 'lb': A1f·-': ':'~:;e: ..qBr~ ~':""i~"d-~' Ar_; ili'Jlii"t·,·0w,:hr' lLa\.; p. v __ .U:J"JlO gJm ___: point shauld ), start '? All the th,Qughu, whj,ch are
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this, passip,g instant. and know' nothing '0£' hours, minutes alld dates, }\n, inc~d,eftt !of 'yesterd'ay Dlay for m- ~-~ 1- 1,,;'an1ifi· -~ao--,.'(..-t t~ ~P..D-- 'I" ....:L,~'D-· C!!Am:--· ',~, UJ,B thin;g thai ,ba,ppened, a dIOUIa.Rld years ago. Perh~ps 'folt 'title v'c'ry reason 'that ,all the bORds "I,1I.·'' h·- .I'''c~h·· ,.ilr-l~'_, . m'- \~ :~\A. UIlJi,.!. 'li- ,. ",,.;: 'I1'ti'8' 'r'¥- -'"'", a·~-;If'l;'e· A!enp' ;1., ,..'.. b'l, ",_ ' .. -~'- "r ....;'d'~ ~ ~ ,~~ .. 0-1 ,-'. :._., '_ , bee'u broken the memories of the past take shape before DIy e,es,. Past., future, hou'r" da~y',\ mouth,
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the smell of burnt omelettes, the smell Olr "fried onions, the, SIDell 'air' medicines" the smell of' mallow, the smell or'd'iny'DA,pki,n;s',L tbe smell which 'you, find in the :reD'ms of. bOfiSl ,lately arrived at puberty, the vapours which have s-eeped in from the s~t and .the smells of the dead and dying~ All. of these odours are ,still alive and have kept their In,d,ivid,Qlaliity~. There are, besides, m1any other smells of ullkn,owft, ,origins which, have left their traces there, Dpenin,g loffmy room is a dark-closet, The roem itself has two w'indows facing' O"Dt onte the werld ,of the rah'ble~, One: Olr them loolks· Dat[e our OW,n [c' 'urt y~-·-a·-;-''P.id:-',-':Le--···lLJI~.., g-:-:' nto '.'_,_i ·b-" . e'--,-. '~'U'~'.-,e-~It" I,t "rm-·-' ,D -'0 " o· ... her stre ""._" fo- nin I• .·.~:i ',,' UJ·· .. there ". a link between me and the city of Rev, tbe ,city which they' eall the 'Bride of the World', with its .theusand-fold web of' 'win d-ia,g. s:treetl" ·its host efsquat houses, its, schools and its earavan .. serais, The Idty which is aeceunted the greatest ei,ty-' in the werld is,-b~eathift~ aad l'i,Yin:,,' i.ts life, III! ~:~ there beY(JD,ld my rcom .. W,h,c:n, .1 close m:y' e:y;es here In 'm,y,li~tl[eroom the va,gue". 'blurred 'sbladows, ofthe city (of~whiGh, my mind is at all ~tiines.,aw~a~e, whether cODsciouslyor not) ·all take substantial fOlf,m and rile 'befo]}f!: me in the Iba,pe' of pavilions" mo,squets and gardens. IThese two 'windows are my li:nks wi:th 'the
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able to ·d,'is;pel. these 'deose'J clinging, :s,t.a,gnant odours: the smell of sweat the smell elf by-gone illnes:Bes, the smell of people's mouths the smell of feet, the acrid smell of' urine, the smell (I,f rancid oil, the smell of decayed straw matting,

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tc .,nll CQS,:.,~ ers, H" ow mue _ ,:peasurc ne [J:cn,v,es :-',", ·0 L,II!, ,,' ,'~to' m ,.- _~-'" - .. ' ., ,.-h .'··'1 ",'," '" ,",'." he dei ~ '.-': .. ~ , at 11 :,~ Il fh'e,··Ole'-· operations '·'1 a'::"m-', convinced dth. ',.c. '. rft,m' h:ey- ','.-.-:-: lID.. :' ,'~[ -. :-. -,' "', ,[··,;t t·:-,., give hin th I.e m:OI., 'exquisi t"·· ". p.(..easure, even I. .. -,- -', ::-, e E"·· ,'. ,,"-,' ,,'.:'., "..,'., ..,. "C'. h , [,S' ,lm'e , .,-, '_ '·:·k !C.' d""I,Ii, igl 1,1.- ,_',v,ery ~110,rnln,g ,a,1i. 't'.. :-""'~" t~:'-,· th fe' th: lC··~~ n ecked vellow doewh ich mad U distriet h 'I-'ii! AU'r' :i~'-' ,,-' I , bt preserve ,lS, t·",h···,"".,-',oUSI __ .. the ',_U: tch .er ,"'"she '-' 'H:" :,II, ,_~eFe ,'-,.:.'t"·d':I- ',,:JC .. C .,__ s ,OP'. ""' ·e s head on one . ~·d'l' near .~,,',-,"'['. "") 51 e, e g,az,e-, r-~'gc'r-",-:;,.... ,11·,·-·· I: reuui y with his wun- .IIS Innocent e,y-.-:es, the butcher's, hand, That dog at --: nds -", -' ",' 1: _... ,'L,. -~' ,C ,.. agO un d~'ers-t·,ail,. 'I., 'H"ae a IIso ,M'IOWSila',~I'e,t' h'· "", 'b..U"t,· "b--aer' e~~joys is work, h rd _ '," strar ,-",, A fi,,~t·t··'II;-, rth awa.y unc er an .arch,.lw·a,yas,.~,,~D.IC _,-,,'me £'.... ·er run arc ".. :."",., old man is :sit.tin,g 'with an assortment of wares ," "'--:""~:'I'd'I"- our ! -:L,···,·t Ip,~ea!:_._OU, ID, ,ll·., n.. of him on a canvas ,'J.v.I~,I:ee.L. rron 0" .lm '~' eThI Iley,. IDle1 UId·-I1- 'a ',SI.:c'e" .: ..,' h.'.917Be-s~,oes, assorLe". ,"hl, .'.. ". .... :., rted , . '-. 11i""'·']:I' ...e·,. "~'-kl-'I-" tWO ·,····,··,1.,_._., ,.....l'.~- ."" . ,'- ..',,- b·1.· eo .'ii/:"., a 't·, t' . co ourea'd- b.-", eaas, a ",on,g'·..ia d led cmre, '-"'" rat-trap, a rusty' pair of to'D/p"·· p-art ora writing. -set<,. a gap""- ·· L ·d'i '. .... Ld '. 'II. . d .,.. -.. tootne .", IC,Q'mltl"a spaad Ie;, an~:!" a ,g,--,az,e.., Jar. DVJe;r' ,~', :--, Ie· " ',', J · " 'hc'~J~I". ! w.-h·,-',: 'h",· 'h,_,e h-':as th l:l,f:OWO ,a, d '~:I ro' ·h anadke ,. lr~,1'--' .,,~~erc_ ,:'G- I ' have 'a-ehed him- I,i.:~.... behind my window £:'0" t ...,;__'~:,>_ _ .. from , '." ',1-' " ' ",. days, hours and months, He' alwavs_ wears a di t, - SC~I,;, a ,S(i.U;stC'f ~"o,a,,' an d am, open S,~Ll:,"I'!Ii.,,.,,r , "lh-' '.,',-I ' -k -hirt _IF:'I - ,. ,', from'",wh ieh p" r trude the W'-'h'l'~·"e'hairs h is ph'est IJ,,' " .. <. . ,-. 1[, . -h' .'. d .. " ('1-' H' e-. ha mnamend eye'1'" S wmonh are a,p,pare'D,__ as ·-Y being eaten aw,ay by 'some:' stnhbom, obtrusive . ..J~...,-.. '. ,. nd aIse,ase.. '"6.···· wear,s, a, t'; I~I.", ~ .'.-,,-,--" tied :t·,0,·h-I,lS arm an, _. ·,.e .,8 <llman, ,Jew. h'.- away[s IJ "_",., , thI:,Ie [s,am,e' pos,-ure".,',~ ",.n Th" rsda .. -' '-, e ....1 ,-," ~', ,,,jts:-' 1:0 '-',,-.:-,.-",-, ."', ..', :t~-: .. [0":'" ",,\;Irs , ',,', ay Ii'h a d I df 'K': evenings ,: e reans ao,u~ ,rom t,',e, ,.~,O:~lan" r'e'vea u'~g "'h'[- . h' ;_~,oes,;so., 0"", ". 1D1,g~i, . .'. ,I'R,'e " ht', , ~·· ye,[I:OIW;, gappy te'e't,,_, ,as ,'e' d'i... b IS, 'II' _ - .. s:u'p~,lpose tltat h:e earnleld his living, -.' by 'this Ko'ran,~ r,e'ad .1ng>~'"o IOlf,~'I h 'I,&,ve :n,ever seen, an,yc,:[o,oe b .' aBy,I',.'i!i!1 ,--,u,y' - ."1, 'I.ID.g lrO.m. " )'m"!11.- t s,eelftl ~a ".!, ·1:9, ll1 th-" . .l!" -,.,', h-'~ - 1',·"',·····' .. '.' Wi m,e 'h "t lb'",.- .---'.. an,~ faCie' has :figu:red .in 'mos'l '0£ my nightma,~es. W,hat 53',.'
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up ths t• ,aI . trade he kept only this one Jar ft)r himself' and L, d hi rvmg II-;:y' now I,re: earnen Li' ts I'" '" b :ped d-'11 __,g'., 2_::-:~ll Th ese W'·' e r-'e" m 11-!I'in'I'l~I""k ,-:!',.0'1 th'Ie:-'o ',U· ~"JI!III'I'·d·~j W·':-:O- rlid I Wl·· ....~ '-.: :_, ._:_. __ Of my' private world all that 'was '~'eirto me were' t m,y-·.· nu rse a nd my bitch of a wife'. B . t Nan' ·iIlY· .,: was her 'DU' rae too; 'I she 'Wvas nurse to b oth o-"f"'~' My··'" ~ us, but 1[~ W- -'lit.t;_, and 'I' were 'D': ot ,0"',o-II'!'y closely related were suekled tloge.tllery 'b N anny, H er motner en L,.. h th . . w:as[ to, a._ ~Dte'nts an d purposes mine too b .. ~_-. -.'. .' necause my ~.,::. ,J" .. '. . I, neve , ',," .-, 's,,',···I·a"IW~"·-":-<. paren ts but W';···'.·'·S· b eo 'ug; 'h:'t· U"P-' 'b"'Y he ···th' ,;, -:~, . - ..;····L)·)· ..,..., ,'l"·, .'," . ved ner - 010~·er, a 'ttar 'I g;rey,'.' -h . .d woman. "')- roveo ,alre~., her m uch 'as"-;l:~' s·~''h:''.e" ' had been my'. real mother, "'!I! _"'-:1' ", .... ·I~ L... UI"~_:, ,,~_,;' '.'. . ' , .. ",' . a-n:'d- ~La"t 'w."as-" ·th':- ,'" 'r·e:··g;C!I!AR' w--:'-h::-'Y-'- )- ma--,-,-,,·-::p'n--'II'e·-·,d·· ,f.l~,•. - "., ..1 ;I~I,;.d.,' U·I., :·,~t·.e·--;r~' I have beard ,se~'er,al,d.~,fFerentaoc,o,unts, ,of m~1 II' Cather' an,d, 'moth,'er. Only one of'tnc'm''li the one ', .' '. .·.,e NanDY ga~e m,e" can, 'I lDlaglne~;, b trule,•..Th' ' ,II, lSI 'what ,Nanny to'td mle~ ,~: 'M' ~ h an'.,d my unc 'IIe' wlere t-wlDS,., T-'''rh:,.,:·:Y lat_ _::'er ',', tel' rese:mbled leach o,ther exactl,y in 'igu:r,e" face and
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I g,rew up In, the :Ca,mily of 'my aunt the tail woman with the grey' hair around her temples, .:in, the same house .as the bitch, her daughter. Ever since I can remember I looked upon .. y i~;: ;,:' ,','L'< ~L.I~U ,,·-.'ve ,~,,~:_. ,0,," aunt as' a mother and 1 0- . 'd h er deeep·y. ,_,,_D"ve.d -I 1"( her sodeeply that tater-en ,I married her daughter l!.. ., L'I .k ,1_, ce m'Y tester-sister, simp 1 b yuecause sne loo',e:.'I~·'·'k her, O,r rather 'I ,I was forced to marry' her. She gave herself to me only onee. I' shall never fOnJet ,it., It happened 'by the bedside of her dead mother. '.''h L. d L ate 'at Rig: rt, 'atter everyone 1,1-[(1,:, ,gone' to b d" 1-'..fC, I got u,p in, Rty nigh,ts,hi.rt and drawers and went roo o to 1"'I1,··tO' the dead ·,··<_tl".··'.'. -'o"m~~a-''i'i'II's~'.. m to 's'ay'" goodbye her' for' the last time. Two camphor candles 'were burning at her head. A ~or,a'n had been laid, on her stomach to prevent the Devil from ent.ering' her body, 'I drew ~b,a,ckthe sheet which covered her and saw :my 'a,un,t again, with, her dignified " .' .1:J... l~, .1..1 P 1!A3S' "a"mt fa ce c.', from w~,,:1L,...·l~c·h'·,· it se emed a I tr aces gf earthly concerns had been effaced, S:h"e' wore an expression before which I involull·tarily bowed my head and at the same time I felt that d,eat-' was' a 'n,Q,rmal, natural ,tbillg,. The' corners ID,f her lips were fRed in a faintly 'ironical smile. I was about to kiss her hand and go out W' ren tUl'F,ning my he~, I sawwidta st~rt'~thatthe bit~h ~ho Is DO'W m.y wife! had come into the room .. ' "here in the ~ Pl'- resenoe of her' dead mother' she nressed herr "." L· Id C'IO'S):iI! ,Ui d kissed me' 4;'0' --"-.1," hard ago ain st me, .ll\l,e,_~ m ~ e,~I! '0. 1': SAIl' .I1q, lo,ng and passionately on the lips". I could, have: sunk into the; ground with shame hut ,-'had 'DO,t
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put out tile light and lay down to sleep oa the other ,-~~- U:J.< c'-:'-,-,~ '", 0,_. ,er ,SI'ye ofthe f"O""'O'-"-Dl' I'ra :-"'m" m e~1'S,:I"h'A' ' w:a~1tremblirlD,g el\,IJ;,~ " ,'_ like a willow-tree. Anyone migllt have thougbt sh aat een S'" 0,1. up m a, du ~ sh t' ::.-"""j"t-' -," ",ra,g:oQ. ,I~~'Chad been ungeon WI h'-';a d:I"I-;'~' I shall p'ro:ba,bl'y' DIQ't be' believed .. -an,d indeed the "bel'.-f"'"·~w· 'b en'" -1'·",S'.·" Y"',:' t,' _at sh ~ d"1'<' 'nIO' t "h-I. -. ","""', "",' 'id th- '~61 p'' ~-- 'I"R'II" II.' '<~, , to ,~·· , 'h mpiS\i once ,8 'II ,ow me to kiIS h_er O'D t~1e II'· .. The ne,X.t nigb:tabo I slept on the floor as I bad done the night before, similarly on the n,'I~'Jtzr~ot: ,t",b---'-, 'I:I,,·.:.:_ '- ~u,., I eo .,u ~' ". ntot.' wo :'r-k" ,'.'u-:-"p-" -LIa ;'0·,11 I'o·-::'W···';I~..J' -' ~.,.'. ,'Id t ' Ibl~1 , _.' t' ',..,' ",~,I~Il,,",, tod hi,. 'iI!dcourage to ,-,0 B:Dyf,',I,ng eIsec. A' d--' a considerAn so able perio d went :b"YP 'U, " :' .,.:>, -:;,h-;':I'!/f"t;:b· '1"S-11~'p",t=' en th e durin g' i'_: ·"I.;;,~ '" .', - ',,',-" '-, e , th " . ide of iLL,eroom ,~ "", -, ,,'Ii.L:!' ,flDOI,r,o'D th," other Slu:C: On. ;j..,L.,-, \ --, '. , " , , rrom'" ,-' m,y wne. 'w' ,,'h,'',;0 ,WO,D Id'l h,,- ,,','. It ,i ,-.•' 'Dr t,WD ,mO:D , t :1,~n,o" . ~',. ',', .. , " "'~' ...• ~e'I''''·. _Jev,e, .". iJil c"_>'_" '-., ,'-, " , ',' ',- th - ,- .' lor ,'.~WQ' m,ODI. ',8, ana d ,1~Dur,u,~y,s, I'isIT. - . t ,a,p"ar, £:_" '.~-:- '-".', ", ' "'" " ·th,--:-" -, ", ..J!,-"., ' _e~pl', .-,',,' t 1:Jr.iOm, h -r,_' ~-, , ,,':.'" ,t, ' , e, o·n, t- 'b'.-e·, 0',- ..'.' an,.:._ ~outld.' n,o, wor.:1." up thLe.e:ou;r~,ge ,oor •... ,d ,_.; __ -", 't"-IO':" po" 'Le·· ear n her ili~l' h .. ~he-a d-' pr;epare ell, h Vlrgtnlty token 'b ,... ,ller ·.eforeha·.::'D,__'"d',·, I tI, ~~- k'' ,'0"','_,- "w'~·'-p.·-:·-r"'hl., ".p-~:e ~hl'#:iII h-~.Q.U 'Q.I~-::i'n,:"'-"''t'l' "' __ ..J"O''-:ID,''t '0"' "._'''''' '-g~1 [C!ip~' -jd~' . the cloth with the bleod of a; .partridge or perhaps it was a doth 'she had kept from theflrs,t night of h,er b,"'- .. ualLan'tries ,in orider tOI 'make a bi'g],"""I' foal ,g,£ 'e,r' , A' , a' :-Ing: m' 'mp-_;L , t th- 't;l; Ime ev',;e""ry' ',,·<0'" ole' :was G'ID',',n····'ur,atu' I t· :':1;, ' ~e
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left. It may be that the reason she hated me \¥as that a preacher, by the process of reciting a few I"i vords in Arab ii,~over US" 'I had P' laced her undee m y" _, ,_', ,;,"-''_",::,' perhap ~,',,' she simp~ ,',: wanted__ to be 5 ',__',__ _" ,:.' Jy" ' ,J~:,' '~UI't' 'o"ri,t" . _,-' ',," ": ,,, ,,_ " he. Finally, olle night I made up my mind to share her bed by force, and I carried out :my " "'1'',', ,re80,I'v-,e. A',".' .:&.:- . ,", a, tU;IS.--)- e ,- h.. ','. gOCI-, eut JO_. ?,It'lv b _." and ,~_l~ter -'" ,- "'. Ic_C .,,',t, ," - rt "'f~' n lie, d~ • :I:eft. me and the. only satis,fa,cli,D,n I had was that I was able to ,c'url up ana sleep the r,est of' the night in her bed, which: was impregnated with the , a- d f nes b,O,'fil! Tbe D,DI'Iy d 'W3,flDth ane the edour ,0', h "'" __ ,~ ,'-, '~- ed ,-,,-,,--:-,,->,:(t -'1-""·"ft was rna ,~' cb' d .c,· trme-, I enJoy,e:' peaeenn1'1-- ~ :eer ".".,' tha "t nltg_,t" cA £: hI d"·~! After tho at sr .e S" opt ill al~I_lrl.ereht tl room fl' , me, [rom 'W,h~n I' came back to, the house after' dark she - ~· ~:'lll be - ,,' '-,.. -" ... L".·:" .. -'-1' a"t·· ;JljIO'.... W'OD, ld-•. ·~·Stl11.~·e out•.'0'_r,- .raWler, I' "'~o\Wu,,o···.·.,!I:"!",....... -ow ~·I I -- -, d :,·1... whethes <she had returnedd h ·1"IODl,e' 0[' Dot aD,,', I did not r~~:F\~ to 'k;O--,bW since solitude and death were w '~.-,-'"y": destin 'y"~" I" d·,,:'~p'ir'eld':' at ,all costs to establish m""' . ~...... ~. .""" ~ 'c.,....,~, ~. - .. " '- .. ' ... . ...---'\1,1 contact wi.th her Iovers-e-this is another thi~g , ill dl-b.'1,- "h'" ," - ",'" tba't, w,t'·'1-1- sec:m, Inc,r,el~J·',e~an" d" gO'D.I:· t OIU_t'L" e'very-' ~ - , W,_Q I_ hl,~ ""'d- " Li····d· ,ca,ugJI",le" llan,CYI' 'P"UI"'t· ,tI:-~ I _~" .lY ,ODe. ~ 'h' I',_ea,f [Ia), .~i.'I;L,..'t=' ·h·-::-·r.> ~ , ·' :L __ ' :' ',if" ,~I,U,ml~.la.lQD --' nlr""'d·~--:_ 1-[' "',... ·er ~l*'r:'lj'k-'"W,I:UJ ev:ery- Bort' 'D~ "h' ,- - -: ...• '1 ,t~'", ,n ' up aa aequaiutancewith them ..I toadied ~othem, ,~ ,~ I'll. h'" th·, '. u.rged them to VISlt my Wlie" even b '~f(}U!g;t '..•em ,t~ thf; :h,loas'e. ,A'ad 'what peolple' .sh;,e' cbose! A, tripe-pedlar', an interpreter of the Law, a , d 'h .', d ,c;ookeld·'Jlle,B.t, ¥e,uJor, t,-·,e ,pO I'll! il'uperllntenp:_.en"J t ,a Ice: , ~. . ,'C!'~'a",Iv m>···Vfl'cl,,~t'~i ._ ~obilololp-~her-----t -lb·--:-ei.r' nlam,cs ,anti • iiJlll., ,d: 1" .. ,_,~ll -,, ii, 11:' V'"·:'a·<'n' ""u,to n,B'D,e of the'm 'was fit to 'be any'",:,:,c!!!!! tlilit-~'le's~-: :iAd'l ··b' thing better than a~i9t~n t .to_the m~ who. ,seils bOUed .sheep's. heads. And sbe ptefermi _aJ1of _ uld- 'b~I·' ,j' them 'to llle. 'N,o' QID,e W'O''_ ·~_,:'e!,Je'v:e me I:f"'" ,I wer'e 6 .
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of 'love', '(ondness' and such-like theological terms: I have no, taslte for literary ,k",~lla,esh.·,I'felt as though both of us ..ad pulsating in our loins a ' kind f ..[-"aboD ,or ,aore·ole like .ose W-··' ·h·-: one • lIU.u(. 0:' ra di' ic:J.._lt d' '''. ::"I.:.-.",_ aIOll;JJ; d·· ...:L.·~ .:·.eai: '.·101. ·th·l_·· P:rO~PI,'.ets epic te'd":·h.. · .. I·., ~~:. tile " Ie . -.. '. h" ,'-and tha'_ my sicldy, ~ aureole was seeking ·th ,_11 • ben. ~aD ,sitnving WI'!.: ..~ _~ 'Its might towards it, d I.. u
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When my conditiOD improved I made up my mi.CI to '·0 ,awa'y~"- ' D'-' so·m~' ; .. - ewhe 'r"e,"where peo ple D -.... to .I!rn ._.", .. , wou Id•.. never' fiD' i',~1 Dle ,ag·alD like a·· d·1o·-rr' Wl:ul ,. ' . :d -:--:'.~t:.. 'o~ ~bstemper who knows tIlat ,he is going to die or '-'1 _.'. ;,L' .. iiI... . tb: ''.Ie:, 'b' -.'lfUB ·th· ,a,t hi'_:1t:d"':e _- II£mse !yes WI!i,e':n th.'e: tIme ~ a:C . .- '"~,-jJJ~ - .. ',. ... to die has come., Early,'" lODe :moming' ~" I' rose" dressed, took, a oouple dcales that were' lying on 'the tOP·I~'.i ;shelf' ,aad,·,,- witholu,'t _ attr'act'iD-"g:~ a~'.D~:v,nln;··p",~ _ .- ,.- _... _"", . ~_ _ .. -_', "_ I ~w .. lac attention,.. 81edf~oRl, the: hO·li'IS··:C:"·,· W""~I"Q 'run':"n":'l~'n': g"~" away &om. my own mjselY~ I walked aimlessly aIoag the streets, I wandered without set purpose .amoBI the ra,blb)~:meD las thl'" hurri,ed-- 'by"- a'o '.. .-II -, .. :" . ,,'_.
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f~" d hei races In pursuit 0 r., express .OR IQI' gre·e).,"on tneir c.' '.'E:." d money aD d, seix.u,a_I satlSltacb,OD. Ihd n,o need to . 'J~a,··;. '.1""'.'-'" " -:" - /_'~' ,.£1" iple ··,. .·r:' see the :'" SIDce ,a.ny one 0_ th em. was a samoie 4,· : rem .......... ":--'.-'~..... ,.. ;':, , a' - - ._~~,~, l, 0,t, ' _,,':,". ~~:VI , ",. . ,j,:: tb 1 ~...• E-:- ch and- ~ ery"-.•..• 0-'n e": of -, th.•rn consist ,~,tIl only of a mouth and a wad of guts hanging from th h '1-' .' r,j, I" (t;, tne wne e termmatmg :1!Jl a. set 0<" ge'nlta~s.. I felt that I. "It&,Q suddenly become ligb,ter' and more.... a,aclli'l~······..,' "y l·~,t(J',mruscles were IJ·, nI '."·~ti·'lto··-;. 'I".";,~'L, M ... a " -i:l~Jl., ,CU"I c .~ 'D": l·n·lg-~ ·.','1)",' .. _" , ~.' -" C!'" ~ ,.:. IUP'P, ,L·'eb·"', 'l'r:'1 men '1 "."''1:1I' 1 ,...' a ""',0""'·',-1:-·,.'" eness and ~pee,_",wmcn unn .IL. ... .. CDL~_d,''.' ana '.'.' eed -:not have im.a.gi,ned, to be possible. I. felt that .1: had .~ - ..~ c.. - ','" .' '1 th let: ers f'~' .. escape d:l trem a '1.~I-cJJ~ ~ ."te ~. or existence an d' th - " nat this was 'my na tura I mode of movement, In m,y~ , ", . ·I-·d,--Ih" ., .. ' ···d..".h'·(. I' had 11' ,··:-'·····d·~.t:rth·-·,-'. UIUF_Jell C ,,''I, ~.. oo.~, w~ eneve.r .. ->a '. s]'1Ilppe·~ UI,l.· e "1...",. rden ". b~'-ll -,-,- - '*'b!ii!'l-~"I h d '}'''' d~ 1.,II~~e o C' troub I.e an·"d responsibnrty, .. ;,a,,' 'wa_.e._ 1-liI'k'l thi 1;5". th d .... 'L ) d' h· h Th sun was, a~rea~:,:yellg'~" m tne S'k ana ;ule· ne .')Y heat was intense, I foY.nd myself walking along ied WI.·I .. .... .I-,grey .,.,ou,ses 0f' hoi '.. ,des srt eu streets ,lIne,.· wit h as 'h ... ,ese.r -:-.J t·· ets go'l bes'-"':;1 ,.,'" risms '.' con e s P ~" S'tpa'ID"1"e-"geom ietrical sha pes-e'_____r." -with low, dark windows, One felt. that these
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t·-· t"h-" . hi", -':<-~. never o·>;·'-e···· 'd"..~~.,·,a.1.",e·ouses were . p:,ne d th u.nt~nan't,e,__ tle.'mpo,ta'ry' s·tructures ,an,i~.~~.'at, o , n dh ~ l'vlng cr~'at~:re cou,'l-d'l ev'erave luwel"~111 th t I!:~,_em. 1-·' .IT,he 's'un, lik.e a gnlden kni{e" was, ,steadily pa:ring a.wa.y the ed.,ge gf the sh'ade besid·e the' . ThuC streets· were e,Dclosed- b .: -, ··,l·,·,:····,~ .·~.,etweeftold" ;:-;.' walls.. .' :-'h' ;jj t' _. .'. h' .' .' . -.. - .... .-. .-.d' WL~,I,~cw(as,.I, W'··:,·IS. E--' - .. '.'ew - aJ'I'll ""veryw,ib~-er'e., wler£- pke;a'ce ,aD". ~ll-I''''.... ". th: ~. 'b' .. ~ - .. StIt,., De,ss;, as, 1:" .Joag·Ih-' ,al tb eJLe'me·BU; were: ,01'C'}rJD:g' .. . ')1 ··.-,~~,e d'l '·1 • ~ !'y t.h e' ,sa,cr1e,;"" I,a'w O;I'eaJm, an.I~_ s,i,cnc,e Imposeu b- :1~Je d r- I L aZlng h'eatlt .-t ,Slee:me; d' as'._:.i~loug,.])- m~st£ir'y' was '. th IJ .., '., everywhere and my lungs haml)' dared to inhale 'h' a··' 1'1'" "-·e.··1 '.' .Iii". , ,,' ',:
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the gate of the city. The sun, sucking with a thousand mouths, was drawing the sweat of my body 'The desert plants looked und er he b" - ~." P"FPa··t-: J blazing sun, like so' many patches of turmeric. IT"'h' !,e sun was Jj'ilik a r. ._ Iike reveres h'l~-,eye, I t panre d us 'b '. ~ays £!.' h depths . aurmng trom the d hs of t sk,y O'V,fJ'rthe the .'J . ,Silent.; ,-"r-:. I Iifeless Iandscape, The ground ' and the plants gave 6ft" a peculiar smell which brought e hildho d N' 'J , k certain moments o1:m'Y C~_l~._I··_·~.O<.~":~lot omry b aCI:_ did it ,e,!,oke actions and words from that period WillY life, but for a moment I felt as though that time had returned and these things had happened only .the day before I. experien ced kind o'-""f~' ,-.1~, . """,. .. agreeable giddiness, It seemed to me that I had b oII@ifi an ~een b orn again .1B, l':I'- 1J1c__,81,'tC,---Y remote wor d. .,-: sat ,., ~. ad ,'. int -,.,.. ,.' i ..-,.' l,·'t·, ~-d Th..···- ,ale" n·r··.,al:.lon 'h'-\~\a,·.· n--. In.'·DXlca t'ID"g qu.a~.IIy ,S,D._,:, _ S' a ..k an Id ' "'.a: I'IL:~e 0'1··.· sweet wine, affectecd every Vein and hh b res, nerve In. m,y b··,.O:c__;y~ I recognisedd the tl'i '01n-'·.:81h .. d _ ~ ·the stones, the tree stumps and the low shrubs of wild thyme. I recognised the familiar smell of the grass. Long past days of my life came back to IDe, but ,8", u iese memories, .10 some strange 'la~)IOin" "!Ii £!' ,n,!. ._ :IU'~ II these \Vere curiously remote from me and led an independent .life of their own, in such, a way that .1 ~ .... L·!Ii nd d-hstant witness and .., d 'was no merethan a paSSl.ve' ar .~:.'. 'felt that my heart ~ W-'- as e"m-'p. ·Y·····' n' W~'.... ~a~' '. tha t th e" D"I,d· -' perfume of the plants bad lost the magic which it had bad in these days, The lcypress trees were d ... .1,:8 .~Ia,~" L more 'th-.. I Y spaced, 'Yl e h '.11-1 hi d ,gr:O'Wll more . ID -T' -'··d .:een ·······I "_"'·,I·t.-' .-:__. a-n·I-~d·· '-'he'-'" pe"r's~' :'n' th-::···._,8;-,t I' h-'· a: b--," ; ...--; ..th'-,len exJS ···d·· no ,~~o.':: . lo:ng'er,.. Inf"1' had be,e'D a ble, to cO,'_j"ure, hi.m u,P and.
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'I~' <a": D'e-''.!a'~'Iy~--' rea ·.. c..hed the river Saran -w.be-.· I. ;"r'- ," &1 .. .____:_,h ... I,._. .:___/ d .' ." bhi1:'1 ·' round myself . at the root Qf' a·arren,stony IIJ~. Its le-"an "ha' [r,d contours 'p-'utme in 'mind, of'm'Y '1.";' nurse; there was an Indefinable resemblance between them. I skirted the .' i 1 and tame upon a ~~a1I, green enclosure s\UTOunded on ,every side by hills. The level ground wascwered with vines nd .-.- one t)_~- '\ 'II:, . --- . of mOfDlft,g gIO'ry" ano on ,.-. '-'" f' .' th ,e hl:···'l"s< stoo d a',' .. lofty cast I'e 00-·1 0··" massive bri ·kl. ...-.]_t f' .~Inc~.. ~s·., .' ._ ' . I suddenly realised that I was ired. w:a1ke~ up to the Suran and sat d()WD on ..the fine sand . • - ",an. __ -. ,•:.L " ··h''d-"··r·' n tree on Its, 'b 'k ID,u'fe' S,!, ,a,· Ie 01, ~". old cy·p· r-·s·'·s-'·· >~ It was a peaceful, lonely spot. I felt that no one e: until then h d ev'er set, '100; '.' th...... .A" 1 a' t O-'j'n1C-'C'" _,a·-, ,ere., ,'."_"" I saw a little girl appear from behind the cyp~s trees and set off in the direction of the castle. She a r-~l·n,a' a" b '1-ack dress IR,£' very 'fine, lia::ht W·' '5" w" ea" 'silk. She biting :ail
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'heir clothes. I, fo.llo'w,cd them, They hung up' a woml&n,'s, 'veil as a, screen ;tn front ,olf her 'but I furtiv:el'y peeped frolM behind I, tree and saw her' C'!:'-' "'1':,d"biti ~'II who,Ie JJOa.Jy'~; ~h:e was, smlllll,g an ... ilbRg th e naa · o',f'th,e in.,d,e,¥,-Bn:ger' of her left hand, Then they wra,pped her UPI in a \IV'hite tIna» and. spread But 1'D, I_~_, I " UI~ h'·,-.-fin te xt'!'IP'l'~e--c:'d-- ~J"I,g-'r:k' ~1~'I:kl d ress dr if .I'!O-; ~1r.~~I'U~RI . .1 s,t~e'rehed .m'yself out at full length D!D 'the 'fiDe sand at the foot Df the old C''Ypll(,eSS, tree'. The -,I':hl~'~ ' 'like 't'1L• ~,.~lJ.J!, .... 'aUJ <"'-.b_ --.-'':_ --Ie"" b'abblin C of the water-.'rea_,~,-~U m'Y~'~ staccato, "uniifttelllg,ib:le syllables, murmured 'b,y a, man who is, dlre'ami:ng~., ,I a'utoInB,tically', 'thr08t JIl'Y hands into the warm:" moist sand, I squeezed the warm, moist sand in m,y~ fists, It fe'lt like, the firm .. 1t'Sh of a girl whf) has fallen into the water and who has, changed her clothes. ,I'do ~D:Q'tknow how long I spent thus. Wh~n, ,I - .. , ·..JI11' :S,,,,QOlil H,P ;.I, h--···· --;-.,",-.. alii it'--""-::-"'-'a-'-"- I -"';'I'lly" +:n '-w--·'·\a-,·)lIk T--~'fhg] Ie,,' ,g, :QDl· whole CQUD.tEysid,e '","as silent a,ud peaceful, ,I 'walked Oft'I' completely unaware of' 'm,y surroundings, Some force beYOnd myconttol c<)mpelled me to keep mmr.ing. All of my attention was ..J' s: all 11... concentrated on my-teet, - ,I~' dl·'~Dot~ W'~,.;&m th' "e _,<~Ilw. _ ';' normal ruhicon,. but g:lid!ed, ~alon,gas the girl in black had.. '0';'0-'·'1.\"" When I: carne "to myself I' feund ,tha,t, I' was, back in the ,city and stalldiug before my fatherin~law'Js,house .. I do not. kn,ow whry 'i'he route I had ~oI1111,ftw"-' I" .:~'~1;' .)[,' _"'e- -d- h 'a- d Ic'-,·'b,'a: .need J~n lea :£3 ml "~' U ' ,~~ to tRY,'" .,_ '.... :fa,th,er~iDlaw',s: house. His little SUD, llD'y brother.. in-law, was sitting;, ,O',ft, the stone bench ootsi,d<e. He and, his sister w'e~e'like two halves Qf'the ene 7'7
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on , the wall in th ct. m ...,~·n, '_', b 'to ,1 __had no .Il:ea·.. noonlight it" ,:,a ~ ,'... ~. .d .. ' .~. ,:' ,_I. : 1';\ I had heard people say that it anyone cast a headless shadow on a wall 'that person would die before the' Ylea,t W3$ out. Overcome with fear', I 'went into my house and shut myself up In my room. At the same mo'm"e:nt I began tO bleed, from the nose, After losing a great quantity of blood I collapsed upon my' bed. My nurse carne in to see to me, ,Be:o_orel went to sleep I looked at my,self in the mirror. My face was ravaged, lifeless and indistinct, ';9],0 indistinct that I did not recognise myself. I got into bed, pulled the quilt over my h ead -. .-ud d ed--; -i'- yse If u 'P"I an d w ith- eye S> clo Is·ed M .. 'pu~slu,ed tb,e CDu~rse olr'my th,oUg'h,tB'I' I~ w'as CO'D,.1,-, ..

could have sunk into, the ground with. shame .. It , was shortly before sunset, I stood U·.P"i 'wishing' that I could somehow escape from myself Mechanically, I 'tlooLk the: direction that led t,OI m'y 'awn house, I, sa,w'n:,o,th,ing'and nobody' in the: street, It seemed tOI me that :I was walking through a str ang,e' unknown city. Around- -: w~~,eil'd houses of g'eomet.,ical. shapes, with forlorn blac:k, windows, One felt 'that. DO creature with the breath ife:.in j,t could ever have dwelt in, them, Their white walls gave off a, sickly radiance, A strange, an unbelievable thing was this: whenever :1 stopped, my shadow fell, long and black

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'·' d ·aDIC1CIl!·. '-",. t~·.·,t d-'t·, ..... b__ ~.. eIDg aD::, " ,'.,:Ii ... ·t-' eX:1DCI.. "-~_eslr;es\"va,gue~ s..rang,~ .... d~ ,- - . -,. ....I ~ ,eu .d-'I"e---. • _. '. - , againcome t· - ure anc cry- ,8,IIOUU, .10" __srres, ,.' - '. .co, I vengeance. For that space of' time ~I'was severed from nature and If he phenomenal world and was 'p-~..repared to accept effacement and dlssolution . in ,y'", the cverlastingftux. I murmured again and again, "Death d athr , • • WI" c.,e are you.'~\' ~Th"-' ,;i:,'L uzht '·,·-h",·_-··· ---. - .. _~:.ea_' ".:e,aJ, ,.~, J . __ u,J.ou.g~,~,t, Ie de ":. ···--<--,th;,· d~ ~ s: ']1 " .. ' ., of:- ': atb..-· ISIOO. - -,-ed_, me ,aD·· I' lie_., , ,as }.c'eep~ -.; ...-.,.-.,' -"1 ; -.' ,',-' ~ .-''·d··· was -, LJlI'1e ', .. - 'h l.aUlI.·.0,0 my s ;e.ep"_, d. ·,rcaJDc... I' -', \. -_.In -,";11\...,- Jv~O'L-.' ntadiyye· square, A tall gallows tree had been, erected there ,an~d,he bod.y of the old odds-andt ends man whom, lased, to see CfQ'm, m'y win'dow was hanging from its arm, At ibs foot were 11... .' M- Iy severai 11 d trunzen pO I" __ .lcem.en d · lliiiP.: .. ·.;lriRJ4Dg ·Wln,e:,. ,< •... Ih",. '. f·'. .. mother-m- 1- aw, In a state 0:- gneat Clci:t1ement,~ ith .. il'e·expresaon W>I',(-C"I I S-:"~12I .' hi - -, Wl.;·,.·1 tit ml.y:..-' 'WI'-:-'-ii'···:_.'u " ,- , race when.. INI. ;:'1: badly ·uc-rp···s'··e<··,~,t~'~I·oo::·--~·-d'lI:ps.,~s'~rUd" she iii.n. '. .'. --'.,.. ·11-: staring::' , wi d le'ves~was d'r,a~ng:" me b'Y~~' - arm., the -1'__ -- .. '-' '-O'OI~ . '-, ._,_.'. .£.'L h th c d _gesn\cu. -I'- -. 'till' the red,-clad. -,LI'lfOUg',· I~_'~le 'row' 'a.tIDg' hangman_ andsouting, 'String ,this one up too!' .... ". :e·rror.." was g I·· ..."'. ' Ii-"'I..,'" a l;urnacc, .. ,·.1.... ... e.. ... -..... I, ~' .,.....lp. t··,···.... ·- I" ,. ,aWOILC OWID,g'luli,e .'-.,"" , •.i·Y tr--·-·········, .•,., --:"·th~· .-.' -: .. 'd[ .' .. b .my b·od·, w,as· 5,_.1 ea,mlng WI'= awe'.at. an::. :m'Y' Cnee.'k,'S I. der wlere b ur.nlng.~ ]~~n o,r,'~ to Iget· th.@' DI,g: -,-tm,are o'ut :: ·h· ,.d·,· .~ . ".'. t-~-~ ,an'J ·a,.·I,. -·dof'~: JllI.l1J-." rose,.ranA.. , 1 ...SOlnte waer .'-'.--:-----:'d::·d· 'b' ··b·-.e.~_ .,y 'my. he'ad ,and fac,e ',w- <'e,··/,nf b' a-c··k·:' ·'0" b'~ e-d-· b;u' t· c-:A1t'l'd'n:ot 'fall ,asl1eep. Lyingtbere in the transparent darkness I ga'Zed steadily at the: water-jllg -that stood -on the top~ h jlf.- ,... d'1' must - S_.'_jei~·,. h-,a.\ an irra·tJonal 'fear -that: It was iii l'! "1"1 d-,.J' ,gOlO;g to, la·. an -',aec.l,ded. '.-'.at so .8'Rg as 'It s,tood. Ith· I' sh·QU, Id' b-' e una bl to flatl asl!eep,. ]'.-.got U.pl, - ·ere ,. .'.. :;._, ...e .. intending to put the ·ug in a safe place, but by ', .':,0 8
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In a state of semi-censciousness I reard the street door onen ' a'~Ddrecosnised..... the sound ofrnv' .'.:___: " .~-. ". ',r --: .-' -'.:', I,~ '_"aIA~' ... -_ ...::_."." --.'_',I nurse's -'" h m'--:--iII h suppers alon,g th gtoulll_:-" 11 d .steps as" S-. u,j~'~ln"g' her I'·' tne fshe, went :t,o buv breadd aft d cheese tor breakkfast, uy l '; ch '.' ' " ---- ,-. -.,' Th-··,'carne t,·~ rar-on cry 0'f- a street venc id or, . -.Oen. ,-- he £-, -£I:' - -,- . ,.c"M-: .-, ,(-b.-,'~,. 1:':."'. :your L::.:~'I. " N"-'O"llle, C. ". - 1·' r~··- .-,- .' '.'~I~U I~;.e,r,n·e,s ,or ... , ,Ie we,arlsome "', db ." as, ever, h ac .negun aga :0,. ITh-ne 'I'~h·- was .grow.l·ng' ,J. ~ -'g -t brig hter, When I IOIP:' ened ·my·····eyes it r'-_'. ,gf' natch ." . ,_':'__. sunlight f'eftectet1 from the surface of the: tank. outside m:y' wi,o'do'w was Hic.k.e;ri.ng en the ceiling .. of'the ·-·'·,-··h-l't'·, ad reced _ - I.e ~ that the ,', ~e,am,,0 .', e Dig, '.'. h la,· rece.-e "d'i 1 .r.'). "a_ ':.,.e dre aOld fllded like' 'Boe s·ee:D v,e'a~s befo;re' during-.~ m'y'--' I' ,,__:'.. · )' .. jh'l ·-···-:-·-·d"·- . ···-.---"' · ,-... ~.... __-~- 'i'hi-;-t bl""-;, "., ---:-'" .:..;~eJa.Cbl~~II'd1. ~OO,~".·M'.,y -Durse --., 'b,,lrIQ,u.g.. .:-~,~,e.ID 'my b-"-' ·k·-'fast· H~~-··r'face was like' a reflection in:'1 a dis·tohrt.~'ing'--· c·' '.- . oj:, " .'. --: ·~t·-· ~"O' .,e,an .<.~ ,d'.:.:·d;·--·--'···-'··-···~·· j·-,d-~· .'.-.)-.: '.-.',.-,' '·d), .~O a' mIrror, I : was 'S"'" 1 an.. __a\wn '..n. ,s,eeDle,·~. ,.' r "d~' ""' ·-t- -" ~~ 1 ...::-": ~: ..., <1~apc,. - ... av,e acq.Ulre,. ISueh~" an un.n.a,_:.ural~" (}O',~lca-~. s"L,·· , h-IOn're' m~ght, have tholugbt-thatith,ad bee'D,strete,~'ed -' " . b··,-_' ,- ..-."-,,', -·h £:..' ·,:t·· d' ;··rt -h-: olut.y ---:'-.:,so~me h-'IC'AVY wel,g'",J' 13Sdl:I'J,e\..c ·t,0 ,-t'_' "... , c-?'h~,~, , . e. ' .:I.n,. ,Alth.,o'ugh N'.ann·y knew that. :n,argile'h ,smoke ..~." ~.aa .. t. ' m - n.oneILJJ!e_,ess s 'h,.IJ.e,US.eu ._Ofb-' nDg .. _ a" ..:L, -' ...' -, ·,.;::..I·t was b-'- e..l~ I"ro~r,-e., ,- -:-.. ·I '_,. !.!; -,-. nargileh, ·w:i.th he:r w'heo. sh~e c.a·m,e in.to m,y roo'm,. The .fa~et is ·tb,at :she O'eve:f' felt. q'ui,te' .hef:SLelf 'until -·h-·· 1.... ··d·· d· .. .. :"., k· 1'1 .. ,er c, ·~;t-'--chl·----:'a'..-:· -"·h' 1 '.' ···:'t 81. ,e lJa _ h a... a. sm()· e..'" W···-:···,·:)'!·t· h· .a, hi (,-,-., , J~-, -:-L,_-,- t h'-" ' 1:-.- .."'1, :'. ,~_,_,'~ .. .'. '.-,' I-ti ,•. "0' '0'-' auu,u,_~eF ][,a,ntl.!Y_-' ,aJlalrs" a,'b'·-,g'UI, 'b···· ~J:r ~ ,. 'a-"n" ·d~·· h~i'e"~r -- h .' I . . b'd. Id,au,lgl.•lt,e,r'''''ln,~I'aw·, JS<.~e dl ma,I. ..:e.me a, partlcl'pI3'nt
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Nanny treated me like a child, She tried to pry ito every cranny of my mind. I wall still sby olf tn:y' wife. Wh'e'nev'er' she' came in·to, the room I would cover up the phlegm which I had spat into the basin; I would comb my hair and beard and set my nightcap, ~traight 'on my: head. But I ..had notraee of shyness with nurse, How had that woman, who was so utterly different from me,. managed t:o occupy so large a zone of my life? ,I remember how in the winter ti.~:e' th~ used to set up a /com· in tbis same room above, the cistern. My nurse and I and the bitch would gOI to sleep, around the k(Jrsi~ When 1 -~. ~ .. h o:~ne d my eyes In tne 'transparent darkness the design 0'0 the embroidered curtain that hung, i.n
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the doorway opposite me would come 'to, life, 'Wh,a,t a strange, disquieting curtain it wasl O'n d '''. d Id ""k It was depicted a b bent O,_,I~~. man :]111;.-(: an I di Indian fa- • wrtr - t -b a :, it.. lal ra k-I'~r-' ith it turpan on hi h--- d 'H;_' was Sl~.'itln~· ·,1.1S_I_,e":~~:,,~, e under a cypress tree, holding a musical instrument that resembled a se.taIT'. Before him .stood a, b,eautiful ... ~ung g·rl,.,such a girl ... I imagined y as Bugam Dasi, the Indian temple-dancer t,o have been, Her' hands were bound and it seemed that she was obliged 'to' dance before the old man, :1 used, t~otbink to ~myselfthat perhaps this old, man had 'been shuc up in a, dungeon with. a cobra d ,BD!.. th at rt W,a!:S tlJlS experience th at h d b ~ _,8_ bent t him double and turned his, hair and beard white, It was a gold~embroidered Indian curtain such as m,y father' (or my uncle) might have sent from abroad. ·\¥hcDi,eV'CF. I happened to' Iga~e'far a long time at:-be design upon it 1 would 'become' 'ft~!oLct"e'~'n'l~d-~ a:::-I'od b::' a··I'-I,c~~"Dl, -. eep 'S·'·I was 'W"ou '1Id-' ·w·~·a ke ,-' r _,,_<t~""J,i'_. lip my nurse, She, with her bad breath and her' coarse black hair- a,gainst my face, would hold
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'1 oCteD used 'to' recall the days ,of'm'y' childhood '1'·'0- order to forg et the present in order to escape from.. mvself '1-'t~.' - :_';::,' to I~·-· ·· 3":., I_ d "1d -. in .•...,. davs iel 'S,'- ._ i ' 'U,Il.~ :'-" ,.I,!!iiI!" 1 ..... ; " '''-. ":\/' ,-'-:'." '-- ried .,:- fe .. ..... before I fell ill. Then I would have the ,sensa'ti.o·o,
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who was a'bo~utto die. In :my moments of crisis Que ,gli:mp,se of my' nurse's calm, pallid :ra~e with "its deepset, dim,unmovio'g' c'y,es, thin nostrils and broad, bonyforehead, w,a$ enough to .revive in me the sensations of __ , 'u.t:,. ._'L lL..Iu,-_:: ,:c': __ m""'Y---' 1[1I]-d·h'o'-"o-·..J J?:,~Jl, ,: A,,' ._ g,., 'DAlPb-I'"g"P-'s-1 she emitted some mysterious radiation which created this peae "e'" f min d in m ie,'o On forehead there was a fleshy birthmark ~\;&l·;th:-'· hairs sprouting 1~. r."O·I·'~ it I' d-:''" not r emember having noticed it. before today, PreviousI'y when looked .t her face I '.' ~:', :'I·L-,·'t ,s,ern .I·n,s~ " I .,'_~,u a:', IJ.. ~ 1,4'",...,~ ~ did no,_- ,-.'--',''-.-I' tinise it
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shriiek at '4l.L~ ton-t"""1 of my voice E:-'v,'·:e··'FVO-:ID",e '1[-:0'" the .-~-'- ' . .'~__; - u,~." . I. ~'.I' house came running my room abd gathe~d at th e" 'U'U' .. . 'he bit ,C" ,:,c'am' .,/'.:1 alo ,-" W!iJj'-.th there,"itdoor 11. zh .." ~" e'" . ,long _, · but she soon went ,aw,ay again, I had a look at her belly, It 'was, biig and swollen, No, she had net had the baby 'yet. SORlICoD:e' went to' fetch the doctor. I was delighted at the thoght that a:t ,any rate I had given the fo.olstr'oubl.e'.'The doctor came, with his beard. three handsbreadths lO;DJg, ,and prescribed 'opium {o,r IDe. \Vha:t a marvellous remedy for the pains o£ my kd existeneet'11 W' 'h- iencver ,,- smO'le~l opium ,my ideas ", acquired ,gr,aq,de'ur, s'u,btlety'" 'magic and sUD., limity and I moved in mother sphere beyond the boundaries of the ordinary world. My ,thou;gh,ts 'were fr'elcd' 'fr;o:m the 'wleighrt lof' material li d d fea-':~ty ane soared towards an empyrean of tranquillity and, sileace; I felt as tho/ugb .1 was borne on the wings of a golden bat and ranged th:rou_g~h a, radiant, empty world with DO'· obstacle to block my progress. SO profound and delicious was, the sensation I experienced that the deligh:t, it gave me was stronger than death itself . When I stood up from beside my brazier I went over to the: window fa,cinig onto thecourtvard ','" D~'cUI;'f' ho;Iu~~cs:e'" M'··· n rse vas S<I-;ttl!oc':"g'C:-- in ~'Le~' ·f' '_ '_'___:.I~' ... :_:'. .. _ ,'.. HI,. sun cleaning some vegetaBles. I heard her say to her daughter-in-law, ,e'We' all feel very sorry for' him. '1 oBly' wish ,God wa;uld p nhim. ont of his mi·sery'.,:11 S'D the doctor, apparently, bald told them I was not ,going to get. 'better'.
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did ::not surprise roe' at au, W'.'_:at ',00 Is a '1,,'_ not ]'1' ""'h r: -1 ,,~-:.'.-: . _, 1 these people were ,I W"'h sII b "en ae breught me my 'medicine an hour Jater her eyes 'were red and ... '. '., ith wee p' I,ID;'" ,..' - lb~ ..... ,: ~ d'i -. '.'],. n.··., , . swo ·11·"e-n' W'·"·:I·"· "-'."-.'"-." S··h-i"e ,6'i·Q·',--P:P.Je"· a smI e ,,',',".e".,., she. saw. me-1'" T--;-h···AY·'<" used '.,'" play-ac..·t In...fro.. t of ·.. -r[ n .II lb····:'· .. - :1' -'. d""'" '""')'" . ,[. '-.e me, .. ley au usee to p[ ay-aet ID Iront 0;, me, anc _ .. ums '.. thev .. it I. ' .~' -- / -'.\'.,,'".'.:.."... I [ ..,'~ ', 00-·w- ~:). ,...,'-"·'--Y'" ey did'.' 1.., '~d""th ,ley ,Bup',pose....'. did " net know, Dl,y:self?' But w:hy was this woman of "1 Wh"II'Y did a II "peopLe so .£1'.' d 'OiC' mer ~ ..; ,-::.: >~1:'~-c S.:h e ~ I th tond ,I.ee -:!81't she bad a share in, mv sU'fFeriDr£rl? Ali, that had, I,." I happened was that someone had come to her 'OIDe da,y and, given her money, and she had thrust her .'- - ~"' ':~: :._ 1',c_8C, "', " Llp,p,_,e,,:, like I!t'tl--: b ekets " 'b~' ,W":nn' 1,·1i' IIAd'- ·b- k n:·., ...: 1,_" I,·. _ie ,:~.U; 1.._~e:UI' ' twee "01 ~Y' '}.l·pl·s.···-a·"·n- :;-ld;-i wish atr' th canker .had ',,:.' I ne :_N.~·· enever '1-:--' saw'.: ....iem 'D"'O' 'I' u' .-b-· ea' te'n-'-them a'·'w- '-:a'y'l ~'-: Ilt'-1 )·1. vommngto '.h '.. "k th -.t,a ·t ... ..-,. :L., teu nse .., _ ti - - tc .' nn 1<, ' ..ina , taat ume 'I h .d " ~~a-, greedlly sucked out th1eir l'ife-mving".':~. ;- .._.. 'while juice'_. - '- - " e·'···· the w'·:a·-··-rm-;th'-<·:-: O-'-"U'I'l' two bodies blen de ··d·- togethe "r; o·-f····· '·'1 ",,-:- ,~l·,'> ... ,Ie, aana ,',:,~.,<. ~~ over wh ".',,' S':"h[-h·ad h..andled,Ie, me a"111 [over' w.' ,en_J,I' was-; little ,e and ,it was :£or this reason that she, still treated me d With tha ,t: " peculiar boldness tlrat 'y~ou 'fin' oDly:·:~in wid O-:-··'W·'. s J-'05- t beea: 'U" se a t·-- ome tim e she use d to ye.:' .... UI_~. hold me over the latrine she still looked OlD me B.$ a, child, Wh,o kn.ows,? Perhaps she 'had used :,. me. as wo'm[cil use th ·r"' ... a,..'op.,t-,·,-:-,· stSr ,t.en,. .' '. • .-,elf ad .... Ive .-~"" .., .... Eve'D P,OIW she missed nothi.ng whenever she ."".. d· i:DC. ~;llngs w_~I,.~ ,COU"I,_ 00,.·· '.Id·:-:'. ··t·· hi~l"-" d me·tOn co , th.. thin rs whieh _' 1eipe .. -.. . _-, .. , ~..'~r-.. "a, .. h ::.Ie ,_:rJ.C··· , _' d 0 0[11 m,y own." I'·r-'th bit 'h-' m,y WIle: h .d _.:S_O'WD any interest in me I should never have let Nanny h it··· _at c!o'me n,ea,r me 10, .. ler P.o rese,n,ce" b e,ca,use I fe.~.-th .. -h id d 'm'y'''' 'wittel"la:d a'~' '1·'1" -r 'r"a:: C':D'" o· I, [eas~", an',':-, . [.... a k'·-'n'- e--· D':·"e··· ··.. f,I'd .' a-·es-th··· .. ··f!-'t:'c· s~',e··-·;ns-·le· t: h:;""B' ." n---:- m-:'. 'y.;.. n"'u- :-:'nl .,le· h'~"a~'d': 0': '. "r-'" p::'oe·h a··~'lpI"')
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ha ~ ut::CD, rad ~. -. "'-:-1:"1'1, _"d~1 •. .,_"'-'-" me ','- me .'mbi '~"'f-'~ -" -'. ~ ." tncuteated -Into, ,-,-.' on-: the ;111.--!lect0- Ju d'..gment . d ,_: :. ~ 1·L!'_. d ay anod rewams anad peu,"alties ! ,L :Cu·t,u·re:Ii:e .bes 10 seemed an, insipid fr'a,u.d, and the: prayers I ,;had, been .. tau ght . w~ U'·· ,·p-····l··-J·t--·-·l 'I-:-:-:-~""~-;·,r··_-.~: _ ~_:," ..... 'C-'RID" :I,~, Ie,e yl ne!IICC.I;.lve .agBlDs,-I't' t~h".. r~1 of' d .e'a:' th .. te fear N :_~e ":ear 0,f deat til 'w:Duld not let :me go.• , 0, the f _~, Pee ....Ie -.-,it,..:. h-, ..,.,.-:,. nO'.'DO\¥D ,Ir.; ,.~ .. _ eo'p_~e WIIO :_Iave not 'k"'-'-·· SU11,e;nng th,!e~8e:__,y(:s, .. .WJ-.~__ not.--, unrd":e:D:tan:. Ole. ·W:. ·en. '_' say- '.<~~~at _.'J-" .d" , -h' _ th , my :.'t' . tr ..... that -.-:,-'a, ·:·,a.···h· ...-...t· tc llI!t ..ha ...1, grown so 5..-gog :.- .I.a' the Dlen.· .-0 1=~- ~·au . ,-- .... : least m ement a-if' ""'c;;w;J~ com rl!L!- .,.~._ted I fo:r-> l-o,-,"n' "g'-- <-h-'Q·'U"""1 -~ ' '"' ...··:nPDI'"S·-··B-:; It _ ···,f' ·- :,,1;, . ·":.·a"~··'-'·' -, ~_ _ ,,--...sh 10" -·,'pa .pl''''l~.on,an d ,aJ)pIS- .. the I save that pain and d':IJ1~J·Q,s·~,e.existed and at ~UI·I·. same tlme that they were 'void ,of sense' and ·:·(----.,'-::·-·~~Ii·: ·····r··;-· meaning. A:·· .-~.', ..~- th ,-' -m,on,g me men 0_. the rat::-;b,,!" 'I' had e I'--:'Y'b -"e nar . r become a creature 0, ,8 strange, unknown race, so much 'so that. 'thle'Y had 'fo'rgo~tte'D that I had once 'been part ,of their world. I had the dre'adfu .. , sensation that I was 'DO,t ~~e,ally alive or <wh.,olly dead, I~. a living corpse, unrelated to the world was · d- , th d' o r-, ,~ ,IYID,gpeop 1e an·~_,at '_.>',e S8:me tltne:~ lepnve d-' : < --. b·· ~>-~'--~o· ,-:- "d' P' ,--" .. e' 0., " ",th"' of-'"thc.- .....e_ IO_.JlV.l~·.,nani. '-e' -"a'"~, ..- ·f" ·d'j-'ea It was -night when I' stood up fr;()m besid,e my' 1 m{~· I b' &~ .,_. ·U· ,' '_ . op': '·J'!!!!iu.'· b~ 'r="'a:~",~:;~mi;r:-~ '110' "0· .1'' ".d.·- ,o,~:·,-',t ,0':'"If- 't'_'....- ~ W1:·'-·D'" ·dIO·. WI'.' A··~··. sin.g~' le 'black t~Fe" 'Ie:' W:--'· Vl',··sib-~ Ie'' ,' 'b"' s·'I~,d--,iiA the ..·" s·'·hi' u-' It·-te·· ':::·re-'d·'-a··,s··~ e · bu':f..kble· "r's'" s--:h~'o· "P'-'I 'Thl "Ie'- 's·'h' l·a:·ld-Io·_·~:;t&:Hl!i' hi: '~d'' ' m'--Pfi ig-,,-,ad: I~n·'t·,o·· ,':'-" ~"-. .. I' ,I,e~.·.as c· on,e b'~···I,-~:·c·-'kl mJBSS,., ., £i.'~lt ·:-.. ." ..oug-,h-" ,every .Dg t·· ac '. .. ,..,,''.:'. :·····t·hi-:'!i·:-;--- ,10 ,t'~)~,'w":',o",r'l~0, W ,_" h·' :- jlftw'·- a~,:_._' p'._ .. :·,·\B' D,·,·d r··n".rI·,a<I~o<n··a:"·I- 'TI b' "Ie-" p-:-)IIif.·c:-h"iIIi ,.I!I&~ ~,_ ' .. '.' ;I[!!I - , '... ~(., ,.. ..... .. black sky' remind.ed m.'e of an old bla.ck. ·tlent 'in. w:~ch the Ie.ogrntl~ss ;shin~!ng' stars· riC, _,resented· Q b I 'e-' h- o',-:'-,..:' ·- A.-·····s..-·I' '.hl:ra..·t·'c· ~'le'-'d:- h·····,C··8.'··r·r··'ti'-· fr-'=o:-"'," ,-"," S·:'Q,lm···'··c·'·w,.-·,-;' _ :le··'c~. . 11, . m 'f' -: .. : .. " '-' .' :I!. :-'1·,t' -.'.,-;... .' ···-,·,t'vOIce 0,,1-':' a mueZZlD" a~~~,oug. 1._w,as DD· e t-_·· - _. ,~JlDe
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of these i~eas, of these formless, menacing figures. tai _. ITh ~.rere, besi d e tne curtain, sat. one £:': J!' '1-h -esl.·. ~L (;eal~I,U snape, "dt I ~'_" __ . I t never snrre d''''-It. was nen .ier ,Iloom,y nor Ch-eer,C.' 1 .. I'~ bk 1'0_ .' E . ~llv:ery time '. came~,ac'·' 'to my room. It gazed steadily into my eyes. Its face was familiar ,.t'·6 me·. It. ,.,··" .....'.::" ,':d: ,m,e . .'." __,a,~.lace Iseemeo ton .:'U13..t' !' h ,a, see.n., that ,., __ad ,.~. ;·.m.e.:.~ - " ,ID Rly ch 1·.,;.00' '···d,::_•. 'Ies" I,.c·-,'," OlD, th···· '.-:; ~ att :"<'0": - IUm,e ., .. S' .. aild h' .... ;- • v" ,- t was .... ae ' • L,~' th /:I,ay O~ Ni ouruz~, " was :p'I..,aytog L id f 1······ ".' I ILilLIJ;'tleeOI!._ d Rl_:~e.. h 'L_j'ld ana.J) see:'k. Wit·' SOIDe' 0 th er C:·:·Illl,.·; ren 0"'n ... e.'b ~.-:~ , tb nan k h f th .. S·L 1-h I't '-, ,O· ..~-'e river ~_uran wnen ; ca"g~''h It S;~g1: -olf diat same face ,am·jd a crowd of' other', ord.in,ary' faces set on top ,o:f funny, reasluriD,g :Ittle bodies, It reminded me ef the- bu,tck,er 'O:PPI eosite 'the 'wind,aw of 'my room, I felt that this shape had. its place m'""~,:: ,1:11b, ..;n'-:', .·d,,·...I ~all! II' ,,·a··. O'e:cn. ···t o:l~en before .. 'a _, .. 10, ;, I.y~life .. had 1- .. r ,,·,_. 'l,ofle e \h-, h,· ...:"-'-., b -'.-,.'-: '.~I···· :.--.r WI.Ul ad . ,Ie:r,aps ·tb-:.i;!·SI "a·-ow ..... sha I _ a,,_ I."o·elen I_"orn a,QD,g :;-", .... \.. P"",'"·h'· me and moved within the restricted circuit- of my
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in me a feeling of exquisite, intoxicating pleasure which made my head swii and my knees give ~(lfill;d m~ 'with ~us~a. Suddenly I realised. that I was still standing. The ,circum .. i. I'" hi H stance stru me as 0·'dd even mexp ..ucaoie. " .·.O!W -'c'k'-::, .', b' .-. .. · .' ,.". could u have com.e a,.-sout. thta_t I:- was·s -an 0"'·,IDeS c·. ..-,'.'. -_..'fl' . '. ,. th if I~ , 011 my feet? It seemed to m~ .·'at L : w~ to move' one of my feet I should lose my balance . A kind of vertigo took possession of me. The . d d' I'D,· earth and eVJerythin,g 'upon it, L., d receded .... 1,13'=_, finitely far from me. I wished vaguely for an earthquake or athunderbo t from tbe:_ sky which lb1- c. - --- ~would make It poSSi:~.'.~,e' me: to iL:... bo ror ee II-olm 'a,gaI'D

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their validity~ M:y repressed lusts my secret needs, "~"h'~·,,;.'. '-ad . .. .~.' ~.•:.-.. to w~ Ie:.h'·'b-a -. b:···-,_·.,"egotten 'th·:--·-:-·] ·d:"~-·"'·"·': ".:-,gave .nse"', -," J.~IS .. ,ream, ~Jm.pes and _~ happenings which "were beyend belief bu "which seemed -natural to me. For a few moments after w,aking. u-~-p~.I' had D:n sense ~o"f:.1:t-I~'~m-·~····e.·,· or place and doubtafwhether I It w01Jld seem that I myself created all my dreams and h.ad ":'e, knll, O'~ th e correct ,.,-,t-.......-~" '., . " ....:.-.'..-'et 111:,e'Fpr,etatl,on .-, ·· =: ""- 10, 'n"I"rr <.I_.~':.,,, ,I., <,Qfr them ~:_ ~tl-I --.
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with vines of morning ,Jery. An the lhhabltants _ofthe town had died by some strange death. Each and every ODe of 'hem was ,at"a- 'B·ld· l~-"g~'"',' .. '.'_"ess, WI.-.! --, ,....... dre ti -).: ... ,. of.-ltl' 0(11 0,_-, mo~o,n ··· ith- t.WO"FOpS .. , 'b' I~ .••. from his-'Moutbeongealcd upon his coat. When I touched one of them his head. topped and fell to the le,A .".''--' -,-' .".1 - ..' . - - arou'Rd"'I came to a butcher's sh'op-: and saw there a -- - ·',·'k th-·, odd' d-end ,." . ,man ,11 ..e ':."'e'',C-,_, ..~~S ,an'. -ends man in front of' out house. He had a scarf wrapped around his neck JUdi held a long ... bladed kni-e in his hand and he stated at me with red eyes from which the lids seemed to have been cut .off. I tried to take thee .:,.-:..c.---,' . .'.'.--: k-nne rrom -. h:-''~JS h'·· d ,H'I'· neacd"-.. ~I d.. and:- fell la.D~·_.~~IS ln ,- topp e·.· to' the ground. I Bed i.,' terror, As I ran aloDg the streets everyone " law was standing motionless Wh";':' I :fre,a,c~;__,e",~y 'I;at;'il.e:~~ln-,. ' ,.',OU8e' 'h' d ~ hi ·'1 aw's b ..~<~JJI. ...... ~Ie,n,
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"Wh'--'i .:'_el ·t·~d':'·:1'-· -,, ....- ,-, fi--·· h ed I. went bade e··n' _ .. __ }':lug-up was, DIS, to '. "Y': room..... a:-' d..... ~a,'d_;"" a re~OI1.lt:iOll,a Inghtfhl " ~L' .... e R .. --..-." . .c" ..... / .. , reso ~1~~'lro\n'-' , .. Cc_.t· no tne 11,·t,·t-l· -'. cl"-' . -' ,0_:"'~': my I ren ··t·~· h·· "I"e,osC!:t ':ff' ~.I''''U... ., 'I"ftft'm a' r=»:: 0" t a b:A'n' e' aO"_.-,I:' snne -.w_ :C,~ Did" too ok ..,'-, :Ii#' ',' d]/ 'Ii.......... '.L":.hi- h I kept In .... :.... wiped "-'. '·~ki-·'· _·f···':·-.-a box there I ,-~'.>,',.-,'~' the'' blade on th. tne s',n or my caftan and hid It under the pillow. ',. had made .th,is resolution a long time· before but there had been. something just now in the movements o£tbe butcher as he cut tip the legs of the sheep, weighed out the meat and ""L 1- .··I,"-d···'. ... '-,'~. ,--- d-' - "..,1.. .. lu~en.~O(:llLle:-.' ,arOUD,.· : W1U;~I, an ex.p~· '.'-.~ of se f~ .,reallon, :II£!. .. '_, latis..aetion which somehow made me W·,.·· 'an~·· .0 t .. ··· lnuta~ him". This !Vasa, pleasure that I too must expenence.1 could see from my window a patch O'r' P erfec t ,,:~~,~:p1,:_U'C' ID.-;.e ,ml·:-'.Jltor the d,o,uds,. deen bll "" th '''d'' f h . _1i.1:-lt,~·., '.. It seemed .1;0' me that I should have to c:imb a v~ long ladder to re~h. th:atpatch of sky. The bonzoD was covered with thick, yellow deathJy~' clc u ',d,'s "'. i:·b'I....:.,.,..' .'~."' h e, heavily upon the whale ..a f \.... w; ~ch··" welg ..ed "L,._.
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~ h" !s' whe'R .~'.- goae, 'G'-"d'h__ I had, I,' . 0-,. ave 'mercy' on l'll,m, 'I: troubles are over.' A funeral peocession passed by in .front of my window, The ,coffin. was d:r,a'ped witb. black and . -, adl . d .~." - ·' .,:' - ,_-" " a ,'ligh.tecd' can ~ e stoo: Up0l11·t',._C M-:--,year'-".-. caug-:b~,:,t·' ;l.L ll'·Al'J .L' til' eople tne cry, «r: ,:r.uid ar nuan • AI"I me tn'a[·,~e<",="~Y.c':-'~-' .L.1118 .,_1. ~. d espd ." , and die passers-by left whatever they were, Olllg d fter an,d '_"'II~e' ''_:...'. n pace'I' 'a~ the coffin -.Even the -:..""iII,&.' .. .' eve buteher came out, walked the regulation seven paces after die eoffin and returned to his shop. But the old pedlar ... man did not stir from bis b place .beside his, wares. How serious every.oyd · ..denly loo···,·····"' I D·"o···lul-lbl,··t'I:-~s·~'s< their ..ed tbolug,~'.hts. ' tad Sud turned· abruptly to the subject of death and the -'~t'·r···· ,1-.II~~e·- . , '"'"': m.I·Y·" nurse W··:-···h····n-· bro..·,'u'g;ht .me mv , iLllJ .I~.• rn~dicine I observed .... she looked thoughtful. that She was fingen~ the beads, of a large rosary 'and was muttering some formula to herself. Then she took up ber position outside my door, beat her breast .and recited her prayers In a loud voice: ... G'" odl .I."y uu-o-o ... ~.. M'~' M"" ""I~ d I' elY .. . Anyone might have tboughtit \fI1lS my buslnes~ 'to pardon the living! All this buffoonery . eft me completely cold.t actually· gave me a certain satisfaction 'to' think tha t, for a 'fe:w' seconds at der)"o.tDc~,.tem.. e, ru''V ra · a" 'Jk .i.· '.'t..e:"t th.. ~ r:',a- b~~ . - .;: ~ _.__ e-rne n were un lUi .... b Porarilyand superficially it is true, 'somethin~ of what I was suffering. W.as Dot my room aeoffin? This bed that was always unrolled, inviting me to sleep, was it not colder and darker than the ht th :' I' was .flng :Ii a. C ·t!:"n grav:e? The ,tlio'ug!r~ftt "fat .1 ., .', I, lD 'ILl,
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h_a: ' occurredd to me several tnnes, A,I 11'lght my d room seemed to contract and to" press against my M··:I'~"7 I!!It' ,:.' ~-h' :"",~.' '.'· Je h' b - dl'.' .ay 1_~ not"','- b e t "at. poop···l~· " ave t us same _~O-.~,y,. sensation in the gr,av·e. ,P' Is anything defini te about the sensations we may experience after death? True ..the blood ceases to Ic'·'r'"",~u·,·la}te and after the lapse '~nty-foDr hours: certain 'parts o;r the body' beg,in to decompose, Neverthe less the hair. and the nails continue to grow for so".' 'c timeafter m', d .lJj.a·; _.LlI,~~ 'D'.'0.·..· (. cnsa,b'.' '·on :. .·....d --l.... ,. . .~ 'L .. ·s: .-.", an~, t.llOU~.l.lt. ' .' cease as soon, as the heart has stopped beating or do they continue a vaaue existence., alimented : I!"- ~-.-- .' . . '. -,' \ . 'by the blood 'stlll remaInIng in the minor b.lood,e: £. yes s ~ T' ne I!.. et 0' ,"Y1.ng.-~. IS~ a 'learlUJi'1 thmg in .. J.3C ·-·,f·· d'['··· the tee .,-..".. .- .' .. d d, ',!e "conS'elQUI,neSs th t ,o'n~e.' 'IS, .: :.ea··~: .~.;,a~' Its e""llf' b 'w···, -ftu- ·ld...: be;" ,e~~r-" wo,·se.· '_··omie O,IU Dlen,·le with ')a '.'--:~',: ". So.:~" ~. ". . I.~ '... ~.. die Wl~~I,_ . ,I,A, mille· 0:::'::',0' ~:L s'~ ;u'~lelr1,'·..- ":- )-lau:: peo:p. ,e pasSIng ~ ~ .- ... ··-,1,'-"'-= . '. illlpSL . "1~1,.~ ..., " , '... .:-' . ;... ~' ',. J:pom s.,e-cp Into a deeper sleep or like a lamp burning out. What must. be ·the sensations of a young, strong h did 1 d h~ .' -._ . an m·· - W.)!O. diIC'S ;SU,·i....:e,ny' a-II":. w'·o continues for some time longer tO struggle against death with 1\11_the strength of his being? I .lhad many' 'times reflected en the {act ;()f death ,and on the decomposition of the component p' arts ofmy~ body, s~thai thisicl;' ~asedct:frigh~ me..On the: contrary ~ I genuinely longed ...~'p·~Gi.a into oblivion andn~n .. eing. -Th~~nly b reared was that the atoms of my body should later 10 to make tip the bodies of rabble-men. _ .·IS ·~~··,ou;g::_.t unbearable to me, There: were· Thi tb h was beara times when I wished. I' could be endowed ,a'fic:r' death with large hands with )ft'ng"'" sensitive ',<' '.' gQ to
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fingers· I would care£ullycollect together all the a~~~ ~f b~~ a~d-hGid them tightly ~y h .ds to p.~~"'e·,n· th"::.-"j!I!D1··I. mvJ. .'property, f]r'CJ:m ··~·D·· t ____: . .....:.a·· L passing into the bodies of rabble-men, . .. Sometimes I im.agined that the visions I saw '· · a were to eve r:y-:-·-:-o·n· 'who 'W'BS ·c····· .', .';!I.,"", those w· ··'bic .. h;·, 'p"'p' 'e"a"" red . at the point of death. All anxiety, awe, fear and wUl· to live had suhsided. within me and my Rnunciation of the religious beliefs which had b~p inculca:ted into me in my childhood bad given me an. ex.ttaordinary inner tranqui lity. What comforted me was the prospect of oblivion after death. The thought of an after-life frightened and fatigued me. I bad never been able to adapt myself' to the woold in which I was now living . 'ould;~ another ·w····,·o-·;rI11d· be to m e? I , rhat ;L'L,:_ '._~ . O:£·j··W, .. use W'~<.r felt that this world bad not been made for me but for a tribe of brazen, money grubbing, bl~stering louts, sellers of t@DsQence, hllngry of eye and beart-for people" iii fact, who had been d i ,'lwJ .,:W ik eness .'.·u· W -' eTe'a:t~e·, In 1'··0 0 n L· j~~,i.j. 'aD>\~1 '~:b'0-'if fa '-n~ed'i an d grovelled bdbre the migbty of earth and heaven as the hungry dog outside the butcher's shop wagged hi.& tail in thehope of receiving a fra ... ment of offal. The though.t of anafter ... li~ frightened and fatigued me. No, I had no desire to .see all these loathsome worlds peopled with repulsive faces. Was God sum a~enu ~at He ,., ....d -~ ,I'VW:&& ""b~'~:" AI l:nSU'I~~;I' lOR :my, InA1:';;'DfI O'V-er H'I'SI ~·'·o·De·htJ· , ",-..--:':, __ .....~' [0"0' 'v, ' worlds? I must speak as I think. If I bad to. go through another life, then I hoped that my mi ..~ ' and senses would be Dumb. In thateven:t I could

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appeared to me Just as strange, as UBD1B'tur,al, as. inieKp,Jj,ca'ble:" Dr the pi:c,t,Dre ,Ob the pen-cu~th~t I amusi~g this moment as I write. 1 reel that die desigD. on the lid of this peo~e 'mus,t, have' been drawn by aD arriIt in the ,gri,,,1 of some mad ,o:bs;cssioD,. Often wh',en 'my eye' tights 011 tbispict.ure it strikes me as 8OnWt0W fa",~·~·'·~ar. Perhaps thiS pieture'is the reason why ..l ... . ~P---r'-'h",a,."'p'l" it_ this 'poictuf'C that im~lI, me to _ . ~~ ... ' is Ir~~:r,: write. It rep:rtl~.ts a C)'prdttree at the ~oot of which is squattiug a bent old man Hke _Indiarakir.. He' has a 10111 cloalc:wrapped a.bout him and he is 'wearing, a turban, on his head. The index fin_ger of his-left hand is ps:ased to his Ups, ill .3 'gesture of su_rprise. .Before, him It sirl in' a lo,n:g 'b,Jack, dress is dancing. Her movements care Dot those of ordinary peopJe......1he could be Bugam Dasi.S,he· is holding a Hower of morning .gl~ry 'inhe~ h~d~ ]J~~en' them nms a Httl;
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wore an eXp·ress:ion or weariness and .sufFering like those of' a sick child. It. was as though everythiD;g that w,as :b,ea~vy, earthy and b~uman in IDe had melted away. 1 was pleuedwith my face. I inspired in myself a certain voluptuous satisCae. . dtJD,,~,As I looked ,j~l'tOIthe Illirror I ~saidto m)t8elf, ~Yout paiD is SO prol'ound that it has settled in
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H;er ,'fU- ·,-'S'.'tr'l reles s: on me but e L '. e~"y-'-e's" were fixed u· .' ~,~. ..: hey ·w··'·re·· mpty ,0····'£. '., ,... _.,.' .... ',. :-.-- ,-.~, .". -·'la' .:.II,on sa d' mess- .. Idr.cnera'-11'y 'I,pea~~ ." . '.~ '--:. -.. ' -n,R., surprise, rrrm :- ·t·; or A'~' ..-::: sti -·:"·d·'· .'. -.' rd ,,····,t··· that '. :.-: , OD'C - ·;iI'!fo..I,_.·..... 1 IS orwloary ,S;,Upl'., con _'QC· .- ia mases '-' ... -. '1·:-- ,.,v··h·· ··t· ,Ii: 1·:; .; h····t·... ·-·' ~IDe , :.."-,,-". ,C, .... , .,. ,~ . '.augn, b<\I;. t'1_::h' '.:I·S, ,aug," rer 10:11,·c·~·-·-·~-· . arose rrom a .. -. . - _.. .-'.. _. ,. .-.U;pl."ll~l t' . .' , eepe:r' ca,use',. Th'.'.,.I·!e vas-'t 11,. - !d' ·'hJ tha t'" 'I saw. la, d ,c,' . Ii' (-:, betore me was part . 0 r-:.-th e generat').ma b"," cy 0", ~'I Y.. -,'0'" e ~E~ m~'nl:,"··;'I·D' d' - t'-o-'" u- r:·a·"'lv_...e~·[ th-· I.'.e"_' C/'·:~'n° :--a: I p. '''O~''·'b':I-II/!!Jj'm"-:.. S: 0"'If'I~' - • +,' .. "~ '. tb t t'-h -hleXl:s,,..,e:n1ce ~,anid' -II-:JJa".:I·;:.lngw,:, h'- ~ ,(;,::1 ~-., Ilo'r h" .'- W,U, ~,ier -.; ..' ;s:'h-:··,r:~o,·:U·l,d.:1 e.,:ld" 11!!I'·'m-1 ~e,.Detr·---~able:darkD,ess was, B, , in sture --'f" ~ , .,:"h' ., 0.." d· ,eat I L ·],tse.J€" I., She too:k ,th'l!! b,r,a:zier a:n,d, walked with ,dlelibera.-

I.~·Wha·,-·'t·-· ave 'r~'D-"U" tIO'" hope for now H·'I·a···' ve you for,w:o'ttc'D .. the, bottle 0'£' win,e- in the closet,? One .oJ _' '__ . --~ '.~ - '." .- _", - .. d .. :: '-. ,·,th·· ~;, .. ", ' gzul-., anc<' ther -.'.-",..-: ,en··. 0,f":,' every' .ID.g... • '., ..._p, ."'.'d nere IS an ... - .. . DS OlD .~ ~OOI:," ., ·~ere.. >' F"-'" ,'11 •• 'yQU. aile'.a. .6": . '1'_.. _ • " '8'" - - .~ I am, ta·'l~ki·-- -, 'to the air!' TIle t~_QI\tg-hts which .came into my mind were .. -; .' .1",·-:-·d::-· .. .'..... ano_:·,lcr " ": ..... ·th· '.' l'A ... -. .:,.-." UD·leJ,a~e· t0 one , ,.',)" . -, .. I' coU·_.u h ear m.y VOice ~ -'" ." --,·t ..- II - ·t' D~~', . ,.' m m'I,'1 ,-'th roat 'b ,\11'11'" I' ~\O'U'ld" no" ~g'~_'p"1 the rn eanmg Y····,·· 'e' - .......-of'the words The lOurnds, were minzled in m'Y': brain. with other ".. '"'UII'..IO; d'I M--:-·····--;-'y··..' fi'lllng"c,e-rs",::' seer ied so .. ,__: _-'" . '. _. '. QI:._:, bi,g'ger than normal, as' always when the fever was on 'me My;'"""1 evelids.', feltI·, )heavy " RlV I.ipl-'I.had , .' .' .'" .'. .... '. . .I _:. -,,-. _.: II '1 -- L" .. .. ' , :'.,' Ie·.·. ~urne~· - tnd ./.' lid >, ..~.:.--:-. ·m .grow,n thi ---:k· "--, t.. , ed foun.· .. aD:._ saw my nurse • I-·'··,e ~.'"oor'w,ay•. I'.. b,.unct 'OIUt. I h-·lng., d stan di 109' 'In th La'ug' ..
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he'a,d to t'h.te 'b,:ricb, ao,d be.gaD 'to [eel better. Aftle~r: ; '. . h a little '1' murmttrled. - t;.e 'w,ordll, OJ'r-' a song "W:~:~IC '1: hi1·,la··h ·Iear~d'" som.ew·~'_e·r·e' o'r o)~_.Jer': -'. •. "., --hi' -.- . .·th ,.
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Let~~dri~k ~e-orth~Kingd~m ofRey. If W,It de Rot drink now', 'when should 'we drink ;I' When' .the crisis was coming upon me I cou d always feel i.ts approach in advance and was Iiled with an extraordinary uneasiness and depression as though a cord had been tied tightly around my heart, M'y mood was like the weather before the storm breaks. .At, such times the real world receded from me and I lived in a radiant world incalculably remote from that of earth, . Then I was afraid ,of myself and of everyone s- - pp~o·.~, IIi ~ diti fmi d els'>..'-':, I;,U,:(=_:.le - th·- 'CO"(,_-Il'~lOn, 0'· mlD:e: was, x~'ueto, -' ie •. '''11h"-. h ... . d my a.!1e8s, WU"'C~_ha d sappec my menta I..strength. The sl,ght of the 0' d odds-a .. ad-ends man and the butcher through the wi:nd:ow filled me wi to fear, There was ~etbing frightening in thei rgestures th I\.r: '... ' ana...:J" In .'.' felt' races, ~\l1,'y nurse 'tOII-I~,me a ~. h tfnl~a Irig' .e thing. She swore by all the prophets that she had see!! the ad odds-and-ends man come to my wife's room during th,e night an,d th.at fr'o'.m, b,ehi.n·d, the .door she had heard the bitch say to him, r:ir!ake yom: scarf oft:' It does not bear thinking 10£. ITw'OI olr thJflee Id,a'Ys, ago when I :shri'cked ,o,u't and my wife came and stood in the doorway, I saw, I saw with my own eyes, that her lips bore the impdnt of the old dirty yellow ,deca. yed . .c,_,etw'een W,i'C,_lij _,_e use", to r'oci,te tile Ara'bi,c h'· h h d ·t~e' tb b Ver,SlCSof th,e K,Q,raJ)iP .·,'·nd"1 DIQW ca:me to tb.i:nk h hi" - db . a·ngin,g' £ It, '.y o_ '.' 'W'h wastt tJJat .~.15 'm,an h-a:~,I_een ,h.. a.bout outside our house ever since I had got
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the high-pitched plaintive sound of a, kettledrum. It was a sound expressive of entreaty and supplloarion which awoke in Ole all my ancestral superstitions anid.wi ,"WIt·, tb ':~. aem, 'my Iea,F'O'- t,h [':, k "e dark. ITh'..I.:e refIllS" the ap'p'r'oa' ieh 0,·, w', '.I,e· ,-',I had..' £!e·· in . -~'-. -f hi h It ' ,u.,,~ 1'4-._' advance and which I was, expecting fIr'OID moment to moment came Up:'OD me' M'-Y'" hole body.. was w : filled with burning heat and I felt-·ba~t .I' was, suffocating. I collapsed. onto D'ly bed and _shut my' eyes. It seemed to me in. m:y' feverish. condition that everything had expanded and had lost all distinctness of [outline.,' The ceiling, instea .. of' ~; sinking"lla"d risen. I felt .oppressed, by the: weight of' my clothes, ,F'O'I! no 'reason I stood 'up and sac doWll again upon my bed, murmuring tomyself 'The thing has reached the limit ... This is beyond endurance •. ' Then ,I stopped abruptly, Aftee a little I began again slow y and distinctly, in, an ironical toneof 'voice ': 'The' thing has . '. ." I stepped, and added, "', am. a, fool'. I paid ID:Oi attention to the meaning o.[r ,tb"e, words I uttered, ~I was merely amusing ,-.:yself with the vibration of ")'j'o"1 th e air, P erh a~"p:'·I.'!' -1-:-' as tal ·ki['' ~n.l. to W··' ... "ii":"g.:r ' .. m','::','V v·:'O"l"'~I,A' 1 ...r~ ... shadow in order to dispel my Ioneliness, ... And, then I saw an incredible thing,~ The door' opened and the bitch came into the room. S,O' then, she used to think o.. me at times and spite of everything I, still had reason. to feel grateful 'to, her, She knew that :1 was si'till ali ve, that I was suffering,[ thatI was sl,o'wlyc dy.ill[g., In spite of' everything I 'still had reason to feel grateful. to her. 1 o,nly wondered whether she
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knew that '1 was dying because of her If she did kOQ'w that I 'would die perfectly happy. At that moment 'I, was the' ha ppiest man, on the face of the earth, Merely by coming inte the :room the bitch h a d driven a'-.w'a,i·'[al ."m 'y~"evil tho ou"g~'b""'tsS··· .. '...e_.' "'-'y om -·-: : "",,,',,',1 _.'.) 1,: sort .,o·f' adiation emanated from her, from her r movements, and bro'u,gbt me relief DID this occasion she' was in better hea-th than 'when I bad last seen her She was plump and ,comro'rta,ble~ looking.Sh~ll~d on~ dbak'~{ ttlateri~l. Her eyebrows were plucked and were stained with io:dig:O.i She was! wearing a 'beauty II'pOt. and her face was made U,P' with. rouge, ceruse and kohl. 'In a word she was turned out to perfection, She appeared to be well pleased with life. She 'was unconsciously ,-0-ding the index-fin,ger of' her left. hand 'to her Iips. Was this tile same ,gr,acefu) creature, Was this the slim" ethereal gir') who, In a blac,.k. pleated .dress, had played hide-and ..·set'k, with, me on "he' bank of the Suran, the UllCOD-' strained, childlike, 'frail, girl whose ankles appear'ing from unde her' skirt, bad SOl excited me '?c U'ntiJ, this moment, when, I had looked .a,ther' I had not seen 'her as she really' 'W,D .. N 0 \'1 it W8$ as though a fallen It. from 'm-·~y··.... For ,...ome .. . e·"Y··:QS· ,,I'l ~,__ so _. _:_~ reasonthe lUI. V~I·'I-: had ,If.,·. thought of the sheep ha:nging by .'the, door of the' butcher's shop occurred 'to 'JUe+ She bad become for' ID'e: the equivalent 10;( a lump of butcher's meat, Her o.ld, enchantment had gone. She had £'. bI '.til l·Jea···· become a C'0D110;rta:~ ,SQI.[l'·,W'ODlBn witn a hi d le, 1-"· d full of commonplacecpractioal ideas-a genuine woman, 'I realised with ,affrig_:~,tthat Illy wife' wasj,

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a grownAlpwhile J had remained a :child. I at,tna'l.I'y felt ashamed in herpresence, under her :gaze~, i~rhis 'woman VI'h,o' yi,clded her: body to leveryon,e but me whi'I"e I: IcoRSo:ted 'myself 'with, 'fan,ciFul memories of her ehil,dbptxlJ, when her 'ra~e si.m,ple and j'nn,ocent ,an,d 'WO~ a, dreamy:" was, fieeti:ng e~pression, 'this 'woman, wh,osc' ~face still 'bore tile tooth-marks of' the old odas~,and~n,ds :man i'n the: 'sq:uare -- DO, this was Dot, th,e same person as, I had kn,oWD,. She asiked me in a sarcas\dc 'tone, "Haw are' 'yOD feeling ?;I --replied, 'AneJ;l~t ~~ .. ped'ecdy ·fte~? Doo'·t you do everything you fed Iiked0mg P Wbat does my health matter to you?' , . Sbe ,Ie,f( the reom, :slam:mi'ng the 'door .behjQ,id, her, S~bedid Bo,t tum 'to',1'OOk ·a,le BIle. It seeD as though, l have fo:rgottcn ho,w to talk to the people 10:'[' ,tHis 'wo:rld to liviDg people, Bile, the woman who. I bad thought was devoid of all feelings. was otrended at .my hewnnout! Several ti.mesI thought of getting up and going to her to fall at her feet, weeping and asking belt ·to forrgive me. Yes, weeping;" ~rQrf; thought that if only I could I weep I should fiDei relief~ rSOme time passed; whether it w'. to tie' m'eas'ured in minntes, bours, .. l~d~ Ir~...... I h - L~· . Of' eenturres 'IJ) 'n,o,l'mow. Lhad IlJC(;o:me like a, :mad'm'an a'DEI 'I. dl!rivCtd, an, :aquis,ite pleasure emm the pain I felt. It was a jpleaslI1'e which tta'Ds·eerl,d,ed human experience, a pleasuFE which only :1 'was capable [of feeli:n,g and whi,ch the ,gods tbl,emseives, if' they existed, could net ,have' experienced to such a de:pec. At *at moment I
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or my .superiority. I felt .my SU,pCriOI1·ty 'to tlt,e' me'D of' the, rabble, t~onature and ~the gods~tbeIDdl, that product oChulUD lusts. I had ~t:Gme a god. I wasgrea ter than 'Ooci, aod I felt wi~tbi'll, Ole: the eternal, i:n'inite '8\1X,.

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the room, 'It pleased me to thi:'D.k that I 'W,aJ able at any rate to ,frighten her, 'I rose, to In'f' feet, snuffed lh€ Iamp-wick and stood in front ot the 'mirr-o't., I' smeared the partic:l,es, 0 soot over m,y' face, Bow £rlg'h,tful was the '(alee that I :saw"!, I pa'lled down my Iower eyelid.s, released them, tugged at the corners of 'my' mouth", puffed .out :my cheeks, :pull,ed the tip of 'my beard upwards and twis,ted ~ glut to the sides, and grimaced at it :m'ysel'J: M'y face had, a natural talen t for comical and horrible expressioas, I ,felt that they enabled :m:e to see 'with m,f' own eyes all the weird shapes, all the .comical; hornble, unbelievable images whish lurked in the recesses of my mind, They were all familiar to me, I felt them within, me" and yet a't the same time they struck me as comical. All of these grimacing faces e,jisted i'DSi,C;;lc' me and formed pa'ft. of mc:';: horrible, criminal, Iudicrons 'masks' whicb 'ch,a'Ds'ed at a single movement of my fingerl..tip .. The old he _ ,~~-Q: U'I.:. U'__ :l~\ '~:l, I:L-'," KO""'rg"D" reader .... 'L'u-I,-·t-·e'hi'A~ m""Y'" "WI',''!fp, I" sa'W-· 'Ill of them within me. They were 'refJlec:t,ed in me as, in ,8 lTlirr~,the forms ,o·f·allof them existed inside ,; me but nOlle of' them belo,oged to me, Were Dot the substance and the expressi,oDS ,of 'my' face the eesult of' a mysterious sequence of impulsions, of :Dly ancestors' temptatiens, lusts and, ,de~:pain ? And I 'wb,lo was the custodian of the ,h,entaSI:I, did loot, through some mad, '("merom feeling, ,r"',o:.':oe;I'iI!l"'l,e-r· ~iV' du -+V'_ ·W'·:; heth '1"liked l-;t·, ·0····r··' n·" ot',l .,":' 'Iii!!r"-' __:!u. : l~ t, U:_ ~ preserve this stock of faeial e~pre.ions? Pm"-bly my face would be released from this responsi bitity
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only at the moment of :my death, ~ . But even then wout'ld not the ,ex,pitlessi,lo'DS,' wkic,h ,b~a,d'been, incised on 'M'y face 'by a, sardonic resolve leave their traces behind, '1190' deeply engraved to be effaced?' At all events In.ow knew what possibilities existed ·····.~>I ..-, '---'e··,·,',·· a>p::··..p·,,'f",-g. .ciated .. ',~cL~ I'-.... ~'~"",:n"" ~,CU.,. :_cutlD ,m". " II .. y~ uW,. - a I rn e ca 'p' --bili ',. [Sud,denJ,y I burst into Iaughter, It was a harsh, gre'ti'og., ho'rribJe la'ugh which made the hairs on, my body stand. on end. For I did not recognise m,y awn laulg:h,ter~ It seemed to come [rom someOD'e other' than me, I felt 'tIl,at· it had often rever .. berated ill the depths of IIl,yo ,throat, and, 'tkat ,I had heard it in the depths of :Q1y ears, ,Simultaneously I began to oou,ghJ~~' c:l'Qt Jo,f bloodr :phlegm1' it A fragm,en't of m,y iins;j,de, (ell onto, the ,-mirror., I' wiped. it across, the ,glass with. my finger-tip~ I u e ro _"n :.~., .'.'~'.:.'.. a nn ~~~.. t' rn' -:' d [.W', "'U_..i D'..;I and"'" sa ' ·N···· "y:" sta rin 'g'" at me S·:I'b" e was h·I,o··'rr=·- '/-"r,-·s'·Mc,-'-k·~·H She .. hl'~,I~II·'n·1'.' 0"- her han Id' 1·' a b~olw'lof barley-brcth which, she had b,r'o'ugb~t me, think'j'ng that I m:ight :now be able 'to eat ·my supper. I eevered my fQ.ee wi:dt my hands and h ,. ~,'L ran L. h behind the curtain w:hi h h ncn 'I-'U~g' acroes me entrance to' the closet, 'Later, as I wa's, ralli~g asleep, I felt as, ,th,o.,ng'h, my' head was clamped in a 6,e,ry' rin,I.' 'The sharp exciting perfume of sandalwood oil with w&.idt I ,had filled my Iamp penetrated m,y nostrils. It ,eo'ntained 'within ~ii odour ,of 'my wi'fe':s the leg~~and I felt ip my mouth the [alotly' bitter taste' of 'the stub-end of a cucumber. I ran my
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h d over 'my·, b 0d ,- anc menta '1-)."\1 comp are d I_It'-·~ d ,lta'n1~ I:~ ··,"Y" .. "1' thighs,-caives, arms and the res--with wife's. I could see again the line o£he)\"thigh and buttocks, 'could feel 'the warmth of her body, The il]us;io.D, was far stronger 'lba'ft a mere m,e~ntal picture; it had, the force of a :phys,ic'al need. I, wanted to reel ber body dose to mine. A s"ngle gesture, a single e'fTort of' the 'will w'ouJd have 'been enough to dispel the voluptuous temptation, Then .the fie:ry hd h d · DIl!1 areuncd my head ,grew so tlg.·-,t anu so b :)u-rn'lng hot that 'I sank deep intlol a mysterilQus sea peopled wi th ter,ri(yin,g shapes, 'It w,. still dark 'wh,en I was awakened 'biy the voices of a band of drunken pelicemen who were marching along' t,he street, joking obscenely ,amon;g' remselves, Then they sang in, chorus,
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cCo~e" let us' go and drink wine;

.·d;"·,____....; -'0 '0',:-;-1> -~' I_ remem ibe ,--. ,-)·····~'.,I"T"-,ere<·,-n,~" II'- had ,a rSU,i.c'enl.aSI,,1 ~-,jh-' 01 ,a ..". ,'-'. idde '1·'n'-IS\<p-~llilira-'·'I~o:'n·' had.. some I' ·-' "W"I"lo-e 1""8" the ..• , closet a .._'.._' ,., _~. ,,' ','Ii ,J_:: "_':c., bo ') (Ij:' WI'De WlaiC:JJ contame d a, .portl.ono'!' r~ '.' ,:L.: b .. .·.,jtt re . C' ,eo:b'ra, venom One gulp! of that wine, and 'all 'the .nigatma:rlfJs of 'life 'would Cadle as though they had, , ' " ",lC_L:., n,cY.er b-~~-,-~' . , Ii. But ". ,'L~:.".,;-:-. flU,~·,t- thI,e. bitch ~ ••• ._"eeo.,' WJ1.181, a,b ,., ' The word intensified my 'longing for her brought her b '-rE':.·:-;. ~-'" me CI-LI-') IO:L VI,I,~·_'··:1 ,'."', wa;,m tb',- ,".' d r ner .,e.,lore, '.--;-,', IU_r~, ,- C':' '. italitv ana " '.' rr ... 'What 'better lCD' uld lido than give her' a glass of that 'wiID'e ~~'~,',:drin.. k- 0' fF-'-: 0/·""0'- It" h·'r· 'm"~'~ 'If: 'r-' IT'h 'w''';e'' d' at w, -,( ,. VAle' . . '-n':I' should die togetherIn a single convulsion. 'Wh,at'is,
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love? For the rabble-men 'it is an obscenity, a carnal, ephemeral thin,g',.. The rabble-men must needs express their love in Iascivious ;SOOgSl" in obscenities and in the foul phrases the:y are always repeating, drunk or' :sob,~r-----",shovi:H;g the ,d,g,nkeyj,s hoofinto the mud" "'givi~,g; the ground a thump , and SOl forth, ~ove for her meant something different to me. True, I bad known her for man'y year,s"j Her strange, slanting eyes small, h,alE-open· mouthy husky, soft voic'e~,all of these tbi,·ngs were charged w:ith distant, painfu] memories and in at of them ,I: sought something of which :1had been deprived somethin,g that was intimately connected with, my being and which had been taken fFc:m me, Had 'I been, depri ved ,o'r' tilis, thing 'fo,r ,aIlti.me to come 11 The £e,ar that it :migh t be so aroused ,iD 'me' a grimmer feeling, The thoug' t of'th:e ether pleasure, the one 'w';bich, 'might compensate me for my hopeless love, had become a kind of obses sio D", Fo r re'·'a'·>,Q',-. ft'; , the - fieu re '."f"·" th,e '8 ,lUI. -'-\0",,"""'. butcher opposite the windowof my room occurred 'to me. 1, remembered how he would roll up his sleeves, utter the sacred formula 'hlfstne'llah,'·· and proceed 'to cut tip his meat", 'His expression ,KD,d at'titud e' were alw ay:\~P~'I'esent, to m 'Y'~' ,1.;-.1:'- '. ti,,. ,.',,' th mind, n .' he "Ii.·· .. _ a ..... end. ,I t:OOI carne to a decision, a frightfulld~cisio:n~ Lgot 'Glut .0': 'bed, rolled 'u'p m'y sleeves and took out the bone-handled knife wbic:h, I had hid,d,en underneath, my' pillow, I stooped and threw a Y'ellow
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I should ' ave carried IOI'ut my decision anti cut her bo.dy into, pieces, I should have, given the meat t·,o: the butcher oppos.. our h·.'IO··:···UI'P--- t-o' sell :ll":t'e to his customers, and, in fulfi ment of a. special resolution, I myself should have given a piece of the Qf,~s·~:'hl.of'h er *h'."g.''.-.r'h· , '*0-' the 0""'II,-I[d~1 Ko r.. 'an-read er an d )., " .l'j~ ," ~H , \.'. ~"" -, gone to him on 'the following day and said, 'Do you know where that. meat yO'U. ate last night came from]" If'he had 'Dot laughed, I should have done this, I should have ~badto do it in: the dark, so that I should not have been compelled to meet th:e' bitch's ey1e'_ Her' expression ofreproach would have 'b-eentoo much for me. ,FinaIIY'I snatched up a 'piece of cloth whi,ch. was trailing from her bed and in which m:y foot had caught" and fled from the room. I tossed. die knife u.p onto the roof because it was the Ie'nife that It/ad. suggested the idea ofm rrder to me. I got rid of a knife which ""d -'. "b- .b was idenncat1 WIt. t, 'ie OD'e' I' j 'I,a; Ieen '" tne .~~ d In ..L ~b-ut ,CJ~I[eF"." ,J:1IIC ~".-'~. 'L,· -'s 1....·..... nd When, I' !tI back, to my:.' room, .I S8'W by, tne afl),t " '...'. f ' .~ on-ramp that the cot h I h d taok aat :hi' ~,_ nac . cen 1~,g t,0<' , m,y ~ ,.)-1 with. me was her .'nig" tdresa: a, soiled nizhtdress ~, h [£::II . 'which, iliad been in contact with her' flesh; a soft", :siJ:k nightdress of Indiaa make .. It smelt of her , b'ody and of champac perfume, and it still held something of' the warmth of' her 'body, :s,o~e;thiDg 0:£ her, 'I held it a,gainst :my faee and breathed deeply, Then I lay d.OW'D,:; placed it between. roy legs and '[ell asleep. I had never slept as soundly id jUI,·.:.". h !~J,_'\;.,;; _:_ a'S' I d_; ..ha t 'nl~g-:-'-'t- 'E-""a-'r-I'y'" 1'1'0'" the mo .' rn "<I~;n~'g:;-: I wa awoken by Illy wife~"s lamours ..She was Iamen tin, g' c
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the disappearance of her nightdress and .kept repeating at the top of her voice, riA brand-new nightdress l'", despite the factthat :it had a tear' in the sleeve~ l would not have given it back to her to save 'my life. Sw:e1y I was entitled to keep an old nightdress ,of my own wife' II,. ' 'When ,NaDny~i~.." " .''0; - me mIJ:!'Y":'\ ·g~S·-·:S','·S·,_I DU', :/'I--!:' brouzht , '-' ~';:-honey and bread I found that shekad plac~"~ bene-handled knife onthe tray beside the breakfast things. She said she had noticed it among the ~Id odds-and ... ends man's wares and had bought it from him. Then she said" raisillg her eyebrows 'Let1s hope it'llcomel~J bandysom~d~Y.'i picked. it up andt~amined it. It was my own en Nanny said in. a querulous, "Wended knife. tone cOb "y' cs 'm-'",,-.Y d ,',-.",'. ,~r '-(: he meant ,-", ~L " .,,':- te 'h :._a,u;g_'__, " I:~_I . e: --- -'ILa'It! bItch) 'was saying this mdrnin.g that I stole ber ·hd· d' '. ',. ,_ :nl,8t'~re.ss~-r"U,nDg'the nlgh,c. I don't want to have to answer for anything connected with you two. ,An'y', ' way" •. she began to blee d ·,Ac!:*,_'.~~V, I knew it was the bahy. . .. • Aecol'ding to her; she got pregnant at the b,aths.· I wlent. to her room to .~ass~ge her belly nuring the .ni.ghtand I noticed her' ~arJDS were a l blac,k and. blue .. Sh~e.' :showt:d them to me and sa:id"" "I went down to the cellar at all' unlucky time, and. the Good People lave' me an ,a'w:~ul pinching." 'She went 011" 'Di:d, you youI' wife's been. prep-ant fOI" a long .time P' I laughed and aaid, 'I due' say· the
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chi Id'll look like the old, man that reads the . Koran, I suppose it "ave its first .leap when she was looking at :thlt: old man's (a,ce',;'·: Nanny looked at me indignandy and went out or the room A-'" pparen rl . she had 'O':'-'!O'I'lt" expiected such a~· .. u r" . reply. I rose hastily, pieked UP. the bone-handled I}-.-'I'~"~e'· with 1 '''·~-I['I"U,n,g,·''~:. han d_:, p' ut I'''t' a--" -'a'-- in ,th':l.tre m ·b"·l~-' --. ~1':lf-' ["Iu', ~1_r~:hWy .~~, '. :_I~e box in, the closet .and shut the Iid, No, it was out of the question that the baby should have leapt when she was .ooking at my face. It must have been the old odds-and-ends man, th door ~rl;:" '.'I-e"-, So'm:-"',e,'" time d"U-.F.·I[·D~og-'. - ..the aftemoon II~ _,', ~m,yroom opened "and her' little brother; the bite' "s littl e b roth er c'~'~a'm' b"';":0"" g";' h'·~ nail Y··~'O-'HU.[ C':JO·",'·ui - e ]'··n'·- _.,_,,'.&Ir.I/.,.. ; dd tell the moment ¥ou saw them that they were brother and sister, The resemblance was extraord - ary, He hadfull,m,oist, sensual Iips, Ianguid, 'L?e"a", evel li~:,s-' sla",ntin .,g~ .won, ...e,~,ln': ···,t,~D', -. 'bi ~~. '-AD' d" :'·'.'g.'r e'VrA'~ ·'"h:-' .l,Il':" VY ':'" ··.··i~"AU",:, ....., ,~ cheekbones, unruly, date-coloured hair and ,a, complexion the colour of ripe wheat. He was the :imaga :of the b.itch 'and he had a touch rOC her , ' ",' I·' 1- m 'n,a·~S1··" ve Ssa Ita' ',: "0'1- r 's:p"~r'I"'n·:-,"tlH~'I-;S', 'W' ..as'.) "'D' e of th ,0'" s L ._,' ,r' ~S\Olulles,Turkoman face-s which are so apprepriate to a people engage i.nan unremitting battle with life, -~.pe~pi~ '~hich regarckany .~ -hI lllt neips .... rioC' 1\:J'. m'fISlI,"I~,e · h "I It to go on 1-'·' lVln~,. 1",atuFC h d nac h a d nus ~ro'UJ.er :1(. pen th· b ;&.,L aaod si ssster over many generatioas. Their ancestors had lived exposed to sun and Fa" II-'ft battling -'unceas .~,,'.' ,tJ·;,.- ',ka.n·th· ·;t:-~r' V1'....,I.'u.!L<JI· al--y' _,.l '~,",,:,' U·I~,'--.: en
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I understood now t aat :I. had become a,miniature n~d'" uu I had tran seen ded the mean, paltry needs- of' '_'.> -' .Dlankind and 'felt within me the flux. of eternity'. ... '.' .. .. t' t - --I ' Wh',at -IS le'ter,Pl'ty' r' 'T'0 me eternity, meanl.~,"Q'P, ,ay· , hide-and-seek with the bitch on the bank oE the Suran~to shut my eyes fur a single moment and hide my face in the skirt her dress. .. .. ·a~i. .~_ --0 -All' a omce 'I' realised_',_ th a:t I was ta kina tO myself and that in a strange way.. I was trying to talk to myself but my lips had become so heavy that they were incapable of the least movement. Yet although my Iips did not stir I could not hear my voice felt that I was talking to myself. , ",.. hri . _. d In this room w·hi L,_ was steae dilY' IS_~ 1[..,: - - anc '~'ICI'I lJ ,nn.uDg had . '0' .~~ a.. gr·A'W1.~.~,·t:I d··:',mr,-·k',.· like the g'rave niuht - '. ". sU,r:!I!I l-Oundcd me with its fearful shadows, In the li.g.t . d of 'the smJoky oil -l am Pi my shadow, In the ,So' ,,~)ep-' skin jacket, .cloak and scarf that I Wall wearing, . hed ..'.- .. '1,--" across the wai 1 TI··he ..... tne ",-1 .. i was streteae monon .ess shadow that I cast upon the wall was much denser and more distinct than 'my real body, My .-,- .-'1["'-,' e :ll "Ja::,_·. na '. become more rear 11 rthian myse"J.. T-h "~' ~ d-ow h d b h old odds-and ..ends man, the butcher, Nanny and the bitch, my wife, were shadows ofme, shadows ~.. the ml'·. st 10"'f~'" W,' c,·, ,w,as I,mpr" SDn~ '.• I' ha ·d·· "'h':~··h" .''',:.',,, .._... -:',, ' :~··I·d· '_ ",... . In '.I'e .n id I ke . ;h' become 'Li" iii,. a, scree ch - '1 bu ·t D1y cries cau(g~"'to l~ ~ ':"'-O'Wr:, ·,'0, .;, " - . . 'my··.· throat and I spat them out in, the form of clots 'of blood. Perhaps screech ..owls are s~ect 'to a, disease w:,~ '_ich m,ak'el them ~thin'k aSI I think, I '·'k My shadow on the wall had become exactly ..·-ce .. ) dj an owi ' an,': 1-':eao",n:g E':. torwar d' rea mten' t· '( y A'r.y' '., ad .' t" word I wrote. WithQut doubt he understood
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'"Come" let. 'us gig, and [drink 'winle; Let 'us dr;ink, wine of the Kingdom of Rey., If we de not drink now, when, should we' drink'?" I said, to myself;, 'Since the polipe are ,going to, 'get lII'C: in the end. . '. ." S,ud,denly I: eel t 'wi-thin mit a superhuman force, My' forehead grew cool I~,thre\? -~'y~lIo~el~ak and wrapped Dly scarf tWOI 0':; three times around

perfectly. Only he was capable of understanding. When :1looked out ,of'the corner of m'y eye at m.. y:· shadow O,R. the wall '1 felt I,afraid,., It was, a dark, silent night like: the night which. had enveloped all my being" a night peopled with fearful shapes whithgrimaced -at me from door and, wall and curtain. At times, ,m,y room became to narrow that Lfelt that I was lying :in a coffin. My temples, were burr ing. My limbs were Incapable of the least movement. A weight was L, ' ,. h~ pr'es:S1ug' on my chest. ,'-Ik the we·lg.. ,0f' l..' ;;L carl.__ te L. nt lLJ11e cases they' sling over the backs of h,orrses and deliver to the butchers .. Death, 'W,SSr murmuring his ,SO'R,g in m.y ear like a stammering ma who is obliged . ~.Orepeat eac word and. who, 'when, 'hie has, eome to the end of a Iine, has to begin it afre$h.His song penetrated 'my flesh, Iike the whine' ofa saw, He' would raise his voice and suddenly fall silent, My... e :y-,e-:IY. ,:~ - were D-'- ot vet. cl:0'-['5:' ",.:.":_I~ when a>' band'_' 0". "f~' I'~' . ,"",",' ed : ,.U1IJ . >, d ;FUn:,e,:n po Iicemen mar·(a116_.,~·.y' the street '" ,......',L d b k III h outside my room, j&king obscenely among themselves, Then .hey sang in chorus,
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into my face. She uttered a shriek and released me. K.ev~pi.n,g' my 6s,t clenched [QD. the warm li id In lDy 'hand, I tOSSIC:-- the knif away, Il' ran d iquic '" ~ .,nl~:le" mY other hand over her body. It was utterly cold. She was dead And then II burst into a fit 0' coughing-but no, it was Dot coughing, it was a 'ill I-I h , II., nouow graung .Ia·ug:i orf"... a qua I·. to make tlh I_~:, l'ty' ne h ai.....).-,.. .', ~.,.' 'e! ..' -~,~}Y= (.' :,> .....D' d 0- D' .[e'D-,. ,·,0, ',.'Ie,rro:r . :1 sta d I - t· .. ,.,_~~'~-_Jli.tl: · 0'0--- 0-·n- e- 'Qi bodv .. threw mv cloak over Iny' should ers and hui riec ~~ ) l~.' _. '_' . ~ '. back ·0:· ,m y': O-W~i ,_: . '. ,"'".IL .., ..,-.:'.' ,'_. oil"" room 1 opened m y-. hand 1'·0'- the llg ,:ht',,-;' th -.-. of ,,-:-,·'[1, ' - ·r' - -,-- d Ilay _1,,= , 0 ... 1.,I~eon-ramp: ,._- the paimI-I... o~ '-· -my, haane 1 1.0 1:,[1:: her' eve and 'I was drenched in blood. :1'went over and stood before the mirror, Overcome ·~~·'h'·horror~." ..1:.,', 'c-o··- vere d m', -'..---Y fa c··-,with m"-' e _~_ Y v' . '-'\,.'; , li~", "},.--:~, ands 'Wh,······I~I'·rt· II ,had " ... In the .--:1 -.: .. ', 'wart tb'-. -. ," .. a"._:- a,._,seen \, .... mirror Ie .. -,'·k-'-:;-:·· , .. ,.- .. -. .... th·----··, exaC'o_ ~--··, .. - 0,· th',·. e 'OIL _ 0-"d·:'d' -:-.. -',. ,·:t<--'Image, . ·f:...-. --"d' ~./:-.!l-' )__I_:_:ceness, nO:,.II.le d ._'earu a,n d-·e'n~_:,smanti ':, Y' _._alr aD·~II, b ...:II 'were Icom,..... d pletely w,hite:, lik,e those: of a m,an who ,has J:o,me a····'ll:~--:' ··:"hl_~--bl::-I ."e ~,as ·eC"D ,8,._,0 t·-·, .:. '·h- .' , .~"m O..,·u:-,·t·,, r.I,-V~:"-:,e- '£j"r- 0·-'1- a F09m 1.8 W, ..le,: h~ h'·.. b-~'" up.·· al,ob'g ~ 'with a co'b-,ra 'M'y,."~' evesl w'ere~' w·,·,·.']·,th-'I· ... In!I"t· "L.. -.. es hi'·' h d- c. , 1I&s•.. " 'a c\'1u,mp' '0f; W"i;I···te.~'a1rsIsp'r,oute,~, 'ir'ODl 'm,y chest and a new spirit had taken.' possession of '. d• o[_y.,:_,t.y''M:- rnt:O'Id" iao[I-'_ ,m'Y senses 'were 'lo:per,aQng b-d in ,a cem.pletely' difFe:r1en't w,av fm,:m before,~ A ... ,0 ....-, .-, 1 _.; ·t·.....~~. WlI.; ~. an: I' was d,'-e- ID'''''o''I'''n~ h"·a"...1 a,W'OJl.IED_O' IIJe' ,··_-,·'th· -._ID me. ,- -- -, '.- ,--- ..unab.e to escape from him. Sal. holding _my . ·_'1 ~III', _" . 10.;1:0' I . .... -'c"··'~o.' ... I I ! I,ace, ,_,,IDVO,·U···. ~~ ha"'ud-':'_' s· b',_:,1"-', , 'r··e· m-"'Iy ~-, -;:'.'-:' 'I , . __1 ,-- ·to"an:_y b·':.,urs:I·t' ,~, .,. a'ug·,ter~ 'I was ,a mO:R vi[orlent lau,gll than. ,the ,t '. - , dd ,", d' RIC ,S, u!".,,)er :h dd preVIOUS, one_ 'h.. a,-e,en ,aD· It ma-e . _ _ __, '_' ._ _ ,_.. ._ .," ~ _. _' _,._, - ..:___.. _.' .. .II. Iii:I

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