HELPING RABBIS AS THEY HELP SURVIVORS

Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, DAPA

-Nonnalize that their symptoms MAKE SENSE given what they've experienced and
where they've come from. Connect their current thoughts, feelings and behavioral
choices to prior pain/trauma/abuse and neglect.

-Universalize, by letting survivors know that they are not alone. I in 3 women and 1 in 5
men experience some fonn of sexual abuse/trauma by the time they are 18 years old.

-Shift from "YOU NEED HELP" to "YOU DESERVE SUPPORT". This makes
treatment less stigmatizing and re-frames it as a gift.

-Address the reality that victimization can challenge a survivor's spirituality and faith.
Survivors can feel betrayed by G-d or angry at G-d for not protecting them. Emphasize
that these feelings do not preclude having a relationship with G-d. Emphasize the role
that spirituality can play in healing. Partner with therapists to address these issues.

-Explore every survivor's ambivalence or resistance regarding reporting abuse and/or

seeking treatment. The survivor may:
-minimize the abuse experience.
- fear negative reprisals from family members or religious community.
-assume that they have to confront their perpetrator (they don't).
-assume that their allegations will not be believed.
-believe reporting abuse is contrary to religious values.

-Ask survivors how they would advise close friends or loved ones who experienced
similar pain. Would they encourage silence or be supportive of treatment? Point out the
double standard that exists between what they would advocate for others vs. themselves.

-Challenge the notion that "it happened a long time ago, so it can't be relevant now," or
''there is nothing I can gain by talking about it in the present". Survivors experience old
wounds, thoughts and feelings as if the event had just occurred.

-Remind survivors that sexual abuse is a CRIME and justice should be served.

-Remind survivors that perpetrators usually abuse repeatedly. Holding perpetrators

accountable is a way to protect other potential victims- it affects the whole community.

-Ask survivors if they are currently happy and have inner peace. If they respond
negatively, articulate the fact that they DESERVE to be happy and peaceful inside.

-Don't underestimate the value of planting the seed of reporting/seeking treatment- even
if client is initially unwilling to follow through. The validation that clergy can bring to
the abuse experience increases the likelihood that survivors will eventually respond. The
invalidation/inaction perpetuates victimization.
 The Impact of Child Sexual Abuse

Nachum Klafter, MD

University of Cincinnati College of Medicine. Department of Psychiatry

Submitted to the Jewish Board of Advocates for Children

September 21 sr, 2008

One way to evaluate the morality of a society or community is to examine how it treats and protects its
most vulnerable members. Our children lack the physical power, intellectual resources, political
sophistication, and legal standing to advocate for or protect themselves. As such, they are certainly
among the most vulnerable in our society. They depend on their parents, teachers, physicians, therapists,
clergy, communal leaders, police, and government officials to look after their safety and protection.
When these individuals fail to protect them-and all the more so when these individuals victimize them-
children have little or no ability to tum elsewhere.

I am therefore honored to have been invited by the Jewish Board of Advocates for Children to prepare a
synopsis of the impact of sexual abuse on children. It is my hope that this will further their worthy goal of
influencing our communities to develop policies and adopt measures that will help prevent child sexual
abuse.

Definition and Scope of Child Sexual Abuse:

Sexual abuse of children has occurred in all societies since the dawn of civilization, as testified to in
ancient literatures from around the world. It should be defined as any sexual contact with a child which is
coercive, or which involves an adult or significantly older child taking advantage of the child's naivete or
inability to protest. These sexual activities could include any of the following: exhibitionism; voyeurism;
touching genitals, buttocks, or other body parts of the child for sexual arousal; directing the child to touch
 K1after. Impact ofSexual Abuse

the perpetrator; fellatio or cunnilingus; anal or vaginal penetration; or any other nonconsensual activity
intended by the perpetrator for sexual gratification.

The incidence and frequency of sexual abuse are not precisely known. It is believed by most experts that
sexual abuse of children is vastly underreported. One basis for this belief is the fact that in random
surveys of adults, the reported frequency of sexual abuse during childhood is far higher by many orders of
magnitude than the frequency of allegations which are reported to authorities and substantiated by child
protective service agencies. The National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse collects data every year on
the incidence of reports of various forms of child abuse. In 1997, the incidence of substantiated sexual
abuse allegations was less than two per thousand children (<0.2%). By contrast, the frequency of sexual
abuse reported by adults who are answering questions about their experiences during childhood varies
from 10% to 35%. The wide range of frequencies found in these studies can in part be explained by the
criteria used to define sexual abuse. For example, in some studies only penetration or touching of
genitalia was classified as sexual abuse, where others use a more inclusive definition. The numbers are
consistently two to three times higher for sexual abuse of girls than that of boys. The US Surgeon
General's Report in 1999 estimated that 15%-33% of American children have been sexually abused. (A
comprehensive and scientific meta-analysis is a very complicated undertaking, and is beyond the scope of
this paper).

Physical trauma caused by sexual abuse

There may be immediate physical consequences of sexual abuse, which cause suffering for the survivor
and require medical attention. When sexual abuse involves vaginal or anal penetration, there can be
physical trauma for girls or boy which causes significant physical discomfort and pain, and which puts
children at risk for bleeding or infection. Problems or pain with urination or defecation are common
consequences of this physical trauma. Children who have been sexually assaulted are also at increased
risk for sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV infection. Medical evaluation is therefore indicated
in such cases as the child may require medical or surgical treatments, and prompt medical treatment may
prevent the child from contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Sedation or anesthesia for young
children is sometimes advisable during these examinations. Such evaluations are also an occasion for the
collection of evidence for eventual criminal prosecution of the perpetrator. In recent years, many
emergency departments have developed specialized evaluation teams so that the evaluation and treatment
of abused children can be integrated with assessments by forensic mental health professionals. The
advent of such resources enables children to receive appropriate evaluation and care without being
traumatized further, and enables law enforcement officials to obtain physical evidence and testimony
which will be admissible in court. This was not always the case, as survivors of sexual abuse prior to the
1990's can attest.

Short Tenn Psychological Consequences

Children who have been sexually abused often show immediate symptoms of the psychological impact of
this trauma. Recognition by parents, teachers or other responsible adults of an abrupt change in a child's
behavior can lead to a discovery of molestation or sexual assault. Some children immediately show signs
of psychiatric disorders: depressed mood, anxiety, obsessions, panic attacks, fear of certain locations or
people, social withdrawal, severe nightmares, daydreaming, blacking out, fainting, and insomnia, are
some examples. Changes in a child's sexual behavior are also seen in some cases following sexual abuse.

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 Klafter. Impact of Sexual Abuse

For example, some children may show new curiosity about sexual topics, a sudden awareness of sexual
activities, a new preoccupation with genitals and nudity, or inappropriate sexual touch or play with other
children, adults or dolls. These short term psychological symptoms are believed to be only the supemcial
manifestations of in internal state of torment and confusion.

It is important to note that when children develop symptoms and signs of psychological distress, one
should not automatically assume that it is the result of sexual abuse. Children showing a change in
behavior require comprehensive assessment by a competent child psychiatrist or psychologist who will
screen for sexual abuse, along with many other potential causes, in the course of the evaluation.

One complication in detennining the psychological impact of sexual abuse is the fact that sexual
predators are often quite adept at identifying children with low self esteem, who crave positive attention
from adults, who are lonely for companionship, who are less likely to protest, who are more susceptible to
manipulation or intimidation, or who are being raised in a home lacking parental attention or vigilance.
Such children may be both more vulnerable to predators as well as more prone to developing
psychological disturbances.

Long-term psychological impact of sexual abuse

Summarizing this vast topic is a fonnidable task. Every discipline within psychiatry and psychology
(cognitive neuroscience, developmental psychopathology, attachment theory, cognitive behavioral
psychology, psychoanalytic theory, family systems theories, marital therapy, sexual disorders, mood
disorders, psychotic disorders, anxiety disorders, etc.) is concerned with the long term impact of sexual
abuse on its victims. We must also briefly consider the strain on the legal system, the educational system,
and social service agencies.

Children are entirely dependent on adults for their basic physical and emotional needs. From the fIrst
moments of life, the human being is engaged in relationships with other people. According to all views
of human development, the young child's primary caretakers playa powerful role in shaping how that
individual will perceive and feel and about himself or herself as a person, and about his or her place in the
larger world. The ideal parents are not perfect parents, and the ideal home is not a perfect home.
However, despite the inevitable shortcomings of all parents, most children are born into a loving, safe,
and stable home. In a good situation, the child is privileged to be raised by benevolent caretakers
(typically, but not necessarily, parents), who take his or her needs seriously, who answer his or her
questions thoughtfully, and who enjoy the child's presence and company, and who delight in the child's
successes and accomplishments. A parental relationship like this has a lasting effect on helping a child
view himself or herself as a loveable, competent individual. It also and contributes toward the
internalization of hope and ambition for a happy, meaningful life. Trauma impacts the way children
perceive others, themselves, their bodies, their safety, and their place in the world. If trauma (emotional,
physical, or sexual) causes a breakdown in this normal developmental process, it will have long term
effects on the individual that will extend into adulthood.

The long-term consequences of childhood sexual abuse depend on many factors, including the following:
(1) the nature, duration, and severity ofthe abuse; (2) the age of the child enduring the abuse; (3) the
child's relationship with the abuser, (4) the response of caretakers and other adults who are charged with
looking after the child's protection, (5) the nature of the child's attachment to and relationships with

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 Klafter. Impact ofSexual Abuse

parents, siblings, grandparents, family, friends and other important and supportive people in the child's
life during and after the trauma; (6) the provision of appropriate mental health treatment during childhood
and adolescence; and (7) any genetic, constitutional, or other environmental factors which might
predispose to developing psychological problems or protect him or her from that outcome.

We anticipate relatively fewer and less severe long-term effects when trauma is less severe, less frequent,
occurs at a relatively older age, is not perpetrated by the child's primary caregivers, and the response by
responsible adults (parents, teachers, police, child protective services, physicians, psychotherapists, and
clergy) sensitively reestablishes a sense of safety. When the trauma is severe and frequent, perpetrated by
the individuals upon whom the child is counting on for protection and love, ignored or not believed by
responsible adults, or reacted to with frantic anxiety that causes more fright rather than reassurance, and
when appropriate mental health treatment is denied, the child will be at greater risk for severe long-term
effects of the trauma.

According to the Third National incidence study of Child Abuse and Neglect, a biological parent is the
perpetrator in 29% of cases of sexual abuse. The most destructive cases of abuse involve three things: (1)
direct abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) and harm by the child's primary caregivers, (2) Profound
neglect and absence of affection by the children's primary caregivers, and (3) a form of "brainwashing",
accomplished by repeatedly communicating to the abused child that abuse and neglect are perfectly
normal, and that his or her expectation to be treated kindly is because he or she is "crazy". The
combination of these three factors has been aptly described in the trauma literature as "soul murder".

Not all abuse is this severe. Furthermore, many children despite horribly abusive homes are able to form
relationships with other individuals (grandparents, teachers, a rabbi or minister, friends' parents, etc.) who
provide stability, love, reason, and hope. Judging from the psychotherapy treatments of adults who have
suffered severe trauma and neglect by parents during childhood, there is a consensus among professionals
that the presence of other supportive and caring individuals has an important beneficial impact as far as
long-term consequences of abuse. It should also be noted that in cases where the perpetrator is not a
relative, the child's parents may have a greater capacity than a psychotherapist to help lessen the long-
term consequences of sexual abuse. Psychotherapy is not recommended for every single child who has
been victimized. Sometimes, professional consultation and guidance for parents rather than direct
psychotherapy with the child is recommended.

Long-Tenn Effects: Suicide

Suicide is a complex phenomenon, and cannot be reduced to any single "cause". However, in numerous
studies, childhood sexual abuse has been consistently observed by numerous researchers to be an
independent and significant risk factor for suicide attempts and completed suicide. This violent,
premature end to life is arguably the most tragic consequence of sexual abuse. In addition, suicide wreaks
emotional havoc on the parents, siblings, children, and other loved ones of the deceased.

Long-Tenn Effects: Psychiatric Disorders:

The research literature on virtually every psychiatric disorder reveals that childhood abuse in general, and
sexual abuse in particular, is a significant risk factor for the development of mental illness during later
childhood, adolescence and adulthood. This remarkable finding is true even for disorders such as

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 Klafter. Impact ofSexual Abuse

Schizophrenia, which were long thought to be mostly determined by genetic risk factors. The list of
disorders includes the following: Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Affective Disorder, Schizophrenia,
Anxiety Disorders, Somatiform Disorders, Eating Disorders (such as Bulimia Nervosa and Anorexia
Nervosa), Dissociative Disorders, Alcohol and Drug Dependence, and Personality Disorders. Mental
illness is extremely complex, and the best current research demonstrates that there are multiple biological,
psychological, and environmental factors at work which determine whether a given individual develops a
mental disorder. Child abuse, including sexual trauma. is one significant factor in this complex mix.

Three particular disorders deserve special attention in terms of long term effects because of their very
close correlation with sexual abuse during childhood: (1) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD); (2)
Borderline Personality Disorder; and (3) Dissociative Identity Disorder.

PTSD is by definition linked to traumatic events. Individuals with this condition suffer significantly.
They experience flashbacks (the sense they are repeatedly "re-living" the traumatic event), insomnia,
severe anxiety, a state of constant worry about being attacked or assaulted, nightmares related to the
trauma, and usually significant fatigue and depression. This disorder was first identified with soldiers
who had suffered horrible trauma during battle, and was referred to as "combat fatigue" or "shell shock."
This disorder is now recognized as a possible consequence of any trauma. Survivors of childhood sexual
abuse frequently show severe posttruamtic symptoms. This disorder is treated with psychotherapy, and
psychotropic medications have also be shown to be helpful.

Borderline Personality Disorder (or, in its more inclusive classification, "Borderline Personality
Organization" is a complex developmental syndrome which first manifests in adolescence and lasts into
adulthood. It is considered one of the most difficult mental disorders to treat, and one of the most
difficult syndromes to endure as a patient. It involves the following: (1) chronic feelings of emptiness and
aloneness, (2) a persistent fear of abandonment and frantic behaviors to avoid real or perceived
abandonment (such as suicidal threats in the immediate aftermath of a breakup), (3) unstable identity and
self-image, and fragile self-esteem (4) inability to tolerate anxiety and cope with stressful events; (5)
extremely volatile and unstable interpersonal relationships, (6) problems with impulse control (including
eating disorders, substance use disorders); (7) outbursts of rage and intense anger that cannot be
controlled; (8) brief episodes of psychosis (such as paranoid beliefs or hallucinations); (9) recurrent self
injurious behaviors, such as suicide attempts or deliberate self-mutilation (e.g., cutting oneself). Many
patients with Borderline Personality Disorder have been sexually abused during childhood. Special forms
of intensive psychotherapy are effective for treatment of this condition, but must be provided by experts.
Medications are of some benefit as well.

Dissociative Identity Disorder: This disorder is also known as "multiple personality disorder." The
sensational dramatization of this disorder in the popular media has resulted in some skepticism and
controversy about the validity of this diagnosis. However, it remains the consensus of the vast majority
of psychiatrists (including the opinion of this author based on first-hand clinical experience with
numerous patients), psychologists, and research experts that this disorder does in fact exist. Most experts
believe that very severe child sexual and/or physical abuse is always a major factor in development this
very serious psychiatric disorder, which is treated with specialized forms of psychotherapy provided by
experts with special training with this group of patients.

Long-Term Effects: Cbanges in Brain Function. Impact on General Medical Health

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 K1after. Impact ofSexual Abuse

Studies in the last 10 years indicate that there are probably changes in brain structure and function as a
result of sexual abuse during childhood. Particular focus has been on limbic system, which is a set of
structures deep within the brain which are implicated in mood regulation, memory, and emotion.
Attention is devoted to another area of the brain, the medial pre-frontal cortex. These structures are
thought to playa role in many psychiatric disorders.

Other evidence suggests that individuals who have suffered sexual abuse are also at increased risk for
general health problems. These include autoimmune diseases (e.g., lupus, MS, and arthritis), asthma,
heart disease, paroxysmal vocal cord dysfunction, peptic ulcers, irritable bowel syndrome, and diabetes.
This is also true of medical conditions where there are already well known correlations with mood
disorders or other psychiatric problems, such as chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, and migraines.

Long-Term Effects: Cognitive Style, Self Image, Relationships, and Sexuality:

The consequences of sexual abuse discussed in this section, unlike psychiatric and medical disorders
discussed above, are subtle and covert. Psychotherapists and psychoanalysts have become aware of these
consequences through their extensive work with patients who have been sexually abused, and their
observation that such patients frequently show common patterns in how they perceiving themselves,
relate to others, and cope with stress and anxiety.

Children who suffer sexual abuse are often threatened with violent consequences if they tell anyone, and
are forced cope alone with the emotional impact of this frightening trauma. As a result, they often
develop unusual ways of handling distress: numbing, suppressing, ignoring, repressing (i.e. ''forgetting''
in order to avoid awareness), and denying the reality of what they have suffered. These coping strategies,
which were helpful during childhood, can later in life become characteristic ways that the abuse survivor
may respond to problems. As a result, some individuals who have been abused may tend to procrastinate,
"forget about", or otherwise avoid important tasks or conflicts because of how distressing they are. While
this may sound like a rather trivial or academic observation, in reality these coping strategies can cause
major, inestimable problems for those who have survived childhood sexual abuse: the inability to do
homework on time, study for tests, pay bills, attend to financial problems, identify and handle relationship
conflicts, advocate for one's own children, file paperwork or complete applications in a timely manner,
attend meetings, apply for jobs, show up for work when one fears criticism from a supervisor, etc., etc.
The inability to deal directly with anxiety provoking tasks, for whatever reason, has devastating
consequences in all areas of adult life.

Shame is another very common difficulty for individuals who have been sexually abused. Intense shame
is destructive for one's self-image. It encourages people to deny and hide from problems rather than
acknowledge and address them. Shame interferes with the ability to be assertive in the face of adversity,
or to advocate for oneself. As a result, survivors of sexual abuse may be unlikely to negotiate effectively
for a better salary, reluctant to apply for a promotion, reluctant to seek help for problems. They may be
less likely to pursue friendships and romantic relationships, anticipating rejection or humiliation. They
may be less open to constructive criticism, perceiving feedback as a devastating condemnation.

Individuals who have survived sexual abuse (or physical abuse) often find it very difficult to express
anger or tolerate anger in others. They may be unlikely to to recognize when they are being victimized or
taken advantage of. They may end up in one-sided friendships or love relationships, where they do much

6
 Klafter. Impact ofSeXUiJl Abuse

giving and little receiving. They may find it to be very difficult to say "no" if they fear this will provoke
anger in the boss, peer, friend, or lover who is making an unreasonable demand. Paradoxically, some
individuals who have suffered childhood sexual abuse show a tendency to unwittingly seek out abusive
lovers or friends. There are many psychological theories among as to why this occurs, but what is clear is
that this always has devastating consequences for these survivors, who end up suffering physical abuse,
financial exploitation, rape, and emotional torment as adults.

Survivors of sexual abuse often show various types of difficulty with sexuality. Some individuals with a
history of sexual abuse become extremely promiscuous during adolescence and adulthood. Working
through issues and conflicts related to sexual trauma in psychotherapy treatment is often accompanied by
a resolution of these risky and self-self destructive sexual behaviors. Other survivors of sexual abuse, by
contrast, may become extremely phobic or inhibited sexually. They may completely avoid sex and sexual
relationships. Or they may find sex painful, repulsive, or not pleasurable. Such individuals are deprived
the important contribution of sex to their loving, intimate adult relationships and fail to benefit from the
great impact on self-esteem of a gratifying sex life. Some research suggests that individuals who develop
a gay, lesbian, or bisexual orientation show higher rates of sexual abuse during childhood. (These findings
are controversial in the context of a shift in the last 30 years toward a view of homosexuality as an
alternate orientation, and not a sexual disorder.)

Long-Term Consequences: Criminality. and Future Perpetrators of Sexual Abuse:

There is evidence to suggest that victims of sexual abuse are more likely to become involved in criminal
activity, and more likely to be incarcerated for criminal offenses later in adolescence and adulthood.

There are no excuses for perpetrating sexual abuse of children. However, it is an undeniable fact that
perpetrators of child sexual abuse show very high rates of sexually victimized during childhood. The
relatives and neighbors of survivors of sexual trauma are therefore at higher risk for being abused. The
perpetuation of an inter-generational cycle of sexual abuse through the creation of another generation of
perpetrators is another tragic, long-term consequences of sexual trauma.

Long-Term Consequences: Strain on the Legal System.and Social Service Institutions:

It is staggering to consider the number of professionals and administrative support staff who are involved
in every allegation of sexual abuse. It is impossible to calculate the economic impact of this, but a
narrative summary of one typical case will demonstrate the point. For the sake of simplicity, we will
construct a scenario where all parties involved are doing their jobs effectively (as opposed to what often
occurs, where a "cover up" delays and complicates the investigation). A child reports sexual abuse by a
coach. The child is taken for an emergency evaluation. The child is seen by one or more nurses, and by
one or more physicians. Numerous samples are taken for laboratory studies. The child may also receive
screening evaluations for other forms of abuse, and may undergo a series of x-rays for every area of the
body. The child will be interviewed by a psychiatrist or psychologist. The child and family will likely be
referred to a child psychiatrist or psychologist for an outpatient evaluation. Treatment may be
recommended for the child and/or the family.

Reports will be filed to the local agency responsible for child protective services. A supervisor and at
least one case worker from that agency will be assigned. The case worker(s) will interview the child and

7
 K1after. Impact of Sexual Abuse

probably the family on at least a few occasions. The school will be notified, and the coach will be placed
on summary suspension, pending an investigation. This often means that his pay will continue while he is
not working until the investigation is completed, and the school district will absorb the cost of a substitute
coach. The coach will retain his own private attorney. The school district will also retain attorneys, as
the school may be at major risk for liability. Parents of other children who have had contact with this
coach will be notified that a child has made allegations of sexual abuse. Each family will deal with this
information in its own way, but many families will have their children evaluated by a psychologist or
psychiatrist recommended by the school, or at a local medical center with specialized services for sexual
abuse. Additional allegations mayor may not surface. It will be difficult to protect the confidentiality of
the child, as numerous school officials and staff will know who has made the allegation.

The police will conduct investigations of the coach and each allegation. This will involve at least one but
probably more detectives. The school will also conduct its own internal investigation of the coach,
whether there was due diligence at the time of his hiring, whether this was the first allegation, whether
there were any signs which could have alerted school officials sooner, etc. Often, expert consultants will
be brought in to review the school's hiring policies, screening of employees, etc. Lawyers for the school,
for the coach, and for the families will wish to be apprised of every phase of these investigations. The
evidence will be presented to the district attorney's office.

Depending on the evidence and the stance taken by the coach and his attorneys, the case may be dropped,
settled with a plea arrangement, or prosecuted in criminal court. Incarceration carries additional
expenses, and the incarceration of sex offenders is extremely complicated for the prison system.
"Rehabilitation" treatments, which are usually court-ordered, are also expensive. (The consensus in the
literature appears to be that there is some scientific evidence of success of these treatments, but that
recidivism will continue to be a major risk.) Civil action against the school, the school district, the coach,
and other school officials are also a possibility. All of the professionals involved in the various
dimensions of this case which have just been mentioned have numerous support staff working with them.
In short, the amount of human effort and the funding to support it for each allegation is staggering.

Another dimension to be considered is that law enforcement agents and social service agencies are often
in an impossible situation. They must take the allegations seriously, yet they must follow rules of
evidence and procedure which protect the rights of the accused. This means that prosecution is extremely
difficult, particularly when predators conduct themselves in a sophisticated manner to avoid creating any
hard evidence that could be used against them. Social service agencies must deal with reluctant families
who fear that their suitability as parents is now under the microscope, and reluctant children who have
been intimidated and threatened in order to prevent them from testifying. In addition, the number of false
complaints which are filed with child protective services for various reasons is not insignificant.
Generally speaking, case workers are adept and spotting false accusations, but in every instance where a
false accusation is taken seriously it greatly damages the reputation of our social service institutions and
their integrity. It is therefore not at all surprising that there is an extremely high burnout rate for social
workers in this challenging but vitally important field.

Summary

Sexual abuse constitutes a massive assault on the body and mind of the child. The effects of childhood
sexual abuse include immediate psychological effects; physical trauma and related symptoms; increased

8
 Klafter. Impact ofSexual Abuse

risk for psychiatric illnesses during adolescence and adulthood; increased risk of suicide attempts and
suicide; adverse impact on self-image and self esteem; the development of dysfunctional psychological
coping mechanisms; interpersonal relationship problems; adverse effects on academic performance, on
employment, and occupational functioning; a wide spectrum of sexual problems; increased risk of
medical illnesses; a staggering burden on the institutions called upon to administer the legal and social
services in the aftermath of sexual victimization; and the creation of future sexual abuse perpetrators. The
benefits of prevention of every single case of child abuse must be thought about in such terms.

Bibliography:

The scientific literature on child sexual abuse is vast. Below are sources which represent and summarize
the scientific evidence for all the consequences of child sexual abuse discussed above.

General:

Sedlak AJ, Broadhurst DD. Executive SummtJry ofthe Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect. Washington,
DC: US Dept of Health and Human Services; Administration for Children and Families; Administration on Children, Youth and
Families;National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect; 1996.

Bernet W. "Child Maltreatment," in Comprehensive Textbook ofPsychiatry, Sadock BJ and Sadock VA, oos., 7m Edition, pp.
2878-2889. Philadelphia, PA; Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2000.

Shengold, Leonard. Soul Murder. The Effects of Childhood Abuse and Deprivation. Random House Publishing, 1989.

Immediate Effects, Psycbologicalaod Medical

Beitehman JR, etal. A review of the short-term effects of child sexual abuse. Child Abuse and Neglect. 15(4)537-556., 1991.

Heger A, et al. Children Referred for Possible Sexual Abuse: Medical Findings in 2384 Children. Child Abuse and nelect, 26(6-
7):645-659. June, 2002.

Kellogg ND, Parra lM, Mnard S. Children with Anogenital Symptoms and Signs Referred for Sexual Abuse Evaluations.
Archives ofPeditltric and Adolescent Medicine. 152(7):634-641. July. 2008

Seidel JS, et al. Presentation and Evaluation of Sexual Misuse in the Emergency Department. Pediatric Emergency Care. 2(3):
157-164. Sept., 1986.

Increased Risk of Suicide

Bensley LS, et al. Self-reported abuse history and adolescent problem behaviors, I: Antisocial and suicidal behaviors. Journal of
Adolescent Health. 24: 163-172: 1999

Brodsky as, Stanley B. Adverse childhood experiences and suicidal behavior. Psychiatric Clinic.~ ofNorth America. 31(2):223-
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Draper B., et aI. Long-term effects of childhood abuse on the qUality of life and health of older people: Results from the
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271. Feb. 2008

Gould DA, et aI. Self-reported childhood abuse in an adult population in a primary care setting. Prevalence, correlates, and
associated suicide attempts. Archives ofFamily Medicine. 3(3)252-256. March, 2004.

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 Klafter. Impact of Sexual Abuse

Molnar BE, Berkman LF, Buka SL. Psychopathology, childhood sexual abuse, and other childhood adversities: relative links to
subsequent suicidal behavior in the US. Psychological Medicine. 31(6):965-977, 2001

Increased Risk for Psychiatric Disorders

Bagley C. The prevalence and mental health sequels of child sexual abuse in a community sample of women aged 18 to 27.
Canadian Journal of Community Mental Health. 10:103-116, Spring 1991.

Beitchman JH, et aI. A review of the long-term effects of child sexual abuse. Child Abuse and Neglect. 16(1)101-118., 1992

Bensley LS, et aI. Self-reported abuse history and adolescent problem behavior, II: Alcohol and drug use. Journal ofAdolscent
Health. 24: 173-180, 1999.

McCauley J, et aI. Clinical characteristics of women with a history of childhood abuse: Unhealed wounds. Journal ofthe
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Molnar BE, Buka SL, Kessler RC. Child sexual abuse and subsequent psychpathology: Results from the National Comorbidity
Survey. American Journal of Public Health. 91:753-760, 2001

Paoilucci EO, Genuis ML, and Violato C. A meta-analysis of the published research on the effects of child sexual abuse. The
Journal ofPsychology. 135(1)17-36,2001

Rothman EF, et aI. Adverse childhood experiences predict earlier age of drinking onset: Results from a representative US sample
of current or former drinkers. Pediatrics. 122(2)298-304,2008.

Soloff PH, FeskeU, Fabio A. Mediators of the relationship between childhood sexual abuse and suicidal behavior in borderline
personality disorder.

Impact on Cognitive Style, Self-Image, and Sexuality

Austin SB, et aI. Disparities in child abuse victimization in lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual women in the Nurses' Health
Study II. Journal ofWomen's Health. 27(4)597-606,2008-09-17

Bartori AG, Kinder BN. Effects of child and adult sexual abuse on adult sexuality. Journal ofSex and Marital Therapy. 24(2) 75-
90. April-June, 1998

Beitehman JH, et aI. A review of the long-term effects of child sexual abuse. Child Abuse and Neglect. 16(1)101-118., 1992

Forbey JD, Ben-Porath YS, Davis DL. A comparison of sexually abused and non-sexually abused adolscents in a clnical
treatment facility using the MMPI-A. Child Abuse and Neglect. 24(4)557-568, Apri12000.

Gladstone GL, et aI. Implications of childhood trauma for depressed women: An analysis of pathways form childhood sexual
abuse to deliberate self-harm and revictimization. American Journal ofPsychiatry 161:1417-1425,2004

Kalichman SC, et aI. Trauma symptoms, sexual behaviors, and substance abuse: correlates of childhood sexual abuse and HN
risks among men who have sex with men. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 13(1:)1-15,2004

King M, Nazareth I. The health of people classified as lesbian, gay, and bisexual attending family practitioners in London: a
controlled study. BMC Public Health. 6:127,2007 (online)

Luterek JA, et aI. Interpersonal rejection sensitivity in childhood sexual abuse survivors. Journal ofInterpersonal Violence.
19(10):1-18,2003

10
 Klafter. Impact ofSexual Abuse

Nelson EC, et aI. Association between self-reported childhood sexual abuse and adverse psychosocial outcomes: Results from a
twin study. Archives ofGeneral Psychiatry, 59(2)139-145, February 2002.

Ozbaran B, et aI. Social and emotional outcomes of child sexual abuse: A clinical sample in Turkey, Sept, 2008.

Steel JL, Herlitz CA. Risk of sexual dysfunction in a randomly selected nonclinical sample of the Swedish population. Obstetrics
and Gynecology. 109(3)663-668

Swantson HY, et aI. Sexually abused children 5 years after presentation: A case-controlled study. Pediatrics. 100:600-608, 1997

Swantson HY, Further abuse of sexually abused children. Child abuse and Neglect, 26(2)115-127, February 2002.

Swantson HY, et aI. Nine years after child sexual abuse. Child Abuse and Neglect. 27(8)967-984. August, 2003

Van Dom RA, et aI. The effects of early sexual abuse on adult risky sexual baehaviors among persons with severe mental illness.
Child Abuse and Neglect, 29(11): 1265-1279. November, 2005.

Impact on Brain Function and

Bremner JO. Neuroimaging of childhood trauma. Seminars in Clinical Neuropsychiatry. 7(2):104-12, 2002

Bremner JO. Long-term effects of childhood abuse on brain and neurobiology. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of
North America. 12(2):271-92,2003

Bremmer JO, et aI. Neural correlates of memories of childhood sexual abuse in women with and without posttraumatic stress
disorder. American Journal ofPsychiatry. 156: 1787-1795, 1999.

Bremmer 10, et aI. MRI and PET study of deficits in hippocampal structure and function in women with childhood sexual agbuse
and posttraumatic stress disorder. American Journal ofPsychiatry. 160:924-932,2003

De Bellis MD, Keshavan MS, Clark OB, et aI. A.E. Bennett Research Award. Developmental traumatology. Part II: Brain
development. Biological Psychiatry. 45(10): 1271-84, 1999

Lee R, Geracioti Jr. TO, Kasckow JW, Coccaro EF. Childhood trauma and personality disorder: positive correlation with adult
CSF corticotropin-releasing factor concentrations. American Journal ofPsychiatry. 162(5):995-7,2005

McCullum O. Child maltreatment and brain development. Minnesota Medicine. 89(3)48-50, 2006

van der Kolk BA. Clinical implications of neuroscience research in PTSO. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences
1071:277-293. July, 2006

Effects on Medical Health

Cohen RT, et aI. Violence, Abuse, and Asthma in Puerto Rican Children. American Journal ofRespiratory and Cn'tical Care.
178(5):453-459

Dickinson LM, et aI. Health-related quality of life and symptom profiles of female survivors of sexual abuse. Archives ofFamily
Medicine. 8(1)35-43. Jauary-February, 1999.

Oube SR, Felitti VJ, Dong M, Giles WH, Anda RF. The impact of adverse childhood experiences on health problems: evidence
from four birth cohorts dating back to 1900. Preventive Medicine. 2003;37(3):268-77

Goodwin RD, Stein MB. Association between childhood trauma and physical disorders among adults in the United States.
34(3):509-520

11
 Klafter. Impact of Sexual Abuse

Romans S, et al. Childhood Abuse and Later Medical Disorders in Women. An Epidemiological Study. Psychotherapy and
Psychosomatics. 71(3):141-150, May-June, 2002

Ross CA. Childhood sexual abuse and psychosomatic symptoms in irritable bowel syndrome. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse.
14(1)27-38,2005.

Wilson SN, et al. Phenotype of blood lymphocytosis in PTSD suggests chronic immune activation. Psychosomatics, 40(3):222-
225. MaY-June-I999. 1999

Criminal Behavior and Future Sexual Offenders:

Curtis RL. et al. Outcomes of child sexual contacts: Patterns of Incarcerations from a national sample, Child Abuse and Neglect,
25(5):719-736, May 2001.

Bensley LS, et al. Self-reported abuse history and adolescent problem behaviors, I: Antisocial and suicidal behaviors. Journal of
Adolescent Health. 24:163-172: 1999

Bagley C, Wood M, Young L. Victim to abuser: mental health and behavioral sequels of child sexual abuse in a community
survey of young adult males. Child Abuse Negl. 1994; 18:683-697.

Fagan PF, et al. Pedophila. Journal ofthe American Medical Association. 288(19)2458-2465.

Hall RCW, and Hall RCW. A profile of pedophila: Definition, characteristics, of offenders, recidivism, treatment outcomes, and
forensic issues. May Clinic Proceedings. 82(4)457-471, 2007.

12
 'Ifie Awarene.5J Center, 2nc.
P. 0. BOX 65213. B8Him0f9. MD 20209
Bullying, Intimidation, Extortion Attempts
Advocating for Survivors of Sexual Violence
© (2005) Vicki Polin, MA, ATR, LCPC
I don't often speak out publicly about the daily workings of
running the only international Jewish coalition against
sexual violence. Yet the time has axne to bring certain
aspects of our work out in the open.
I want to make a point to mention that what ever it is that
those who volunteer for The Awareness Center endure, is
minor in comparison to what the survivors who contact our
organization are forced to deal with on a daily basis.
It is also vitally important to mention that the process of
bullying, intimidating and extortion of both survivors and
victim advocates is not limited to those in Jewish
communities. These sorts of behaviors are conducted by
individuals of all faiths - within their own communities.
As many of you know, The Awareness Center has extremely
limited funding and is run purely by volunteers. One of the
toughest deciSIOns our executive board had to make was to
create a waiting list to assist those who contact us.
Until we have secured enough fundin$!;. our efforts are
limited. We can only_ do our beSt to ImeI: the demand. I want
to remind you that The Awareness Center desperately needs
your time, energy and financial support.
Those who volunteer for The Awareness Center are some of
the mart dedicated and courageous individuals I have ever
rret. I want everyone to realize that prior to volunteering,
they are warned about the dangers they will face beirig
associated with our not-for-profit organization. The fact is
that each volunteer is putting theInse1ves, their family
members and friends at risk of being bullied, intimidated and
subjected to other forms of extortion.
~y? Because they are dedicated to putting an end to sexual
VIOlence.
Our volunteers understand that chamtirw: the way our
communities handle allegations of sexual~vi01ence NEEDS to
be changed immediately. They understand that our rabbis
and other comrmmity leaders do not have the education or
experience to deal with survivors or sex offenders. I hate to
say that it appears the majority of our rabbis and community
leaders have never taken issues regarding sexual violence
seriously.
The Awareness Center is the international Jewish Coalition
Against Sexual Abuse/ Assault. We are a victim advocacy
organization. We offer information and resources on topics
relating to sexual violence from a Jewish perspective. We
offer educational progr~ and a speakers bureau. We
are there for those- wno have been vicfuitized. This includes
The Awareness Center is the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault (jCASA)
www.theawarenesscenter.org
www./heawarenesscenter.cxg
(443) 857-5560
family members of both survivors and offenders (alleged and
conVicted).
The Awareness Center maintains a list of alleged and
convicted sex offenders as a small part of our web page. Our
list has been seen as controversial, yet is also something that
is necessary as an attempt to protect innocent indiVidual
from bec::orriing the next Victim. Please be aware that many
other advocacy organizations (of various faith groups) are
doing exactly the same thing we are.
In the past, The Awareness Center had several situations in
which a sex offender from one state lTIOVOO to another; and
then sought a position workin~ in a school, camp or child
care faciIi.ty. Because the indiVidual was posted on our site,
we were able to prevent another possible child from being
victimized.
The purpose of our list of Rabbis, Cantors and Other
Trusted Officials is to 'Protect innocent individuals in our
communities from beamUng the next victim of an alleged or
convicted sexual predator. Past history has shown us, that
our community leaders have done lIttle to protected us
adequately.
The past tradition in dealing with cases of sexual violence
has been to "run a sex offender out of town," With the belief
the individual would no longer be a threat to the immediate
community, yet there often there was NO warnings system in
place to the new community.
The solution in dealing with sex offenders, is NOT to run
someone out of town. The answers is for us as a community
to insure that offenders are in treatment with qualified,
licensed professionals, and that they are monitored not to
have access to those who they have a tendency to offend.
I once read some where that "it takes a village to raise a
child." The same is true for a sex offender. We rieed to devise
methods to address these serious problems. There are NO
easy answers.
Another long time tradition has been to also "chase out" not
only those wno offend, but also those who have spoken out
against an offender; especially if the alleged or convicted
offender is someone who has some sort of public standing in
the community. This "chasing out" process includes: no lon~r
allowing children to attend Jewish schools (yeshivas),
individuals or families no longer welcome at Shabbos tables,
individuals loosing their jobs, and or no longer being
allowed to pray (daven) in their synagogue, etc.
I have heard of cases where background checks were done
on the survivor, their family members and or friends. As we
all know everyone has sOmet:hing about themselves they
would not want to be made puolic. We have all made
mistakes.
Information would be gathered, and then a wamin~ would
be made,. that if the survivor didn't drop the case, either the
survivor or someone they love would be "exposed."
Would you be shocked to hear me say that these intimidation
methods NEED to cease IMMEDIATELY!
Should any of us be surprised that those who volunteer for
The Awareness Center also face these forms of harassment.
Our organization is dedicated to representing those who
have been sexually victimized. We are !peaking out against
the way our rabbis and oommunities llave been handling
allegations in the past, and because we are pressur!ng thrii
to rriake changes. We are also doing what we can to have the
needs of those who have been victimized m."I:. We are
dedicated to helping thm become much more then just
"survivors."
Would you be shocked to learn that there have been times
that various individuals offered to fund our organization,
only if we would take various convicted individuals off of
our site? Needless to say, we did not accept the terms of the
funding. We do have policies in place regarding individuals
~ removed
(http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/ policies.html).
Despite rumors, the majority of cases The Awareness Center
works with never end up on our web page of alleged and
convicted offenders. Our goal is NOT to "~ someone." Our
goal is to help survivors find the resources that are needed.
educate our oommunities and our leaders on the issues
surrounding sexual violence (including the needs of both
those who llave been victimized and those who offend), and
do our best to prevent one more person from being victimized.
Remember if you are in a minyan with 10 lTH1, statistically
two of them Will be survivors of childhood sexual abuse. H
you are.in a room with 10 women. three will also most likely
be survivors.
The Awareness Center already has more survivors then
what we can handle. We need to do what we can to prevent
anyone else from becorniJ!g the next victim of a sex crimes. We
desperately need your nelp securing grants. If you have
experience grant writing, please volunteer your time.

The Awareness Center is the Jewish Coalition Against SexUilI A1JuseIAsSQult (jCASA)
www.lheawarenesscenler.org
 'l7ie Awareness Center, lnc.
P.o. BOx 65273, BBHimore, MD 20209
Rabbis Investigation Allegations of Sex Offenders
© (2005) Vicki Polin, MA, ATR, LCPC
I feel the need to share ~ that is pretty scary. The
only way an}'thing will change IS by each person reading
this article taking action. Your voice is vitally important,
without it nothing will ever be different I'm alsO asking you
forward the following information to everyone you know.
Over the last several years, I've been hearin$ .story after
story in observant communities of allegations being made of
sexual abuse and assault (including professional sexual
misconduct and clergy abuse).
As we all know, it's extremely difficult for someone to tell
another that they have been sexually violated by a trusted
individual (alleged offenders include parents, grandparents,
teachers, camp counselors, baby-sitters, etc.). It becomes even
more difficult for a survivor to oome forward when the
alleged offender is someone respected in the community and
or is even a rabbi.
Usually if a survivor of sexual violence shares their
~rience with someone, it will be someone they believe
they can trust. What happens in the more Insulated
communities is that when a survivor makes his or her
disclosures, they will be encouraged to go to their local
orthodox rabbi for help.
Unfortunately, very few rabbis have the trainin& education
and or knowledge m how to handle these types of situations.
All too often, a survivor will walk away feeling blamed and
shamed.
There have been too ~ occurrences of someone in the
orthodox community sharing their stories and being
encouraged by their rabbis NOT to do anything; and thei1.
being toTd that the rabbi will handle the situation. There is a
serious problem when this happens. Alleged offenders often
go on and abuse and or assault someone eTse.
I personally have not rreI: one single rabbi (orthodox,
conservative, reform, traditional, etc.) who has been trained
to conduct forensic and or victim sensitive interviews. I have
also not rreI: a single rabbi who is trained in collecting
forensic evidence in cases of ~ible sex crimes. It is also
extremely rare that a rabbi, synagogue or rabbinical
organization will refer victims to the police or hire private
agencies trained to conduct forensic investigations.
We NEED to DEMAND that all rabbis should refer these
cases to the proper authorities immediately" It should be ~
to law enforcement officials to detennine If there is enou
evidence for criminal charges to be p,ressed. It should also
up to legal authorities to determine if a case is valid or not. If
tile allegations of abuse / assault are too old, rabbis need to
encourage survivors to contact their local rape crisis centers
to learn about what other options they may nave.
I want to encourage everyone to start asking the rabbis in
their community afuut the current systems they have in place
The Awareness Center is the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault (jCASA)
www.theawarenesscenter.org
www.theawarenessamter.org
(443) 857-5560
when allegations are made. Please make it a point to ask:
1. If the rabbi has personally conducted investigations of
possible sex crimes themselves?
2. If they have, what process do they go through to make a
determination if a case is valid or not?
3. If the rabbi determined the allegations are valid:
a) What happens to the alleged offender?
b) What happens to the alleged survivor?
4. If the rabbi determined the allegations were not valid:
a) What happens to the alleged offender?
b) What happens to the alleged survivor?
I've spoken to several different rabbis over the last few
years.Many have stated they can look in the eyes of someone
inaking the accusations, and can tell if they are telling the
truth or not. Several of the rabbis I've spoken to, have
detennined most cases were not valid by utilizing this
melhod.
I have also been told if a survivor has had any sort of
psychiatric history, they will usually detennine the
allegations NOT be valid. They automatically presume the
allegations are most likely a "delusion of the woman or man"
- and brush off the claims.
There have also been a few occasions where the rabbi had
told me "there was no need to conduct an investigation." The
rabbi would explain that they "personally know the accused
individual", and basically because the alleged offender is a
friend, "the allegations are false."
We as a people and as a community need to demand changes
be made iminediately. We need to demand that when an
individual makes allegations of a sex crime, that the
individual be referred immediately to a local rape crisis
center. These centers are networked with local police
departments, and can also offer legal advocacy. The majority
of rape crisis centers are more then willing to work with and
become sensitive to the needs of the orthodox community. If
you or your community need help building a bridge with
your local rape crisis center, please contact The Awareness
Center, and we will be more tIlen willing to help.
 1M Awareness Center inc. J
P. o. BOx 65273, BaHimOl9, MD 20209
When A Family Member Molests:
Reality, Conflict, and The Need For Support
(© 2003) By Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC, Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D., ncpp, and Na'ama Yehuda, MSC, SLP, TSHH
Amrng the many issues that need to be addressed when
discussing Childhood Sexual Abuse, is the rarely discussed
topic of ramily members of alleged / convicted sex offenders.
Fainily rnernbers include spouses, children, parents, siblings,
aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins, as well as close
friends.
It's a tough place to be. Think about it-what would you do
if you suspected that someone you are related to or are
friends with is being sexually inappropriate with a child?
Would you talk to hUn/her about it7Wouid you tell another
familX Irenrer or friend? Would you share it with your
rabbi? Would your rabbi know what to do? Would you
seek professional help or advice? Should you keep quiet to
protect your family nlember or sound the whistle to {'rotect
other clilldren? How would your mnmunity react If they
knew someone in your family molested? Would your
conununi!y's expected reaction iitfluence any decision you'd
make? These are just few of the numerous cIiIemmaS and
questions regularly posted to The Awareness Center.
One of our advisory board members recently received a call
from a parent of a seventeen-year-old boy. The father was
concerned that his son n:Ught be abusing a six-year old girl.
The little ~rl is the father's granddaughter and the bOy's
niece. The father wanted to protect his granddaughter out
was deeply conflicted-he didn't want to get hfs son in
trouble. Following a lengthy discussion, tl1e father was
advised to report the situation to the authorities, but out of
fear for his son chose not to, even though he was still afraid
for his ~anddaughter. Fortunately for the child (and
hopefully the teenager boy as well, who also needs help) the
father llad contacted a professional who is a mandated
ree0rter (an individual who is mandated by law to call a
chlld abuse hotline to report cases of suspected abuse), and a
report was made However, what if tl1is father contacted
someone else, someone who was not a mandated reporter, or
someone who was a mandated reporter yet decided to
overlook their legal obligation and accede to this father's
fears for his seventeen-year-old son and his promise to ~
the son away from the granddaughter? Granted, the father
may be successful in ~ing hiS grandchild safe, but by
domg so he would open the door forbis son to seek out other
victims, let alone prevent his son from getting llUJl:h needed
help.
In another case, years of allegations of sexual misconduct
have been brougJ:lt up against a rabbi from a prominent
family. The first allegations were made when he was a still
teenager-individuals close to a family member reported that
one of the yet-to-be-rabbi younger siblings claimed to have
been sexually victimized~ him and a group of his friends in
a gang rape. The all offenders ana alleged victim's
parents were aware of e situation, yet nothing was done to
protect other children from future haim. Given that this case
happened years ago, appropriate treatment for the alleged
The Awareness Center is the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault qCASAJ
www.theawarenesscentei.org
(443) 857-5560
offender(s) may not have been available. However, the
parents might nave still been able to find ways to help their
son stay away from children. They did not, and somelears
later tlie same alleged offender, now a rabbi, worke at a
school, putting innocent children at risk, and allegedly
continuing to molest. Once again, his parents kept his alleged
past offenses quiet, choosing to protect their son and by
doing so discrediting his victims. An agreement was
reportedly made, where the "alleged sex offending" rabbi was
to never be allowed a teaching position again. However,
twenty years later the rabbi unilaterally reversed the
agreement. and now there are new alleged victims. Did the
family members (parents, siblings and dose friends) of this
alleged offender have a moral obligation to speak out and
protect others, given their awareness of his past? Do they
have a moral obligation to speak now? Does a family
1IBI1ber who knowingly keeps quiet carry {'art of the
responsibility for future victimization by theIr kin?
A neighbor of a seventeen-year old girl contacted The
Awareness Center. The neighbor was haunted by an
experience that happened a few years ago. The W-l, Whom
we'll call "Marcy", Used to baby-sit for the neighbor's two
younger children on a regular oasis from the time she was
twelve to about fifteen. The neildtbor told us that she had
suspected the girl was d~ressed'for some time, but couldn't
quite put her finger on wliat was wrong. She'd tried talking
to Marcy many times, yet Marcy never disclosed anythin~.
One evening, Marcy came banging on that nei~bors
backdoor, begg!ng to be let in. Marcy was barefoot (there
was snow on the ground), and was squinting and couldn't
see (she usually wore either glasses or contacts, but didn't
have either on that night). The neighbor let her in. Marcy ran
to the windowless Oasemenf. stating again and again, 'illy
father's afterme", "he's going to kill rre'~ '1 don't know what
to do or where to go!" Marcy went on to tell the neighbor
about her father's violent temper and disclosed that her
father took her shoes, glasses, and contact lenses, and sent
her to her room. She saii:i that her father had been hitting her
and that she was afraid he'd crme back to her bedrooin to
continue. The neighbor told us that she'd felt in a
bind-wanting to help Marcy, but not knowing what to do.
lt was obvious to her that the girl was terrorize a and needed
a respite.
About ten minutes later, Marcy's father came knocking on the
door. The neighbor answered the door, but lied and told the
father that sIle was unaware of Marcy's whereabouts, and
that she'd tell him if Marcy should crme by. The father left
and the neighbor asked Marcy if she had a relative who
would helpner. Marcy called her aunt and uncle, who came
together.
A few years later, this neighbor heard rumors that the
seventeen-year old girl had attempted suicide. She also
learned tnat there were allegations of childhood sexual
abuse. The neighbor felt guilty for not making a report to the Do you know of a family member or friend of an alleged or
child abuse hotline in her state the night Marcy came seeking convicted sex offender? It is critical that you don't turn your
refuge in her house. She wonders if making the call would backs on them. They need your support. Put yourself in their
have gotten Marcy the help she needed. st~ the abuse, place. If you were one, what would you need?
and prevented Marcy from getting so desperate that she tried
to end her life. The spouse of an alleged and I or convicted sex offender may
need financial support while the offender is in prison and or
A forth case comes to mind: a rabbi pled guilty to attelnJ>ted treatment If there are children in the horre, !:he non-abusive
child endangennent charges after being caugl:lt in a police spouse may have to keep them away from the offender to keep
Internet sex sting operation. Authorities said that this rabbi them safe. Can you imagine the feelings of anger, shame, ~t,
struck up a conversation with a police detective posing as a and fear that the non-offending parent will need to deal
13-year-old girl after entering an on-line chat room called '1 with?
Love Older Men." The rabbi was arrested and is currently in
therapy, having pled guilty as part of a plea deal to aVOId a Every member of a family of all~ and I or convicted sex
prison sentence of up to four years. He is slated to be offenders will need the community's emotional, financial, and
sentenced this month (October, 2(03) to five years probation spiritual support. And what a difference such support can
with treatment and registration as a sex offender. This rabbi make in the healing Erocess of non-offending family members;
is married and has a young child. What support system is in versus Ihm being Shunned for their "association" with a
place to hel£ his wife and child? If the rabbi was ready to sexual predator and I or for helping to stop the abuse... If
have sex WIth a 13-year-old child, is his own child safe in su~rt is offered more cases would be rep<?rted and
his home? The conVIcted rabbi isn't in prison-where does su ently more children will be ~t safe and those who
he stay? Does his neighbors know about his criminal have ady been victimized will get tfie help they need.
behavior? Are the childien in that axnmwlity safe? What
protocols had been put in place to ensure that these There is no doubt that we all have a moral obligation to help
Iffi~t issues are Deing addressed? What should be his stop abuse so that offenders cease to victimize and the
standing as a member of the community, as part of a Minyan? victims receive the healing they deserve. It is our obligation
to report abuse and protect the children. Whether we Know
It is interesting that family members are usually not the oHender or not, hiding, denying and covering up his or
mandated to report a relative whom they suspect is a sex her actions make us accomplices to the crime. A.t the same
offender. Professionals who are mandated re~rters have a time/ the pain of having a family member or friend who is a
dear requirement: the law states that if there is any sex offender has to be one of the hardest pains to bear. How
reasonable cause to suspect abuse, the mandated reporter can one be ~ed to report an abusive family member and
must report. When it comes to family members, the conflict of not only lose their previous image of this person, but also
interest is easy to understand, but the question still their place in the community? It is also our moral obligation,
remains-even without a legal obligation, isn't there a moral as a community, to offer a holding environment (not shunning
obligation to protect children from fieing victimized? and shame) for all families tom by abuse-those of the
victims, and that of the offender.
Dealing with sex offenders and their family members
presents complex ethical issues. What can be llarder than
being the mother or the father of a sex offender? Denial is
deafly the first line of defense, because who in their right
mind wants to believe that their offspring, someone they love
and care for, could hurt a child? How can a parent even
think of supposedly relinquishing their instinct to protect
their child 6y reporting him or her to the authorities1 It is a
terrible dilemma. Coula you as a parent turn y'our child over
to the police? Could you force an adult chili! of yours into
sex offender treatment? And what would friends and other
family members think if thev learned that you were the
parent of a sexual predator? A similar between a rock and a
hard place is the reality for people who are married to sex
offenders. If your spouse molestS children outside the horre,
could hel she be moles!ing yours/ too? What about the stigma
and shame if anyone learned your secret, learned that you
married/ live WIth and or bea such a person? And what
about the children of a sex offender-how would you feel if
you were one? How would you face your friends,
Schoolmates, or co-workers once your earent's criminal
behavior was made public? Would you still be allowed in
your friends' homes? Would you still have friends? Would
you and your siblings face shunning and stigma a:me
marriage age?
The dilemma isn't limited to blood relatives. What if it's a
dose friend who was charged with sex offences? A business
associate? Or even your rabbi? What is one to do?
These heartbreaking and complicated issues are real, and
need to be addresSed. We rieed to address Ihm as a
commwlity. Every sex offender has parents, family, friends
and collea~es-peoplewho are dose to him/her and are
faced with this reality, often unprepared, and in many ways,
also victimized, hurt, confused, Clisillusioned, and ashamed.

The Awareness Center is the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault I]CASAJ
 The Awareness Center, 2nc.
P. o. BOx 65273, Baltimore, MD 20209
Nobody's Child: Surviving Without A Family
© (2004) By Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC, Michael Salamon, Ph.D., FICPP, and Na'ama Yehuda, MSC, SLP, TSHH
One topic rarely discussed by survivors of childhood sexual
abuse 15 the issue of ~ through adulthood without a
family-. This very difficult reality is one that many survivors
feel aShamed of.
There are many reasons why' an adult survivor might not
have contact with their family of origJ.n. Some grew l:'P in
foster-care or were adopted into other families. Others lived
with their families during their childhood, but as adults they
felt the need to create a separation in order to heal. In other
situations survivors may have been cut off by their families
following disclosures and/or confrontations. Regardless of
the way in which the separation occurred, many Jewish
survivors end up feeling afone and confused. Many may not
have anyone close enough to tum to, or are too embarrassed
to speak about their feelings. This can be especially trying
dunng times of need.
Adult survivors are often overwhelmed by a sense of shame
when discussions of Shabbat, Holidays, or plans for other
celebrations rome up. YounKer adults may feel that everyone
but them goes ''home'' for theholidays, and often struWe with
feeling inferior to those who have homes to go to. Gomg home
mi2ht not be an option for these survivors, either because of
potential risk to their ~rsonal, emotional, and physical
safety, or because they have been disowned by family
members and are no longer welcome in their parents, siblings,
or other relatives' homes.
It is important to be aware that sometimes being invited to
another family's lure for Shabbat and oilier Simchas
(celebrations) can open up a can of worms. The experience
can be overwhelming to an adult survivor of any age. Every
family has its own set of customs and rules, jokeS, rituals,
and history, and to an outsider, adjusting can be difficult.
When someone comes from a violent family and put in to such
a situation it would not beunanunon formernories of abuse
to surface. Being with a loving family can also awaken
acute feelings of lon.&ing and jealousy. The survivor may
have to deal with ffie fact of how aifferent and painful
celebrations were for thm dUfi!lg their childhood, resulting
in an emotional reaction. which results in a deep sense of
loss and grief for what they never had nor will have.
All too often adult survivors feel a deep yearning to be
invited somewhere but are embarrassed to tell anyone. They
do not want to appear as if they are needy or ~ ana
don't want their friends to feel as if they ''have to" 6e mvited.
Some survivors might not be able to manage the kaleidoscope
of emotions that going to someone else's nouse for a holiday
or Shabbat may bring up. They may feel safer if they speni:!
the holidays alone. SOme survivors avoid the topiC of
holidays completely or make romments such as '1 don't 'do'
holidays." Ofhers might feel the need to make up a story of
where they'd been in an attempt to ward off the feelings of
shame that come with admitting that they had no where to go
The AmlTeness Center is the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault (]CASA)
www.theawarenesscenter.org
www.OIeawarenessoenter.org
(443) 857-5560
to, that no one invited them, that they are "rejects."
While Holidays are notoriously difficult for survivors, there
are other times when survivors are faced with the painful
ramifications of their abuse and/ or their disclosure of it.
If a survivor does not have a health care proxy, their parents
and then their siblings are automatically legally obligated to
make life and death aecisions for them If they are unable to.
This may not be the survivor's choice yet if they do not have
a healtll care pro?'}' si~ed prior to a medical ~cy this
is the standard hospital/medical procedure. Survivors of
childhood sexual abuse may have no one to write as a health
care proxy, no one to care for thm when they are ill, to
escort th!n to and from medical tests and appointments. A
survivor may have no one to go to when they are in need of
m~, help, or advice. They may have no one to list as "next
of kiri" on medical records or on bank notes. Can you ima~
how awkward you'd feel in their place? Can you imagine the
shame a survivor might experience?
Survivors of abuse who are cut off from their families are
orphans, ma~ not in the traditional sense of the word, but
definitely in the social and emotional sense. While we may
never be able to completely take away the feelings of loss
and gr!ef that survivors almost without fail-have to deal
with; there are ways with which we as a annmunity can
help.
One way we can assist, is by inviting the survivor into our
family's circle--by making hfm or her ~art of our holidays,
celebrations, even our sorrows--by gtving the survivor a
new family to belon~ to and be accepted by. As described
above, thiS may- be difficult for the survivor and yet it is the
best way to help them. ''Laura,'' an adult survivor of
childhood sexual abuse was regularly invited to her closest
friend's family functions. '''!he Conen's" were aware of
Laura's childhood and wanted her to feel at home with them.
Tnne and again they told her that their family was her
family, even joked that they should legally adopt her and
change her last name to Cohen. At first, Laura felt
uncoinfortable with this concer.t. She always thought of
herself as a "throwaway child,' as someone not worthy of
having a family and could not fi~ out what the Conen's
saw in her. Sfie questioned whether she could trust their
acceptance of her as real. However, with time she really felt
as irshe was a "Cohen." Within a year Laura already knew
everyone in the family: aunts, uncles, cousins, and
grandparents, and felt accepted by them all. Then something
nappened. Maybe if Laura wasn't a survivor and wasn't
tord over and over that she was part of the Cohen family, it
wouldn't have had such an impact on her. The Cohen family
had a big get together with all of the cousins, uncles, aunts,
and grancfparents, but Laura was NOT invited... She was
devastated and felt re-victimized. What the Cohen's did not
know was that Laura's estranged family of origin would
have family functions and let her know about them but If you know of someone in your community who is a
would not mvite her. Perhaps if the Cohen's had been aware survivor of childhood abuse, make it a prionty to ~ to
of this they would have made sure to invite her, too. Laura know him or her. Know that it is very likefy that be or she is
felt too ashamed to share how her family treated her. She dealing with loneliness and estrangement from their family.
was afraid that if others found out thev would believe she Put yourself in their shoes. What would you want to happen
was a horrible :r.erson. Laura never told the Cohen's how if you were lonely? Invite them for a Shabbat meaL to a
she felt. She diOO t tell them how upset she was for not being holiday celebration, to an event. Let the survivor know that
invited. She just pulled away. they are welcome in your home, that you care, that it is okay
to calIon you in time of need and that you'd do your best to
"Scott's" story is another example of a frequent issue that be there for them.
survivors deal with. His family of origin played him-he
would get invitations to family functions and events, only to Abuse causes incredible loneliness, but this loneliness need
receive a phone call ten minutes before he left the house for not continue-it is in your power to become a messenger of
the event, with a sibling saying "if you anne, then nun and healing and hope by opening your heart and home, and
dad won't anne, so pfease don't show up." He faced an teachi:ii:g others around you to do the same. Together, your
excruciating dilemrna-ifhe told anyone about the event (i.e., oommunity can heal the hidden wound of being NobOdy's
his sister's wedding, his nephew's birth) he would then have Child.
to admit that he never went to the event He often ended up
feeling like he needed to lie and say that he was "too sick
with stomach flu" to go. How coUld he say that he was
suddenly asked not to come and not feel ashamed that he was
unwanted, and not feel guilty for making his family appear
terribly cruel? If "Scott"haa an alternate family, a lriiie in
the community where he felt he was welcomed and accepted,
his family's manipulations would not have beeri as
devastating. Scott would still need to deal with the fact they
toyed witFi him but would not be d~ent on them for
acceptance and community. He would have other events and
celebrations and holidays to participate in as a deserving
equal. He might even muster the courage to confront his
fainily and ten them how unacceptable their behavior was
and that they need to either include him as part of the family
or leave hirri alone. He might have even been able to make the
statement that he no longer depended on them...
One of the many outcomes of the prolonged stress that comes
with trauma and abuse is that survivors often have health
Eroblems, and issues regardin~ family also mne up during
their time of medical need. "Jaruce" had to have surgery and
the doctor's office called her with pre-op directions. They
reminded her that she'd need to have "a fainily member" mne
to fick her up from the hospital. Janice was panic stricken--
shed been cut off from her relatives for a few years now...
She felt terribly embarrassed and didn't want to tell the
nurse that she had no family to bring. Janice felt that if she
~ave voice to her family situation she would admit to being a
reject" Fortunately, Janice had a good friend who was
hap'py to mne pick her up. Janice remembered a few years
earlIer, when she wasn't able to find a friend who was
available due to their work schedules. Back then. Janice had
no one to come pick her up. She was unable to find anyone to
take her to a doctor's appointment, no one to make her a cup
of tea and bring some ~ries/ no one to check on her whife
she was recovering at home. These are the realities many
survivors of child abuse face on a daily basis. How would
handle life if you had no one to tum to?
Acknowledging the reality of abuse is upsetting not just for
survivors of abuse. Many people who near aoout someone
who is a survivor feel helpless to make things better. They
don't know what they can do to help; do not want to face the
reality that even when the abuse is over, not all is well, and
survivors still face many challenges, loneliness, and pain.
However, the good news is that tFiere IS a way to help and
there IS a way to make a significant change for the better in a
survivor's life. Survivors are often "orphaned" by their
family/ but yours can bring than~ and give thana place
to call home. This doesn't mean that you need to take
responsibility for the survivors-many survivors are more
than able to care for themselves (after all, thev made it
through the abuse part...) but it does mean to offer hiendship
and support.

The Awareness Center is the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault qCASA)
www.theawarenesscenter.org
 'Ifie Awareness Center, inc.
P. O. BOx 65273, aaJ6more, MD 20209 www.the8WarenesscenteiOfg
(443) 857-5560

The Mikvah - Suggested Protocols to Protect Minors

© (2006) By The Awareness Center, Inc.

Background Information:
The "Mikvah" IS a ritual pool of water, used for the purpose of attaining ritual purity. Immersion in a Mikvah is performed for
the following main purposes:
• in connection with Repentance, to remove the impurity of sin.
• in connection with Conversion.
• the ritual act that divides two periods of time - the period of separation when marital relations are forbidden, because
the wife is in the state of "niddah;' and the period ofunion when such relations are not only permissible but regarded as
essential to a healthy marriage.

The laws of purity and impurity apply to both IIHl. and women. In ancient times when the Temple stood in Jerusalem it was
required of everyone to be pure prior to enterinei the Temple or when eating holy foods. Therefore, Doth men and women (married
and single) woUld use the Mikvah regularly-if they wiShed to enter the Temple. During excavations at Masada a mikveh was
found. l>uring excavations in Jerusalem there even were mikvah's found in pnvately owned homes.
The use of the Mikvah is a vitally important aspect of the Torah observant lifestyle and something that is extremely sacred. In
the Hassidic community there is a custom of both. men and boys going to the mikvah every day, especially prior to Shabbat and
holidays. Unfortunately, there have been reports of boys being molested at a mikvah. For this reason The Awareness Center, Inc.
is suAAeSting that the following five basic protocols lie adopted by all communities as an attempt of preventing one more child
from being limned.
1. All men should be required to wear a towel around their mid section when not in the shower or in the Mikvah.
2. Children under the age of 14 must be accompanied by their parent. H this is not possible a credible supervisor must be
present.
3. Special times be established for boys between the a~ 14 - 18. There should always be at least one trustworthy adult
attendant present who will be responsible to be sure the boys don't get out of hand with each other.
4. Undera~ boys should not be exposed to the nudity of adult men. There is a custom in some communities that a boy cannot
see his father's naked body, nor a son-in-law seeing his father-in-law naked. The father does not have to be immersing
himself at the Ir£IJelI: in order to supervise his son. Another suggestion is that a substitute supervisor can be arranged
with the signed consent of the parent.
5. There has been recent discussion that a mens mikvahs adopt the same policies as the women's mikvahs in which there is
privacy. When an individual goes to the mikvah, the pU!J>05e is for purification, and connecting with G-d. This spiritual
task is compromoised when the environment becomes a tlireatening place for boys.

References:
www.mikvah.org
www.askmoses.com
www.ou.org

The Awareness Center is the Jewish Coalition Against SexUIlI Abuse/AsSlIult (JCASA)
www.theawarensscenter.org
 WARNING
Survivors of various forms of sexual violence
(childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault,
clergy abuse, Erofessional sexual misconduct
and sexual harassment) often want to
disclose their experiences, confront their
Questions to Ask Yourself peryetrators, and I or speak-out about their
Before Disclosing, victimization. This is dore in an attempt to
try to help educate the public. Often the urge
Confronting or Going Public to share personal information about one self
occurs during various stages of healing.
About Surviving Sexual
If you are considering speaking out PLEASE
Violence review the many questions listed in this
© (1992, revised 2006) Vicki Polin pamphlet. You may also want to refer to 'The
Courage to Heal" (by Laura Davis and Ellen
Bass) and 'The Courage to Heal Workbook"
(by Laura Davis). It is also hilclUy sugs;ested
that you consult with your lamily, mends
and or therapist prior to speaking
engagements.
Unfortunatel~ reality is that our society
has NOT very accepting and / or
understanding to the various Issues faced !>y
many adult survivors of sexual violence. The
majority of the survivors who have
confronted individuals, and/or have gore
public - shared that they had negative
experiences after sharing their abuse
histories with others. These survivors have
all beenmet with disbelief - been considered
If you thinking about going public, It Is
Important to consider how you are going
to do It.
1. Are you going to use your real narre or a
pseudonym?
2. Will you wear a disguise of some sort?
3. Will you be paid? How much?
4. If you are going on television will the
producer of the show ~ in writing to
use a comP!lter and distort both your voice
and face (this is strongly suggested for the
beginner)?
5. Will you have to sign a contract or an
agreement? What wilr it say? It is strongly
s.uggested you read the agreement BEFORE
the Clay you are supposecfto speak-out (and
if possitile have an attorney review it too)!
6. Will your attempt to educate the public
cause harm to your credibility? Are you
allowing yourself to be exploited?

~
to be crazy, hysterical and/or delusional. 7. Will it hurt you in your present or future
Too often survivors state that after the career, social life, family life (including
disclosures, they felt that they have lost a your spouse and children)"?
level of credibility.
We, as survivors can not be responsible for
'IIie Awarent'SJ Center, inc. the reactions of others. What we can do is
take control of our actions and be prepared
/tie inl8mallonal Jewish C _ Against sexual Abu_Assault for the outcome if we decide to snare our
P.O. Box 65273, Baltimore, MD 21209 histories with others. It is vital for each
www.theawarenesscenter.org individual decide for him/her self, and be
443-857-5560 sure that they are not being pressured to
going \,ublic. This is a reminder that once you
Share information about yourself - you can
NOT take it back!
 The Following are some questions you can ask
yourself to lielp you make up your mind if
disclosing, confronting and/or going public is
right for you.

Directions: Answer the following questions on a

separate piece of paper. think about the following
questions and your answers. Share your responses
with at least one trusted support person. Ask for
Feedback! BEFORE you disclose and/or confront
someone.
1. Whom do I want to tell? Why?
2. Is someore or something internally / externally
pressuring Ire to disclose my abuse history or
confront my perpetrator(s)? Who and / or Wfiat is
pressuring me?
3. H my plans includes going public, what are ~
motives? (It's suggestid you consider all of the
following questions before speaking in any public
forum).
4. What do I hope to gain from this disclosure
and/ or confrontationTWhat could I loose by this
disclosure and/or confrontation? Are my
expectations realistic?
10. AmI willing to take the risk of losing contact
with other family members with whom I want
to stay connected? What would that mean?
Would I deal with the loss?
11. Am I grounded and stable enough to risk
being called crazy?
12. Could I maintain my own reality in the face of
denial?
13. Can I withstand the anger that lam likely to
face from others?
14. Could I handle my own anger and/or other
feelings? How would I do tfi.at?
15. Could I handle no reaction at all?
16. Do I have a solid eno~ support system to
back Ire up before, during and after the
confrontation?
Remember: It is important that you focus on
yourself and your own personal needs before
deciding to "go disclose, confront and/or go
public. This is also true before, during and after
any confrontation. Try to remember what you
want or need to say (for your own personal
needs and not anyone else's), how you want to
handle the situation, rather thim on any
response you may hope to set. Plan to process
the confrontation and/or disclosure with your
therapist and/or trusted support person(s).
Remember, this can be an ongoing task (and
that's ok).

5. Have I thought about safety issues? What are they 17. Which suP\'Ort people al!1'eed to be available
forme? before, durmg, and after'?

6. What are my motives for confronting my

perpetrators? Do I have to be concerned about my
Safety?
7. Am I confronting my perpetrator(s) to gain
information? Can anyone else supply me witfi the
information I desire?
18. Can I realistically ~ both the worst
and best outcomes that might result? Could I
live with either one?
19. How have I prepared myself for
Confrontation and/or disclosure?
20. Other issues I've considered regarding
the •
'Ifi.e Awareness Center. lnc.
the intemallonel Jawi"" Coellion AgeiMt Sexual AbuwAssacBl
P.O. Box 65273, Baltimore, MD 21209
www.lheawarenesscenter.org
8. Would I be risking something I still want from my confronting or disclosing my abuse to others. 443-857-5560
family (i.e. financial and / or emotional su,?port,
inheritance, employment in family busmess,
other)?

9. Could I live with the possibility of being excluded

from family gatherings (i.e. I-folidars, Weddings,
Deaths in my family...)? What would that mean to
me? How would I deal with the loss?
Gmail - (no subject) Page 1 of3

asher Iipner <lipnera@gmail.com>

(no subject)
1 message

asher Iipner <lipnera@gmail.com> Tue, Sep 16, 2008 at 2:41 PM

To: Me <Iipnera@gmail.com>

Community SafetyTrainings about Molestation

1. How does someone become a molester?
a) There are no isolated cases; who molested the molester?
b) Their numbers are increasing exponentially - effecting far
too many frum families
2. Victims must be encouraged to go to the police (if the police
are not politically controlled by community leaders) or other higher
law enforcement officials. Offenders need the full weight of the
criminal justice system to manage their behavior. Offender
Management Systems are now popping up around the country. The
recidivism rate for offenders not treated in this way is extremely high
(K.A Herman, Assoc. Dir., DV Programs, Center for Court Innovation,
NY).
3. Families with a legacy of molestation will do anything to protect
The Big Lie from being exposed. The FBI estimates that only 30/0 of
child molesters have gotten caught (National Center for Missing and
Exploited Children).
4. It is important to educate people to understand that contrary to
popular belief, most molesters are not sinister-looking men in dark
raincoats. On the contrary, they appear respectable, and they usually
have prestige and support in their communities.
5. The overwhelming majority of molesters are not strangers to
the children they molest. They are usually family members,
neighbors, the children's teachers, etc. and they are usually very
charming people who groom not only the children, but also their
parents, in order to win their trust, and increased time alone with the
children. A definitive work on the subject, Identifying Child Molesters
by Dr. Carla van Dam, is an invaluable resource for parents to learn
how to protect their children much more effectively, by providing
parents with the tools needed to recognize the patterns of offenders.

http://mail.google.com/maiV?ui=1&ik=cfd152824c&view=pt&th=11c6c77fee7ela3a&sea... 9/16/2008
GmaiI - (no subject) Page 2 of3

6. The harm molestation causes:

1. A deep and lasting distrust
2. Teens going off the derech (because of "respected" frum
molesters: Project YES)
3. Destroying innocent children's lives. How many aveiros are
worse than this? Where is the outrage when molestation occurs in
a frum environment?
7. Molestation in our communities is a HUGE Chilul Hashem.
Encouraging it to continue by keeping the victims quiet and
marginalized, covering up the abuse, and thereby enabling it to
multiply without control, creates a far greater Chilul Hashem. The
frum world is/can become more infested than the outside world
because we have been covering it up with a religious veneer. The
outside world understands, and they are standing up to it- if we
continue to "keep kosher" but allow our children to be severely
damaged, what kind of "kashrus" is that?
8. Anyone who worries about getting involved with this messy
stuff and therefore shrugs off the victims and this "dirty" subject, is
effectively helping to stamp out Hashem's name, by allowing this
behavior to multiply in a breeding ground of darkness and silence.
9. There are no Eidim for the victims, since molestation is done
privately. So, does that mean we should do nothing to prevent
innocent lives from being destroyed? Encourage investigations by
authorities when allegations are made, educate children about this
sensitive subject in appropriate ways, and also be proactive by
educating our adult community to recognize the disarming grooming
patterns of offenders who are in our midst. Prevention training is
essential.
10. What does Hashem want? Would Hashem want His children
saved from this great spiritual scarring? Who will be held
accountable in the end of days if we do not heed His pure children?

This is a succinct rhyme that may be helpful to parents:

Here are signs to protect our children from danger:

In 950/0 of cases, the molester's not a stranger.
He's someone you know. And respect. He's disarming.
He is drawn to children. And he's awfully charming.

May we all work together to bring light and healing.

http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=I &ik=cfd152824c&view=pt&th=11 c6c77fee7e1a3a&sea... 9/16/2008


Rachel Lev has been
a psychotherapistfOr over
twenty-jive years. She
has counseled individuals,
,-ouples,families, and
groups within a van'ety
ofsettings, Including pri-
'vate prac-tice. The majority
ofher clinical work has
been 'WIth adult survivors
ofdJildhooJ loss or trauma.
2002
· 304 pages
· 31 illustratIons
· appendices
· notes
· bIbliography
· .ndex
Return order form to:
Nonheastern University Press
C/O CUP Services
Box 6525
Ithaca, NY 14851
Tel: 1-800-666-2211
Fax: 1-800-688-2877
www.nupress.neu.edu
Shine the Light: Sexual Abuse and Healing zn the Jewish C07ll7ll1l1l It\'
T his is an extraordinary journey into the stories,
minds, and hearts of adult Jewish survivors of
sexual abuse and incest. Rachel Lev, a therapist and
incest survivor, blends her own experiences with
those of other survivors, and reflects upon their
personal relationships to the Jewish community,
which can ei ther encourage denial or be a place of
healing. Shine the Light emphasizes healing, which
Lev believes can come about through self-expres-
sion, creativity, and, above all, feeling connected not
isolated. The book offers the rare opportunity for
the survivors to speak for themselves, through first-
hand accounts, poetry, and artwork, beautifully
reproduced in color.
SEXUAL ABUSE
AND HEALING IN THE
The twenty-two contributing authors and artists JEWISH COMMUNITY
identify themselves along the spectrum from "just
Jewish" to Orthodox and represent a wide range RACHEL LEV
of professions and ethnic backgrounds. In these
accounts we meet, for example, Elizabeth, who
overcame a disabling fear of people brought on by tradition, and rituals that include the thoughts 01
years of sexual abuse; Hadass G., who found draw- rabbis, community leaders and survivors. The book
ing to be part of her healing process; Hillary, who, concludes with appendices of information for sur-
as a result of chronic stress- related illnesses, was vivors seeking help and for family, friends, protes-
forced to face her history of abuse; and Jerome, a sionals, and religious communities who wish [0
survivor of maternal sexual abuse who struggles reach out to them.
with issues of trust.
Taking an innovative and sensitive approach lLl WhJI
Sexual abuse occurs in all cultures, but Lev explains has long been an unspeakable ordeal to so manv.
the particular difiiculties for the Jewish community Shine the Light builds a sense of community. I I teUs
in acknowledging the problem, given its long history survivors that they are not alone and helps everYQne
of victimization and its need for positive self- from family to therapists to religious leaders under-
images. The author also reveals Judaism to be rich stand their role in the healing process and, ultimately,
in resources for healing as she explores Jewish law, in preventing these violations from happenmg
Order Form
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"The chapters of Shine the Light give
sensitive, insightful and meaningful voices
to the real issues of domestic abuse in the
Jewish community, voices that have been
whispered, hushed or silent for too long.
This book is a great contribution toward
proving that we are a better and more
responsible community when we face hard
issues, not when we ignore them. A book for
all Jews of all affiliations and backgrounds."
-Rabbi Mark Dratch, Congregation
Agudath Sholom
"Shine the Light reminds us it doesn't take
magic to prevent violence, to help people
heal, to create true community. It takes
hard work and the courage of people to
speak out. The moving stories and art by
sexual abuse survivors put a face to the
issues. It inspires us to get past our denial
and silence, to work to make sure every
home is a safe home. It reminds us there is
work to do in our homes, schools and syna-
gogues and gives some ideas about things
we can do. Read it. Talk about it. Give it
to your rabbi."
-Esta Soler, President, Family Violence
Prevention Fund
For more information, visit www.shine-the-light com
"From my experience as a physician I
know our lives are stored in both our
minds and bodies. In order to heal one
must look within and confront the dark-
ness. By releasing it one makes room for
light and love to enter so healing can begin.
Shine the Light is an excellent guide to
starting on the path of enlightenment and
healing the abuse and wounds of the past."
-Bernie Siegel, M.D., author of
Love, Medicine, & Miracles
and Prescriptions for Living
"Rachel Lev's book describes one person's
painful story with power and poignancy.
The author assures us that there is hope for
victims of such torment. Lev recognizes the
role of the community in the healing
process. She teaches all of us that by help-
ing to provide the social context for this
process, we can all be part of the solution
to this tragic, but not uncommon problem."
-Rabbi Dr. Tzvi Hersh Weinreb,
Exeuctive Vice President, Union of
Orthodoxfewish Congregations ofAmerica