THE INTERVENTION

Written by Jack Melling

Int. The day is Sunday 10th July. Three days before Rupert Murdoch decided to close down The N ews of the World and let the CEO of News International Rebekah Brooks keep her job. This move stunned and perplexed many.

Rupert Murdoch joins his son James in the UK. James meets Rupert by his house in Mayfair and they enter together. They walk down the long corridor before entering a room. The lights turn on and Rupert is confronted by fiv e family members, a doctor and two of his assistants.

Elizabeth: Hi dad.

Rupert looks around at the family members, the doctor a nd two of his assistants.

Rupert: Whats going on?

Elizabeth: We need to talk Dad.

Rupert: What about?

Elizabeth: You know what about.

Elizabeth looks over at the flatscreen TV where Rebekah Brooks is being shown with Rupert walking side -by-side.

Lachlan: This has gone on for too long Dad. Its time we stop it now.

Rupert looks around at James and his w ife Wendi looking confused and vulnerable.

Rupert: Wendi? James? Whats going on?

James stays silent looking down on the ground solemnly.

Wendi: Im sorry dear, but this has gone on too long.

Rupert: What? I dont understand.

Elizabeth: We all know Dad, its ok.....

Rupert looks at her confused.

Elizabeth: We all know you have a ginger fetish.

Rupert looks at Elizabeth shocked.

Elizabeth: This is an intervention Dad. The ginger fetish was ok at first. We all accepted it as part of your personality. But over the past few days, its become apparent that this ginger fetish has affected your business decision making. Why would you close down a newspaper to save one ginger wom ans job? Because youre obsessed with them. When youre around her, you cant help yourself. You dont look like a ruthless billionaire businessman; you look like a teenage boy that s got his first erection .

James (pats Rupert on the back ): Its ok Dad. Youre in a safe place.

Rupert: But James you were with me. We made that decision to close the News of the World together, dont you remember?

James: Oh Father!

I see the ginger fetish is even making you forget

things. Dont you remember what really ha ppened?

Rupert: (Long pause) Im sorry can you repeat the question.

James: I said dont you remember what really happened?

Rupert: (Long pause) I dont know. Im not really involved in the day to day running of News International.

James: You said that if Rebekah resigned then you would cut your balls off. Dont you remember that?

Rupert: (Long pause) No.

James: We had to keep Rebekah; we didnt want you cutting your balls off. Wendi loves your balls, dont you Wendi?

Wendi nods in agreement.

James: So we went along with it. We got rid of The News of the World and kept Rebekah to keep your balls intact. But the problem is, your balls arent intact Dad. Everyone used to think you were an evil megalomaniac , but now they think youre an evil megalomaniac with no balls, because you didnt make the right decision. This is unhealthy for News Corp and for you.

Rupert: (Long pause) I have no recollection saying that.

Elizabeth: Dad, this is Tom Watson, a D octor who specialises in severe cases of ginger fetish. He has a few questions to ask you.

Rupert: Who?

Tom Watson: Mr Murdoch, when did you first become aware of your ginger fetish?

Rupert: (Long pause) Im sorry, can you repeat the question?

Tom Watson: When did you, Rupert Murdoch, first b ecome aware of your ginger fetish?

Rupert: (Long pause) To my knowledge I have never had a ginger fetish.

Tom Watson: Ok, well how else do you explain your decision to fire 250 members of staff at The News of the World and keep Rebekah Brooks?

Rupert looks to James for reassurance.

James: My father made this decision because he has a problem. He will do anything for gingers, even if it means closing down an entire newspaper to save their skin.

Tom Watson: Im sorry James; I was asking your father a question. Your time will come later. (Turns to Rupert ) Mr Murdoch, could you explain your decision to fire 250 members of staff at The News of the World and keep Rebekah Brooks?

Rupert looks around the family for reassurances b ut says nothing and shrugs his shoulders .

Tom Watson: Mr Murdoch, could you please answer the question?

Rupert: (Long pause) No.

Tom Watson (sighs): Mr Murdoch, I have a statement from your wife Wendi about your ginger fetish. Do you want me to read it out?

Rupert Murdoch looks at Tom Watson confused.

Tom Watson: She said the following.....

Wendi: No, Tom. Let me read it.

Tom Watson: Ok Wendi, the floor is yours.

Wendi: Thank you Tom.

Wendi gets out a pre -prepared statem ent on paper.

Wendi: Rupert, from the moment I met your money...I mean you, I knew you were the one. For some reason, the way you ran your Empire as a ruthless dictator with an ill-feeling towards any form of human rights or opposition really resonated we ll with me and my fellow Chinese people. At first our marriage was great, we made love two , maybe three times a year, but since Rebekah Brooks became the CEO of News International things changed.....

Wendi starts crying. Elizabeth goes over to hug her.

Tom Watson: Would you like me to continue Wendi?

Wendi nods in agreement while sobbing.

Tom Watson (takes the piece of paper away from Wendi ): ....things changed. You seemed distant. The office was surrounded by pictures

of ginger women. Geri Haliwell, Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson, Bianca from EastEnders, the assistant from Doctor Who, Beaker from The Muppets and Rebekah. Initially I thought this wasn t serious, so stood by you as the images of ginger icons increased but then things got weird.

Wendi continues to sob in the background.

Tom Watson ( turns to Wendi ): I can stop Wendi if you want?

Wendi (crying): No, please continue.

Tom Watson: You made me dress up as a ginger round the house. I had to wear a wig everyday or else you would get angry. You said that if I didnt wear a ginger wig, you would put a story in one of your newspapers about me being a former prostitute and o n Fox News about me sleeping with a socialist, Muslim terrorist called Barack Obama. This made me nervous and worried for my well-being. I love you Rupert, but this cannot continue. You need help. You have a ginger fetish.

Tom Watson pauses as everyone takes in Wendis statement.

Tom Watson: How does that make you feel Mr Murdoch?

Rupert: (Long pause) I may have said those things. I cant really remember.

Tom Watson: Look at your wife, shes crying Mr Murdoch. Cant you see the damage youre causing to peoples lives?

Rupert: (Long pause) No.

Tom Watson: Elizabeth would like to read a statement now.

Rupert turns around and goes to leave the room. James stops him.

James: No Dad. Please, listen to her.

Rupert turns around and looks at Elizabeth. Elizabeth gets out her statement and begi ns to read from it.

Elizabeth: As you have already heard from Wendi, your problem has got worse over time. However, I was with you at the start of it.

Ever since I was a little child, I have fe lt as though you have resented me for not being ginger. I saw the look of disgust and anger in your eyes when you looked at me and saw, instead of curly ginger locks, hideous blonde flowing hair. I noticed that you alw ays seemed more interested Rebe kah than me. Treating her like the daughter you wished you had. Wining and dining her all the time while starring into her mop of ginger hair. You never seemed interested in me; you never wined and dined me Dad. Over the years I constantly asked myself these questi ons Why does my Dad hate me? What have I done wrong? But now I know there was nothing Ive done wrong. The only thing I couldve done right was dye my hair ginger and I just simply cant do that for anyone let alone you. You have a problem Dad, please se ek help.

Elizabeth immediately starts crying. Lachlan goes to hug her as Rupert stands in silence looking around his family and friends .

Tom Watson: Dont you see how much hurt you have caused to these people over the years Rupert? Dont you see the pain suffered as a result of your obsession with gingers? theyve

Rupert: (Long pause) No.

James (to Rupert): Dont you remember dying my hair ginger Dad? All the kids laughed at me for weeks. Dont you realise how much pain and hurt that caused me?!

Tom Watson lets out a snigger, along with the two

assistants.

James: I was known as ginger pubes for two years of my life! trauma gave me this weird American accent.

The

Tom Watson and the two assistants let out another snigger.

Elizabeth: Do you rememb er the first question you asked Rebekah Dad?

Rupert: (Long pause) I do not recall this.

Elizabeth: The question you asked was Does the carpet match the curtains? She didnt know what to say so just answered Yes and she was appointed The News of the W orld Editor instantly. You hadnt even read her articles. Do you even know what she did before you appointed her as editor?

Rupert shrugs.

Elizabeth: She was a secretar y, not a journalist . You appointed a secretary as the editor and all because she was a ginger.

Rupert looks at her blankly.

Elizabeth: Dont you unders tand how this ginger fetish is a ffecting your business decisions?

Rupert: (Long pause) Sure I like gingers, but Im complet ely unaware of it being a problem .

Elizabeth starts crying.

Tom Watson: Denying something that is obviously true is a dangerous game Mr Murdoch. Please just admit it. Just admit you have a ginger fetish.

Rupert: But you mustve all known about this for ages. Why did you wait until now to confront me?

Tom Watson: They were scared Mr Murdoch. We all we re. But now enough is enough and you have to accept your ginger fetish. Were taking you away Mr Murdoch and getting you to face up to your problem.

Rupert: Taking me away? You cant do this? James, they cant do this (turns to James).

Tom Watson: Im afraid we can Mr Murdoch. Your family has signed you off to rehab where you will undergo an extensive treatment to resolve the ginger fetish . programme

Rupert: No! You cant do this! Ill sort this problem out. Ill publish apologies in newspapers. Go to a public committee. Ill even close down another newspaper.

Tom Watson: Im afraid this just wont cut it on this occasion Mr Murdoch. Were taking you away. Never again wil l people face your tyranny. Never again will p eople feel the wrath of your ginger obsession. Were giving you help Mr Murdoch, were sorting you out.

The two assistants grab Rupert and lead him away. Elizabeth and Wendi continue to cry. Lachlan and James go to hug both of them.

Rupert: No, please. P lease dont.

Elizabeth: Im sorry Dad.

James: Its ok Dad, Dr. Watson will look after you now.

Tom Watson puts his arm around Rupert as the assistants hold him.

Tom Watson: Dont worry well look after you Mr Murdoch.

Rupert (looks around at his family before looking down at the ground solemnly): This is the most humble day of my life.

The assistants place a Hannibal Lector mask around Ru pert Murdochs head before putting him in a straight jacket and wheel ing him away out of the room and into a white van at the back. As this happens

the whole family start hug ging each other while sobbing .

Ends