Advertise Here 10

A last Ditch attempt to save our CV's Published Monthly

www.thefoxnewspaper.co.uk editor@thefoxnewspaper.co.uk Twitter: @thefoxnews

Issue 1 - Freshers fever.

PARTIAL JOY AS THOUSANDS ARRIVE AT THEIR SECOND CHOICE UNIVERSITY

Thousands of new Freshers arrived at the University of Essex's Colchester campus this week after narrowly missing their oer at UEA, Sussex, Leicester or Kent. A sense of mild disappointment was to be found amongst most. 'It'll do' said Ali Gavana, 19 from East London. 'I only put it as my insurance, but I suppose I don't have much choice now. Its either accept my oer here or apply next year and pay 9 grand.' Prof. Brooks from the Psychology department described the problem as recurrent. 'It usually stops after a few weeks once everyone has settled in, but I can certainly observe some of my students staring out of the window during a seminar, wishing that they hadn't buggered up that nal maths paper and dreaming of life at Sheeld.'

RABBIT IN GROUNDBREAKING PHYSICS DISCOVERY

There was great excitement at the rabbit oces this week as scientists declared that they may have discovered the answer to an important unanswered question in theoretical Physics. Dr James Nihail of Leicester University explained: 'What we have found here is really quite extraordinary, it appears that almost all the articles in the news section of the Rabbit are constructed of antimatter.' Dr Nihail and his team were rst alerted to this when visiting the university on a conference. 'I picked up a copy of the Rabbit, it didn't feel especially strange, but then i started reading the articles.' 'They were so full of nothing, I mean absolutely nothing. I read a full 2 pages of the news section and couldn't remember anything, it was like the articles didn't exist.' 'There can be no other explanation - it has to be some form of antimatter. For years we've been trying to nd out where antimatter comes from and why there is so little of it in the universe. It appears that the answer lay with a badly run student newspaper.' No-one at the Rabbit was available for comment.

Advertise Here 50

The Fox

Published Monthly

Page 2

Your Guide to the Five Eateries of Campus

Happy Days: Nowhere does high-priced, heart-attack inducing food quite like this establishment. If you have too much dignity on your shoulders at the end of the day, stop by at Happy Days to unload some. You pay for the atmosphere; out of pocket and soul - cash, cards and shame accepted. *Cards not actually accepted. Times you'll eat here: Can't be bothered to cook, when drunk, hangover breakfasts. Insider Tip: Eating here might not make you happy, but it does unquestionably serve food. Mondo: If you and your friends have a special occasion to celebrate, you might want to avoid Mondo, but try as you might, you will end up there. Mondo, Italian for World, boasts a formidable range of suspiciously Dominos-esque fastfood, but don't think Mondo is a fast-food establishment; the key dierence lies in serving times. Times you'll eat here: Lunch with friends you might not keep in touch with, Birthdays, post-lecture lunches and dates, heartbreakingly. Insider Tip: Go during Wednesday lunchtime service to see Anthony King (see top ten lecturers to watch feature, page [page number]) enjoying a Mondo's platter. ordering is not necessary. Zest: If you're in need of a more upmarket, costly but rened experience, Zest may full at least one of these criteria, depending on your denition of disposable income. Regardless of what you might think about the coee machines being the same elsewhere on campus, you can taste the dierence in the price of coee. Times you'll eat here: After lectures when you're feeling particularly exalted, all-night revision sessions in The Orangery, in 40-50 years when you bring your children to Essex on an open day, God help you. Insider Tip: Zest is one of the nicer places on campus, so disregard the author's remarks and make use of it. Blues Bar: The next place down the caf cost list from Zest, and overlooking Square 4, Blues Bar is a nice place to be, which is perhaps why it populated almost exclusively by teaching sta. The price of the drinks and cakes include products, sta costs, overheads and the studious feeling cultivated in rst years by the experience. Times you'll eat here: Between lectures, out-of-hours meetings with lecturers (see university guidelines on harassment for more information), when you're a postgraduate student. Insider Tip: Get an armchair by a window to enjoy a spot of people-watching. SU Bar: If you're after a laidback atmosphere and aordable, no-frills food, look no further than the SU Bar. With a relaxed sta, relaxed atmosphere and a relaxed attitude to serving times, the SU Bar is the ideal place to relax, if not only because being on-edge won't make it come faster. Times you'll eat here: Lazy weekends, relaxed mornings, relaxed afternoons, too relaxed to cook. Insider Tip: For a late lunch, arrive and order at around 11am for prompt service later on.

Advertise Here 50

The Fox

Published Monthly

Page 3

Lecturer of the Month: Fabian Freyenhagen

To jumpstart our feature column "Lecturer of the Fortnight", we have an interview with Fabian Freyenhagen philosophy lecturer and role-model for anyone with aspirations involving semi-deication. Fox: Please tell us your position here at the University: Fab: Philosophy dept. - Lecturer and Adonis. I assume you are the people who are here to interview me for the Rabbit, right? Fox: We are here to interview you, yes. Tell the readers about your journey to Essex: Fab: I studied PPE at Exeter College, Oxford, followed by a PhD at the University of Sheeld. I taught there for a time before moving on to Cambridge. I now work here at Essex, standing as a shining beacon to the students that aspire to be academically successful and awesome. It wasn't this way in my day; I had no role models for my rise to greatness. Okay, I'll rephrase my question: is this going to be in the Rabbit newspaper and not some other publication? My agent will kill me if this features anywhere reputable. Fox: You mean you weren't always this awesome? Fab: Well, I certainly wasn't always the stallion I am today. And okay, now you are just ignoring my question about whether or not you are from The Rabbit; judging from your adequate note taking I doubt you are. Fox: Our readers will love that comment. How did your subject matter help the transformation? Fab: Love the fact that I insulted the rabbit? Meaning that you aren't from the Rabbit? ...Oh forget it, I shall follow the Skeptics and suspend judgement to achieve tranquillity. Kantian philosophy is a prime example of what one awesome man can achieve. I also harbour an interest for 19th century political philosophy. I suppose something in Mill's analogy of greatness being unable to t into the Dutch Canal whilst being better suited to the wide, deep Niagara really resounded with me. Fox: You are the rst lecturer to have been interviewed for this publication because of your great reputation amongst students. What made you want to be in the position you are in now? Fab: "This publication" Are you deliberately avoiding naming what publication you are from? It's not that embarrassing being from the Rabbit; 2:2 English Literature Students need something to help them compete with real graduates. To answer your question; Philosophy is a dying art, and with good reason: The ratio of Germans to unanswered questions is miniscule. The injection of German eciency into the application of critical thought has, and will continue to result in those questions that have plagued humanity for millennia being answered. Speaking of being answered, don't think I've forgotten because I haven't. Fox: Now the Philosophy department is renowned for choosing Top Bar as an after lecture venue do you have a special drink order there? Fab: Spiced Rum; neat, with one ice cube. If I'm at home I make my ice cubes using birch sap with a mint leaf suspended inside. I call this the Fabianite. It is copyrighted. Fox: What do you have in store for the next year? Fab: For now, my main concerns are retaining my position as the alpha-male of the philosophy department. What with David McNeill attending the Lyceum, and James Rodwell making waves with his expert oratory skills and rhetoric on the alternative works of Kierkegaard, staying the top dog has become a full time distraction. I'm not, however, worried about Dan Watts. Little bitch. Fox: Where do you see yourself in ve years? Fab: I don't hypothesise; I'm a philosophy lecturer. Fox: Tell us something about yourself that students do not already know. Fab: I'm an excellent dancer; my main area is Flamenco, but I also enjoy ballroom. I displayed a talent for ballet, and had I not opted for my current job, I would be on tour with the all-male ballet troop 'Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo', however it's not truly where my heart lies. Fox: Any nal words of wisdom for the column? Fab: Always make sure your interviewer is who they say they are. Wise words indeed from one of our favourite lecturers. From all of us at the Fox (Fab: I knew you were trying to avoid the question!) and on behalf of all students at the university, we genuinely appreciate the professionalism, commitment and enthusiasm Prof. Freyenhagen shows to all students who come into contact with him.

The Fox

Published Monthly

Page 4

Top Five Lecturers

Patrice Maniglier - Formerly a Philosophy lecturer at the hyper elite cole Normale Suprieure, Patrice is just about the most french man alive. The Odd, yet workable fashion sense, incredible accent, enthusiasm and strange class antics all contribute. His personal favourite philosopher is Satre, so be sure to get aquanited if you want to impress him in your essays. To see him take: CS101, PY111 Anthony King - If your parents allowed you to stay up and watch Election 2005, you may remember him as the softly spoken canadian who sat next to dimbleby, oering analysis when asked. Although he was left out of election 2010, he still commentates regularly on political issues in the Telegraph. His lectures usually match his incredible reputation. To see him take: GV100 Hugh Brogan - Retired a few years ago, but still pops in now and again to lecture. Author of the detailed Penguin History of the United States and former employee of the Economist, Brogan is Britain's leading expert on the life and works of Alexis de Tocqville. His lectures, rather like his writing, are highly detailed and have a fantastic narrative. Last year, he gave a masterful lecture on the French revolution.

**

To see take: CS101, HR269 (No guarantees!) Gianluigi Vernasca: This is presumably a woman who teaches economics. Perhaps she is italian, I don't know because my fellow editors who do economics did not write a section for her. So it is left to a sad arts student to ll in the gaps. To see her take: EC111 Alan Cardew:The King of the Enlightenment module, Alan Cardew is a mainstay with the Literature, Film Studies and Theatre superdepartment A stuning example of a renessance man, Cardew shifts from philosphy to literature to history and back again. He even teaches in the Centre for Psychoanalytic Studies sometimes! Is there nothing this man cannot do? To see him take: CS101

Advertise Here 50