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Unit 2. Life as a project. Personal relationships.

1. Personal relationships

1.1. Human relationships 1.2. Personal relationships

2. In order to live with others

2.1. Basic attitudes 2.2. Abilities necessary to live with others

3. The life plan

3.1. The life plan and personal fulfillment 3.2. Elements for personal fulfillment 3.2.1. Spheres of personal relationships - Love - Peer group - Family 3.2.2. The environment - School, work and other contexts - The media 3.2.3. Solidarity - Non-profit organizations - Citizen participation

1. Personal relationships

1.1.

Human relationships

Individuals direct their behaviour according to a number of factors: Pleasure and instincts, we look for what we like and try to avoid what we dont like. Social pressure, we try to imitate behavior models from the society we live in. The rules and laws that regulate society. Moral values and rules. Moral values are qualities and ideals opposed to countervalues: Goodness-badness Honesty- dishonesty, deception Trust-mistrust Respect-disrespect Courage-cowardice Freedom-slavery Equality-inequality Justice-injustice

Throughout our life, as we grow up, these values hierarchically to develop our moral identity. This set of values hierarchically organized helps us make decisions. It can be modified as we acquire new values and get rid of others we dont consider as important anymore. Moral rules are the standards of good and evil, which govern an individuals behaviour and choices. These moral rules may derive from society and government, religion, or self. The basic and universal moral rules every individual recognizes as good for oneself and others are what we call civic values. In our life we sometimes face difficult situations which force us to choose among a limited number of options we cant be sure about. The resolution of this kind of conflicts helps us define our own moral criteria. Activity 1: (a dilemma) http://www.goodcharacter.com/dilemma/archive.html

A human relationship is any conscious encounter in which at least two humans beings are present. Such relationships can be voluntary or, most of the time, involuntary. Every human relationship involves an exchange of information, for example, when two strangers meet in an aisle in a supermarket they involuntary exchange information about their mood, their intentions, their appearanceusing both verbal and non-verbal communication like gestures, our tone of voice, our facial expressions Our behavior will be influenced by the way we interpret all this information. 1.2. Personal relationships. Any human relationship becomes a personal relationship if it is voluntary and has a communicative intention. The result of this act is interpersonal communication. Through interpersonal communication human beings carry out fundamental tasks such as building personal identity, learning to manage emotions and to be happy or developing a system of beliefs and rules. Personal relationships can be symmetrical and complementary. Symmetrical relationships. These relationships are based on the equality betweenthe people taking part in them, for example, between two friends. Complementary relationships. In these relationships the roles of the participants are clearly defined and both complement each other, as in the relationship between a doctor and a patient or a teacher and a student. 2. In order to live with others 2.1. Basic attitudes Knowing how t olive with others is not something natural or innate, its something we learn to do by doing it. In order to make living with others a meaningful, rewarding experience we need to adopt some basic attitudes to make it possible: Openness. In order to live with others, we need to be open, showing interest in the needs, desires, feelings of the people who surround us, and we need to cooperate as well. Critical attitude. In order to live with others, we need to get rid of prejudices, unreasonable opinions or ideas about people socially accepted, which are the result of simplistic generalizations. Prejudice prevents us from getting to know people really or to even bother to know them. Thats why we need to know to what extent we are prejudiced against people and why, we need to be critical about our own prejudices. Being respectful. We need to acknowledge the values, right and dignity of others and to reject violence as a way of relating. Tolerance. Tolerance is not about ignoring or giving in, its about accepting difference.

2.2 Abilities necessary to live with others/ Life skills Life skills have been defined by the World Health Organization (WHO) as abilities for adaptive and positive behaviour that enable individuals to deal effectively with the demands and challenges of everyday life. They represent the psycho-social skills that determine valued behaviour and include reflective skills such as problem-solving and critical thinking, to personal skills such as selfawareness, and to interpersonal skills. Practicing life skills leads to qualities such as self-esteem, sociability and tolerance, to action competencies to take action and generate change, and to capabilities to have the freedom to decide what to do and who to be. The Ten core Life Skills as laid down by WHO are:

Self-awareness includes recognition of self, our character, our strengths and

weaknesses, desires and dislikes. Developing self-awareness can help us to recognize when we are stressed or feel under pressure. It is often a prerequisite to effective communication and interpersonal relations, as well as for developing empathy with others.

Empathy - To have a successful relationship with our loved ones and society at large,
we need to understand and care about other peoples needs, desires and feelings. Empathy is the ability to imagine what life is like for another person. Without empathy, our communication with others will amount to one-way traffic. Worst, we will be acting and behaving according to our self-interest and are bound to run into problems. No man is an island, no woman either! We grow up in relationships with many people parents, brothers and sisters, cousins, uncles and aunts, classmates, friends and neighbours. When we understand ourselves as well as others, we are better prepared to communicate our needs and desires. We will be more equipped to say what we want people to know, present our thoughts and ideas and tackle delicate issues without offending other people. At the same time, we will be able to elicit support from others, and win their understanding. Empathy can help us to accept others, who may be very different from ourselves. This can improve social interactions, especially, in situations of ethnic or cultural diversity. Empathy can also help to encourage nurturing behaviour towards people in need of care and assistance, or tolerance, as is the case with AIDS sufferers, or people with mental disorders, who may be stigmatized and ostracized by the very people they depend upon for support.

Critical thinking is an ability to analyze information and experiences in an objective

manner. Critical thinking can contribute to health by helping us to recognize and assess the factors that influence attitudes and behaviour, such as values, peer pressure and the media.

Creative thinking is a novel way of seeing or doing things that is characteristic of

four components fluency (generating new ideas), flexibility (shifting perspective easily), originality (conceiving of something new), and elaboration (building on other ideas).

Decision making helps us to deal constructively with decisions about our lives. This
can have consequences for health. It can teach people how to actively make decisions about their actions in relation to healthy assessment of different options and, what effects these different decisions are likely to have.

Problem solving helps us to deal constructively with problems in our lives.

Significant problems that are left unresolved can cause mental stress and give rise to accompanying physical strain.

Interpersonal relationship skills help us to relate in positive ways with the people
we interact with. This may mean being able to make and keep friendly relationships, which can be of great importance to our mental and social well-being. It may mean keeping, good relations with family members, which are an important source of social support. It may also mean being able to end relationships constructively.

Effective communication means that we are able to express ourselves, both

verbally and non-verbally, in ways that are appropriate to our cultures and situations. This means being able to express opinions and desires, and also needs and fears. And it may mean being able to ask for advice and help in a time of need.

Coping with stress means recognizing the sources of stress in our lives, recognizing
how this affects us, and acting in ways that help us control our levels of stress, by changing our environment or lifestyle and learning how to relax.

Coping with emotions means involving recognizing emotions within us and

others, being aware of how emotions influence behaviour and being able to respond to emotions appropriately. Intense emotions like anger or sadness can have negative effects on our health if we do not respond appropriately.
3. The life plan

3.1. The life plan and personal fulfillment Personal growth implies the adoption of values and attitudes which determine our behavior and our life plan. This process constantly changes as we reflect on why we do something and what the consequences of our acts are. The decisions about our future must be guided by our life plan. We achieve personal fulfillment when we discover our ideal of life, when we put into practice our way of living and we achieve our personal goals. 3.2. Elements necessary for personal fulfillment Socialisation is the process of acquiring norms, customs and ideologies. It provides the individual with the skills and habits necessary for participating within their own society; a society develops a culture through a plurality of shared norms, customs, values, traditions, social roles, symbols and languages. Different socialization units help the individual in the process of socialisation. The family, friends, school, and the media are among the most important. 3.2.1. Spheres of personal relationships - Love Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment, it implies one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person. Finding the right person, the person we want to share our life with is the key to happiness. - Peer group and friendship

A peer group is a social group consisting of humans. Peer groups are an informal primary group of people who share a similar or equal status and who are usually of roughly the same age. The peer group: Serves as a source of info. Peer groups provide perspective outside of individuals viewpoints. Members inside peer groups also learn to develop relationships with other in the social system. Teaches gender roles. Through gender-role socialization group members learn about sex differences, social and cultural expectations. Serves as a practicing venue to adulthood. Adolescent Peer groups provide support for children, and teens as they assimilate into the adult society decreasing dependence on parents, and increasing feeling of self-sufficiency and connecting with a much larger social network. This is a period in which individuals are expanding their perspective beyond the family how to and learning negotiate relationships with others in the social system. Peers, particularly group members, become important social referents Peer groups also have influence on individual members attitudes, and behaviors on many cultural, and social issues such as drug use, violence, academic achievement and even the development and expression of prejudice. Friendship is a form of interpersonal relationship generally considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations. The value that is found in friendship is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis: The tendency to desire what is best for the other Sympathy and empathy Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support Enjoyment of each other's company Trust in one another Positive reciprocity a relationship is based on equal give-and-take between the two parties. The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement. - Family Family socialization begins a process through which humans learn and develop to be the adult persons they become. In our families we learn authority, gender roles, the value of work, responsibility, love and affection, generosity Although negative values can be also

present. For some adults, their interactions with family continues in such a close relationship that the family maintains a dominant role in their ongoing socialization. 3.2.2. The environment The contexts in which we spend time with others also have an influence on the process of socialization and the values we acquire: - School, work and other contexts School is the first public context where we have to put into practice the values weve acquired at home. School also has to provide individuals with values and basic rules to live with others. - The media The press and TV especially also transmit behavior models and ideals. Celebrities become influential characters that people want to imitate. 3.2.3. Solidarity It refers to the ties in a society that bind people to one another, to the recognition of the needs and suffering of others. - Non-profit organizations Nonprofit organizations are a crucial part of our society, providing help to the needy, education for a lifetime, funds for good causes, and social services. - Citizen participation Activities organized to provide the structure for citizens to become involved in community improvement activities.