The Real Christmas Scrooge Get back to work Rick!

I dont have time for your bullshit now go make me a sandwich! Bah Humbug! Daryl screamed. But sir, Rick said, Its Christmas Eve, Ive got a family to go home, can I please have the rest of the night off. Daryl looked at Rick with a burning fury of a thousand suns WITH LETTUCEEE!!!!! yes sir, one sandwich coming up Rick ran away ashamed of his disobedience, he would whip himself later for his sins as he always did. Daryl looked over the rest of his employees at Daryl Co. a company made for and by Daryl. What did Daryl Co. make? Some say shoes, some say they sell pigskins to needy orphans in Austrailia who like to perform Hamlet. Nah they make shoes, but that would be pretty cool wouldnt it. Anyway he eyed his top shoe maker Matt in the corner of the factory, widdling away at yet another pair of shoes as he did all day. He produced an average of 10 billion shoes per day, and thats a bad day, he was the best in the biz. To him shoes were his life, there was nothing he loved more. And when nobodys looking he inhales that sweet shoe aroma and he smiles. Sometimes it got weird. Tongues got involved. Its pretty weird shit Im not gonna lie. Daryl ran up to him and took the shoe from under his nose and threw it into the pile. Maybe when you make 20 billion shoes a day, you can sniff them on your lunch break. Now get back to work. Matt began to cry because we all know how emotional Matt can get. Wheres your Christmas spirit? Matt screamed. CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!!!! CHRISTMASS SPIRRRIITTT!!!! Daryl screamed yet a gain with the burning fury of a thousand suns. yea Christmas spirit didnt you hear me the first time, Matt said confused at his screaming and ranting. IM CREATING DRAMATIC EFFECT! daryl screamed. Oh.. thats understandable but it still doesnt answer my question. Matt said. You would never understand my tortured teenage soul. Daryl said, You see it all started.. the doorbell rung. Butler! Daryl screamed and Mark came running up to master Daryl in all his gay glory, Yes sir mark said, go fetch the door for dear old Daryl and then make me a sandwich. Said Daryl Isnt Rick already getting you a sandwich? I WANT ANOTHER ONE! Yes Sir! Mark said as he peed himself out of fear. He opened the door and it was Ricks son Tiny Toby. Tiny Toby was a sad sight to behold you seee. Tiny Toby was no ordinary boy he was paralyzed from his pinky finger down to the finger nail at the end of his pinky finger it was truly a sad sight to behold. It was always right there to move but he never could poor child. The world had really dealt him a bad hand but he still had his Christmas spirit and 99% of his other body parts that were working perfectly fine but that was not the point. Is my father here? Hes making me a sandwich Can I see him? Ive got his Christmas present for him. CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!! He took the gift from him and told Mark to put it on his sandwich with mayonnaise and turkey. but that was for my father for Christmas. Why do you hate Christmas so much Mr. Tiny Toby said.

You want to know why I hate Christmas so much.. it all started on my first year at Stonybrook University. I was just a typical average college boy at Stonybrook University the only thing different about me was .. well I liked men but lets not judge me for that anyway thats why I get along with Toby so well, but thats another story for another time. Anywho our story begins with a boy who loved Christmas more than I loved watching rick bang a goat and we all love that now dont we. I woke up and looked at my clock, it was only 2:30 in the morning, I was about to go back to sleep when I saw it. Outside the window, it couldnt be or could it. I ran to the window only to find that it was the lead singer of Aerosmith taking a dump on my front lawn..? No it was actually just snowing but to him that snow was better than any Aerosmith turd, It was snowing that beautiful white snowy snow so fluffy and delicious that I wanted nothing more than to run outside and rub it all over my body. I began to skip through the hall with glee screaming Its snowing everybody, yippedeee skippeedee dooo its snowing. That was my catch phrase, I said it all the time and if you were lucky enough to hear me say it, it would send a shiver down your spine. And most likely you would either be immediately paralyzed from the waist down or go into epileptic shock..an epileptic shock of joy of course. Rick came out of his room rubbing his eyes, what the fuck are you doing its 2:30 in the morning. Time to rise and shine my little muffins of joy it has snowen upon us, I screamed, Lets go make snow angels and frolic. Rick contemplated his options, spray mace in his eyes bite his left off and go back to bed, or ..go play in the snow. For the purposes of keeping this story PG, lets just say he went out in the snow. Before I knew it, all of C wing had gathered outside for a giant snowball fight, it was the most glorious moment of my young life but it got better, Nick was there. Nick was probably the coolest kid in all of Stonybrook and I could not believe he actually came to my snowball fight, I almost peed myself, his prescence was an honor in itself. When everyone saw me coming, they immediately dropped to their knees. Rise my children, rise, Nick said to his disciples and we all rose to our feet. It was Christmas Eve my most superfantabulous holiday ever. This Christmas was no ordinary Christmas, I knew this year would be the year that I finally got to see Santa Clause, but not the way I had always imagined it would be. Everyone looked like they were so happy, laughing hysterically but little did I know they werent laughing out of joy they were laughing at something else. I went back to my room and put my cookies and milk out on my desk for Santa to feast his merry soul upon and I went to sleep. I couldnt wait for him to come and bring me gifts. Toby and Rick thought it was funny that I still set up cookies and milk for Santa so they thought it would be funny if they left Santa a little surprise. I left the door wide open for Santa but the dumbass still decided to climb in through the window and break my screen, Tobys idea. They snuck in and slipped a couple of viagras into Santas milk and left through the wide open door. A few hours later, he came I couldnt believe he finally came. Well I didnt know because I was still sleeping but he snuck into my room with his bag of toys and began leaving gifts for me and my roommates. Then Santa got thirsty and saw the milk, so he chugged it right up. He went back to putting down gifts but all of the sudden his bowl full of jelly wasnt so jiggly anymore and he couldnt figure out why. He suddenly had the urge to stick his red nosed reindeer in the next living thing he saw and there was poor me unconscious. I was dreaming about little butterflies and kittens when I awoke to a HOooo HOOOOoooo! Santa its really yo Santa what are you doing? Santa Stop!

HOOOO HOOOOO HOOO Oh my god! Santa what are you doing, why Santa why!!!! I tried to fight him but he was too full of Christmas spirit and then before I knew it, it was all over, Santa had raped me. That night Santa stuffed my stocking by the chimney with care. He jingled my bells I guess you could say he decked my halls. I guess he didnt need any help guiding his sleigh that night. I guess his Jack Frost was nipping somewhere besides my nose. By the time he was done my chestnuts were roasting over an open fire. At that point I wouldve rather gotten a partridge in a pear tree. And yes Santa Clause did come to town. This yeeaaarr I think you get the point do I need to make any more metaphors I had no idea, Tiny Toby said.. that sucks dude you got raped by Santa. Hey everybody this fag got raped by Santa. Everyone started laughing and Daryl ran out crying. That night as he slept alone in his room, as the clock struck one a bright light shined through the window. Three figures appeared in the room. Are you the ghosts of Christmas? Yes we are my child. Are you here to show me the true path and help me find the spirit of Christmas again ..No were here to rape you! NNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!