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    Confessions of a Sociopath: A Life Spent Hiding in Plain Sight
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    Confessions of a Sociopath: A Life Spent Hiding in Plain Sight
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    Confessions of a Sociopath: A Life Spent Hiding in Plain Sight
    Ebook345 pages5 hours

    Confessions of a Sociopath: A Life Spent Hiding in Plain Sight

    By M. E. Thomas

    3/5

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    Currently unavailable

    About this ebook

    The memoir of a high-functioning, law-abiding (well, mostly) sociopath and a roadmap—right from the source—for dealing with the sociopath in your life.

    “[A] gripping and important book . . . revelatory . . . quite the memorable roller coaster ride.”—The New York Times Book Review

    As M.E. Thomas says of her fellow sociopaths, “We are your neighbors, your coworkers, and quite possibly the people closest to you: lovers, family, friends. Our risk-seeking behavior and general fearlessness are thrilling, our glibness and charm alluring. Our often quick wit and outside-the-box thinking make us appear intelligent—even brilliant. We climb the corporate ladder faster than the rest, and appear to have limitless self-confidence. Who are we? We are highly successful, noncriminal sociopaths and we comprise 4 percent of the American population.”
      
    Confessions of a Sociopath—part confessional memoir, part primer for the curious—takes readers on a journey into the mind of a sociopath, revealing what makes them tick while debunking myths about sociopathy and offering a road map for dealing with the sociopaths in your life. M. E. Thomas draws from her own experiences as a diagnosed sociopath; her popular blog, Sociopathworld; and scientific literature to unveil for the very first time these men and women who are “hiding in plain sight.”
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherRandom House Publishing Group
    Release dateMay 14, 2013
    ISBN9780307956668
    Unavailable
    Confessions of a Sociopath: A Life Spent Hiding in Plain Sight
    Author

    M. E. Thomas

    M. E. Thomas is the pseudonym of a practising lawyer and law professor. She is also the founder of the popular blog Sociopath World.

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    Reviews for Confessions of a Sociopath

    3/5

    160 ratings24 reviews

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    • 4/5
      I enjoyed this book and found a lot of interesting insights--especially for how sociopaths might perceive others around them. Some reviewers have pointed out that the book is repetitive at points, and I agree. However, it wasn't so bad as to keep the book from being readable.Thomas comes across forthright about her thoughts and perceptions, and she is frank about her own perceived shortcomings as well.I found some very interesting insights to glean from what she has to say. Yes, there are parts that are very self-centered (the work is an autobiography of a self-diagnosed sociopath, after all). I would recommend the book. Not only for those who wish to be able to avoid sociopaths (I don't believe this is the main point of the book, but I understand people don't generally like the idea of being hurt), but maybe just for the opportunity to see a maligned segment of the population as just another subset of human people trying to find a way to navigate the world.
    • 2/5
      I don't really know what I expected. Actually, I guess I do, I thought I'd be entertained, but for all of the author's professing how likable and intriguing she is, my goodness is she a braggart and a bore. This is a dull book.
    • 5/5
      Most reviewers have described this book as "a mess," but I'm really enjoying it. Maybe it's just hard for people who've never had any psychological problems to relate to people who have. I believe M. E. Thomas (aka Jamie R. Lund) is sincere. This book is not dull. It is a fascinating study of human motivation and behavior.
    • 3/5
      I wondered early on, while reading Confessions of a Sociopath, suppose I were a sociopath? Would I like this book? And if I didn’t, would I confront the author to express my displeasure with actions free from restraint or moral boundary? You know, give her a “sociopathic” review.As it turns out, I liked a fair amount of it. One thing that tickled me: Among author M.E. Thomas’s confessions and opinions is her thought that lots of CEOs and lawyers are sociopaths (she is a lawyer). I like to think of this when the news reports a CEO or lawyer doing something lousy. Instead of bemoaning a failure to behave in accord with my moral compass (M.E. says, “we don’t have a moral compass”), I now just mutter, “That damn sociopath.” It’s therapeutic. I guess that means I owe to one of the sociopaths out there a word of thanks.She presents some interesting information and claims. Examples:•She’s Mormon and it seems to suit her. She calls the LDS church “a sociopath’s dream.” •Justice as a moral judgment doesn’t makes sense to her; justice as a way to control people’s actions does.•Zealous empaths manipulated by appeals to their emotions can commit horrors far worse than sociopaths ever would bother to undertake, in her humble opinion.•It’s not insanity. “Sociopaths actually know what society considers right and wrong most of the time, they just don’t feel an emotional compulsion to conform their behavior to society’s standards.”•Corporations display the classic signs: inherent amorality, elevation of their own interests above all others’, and disregard for moral and sometimes legal limits in pursuit of their own advancement.•Psychotherapy has helped her commit sociopathic acts more effectively. Good news, don’t you think? Since “sociopathy,” as she conceives it, differs somewhat from what recent psychiatric practice calls “anti-social personality disorder,” Ms. Thomas admits that “I could not be legitimately diagnosed with ASPD.” She was diagnosed as sociopathic after voluntarily being tested, but she’d also researched the subject thoroughly and probably could mimic well the typical behaviors and thoughts. Since the diagnosis could help validate her already existing blog for sociopaths, she acknowledges readers might be skeptical. Still, whether she really is a sociopath ended up not mattering to me all that much. I found Confessions educational while minding that this author might not be a reliable guide.Most readers, I’d guess, will have a limit for how much of M.E. Thomas’s specialized self-congratulation will be tolerable. Sooner or later you just may conclude that Hell is a place where one is forced to chit-chat with a sociopath day after day after day after . . .
    • 4/5
      3.5 starsThe author is a sociopath and wants to describe it to others. She is not violent, but she doesn’t feel things the way other people do. She talks about her life and what makes her different from “normal” people. I thought she did a good job explaining. I have read other books that tell me that not all sociopaths are serial killers, etc. They aren’t all violent, as this author isn’t. I did find some of her comparisons to “empaths” a bit odd, and they often didn’t seem to ring true for me. It was only in the epilogue that she defined how she was using the word to mean non-sociopaths (if she also defined it earlier, I missed it). I listened to the audio and it was done well. I rarely lost interest.
    • 3/5
      This is a strange one. I couldn't help, through the course of this book, thinking that this sounds like a made-up story that a pathological liar might tell you should you be stuck in a circumstance where you're forced to listen to them for a few hours.

      It sounds like a sociopath, but it also sounds incredibly calculated, as though this is what a sociopath should sound like. So, based on that alone, I'll bump the rating to three stars from the two I'd originally settled on.

      There are several times when the author completely contradicts herself, then goes back and contradicts the contradiction.

      But overall, there was one thing that I felt through most of this book that I never anticipated when the subject matter is a sociopath. For much of it, I was actually reasonably bored.
    • 1/5
      After chatting with a customer about this book I was quite intrigued to read it. Having known and being effected by people with sociopathic tendencies I really wanted to understand more. I thought this book would be the answer to my problems...it wasn't.

      I read it through to the end (as I give every book a chance) but there were many times I just wanted to throw this book across the room. Due to my empathetic nature I was very effected by this book. I felt as if this entire book was an elaborate lie.

      The amount of times she referred to her 'perfect' breasts and her athletic build and how oh so clever she was..."even more clever than you dear reader."

      I'm not spending any more time reviewing this. I really hated this book.
    • 5/5
      This was a simply fascinating book, providing an insider's perspective on sociopathy. The good news? I am not, it appears, a sociopath - - not nearly charismatic enough as it happens. I could not put this book down - - well written and researched, this was a surprisingly compelling book.
    • 3/5
      Confessions of a Sociopath was an incredibly interesting memoir. I've always been interested in the inner workings of the mind, and have read many books with psychology as a major role in the title. This one certainly compares to those, but it had a different feel about it. Unlike other books about sociopaths, this one truly shows the inner workings of an anti social personality disorder. This book isn't about the outsider looking in- it's the insider looking out. That memoir story telling made this more of a diary feel. ME Thomas shares her thoughts and lack of emotion in relation to the world around her. It fully encompasses the sociopathic mind. Even the writing feels wild- lots of stories but so many disconnects. It was a herky-jerky rollercoaster from page one.
      I did ultimately come away with a sense of knowing the common sociopath next door a bit more. Additionally, in my line of work, I've encountered ASPD youth and feel like this book helped me see them in a new way and will help me work with them in the future.
      It also shed a light on the common misconceptions which is why I strongly suggest this book to readers interested in ASPD / sociopath / psychopath. It didn't come with the bias that I've seen in other books on the topic.
      Fun and engaging, this book moves at a quick pace and will take the reader on the journey into the depth of the ASPD mind. Be warned though- you may start seeing "quirks" in a whole new light.
    • 5/5
      M.E. Thomas, a diagnosed sociopath, talks in depth about the way she lives her life, the forces that shaped her, the nature of her thoughts and feelings, and the way she navigates through a world of people very different from herself. This is both a memoir and a work of advocacy, as she makes the case for sociopathy not being all that bad a thing, painting sociopaths as being perhaps just one more point on a natural human spectrum.As far as her intellectual arguments go, she does this well. Attempting to dispel a common stereotype, she points out that while the number of sociopaths is higher among violent criminals than among the general population, it is very much not true that all sociopaths are violent criminals, or even that most violent criminals are sociopaths. She argues that, while sociopaths lack feelings of guilt and shame to guide them and do not respond emotionally to the idea of doing something hurtful or morally wrong, it is entirely possible for sociopaths to behave pro-socially because they recognize that it is in their rational self-interest to do so, or because they recognize that society will function better, for them as well as for everyone else, if they follow certain rules. She calls this having "a prosthetic moral compass," and even suggests that claiming it is impossible to be good without an emotion-based sense of morality is as offensive as suggesting that it is impossible without religious belief... an argument that I personally cannot help but respond to. She also points out that there are areas where the dispassionate ruthlessness of a sociopath can be a definite advantage, such as her own field of law. A trial lawyer, after all, is supposed to be able to put aside her own emotions and moral judgments and concentrate solely on making the bast case she can.Heck, Thomas even makes sociopathy sound kind of appealing: a life lived with a confident sense of self-worth, free of any of those often downright neurotic worries about what people might think of you, or about all the potential bad consequences of your actions.And yet. And yet, in the midst of all this, I was constantly brought up short by the way she would casually discuss truly appalling things as if they were no big deal. She cheerfully talks about her favorite hobby of "ruining people," including all the details of why it's so much fun. She trots out lines of reasoning that are clearly twisted and self-serving to explain why such things are perfectly acceptable, and makes it clear that, to her, what "I didn't do anything wrong" means is only "I didn't do anything illegal" or "I scrupulously followed the rules of some game that only exists in my head, and that I did not ask anyone else if they actually wanted to play." Some of the things she describes are enough to raise the hairs on the back of your neck, and on the whole I think it may have left me feeling significantly more frightened of sociopaths than I ever was before, however much appreciation I might also have for their humanity.And, of course, there's also the question of just how much we can trust anything Thomas says here. This memoir certainly feels tremendously open and sincere, and her stated reasons for writing it that way, her desire to be understood, seem very real. But then, this is also a person who, by her own account, excels at faking sincerity and manipulating people by telling them what they want to hear, so it's impossible not to wonder to what extent she's also doing that to her audience of readers.The cumulative effect of all of this is illuminating, unsettling, and deeply, deeply fascinating. Not only does it provide a window into the world of the sociopathic, but it also offers up a very different perspective on the rest of us, raising a lot of extremely intriguing questions about what "empaths" have that sociopaths don't, how it works, and what it means.
    • 2/5
      If you want a real waste of time read this book. I caught a short snippet of an interview of this women on the Dr Phil show he thought she was mentally ill but not a sociopath. I then had to catalog the book for my library. The book reads like it was written by a teenage boy bragging about his life. On that level it held my interest in same way a car wreck does.or an impossibly bad TV movie does. The author's note at the beginning of the gives the reader fair warning "...this story is told through the lens of how I see the world, including my megalomania, single minded focus, and lack of understanding about the inner workings of others." It should have been classed as fiction, Thomas tries to legitimize the book by adding quotes from some scientific studies but the citations are so poorly documented it is impossible to verify them. Thomas says she wrote this book in order to be an advocate or sociopaths. if this book is her best effort then sociopaths are in deep trouble.
    • 3/5
      As an empath, I have mixed feelings about this book. (Ha!) The first third is crazy good, (okay, I'll stop now) as the author tells us about her life, her family and the peculiar landscape that is her mind. I was fascinated with how she uses her intellect to create emotional props with which to engage other, more emotional people. She has an artificial emotional intelligence.

      I would argue that so do most of us, in that emotions and their regulation are culturally bound and therefore, in large part, learned. But the hill the author has to climb to approach normality is steep indeed, and she achieves it through hard work, cunning and, interestingly, a desire to connect emotionally. She has remarkable insight into her own interpersonal processes (because she examines them constantly), so it makes for compelling reading.

      But only for a while. The material about her family is wonderful, and I wished for more of it. I found myself skipping over some of the second half. As other reviewers have noted, it gets repetitive. It's a shame, really, because there is an honest story here, being told from an ostensibly unreliable narrator. What could be better?

      I recommend this book to anyone interested in psychology and the interplay of social convention, emotional expression and intellect.
    • 4/5
      M.E. doesn't have to convince me that she is a very different type of person than most. For me, difference is fascinating but even for those who are comfortable belonging to 'normality' the divergent paths of human nature are extremely revealing. If you are a non conforming individual of any breed, but particularly if you place a high value on logic, many of the tenets M.E.'s morality and life philosophy will resonate with you. If you aren't, they might explain why certain people around you panic when you break down and start crying.

      The style is engaging and readable, I can certainly believe sociopaths are charming! and although M.E. is not, and admits to this herself, a fully mature individual; she is self reflective and intelligent in a completely new way so that her observations are extremely valuable and different than those of neurotypicals.


      "What makes you a sociopath is not that you choose to do certain things, but that you are presented with an entirely different set of choices than a neurotypical person."
    • 2/5
      Even after reading mixed reviews on the book I decided to give it a shot. The book is more autobiographical but the author freely admits to changing things to hide their identity and protect from potential lawsuits. The narrative jumps around and smugness of the book just grated on my nerves. After a while I was actively skimming looking for anything that might be interesting. I'm glad that I got this from the library because I don't think I would have wanted to have wasted my cash on this.
    • 3/5
      This person manages to give a bad name to Mormons, women, BDSM-enthusiasts, bisexuals, bonobos and — of course — lawyers. She has something interesting to say about religion — she finds religion very useful in providing her with a ‘prosthetic moral compass’. This is of interest to this empathetic atheist, who does not, in fact require external moral codes to understand the difference between good and evil. Maybe this explains to me why religion is so important to others? Yet the moral hand-writing is generally reserved for the ‘amoral’ atheists.You don’t read this book hoping to find a likeable narrator, that’s for sure. I’m left with the icky feeling I had after reading Gone Girl — the work of fiction which nevertheless made use of some pretty awful tropes about how women manipulate men with their sexuality. In reality, of course, women are accused of doing this more often than women are actually doing this, which makes it such a frustrating read for someone with feminist politics. This book is similar because we have a person who identifies neither as masculine nor feminine (born female) who admits to manipulating people with her ‘remarkably beautiful breasts’. Reading this book is like reading one long, very unpleasant boast.I’m not sure what to make of it. I was hoping for an insight into a fascinating personality-type. But when your narrator confesses to being an out-and-out liar, what are we to make of her tale? I have some doubts about its memoir status. Something tells me this is the modern equivalent of Go Ask Alice, except to confound the anonymity issue, the author is easily identifiable. She gives so many biographical details about herself that she was easily identified on the Internet. It didn’t help that she appeared on Dr. Phil wearing only a wig for disguise. She explains this away by saying that she only wants to remain anonymous to strangers; anyone in her personal life she wants to ‘come out’ to, in order to have better relationships with them.Apparently this isn’t very indicative of a true sociopath. But as she rightly says — and it’s true of many things — our definition of a ‘sociopath’ is built on male models of sociopathy, mainly those of convicted criminals. She argues that sociopathy takes many different forms and may present quite differently in women. Who knows.I’m interested in the idea (and I can’t remember which expert has said it) that sociopathy exists on a spectrum, along with other psych stuff like Asbergers — that it’s not a case of either being a sociopath or not being a sociopath — we all fit somewhere on a spectrum, with empathic at the other end. I’m inclined to go with that theory. If this description of sociopathy is apt, it tends to fit my experience of interacting with others.I’m highly dubious about a sociopath’s ability to understand in what ways, exactly, their brains work differently from neurotypical empaths. I suppose they feel they have the advantage because empathy is the dominant culture. And minorities always tend to have a better handle on the dominant culture than vice versa. I’m even more skeptical about this author’s claims on intelligence. The writing didn’t strike me as particularly smart, despite dropping legal terms here and there. Isn’t there another term for thinking you understand other people better than they understand you? I believe it’s the Dunning-Kruger effect. This may be a part of sociopathy, I suppose. M.E. Thomas also writes of her own narcissism. Is that inherent to sociopathy, too? When does narcissism end and sociopathy begin? This whole media racket/Dr. Phil appearance/best seller high concept ‘memoir’ could as easily be the work of a narcissist. At times it reads like a work of fiction. Like the times she writes outside her own body as an omniscient narrator, describing that thing she does with her teeth. She also describes vampires as ‘allegorical sociopaths’ which is interesting from a publishing perspective; is it any coincidence that the vampire renaissance has coincided with a whole swag of new books about sociopaths? (This being one of the tentpoles?)In the end, this book may well make you suspicious of neighbours and workmates for a few days, and lead you to wonder about certain characters from your past, and whether they had as much empathy as you assumed they did. I suppose that’s worth a consideration. The epilogue offers some of the most interesting ideas of the book — our strange justice system, linked to displays of remorse, in which someone who genuinely can’t feel remorse is obviously at a disadvantage. I can begin to see why she wrote this book in the first place. But if she hoped to make me feel more welcoming of sociopathic personalities, she failed in that. And if she failed in that, how good is she really, at manipulating other people? Surely if she were that great, she’d have the natural tools of a great novelist at her disposal, conducting me, her reader, to hear the tune as she wants me to.
    • 2/5
      I listened to this book on audio, which I really can't recommend: audio is more intimate than the page, and that intimacy was very unwelcome here. To be blunt: listening to this book was deeply creepy.It's worth noting that while Ms. Thomas makes a great deal out of having been diagnosed as a sociopath, she was not given a diagnosis of AntiSocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), which is the DSM diagnosis most commonly thought of as 'sociopathic'. She defends this as demonstration of the problems with psychiatric diagnoses, which depend heavily on criminal behaviour. She limits her criminal behaviour to things she is likely to get away with, thus avoiding many of the criteria.As many other reviewers have commented, she is an unreliable narrator. For example, she describes one instance where a city worker reprimanded her for walking around a plastic barrier, and she became so angry that she followed the worker for several minutes, fantasizing about killing him. Eventually, she lost sight of him in the crowd. (As another reviewer noted, Thomas later doubted that she would have been able to kill the man, however, this had nothing to do with scruples: he was much larger and probably much stronger than her.) Nevertheless, she maintains that this was a singular incident: she has never assaulted anyone. Except for her brother. And some of her lovers: but that was consensual! At least after the fact. Really!Thomas states up front that she is a megalomaniac, and much of the book reflects this, including her boast that she had saved enough money to retire on by the age of 30. Assuming that the claim is true, I'm curious: does a sociopath, with her innate lack of regard for risk, carry umbrella liability insurance? Because it is certain that many people might be interested in suing her. (She discounts this possibility, of course.)She says she relates to the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, who also had no heart, but had spent a great deal of time in reflection. For all of her reflection, however, she still doesn't have a great deal of insight. She thinks her childhood (mental, physical, emotional abuse and neglect) was ideally suited to her genetics: it made her into a 'good' sociopath. She realizes that after several successful years in her job, she's starting to get bored and might soon quit - but she also wants to have children (speaking of jobs that might not be so much fun after a few years!). She thinks she would be a good mother. That might be the creepiest part of all.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 4/5
      Unreliable narrators fascinate me and other people's psychological states intrigue me.So it's not surprising that when I spotted 'Confessions of a Sociopath' it went straight onto my wish list.What's it about?M.E. Thomas is (apparently) a successful American law professor writing about her sociopathy under a pseudonym. Originally, she created a blog - SociopathWorld.com - which became an online community for similarly minded people. Part memoir, part exploration of what creates sociopaths and how society should deal with them, this book offers an insight into her mind, apparently in a bid to make society more tolerant of sociopaths.What's it like?Not as shocking as you might expect. For all her talk of "ruining" people, Thomas is neither criminal nor violent; she has never seen the inside of a police cell, although she recognises that her poor impulse control might one day change this. Essentially, her deviance involves manipulating people to get her own way, sometimes simply without regard to their feelings, sometimes in order to hurt them. As she stresses, "empaths" (her catch-all term for non-sociopaths) do these things, too. The difference is that she doesn't experience guilt, and that some people would like to imprison her just for being...her.Minor revelations abound: she no longer uses knives because she cannot force herself to be sufficiently careful with them; her parents once abandoned her and a sibling in a local park; she deliberately cut all ties with a previously dear friend because the friend's father was diagnosed with cancer and the friend became a chore. Despite her best efforts to shock (in the opening pages she describes leaving a baby opossum to drown), prurient readers will bedisappointed. This sociopath teaches Sunday School and loves her niece.Her very mildness has left some readers questioning whether the whole book is just a hoax. After all, what self-respecting sociopath would admit that their "ruining" of people is often mostly in their own mind? Perhaps one determined to manipulate your response to her. Personally, I see no reason to doubt her, though I would have found this appealing even if it were simply a well-written fiction.More questionable is the book's length. At 302 pages long, its not unwieldy, but I felt that leaving out a couple of the later chapters - which really just repeated variations on material covered previously - could have strengthened the book overall. I felt her account of her sexual awakening in Brazil was given more space than it required, and the - albeit quite interesting - idea that bisexuality is a key sociopathic trait had already been discussed.There's a good balance of personal reflection and broader discussions of how sociopaths are perceived and treated by society. How do you identify sociopaths? What do you do with them when you have? Does their amorality make them more or less culpable of the crimes they commit? Thomas argues that sociopathic traits, guided suitably, can be distinctly beneficial. This fits with ideas in Jon Ronson's non-fiction book 'The Psychopath Test', in which he recognises that many successful business men demonstrate key psychopathic / sociopathic traits.Who would Thomas be without her sociopathy? She's not sure, but she embraces it even as she recognises that she has no "core" self, that everything she presents to the world is some kind of mask. But then, as she notes: "What's the difference between acting the part of a good lawyer and being one? What's the difference between pretending to be a valuable colleage and being one?" If you participate in a scam long enough, surely it becomes who you are? Ultimately, we all adopt different roles and play them in ways that suit us.Final thoughtsI found this a genuinely interesting read and digested it slowly over a period of about a month. There is, of course, discussion throughout about the causes or triggers of sociopathy, how far nature and nurture are each responsible. This is particularly key in the final chapter, which considers how sociopathic children develop and how they could be treated. Of course, most researchers / counsellors etc. prefer to talk about children with callous-unemotional traits, rather than diagnosing them using such a prejudicial term, but many will grow into sociopaths. Can this be avoided? If so, how?Perhaps keen to demonstrate how educated she is, Thomas makes repeated reference to sociopaths in literature, especially Cathy from Steinbeck's 'East of Eden', when developing her theories. Although she refers to key researchers in the field, she rates her own opinions and experiences as equally valid (standard attitude for a narcissist) so it's unsurprising to find the book entirely without references.If you're interested in a personal take on sociopathy then this would be an interesting read; if you want rigorous research then you'll need to look elsewhere.
    • 4/5
      I caught myself getting bored with all the me, me, me in the book, and then realized that every word was describing how a sociopath would view life from the inside. If one remembers this is an autobiography and not meant to be a scientific text, one can understand how she rationalizes some of her statements that seem contradictory. Everyone has rationalizations that just don't make sense, after all. I believe it's true, not all sociopaths are driven to be murderers.
    • 3/5
      Once again, the cover grabbed me. I mean, how can I not pick up a book with a cover that looks like that?This book has garnered a fair amount of attention for its premise: a memoir written by a diagnosed sociopath, who promises insights into her condition - how her thought processes work, why she doesn't connect with people, and why sociopaths are often misunderstood into today's society.Okay, I get the premise, and to be fair, I did learn more about the sociopathic condition, mainly that not all sociopaths are mass-murdering lunatics. Some certainly have violent impulses that they are unable or unwilling to control, but these are not what the author describes as "high-functioning sociopaths." High-functioning sociopaths do not maim and kill, but rather manipulate and deceive to meet their ends.So I learned more about sociopaths but nothing the author said could convince me that she is not a "bad" person. Her gleeful accounts of manipulating other people for sport and her claim that it doesn't actually harm a person struck a dissonant chord with me.The memoir is prone to contradictory claims, such as her statement that she had an ordinary childhood and a later chapter where she talked about how her parents only demonstrated love to their children in an effort to make themselves look better as parents, or how her dad was prone to periods of physical, mental, and emotional abuse. Is that what she honestly considers a normal childhood? Is it part of her claim that she is a pathological liar?Unreliable narrators obviously abound in literature, but as readers, we have a different relationship with nonfiction titles, and especially with memoirs. The author creates a bond with the reader by implicitly promising that what they are about to read is true. When the truthfulness is called into question, the bond is lost and at best we become disconnected from the text. At worst, we begin to actively dislike the author.But this book does have its readers and some of its strong points include a mix of memoir, science, and history write, a solid and logical progression, an inside look into a world that most of us know nothing about, and an intimate look at a diagnosable mental disorder. It's an unsettling book in a lot of ways, and it's definitely informative in its own right. But its unreliability raises several important red flags for me.Readalikes:There aren't many books that either offer a personal account of sociopathy or present a view of sociopathy that is not criminal. But with that in mind, if you're interested in an inside perspective on the inner workings of a supposedly delinquent mind, you might try these books:The Wisdom of Psychopaths - Kevin Dutton. Argues that sociopathy is more common than we think and more advantageous than we'll admit.The Psychopath Inside - James H. Fallon. Another memoir of a non-criminal, clinically diagnosed sociopath.The Psychopath Test - Jon Ronson. An investigation into the mental health industry and how psychopaths are diagnosed.
    • 4/5
      An autobiography by an anonymous sociopath. Thomas, an accomplished law professor, recounts her view of the world, which is characterized by a calculating attitude, lack of empathy with others and a heavy self-centeredness, among other things. These traits qualify her as a sociopath. Most of how to act in interpersonal relations she has learned by observing others and experimenting herself. Most people can probably relate to many stories in the book about, a point the authors make several times. However here lies a great tension of the book - it at the same time tries to portray the positive side of sociopathy as being able to take an unique, out-of-the box view, while at the same time arguing that sociopaths probably about. The obvious truth in my opinion is that these things come in gradations and that in some dimensions and contexts we would score highly and in others low. Some are of course consistently more to one extreme than others, however the author often treats sociopathy as an either/or concept (although there are also other places where this is qualified).
    • 4/5
      This autobiographical volume by M.E. Thomas (a pseudonym) was a fascinating read. I picked it up hoping to find out exactly what constitutes a "sociopath" and was not disappointed. M.E. is somewhat frank about her means of negotiating the world around her, and a person can come away from the book feeling both like one has more of an understanding of what it must be like to live in the world of a sociopath, while at the same time feeling somewhat relieved that one does not have to live unfettered by the moral dictates that inform existence for most of us. I am more sympathetic towards how difficult that navigating a non-criminal existence must be for the psychopathic/sociopathic personality. Nevertheless I am also amazed at the exaggerated and self-aggrandizing perception the writer has of what she perceives as her innate superiority. It is an interesting book.
    • 3/5
      I've met more than a few sociopaths in my time and some of them have written books, but this is the first book I've read by someone who defines herself as a sociopath and sets out to demystify the condition.That, alone, makes it an interesting premise for a book and this book is certainly intriguing, although not entirely successful. Since one of the markers for sociopathy/psychopathy is a lack of insight into the self or interest in self-analysis, the very fact that Thomas went to all the trouble, over the course of years, to engage in all this self-examination makes the work somewhat suspect. It should also be noted that none of the medical professionals she consulted can, because of confidentiality laws, confirm or refute any of her assertions. Quite convenient, that. M.E. Thomas writes under a pseudonym, but has been revealed elsewhere to be a modestly successful lawyer. This is useful information in that knowing who the actual person is and knowing some facts about her life gives the reader a comparison for the grandiose claims she makes about herself in her book. Is she really so highly intelligent, so astonishingly alluring, does she really not worry about her lack of income due to her ability to play the stock market and average a 9.5% return? Well, it's best to remember that one of the hallmarks of a sociopath/psychopath is that they lie like a rug and have a highly exaggerated sense of self-worth. M.E. Thomas may be a "successful" sociopath, as she asserts, by which she means she lives well, has relationships, and contributes, in a fashion, to society. On the other hand, she may just be a nasty bit of work, a narcissist, a liar, a user, a con artist, and a petty criminal. Either way, someone who dedicates a chapter of her book to "ruining people" is unlikely to do herself much good with this book. It has sold rather well though, so perhaps because she doesn't give a fig for other people, money is consolation enough. One gets the sense Thomas would like to be both admired and feared, so perhaps my reaction, which is to pity her, will elicit her wrath. She does have wrath in spades, apparently. For example, when a city worker chided her for using an off-limits escalator, Thomas followed him, a “metallic” taste in her mouth, fantasizing about killing him and “how right that would feel.” Violence was avoided, apparently, when she lost sight of him in the crowd. “I’m sure I wouldn't have been able to actually kill him,” she says, “but I’m also relatively certain I would have assaulted him.” However, she writes with what appears to be affection for a non-judgmental, Christian co-worker whose "willingness to regard me as a human begin despite her firm belief I was a sociopath offered me the possibility that I could be understood and accepted as I was. She was proof that not all people with consciences and empathy were appalled by the existence of people like me." For someone who insists she doesn't care about others and has no use for either a conscience or empathy, this is contradictory.The book is adequately written. The prose is clean and the research is fine but, ike many such works, the writer seems to have revealed more about herself, and different things, than she intended. She says, for example, that she never engaged in any criminal behavior but also says she has a"“significant history of impulsive, aggressive, and generally irresponsible conduct — things like fistfights and theft.” She talks about theft quite casually. Underlying the entire work is a sort of plea to be pitied, to be accepted as her kind co-worker accepted her. One suspects such acceptance would be used only to Thomas's advantage however (as outlined in her "Emotions and the Fine Art of Ruining People" chapter). It's the sad push-me-pull-me stance of a deeply damaged person.Where her lack of insight is in boldest relief is during her examination of her childhood, which was -- contrary to her assertions -- not normal at all. Beatings, neglect and a lack of security ought never to be considered 'normal' and the fact Thomas does consider it that way is evidence of a serious problem, although Thomas doesn't seem to understand that.In the end, I didn't want to spend any more time than was necessary with this book and the relentless self-justification, grandiosity, arrogance and smug conceit. It was simply too sad. Consider this statement: “In a world filled with gloomy, mediocre nothings populating a go-nowhere rat race, people are attracted to the sociopath’s exceptionalism like moths to a flame.”Not really. But I wish her well.
    • 4/5
      Have you ever wondered what makes a sociopath tick? This book gives, a slightly rambling, glimpse into the mind of a successful, professional, woman who happens to be a sociopath. She describes her upbringing, how she started a blog to bring together others like her and offer support, and to try to understand herself and her condition better. Some of her actions seem disturbing, especially her penchant for risk taking activities and violence. But in reality she has stayed out of the way of the law, and never seriously hurt anyone physically. But it's her internal world that is truly disturbing. The motivations for any actions she takes in her life are never altruistic or empathic, they are self-serving and manipulative. People are pawns, existing only to serve her own desires. She's not a likeable person, once you get to know her. Which seems to be common for sociopaths, they are popular friendly people, until other people realise why they are being friendly, and that they are faking it. It is contradictory in places, saying one thing to defend her and others like her but giving examples that seem to illustrate how unlike regular people sociopaths are. I love learning about the spectrum of human experience and the human mind and this book gives a good window into one person’s experience of looking at the world, whether she is a sociopath or a product of a particular society and upbringing is still debatable but she has an interesting enough perspective to make this a worthwhile read.
    • 3/5
      This book, like the author, seems to be a hot mess. (Disclosure: apparently I know this person; she teaches in my field; I’ve watched her present at conferences, and I’ve cited her work.) Sociopaths, she argues, are just another variation on the human spectrum, and have some advantages in comparison to empaths (nonsociopaths). She describes a life of reckless choices made because she can’t be deterred by negative consequences, though she does like to game the system when such consequences are avoidable and to take significant risks, including driving dangerously and living in high-crime neighborhoods, when they offer corresponding pleasures. At the same time, she values other people for what they can provide—sometimes love, sometimes attention, sometimes the amusement of taking their lives apart. She describes physically and emotionally abusive parents, but argues that they gave her the tools to control her sociopathy so that she’s never done the kind of physical harm or life-ruining fraud we associate with sociopaths. Is she a sociopath? Or a really screwed up person with little emotional control? It’s hard to tell, and she notes that the diagnosis of sociopathy/psychopathy is hotly contested, but seems to derive great value from the label as a way to explain herself.