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A Marriage Book with a Difference!

A Revolutionary Message
“I’ve been married 35 years and have not heard this taught.”
  • “This is the key that I have been missing.”
  • “You connected all the dots for me.”
  • “As a counselor, I have never been so excited about any material.”
  • “You’re on to something huge here.”
A Simple Message
A wife has one driving need—to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need—to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily, and biblically.

A Message That Works
Based on over three decades of counseling, as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, have already taken the Love and Respect message across America and are changing the way couples talk to, think about, and treat each other. What do you want for your marriage? Want some peace? Want to feel close? Want to feel valued? Want to experience marriage the way God intended? Then why not try some Love and Respect.

Topics: The Bible, Marriage, Love, Communication, Inspirational, Guides, and Christianity

Published: Thomas Nelson on Sep 7, 2004
ISBN: 9781418569051
List price: $22.99
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I’ve usually been weary about reading many relationship books but I recently read one that was a delightful page turner and a keeper. If you could read just one book to bless your marriage, this is it Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.I find the ideas in this book are Christian based, and also very practical. I like that the author gives real-life examples from their own marriage, that the reader can relate to and laugh about. It’s definitely a book to get if you’re looking to improve or save your marriage. It will give you fresh insights into the needs & wants of your mate.In reading about how this book came about I comprehended what makes this book so impacting. It was birthed from the illumination in Scripture! In 1998, Dr. Eggerichs was studying the Bible and he saw the “love and respect” principle in Ephesians 5:33 where it says, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”. Dr Eggerichs puts it like this “Without love, she (the wife) reacts without respect. Without respects, he (the husband) reacts without love. While we previously were told that love was the answers for all issues (both male and female), the inclusion of respect will help marriages to be solid and Biblically sound. This book is for both sides of the marriage.The book’s first section deals with what Eggerichs calls, “The Crazy Cycle.” The “crazy cycle” deals primarily with communication. Simply put, men and women communicate differently. And not only do they communicate differently, they decipher and interpret differently. When a spouse makes a statement that they innocently believe conveys their true feelings, the other spouse interprets it incorrectly and then responds to that misinterpretation. Thus, the “crazy cycle” begins. But those are symptoms of the greater issue at hand: men desire to be respected and wives desire to be loved. The messages often undermine and are based these two foundational expressions.This is where Eggerichs masterfully provides extremely practical insights and advice, and he does so with the use of acronyms. The essential truth is that if you work through the acronym, you end up at a place where your wife will know that you do honor and cherish her! The book closes with some thoughts on the rewards of living the suggestions out. I’m reminded of the importance of taking to heart what matters to God, and marriage matters to God – period.
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This is not a great book, but the ideas in it are well worth reading for almost every married person. The basic premise is that women need love from their husbands and men need respect from their wives. Eggerichs uses Scripture and his years of counseling and conference experience to back this up. My one complaint with the book is that it really could have been adequately explained in a long (10,000 words or so) magazine article.
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A fantastic work that goes a long way to describe the conflict in most marriages. The author demonstrates how women primarily seek love and men primarily seek respect from their spouses respectively. When they do not receive such, they act in unloving or disrespectful ways to get it (called the crazy cycle). In order to change this, the author points the reader in various directions to show love to women or to show respect to men (called the energizing cycle). The author also considers what one should do when one's spouse does not reciprocate: do it anyway (rewarded cycle). For Christians, the conclusion is quite powerful: we act in ways that unconditionally love/honor our spouses not as much for them but for Christ. A few concerns about standard Evangelical theology, but those are not sufficient to hinder the power of this excellent book. Greatly recommended.
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