Stress Management for Busy Women

Foreword

I wrote this book because I know what it is like to suffer stress.

Just like you, I am a busy woman too - a mother of two children, one with a disability, a home to run and a career.

My stress started not long after I had my first child when I was rather young, and I suffered for years. I know why now, but at the time, I just couldn’t breakout of a cycle of stress and anxiety. Yet, I had a point to prove – so I soldiered on, I managed to balance it all, suffering inside in silence - until one day, not long after the death of a close friend, my world fell apart.

A beast came upon me. The most terrifying thing I have ever experienced – my first panic attack. And for the next five years – stress, anxiety and panic became the rulers of my world.

They dictated my every move, at first, I suffered in silence, I felt trapped and I lived in a constant state of fear. When I finally plucked up the courage to get help, my doctor knew straight away what my problem was - I don’t really think he could miss it, as I hyperventilated and panicked right there in front of him. I came away from my visit with a prescription, although none the wiser about my condition, ‘this should take the edge off’ he said.

I was too anxious to take the medication, I was already totally out of control - what would they do to me? I didn’t want to slip even deeper out of control with medication.

It wasn’t until I built up the courage to take that first tablet, that I got my first night’s restful sleep, something that I had hadn’t experienced in months. At last, I had a brief window of relief, a break in the cycle of stress, breaking out temporarily from the high states of anxiety and panic attacks I had been slipping between every hour of the day.

But the tablets didn’t make it all go away. When I went back to the doctor he changed my medication, I changed from a tranquilizer to a ‘less addictive’ treatment, and they made me feel worse, so I stopped taking them.

My stress soon got worse again as I attempted to live my everyday life – being in a state of constant fear only added to my anxiety as I vainly tried to appear ‘normal’ and in the end, I gave in, I surrendered to the panic and stress of life and gave up my career so I could lock myself away at home.

At least at home I felt safe, it helped me to reflect on what had happened to me – what was this demon that had taken hold of me, that decreased my world so much that it confined me to live within the four walls of my home? I had to know happened, where it came from, and how I could make it go away.

That was the very beginning of my new journey, the one that steered me to where I am today. I learnt that I wasn’t alone; I researched stress, panic and anxiety. I talked to others and when I started to get better, I even became a therapist myself. I learnt the key to managing and controlling stress and anxiety.

So you see, there is a way out – even if you are the type of woman that wants it all.

Stress is something that most women put up with, but in the end it catches up with you. Some women spend their life searching for answers, jumping from the latest solution to the next, or others get lost in a life of blaming everybody else but themselves, but you can only eliminate the discomfort of stress and anxiety in your life when you understand that the change has to come from deep within yourself – that’s when life becomes easier.

When you are no longer controlled by anyone else but yourself, when you live life on your terms, most of your stress disappears – it’s liberating and it makes you feel free – (although my parents still call it ‘stubborn bloody mindedness’) – call it what you want though – it works for me, and it will work for you too!

My goal is to assist you to be a woman who lives a happy and fulfilled life – it is possible to put yourself first and place yourself in charge of your own destiny, and still look after everybody else you love.

Life is all about balance – this book is about helping you achieve that balance and what is just right for you – not anybody else. Along the way, I give you the knowledge you need to start taking back control of your life by showing you easy and simple ways that will assist you in eliminating and reducing the stresses of your daily grind.

When you live like this everything around you becomes easier; your children will be happier and well balanced, your career will work for you, people will enjoy being around you, and life is much more enjoyable.

Introduction

This book is written for busy women like you – and despite being a thick book packed full of information about stress – don’t be put off, the title ‘for busy women’ still applies, it’s a ‘pick up and put down’ as and when you need it book.

Unlike the many stress therapists and stress management books that advise you to slow down and take it easy if you want to reduce the stress in your life, (since when have you had time to take it easy?) - you won’t find stress management strategies in this book that require a two week retreat in a monastery, nor will you find techniques for reducing stress that only add to your ‘to do list’.

I know you are a busy lady otherwise you would have chose to pick up something else to help you get a bit of relief from your stress; you have a job, responsibilities, a home, children, family, friends, pets, hobbies, major commitments and a full to bursting diary. You are not the type of woman that has time to take a deep bath at six in the evening, switch off from the world and spend the remainder of the evening meditating surrounded by candles and massage oils – plus, you want to get a life – not stop it completely.

Everyone seems to be talking about stress, pick up a newspaper or magazine and you’ll usually find some reference to stress. The media and some researchers blame the current ‘stress epidemic’ on everything from the foods we eat to the cultures of our society, and literally thousands claim to be experts in stress and either write about it or become stress therapists. Opinions on stress are rife - none of them are wrong, it’s just that what affects one, doesn’t necessarily affect another and stress is not a ‘one size fits all’ topic

Far be it from me to suggest that these ‘experts’ have nothing of value to offer, but in the absence of a clear concept of exactly what stress is, you are far less likely to find a balanced approach.

So with so many ‘experts’ and stress management practices, where do you start? There are many theories, recovery programs and books available; so much so that the message about stress becomes blurred by opinion and ideas – and in this case, I find it is beneficial to revert to the undisputed facts – facts that I attempt to stick to in this book.

You are living in a time of rapid technological, scientific, social, economic, and political change and growth. Modern life has never been so easy for mankind - think of all the technology, appliances and devices that save you time and effort and make life easier for you than your ancestors - only having it all seems to be causing a lot of stress, for millions worldwide – so much so, that stress is becoming an epidemic.

Is it possible to have the full and active life that you desire and still be calm and relaxed? Yes, of course it is – It just takes a small change in your thinking and a degree of focus and self devotion on your part – and that’s what this book is all about.

What you will find in this book is a simple approach to managing stress, you’ll discover exactly what stress is and why it causes so much anxiety, you’ll learn that stress isn’t as frightening as you think it is, and I give you a whole new approach to stress relief and recovery from anxiety and panic.

Stress Management for Busy Women teaches you everything you need to know to get rid of your stress, anxiety and tension, so you can start living a calm, serene and happy life.

Stress is easy to deal with when you know how.

Packed full of advice on stress relief, this book is made for busy women who want to have it all, but without the stress.

So if you are ready to go from ‘stress mess’ to ‘stress less’ – then read on.

This book may not be like anything you have ever read on stress before – Yes, you’ll still hear me say that having a relaxing bath is good for you – but there is a difference in using the bath as a cure for your stress and knowing how to really deal with stress.

When you really understand stress you can face any situation knowing that you can deal with it and create the wonderful life that you deserve.

To accompany this book, you can sign up to our Stress Management For Busy Women newsletter and emails – it’s completely free to do so and you will receive regular emails straight to you inbox packed full of helpful advice and calm inducing content, to help you on your journey to become stress free.

Website:

www.stressmangementforbusywomen.com/ihavethebook

Facebook:

www.facebook.com/stressmanagemetforbusywomen

Twitter:

twitter.com/stressedoutmoms

‘Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death’.

- Anais Nin, "Winter of Artifice"

Stress Management

For

Busy Women

~~~

Part One –

Knowing and Understanding

Stress

Why Women Suffer more Stress

Hey ladies, here’s a fact - Statistically, women are suffering from stress more than men – no really?!?

One can only assume that the researchers on that project were all men – had there been any women on the research team, we could have saved them the trouble.

Being the natural care givers that we are, our gender specific role as ‘a female’ has always, since time began, been to look after the children and the home, and nothing has really changed over the years has it? We’ve gone from generation to generation in this way. Is it good, bad?

I don’t know, I just know that despite the Emily Pankhursts of the world, The Women’s Lib movement and the reality that men can’t see dust, nothing has really changed the fact that it is still considered the social and behavioral ‘norm’ that women take the responsibility for the home, rearing the children - and all the shopping, cleaning, ironing, and cooking along the way.

Which brings us right up to date in the 21st Century, and how the role that women have carried out for thousands of years fits into what is still considered to be socially appropriate in most of civilization – that women have certain roles in life that mean you have numerous labels that describe ‘who you are’ to the people around you, and - what you are expected to do for them in that role.

Around 80% of women are mothers, and there are a lot of skills necessary to carry out the role successfully. Being the life long job that it is, it brings a lot of pressures too - but even the other 20% of women still have the same pressures, just a few less people to look after!

Fulfilling so many roles successfully on a daily basis is not always easy; it takes up a great deal of your time for one. It also means that you are regularly focusing on the needs of others, and with so much of your attention on looking after everybody else - Have you ever felt like you’ve forgotten who you really are?

And just in case you had been feeling a little tired or low lately, take a look at the following list (it’s long by the way), but most women take on most of these roles everyday ...

Wife / Partner:

Support and cherish husband - that’s the sulky one who now seems to have turned into one of your children! Put up with his annoying habits and generally try not to argue too much.

Mother:

Love, care for, and nurture the children – all of them. Put their needs before yours, spend money on them - not yourself, be a balanced role model for them, and attempt to train them to be good, be nice and grow up into responsible adults.

Lover:

Maintain the reason you fell in love in the first place – yeah - at one in the morning when you’ve just finished 3 hours of ironing, while he’s been snoring away in front of the TV!

Daughter:

Make your parents proud, create memories to cherish and look after them as they age – as well as wishing you were 6 again and under their care.

Sister:

Maintain the special relationship with your siblings – whilst you still carry all the resentments of childhood brotherly and sisterly love and hate.

Grandmother:

Act as child minder for the grandchildren, support the family unit, love them all.

Best friend:

BF is having a crisis - again! Means she phones you up 5 times a day to wail and cry into your ear hole.

House keeper and manager:

Pay window cleaner, get gutters fixed, organize pest control, clear out the junk in the garage, and fix any other disaster that you didn’t cause.

Child minder:

Entertain, feed and clean up after toddlers while everybody else seems to be working, also look after everybody else’s kids too!

Financial planner / accountant:

Pay bills – on time, visit bank, check statements, budget for the family holiday, and spend two infuriating hours on the phone chasing a missing deposit.

Errands service:

Pick up his dry cleaning, drop car off for service other side of town (arranged by him), and don’t forget to book the reservation at the restaurant, call at the library, take your new iron back to the store because it doesn’t work, and you promised to call in and see your friend - three weeks ago.

Cook:

Prepare at least 3 meals a day for the fussiest eaters in the world - plan a week’s menu and avoid the temptation of the nearest drive through – you know it’s not healthy.

Cleaner:

Mop, vacuum, dust, bleach, polish and disinfect every available surface in your home. Wait for ten minutes, and you can watch them all annihilate your gleaming clean home back to how it was two hours previously.

Personal shopper:

The kids need new school shirts, hubby wants a pair of trousers for work, and he wants you to choose them – typical. Need to buy a gift for daughter’s party tomorrow and don’t forget to call at the supermarket or you’ll all be on toast for dinner – again!

Personal counselor or coach:

Your teenager has been sulking for 5 days solid and won’t come out of their room, 7 year old needs encouraging to take part in more activities (according to class report), and you’re BF is still wailing down the phone about her latest man.

Chauffeur:

That’s just you – attempting to be in two places at once for getting kids to school on time, being there when the bell goes every afternoon, and then speeding off to dance class, football practice and seemingly every other activity going – oh, and hubby wants picking up from the train station in an hour!

Teacher:

Help children with homework, try and remember long multiplication, listen to their reading & answer every possible ‘why’ question on the planet!

Entertainer:

It’s weekend ... relax – NO. The kids want entertaining, they’re bored! You have to catch up with all your chores at home, Oh and your sister is calling round (more like invited herself for dinner) with her new fella, and hubby invited his friends round to watch the game, so can you organize some food and drinks? And don’t forget the argument with hubby because you want him to catch up with some DIY around the house.

Time keeping manager:

Getting every family member including yourself where they should be and on time!! Impossible!

Dog walker:

Nobody else seems to want to walk the dog anymore – or feed it, and the kids don’t even take your threat seriously that you’ll get rid of the dog if they don’t look after it.

Laundry service:

Wash, dry and iron a mountain of clothes – most of which are clothes you picked up off the floor – that also includes clothes that are clean, but your teenager (and husband), decided that the floor option is easier than hanging them up.

Gardener:

You have to at least get the lawn mowed; the neighbor is giving you funny looks it’s gotten that long.

General dog’s body?

I’m sure you can come up with some more ... The list and above and it’s accompanying descriptions might sound a little extreme and yes, I did use it as an opportunity to have a bit of a dig, but I don’t actually think it’s too far off a typical week for most women – do you?

Oh, and we haven’t even started on your day job yet – but are you beginning to see a point here?

On top of all those ‘hats’ you wear, you still have a job to go to or a business to run – and women always seem to have to work harder to prove themselves in the world of work and business don’t they?

And, believe it or not, somewhere in all of that chaos – there is a woman who is supposed to be enjoying and living life to the full, i.e. – YOU!

[*] In five – stress exercise

Considering the list above – is there anything you could attempt to cut out of your schedule to give yourself a bit of extra time?

Make it a focus to pass two of your chores onto someone else in the next two weeks.

Busy women all have one thing in common ...

Too much to do – and too little time.

There are 168 hours in a week, which seems like a lot of hours so it makes you wonder where all your time goes doesn’t it?

Just how much of your time is spent doing daily tasks that are ‘necessary’ duties - and mostly seem to be for the benefit of other people? How many hours do you spend during a week looking after your family and your home? And how many hours a week do you work? Oh, and don’t forget the 56 hours of sleep you are supposed to have in a week while you are doing the math!

How many hours are you left with for relaxation and ‘me time’? I guess not many. And those ‘not many’ hours – are the hours where you are supposed to do something for yourself – if you have the energy!

Life can often feel like you are performing a ‘plate spinning’ act in a circus; Imagine that each plate represents