The Yahweh Confidence Scheme

The Yahweh Confidence Scheme

(See how billions have been duped.)

Published by Jim Richards at Smashwords

Copyright 2012 Jim Richards

To S.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever including Internet usage, without written permission of the author.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Genesis

Exodus

Leviticus

Numbers

Deuteronomy

Foreward:

What follows is the bulk of the first five books of the Old Testament (the Jewish Torah), along with commentary. Reading this will make you more of an expert on the Torah (and the Old Testament) than most Americans.

The Torah is full of lies, nonsense and immorality. The Torah itself makes it clear that Yahweh, the god of the Israelites (who ultimately became the God of the Jews and Christians) is nothing but a concoction, and the religion that grew up around Yahweh was nothing but a confidence scheme which was designed to keep the Israelites in order and extort sacrifices from them. The Torah makes clear that these sacrifices (which consisted of meat, grain, wine and other things of value) were not primarily burned; instead, they went into the bellies, or the coffers, of the Israelite high priests.

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GENESIS

[GENESIS 1-2]

Torah: In the beginning, God created everything in six days.

My note: In the Bible, there were many gods. Among them were the gods Molech, Dagon, Rephan, Chemosh, Baal of Peor, Baal-Berith, the gods of Egypt, the gods of Aram, the gods of Sidon, the gods of Moab, the gods of the Ammonites, the gods of the Philistines, and the goddesses Asherah and Ashtoreth.

The Bible, in numerous passages, doesn’t say that these other gods don’t exist. On the contrary, the Bible clearly indicates that these other gods DO exist. (See Exodus 12:12; 18:11; 20:1-3; 22:20; 23:13; 23:23-24; 23:32-33; 34:11-16; Leviticus 18:21; 19:3-4; 20:2; 26:1; Numbers 25:1-3; Deuteronomy 4:7; 4:33-34; 6:1-14; 7:1-4; 7:16; 7:24-25; 8:19; 11:16-17; 11:26-28; 12:2-3; 12:29-31; 13:1-5; 13:6-11; 13:12-15; 17:2-5; 18:17-20; 20:16-18; 28:14; 28:64; 29:18; 30:17-18; 31:16-18; 31:20; 32:12-16; 32:37-38; Joshua 23:7; 23:16; 24:2-15; 24:20-23; Judges 2:3; 2:10-17; 2:19; 3:6-7; 3:7-10; 8:33; 9:13; 9:26-27; 10:6; 10:11-16; 11:24; 16:23-24; 1 Samuel 17:43, etc.)

If the Bible doesn’t deny the existence of these other gods, what does it say about them?

It says, in essence, Don’t worship these other gods, worship the god of the Israelites!

For example, the first commandment says: I am the Lord your God. I brought you out of Egypt where you were slaves. Do not put any other gods in place of me.

The second commandment says: Do not make statues of other gods. Do not bow down to other gods, or worship them….

So we see that even in the ten commandments, the god of the Israelites acknowledges that there are many other gods. He just doesn’t want the Israelites to worship them—or perhaps more importantly, he doesn’t want the Israelites to give sacrifices to these other gods, since the high priests of Yahweh want these sacrifices for themselves.

Torah: On the sixth day, God said, Let us make man in our own likeness.

My note: "Let us… in our own likeness"?

Who was Yahweh talking to? Other gods? Goddesses?

Whoever he was talking to, they apparently all looked like each other, and they all looked like men (and women?).

But if they all look like men (and women), how can they be everywhere in the universe at the same time (which is what many people believe about Yahweh)? And who recorded these remarks from Yahweh? Where did all these other gods go? Are they still around?

Torah: Then God took some soil from the ground and formed a man out of it. He breathed life-giving breath into the man’s nostrils and the man began to live.

My note: So according to the Bible, man is made from dirt.

Torah: By the seventh day, God had finished his work, so on that day he rested. He blessed the seventh day and made it holy.

My note: If Yahweh was all-powerful, why would he need to rest? He wouldn’t—so either this passage is a lie, or Yahweh isn’t all-powerful.

Torah: Then God planted a garden in Eden, in the east. He put the man there. In the middle of the garden stood the tree that gives knowledge of what is good and evil.

My note: What kind of tree was it? Did it have offspring? If so, where are those trees now?

Another thing. If Adam and Eve didn’t know the difference between good and evil before they ate from the tree, wouldn’t that mean they could do anything they wanted, because they wouldn’t know it was evil? One of them could even kill the other one, and the killer could claim he/she didn’t know it was evil, because they hadn’t eaten from the tree that gives knowledge of good and evil.

This could create major problems in American courts if it was allowed as a defense. For example, a defendant could say, Your honor, I didn’t know it was evil, because I never ate from the tree that gives knowledge of good and evil, and it was God’s fault that I didn’t eat from the tree, because he kicked mankind out of the garden of Eden, where the tree was located—so you should be putting God on trial, not me.

Torah: A stream flowed in Eden and watered the garden. Outside Eden, the stream divided into four rivers: the Pishon, Gidon, Tigris and the Euphrates.

My note: Notice that nothing is said about other rivers, such as the Amazon, the Danube, the Yangtze or the Mississippi. And why not?

Because the author of this part of the Bible didn’t even know those other rivers existed, apparently. He didn’t even know that the Western Hemisphere existed, or the North and South Poles.

Torah: Then God told the man, You may eat from any tree in the garden, except from the tree that gives knowledge of good and evil. If you eat from that tree, you will die the same day.

My note: But Adam and Eve didn’t die after they ate from the tree, so now we’re supposed to conclude that die doesn’t mean die? And throughout the Bible, when things don’t make sense, people who believe that the Bible is the word of the world’s one and only God will say that things don’t mean what the Bible clearly says, they actually mean something different. And miraculously, these people can tell you what the Bible really means!

Imagine if YOU could do that? You get stopped for speeding by a police officer, and you say, Stick your gun up your nose.

What did you say to me?! growls the officer.

By ‘stick your gun’ I mean ‘have’, and by ‘up your nose’ I mean ‘a nice day’. I’m just saying ‘have a nice day’.

Oh. Well, that’s okay, then.

Another thing. Why wouldn’t Yahweh want people to have knowledge of good and evil? In fact, much of the Torah consists of passages that teach people precisely that: they teach people the difference between good and evil (although often, the Torah calls evil things good, and good things evil, so it’s all messed up).

If reading the Torah is the equivalent of eating from the tree that gives knowledge of good and evil, couldn’t that get us into trouble?

Then again, maybe much of the Torah, and the rest of the Bible, is a trick by the devil to get us to do evil. If so, it would be a pretty neat trick, the devil sneaking his own passages into a Bible which everyone thinks is the word of a single god, when actually it’s a mix, and part of it is the word of a god, and part of it is the word of the devil. That would give the devil one of the biggest laughs in all history, to see how thoroughly confused he was able to make people.

Torah: Then God brought all the birds and animals to the man for the man to name them. The man named them all, but not one was a suitable companion to help the man, so God put the man into a deep sleep, took out one of the man’s ribs, and from the rib made a woman. The man and the woman were both naked, but they were not embarrassed.

My note: People are still naming newly discovered birds and animals, so the suggestion that the naming was finished thousands of years ago is silly. In fact, back when the Torah was written, no one in the Middle East even knew about the existence of many of the birds and animals on other parts of the planet, so how could Adam name them?

As for the woman being made out of one of Adam’s ribs, that’s ridiculous, too, although believers will say it isn’t ridiculous at all, and then they proceed to give you an explanation which is ridiculous. This works best on children who can’t escape, and who have to listen to this nonsense under threats and duress, which is how many children learn the Bible.

As for the man and woman not being embarrassed about being naked, there have been people all over the world, for hundreds of thousands of years, who weren’t embarrassed to be seen naked, or see others naked. It is only after children are trained to be embarrassed that they start to become embarrassed.

You’ll notice that dogs aren’t embarrassed to be seen naked by other dogs.

[GENESIS 3]

Torah: One day, a serpent told Eve, If you eat fruit from the tree of knowledge, you will know the difference between good and evil. You will be like God.

My note: Sure, a talking snake. And there was also a talking giraffe, and a talking elephant, and a talking hippo. And Humpty Dumpty was there, and Miss Piggy, and Linus with his blanket, and Little Red Riding Hood, and a talking wolf, and the three little pigs. And Charlie Brown was there, too!

Torah: So Eve ate some of the fruit, and so did Adam. They both began to know things they had never known before.

My note: It sounds like maybe the tree was a marijuana bush or something, since They both began to know things they had never known before.

This reminds me of the Straw Man in The Wizard of Oz, where he sings:

"Oh, I could tell you why

"The ocean’s near the shore

"I could think of things I never thunk before

And then I’d sit—and think some more….

Torah: Then they realized they were naked, so they made themselves clothes.

My note: And when they realized it would be a lot easier to get around if they had an all-terrain vehicle, why didn’t they make one of those? Yahweh could tell them how, couldn’t he, since he was all-knowing?

Torah: Later, Adam and Eve heard God walking in the garden. God called out, Where are you?

Here I am, said Adam. I heard you in the garden. I was naked, so I hid.

How did you know you were naked? asked God. Did you eat from the tree of knowledge?

It was the woman, said Adam. She gave me some of the fruit, and I ate it.

My note: If Yahweh was fair, he would have said, Well, you didn’t have to eat it, did you? So you’re just as guilty as she is.

Torah: "What have you done?" God said to the woman.

The serpent tricked me, said the woman. That’s why I ate the fruit.

God put a curse on the serpent. Then he put a curse on the woman, saying he would greatly increase her pain during childbirth. Plus, he said her husband would rule over her.

My note: Sure, a man must rule over his wife because more than 3000 years ago, one of the hundreds of gods in the Middle East said so. How can a woman argue with that?

But what if the man is a jerk? Does Yahweh want a man to rule over a woman if the man is a jerk? If so, perhaps people should worship one of the other gods in the Bible, instead of one who says women should be subservient to jerks.

The statement in the Bible that a husband should rule over his wife has been used by bad men throughout history to subjugate women.

Then again, there are plenty of bad women, too, so what should the rule be?

It also says that Yahweh increased the pain of all women during childbirth, which wasn’t fair, since only one woman allegedly disobeyed Yahweh, so why punish all women until the end of time because of the wrongdoing of a single woman? That’s not fair. So this passage is either untrue, or if it is true, it means that Yahweh isn’t fair, and if he’s not fair, why should people worship him? Wouldn’t it be better to worship a god who’s fair?

Torah: Then God put a curse on Adam, saying Adam would have to work hard the rest of his life, and that he would return to dust when he died.

My note: Yahweh is one cruel entity. Adam eats some fruit from a tree, and his punishment is a life sentence at hard labor?

Americans think that Islam is extreme, but Yahweh is even worse than what he does here. For example, in one instance, a man is gathering wood on the Sabbath, so Yahweh orders that the man be stoned to death. In another instance, Yahweh says that anyone who curses his mother or father should be put to death. Yet there are many mothers and fathers who deserve to be cursed, because they are viciously cruel and abusive.

Torah: Then God said, The man has become like one of us. He can’t be allowed to eat any more fruit. With that, he expelled Adam and Eve from the garden.

My note: Once again, who is Yahweh talking to? Who does he mean when he says, like one of us?

It clearly sounds like there are other gods and goddesses hanging around, listening to what Yahweh is saying.

And how does the author of this passage know what Yahweh said? Was he there in Yahweh’s presence? If he was, he wasn’t human, because only Adam and Eve were alive at this point.

Hey, maybe it was the snake, taking dictation. Or maybe it was one of the other animals taking dictation.

Which animal do you think can take dictation: (a) snake; (b) hippo; (c) giraffe; (d) elephant?

[GENESIS 4]

Torah: Then Adam made love to Eve. Eve got pregnant and gave birth to a son, Cain. Later, she gave birth to another son, Abel.

My note: The Catholics I know don’t read much of the Old Testament, but the Jews do, and some Protestant groups.

Do you think it’s okay to teach children about Adam making love to Eve?

Mommy, what’s ‘making love’?

One reason Americans have such a hang-up about sex is that they don’t live on farms. If they lived on farms, they would see all the pigs, horses, dogs, cats, bulls, cows and chickens having sex all over the place.

And why is it that pigs, horses, dogs, cats, bulls, cows and chickens don’t go into a dark room to have sex? Why do they do it out in the open, for all the other animals to see?

Is that the way people should do it? Should people do it out in the open at baseball games, if the game gets boring?

Torah: Abel was a shepherd. Cain was a farmer. One day, Cain brought some of the things he had grown as an offering to God. Abel also brought an offering to God. He brought meat from some lambs.

God liked the meat from Abel better than he liked the things grown by Cain, so Cain got angry. He lured Abel to a field, where he killed Abel.

My note: Since when does Yahweh need food? If he’s everywhere in the universe, there’s no way he can need food, because if he needs food, he’ll need so much food he’ll eat up the entire universe. Plus, if he eats food, he’ll have to go to the bathroom somewhere, so where does he go?

Another thing. Why does Yahweh like meat better than the things Cain grew in the fields? Why isn’t Yahweh a vegetarian? Doesn’t he understand the dangers of eating too much meat?

Don’t get me wrong. I like meat okay myself, but a god is supposed to be smarter than me, so he should be mostly a vegetarian, right?

And there’s something else. Why did Cain kill Abel? Has he no sense of self-control? He sounds like a big baby to me.

Torah: Later, God said to Cain, Where is your brother?

Cain replied, I don’t know. Am I my brother’s keeper?

God put a curse on Cain, and a mark on him, so that anyone who found him wouldn’t kill him.

My note: Who is anyone? All of a sudden, there’s a bunch of people around who might kill Cain? But all the Bible mentions is Adam, Eve, Cain and Abel, and Abel is dead.

Whoever edited the Torah more than 3000 years ago wasn’t a very good editor. They were probably too busy getting stoned eating from the tree of knowledge to worry about all the inconsistencies that keep popping up.

Torah: Eve then had two more children, Seth and Enoch. Adam was 130 years old when Seth was born. He also had other sons and daughters. Adam lived 930 years.

My note: Adam was 130 years old when Seth was born? Sure he was. If you believe that, you’ve lost your mind, and the people who now control your mind can get you to believe all kinds of nonsense.

And Adam lived 930 years?

Right. And there are actually rabbis, ministers, priests and other assorted clergy who will tell you that this is true, that Adam lived 930 years. And you can’t argue with them, because they actually believe this stuff. And they also believe that it’s possible that Santa Claus and his flying reindeer can deliver toys to every home in the world in one night, because with God, all things are possible.

You understand? You’re dealing with lunatics. They try to make you into a lunatic, too, so you’ll give them money, even though many of them have far more money than you have.

If people believe there is a single god, and that the Jewish and Christian clergy get their authority from this god, that makes the clergy agents or vicars of a god—which is a powerful position to be in. And since the god in question is nowhere to be found, these clergy can tell you what this god wants—and how you can get the things you want (which often means doing something that benefits the clergy).

In essence, these clergy take the place of god, becoming mini-gods—and some people like being perceived as having that kind of authority. In fact, some people will kill to get, and keep, that kind of authority, as Popes and the Catholic clergy did for centuries.

[GENESIS 5]

Torah: [Below is the line of descent from Adam’s son, Seth, to Noah, then to Abram, who was later renamed Abraham.]

At age 105, Seth had a son, Enosh. Seth lived 912 years.

At age 90, Enosh had a son, Kenan. Enosh lived 905 years.

At age 70, Kenan had a son, Mahalalel. Kenan lived 910 years.

At age 65, Mahalalel had a son, Jared. Mahalalel lived 895 years.

At age 162, Jared had a son, Enoch. Jared lived 962 years.

At age 65, Enoch had a son, Methuselah. Enoch lived 365 years.

At age 187, Methuselah had a son, Lamech. Methuselah lived 969 years.

At age 182, Lamech had a son, NOAH. Lamech lived 777 years.

After age 500, Noah had three sons, Shem, Ham and Japheth. Noah lived to 950 years.

At age 100, Shem had a son, Arphaxad. Shem lived 600 years.

At age 35, Arphaxad had a son, Shelah. Arphaxad lived 438 years.

At age 30, Shelah had a son, Eber. Shelah lived 433 years.

At age 34, Eber had a son, Peleg. Eber lived 464 years.

At age 30, Peleg had a son, Reu. Peleg lived 239 years.

At age 32, Reu had a son, Serug. Reu lived 239 years.

At age 30, Serug had a son, Nahor. Serug lived 230 years.

At age 29, Nahor had a son, Terah. Nahor lived 148 years.

At age 70, Terah had a son, ABRAM. Terah lived 205 years.

Terah also had two other sons, Nahor and Haran.

Thus, Abram, Nahor and Haran were brothers.

My note: Lived 912 years? 962 years? 969 years? The only things that live that long are trees. Therefore, all these Biblical characters must be… TREES!

Hey, maybe they’re related to the talking apple trees in The Wizard of Oz!

And notice that Noah was 500 years old when he started having kids.

It’s worth remembering that the person who wrote all the above nonsense was an ancestor of Bernie Madoff.

Torah: Terah son’s Abram was later renamed Abraham. Terah also had a daughter, Sarai, who was later renamed Sarah. Abram and Sarai had the same father, but different mothers. That means Sarai wasn’t Abram’s full sister, she was only his half-sister.

Later, Abram married Sarai.

My note: Don’t try to remember all the following unless you think you’ll be tested on it.

Torah: Abram’s brother, Haran, had a son named Lot, and a daughter, Milcah.

Abram’s brother, Nahor, married Milcah (who was Nahor’s niece).

Nahor and Milcah had a son, Bethuel. Bethuel had a daughter, Rebecca.

Rebecca later married Abram’s son, Isaac.

My note: Did you get all that?

What’s important is that Abram (later renamed Abraham) married his half-sister Sarai (later renamed Sarah), and they had a son, Isaac.

Isaac married Rebecca, who was Isaac’s second cousin.

Later, Isaac and Rebecca had a couple of boys, Esau and Jacob. Jacob was later renamed Israel.

Jacob (aka Israel) had four wives and twelve sons. The sons became the leaders of the twelve tribes of Israel.

So, that’s Abraham and Sarah; Isaac and Rebecca; Jacob (aka Israel) and (4 wives); and Jacob (aka Israel) and his four wives had twelve sons, who were the leaders of the twelve tribes of Israel.

They all lived 800 years or more, and they never had to go to the bathroom.

[GENESIS 6-7]

Torah: According to Genesis 6:4, The Nephilim [a race of giants] were on the earth in those days. That was when the sons of God went to the daughters of men and had children by them….

My note: What’s this? The sons of God!?

Christians think that Jesus was the only son of God, but obviously that’s not the case, according to the Bible itself.

Plus, if God had other sons, weren’t those other sons also gods, just as the Christians consider Jesus to be a god, because they say he was the son of a god?

Now, if God’s sons (who presumably were gods) had children, those children must have been gods, because their fathers were gods.

That would mean that their children, in turn, would be gods (and goddesses), all the way down to the present day.

Are you descended from one of those gods or goddesses? Because if you are, that would make you a god (or a goddess)!

The only way to tell if you’re a god (or a goddess) is if you can bite both your thumbs at the same time. If you can do that, you’re a god (or a goddess). But you have to do it in a church or temple during services, and right afterward, you have to say Moooooo like a cow so loud that everyone in the church or temple can hear it.

If you can do that, you’re a god (or a goddess).

Torah: By the time of Noah, God saw that mankind was full of sin, so he decided to send a flood to destroy mankind. But God was pleased with Noah, so he decided to save him.

My note: All mankind full of sin? Even children? That’s nonsense. It’s ridiculous to think that everyone on the earth was full of sin.

Of course, if the above passage from the Bible is true, it would make Yahweh the biggest mass murderer in history. Not even Adolph Hitler or Genghis Khan came close to killing almost everyone on the planet.

If you believe that everything in the Bible is true, then you believe that Yahweh is the biggest mass murderer in history. So why would you worship such a god?

Torah: God told Noah to build an ark, and put on it two of every kind of animal, one male and one female (although later, God said, take seven of every clean animal, and seven of every kind of bird, and two of every animal that is not clean.)

My note: Not even the Titanic could have held all the animals which Noah allegedly took, and all the food and water to feed them (for 190 days), so this is just another big Biblical lie told to superstitious people more than 3000 years ago. These lies would never work today unless children are taught this nonsense at a very early age, before they have the critical thinking skills to understand that the story is nonsense.

So why do parents teach children such lies?

Because the parents themselves never grew up. They still believe this nonsense, like trusting children. Plus, they’ve been taught to be terrified to do anything that might get God angry.

The Jewish and Christian clergy want children to learn all this nonsense because then the children will become indoctrinated to pay money into the temples and churches when they get older. One aspect of this indoctrination is to fill children with the fear of God, which they hope will stay with the children for life, because as long as people have such fears, it greatly increases the chances they will continue to be paying customers of the temples and churches.

People need to know the truth, and the truth is, it’s not Yahweh who will get you, it’s Cookie Monster! He’ll grab you and turn you into a cookie, then eat you!

I’m not kidding.

Torah: Noah was 600 years old when the rain began. [My note: Sure he was.]

Torah: It rained for 40 days and 40 nights. On the ark were Noah’s wife, Noah’s three sons and their wives, plus every kind of animal and bird. [Cockadoodle-doo! Shut up, you stupid bird. Cockadoodle-doo! I said SHUT UP! And then Noah’s wife threw her wooden shoe at the bird, killing it, thereby ending that species of bird.]

The waters rose until all the mountains were covered by more than 20 feet of water. Every animal on earth which was not in the ark died. The waters flooded the earth for 150 days. Then the water went down.

My note: It’s amazing that people believe all this nonsense, but they do. And should we believe that even Mount Everest, which is more than five miles high, was covered with water? If so, how can the water go down? The only way to get rid of the water is if it goes up, through evaporation, since there’s no down for the water to go to—and if it went up through evaporation, wouldn’t it come down again, and we’d have another huge flood?

Of course, the people who believe this nonsense about the flood will say the earth itself absorbed the water, and they can also explain how Noah could build a wooden boat that could hold two of all the animals on the earth, and how he had little rooms for each pair of the estimated 6,000,000-plus species of insect—and they can also explain how Noah and his family could feed 12,000,000-plus insects every day, even though there’s only 86,400 seconds in a day, which would mean they would have to feed about 139 insects every second.

Come here, little insect. Come on, now, stand still. Open your mouth. Open your mouth. I said OPEN YOUR MOUTH, YOU STUPID %$#&* INSECT. I haven’t got all day to play games with you!

I’m surrounded by lunatics who believe all this nonsense about Noah and the flood: priests, ministers, rabbis, bishops, cardinals, even the Pope.

Look at these people. Do they look insane? Of course not. That’s because you’ve been trained to believe that these people are sane, that this is what sane people look like. And people used to think that child rapists all looked like Aqualung, sitting on a park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent… snots are running down his nose, greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes, when in fact, many child rapists look quite respectable, and many people who will trick you into believing complete nonsense also look quite respectable.

But they’re asking you to believe complete nonsense, and you believe it, but what they didn’t tell you is that they are teaching you all this nonsense because they want something from you: they want your money, and your allegiance. Both give them power. And billions of people give them money, and their allegiance. And they also didn’t tell you that if you look at these religious people closely enough, and long enough, your stare starts to burn into them, and they catch on fire, and then you’ll have to throw water on them, and then they cry out, I’m melting! Melting! Oh—what a world—what a world!

And then they melt away completely, just like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Go ahead and try it.

[GENESIS 8]

Torah: The ark came to rest on the