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    Granpa Guff, the Accidental Astronaut
    Granpa Guff, the Accidental Astronaut
    Granpa Guff, the Accidental Astronaut
    Ebook91 pages39 minutes

    Granpa Guff, the Accidental Astronaut

    By Granpa Guff

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Did you ever wonder what grandparents really got up to when they were younger?

    Have you ever seen a Mexican Barking spider?

    Do you know who the first man to walk on Mars was?

    Find the answers to all of these questions along with why so many N.A.S.A scientists are bald and why American bridges are so strong inside this wonderful new book.
    Granpa Guff, the accidental astronaut.

    Warning: may contain rockets and scenes of a spidery nature.

    Reviews:

    This book is full of silly, humorous incidents and sayings, and even adults will find it entertaining. So if you need a cool story for a book report, I’d definitely choose this one. It is filled with fun and intelligent humor with very cool illustrations.

    This book flies into space with “3.5 out of 5 tiaras.” And if I were you, I’d watch out for spiders, because they are apparently everywhere – even in space! Blessings, anita of anitabook.com

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherGranpa Guff
    Release dateMar 21, 2013
    ISBN9781301464135
    Granpa Guff, the Accidental Astronaut
    Author

    Granpa Guff

    Oldest and grumpiest living resident of Guff County USA. Rocket ship rider, pizza pie saboteur and great admirer of Santa Claus. Likes / Grankids, his Louisiana gator hound and peace and quiet. Dislikes / Noisy and nosy neighbours, raccoons and spiders.

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      Book preview

      Granpa Guff, the Accidental Astronaut - Granpa Guff

      Chapter 1

      Bar

      I had the collywobbles, real bad, we all did, there was a terrible storm brewing and so far it was the worst Fourth of July ever.

      Brad had turned green over three minutes ago I just knew, that all those fluttery butterflies in his tummy could come out at any moment.

      We were stuck on the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge behind two crashed trucks and just about a billion cars, in the world’s biggest traffic jam.

      The horn honkers had run out of horn to honk, most just sat in their cars talking on their phones or picking their noses.

      Some even did both, while listening to the radio!

      The wind howled around the stopped cars, shaking the bridge up and down and even my tummy felt real funny.

      The big bridge started to sway from side to side and people looked mighty worried, the horn honkers stopped picking their noses and got a little too honky again, for my ears.

      G…G….G…Granpa, the ropes holding the bridge are bending, I’m scared! said my brave brother Brad. Are we going to die?

      Granpa leaned back and chuckled Son those ropes are actually made from space spider steel, unbreakable.

      Brads eyes opened wide, his big eyes and green skin made him look a little alien too, if you ask me.

      But nobody did, so I said nothing. I just hoped he would not hurl.

      Sp… Sp…. Sp…. Spider sssssssssssssteel stuttered a scared Brad.

      Yep, 100 times stronger than normal steel boy!

      From Space?

      Mars, if you must ask son!

      What? No way old timer, how do you know? asked Brad.

      And so began another astounding adventure with Granpa or maybe the crazy old guffer was just talking through his hat?

      I just had to write it all down so you can make up your own mind, without Brad breathing all over you.

      Or a tummy full of fluttery butterflies on a bouncing bridge in the middle of a right scary summer storm.

      Image No. 1

      Chapter 2

      Bar

      "Well did you kids know about the failed mission to the Moon?"

      What Granpa, no way!

      What about the cool photos, the films and all the moon rocks and stuff?

      Actually kids, we went to Mars first by mistake!

      Then we went again to collect some rock samples and some photos on the moon just so no-one would ever know what really happened.

      Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong and their buddies were real mad at that one.

      I looked at Brad, Brad looked at me.

      Our mouths were hanging open; this was either the greatest story never told or one hundred percent hogwash?

      To know for sure we just had to hear more.

      We had time, it was not as if we were going anywhere, the storm was bad and the traffic was worse.

      Well this was back in the sixties started Granpa.

      In the eighteen sixties? asked Brad being cheeky as usual.

      Son, no one likes a smarty pants, no sir, now hush up and learn a little!

      Well…. I was working for the best seat makers in the whole of the USA, yes sir.

      The comfiest chairs in the world, so incredibly comfortable, they made grown men cry.

      "We were asked to fit out the space capsule by N.A.S.A; the astronauts needed the very

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