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    Hauling Checks: A Satirical Aviation Comedy
    Unavailable
    Hauling Checks: A Satirical Aviation Comedy
    Unavailable
    Hauling Checks: A Satirical Aviation Comedy
    Ebook234 pages3 hours

    Hauling Checks: A Satirical Aviation Comedy

    By Alex Stone

    4/5

    ()

    Currently unavailable

    Currently unavailable

    About this ebook

    I’m a cargo pilot. In the industry, I’m known as a “Freight Dog.” I fly canceled checks and other types of high-value cargo around the country, mostly at night, in airplanes that are older than I am. Flying freight —or “work” as we call it— in small, twin engine aircraft is a lesser known side of the aviation world. Our day starts when banker’s hours end. Thousands of flights move millions of pounds of work from city to city every night while the rest of the country is asleep. We’re out there in the freezing rain getting de-iced when you‘re laying down for bed. We’re sweeping the snow off our wings with a broom at three in the morning. That horrible thunderstorm you heard last night while you were sleeping, we were flying through it. The fog you woke up to in the early morning hours, we were landing in it.

    "Hauling Checks" is a comedy about the darker side of aviation. A cast of degenerate pilots, who work for a shady night time air cargo operation, take you on a flight through the unfriendly skies. The pilots abuse every Reg in the book in their quest to make deadlines for their high value cargo. As the company falls on hard times, management resorts to questionable measures to save the failing airline.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAlex Stone
    Release dateNov 11, 2009
    ISBN9781452312798
    Unavailable
    Hauling Checks: A Satirical Aviation Comedy
    Author

    Alex Stone

    Alex Stone has written for The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Discover, Harper's, and The New Republic. He lives in New York City.

    Read more from Alex Stone

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    Reviews for Hauling Checks

    4/5

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    • 4/5
      This is not literature. It's a silly novel. But if you like airplanes and a good laugh, read it.

      Told in the first-person by a pilot working for Checkflight, an air transport company hauling canceled checks around the country. Before the days of digital transmission, checks and other important banking documents had to be transported around the country by small planes, and they had to operate on a tight schedule, meeting couriers at each stop, in all kinds of conditions. These operations were often low-budget, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants companies.

      I learned some great flying terminology from this book. "Breaking reports in effect" at the end of an airport's weather report means that pilots landing are required to report on the condition of the runway covered with snow and ice. They use a scale of good, fair, poor, and nil. "Nil means no traction at all. Nil is the report you give as the plane is sliding off the end of the runway." He has some great stories about flying in the snow. Buffalo, by the way, is called "Buffasnow" by pilots. The story of flying into Plattsburgh in the night in the middle of a snow storm with a co-pilot who would rather play on his Gameboy is both hilarious and air-raising.

      After skidding off the runway, they dig themselves out and manage to get close to the building where they have to make a tight turn to get around. He asks Co (his nickname for the copilot) to get out and "marshal" him through the turn so they don't hit anything. During the turn, he thinks he is getting too close to the fence with his wingtip, so he points to the tip while looking at Co who gives him the thumbs up. A crunch is heard. "I thought yo gave me thumbs-up?" "I did," was the response, "thumbs-up, yes, you're going to hit it." That Co was bad enough, too lazy even to help chip ice off the wings, or call dispatch to notify them of arrival, but a former co-pilot had hated to fly.

      The story of checks floating from the sky because the Co forgot to close the hatch door is priceless. The Chief, president of the company kept trying to cut costs and raise revenue, suggestng they fly farm animals (the pilots had to clean it up) and passengers. They don't need seats. Since the FAA required that each passenger have a seat belt, the idea was to give them a piece of rope to tie themselves in. Then the FAA got smart and required a seatbelt and seat. Hotels are layovers were eliminated and tents issued (to be returned if leaving the company.)

      The author is a pilot and real "freight dog." Remember, it's a novel and none of it is true -- I hope.

    • 4/5
      Hauling Checks: OfficeSpace, Waiting, Clerks for overnight

      Hauling Checks was a pretty funny book, focused on watching the death spiral of a company run by a lunatic and propped up by desperation. Pilots who stayed too long to retain credibility, in an industry that is sinking, are forced to extreme measures to earn a payday. What will bounce first, their airplanes broken on the tarmac or the company paycheck for their illegally under-reported flight hours?
      
I state 'pretty funny' because I had to pick my jaw up a couple times and replace chuckles with straight 'wtf' statements a non-pilot could never understand. This by no means changes the audience, this book is highly approachable by any reader who is okay with some mixed black/construction site humor.
      
Alex Stone's satirical novel Hauling Checks opens with an Authors Note. "This is a work of fiction. The pilots and other employees of the air cargo industry are actually nothing like the characters in this novel". Stone however, is listed as being a 'Freight Dog' for over seven years.
      
What I was left to ponder is that the circus of events in this book are probably loosely based on real events and embellished 1:n until ludicrous. Like gutting a fish in an office, dudes closing a conveniences store to play hockey, or drugged out bus boys doing whippets in the walk in fridge, I can only assume that sections of this book wer based on fact. My guesses would be freight falling from the sky, flying under repaired planes that felt unsafe (but not to this degree), and the desperation felt in the industry as paper checks turned digital.