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Fish Bites Cop! Stories To Bash Authorities

441 pages6 hours


Fish Bites Cop! Stories To Bash Authorities is a collection of horror, dark crime, pulp, and slipstream lampoonery that gleefully rips on police officers, security guards, organized religion, firefighters, police officers, bounty hunters, paramedics, police officers, military, middle management, and even more police officers. Bad cop movies are usually just bad cop movies. It's time they paid for it.

Inside you'll find dyslexic paramedics with dog complexes. Reality TV after the apocalypse. A young couple followed by a cop, follows him right back, the follows him some more. Three stories with umlauts in their titles. A cat program at a prison gone horribly wrong. The case against Tasers. The case for squirt guns. The case against bad hand acting. Hands missing thumbs. Hands slipping cuffs. Hands with birth defects that resemble the Loch Ness Monster but kick ass making shadow animals. A bad father and even worse boyfriend hits the reset button on his life until he really gets it wrong. A buddy-cop movie as a Shakespearean play. A guy named "Heck" who discovers Hell. Snipping plastic testicles off pick-up trucks. Cowboys so drunk they catch on fire. A horse that won't die. A ball pit full of spiders (preferable to children). A clam-digging competition between brothers that turns deadly. The disappearance of the bees finally revealed. And ten cops killed for a goldfish cracker. Or nine. A trunk full of surprises guaranteed.

“Bizarre and hysterically twisted, these stories crisscross between the satirical and the pulpy at a maddening pace. I endorse this crazy-ass book! Wild ride. David James Keaton is a writer to keep an eye on.”
—Frank Bill, author of Donnybrook and Crimes in Southern Indiana

"David James Keaton’s read his Beckett, sure. And he knows his Pynchon. But he also knows his Herschell Gordon Lewis, his Quentin Tarantino. Some of the leaps the final story makes floored me, made me jealous. This is exquisite writing and fast-paced storytelling—the peanut butter and chocolate of fiction. Bet you can’t read just one.”
—Stephen Graham Jones, author of The Last Final Girl and Growing Up Dead in Texas

“If you’re a cop, have ever known a cop, or been arrested by one, or even if you’re just one of those people who are scared of cops, FISH BITES COP! is the collection you must read. Also if you like watching, catching, or eating fish. Or cops.”
—Scott Phillips, author of The Adjustment and The Ice Harvest

“Don’t expect any nice-making from David James Keaton. FISH BITES COP! is full of people acting badly, and it’s as fun to watch them self-destruct as it is to watch a ten-car pileup on the interstate. Trust me: you’ll enjoy your couple of hours rubbernecking.”
—Kyle Minor, author of Praying Drunk and In the Devil’s Territory

“David James Keaton by his own confession has a problem with authority. You might say he has a hard-on for cops, a hard-on of the nightstick variety he brandishes with abandon, gleefully bashing clichés with his own savvy brand of literary mayhem. In FISH BITES COP! Keaton goes Dirty Harry on the cop shop of conventional crime fiction. Heads roll, donuts get gored. It’s so good it should be illegal.”
—Randy Chandler, author of Dime Detective and Bad Juju

“Keaton’s at his manic best in this collection, populated by prize winners and barn burners, each one coated in his special brand of pulp sauce. These are stories to read by the bonfire while the world burns. In the worlds Keaton conjures here, spinning with barely repressed anarchy, that’s the general drift.”
—Court Merrigan, author of Moondog Over the Mekong

“David James Keaton holds the lovechild of convention and expectations down to the hard, concrete floor, puts his hand over its mouth, and slits its throat. Each of the stories in this collection help sop up the blood, his hands wiped cleaned by the time the last story is wrought and reeking of his touch.”
—Michael Czyznie

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