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    Deacon Wives
    Deacon Wives
    Deacon Wives
    Ebook186 pages1 hour

    Deacon Wives

    By Diana Davis

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    About this ebook

    In describing the qualities of a church deacon, the Bible also emphasizes the traits of his companion: “Wives, too, must be worthy of respect, not slanderers, self-controlled, faithful in everything” (1 Timothy 3:11). Yet for all the traditional deacon handbooks, less prevalent are those for a deacon’s wife.

    This warmhearted, conversational new book from “Fresh Ideas” syndicated columnist Diana Davis shares stories and insights for deacon wives whether just inaugurated or long experienced. The reader will enjoy tips on how to best encourage her husband’s work, the ministry of the pastor and his wife, and other church staff and members. There are also helpful home and family suggestions, self-evaluation forms and checklists, and even a detailed teaching plan to share this wealth of material with other women in the church

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBH Publishing Group
    Release dateJun 1, 2009
    ISBN9780805464702
    Deacon Wives
    Author

    Diana Davis

    Diana Davis writes regular feature articles for several Christian publications and is a popular conference and retreat speaker. Her books include Fresh Ideas, Fresh Ideas for Women's Ministry, and Deacon Wives. Diana also travels extensively with her husband, Steve Davis, executive director for the State Convention of Baptists in Indiana. They have three adult children and live in Indianapolis.

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      Book preview

      Deacon Wives - Diana Davis

      alongside.

      Introduction

      Iadmit it. I grew up as a DK. In church lingo that's short for deacon's kid. My dad was a deacon at First Baptist Church in White Settlement, Texas, and I began learning at an early age about the amazing ministry opportunities of deacons and deacons' wives. As a child I carefully observed my parents' lives, their attitudes toward God and His church, and their loving ministry within the church body.

      Little did I know that I would grow up and marry a pastor. Over the years of ministry with my pastor-husband, my appreciation for deacons and their wives quadrupled. When we planted a new church, our only church members were two deacons and their wives. We later served in a medium-size church with more deacons and a large church with a hundred deacons.

      And here is what we discovered: Whether it's a tiny church or a large church, deacons and their wives can make a difference.

      This book is written just for you, the deacon's wife. I hope you'll read it as if we're sitting across the table drinking coffee. I'll share stories of how deacon wives have impacted me as their pastor's wife. We'll laugh over some crazy situations that deacon wives have encountered, and we'll shed a tear as we talk about grief, death, and sickness ministries. We'll talk frankly about how to handle difficult people and ways you can encourage your husband and church staff members.

      It's a working book. You'll enjoy self-evaluation forms and checklists, and you'll be challenged to evaluate your attitudes and ministries. I'm praying that whether you're a new deacon wife or a long-time deacon wife you'll be revitalized and renewed to enjoy the unique ministries that God has given you.

      So here is my small offering of ideas for wives of deacons. Grab that cup of coffee, pull up a chair, and let's talk. I hope you're ready for an exciting journey.

      Keep on shining!

      Diana Davis

      www.keeponshining.com

      Portions from this book are excerpts from Diana's articles in Deacon magazine. See www.lifeway.com.

      1

      Hello, Mrs. Deacon

      No Surprise

      You're terrified. Or maybe you're stupefied. Your husband has been asked to serve your church as a deacon. You feel a mixture of excitement and trepidation, and you have a zillion questions. We'll address those later in the study. But for now just relax! This is no surprise to God.

      Before eternity began, the God of our universe was already aware that you would be reading this book today. He knew that your church would see the qualities in your husband and in you and that he would be selected as a deacon to serve your church.

      Let's start at the beginning, when God was creating our world. Then the LORD God made the rib He had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man (Gen. 2:22). This beautiful picture of a great God, who carefully crafts and forms a beautiful helpmate for Adam, pictures Eve as the grand finale of creation! Can you imagine Adam's response when God brought her to him?

      Marriage is like that. The mate that God has given us completes us, complements us, enhances us. Although you and your husband are unique individuals, you are better together because God gave you to one another.

      You, dear deacon wife, were remarkably and wonderfully created by the God of our universe. He knit you together in your mother's womb (Ps. 139:13). But even before that He set you apart for this ministry with your husband. Read these Scriptures:

      The Lord called me before I was born. He named me while I was in my mother's womb. (Isa. 49:1)

      I chose you before I formed you in the womb; I set you apart before you were born. (Jer. 1:5)

      Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began. (Ps. 139:16)

      So this is no surprise to God. He knew all about your limitations, your thoughts, your dreams, your spiritual gifts. He knew whom you would marry and which church you would join. He knew your children before you did. He knew about your accomplishments and your failures, your joys, your sins, your job, your health, and (if possible) your hobbies. He knew your economic situation and physical location. He knew that you would be a deacon's wife. He has a wonderful plan for your entire life, and this is a part of that plan.

      He knew all this and much more about you. Today is no surprise in heaven. Now isn't that a comfort?

      For I know the plans I have for you—this is the LORD'S declaration—plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (Jer. 29:11)

      The Job Interview

      The role of deacon wife is not an official designation. Because you are married to a man selected by your church to serve as a deacon, however, and because marriage is a partnership, your husband's new role will impact your life. Maybe you didn't realize it, but your church considered your own personal qualifications when they selected your husband as a deacon. First Timothy 3:8–13 gives specific guidelines about the qualifications for a deacon. The middle verse discusses qualifications for the wife. Your actions and attitudes will impact his potential for true ministry within the church family.

      This book is all about practical ideas for deacon wives. Let's first take a brief look at biblical qualifications for a deacon and for a deacon's wife.

      DEACON QUALIFICATIONS

      First Timothy 3 describes eight qualifications for a deacon. This chapter looks at his character, his attitudes, and his family relationships. It assesses his view of money and alcohol and gives instructions about how a potential deacon must be tested and proven blameless. Your church has carefully considered these eight qualifications before selecting him as a deacon. How do these expectations impact you, the deacon's wife?

      Requirement 1: Worthy of Respect (v. 8)

      Your husband is known as a respectable man. In your community, your church, and your family, he is a man of respect. How do I know that? When your church began the initial process of selecting deacons, these verses were used as the guideline for the type of man they would select. How does this affect you? Enormously! In Ephesians 5:33, God's Word instructs every wife to respect her husband. Think of a woman you know who highly respects her husband. Her view of him impacts your view, doesn't it? Somehow her respect for her husband makes you think even more of her, too.

      In informal interviews with forty pastors, I asked their most sincere advice for a deacon wife. Almost every answer involved the word respect. A woman, and especially a deacon's wife, must respect her husband. The consistent, sincere act of respecting your husband not only honors him, but it also honors your heavenly Father.

      Requirement 2: Not Hypocritical (v. 8)

      Your deacon husband is the real deal. This certainly does not mean that he is perfect or sinless, but he is a man with a heart for God. His walk matches his talk. His motivations are pure and transparent. He doesn't playact. His life is dedicated to God without selfish motive.

      If a person is serving in order to gain business contacts at church, his motives could be questioned. For example, my dad was an insurance salesman. He had a strict personal policy never to discuss or solicit business at church. I remember many times that someone at church would attempt to discuss business, and he would gently ask them to call at the office. I once took a real estate broker's class, and instructions were given about how to find customers by attending church and distributing business cards. You have probably observed people in church whose motive was to get the solo part for their child or to garner votes for the school board election or to gain power or acclaim. A deacon who is not hypocritical will be a positive influence during business meetings or crisis days. His motives are pure.

      Requirement 3: Not Drinking a Lot of Wine (v. 8)

      A deacon is a man who is under the control of the Holy Spirit and nothing else. Alcohol is a major issue in our society—a large contributor to loss of life and many health-care issues. Alcoholism creates financial jeopardy and marital problems for millions of households. The Bible says a lot about drunkenness and alcohol use in excess. First Corinthians 6:9–11 says, "Do not be deceived: no sexually immoral people, idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, thieves, greedy people, drunkards, revilers, or swindlers will inherit God's kingdom. Some of you were like this; but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God" (emphasis added).

      Verse 10 lists drunkards as a sinful characteristic and states that some of those Christians had been in that lifestyle, but they weren't any more! The New Testament emphasizes the importance of setting a good example. A deacon must consider his personal testimony more important than personal preferences.

      True story: When a deacon and his wife from our church served the wine at a local symphony event, my husband, his pastor, had to spend weeks fielding complaints. The deacon's testimony and influence were adversely affected among several younger Christians who were offended by his action. A deacon must guard his testimony at all costs.

      Requirement 4: Not Greedy for Money (v. 8)

      A deacon's attitude and use of money honor God. He is faithful in stewardship. He joyfully gives at least a tithe to the church. Faithfulness in stewardship, however, also involves what he does with the other 90 percent! He spends all of his money wisely. He uses money generously as a blessing to others. His view of money and possessions is under God's control. Whether he is rich or poor, he is content with what he has and isn't consumed with money (see Phil. 4:12). He is honest in his business affairs and pays his bills.

      James Ennis, associate pastor at Castle Hills Baptist in San Antonio for many years, was famous for this quote: The problem with many people is they get all they can, can all they get, sit on the lid, and spoil the rest! Some men use people and love money. Instead, a deacon should use money (in God-honoring ways) and love people. In our materialistic society a deacon who manages his money in a godly manner stands out.

      Requirement 5: Holding the Mystery of the Faith with a Clear Conscience (v. 9)

      The basic meaning of mystery (Gk. Musterion) in

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