My Experience With Racism In The Gay Community

My Experience With Racism In The Gay Community

As told by gay visible minority men

Edited by Bathhouse Blues

Copyright Bathhouse Blues 2015

Smashwords Edition

Discover other titles by Bathhouse Blues at smashwords.com

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

ISBN 978-0-9920662-5-3

PRAISE FOR BATHHOUSE BLUES

This anonymous web author's essays are worth a browse. Be advised that it's all straight talking expository dialogue, earnest and in some cases, a bit wide-eyed. Still, the author's intentions are noble. Unzipped Magazine

What a good effort here to educate and enlighten people on an area that is little known by outsiders - the gay bathhouse. Recommended. Jane's Guide

Bathhouse Blues is the best thing I've read about the sexual politics of gay sex in a semi-public arena Tablet Magazine

These stories may not get you off but they provide a very interesting characterization of a system that many gay men are drawn to without really knowing why Darkpost

Well written and entertaining site packed with interesting stories and information, whether you are a bathhouse regular, or have always wondered what goes on in these places. The author delves into pretty much every topic you can imagine being associated with 'The Tubs'. Four stars out of five! Search The Gay Web

MORE TITLES BY THIS AUTHOR

Bathhouse Blues

Gay Asian Male Writes His Gay Bathhouse Stories

Back 2 The Baths

More Gay Bathhouse Stories

No Asians Please

How Asian Men Are Perceived In The Gay Community

Gay Steam

True Sex Tales From The Tubs

The Gay Men's Guide To Glory Holes

Glory Hole book for straight, gay and bisexual men.

ACKNOWLEGDEMENTS

To Andy Quan and David Noh.

The two best Gay Asian American authors in the world.

Both of them have paved the way for other Queer Asian writers.

Including myself, to write about race.

They even share the same birthday!

DISCLAIMER

All material featured in this book originally appeared on the website Bathhouse Blues.

All posters who have commented on Bathhouse Blues have granted the owner all non-exclusive right to reproduce it online, in print and digital publications. The commenter also grants permission to reproduce the name (whether screen name or real name) used in connection with the posting of your comment.

Copy of the disclaimer is on the website Bathhouse Blues, and can be accessed at the following link.

http://www.bathhouseblues.com/disclaimer-copyright.html

Table of Contents

Gay Asians and Racism

What Racism Problem?

Are Gay Asians Most Racist?

Gay Blacks and Racism

Anonymous White Male

Introduction

When I started the website Bathhouse Blues over a decade ago, I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be a lighting rod. And I'm not referring to my essays about bathhouse culture and etiquette.

I'm talking about my writing about racism within the walls of a bathhouse. It all began with my third essay, Racism at the Baths. Immediately it touched off a nerve. Letter after letter began to appear on my site by readers. On one side applauding my narrative. But on the other slamming my statements. What followed were more essays about race at the baths. Which elicited even more letters from readers on the issue of discrimination in gay society.

No other topic I have written about has unleashed this amount of debate on my website. I had expected shock and outrage over some of my others stories. Such as guys indulging in BDSM, slings and glory holes. Not to mention my writings on drug overdoses and bareback action taking place 24/7 at the baths. Instead the conversation dominating my website has been about race in the gay community.

This discussion has not been limited on what takes place in a gay sauna. Dozens of men from all races have sent me letters to tell me their stories of being discriminated against. Not just in North America, but all over the world.

The response continues to be truly overwhelming. Many of these men writing to me have never even been to a bathhouse. But my essays on race really motivated visible minorities to share stories.

So I have decided to do an entire book on the letters I have received. With so many submissions I have had to split them into two books. This is the first, My Experiences With Racism In The Gay Community. Told from the point of view of gay visible minorities. Most of the letters are from Gay Asians, since the site was originally from the perspective of a Gay Asian Male. But I do feature letters from Gay Black Men and other queer men of color.

Some things you need to know before starting this book. There are three acronyms that are used throughout my writings. GWM stands for Gay White Male. GAM stands for Gay Asian Male. GBM stands for Gay Black Male. It is much more easier to write these acronyms, than to repeatedly write Gay Asian, Gay Black or Gay White Male. Now just what is a bathhouse for those of you who are unfamiliar with the concept? They are places for men to have sex with other men. Imagine a steam bath filled with highly sexualized gay men wearing only a towel, and you get the idea. If you want to learn more about the topic, read my other book Bathhouse Blues.

This book is divided into five sections.

Gay Asians and Racism: Stories of discrimination are told.

Gay Asians Who Say What Racism Problem?

Are Gay Asians Most Racist Against Their Own Race?

Gay Blacks and Racism: Stories of discrimination are told from the Black perspective.

Anonymous White Male: Where some gay white male went off on Gay Asians, and the reaction he received.

These letters appeared on my website throughout a ten year period. I've deliberately removed all references to their original posting date. All in an effort not to have this book feel dated. The substance of these letters remains the same, regardless when it was originally written. To have them dated, would lend credence of changing times. In reality, ten years later, nothing has really changed.

In addition I've deleted all of the posters surnames and email addresses. This is to protect their identity and maintain privacy. But I have kept a section called Fun Facts. Back when I had the Guest Book set up, I asked posters to answer a series of questions. Age, city, favorite TV show, last book read, last time they visited the baths and favorite sexual activity.

Some posters answered all the questions, others only parts they wanted to reveal. While some just left that section blank. But I have included those Fun Facts with their letters, so you could get to know a bit more about the letter writer.

So sit back, relax and enjoy reading the thoughts of over a hundred Gay Asian men from around the world. Sharing their experiences with racism.

CHAPTER 1

Gay Asians and Racism

What is so true about the gym; White guys tend to be with other Whites, Latinos or maybe African-Americans. Asians are always left out. And it is also true that most good-looking Asian guys, probably straight, look at me WITH HATE because I am taller, bigger and better looking than them! They get really hostile toward you, especially when they sense that you are gay.

I do in fact think that politically clueless heterosexual young White men actually treat us better. The ones I meet at the gym and other places don't really seem to care what I am-they just assume that I am one of those smart Chinese kids, and they'd usually be totally cool about working with me. By contrast, many young gay White men in many communities know not to be seen with Asian guys!

But some of them feel they can let their guards down if the Asian guy in question is physically closer to their White ideals-perhaps tall, buff and has a nice face. But this is when you hear them say to you, You aren't Asian! You're White! This is what social psychologists call re-fencing, a process whereby prejudiced individuals maintain their irrational beliefs concerning a social group (e.g., Asian men are believed to be small, feminine and undesirable) by discounting the evidence contradicting their beliefs (e.g., a tall, masculine, handsome and totally doable Asian guy), frequently through placing this contradictory evidence outside of the social group (e.g., He is not really Asian!). So, Asian men, as a group, remain undesirable in their view, no matter how I am buff and good-looking.

Many beautiful gay guys, especially if they are White, are nasty because they can get away with it-since most guys worship them and they enjoy having that power. But I agree with you; there's nothing sexier than beautiful guys that are also beautiful on the inside (like me)!

It is a common (but ineffective in a long run) coping mechanism for some victims to deny the existence of racism around them. This strategy is widely observed, particularly among recent immigrants (the 1.5th to 2nd generation), and most gay Asians fall under this category. Basically, it hurts too much to think that they are oppressed; so, they'd do the best they can to believe that there's no discrimination.

Furthermore, both they and their parents/family tend to be still new to the country and, collectively, they have little understanding of how things work beyond that they have accomplished their small life dreams in this great country. They don't ask for much more than that, because, deep inside, they have accepted the notion that they are guests in this country. Thus, they are often thankful of what they have here! For example, it probably doesn't even bother them to know that Asian-American communities will never see one of their own become the President of the United States, nor do they care if TV's ER refuses to cast more than one Asian (a female who is highly sexualized-talk about the media stereotypes!), despite the fact that about 1/3 of the medial personnel in the Chicago area are of Asian descent.

I don't mean to defend the Asians who think we are cool but I just wanted to tell you that I think I understand, theoretically, why they may want to deny that they are being oppressed. If racism is not there in their minds, there's nothing for them to cope with. But once they begin questioning things, they know they'll have to do some major revamping of their feelings, beliefs and behavior. In other words, they probably just want to leave thing