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    The Smaller Conspiracy
    The Smaller Conspiracy
    The Smaller Conspiracy
    Ebook34 pages27 minutes

    The Smaller Conspiracy

    By Frankie Lassut

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    About this ebook

    Conspiracy theories usually get dismissed by worker, who can’t believe that THEY would plot against us lowlies. Members of THEY dismiss them because THEY don’t want to get rumbled as the playful darlings love their fun and games; and the truth stays invisible, hidden in plain sight. But this time no one can dismiss the truth because it is so plain to see, even if the seer’s head is shoved up their botty.
    The ‘terrible’ truth won’t slap you in the face because it will be ‘inside’ your face; that’s because in some cases, you’ll be chewing it. So, don’t read this little offering while you are standing up as the sudden realisation what is happening to you may shock you so much your legs will give way.
    It’s in two parts. Firstly an academic waffles on about the world of retail in the usual academic way and then I’ll tell you what the academic can’t. As a little comfort offering I can tell you that it will happen slowly so you probably won’t notice ... until it’s too late and the last thing you ever see are teeth. Good luck.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherFrankie Lassut
    Release dateJan 18, 2016
    ISBN9781310654688
    The Smaller Conspiracy
    Author

    Frankie Lassut

    I am the one being shaved; the other one Nim, is is a looney bin now!I went to see a psychic years ago who ended up as my girlfriend; she didn’t see that one coming! But she was extremely honoured. However it ended badly i.e. it rained heavily as I buried her body and I got soaked. No! You don’t really want to hear about it, it’s depressing; I was joking about the burial. She told me that I was to uncover a talent I had ... Well, another psychic told me that as the first one was dead; I was lying when I said I was lying. Nothing happened for quite a while. Suddenly I realised I needed a ‘job’ quite badly as I was beginning to drink halves. No, not a boob ‘job’! I went for the cheap option i.e. the surgeon gave some socks to shove up my jumper when I go out. I got a ‘job’ (have you got boobs on your mind?) because someone told me that bus-driving was easy because you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel. She was about six, a wise woman ... that’s called an oxymoron. Fantastic! I thought get the job and in a couple of days I’d be driving all the nice passengers around and about seeing all the sights for a fraction of the cost of a tour bus; and we’d have a roof in case it rained. Easy! First of all though there was the training; and I entered hell.I was born in Cumbria in a little ex-iron ore mining town called Millom. It was only small, a one- horse town; the horse was called Peg. It had a pedigree name too, but I can’t remember it at the moment: Peggy Suss? However, I got fed up and left as I was the only man in a town full of women and they were all lesbys; I’ve always been lucky. I went to Blackpool and attended the photographic college. I then moved to Coventry and met the psychic who would tell me what was going to happen. I could say now that the rest is history. Well it is, but obviously not history as that’s all made up anyway. Then I got the job bus-driving, which as I said is easy ‘you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel’. The bus station management weren’t pleased that she had said that though, so she was tried and sent to Guantanamo Bay; they have a section for young kids who are bad to the bone.The job was so mad that I thought it would be a good idea to write out some posters and stick them all on the wall of the bus station. The other drivers enjoyed them, but the management tore them down, the badstars (that’s an anagram of astards +B). I carried on and ended up with a manuscript for a book, which, by the way is ‘brilliant’. The management didn’t like it, but bollocks to them.I couldn’t stop writing after that episode and I’ve been writing ever since, mostly cheques to people, such as the mortgage people and the gas board etc. I am so brilliant that I’ve lost all my friends because I wrote about them in my style which I believe is called Bizzaro. My inner being is a bit of a crazy horse, because whatever I write it has to be in that style, even the horror. It just goes that way. ‘Ordinary’ writing to me is like lemonade minus the bubbles ... I can’t bring myself to do it; but thank God I can still bring myself off. I need a selfie stick as I do that because the close focus on the phone won’t do it; how else am I going to post them on the Dark Web?Writing is like a drug. When I was writing my Millom book, the pictures that flashed into my head were so funny to me that I laughed myself into hernia-ville; my stomach tore. I got injured writing.You see, hernia-ville, a retirement home for people with stomach hernias; no comedians are booked to appear at that place.So, my writing is brilliant, so read the bloody stuff!I have actually suffered for my art. I won’t go to hospital to get it fixed because, well, I’ve written about that friggin place too.All that and now I’m an international bestselling author. I’m the only author in this world who has sold books on Mars (eat your heart out Tony Robbins), so I can say with certainty that Martians have fabulous senses of humour.What a profile!

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      Book preview

      The Smaller Conspiracy - Frankie Lassut

      The Smaller Conspiracy

      Copyright by Frankie Lassut 2016

      Published by Wonky Books at Smashwords

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      I wrote this piece because someone inspired me regarding something that is seemingly very true and I fancied getting my teeth into it. She said to me that humans were getting smaller. That was funny because apparently so are some of the items that we buy as everyday things, edible and non-edible; unless you eat toilet rolls?

      I wrote down as to why this was happening and it’s a lovely conspiracy; don’t you just love a good juicy conspiracy? Most don’t because they just can’t accept that anyone in power would plot against them … lots of them can’t even stand their local councils, never mind governments and the like.

      I finished it and realised that we as humans were heading into a ‘we are doomed’ future. But then, Wonky Books’ proof reader e mailed me an article which was about the same thing only from the point of view of a retail academic (doomed!). Because they have no sense of creativity, fun, or conspiracy; in short, they’re ‘boring’. The best bit was, I know the guy as I once went to school with him until his family left town and ... well, fare thee well John Pal. Years later (1990) I’m living in Blackpool, dodging pavement dog shit and Scottish Fortnight 46% proof puke and between ‘pavement salsa and foxtrot steps’, studying photography at the Blackpool and the Fylde college, I’m told he’s living in Blackpool ...

      I’m 30 by this time, a gorgeous mature student (younger female students hang off me like stalagtites ... NOT). He’s a manager in a clothes shop in Blackers and some people I

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