Forsaken Before You

About Forsaken Before You

Gwen Taylor moved to Beauforde, Colorado, to start anew and to forget her past. But what she didn’t count on was Colton Underwood, a businessman and amateur boxer.

The connection between them took her by surprise, as did the intensity of their affair. But, despite all Gwen’s efforts to keep their relationship casual, she finds herself growing attached to him.

Never one to trust easily, Gwen must question if all her new-found friendships are genuine, and if the past she’s running from can destroy everything she’s built.

Drowning with guilt over something she cannot change, Gwen must face her fears before it all catches up to her.

Dedication

To everyone who read Alone Before You. This couldn’t have happened without your support. In particular, I’d like to dedicate this book to the president of the newly formed Colt Appreciation Society -  Stephanie Sallis . To many more fangirling sessions and wonderful conversations.

Chapter 1

I’d been in Beauforde, Colorado, for two and a half months. But, as I stroked my flat stomach, I thought that it seemed like longer.

It was crazy. I’d only had unprotected sex once the night before, and it was only because the condom broke, but I was struggling with the reality of the situation. Last night I’d told Colt that I’d go and get the morning after pill this morning but, as I sat on my bed, I didn’t move to get up. Instead, I assessed everything. All of the implications.

My whole life, I’d blamed myself for killing my mother at birth, and then my brother, Sawyer, when I was a teenager. The first, because my father, Robert Lester, had accused me of it and punished me for it the first fifteen years of my life. The second, because Sawyer had stepped up to protect me from him one day, a decision that ended in his accidental death.

When I closed my eyes, I could still hear the fatal blow that ended his life. The crunch of Robert’s fist landing awkwardly on Sawyer’s neck. And all because I’d distracted my brother. Instead of readying his stance, he’d looked over at me and the blow had glazed off his face. Robert’s weight had fallen over him, compounding the blow.

One moment of distraction. That’s all it took.

Opening my gray eyes, the ones I’d inherited from Robert, I thought of my mother, Ana, whose maiden name I’d taken. I wondered what she would have thought of me, and if, when she was dying, she wished she’d ended my life instead of going through with the pregnancy.

All these questions ran through my mind, and I had to wonder if my soul could take another stain. The chances that I was pregnant were slim, minute even, but if I got the pill, I was killing the possibility of life.

But what kind of mother would I be? What type of life could I offer a child of mine? A life on the run, where we moved from city to city, town to town, hoping that we could outrun my past? I’d been doing that for years, ever since I’d left my foster family right before my eighteenth birthday. I was twenty-five now and I’d never really had a home.

When I’d made the decision to move to this mountain town to attend Beauforde’s prestigious College of Fine Art, to follow a dream of mine that I was finally, after years of scrimping and saving, of working two freelance illustration jobs, I’d known that my new living situation wouldn’t be permanent. They never were.

But then I’d met Heather, the first and only friend I’d ever had.

And then I’d met Colt. There was no describing what he was to me. He was supposed to be my casual fuck buddy, but his declarations last night had been anything but. He’d basically laid claim to me.

Looking at my bedside clock, correction Heather’s bedside clock in her guest bedroom that I was temporarily staying in (though how this had come to be still confused me), I saw that it was nearly eight o’clock. As it was Friday and I had an art class later today.

But I didn’t move just yet.

Once again, I rubbed my stomach. It wasn’t safe for me or for anyone around me. Robert was out of prison and he had two partners. One had already warned me that he was coming for me and the other had interrogated Harold, the children’s book publisher I worked for.

No, I couldn’t bring a child, or even the possibility of one, into this world. Maybe one day when it was safe, maybe when I stopped looking over my shoulder or seeing Sawyer’s face in my dreams, I could change things. But right now, I could barely even look after myself.

So I’d go and take the pill and move on with my life. And hope that one day I might be able to do differently.

Decision made, I took a shower and then dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, my usual outfit. I was feeling optimistic, which was strange considering my heavy decision and my sleepless night, but the latter wasn’t unusual for me. I’d been an insomniac all my life and, as inexplicable as it was, it was only in Colt’s bed that I’d managed to sleep.

Despite my lack of sleep, as I went down the stairs and headed for the kitchen, I told myself it was going to be a good day. A good and relaxing day. How wrong would I turn out to be. But just not in the way you’d think.

As I passed by the living room on my way to the kitchen, I heard noises that stopped me in my tracks. Was someone crying?

Worried that Heather might be sick, I walked straight into the lounge room where the noises were coming from.

And I was immediately treated to a full frontal of Gabe – Heather’s boyfriend. Gabe. Nude. Heather was lying on the couch, equally nude but, thankfully, her back was facing me, so I could only see her naked shoulders.

Damn my curiosity. Damn open floor plans with their lack of doors.

Oh shit. I’m sorry, I cried, covering my eyes. I’m just . . . fuck . . . I’m leaving. As you were.

I backed out of the room, ignoring Heather’s giggles and Gabe’s laughter. When I judged the distance far enough, I spun around and sprinted for the kitchen. I hid behind the half wall there.

I hadn’t needed to see that. I really hadn’t. But now all I could see was Gabe’s penis. I didn’t want to see that. I didn’t want to know that it was above average and that his bush was a slightly darker shade than his light brown hair. And I definitely did not want to compare his . . . ah assets to Colt’s. I didn’t want to know that – oh crap no. Stop, Gwen.

Fuck. How do I get it out of my head?

I uncovered my eyes long enough to find some muesli and yogurt. Then I found a bowl and a spoon. Though, truth be told, I’d lost my appetite. And that never happened. In fact, the definite lack of food in my childhood meant that I often overate.

Repeating the mantra, Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, I juggled all my supplies and went outside to the pool deck. I found a lounge chair and said the mantra to myself again.

I poured the muesli and spooned out yogurt but, as much as I told myself to eat, my stomach felt weird. Looking out over the lovely blue pool and breathing in fresh air, I tried to clear my mind. Tried to calm my stomach.

I was making headway when Heather came out to join me. Thankfully she was fully dressed in a pair of tight, white-colored jeans and a red top. This was a sedate combination for her but, when I spied her yellow heels, I nearly smiled.

Hey there, she greeted. I’m really sorry about that. Are you okay?

Yeah. Fine. I stuffed a spoonful of muesli in my mouth, praying that my stomach wouldn’t revolt.

I’m sorry. We were celebrating and I guess we got a bit carried away. Grabbing the box of muesli, she scooped a handful and started munching on the cereal.

Celebrating? I repeated. These days it seemed like all I did was parrot after people. Even though we all spoke English, people in Beauforde seemed to speak a different language than me.

Well, I finally managed to convince him to move in. Won’t it be great having Gabe around more? Heather asked, her voice excited and happy.

Sure, I replied, wondering what this would mean for me. I know that she’d been trying to convince him to move in for ages, but did this mean that they would be finding their own place? And, even if they were staying here, would that mean that I’d have to find a new place to live? Fuck, why did I let Heather persuade me to leave my last apartment? It was going to be a pain to find a new one.

I know, right! But listen, Gwen, Heather said as she munched on some more muesli, I’m really sorry you had to walk in on that.

That’s fine. I get it. No explanation needed. It’s your house, I responded. Was this where she suggested that I should start looking for a new one?

It’s not fine, she disagreed. It’s your house too. I was just so excited about having the two of you here that I forgot logistics. But I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again.

I couldn’t have that. Not when she was being so nice and letting me stay here. I reached out and grabbed her hand. No, no. Feel free to . . . do whatever whenever you want. Just promise me one thing.

Yeah? She took another handful of muesli, having eaten the last one.

Next time email me or something. I couldn’t say text me because my phone was still out of commission. After Robert’s accomplice had rung me up on it, I’d destroyed it. Let me know that you’re busy.

Heather laughed. You’ve got it. Maybe I’ll put a sock on the door knob as well. Her face froze, realizing that there were no doors on the bottom level.

And then she giggled. I smiled weakly, still too shocked by the sight of Gabe’s

junk to really laugh.

And same to you, by the way, she continued. If Colt ever wants to spend the night.

I doubted that would ever happen but I nodded my agreement nonetheless. After last night, disappearing with Colt for well over an hour and then almost having a double date with Gabe and her, I knew that whatever I said would fall on deaf ears.

Now that we’ve got that sorted, come inside. Gabe’s cooking something marvelous.

Great, this wasn’t going to be awkward at all.

Sighing, I picked up my food and headed into the kitchen with Heather.

The first thing I saw when I entered the room was that he was wearing clothes. All of his clothes. The second thing I noticed was that, true to Heather’s word, whatever Gabe was cooking smelled great.

Hearing us come in, Gabe turned to face us. He winked at me. I’ve got to say, you’re the first girl who’s ever run away from the sight of my naked body.

I find that hard to believe, I said sarcastically as I sat all my things on the kitchen island.

Believe me, Gwen, lots of things are harder than you can believe.

Happy that we were back to our usual banter, and that no one was embarrassed except for me, I rolled my eyes and held up my hand, my thumb and forefinger close together. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

Gabe chortled. Remind me to warn Colt. I wouldn’t want you imagining me while you’re in bed with him.

Ah Gabe, honey, I said with false sympathy, what he’s got is way more impressive than any imaginings of you.

Again, Gabe guffawed. Liar, liar.

She got you there, honey munchkin, Heather said. Liar, liar? What are you twelve?

I grinned at her.

Gabe waved us closer as he lifted the pan from the stove. Come and get it while it’s hot.

You know what else is hot? I asked Gabe.

Enough! Heather said. No more sexual innuendos until I have at least two cups of coffee in my system.

Sniggering, I sat down on a stool and leaned over the island for the coffee. I poured some for her and then for myself. Here, you’re going to need your strength.

Yeah, she is.

Gabe! Heather complained.

Smiling, I handed over my plate to him. He spooned the egg he’d just made onto it and then repeated the process for Heather. He organized his own plate last.

Renee, Gabe’s mother, must have taught Gabe and Colt right. Though they weren’t brothers by blood, Colt had spent most of his childhood at Gabe’s house after his own father left him and then his mother emotionally took herself away. Renee had been a single mother herself, so I knew that things must have been tough.

I forked up the scrambled egg and then buttered a piece of toast Gabe had laid out. Maybe living with these two wasn’t going to be so bad.

Are the eggs too hard for you, Gwen? Gabe asked moments later.

Heather swiped him on the back of his head, and I nearly chocked. But, somehow, I managed to swallow my eggs without disgracing myself.

Yeah, it wasn’t going to be too bad at all.

*

Heather offered to drive me to campus but I declined, saying that there was no point. I reminded her that she didn’t have any classes today and that she’d be going out of her way.

The truth was that I wasn’t actually going to the campus, and I didn’t want to answer her questions if she knew where I was really going.

The compromise, however, was that I had to accept that dreaded bike. Dragging me to the garage, Heather gave me a direct stare. Seriously, Gwen, just take it, she said, her hands going to her hips. No one’s using it and it’s just sitting here.

Not wanting to be a complete moocher, I started to argue. But then she started threatening me.

Either you take it or both Gabe and I will take you today. And then the both of us will have gone out of our way.

Knowing what she was doing, I glared at her. If push came to shove, I could take her down. Though I didn’t think I could take both her and Gabe on.

And then, the little witch poked her tongue out at me.

Copying her pose, I challenged her. Bring it.

Heather’s eyes ran over my pose, and I began readying my muscles just in case she charged at me. But instead, she lifted up her head and shouted, Gabe!!!

Was she ever going to play fair? Fine, fine, I’ll take it.

With an awfully smug expression, Heather replied, Lovely. Let me know if there are any problems. Then, I kid you not, she sauntered off.

Fucking cheater, I grumbled to her back.

I heard that, she called back.

Laughing, I hiked my bag up onto the basket. Of course, Heather would have a basket on a bike. Of course, she would.

I grumbled under my breath, pretending that this wasn’t the nicest bike I’d ever had, and then I climbed on and began riding to the center of Beauforde. After a few wobbly moments, as I hadn’t been on a bike in years, I was glad to find that the old adage was true.

When I finally made it to the town center, I leaned my new vehicle against a bike rack. I didn’t have a lock, so I cautiously left it unsecured. As far as I knew, the crime statistics in Beauforde were pretty low, but I didn’t like taking a chance like this. I reminded myself to ransack Heather’s garage for a chain as I walked the short distance to the pharmacy.

Right now, though, I had to face something else. McLaren’s sounded more like a drafty pub than a pharmacy but, in Beauforde, nothing was ever as it seemed. Still, I was somewhat unsurprised when I walked in and saw the drugstore’s bright lights and long white counters.

A cheerful, plump middle-aged woman with frizzy brown curls stood behind the counter. She was wearing a fluffy, bright orange sweater that unfortunately reminded me of a moldy pumpkin

Almost as soon as I entered through the door, she greeted me. Well, hello there. Good mornin’. Are you just passin’ through Beauforde?

Taken aback by her question and her overly friendly manner, I just shook my head.

You’re new then? You must be, otherwise I’da seen you around town before. I’m Sissy, by the way.

Extremely uncomfortable and wanting to dissuade any further questions, I kept my reply simple but remote. A few months.

Before Sissy could ask me any more questions, I started walking through the pharmacy. With any luck what I needed wouldn’t be behind the counter and would be available on the aisles.

Really? That surprises me. I usually know all the comings and goings in this town. Are you sure? Sissy called out over the shelves.

I stifled a laugh. Was she really asking me if I knew when I’d arrived in town? Yeah, I’m sure, I replied.

Sissy continued talking but I drowned her out, focusing on my search. When I had walked over all the four shelves twice, I conceded defeat. Shit.

Internally swearing, I approached the counter.

Can I help you with anythin’, dear? she asked.

Why the hell was her voice so damn chirpy? And wasn’t I too old to be called ‘dear’? But there was nothing too it. I had to talk to her.

"I’m looking for the morning after pill. Do