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    "Why Did You Do That?": Solving the Mysteries of Parenting
    "Why Did You Do That?": Solving the Mysteries of Parenting
    "Why Did You Do That?": Solving the Mysteries of Parenting
    Ebook121 pages1 hour

    "Why Did You Do That?": Solving the Mysteries of Parenting

    By Burt Segal

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    About this ebook

    How many times have you asked your child, "Why did you do that?" only to hear the answer, "I don't know"? Children certainly provide parents with numerous challenges by testing their patience, knowledge, and skills daily. Managing your child's less-than-stellar behavior requires tremendous effort and a strong dose of self-control, patience, and good judgment.

    Author Burt Segal, a psychotherapist for over twenty years, explains exactly why children misbehave, and teaches you how to successfully manage children and adolescents. You will learn fundamental principles of behavior and discover effective solutions for behavior modification, including: Internal and external reasons that children act out Eight essential parenting principles Six levels of intervention Successful parenting tools for gaining compliance, including a behavior chart How to establish a parenting plan for your child Why parents fail and how to avoid the "parent traps" in your own family

    No one expects you to be a perfect parent, but investing time and energy to improve your parenting skills will increase the chances that your hard work will pay off and that your children will reward you with good behavior for many years to come. Why Did You Do That? will help put an end to your family battles today!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisheriUniverse
    Release dateJan 19, 2005
    ISBN9780595787227
    "Why Did You Do That?": Solving the Mysteries of Parenting
    Author

    Burt Segal

    Burt Segal is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and a partner at Riverpoint Psychiatric Associates in Norfolk, Virginia, with over twenty years experience helping children and their families manage problems. He frequently conducts seminars for parents, teachers and professionals about how to deal with acting out behavior successfully.

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      Book preview

      "Why Did You Do That?" - Burt Segal

      Why Did You Do That?

      Solving the Mysteries of Parenting

      Burt Segal, LCSW

      iUniverse, Inc.

      New York Lincoln Shanghai

      Why Did You Do That? Solving the Mysteries of Parenting

      Copyright © 2005 by Burt Segal

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      iUniverse books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:

      iUniverse

      2021 Pine Lake Road, Suite 100

      Lincoln, NE 68512

      www.iuniverse.com

      1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677)

      ISBN: 0-595-33932-8

      ISBN: 978-0-5957-8722-7 (ebk)

      Printed in the United States of America

      Contents

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      PREFACE

      1 INTRODUCTION

      2 LEVELS OF ACTING OUT

      3 WHY CHILDREN ACT OUT

      4 ESSENTIAL PARENTING PRINCIPLES

      5 LEVELS OF INTERVENTION

      6 SUCCESSFUL PARENTING TOOLS

      7 ESTABLISHING A PARENTING PLAN

      8 WHY PARENTS SOMETIMES FAIL

      9 CONCLUSION

      This book is designed to provide information about children and parenting. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher and author are not engaged in rendering counseling, therapy or other professional services. If counseling or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

      Every effort has been made to make this book as complete and as accurate as possible. However there may be mistakes, both typographical and in content. Therefore this text should be used only as a general guide and not as the ultimate source of parenting information.

      The purpose of this book is to educate and entertain. The author and publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly, by the information contained in this book.

      Male and female pronouns and references are used interchangeably and are not meant to suggest any value judgment or absolute statements about either sex. Any names used are fictitious. Anecdotes used are based upon the collective experience of the author or are fictitious. Names and examples used are in no way intended to refer to any one specific person in real life.

      This book is dedicated to the most special people of the generations before and after me: My parents, Millie and Joe, and my sons, Josh and Michael.

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      I want to thank the following people for reviewing and editing this book: Ann Abraham, Janet Gilbert, Ginny Harvey, and Labe Richman. Their input as parents and professionals was valuable. I owe extra thanks to my mother who, despite being retired as an English teacher, still retains a sharp grammatical eye. I also appreciate my partner and mentor Paul Mansheim, M.D. for his feedback regarding editorial and professional aspects.

      Thanks to my sons, Josh and Michael, for being very special little boys and for now being special young men.

      Finally I want to thank the hundreds of parents who have allowed me to help them with their children over the past twenty years. As long as parents invest time and energy in their children our future will shine brighter.

      PREFACE

      When you consider your life what is most important to you? Most parents, regardless of their background, would answer without hesitation my children. Certainly our job and income are necessary. Of course we would like a nice home, a car and certain possessions. However, by far our children are the single most important aspect of our life. It’s been said that no one who is near death ever laments, I wish I had spent more time at work. However, many of them have stated I wish I had spent more time with my children.

      Several years ago a tragic experience caused me to reflect on this issue. A friend I knew for over thirty years was diagnosed with a serious illness and died within nine months. He was in the prime of his life and he left behind young children. Events such as this cause us to think about what is important. Does it really matter what kind of car we drive or that we’re ten minutes late for an appointment? In the final analysis we all know in our hearts that nothing in the world is more precious to us than our children.

      From the moment my first child was born my life changed dramatically. It was the most phenomenal change I had ever experienced. At that precise moment I became a father, dad, pop, the old man. Despite a healthy dose of apprehension, my new identity felt fantastic. I had always liked children and, in fact, had devoted my career to working with children before I became a father. However, having a child of my own was a completely new adventure. The only moments in my life to rival my two sons’ miraculous entries into this world have been other special moments they have given me. Their first steps, their first words (NO! as I remember it), their love and their words of appreciation are experiences that will never be surpassed. Being a nurturing, positive and effective parent is one of life’s most rewarding efforts.

      It can also sometimes be a frustrating and demoralizing experience. We all hope to be good parents, but we don’t always live up to our own expectations. Our children provide us with challenges on a daily basis. They test our patience, our knowledge and our skills with regularity. Managing our children’s acting out behavior requires tremendous effort. Arming ourselves with sheer knowledge is not sufficient. We must also use self-control, patience and good judgment while under pressure.

      As a psychotherapist, I help families deal with problems they experience with their children. Day after day they march into my office, sometimes angry and frustrated, sometimes depressed and tearful. We look at the problem, assess the issues and develop an approach toward improvement and resolution.

      I have to admit that dealing with my own children is entirely different. Early in my career I was armed with theoretical knowledge and the wisdom imparted to me by my mentors. I listened to parents carefully and dispensed what I thought was sage advice. Then it happened—I became a parent myself. This not only changed my personal life but transformed my professional outlook as well. I now had the experience of being kept awake all night by a crying infant. I knew first hand how hard it was to control your temper when your child threw a tantrum in public and others looked at you like you were the worst parent in the world.

      I now have an improved understanding, via many years of first hand experience, how difficult it is to be a good parent. In fact, I’m thankful to my two sons for all the problems they’ve given me over the years. They have given me valuable experience and I have learned a great deal.

      Some parenting books deal with how to handle children who misbehave and some provide specific interventions for parents. Others help you avoid the traps that cause parents’ efforts to fail. This book is unique because it not only addresses all of these aspects but also tells you exactly WHY children behave the way they do.

      There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Believe me, I’ve made many mistakes and continue to make them despite being armed with a great deal of professional know how. No one will ever expect you to be perfect. What is reasonable to expect is that you attempt to improve your parenting skills and to benefit your children. You do this by better understanding why your child acts out thereby making fewer mistakes and enriching family relationships.

      One problem that occurs often is that parents, who were well behaved as children, may not know what to do when their children act out. They think When I was a kid if I ever did that my parents would have whipped my butt! or I never would have even thought of trying that when I was a kid.

      We learn how to be good parents from examples set by our own parents, our friends’ parents, teachers, television roles, movie characters and other adults in authority positions. These models may be ineffective or inappropriate.

      I invite and challenge you to become a better parent. If you are already motivated to be a good parent that is a wonderful beginning. Some of you will become motivated and change your approach with great success. Others will read this book and think it sounds good but will not take action and therefore change will not occur. In addition to motivation you will need self-discipline. Stay focused on your goal, work hard and persevere. Life is about setting priorities. Many things seek to occupy your time, yet none are more important than your children.

      When you invest time and energy into improving your parenting skills, you increase the chance that your children will provide you with bountiful rewards

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